Mijn man en mijn minnaars: een jaar van ontdekking, bevrijding en inzicht

by Robin Rinaldi

WWanneer journaliste Robin Rinaldi erachter komt dat haar man andere ideeën over hun gezamenlijke toekomst heeft dan zijzelf, besluit ze alleen op haar eigen voorwaarden getrouwd te blijven.

Als ik geen kinderen zal hebben, dan zal ik minnaars hebben, is haar nieuwe motto. Ze verhuist naar haar eigen appartement, wordt lid van een datingsite en doet alles waarover ze ooit op seksueel vlak gefantaseerd heeft. Wat in deze openhartige, moedige en inspirerende memoires volgt is een jaar vol seks, gebroken harten en onverwachte openbaringen.



Mijn man en mijn minnaars daagt je uit om je normen te herzien en de optimale balans te vinden tussen anderen liefhebben en trouw blijven aan jezelf.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Book Club, Feminism, Sexuality, Biography Memoir

340 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 17, 2015

About the author

Robin Rinaldi has been a newspaper and magazine journalist for seventeen years. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, Oprah Magazine, and Yoga Journal, among others. She has been the executive editor of 7x7, a San Francisco lifestyle magazine, and written an award-winning food column for Philadelphia Weekly. She lives in Los Angeles.

Reviews

[Bee☕ · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’ve never met with a stronger visceral reaction of complete distaste toward a book before reading this memoir. My reaction has nothing to do with “slut shaming”, celibacy, or doing what you want to do with your body. This isn’t about being pro or against marriage, open marriages or even becoming a parent.

This book brings up so many questions but ultimately it is about choices. Choices that are preferably healthy ones for you, let alone your partner, whatever season you find yourself living. I couldn’t care less what adults do in their own bedrooms behind closed doors. But a published book deal is hardly a closed door. What this author is searching for? What does she want in all of this year-long experiment? She wants to live her life on her terms. I get this. Go live but take the responsibilities that exist hand-in-hand with those choices. Thats the kind, decent, human thing to do. Although, her choices, I say without hesitation: She went about living her life on her terms so completely and utterly wrong.

Neither sexuality, nor being a parent, are the quintessence of womanhood or discovering yourself and loving who you are.

I’ve read so many reviews calling this honest or brave. Brave, no. It is not brave to have sex with a dozen lovers to say, “I have lived” on a future deathbed, all in response to her husband’s vasectomy ending her dream of having children.

It is not empowering. Her husband has expressed that it was the last resort for him to save his marriage and felt blackmailed into the agreement and rules. The same rules of which she promptly broke (e.g. safe sex out the window for a start). Her choices are nothing short of selfish, misguided, hurtful, and sadly grasping to find her way in life.

She states of the many things she learned with this experiment, through it all she owed her ex-husband an apology. Then the author promptly justifies her choices of why she had to do this. It makes no sense. She was not contrite in how she hurt her (now) ex-husband, she was justifying both her midlife crisis and reasoning for destroying her marriage.

This was a failure on several levels, the biggest of which was thinking she could find herself through sex or motherhood. As a mother and wife, I have had countless conversations with women who discover themselves, myself included, by peeling away the things and labels that people used to define me, to then see to the core of who I was, or they were inside. The process can and should be accomplished without hurting those around me. This is epic soul-searching and never once included my identity defined by sex, husband, partner, children, employment, money in the bank, or how good I looked.

This memoir is not brave but I will admit, it was honest: she burned down those who got in the way of very selfish and narcissistic justification of goals. Her choices. Sad, but true.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

For me, the best books are voyeuristic in a way that is also relatable. I expected Robin Rinaldi's memoir to be voyeuristic, which it most definitely was—and as another reviewer has mentioned, this means there are plenty of sexual escapades and experimentation contained therein.

The thing I did not expect was how gripped I would be by the way the narrator tackles the big questions throughout—questions about finding meaning in life, the importance of sex in a relationship, and the winding, roundabout, character-filled routes we take to find clarity. Rinaldi writes about her heart-wrenching (but also humorous) journey with a self-awareness and eloquence that's remarkable.

I knew she had me from an early passage, which describes her husband (the man she will ask to sign on to the "project" alluded to in the title): "He kept his old Boy Scout Handbook on his crowded bookshelf, tucked between Bertrand Russell's Why I Am Not Christian and William Burroughs's The Western Lands. Those three inches of bookshelf sum him up: midwestern, self-sovereign, and below it all, something feral." Brilliant.

I'd recommend this book to anyone who has ever grappled with the meaning of love and sex (and is comfortable reading about the latter—in all its sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes numbing, and sometimes mind-blowing detail).

[Cynthia (Bingeing On Books) · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I am torn about how to rate this book. Should I rate it by how much I agree or disagree with the author's decisions? Or should I base my rating on the quality of the writing? This was a very gripping, honest and sometimes humorous look at one woman's quest for exploration. In my opinion, her decision to go on this quest was a selfish one. But I knew what I was getting into with this book. I was curious about her reasons for embarking on this journey. Her reason for wanting an open marriage: her husband got a vasectomy. Yep, that's it. Robin went into her marriage knowing her husband didn't want kids. He never kept this a secret from her. Robin was fine with this until her biological clock started ticking. She tried to talk her husband into having kids, but he wasn't having it. Her friends called him selfish; one of them even suggested she trick him into it. Finally he got the vasectomy. When he did, she said she wanted an open marriage; she said they were now independent people and if she couldn't have children, she was going to have lovers.

I don't like to judge women for their sexual habits, but honestly I failed to see what one had to do with the other. But her husband agreed to this arrangement and it's not my marriage. Despite my judgments about her decision, I was fascinated by her tale. She talked about online dating and erotic workshops. She got in touch with her sexuality in a way that I never have, and probably never will. I loved her honesty. I also admire her bravery for sharing her journey. This open marriage lasted exactly one year and in this time, Robin learned a lot about herself, her sexuality and even her marriage.

[Eliza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars. By far, the best book I've read this year.

I'll note that memoirs are often hit-or-miss with me. I rarely find myself being so enthralled by a memoir that I forget it's someone's real life and not fiction. This book was the exception.

From the very beginning, the author gives us a glimpse into the issues of her marriage. Needs aren't met and as a result, she asks for an open marriage. What follows after her request is granted by her distant husband is the stuff of legend.

Robin takes the reader through her journey, rife with lovers, experimentation, and a boatload of self-discovery. I think what resonated with me the most is her unabashed and unashamed ownership of her choices. She realizes that her decisions were not traditional; her response to her husband's inability to emote is not the reaction of the average fortysomething wife. She moved forward (or backward, depending on your viewpoint) and discovered many facets of her life that led up to her deciding to live away from her husband for a year and create her own sexual fulfillment. She was a brave and a coward simultaneously. It was intriguing - beyond intriguing - to read.

I've noticed that several reviewers have chosen to take her to task for her choices rather than review the book itself (which is a shame). I refuse to do that. From the structure of the narrative to the subject matter itself, Wild Oats Project earned every one of my five stars. What frightens me is that there aren't more women speaking honestly about sexuality and marriage. I hope that Robin's brave book allows other women to shed light on their wants as women and the price they are willing to pay to achieve it.

Fantastic read!

[Mediaman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I stumbled on this book and it's a bad one--a feminist who thinks she's intelligent and spiritually advanced gets mad at her husband for not letting her get pregnant and instead starts an "open marriage" where she spends 5 days a week sleeping with others guys (and a few women), while devoting weekends to her husband. It's a bizarre premise and with all the self-analysis she does she never reaches any truth.

It's easy to see the problem--she had an alcoholic, abusive father and she has spent the rest of her life seeking a daddy who will give her all the pleasure she (and her mother) missed in childhood. While the author is angry at her dad she never connects her sleeping around with other men to her never resolving her daddy issues. She then transfer her anger to her husband, who she blames for all of her negative feelings of fulfillment. In truth she could have gotten pregnant at any time by stopping her birth control and could have become more sexually fulfilled at home by asking for him to do to her what her lovers did. Instead she mopes around fantasizing about every broad-shouldered man she meets, has a youthful abortion, spends a few years of clinical depression, and attends bizarre sexual self-help workshops. Her husband comes across as a saint for putting up with her craziness.

There is so much wrong with this book it can't be listed here, but the main problem is the author herself. She's a complete hypocrite. She cheats on her husband (during a phase when they're supposed to be monogamous) but then she gets mad when he hints at wanting to cheat on her. She demands her rules be followed but she breaks the rules she agreed with him to follow. She wants him to be more open emotionally and sexually, but she finds she can't open up to him.

And most of all, the book's premise is wrong: sexual fulfillment of the female body is the center of the universe. She honestly seems to believe that if a woman is sexually satisfied that peace comes to the world. She spends a year practicing "orgasmic meditation," a fancy phrase for letting strangers finger her vagina to help her scream in pleasure. Every day, once in the morning and once at night. This, according to the cult-like group that she joins, is what will bring peace to the world. One of them says, "The feminine is the soul and center of life. A man who doesn't recognize that and nurture it will be left in the far outer reaches, alone."

Better to be alone than to live with this nutcase writer. The feminine is not the center of life, it's only half of it, and the failure of this book is that she mistakenly thinks she is the center of her own happiness. In the end she is divorced, living with a sex partner who needs a lot of time apart, is still unfulfilled, and seems depressed. It's the perfect example of how to live a failed life, looking for love in all the wrong places.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a time when the nation is lumping every explicit tale about female sexuality into the Fifty Shades of Gray category, Robin Rinaldi's Wild Oats stands out because it has nothing to do with bodice-ripping fantasy despite the fact that there's a ton of great sex. (Big plus: The writing is good. No comment on Fifty Shades.)

Wild Oats is a story so unflinchingly true and honest that you can feel Rinaldi stepping away from the computer to take a deep breath before returning to delete the vision of herself that she would have liked to have portrayed and instead replacing it with something completely earnest. "Those are the sins against my husband: abdicating responsibility, failing to empathize with him, cheating and lying. In the end I was the one who needed to ask forgiveness."

This is the thing: Wild Oats is firstly a book about a woman, unhappy and restless in her marriage—yearning for the child she never had—someone trying desperately to find herself. Secondly, it's a book is about her sexual awakening. In fact, some of the strongest parts are about Rinaldi's conflicted feelings about her ex-husband, her complicated relationship with her own father, her guilt about choosing a path that was frowned upon by her friends—real life hand-wringers that make her sexual escapades only part of her journey but by no means the most compelling. In this regard, Wild Oats is the real 50 Shades of grey, because Rinaldi's true gift to the reader is having the guts to admit that in this very short life we're given, nothing is black and white.

(I was given Wild Oats as a preview copy.)

[Lisa Hazen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hoooo boy. Lots of conflicting feelings on this book. On one hand, it was compulsively readable (I read it in two days). The author is a skilled writer who can really tell a story. On the other hand, I couldn't help like feeling this was 50 Shades of Gray for the Burning Man set. Some of her "seductions" seemed so cliche and kind of silly, but I think the reader is supposed to take them as a profound personal journey.

And what to say about Scott, the long suffering husband? It bothered me that Scott did not grow a pair--much less evolve one bit--for the entire story.

[Jennifer Hicks · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'd really been looking forward to reading this memoir of the author's year of living "for passion at any cost." There's no doubt that Robin Rinaldi's story is interesting, or that her writing is strong and clear. Unfortunately, her story is self-indulgent and narcissistic to a point where I felt bad for all of the characters who crossed her path. She claims that she is exploring the fine line between loving others and being true to herself, but her lack of empathy or love for others is what ultimately had me losing interest in this exploration about halfway through.

[Yannick Serres · Rating 5 out of 5]

Robin wrote a really nice book and deserves to be admire for the sincerity she exposed in this book. Like every woman, or almost every woman, Robin wanted to be a mother. At what price? You'll have to read it to know. She has been true a mid forty crises. She needed to explore new things to fight her demons. By writing this book, she show that nothing can be all pink and you will probably always expect better in your life, but what better? Her story is instructive and a blessing to life. She doesn't pretend to have the solution to problems, but she tells how she had to live her life, what she had to do to regain the joy of life.

What would you do if you had a year to do whatever you've never done?

This book well deserved a 5 on 5 and a lot of thumbs up to the author for having the 'guts' to recount her story.

I got to thanks Robin Rinaldi and Random House of Canada for this book I received through Goodreads giveaways. It relly deserves a special thanking, because I will probably reread this book a couple of times in my life.

Yannick Serres

[Robin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had looked forward to reading this book because the author's idea of taking weekdays off her marriage for a year to "sow her wild oats" with various men (then spending her weekends at home with her husband) intrigued me, not because I ever want to even think about it but because it's such a polar opposite of any lifestyle I would ever even think about following. But, unfortunately, I was terribly disappointed in this book.

I would recommend this to only those who thought the "love" chapter of EAT PRAY LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert was the best part of the book.

[Bookworm · Rating 1 out of 5]

An adolescent freak-out I saw this book being reviewed here and there and I admit, it sounded quite intriguing. Woman decides to take the "weekdays" off from her marriage and then go home to her husband on the weekends. How did we get here? What drove her to this decision? Why does she think she should do this after her husband firmly, assertively, definitively tells her that no, he does not want children, or even one child.
 
I wanted to give it a shot, I wanted to read it so I could know for myself and actually review it. Unfortunately, the negative hype is definitely on the mark. The writing is fairly compelling: other books that I have read where the wife details her infidelity and/or her sexual escapades while not in a committed relationship tend to drag on or become soft porn or just cause my eyes to glaze over. I could not really identify or find sympathy with Rinaldi, but I couldn't help but read what was coming next.
 
But it's hard not to judge. I am disappointed by the supposed slut-shaming comments the author claims to have gotten, although sadly it is not not surprising. However, it's really hard to root for her and I found it impossible to understand what leap of logic made her think that this would make her happy or would fill the hole that came from not having a child. I would have thought this would have been something that this would have been hammered out *before* she married her husband, and he is not happy when she tells him test results tells her she's pregnant (it turns out to be false positive or she may have miscarried, she does not know).
 
It feels like her idea of an "open marriage" was dragging out the end of their marriage needlessly and for a painfully long time. It was deeply ironic that her husband, Scott admits that he had slept with married women, cheated on previous partners, etc. but admitted to her that he killed his "wildness" in order to be faithful to the author. I understand people change of the course of a marriage, but it just seems that these two really were not a good fit.
 
Ultimately, it feels like narcissistic drivel. Would people find this book "brave" or "empowering" if she were a man? I really do not think so. She talks about how that she thinks the house she left behind feels and looks empty, despite all the items she left and and the arrival of a new roommate. To Rinaldi, the place does not come "back to life in my eyes" until Scott finds a new girlfriend. 
 
Sorry, but what is this? Maybe it was my reading, but overall the book struck me as a adolescent temper tantrum that I've seen happen when a friend of mine got out of a relationship that had gone on too long without a severance or a marriage (which would have ended in divorce, honestly). The friend (who was fairly religious) began to go out clubbing, trying certain drugs, dressing differently, etc. In this case, the author began sleeping with people other than her spouse.
 
Nothing against open marriages or polyamorous relationships, but I think the author really has other issues going on other than what she wrote about and I pity Scott and/or anyone who may be interested in entering a relationship of any sort or degree with her. Library if you're curious.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started this book I was expecting it to be salacious, maybe even a bit sordid but it surprised me with its thoughtfulness. It is the record of a middle aged (ahem...my age) woman's quest to discover who she is after her husband refuses to fulfill her desire for children. Since she won't be assuming the role of mother as she had expected from her life she convinces her husband to have an open marriage and and embarks on a sexual odyssey to fulfill the desires that she felt she had missed out on in the past. Although she uses sex as the method, it is much more of a spiritual and emotional journey than a purely physical one. Robin works through some pretty deep, dark issues. She participates in a few new-age type practices that seem pretty silly to me but they appear to have worked for her. Having a stranger rub my clitoris in a room full of people would not be a method that I would choose to deal with my issues but to each their own!
She doesn't use her sexual freedom to do anything too crazy or kinky, although other people may judge that differently. This book definitely involves very frank descriptions that may offend some but I suspect that readers who are especially prudish will not pick this book up in the first place.
Many people wake up in their forties and wonder what the hell went wrong with their lives. Robin's mid-life crisis isn't unusual but her response to it sure is! This is an entertaining, humorous and honest account which really illustrates that before we can love anyone else we must first love ourselves. Cliche but absolutely true!
I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads. Thank you!

[Rachel Orvino · Rating 4 out of 5]

A deeply honest memoir, "The Wild Oats Project" is a wonderful read. One should come to the book knowing it is sexual, exploratory, and thought-provoking; it is right there in the title so it should not be a surprise. I've had multiple friends and family members ask to borrow the book (and it's not even in stores yet), intrigued by the memoir's concept and the cover art. Bravo, Robin. The Wild Oats project was a courageous effort, and the accounting of your momentous year is equally brave.

[N · Rating 1 out of 5]

A strange, selfish little book. If this was written by a guy it would be unexceptional; a mid life crisis involving betrayal, sex with (usually younger) strangers, treating a spouse like crap, and a phenomenal level of self absorption. Well written, so there's that, and really only that.

[Julie Bridgelal prine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave this 5 stars because the writing was very good. I don't normally comment on the content of biographies or memoirs; however, because of the topic I would like to stay it was very honest. I applaud her for it the good, the bad, and the ugly.

[Leta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book very quickly. I couldn't put it down. I hid away and left chores for later until I could get through it. This book came at exactly the right time in my life. Now I am talking about it to all my female friends.

[Tiara · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have regrets.

[Christine Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I was at the RHC Blogger preview and the gals were pitching this book to me, I knew instantly that I was going to add it to my must-read list. This book sounded just so intriguing. Immediately going into the text with the premise, I had this thought in the back of my head that there was not a way that this text was going to end on a happy note, but as I closed the book, I realized that it wasn't the point of the text. What Robin does in the 287 pages is recount a fragment of her life and she is incredibly brave in doing so. Robin does not hold back and she goes into a lot of detail of her experiences. It was never ~raw~ and ~gritty~ which can happen with books that describe sexual encounters, but what Robin does is write in such a way that is one: tastefully done and two: allows the reader to experience her experiences as well. I empathized a lot with Robin in her decision for going on this journey and in the end, I was not disappointed with the outcome, but rather, I was happy for Robin as if I was just having a coffee date with her, hearing her recount this story. My apologies for spoilers, but in the end, Robin ends up with one of the men she meets during this project and I learned that her ex-husband, Scott, actually encouraged her to write this which is incredibly humbling of him and quite what I expected after having read about him from Robin's point of view.

Although, I am only twenty-four, Robin gave me a lot to think about and I am glad to have read this book. She encourages a lot of self-reflection with this text and in thinking about yourself and your relationships separately - where you think about who you are as you, and not so much, who you are in a relationship. I think that this book should be on everyone's to-read list, regardless of what age you are, because what Robin ultimately does with this text is encourage the reader to embrace all experiences. Robin encourages you to step out of your comfort zone, be brave and sometimes take risks when things are not simply feeling right and honestly, I think that is an incredibly powerful message that she transcends in her book. If you haven't already added this book to your wishlist or to-read list, now is the time. You will not regret it.

Full review on the blog: http://padfootslibrary.blogspot.ca/20...

[Rachael Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this beautiful read by Robin Rinaldi. I really feel like she did a great job depicting the difficult truth of life and relationships; which is that it's never black and white, we live our lives in shades of gray. For those who question the logic of her premise, the idea that sex can make up for a childless life, I feel you are not really looking deeper at the essence of those two experiences...when it comes to relationships (friendship or romantic) I can't tell you how many times I've thougt, in a moment of pure vitality and joy "Oh my god. I love this person- I can't imagine if I'd never met them!" (Conjure it- balmy summer nights laughing so hard you cannot breathe, with your most intimate friend). Similarly, one of the most common proclamations parents make of their children is,"I can't imagine my life without them!"
Relationships of ALL kinds have the capacity to ooze life and deep connection - and it's this specific thing I believe Robin was looking for. There is a vital life force energy she wants to seep into her. What deeper connection is there than the mother/child bond?
It's sad to say but it's as though she's saying fine, I won't have the deepest connection of all but I will take second best (romantic/sexual/spiritual chemistry)

I truly value the lessons in this merciless and blunt read; relinquishing resistance to the lessons the universe is trying to teach you, living your personal truth no matter what the cost, and the painful but necessary surrender of one notion: that we can lose significant relationships and not wonder what might have been.

[Kris · Rating 2 out of 5]

Blerg. I’ll start with the positives. Or positive, singular. The writing was okay.

I have zero problems with open marriages, nonmonogamy, not wanting kids - none of that is the problem here. The problem is the author. Her husband is kind of an asshole, but he’s honest. He doesn’t want kids. He does not say he does and change his mind, he does not pretend to and then do a 180 after marriage. Nope. He just doesn’t want them. Fine. But she thinks she can somehow convince him otherwise, so they get married.

When he gets a vasectomy because he actually meant what he said, she loses it and forces him into an open marriage that he flat out says he feels manipulated into. Because if she can’t have kids, it will fulfill her womanhood to have sex with lots of people. Don’t really get it, but to each their own. Sleep with as many people as you want to. Have a blast. But you can’t force someone else into an open marriage, set rules that you break, and think everything will be peachy. I mean, you can, but it’s not going to work.

It does not appear she has learned anything from this experience, which I think was supposed to be the point? I don’t know. For someone who spent an entire book recounting her experiences and have a journey of self-examination, she is pretty damn clueless about who she is and what she wants.

[Lisa Carlson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Journalist and former Editor of 7x7 Lifestyle Magazine in San Francisco, California; Robin Rinaldi writes explicitly well about her year long experiment in experiencing sex with men and women as she was still married. Some clarifications are necessary as I read the other reviews; this book cannot be compared to Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert or Wild by Cheryl Strayed. These books are b-r-a-v-e accounts of women leaving everything behind and searching for contentment. Rinaldi states the two responses she received when she told people were "How Brave or Risky." While I have nothing against residents in San Francisco it isn't exactly the moral high ground of the country. As a woman who is open-minded this "project" made me increasingly nauseated because while marriage isn't perfect it requires a very simple choice; either stay in or get out. The term open marriage is a misnomer at best; you cannot be committed to someone and yet sleep with many other people. It's akin to walking around in public naked. Her acknowledgments thank her parents who must be horrified, female writers like Mary Karr-you know Karr handled this one with her usual fantastic sarcasm and feminists who must be seriously screaming at the top of their lungs over this clueless female.

[Caroline Wells · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have JUST finished this book (literally like, 15 minutes ago) and I just had to write this review right away because I am already at a loss for words.
Since I knew from the beginning that this was a memoir, I kept imagining myself in the author’s shoes and boy! Did she ever take me on quite the emotional and sexual adventure!
At times, I felt like the character was describing my life, my feelings, but in a fraction of a phrase that went out of the window: it’s almost like I hated her for making a certain decision or thinking of taking.
I found it funny, sad and some chapters made me down right mad! “How could she say that to him?” Or “How could HE have done that to her!” (stupid Charly...).
And the "sex scenes"... Wow, they were hot! Made me anxious to get back home to my hubby! (Fifty Shades ain't got nothing on this book!)
I had never read a book like this, ever, but I LOVED it. It completely took me out of my comfort zone, that’s for sure. It will be a while before I forget Robin & Scott (or Robin with Roman AND Margit! Oh la la!).

[Donna Was A Scandal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ii don't think I can rate this one like I normally do. It's a memoir and well, the writing is fine - all of the details, pacing and structure work just fine but the subjects...

Well, it's interesting and definitely stirred up a shit ton of emotions. I'm troubled because the author is telling her story and she really doesn't paint herself as a very likable character...at all. I listened to this as an audiobook and on more than one occasion I wanted to throw my iPhone across the room out of frustration towards her decisions and actions but kudos to her for putting it all out there. It was definitely a very interesting journey. I won't be going on vacation with her but her story is interesting. Heartbreaking and sad on so many levels but also very interesting.

This would make for an excellent book club discussion book

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full review on my blog: http://nikkitheknack.blogspot.ca/2015...

Robin Rinaldi is incredibly honest in this memoir. She discusses the good, the bad, and the ugly, never glazing over the difficult parts. It was pretty educational to me - it opened my eyes to a whole subculture I never knew existed.

I think the thing I appreciate most about this book is how much it made me think - about life, people, opportunities, adventures, consequences...I love books that make me think and perhaps push me outside of my comfort zone.

Also, did you know you could take classes on orgasmic meditation? Me neither.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best memoirs- brave and honest. Couldn't put it down. It made me look at my own life- not because I want to do what she did, but because she learned and grew from following her passions.
Well written and easy to read. Loved it

[Lindsay · Rating 1 out of 5]

Horrible book. I had to read this book for book club. I tend to take on the mood of the book I'm reading, and this book make me feel depressed. The main character was dislikable and frustrating. Just don't read it. This is the feeling from my entire book club.

[Kaplumbağa Felsefecisi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Evliliğini açık ilişkiye çevirmeyle başından geçenleri anlatan bir kadının günlük tarzında yazıları denilebilir. Ahlaken değil kesinlikle ama dili pek sarmadı açıkcası.

[Robert Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know Robin Rinaldi and the only impression I get of what she (maybe) looks like is the naked redhead on the cover of the book. It might not be her at all, and I can't really check if it is, because the photo is of her from the back. Actually - I don't want to check what she looks like. I could probably find any number of pictures of her on the internet, but ... I dunno - flesh corrodes and I wouldn't want to see her and ... be disappointed by what she looks like. I'd rather leave the image that her words created in my mind.

There's plenty of salacious stuff in this book. She seems to have been rather active in her search for sexual gratification and it is all (as far as I know) detailed here. When I think about it - the stuff she wrote about her sexual exploits is so ... graphic and all-encompassing, that I can't think what she might have done that she would want to leave out. So yeah - it's all there really.

Funny thing is though - none of it, erm, well - you know - none if it 'moved me'. Which is quite odd really. I would have expected to be a little 'excited' by some of the stuff - but no - nothing. Maybe part of that was to do with the way I read the book: audio, whilst walking to and from work. But even then ...

For her to embark on this adventure seems, to me, to be odd thing for her to do really. She claims that she was in love with her husband of 18 years, and she was mostly having a good time with him - as far as I can tell. But there was a bit of an emotional distance and a lack of true communication between them. Plus - he wouldn't give her a baby.

Grounds for divorce? Possibly. Grounds for taking a break? Hmm - maybe. Grounds for writing a tell-all book about the experience? Well - probably not. Was I entertained? Mildly. Do I agree with what she did? Erm - not really.

The turning point of a life - the apogee of the arc, is a real strange place to be. It's nothing like the start and ... well - I've no idea about the second half, but there are certainly decisions to be made. If someone had a good first half, then there's less to get on about, but if not - maybe this book details one of the things that could happen as a result.

There's got to be something to look forward to when you wake up. If there ain't - then ... change.

I'm not going to go on about the quality of writing because it's fine. Once you get a book put out by a big publishing house, you can pretty much guarantee that it's been spell checked and grammar checked and re-drafted to within an inch of its life. The only thing a reviewer is left with is some kind of statement as to whether they like the book or not. And that isn't anyone's business but their own really.

Read it if you're a woman of a certain age with decisions to make. Don't bother if you're a bloke looking for something a little saucy - this ain't it.

[Jun-E · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book is somewhere around 3 to 3.5 stars.

I cannot decide whether I enjoyed the read or not. For one, I believe that the writing was good, the content honest, the voice strong. I find myself comparing this book to Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail which is also a memoir of a woman on a life quest, and apples to apples I believe I like the Wild Oats Project better. After all, this one is about a woman throwing all caution into the wind and having sex with wild abandon, and that one is about a woman going on a solitary walk with a horribly oversized backpack for three months. But context aside, I do believe that Robin Rinaldi has a better way with words.

And then there's the self-indulgence of the whole thing. You sit by and watch her being selfish, devious, violent even - and you sympathise with her husband who clearly deserves better.

When she leaves him at the very end, I had this feeling of denied gratification - because I had expected him to file for divorce after all that she'd done to the marriage. She shouldn't have had the pleasure of forcing him into an open marriage when he didn't want to, having sex without condoms breaking his trust in the process, cheating on him after the open marriage ended... and at the end, she ends up with the man she wanted, and even ends up writing a bestselling book about the whole topic? The world is not fair man.

The concept of an open marriage and sex positivity does not bother me, her self-centredness and repeated violations on her husband's trust does.

Perhaps the fact that this book annoyed me so much actually gives credit to the adeptness of the writer in her narrative? But then again, because I was feeling a dull sense of constant irritation I just skimmed through the book, wanting to get to the part where he finally divorces her - and being denied that outcome just made me even crankier.

The redeeming factor is that she seems to know that she's being self-indulgent, and is even apologetic about it. The self-awareness takes away some of the irritation that I felt as a reader. But just a smidgen. I sat through the book with the same sensation of sitting by a whiny girlfriend who keeps making selfish choices in life yet expecting all the support that she doesn't deserve. And then she lives happily ever after.

Maybe out of this genre of women having mid life crises and discovering themselves, I still prefer Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The Wild Oats Project: One Woman's Midlife Quest for Passion at Any Cost", is a candid intensely written exploration of self-discovery which led author Robin Rinaldi to ask her husband Scott for an open marriage in 2007, when they lived in San Francisco. With casual flings being fairly socially accepted among friends, Rinaldi didn't think this would be a threat to her stable 17 year marriage.

This was a relatively happy marriage, Rinaldi was a senior editor at 7 X 7 a city magazine. With agreements made between them as not to get involved with mutual friends/acquaintances, the practice of safe sex, not to see a person more than three times etc. Scott didn't seem as happy with the arrangement as his wife, who immediately began to pursue another man. Undoubtedly upset about Scott getting a vasectomy, Rinaldi seemed to want sexual variety above all else. Living apart from Scott during the week, and with him on the weekends; Rinaldi began by placing an ad on Craigslist, which was promptly removed. Later, she contacted an encounter group.

OneTaste was an encounter group of like-minded individuals. Deida was a principle of 3 relationship stages which was composed of masculine consciousness and feminine light that focused on polar energy and spiritual and physical ecstasy. Many of the exercises were word games, dancing (while blindfolded) to percussive music etc. The unusual OM "clitoral laboratory"- allowed too much unfamiliar intimate access and wasn't respectful of space and boundaries. Rinaldi detailed her experiences with these groups, her therapist, and her intimate relationships. Scott, (understandably) never participated in any of these groups or encounter activities, which included couples. From the book...
"The twelve steppers, therapists and self-help books all said another person couldn't heal you. You had to do it yourself or ask God to do it for you. They were wrong. What healed me, or at least provided the foundation of my healing was Scott's stoic love."....

Rinaldi was certainly brave and daring in revealing her truth in this well written and interesting memoir. At times it was difficult to remain open minded, and the conclusion to this story wasn't surprising. So little was written about Scott and his emotions and reactions. When Scott revealed he cried himself to sleep after she moved out, her reaction showed her disconnection from him. Scott seemed like a kind loving supportive husband especially during the time of their open marriage. Wishing them both the best.