I'm going to take you on a journey right now.
Picture this: the year is 2008. I am just 12 years old and sitting in the school after hours because my mother can't come to pick me up until after 6. It is then that I spot it tucked away among the other books in latchkey's paltry little library: "Sensuous Perceptions," its worn, purple cover peaking enticingly from among the other books. I'm immediately interested. The cover is so different from all the other books. Are they about to kiss? That's what it looks like. How saucy. I open it and begin to read.
I think I got about 50 pages in by the time my mother came to pick me up. By then I'd realized that this was a spicy book, an adult book, and, afraid someone might see me reading it - but more afraid that someone would realize that it definitely wasn't a book meant for the bookshelves in a pre-adolescent school and that it wouldn't be there again for me to finish the next day - stuffed it in my bag and smuggled it home. The first thing I ever recall willfully stealing was an erotica novel from my 6th grade school, and I kept it hidden in my room until I was about 18 years old.
My mother found it once and asked me if I was reading smut, and I said "Nooo! That's not what that's about! It's about a girl with ESP!" (Mom, I'm so sorry, it was smut. But you definitely knew that.)
I think I shoved it in an outgoing Half-Price Books sale pile sometime near the end of high school to get rid of it, and every now and then I think about this book, a 1980s pulp fiction erotica novel lost to time and memory. Then, on my way to work this morning, Men At Work came on my Spotify playlist - one of the main character's favorite bands - and I thought to myself, I wonder if I can find it again? So, sitting in the parking lot and eating a Taco Bell breakfast burrito, I found a PDF of the book and read it throughout my shift.
It was exactly the way I remember it, except now I understand what the author meant by "his masculinity," as at 12 I had only the vaguest idea of human sexuality and no grasp of metaphorical language when it came to sex. It's a cheesy 1980s romance novel, exactly what it says on the package, but look, girls just wanna have fun even if they're lactose intolerant (asexual). 4/5 for nostalgia and asshole intellectuals who set the tone for all of my high school relationships.