How to Cope: The Welcoming Approach to Life's Challenges

by Claire Hayes

In this remarkable book Dr Claire Hayes demonstrates how each of us can use cognitive behavioural principles to help us cope. In a very clear, practical way she shows us how to make sense of our distressing feelings, to become aware of our unhelpful thoughts and our core beliefs, and most of all, to focus on what we can actually do to improve things for ourselves. Rather than trying to suppress or ignore our feelings of distress, she invites us to welcome them as messengers asking us to do something helpful to improve things.

Using her unique techniques such as the ‘Coping Triangle’ and ‘Coping Sentences’, Dr Hayes shows us how to proactively manage life’s challenges, such as pressure, rejection, loss, failure, success and change. A number of case studies illustrate the success of Dr Hayes’s approach, while practical exercises and advice make it accessible to all readers. This book is for anyone who has suffered from stress, anxiety or depression, or for their friends and family.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Psychology, Mental Health

204 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2015

Reviews

[Esha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved how the author made this very easy to understand without all the jargon and overexplanation that some books tend to give. She also gave a lot of practical takeaways that we can easily implement in our lives.

[Nicola Mckenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed the book which is written in clear and straightforward language, with the simplest and most helpful of aims: to teach us how to listen to ourselves with courage and compassion, and to try and help ourselves through the hardest and often ‘invisible to the outside world’ struggles that we are enduring.

The author has a lot of experience, and it is solid and realistic, and that was the standout feature for me. Zero bull, delivered with kindness and understanding. I have recommended this read to all my friends.

[Michael Reid · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not a self help addict, in fact I only listened to this audiobook because it just caught my eye on BorrowBox.
What a revelation!
Read by the author you hear a voice with a lovely Irish accent, full of knowledge and empathy. I love the relative simplicity of the techniques and the no nonsense, case study approach to a field filled with nonsense.

I've commended this title to many friends and I feel confident in commending it to you.

[🌶 peppersocks 🧦 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reflections and lessons learned:
“Deep down we all know that whatever actually happens to change our circumstances we have two real choices - either we cope or we don’t. If we can learn to welcome change into our lives we will I erase our ability to cope with it…”

A wonderful example based analysis of the multiple elements that can influence decisions that naturally have a knock on effect to mental health. Such a comforting narration voice too

[Jasrun · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m definitely buying a physical copy of this

[Clarissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sadly, only made it to about 60% of this book before my audiobook subscription ended. I like Claire Hayes' approach to mental health counselling and tip my hat to her for provoking some introspection on the idea of, rather than positive and negative thoughts, the thought of 'helpful' and 'unhelpful.' Not only that, but of giving ourselves room to feel what we feel. I did struggle with the layout of the book a bit--I really wanted to hear her full process, but instead the slow unwinding of each step felt a bit lengthy. Perhaps one day I'll give it another bash and see it to completion!

[Elisabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was interesting and useful to dealing with all sorts of losses. It gave plentiful examples and explained the sequence of questions one could use to explore the reason behind our behaviour and underlining core beliefs. I can see how this approach can be transformational and look forward to trying it out for myself when experiencing thoughts that make me feel bad.

[Jessica Cawley · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a mostly helpful book, but I’ve read a lot of self-help/well-being books and this one was kind of just ok. And I hate to say it because I love supporting Irish authors - she even quoted Boyzone alongside Rumi, so mad props to her! I did like the overall approach of the book though and that it was written accessibly.

[Catherine Drake · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a great reflective self-help manual that you can do to alleviate stress and it contains a series of CBT-related exercises and recommendations of psychiatrists to read or watch on YouTube.

The basic message conveyed is be kind to yourself and value your feelings, esp. if something feels wrong or upsetting.

Borrowed as an eBook from my local library service.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found Dr. Claire Hayes Welcoming Approach understandable and whittled down to a simple process that anyone can do. I appreciated the illustrative accounts expounding the principles and have already begun to personally benefit from this approach to turn my distress into helpful actions.

[Katy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting way of looking at our cognitions and challenging them. I really liked the coping sentences.

[Manoj Kakran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye-opening and practical book.

[Sintija · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite interesting to read this, coming from a psychological background myself (both as a client in psychotherapy, as well as a Bachelor's graduate in Psychology).
I personally have tried out Cognitive behavioural therapy myself, and I find it really useful. The way the author explains the few practical methods is great, it's easily applicable and doable on your own. I found it helpful for myself already when reading the book.

What I didn't really like is how chaotic the book often was, and some things made me see the author of the book as that typical (as seen in movies) ethereal cali psychologist, having all kinds of weird personal beliefs. Some things made me raise my brow a bit, but maybe that's just me.

I wouldn't say this goes in the highest usefulness shelf when it comes to self-help books. However much I am drawn to CBT, this book left me wanting a more in-depth walkthrough of the therapy, its theory, etc. I know that this is intended for an average joe reader. But if you can go deep... go deep :)