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ebook
First published December 1, 2015
“So, how long have you been in love with her?”
I froze, the question punching me in the face.
“Christie, I …”
“You love her.” Christie’s voice sounded so small.
“Don’t do this. You know I want to be with you.”
I was lost in those deep, dark eyes. They were sad, and I knew the simple act of responding the way I had to Ella’s announcement had broken her heart. I could see it.
“Do you?”
“Taking you to meet my friends was a really big thing. I haven’t taken a girlfriend to meet them before. Hell, I’ve not had anyone who I’ve called my girlfriend in ages.”
“Because you love her.”
I grasped my forehead with my fingers, rubbing it, knowing I’d have to be completely honest or find a better way to lie. So far, she’d seen right through me.
My mouth was dry as the desert, and I licked my lips, trying to summon up some courage. “When I first met Ella, I had feelings for her. But she’s with Sam, and now they’re getting married. I’m with you.”
“So you don’t have feelings for her anymore?” I could tell from her tone that Christie already knew the answer.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. But I’m happy for her and Sam. Their happiness means just as much to me.” I flicked a lock of straight brown hair from her shoulder. “The feelings I have for you are growing all the time.”
“You can’t say you love me yet, though.” She had that puppy-dog look, the hopeful one, the one that had made me ask her out in the first place.
“Only because it’s been six weeks. I like what we have; I’m enjoying us getting to know one another.”
Christie frowned. “What if Ella and Sam break up later on? What about me?”
“Maybe we need to not overthink things, and see how it all goes.” I slid my fingers under her chin. “You’re amazing.”
She smiled a little, but I could see it in her eyes—she wasn’t sure if she should stick around to see what happened. She took a deep breath. “You’re pretty awesome yourself. That’s why I don’t know if I can do this.”
I shook my head. “No. This isn’t the way to deal with this. I’m here with you, right where I want to be.”
“Because she’s with him.”
I could try my hardest to fight this, but she was right, and not giving an inch. It wasn’t because I didn’t care about Christie, and I wasn’t lying about wanting to be with her, but there was someone who was that much more important to me. Someone who, despite my attempts to keep my distance from, I’d still come running to if she clicked her fingers.
I hated this feeling, and I loved it, torn between my heart that told me she might one day still be mine, and my head which told me the only way that would happen would be for Sam’s heart to break. That was the last thing I wanted to happen.
Christie backed out of my arms and my bed, and as she dressed and walked away in silence, I knew there was nothing more I could do.
So I let her go.