Mama: Love, Motherhood and Revolution

by Antonella Gambotto-Burke, Michel Odent (Foreword)

In her compelling and ground-breaking new book, Mama: Love, Motherhood and Revolution, Antonella Gambotto-Burke explores how motherhood and love are intrinsically linked to human well-being and how a lack of respect for maternal love is at the root of widespread dissatisfaction with modern life.

Part-memoir, part-philosophical call to arms, this is a brilliant, passionate and moving exploration of what it is to be a mother and wife in the twenty-first century. What does it mean to be intimate with those we love and what happens when we're not? How does motherhood tie into femininity, sexuality, status? How does society judge mothers and how does this influence them? How do working hours undermine our most important relationships? Why is our value system now exclusively achievement-based rather than based on intimacy? What is the future for our children and society in this increasingly functional culture devoid of emotion?

Antonella not only explores this terrain with the great visionaries of modern childcare, but reveals the joys, intimacies and elisions that led to her own metamorphosis: among them, her corrosive relationship with her own mother, her 32-year-old brother's suicide, the emotional and philosophical revolution triggered by the birth of her daughter, and the traumatic end of her ten-year marriage.

A beautifully eloquent and thought-provoking insight into the cultural significance of love and motherhood, Mama is unique in its scope, challenging our cultural capacity for intimacy. Why, Antonella asks, are we willingly forfeiting happiness in the pursuit of an ultimately meaningless ideal?

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Womens

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 23, 2014

About the author

"If I close my eyes, I see femininity as an apple. Whole or halved, with a star at its heart concealing traces of a poison that, as it kills - and like a woman - can accelerate its target’s heartrate. I imagine the sound of that acceleration from within, listening as we all once listened, never thinking it would end, to the aria, charivari or lullaby of our mothers’ hearts."

- from APPLE: SEX, DRUGS, MOTHERHOOD AND THE RECOVERY OF THE FEMININE, by Antonella Gambotto-Burke

Links to podcasts, essays and reviews can be found on gambottoburke.com and instagram.com/gambottoburke

Reviews

[Michelle Ham · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was refreshing to read a parenting book that was both intellectually stimulating and heartfelt. The author is a bit of a smug Mum. Ideally Mums could all stay home with their kids full time, but not everyone is a professional writer who can work from home and has only one child to fawn over day and night! That aside, she has some important things to say - the overall message being a powerful one - that good Mums make a much better world. I do prefer the chapters where she interviews other parenting 'experts' - Melinda Tankard-Reist, Stephanie Coontz and MamaBake founder Michelle Shearer were all inspiring and thought-provoking.
I admire that the author isn't afraid to ruffle a few feathers to get her message across but I can't help feeling she could alienate some already guilt-ridden mothers with her perfect little life and opinions on every aspect of mothering.
I guess, in short, it's well worth a read but just be aware you may feel maligned if you're a Mum who works/had a caesarean/is divorced/ had a baby via IVF, etc, etc!

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly love this book. Antonella Gambotto-Burke captures the essence of being a mother and the profound shifts which occur within her as a result. However she does not shy away from the difficult issues associated with motherhood and parenting: Antonella Gambotto-Burke questions the very basis of traditional parenting and tackles issues such as PND, isolation, birthing choices, changing body shape of women, societal expectations of mothers, sexulisation of children and mothers' undervalued role within society.

Part memoir, part spirituality, part parenting advice, Antonella Gambotto-Burke draws on the expertise of doctors, clinical psychologists, parenting advice specialists, feminists, and children's book artist (amongst others) to explore motherhood in a wholistic and personalised way. Gathering the many threads within this book, Antonella Gambotto-Burke makes attachment parenting much more accessible, emphasising that it is in essence about love and connection and not about the label. Her sentiments resonate true for me.

This is a beautiful read. Antonella Gambotto-Burke is truly a word artist. Her style of writing is captivating yet relatable.

I highly recommend this book.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have flipped and flopped over how I feel about this book. The book contains "conversations" about attachment and motherhood with some of the current leaders in the field, including Michel Odent, Laura Markham, Sheila Kitzinger, and Steve Biddulph. What these luminaries have to say on the subject is absolutely fascinating, but I cannot get my head around Gambotto-Burke's style. It isn't an interview as such, but part casual conversation, part therapy for Gambotto-Burke, who has a tendency to talk where the interviewee might, and to introduce random tenuous anecdotes from her own life. Having said that, her choice of conversationalists is spot on, and the chapters in which she talks honestly and openly about her own experiences and opinions are rather beautiful, even if she does occasionally run to the saccharine (her description of her daughter at two and a half seeing a television for the first time and asking "mama...what's that box with pictures in the air?" rings particularly smug and false. Had this child really never been to a doctor's surgery, or a friend or relation's home? Does the author really not have a computer screen in her home?). Gambotto-Burke's own story within this book is a sort of tragic love story, framed perfectly by the discussion of bonding and attachment. The love story is multi-generational, and speaks of the lack of attachment and failure of love in her own childhood home and youth, and in the family of her husband. Their union seems to be one of love, and they certainly feel strong attachment with their daughter, the product of this loving relationship, but tragically they cannot overcome the demons of their past, and again love and attachment fall apart. At the end of her account Gambotto-Burke and her daughter seem like the survivors of some shipwreck, clinging to each other and drifting in a sea of emotions, while her husband and other family members float further and further away. Part memoir and part complementary exploration of attachment and maternal love, what at first I found annoying I came to find beautifully and poetically tragic.

[Georgina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Born and raised a bookworm, my reading list must have numbered in the thousands. And yet, this is without a doubt one of the most superb books I have ever read. Not merely about motherhood... this books explores what it is to be female in the modern post-feminist world, and the impacts changes in cultural attitudes to femininity have had upon the way we raise our children, and how this effects the adults they become. Far from being preachy or dry, it is written in captivating conversational style, alternating between at times heart-rending and at other times hilarious anecdotes by the author, and clearcut interviews with experts in parenting world.

Inspiring, empowering... every woman, with or without children, should read this book.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

You immediately get the impression that Antonella is a fiercely intelligent and passionate woman, her writing is a joy to read and I found myself letting out many a resounding "YESS!!" . The book is a series of essays, some reflecting on Antonella's experience of motherhood and self-identify, interspersed with candid conversations with influential thinkers in the world of attachment theory and parenting - Sheila Kitzinger, Steve Biddulph, Gabor Mate to name a few, Laura Markham, all completely edifying. I enjoyed the conversation with Melinda Tankard-Reist concerning the sexualisation of children, and her practical suggestions of how to approach it in both the personal and political space.

I related to Antonella's thoughts that motherhood is a personal revolution, and that society places too much emphasis on 'returning to normal' - without making room for new models of existence. She shines a light one of the big taboos - the conspiratorial silence that you can't challenge another mother's parenting, no matter the negative effect on the children, but instead we have to try and conceptualise it as 'choice'. Do we romanticise careers? Sentimentalise motherhood? How do we reconcile feminism, personal priorities, child attachment needs and how do we frame these issues so that we achieve some level of reconciliation within ourselves. Her views may be challenging, yet ultimately, if we are not challenged, are we growing?

Ultimately, Antontella writes with candour and her expression is a literary pleasure. I attended this book's launch, where she and Steve Biddulph spoke of connection and love, and that it is those things that are at the heart of parenting and the human experience.

Lots of good stuff here. Definitely worth a read!

[Reader Chard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Motherhood, some of us stumble blindly into the shocking induction to secrets and passions that are a part of mothering; others have pen and journal in hand and approach it more intelligently. Where was the inteligent conversation with esteemed authors to ease the transition that floored me with its beauty and sometimes it's exquisite pain. I am an empath and every breath they take I have to remember it's their's to release. Everyones experience is unique and each can define Motherhood by their own criteria. I found some passages challenging but great inclusive and controversial coverage of the topic in contemporary society. I recommend this memoir in essay form most heartily for the authors clarity in exacting prose. An artist with a talent for words for sure. I shared with my Mother some and she was intrigued and it prompted a nice discussion.

[Veronica Valli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Antonella is a wonderful writer and even better interviewer. I loved this book. It consolidated how important motherhood is and how undervalued and neglected it is by society. This is book is so much more that a feminist piece on motherhood, it is a rallying cry on the nature of love, attachment and connection. Antonella clearly lays out how essential attachment is to our well being (at all ages) and how we refuse to recognize this much to our detriment. I loved this book, it spoke to me about everything I felt as a women and a mama.

[Janet Atkinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised how much I was captivated by this book. It is wonderfully written. It is powerfully feminist in a way I would never have thought to think about feminism. I found it very thought provoking. Highly recommended for all parents particularly parents with daughters.

[Miriam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Shows off both the best and worst sides of attachment parenting. The abundant love for their children and understanding of science, but also the high standards and blame and shame that is directed to anyone who doesn't agree with them.

[Ruth Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like a Mama bible, to return to again and again.

[Wsclai · Rating 3 out of 5]

It may be a very good book but I just don't like the way the content is delivered - in form of interview transcripts.

[Phoebe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is expertly crafted to be at once a deeply intimate story and interwoven with ideas, discussion and interviews that speak universally about the experience of motherhood, relationships, and femininity. Well worth reading for anyone curious about consciously birthing, parenting and relating with one’s child.

[Karl Tomm · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great stuff overall, but not her best one. Very eclectic and anecdotal at times, but personal and insightful as always.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Antonella's plunge into the world of motherhood is entertaining, idealistic and beautifully refreshing. Her enthusiasm for parenting and her transformation from the driven, fashionable career-focused journalist into the passionate and perhaps slightly unkempt mother is the beautiful subtext of this series of interviews. Her discussions with parenting experts, psychologists and the authors of books on subjects that consume the thoughts of mothers everywhere are intelligent, enlightening and enjoyable. It is a refreshing change to read a book that approaches the subject of motherhood from an intellectual angle, and challenges us to ask why attachment and love are not more highly valued by society. I enjoyed the interviews but my favourite aspects of this book are the glimpses into the author's own world and her transformation into a devoted parent - a revolution that perhaps surprised her most of all.
A lovely read and one that will challenge as well as inform you.