It's OK to Go Up the Slide: Renegade Rules for Raising Confident and Creative Kids

by Heather Shumaker

When it comes to parenting, sometimes you have to trust your gut.

With her first book, It’s OK Not to Share , Heather Shumaker overturned all the conventional rules of parenting with her “renegade rules” for raising competent and compassionate kids. In It’s Ok To Go Up the Slide , Shumaker takes on new hot-button issues with renegade rules such
 
- Recess Is A Right
- It’s Ok Not To Kiss Grandma
- Ban Homework in Elementary School
- Safety Second
- Don’t Force Participation
 
Shumaker also offers broader guidance on how parents can control their own fears and move from an overscheduled life to one of more free play. Parenting can too often be reduced to shuttling kids between enrichment classes, but Shumaker challenges parents to reevaluate how they’re spending their precious family time. This book helps parents help their kids develop important life skills in an age-appropriate way. Most important, parents must model these skills, whether it’s technology use, confronting conflict, or coping emotionally with setbacks. Sometimes being a good parent means breaking all the rules.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Adult, Childrens, Education, Professional Development, Audiobook

384 pages, Paperback

First published March 8, 2016

About the author

Heather Shumaker writes books for children and adults. She began writing books in elementary school and is now an award-winning author of several books for adults. The Griffins of Castle Cary is her first book for children.

Before she became an author, Heather tried many jobs, including: milk maid, sailor, llama trek guide and fire crew. She also lived at the South Pole and sorted garbage and recycling in Antarctica. Heather now lives in northern Michigan with her husband and two children.

Reviews

[Song Summers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes. All I can say is yes. Yes to this book.
More time outside for kids.
More free play.
Less or no screen time.
No to homework.
Yes to family time.
No to kindergarten being the new 1st grade.
Yes to being an example to my kids to less screen time.
Yes to words matter.
Yes.

[Alexandria · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another book that reminds you to treat your kids like people, a concept that Shumaker backs up with specific advice about topics that baffle many parents: what to do when you don't agree with the amount of homework your elementary-aged child has. How to deal with the Pink Princess overload most young girls get foisted on them - and the aggression some boys can hit when they want to find out why princesses are so popular with girls. Tragedy at home and in the news, tough topics and the ways to deal with them at varying ages.

Shumaker touches on all of these.

Her golden rule is "If it's not hurting anyone, it's OK" and hurting can mean physical or emotional, disrupting the group or causing someone else to be anxious. It's a good rule to live by and I for one love the way Shumaker gives options to help deal with things from multiple perspectives. The best example is her section on bullying: Shumaker reminds us that young children who bully are not inherently bad people. There is a reason they are doing what they're doing. As an adult it is up to us to figure out the why, and then help everyone involved regain their personal power by teaching them better conflict resolution and modeling compassion. If someone had pulled out that advice when I was in school, I think my own experiences with bullying wouldn't have been nearly as bad.

Shumaker stresses the importance of teaching compassion and conflict resolution, reminding the reader in many chapters that children learn by watching the adults around them as well as being told things in very specific words, not general phrases such as "play nice" and "we're all the same" and "be fair". She reminds us that we must explain many of the concepts we take for granted when we are speaking to children because they have yet to learn them. These are good reminders to have and, for someone like me who grew up an only child and did not have a properly communicative family, this is somewhat new information.

You're already reading parenting books, which means you want to change the way you do things. You might be looking for practices rooted in science, studies, and a little more common sense than the age-old "that's how we've always done it". You're already a renegade. Check out what Shumaker has to say. I'm glad I did.

[Mythili · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've gotten in the habit of using parenting books as a palate cleanser. This one was the right mix of anodyne and absurd. (The absurd part to me, is the idea that a sensible parent would take one's child out of kindergarten one day a week for mental health reasons. I mean, sure?) These books are such funny barometers of the prevailing parenting winds, some of which I'm grateful for (let your kids run free! let them go up the slide!) and some of which deserve to be laughed at (like making a highbrow virtue of absenteeism). But there was a good deal of thoughtful advice in this book, too-- I haven't yet had to navigate things like homework battles, so I found those sections particularly eye-opening. And some of the current trends in parenting come as a necessary reaction in trends in schooling and culture, so it's useful to think about how things I took for granted as a kid (like recess) aren't necessarily a given for little kids these days.

[Emily Linacre · Rating 4 out of 5]

reassuring and also anxiety-inducing, for me 😵
so much of this book i agree with -- strangers aren't all bad; fostering independence is important (and scary); i don't need to always play with or entertain my kids.
some things went too far for me -- teaching young kids about the days of the week and time aren't important? writing a letter or talking to the teacher about "opting out" of homework? noperdoodles. although, i think my kiddos are fortunate to have had wonderful teachers so far who believe in play-based learning, and i have no issues with the tiny bit of homework they've received. reading at least 4 days a week as a family? we do that anyway. some interesting food for thought, some reassurance that we're doing some stuff right, and some yikes moments (kids under 4 should have NO screen time? welp, my daughter is COMPLETELY ruined...)
loved the format, with lists of words and phrases to use and to avoid!

[Anna Trahan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book, the author presents balanced and reasonable approaches to some common kid dilemmas such as screen time. I appreciate that the author wasn’t drastic or extreme but encourages each family to find the best fit and boundaries for themselves. The author provided helpful scripts for talking with kids and other adults which made it practical.
I was interested in what she said about kindergarten as I was unaware that kindergarten is too structured for most five year olds and burns them out before real school even starts. Also she had some interesting ideas about telling kids scary stories which I’d never thought of but made sense.
Overall a quick, easy, and fun read. I will re-read when I actually have kids, and am interested in reading this author’s other books.

[Kerri · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt the author used it as an opportunity to give her opinions of the US education system which doesn’t pertain to me in Australia. It was not as informative at her first book and I ended up skipping over a lot of it. Glad I borrowed it from the library.

[Rachael · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's OK to Go up the Slide means more than just the obvious -- that in the sterile playgrounds adults create in order to keep everything easy and safe for kids, they WILL make challenges. (And without teaching your kid to be a jerk, it is really OK in most instances to go up the slide.) The other more symbolic and important meaning is that as a parent, you are your children's advocate. It is your responsibility to stand up for their right to even have a childhood when everyone else is driving their kids around for fear of letting them walk, keeping them busy in structured activities that stifle their creativity, and making it too easy to just let them sit inside with noses in a screen. As a mom, I know that it feels like going "up the slide" to try to challenge a status quo or to insist on change when I think something is not right for our family. For instance over the years I have had to bring up the subject of homework with two of my kids' teachers, because I thought that the amount they assigned was excessive and was infringing on family time. Shumaker provides sample scripts for conversations and letters to help parents broach the subject with teachers. She herself has banned homework for elementary school in her family -- yes, banned it because the state can not tell you how to spend your evenings. I hadn't looked at it that way before, and obviously many other parents haven't, and our kids suffer because of our unquestioning obedience to what schools dictate. Another thing she provides is evidence in support of the need of more recess, and again, sample scripts and ideas for how to bring up that topic with teachers and administrators. She tackles many more subjects in this book, and I came away with a lot of solid and helpful advice that I know I'll be referring back to for years to come. I want to have the courage and confidence to go up the slide, and raise children who will do the same.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the follow-up (and expansion) of her original libertarian (is this fair?) parent manifesto It's Okay Not to Share , Shumaker dips into public school policy like homework loads, constant parental signatures, and recess time, as well as other parenting hot topics like bodily autonomy, preschool princess obsession, and screen time...time. As usual, she recommends reading the book in the bits and chunks most relevant to you, and welcomes you to dismiss anything that doesn't jive with your own family culture or parenting interests.

Some of my favorite chapters, though, aren't about parenting as a transitive verb, but in a more reflective sense...in other words, becoming the parent you want to be. In my paltry research on screen time, the researchers (and Shumaker) come to the conclusion that much hand-wringing about kid screen time would be better spend hand-tying parent screen time. Shumaker devotes a whole chapter to it, as well as a chapter each on modeling your own mistakes and about leaving your kids the hell alone and having some kind of an autonomous life (Sample script: "Right now I'm doing something. I'll come see you when I've finished.").

While I read the book straight through, I imagine it will be most useful to be as a handbook as the occasion arises. Shumaker includes sample form letters in the appendix and every chapter gives you some scripts to try out with your family (Sample from "Share Unfair History": "It used to be against the law to ___. That wasn't fair, so people worked to change it."). The one problem is the book is a book, and not embedded in my brain for me to pull up the main points of script suggestions when my kid calls someone else "so so so silly" or whines for a sandwich with honey and no peanut butter.

[Marc · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked a lot of the ideas the author had, mostly because it affirmed how I was raising my children. However, many of her ideas are not research based and are drawn from very specific schools that are outside the restrictions of the average public school. I didn't finish the book because she never gave concrete examples of ways to affect real change in a school. Rather there was more just don't say no mentality to whatever the school says they want you to do. I was hoping for more ways to compromise.

[Anna Schubert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just as good as It's OK Not to Share. This book focuses on slightly older kids (late pre-K through mid-elementary), but it's a really helpful discussion on how to parent thoughtfully and in a way that helps kids be resilient and self-sufficient while still feeling supported.
Reading the chapters on recess and homework made me feel a little ragey, but that's only to be expected when considering the current trends in early education.

[Xin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Got hold of this book from the library. I like the format and the message. Being “proper” and being “educated” are overrated. Modern parenting in a way has become too processed, much like the chemical foods we consume. Any prolonged deviation from organic human life would cause equally unpleasant consequences. Allow children be children, and lead with examples. Let children learn, instead of study. Believe in science, not peer parental pressure.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Didn't agree or love all but the chapters are amazing. Filled with both data and practical information, and emotional support like things to say and ideas and values that these activities are fostering, very well appreciated layout. Her last chapter also speaks to the fact that even if you don't agree with everything, that is totally normal and good. Just pick the parts that you like that jive with your soul and apply!

[Staci · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very interesting read, particularly for those of us who grew up entertaining ourselves, experiencing freedom regularly and sorting out our own problems. Raising our own kids now, it seems as though our childhoods are a relic of the past, but they need not be if we choose to give our kids what we had.

[Jim D'Ambrosia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Followup to It's OK Not to Share by the same author. Really, just more of the same, but maybe for older (grade-school) children. But it's good stuff. Not much new, but I agree with almost all of it. A good corrective to some of today's overprotective parenting, but without adopting discredited old-school harshness.

[Mandy Crumb · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good common sense book with scientific research to back up the author's viewpoint. As a homeschooling mom much of this one was not relevant for me but I am glad to see the information. Good action ideas that can really support the journey of raising confident children and fostering the bond of family. I found large sections of it affirming because it is roughly how I raise my own kids.

[Lindsay Westfall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice for parents looking for ways to release some control over their kids. The suggestions given by the author gave me courage to let my kids figure out their own limits, within their own capabilities, and expanded my ideas about what they could be capable of.

[Christine Crawford · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually already kind of knew the stuff in this book and it's more geared towards children a little younger than mine. However, it has some great advice for parents of younger kids and I would recommend it.

[Allison Severson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Main premise...If your toddler/preschooler isn’t harming themselves, others, or property... let them be! The author discusses, among other topics, the negative effects of not enough unstructured play time and the positive impact of allowing children to resolve conflict among themselves.

[Candice Roy · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was lacking my action half way through was a lot of the content has ready been touched on in many books that I've read.
With the said, the author is still a good write and I've enjoyed a few of her other books

[Kjersti · Rating 4 out of 5]

I particularly liked that it had useful lists. And several different suggested ways to say the same thing so you can get the idea of how to communicate it in your own style. Practical advice about how to talk about hurting feelings.

[Lauren Barlis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book. So practical and refreshing. I got it on audiobook from the library, but now I want to pick up a print copy as well to have it on hand as a reference. Her ideas are so helpful and research-backed.

[Becca Hadley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book with some really good points that helped me question common parenting rationale with an analytical lens. There are some chapters I found more applicable to my parenting style than others, but overall found it an empowering read.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Content is great. I like the reasoning behind the “renegade rules”, like that it damages kids’ confidence when they are expected to learn something years before they’re ready (the calendar, for example). But I think it could be edited down to about a third the text without losing anything.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent advice for parents! Especially for those who feel like they need a little more guidance. Offers exact word choices without "forcing" anything on parents! I love this book!

[Lacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were a lot of chapters I loved, and some I didn’t.

[Kaci Kennedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up, there were some chapters I really liked and challenged me to think about things differently and others that renewed my passion for specific topics.

[Jessica Snow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of really great ideas! Some seem better founded than others. It is definitely not easy to buck the social norms, but that is what she's advocating for.

[Alaa Sawlan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so glad that I read this book and discussed it with my friends. It is a great Gide for the parents and has many important points that should be knowing.

[Amber Launstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many great ideas and the science to back them. I love how she gave such good examples that I could easily see how to implement them in my family. Dare I say, the chapter on tech changed my life.

[Sommer Huffmaster]

Only read half of it. Good for elementary Ed kids.