What do you think?
Rate this book
How Women Decide: What’s True, What’s Not, and What Strategies Spark the Best Choices
So, you’ve earned a seat at the table.
What happens next?
From confidence gaps to power poses, leaning in to calling bias out, bossypants to girl bosses, women have been hearing a lot of advice lately. Most of this aims at greater success, but very little focuses on a key set of skills that ensures such success — making the wisest, strongest decisions.
Every day, in every part of our lives, we face an increasing number of choices. Our futures depend not just on the results, but on how well we handle making these hard choices and the serious scrutiny that comes with them.
But is a woman’s experience issuing a tough call any different from a man’s?
Absolutely. From start to finish.
Men and women approach decisions differently, though not necessarily in the ways we have been led to believe. Stress? It actually makes women more focused. Confidence? A healthy dose of self-questioning leads to much stronger decisions. And despite popular misconceptions, women are just as decisive as men — though they may pay a price for it.
So why, then, does a real gap arise after the decision is made? Why are we quick to question a woman’s decisions but inclined to accept a man’s? And why is a man’s reputation as a smart decision-maker cemented after one big call, but a woman is expected to prove herself again and again?
How Women Decide delivers lively, engaging stories of real women and their experiences, as well as expert, accessible analysis of what the science has to say. Cognitive psychologist Therese Huston breaks open the myths and opens up the conversation about how we can best shape our habits, perceptions, and strategies, not just to make the most of our own opportunities, but to reshape the culture and bring out the best decisions — regardless of who’s making them.
What happens next?
From confidence gaps to power poses, leaning in to calling bias out, bossypants to girl bosses, women have been hearing a lot of advice lately. Most of this aims at greater success, but very little focuses on a key set of skills that ensures such success — making the wisest, strongest decisions.
Every day, in every part of our lives, we face an increasing number of choices. Our futures depend not just on the results, but on how well we handle making these hard choices and the serious scrutiny that comes with them.
But is a woman’s experience issuing a tough call any different from a man’s?
Absolutely. From start to finish.
Men and women approach decisions differently, though not necessarily in the ways we have been led to believe. Stress? It actually makes women more focused. Confidence? A healthy dose of self-questioning leads to much stronger decisions. And despite popular misconceptions, women are just as decisive as men — though they may pay a price for it.
So why, then, does a real gap arise after the decision is made? Why are we quick to question a woman’s decisions but inclined to accept a man’s? And why is a man’s reputation as a smart decision-maker cemented after one big call, but a woman is expected to prove herself again and again?
How Women Decide delivers lively, engaging stories of real women and their experiences, as well as expert, accessible analysis of what the science has to say. Cognitive psychologist Therese Huston breaks open the myths and opens up the conversation about how we can best shape our habits, perceptions, and strategies, not just to make the most of our own opportunities, but to reshape the culture and bring out the best decisions — regardless of who’s making them.
384 pages, Hardcover
First published May 10, 2016
87 people are currently reading
1518 people want to read
About the author
Therese Huston
8 books54 followersTHERESE HUSTON, PH.D., is a cognitive scientist at Seattle University and the author of four books. Her latest book, "Sharp: 14 Simple Ways to Improve Your Life with Brain Science," helps you make the most of the brain you've got. Whatever your age, we all want to be a little mentally sharper.
Therese received her BA from Carleton College and her MS and PhD in cognitive psychology from Carnegie Mellon University. She completed a post-doc in clinical cognitive neuroscience at the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition and she’s earned a postgraduate certificate in Organizational Leadership from the Said Business School at the University of Oxford.
In 2004, she founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University. Therese has also written for the New York Times and Harvard Business Review and "How Women Decide" was named a summer reading title by Oprah.com.
Therese gives talks and leads workshops on how to create more inclusive workplaces. Microsoft, Amazon, Nationwide, Morgan Stanley, the Cleveland Clinic, and TEDX have all asked Therese to give talks on creating more inclusive workplaces.
When she’s not writing or speaking, she loves to spend time with her charming and very bright husband and her adorable but not-very-bright Boston Terrier.
Therese received her BA from Carleton College and her MS and PhD in cognitive psychology from Carnegie Mellon University. She completed a post-doc in clinical cognitive neuroscience at the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition and she’s earned a postgraduate certificate in Organizational Leadership from the Said Business School at the University of Oxford.
In 2004, she founded the Center for Excellence in Teaching and Learning at Seattle University. Therese has also written for the New York Times and Harvard Business Review and "How Women Decide" was named a summer reading title by Oprah.com.
Therese gives talks and leads workshops on how to create more inclusive workplaces. Microsoft, Amazon, Nationwide, Morgan Stanley, the Cleveland Clinic, and TEDX have all asked Therese to give talks on creating more inclusive workplaces.
When she’s not writing or speaking, she loves to spend time with her charming and very bright husband and her adorable but not-very-bright Boston Terrier.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews
June 5, 2019
Data shows that when women are under a lot of stress, that they tend to go to the known solution. Men will go for the risky option.
Things to say -
I strongly believe we should do this -
This is going to be the plan -
Is there anything that we haven't heard yet before I make a decision?
Notes:
Having strong social networks help women stay and move into high leadership roles
"There's a popular misconception that women are indecisive by nature, that unlike men, women continously review their options, avoiding the responsibility of choice" (21)
"I've chosen to focus on women's decisions in the workplace because there's a disconnect in the literature and because so many women suspect that they're to blame for the way their discussions are judged once they walk into the office" (23)
"They wonder if their career challenges and sense of disadventage are of their own making or if there's something systemic going on.." (23).
"Some researchers say that women are better at reading social cues because of higher oxytocin and lower testosterone levels" (43).
"What price do women pay when they include rather than insist?" (69)
Strive for transparency (92)
What to say to - "You can't make up your mind" - Actually I'm considering the content.
"People hesitate to take risks on women" (122)
"In one on one meetings with you supervisor, make him or her aware of what you've done" (138)
"If we look at social risks, women rise to the fore. What's a social risk? Taking a risk in a group; for example, speaking your mind about an unpopular issue, openly disagreeing with your boss, or admitting your tastes are different from the people around you" (140). "Women are also more likely to make a complete career change, which is considered a social risk because it means leaving one's place in the organizational chart to start all over again" (140).
"Telling someone you made a mistake opens you up to being judged and rejected" (140).
"Risk taking is not a personality trait. It's a skill" (167)
"Men do ask for raises and seek promotionsn more often than women" (179)
"Overconfidence increases the chances that each hypothetical problem will become a real problem" (183)
"If a woman feels humble compared to the men around her when a decision is being made, she's probably one of the most valuable assets in the room" (184)
"Tips and tricks for turning up that confidence dial. First lower the pitch of your voice. Don't whisper - just talk in a lower pitch. Think of the deeper voices of Emma Stone, Kathleen Turner.. Research shows that when people talk in a lower voice, they feel a greater sense of power and confidence, and they find it easier to think more abstractly. People experience boosts in their confidence and their problem solving abilities within five minutes of starting to talk in a lower tone" (191).
"..they expect women with lower voices to make better leaders and be more competent and trustworthy" (192)
High power pose (193)
"Women are often penalized for self-promotion while men are not" (196)
"For many women, even public figures like Sheryl Sandberg, private success is more comfortable than public acclaim" (199).
"Men and women both produce cortisol in response to stress, but Mather, van den Bos, and several other scientists have found that the same chemical leads to opposite behaviors in men and women. If you're a woman and your body floods with cortisol, you become more risk alert. But if you're a man and your body surges with cortisol, you become more risk-seeking. (227)
"When you interpret your body's reaction to stress as something that will improve and enhance your performance, when you tell yourself, I'm glad my heart is pounding; it means I'm ready for this, then you see and hear the world differently" (250).
Things to say -
I strongly believe we should do this -
This is going to be the plan -
Is there anything that we haven't heard yet before I make a decision?
Notes:
Having strong social networks help women stay and move into high leadership roles
"There's a popular misconception that women are indecisive by nature, that unlike men, women continously review their options, avoiding the responsibility of choice" (21)
"I've chosen to focus on women's decisions in the workplace because there's a disconnect in the literature and because so many women suspect that they're to blame for the way their discussions are judged once they walk into the office" (23)
"They wonder if their career challenges and sense of disadventage are of their own making or if there's something systemic going on.." (23).
"Some researchers say that women are better at reading social cues because of higher oxytocin and lower testosterone levels" (43).
"What price do women pay when they include rather than insist?" (69)
Strive for transparency (92)
What to say to - "You can't make up your mind" - Actually I'm considering the content.
"People hesitate to take risks on women" (122)
"In one on one meetings with you supervisor, make him or her aware of what you've done" (138)
"If we look at social risks, women rise to the fore. What's a social risk? Taking a risk in a group; for example, speaking your mind about an unpopular issue, openly disagreeing with your boss, or admitting your tastes are different from the people around you" (140). "Women are also more likely to make a complete career change, which is considered a social risk because it means leaving one's place in the organizational chart to start all over again" (140).
"Telling someone you made a mistake opens you up to being judged and rejected" (140).
"Risk taking is not a personality trait. It's a skill" (167)
"Men do ask for raises and seek promotionsn more often than women" (179)
"Overconfidence increases the chances that each hypothetical problem will become a real problem" (183)
"If a woman feels humble compared to the men around her when a decision is being made, she's probably one of the most valuable assets in the room" (184)
"Tips and tricks for turning up that confidence dial. First lower the pitch of your voice. Don't whisper - just talk in a lower pitch. Think of the deeper voices of Emma Stone, Kathleen Turner.. Research shows that when people talk in a lower voice, they feel a greater sense of power and confidence, and they find it easier to think more abstractly. People experience boosts in their confidence and their problem solving abilities within five minutes of starting to talk in a lower tone" (191).
"..they expect women with lower voices to make better leaders and be more competent and trustworthy" (192)
High power pose (193)
"Women are often penalized for self-promotion while men are not" (196)
"For many women, even public figures like Sheryl Sandberg, private success is more comfortable than public acclaim" (199).
"Men and women both produce cortisol in response to stress, but Mather, van den Bos, and several other scientists have found that the same chemical leads to opposite behaviors in men and women. If you're a woman and your body floods with cortisol, you become more risk alert. But if you're a man and your body surges with cortisol, you become more risk-seeking. (227)
"When you interpret your body's reaction to stress as something that will improve and enhance your performance, when you tell yourself, I'm glad my heart is pounding; it means I'm ready for this, then you see and hear the world differently" (250).
June 10, 2021
I got this out of the library when I had a big decision to make, then kept renewing it and meaning to read it long after I'd made the decision. I think I was dreading learning that I didn't use a strategy that would 'spark the best choice' (my strategy of choice often involves procrastination)! When I finally got round to reading it, I was pleasantly surprised. A really good overview by a cognitive psychologist, packed with info from studies, illustrative anecdotes, and helpful tips, in a Malcolm Gladwell-style package. I didn't find it overly gender-essentialist, and liked the author's focus on the social construction of how we make decisions and also how others perceive our decision-making. I read lots of interesting tidbits aloud to my ever-patient spouse, thought about some immediate illustrations of the author's points found in my own workplace, and got some good ideas for later. Recommended!
February 2, 2021
3.5 stars...rounded up for exceeded expectations.
I saw another reviewer describe this as a "Malcolm Gladwell-type book detailing research on gender issues." Which is a very accurate summary. Think Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking but through the lens of "women's intuition."
I went in initially skeptical but ended up enjoying it. The book loosely centers on common stereotypes about women and women leaders---i.e. can't make a decision, too emotional, easily swayed, etc. And then breaks down both where the stereotype originate and what makes it true or not. But most of all, the book centers on the internal narratives that women tell themselves and often hear from those around them.
I am--in general--skeptical of any book that tries to make a woman a victim of culture. But I don't think this book does that. Much of it involves helpful, strategic tips mixed with interesting studies for approaching decisions and why the traditional strengths (and weaknesses) of both men and women mean you need both voices heard.
Did I love every moment of it? No. But I did gain lots of insightful tips for when I need to make decisions and why what seems obvious to me might not seem so to my male colleagues. It contained many useful tips, especially for women in traditionally "male" fields.
I saw another reviewer describe this as a "Malcolm Gladwell-type book detailing research on gender issues." Which is a very accurate summary. Think Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking but through the lens of "women's intuition."
I went in initially skeptical but ended up enjoying it. The book loosely centers on common stereotypes about women and women leaders---i.e. can't make a decision, too emotional, easily swayed, etc. And then breaks down both where the stereotype originate and what makes it true or not. But most of all, the book centers on the internal narratives that women tell themselves and often hear from those around them.
I am--in general--skeptical of any book that tries to make a woman a victim of culture. But I don't think this book does that. Much of it involves helpful, strategic tips mixed with interesting studies for approaching decisions and why the traditional strengths (and weaknesses) of both men and women mean you need both voices heard.
Did I love every moment of it? No. But I did gain lots of insightful tips for when I need to make decisions and why what seems obvious to me might not seem so to my male colleagues. It contained many useful tips, especially for women in traditionally "male" fields.
February 2, 2021
This book was part way in-between I liked it and really liked it. Mostly due to some dated references in the book that didn't age well (Elizabeth Holmes as inspirational). Overall an interesting read with good take aways for any gender.
May 16, 2020
Loved it. It was beautiful.
The author's voice walks that line of reporting and telling. The tidbits included are the highlights of my favorite books on decision making; what I've learned in many workshops on women in the workplace and some entrancing things I didn't know. For one thing:
Stereotype threat - being reminded you're not part of the in group - actually harms your ability to make decisions.
Stereotype threat risk assessment (more true answers, higher chance of experiencing):
1) Some of my male colleagues think women are not as committed to their careers as men
2) When I think about my career progression I often compare myself to the men in my organization
3) Sometimes I think that my behavior will cause my male colleagues to think that stereotypes about women apply to me
4) I feel I am continuously switching between my feminine self and my work self
5) If I made a mistake at work I'm sometimes afraid my male colleagues will think I'm not cut out for this job because I'm a woman
6) Some of my colleagues feel that women have less ability than men in this job
7) I work in an environment that prizes stereotypically masculine qualities such as being decisive, aggressive, self-reliant, self-confident, and achievement oriented
How to cope once you're in stereotype threat? Set a timer for 15 minutes, take out paper and write down one of your core values (not necessarily the highest one). For the time free write on why is this important to you(why dos it matter, who taught you it should, moments you've acted on it). "Writing about something you care about helps you cope with a threat to your identity."
The author's voice walks that line of reporting and telling. The tidbits included are the highlights of my favorite books on decision making; what I've learned in many workshops on women in the workplace and some entrancing things I didn't know. For one thing:
Stereotype threat - being reminded you're not part of the in group - actually harms your ability to make decisions.
Stereotype threat risk assessment (more true answers, higher chance of experiencing):
1) Some of my male colleagues think women are not as committed to their careers as men
2) When I think about my career progression I often compare myself to the men in my organization
3) Sometimes I think that my behavior will cause my male colleagues to think that stereotypes about women apply to me
4) I feel I am continuously switching between my feminine self and my work self
5) If I made a mistake at work I'm sometimes afraid my male colleagues will think I'm not cut out for this job because I'm a woman
6) Some of my colleagues feel that women have less ability than men in this job
7) I work in an environment that prizes stereotypically masculine qualities such as being decisive, aggressive, self-reliant, self-confident, and achievement oriented
How to cope once you're in stereotype threat? Set a timer for 15 minutes, take out paper and write down one of your core values (not necessarily the highest one). For the time free write on why is this important to you(why dos it matter, who taught you it should, moments you've acted on it). "Writing about something you care about helps you cope with a threat to your identity."
May 16, 2018
Found it when I browsed all those shelves in Big Bad Wolf, then searched for its own pile because I would like to have the one with better and smoother cover (lol), but couldn't find any so I have to be satisfied with this one. No regret, because this book is somehow fits my need, because currently I am in a personal crossroads.
From this book, we will learn more about decision making from both genders, how men are more risk-taking and women are risk-alert; how it also applied not only in human, but also in animals; how women should be more confident, etc, backed with real academic researches. My first thought after reading the statement that men tend to be more confident than women, eventhough the women is more competent than the men in one particular skill: "wow, no wonder we heard more about 'she could do better' than the men counterpart one in the heterosexual dating scene lmao".
The best part of this book is the little summary from every chapter, so helpful!
From this book, we will learn more about decision making from both genders, how men are more risk-taking and women are risk-alert; how it also applied not only in human, but also in animals; how women should be more confident, etc, backed with real academic researches. My first thought after reading the statement that men tend to be more confident than women, eventhough the women is more competent than the men in one particular skill: "wow, no wonder we heard more about 'she could do better' than the men counterpart one in the heterosexual dating scene lmao".
The best part of this book is the little summary from every chapter, so helpful!
June 11, 2018
This book was fantastic. I learned so much about how cultural expectations play into the way women decide, and the way men and women perceive those decisions. Her book applies in all aspects of life, regardless of career.
The most refreshing part about this book was that the book was based in solid research. She highlights the fact that women often have better judgement than they realize. I took notes (because unlike many other self-help books, this book actually gives you solid advice of how to start making changes) and was completely engrossed!
One great suggestion was to write one line in a journal every day about a decision you made (since we often can't remember the reason we made decisions looking back) She said:
"We women need to send messages to ourselves. The world sends a lot of doubt our way and we can counter it with our own understanding and careful thinking. We often have better judgement than we realize, than we remember, and we just need a little reminder from ourselves of how wise--and sometimes brave--we are."
The most refreshing part about this book was that the book was based in solid research. She highlights the fact that women often have better judgement than they realize. I took notes (because unlike many other self-help books, this book actually gives you solid advice of how to start making changes) and was completely engrossed!
One great suggestion was to write one line in a journal every day about a decision you made (since we often can't remember the reason we made decisions looking back) She said:
"We women need to send messages to ourselves. The world sends a lot of doubt our way and we can counter it with our own understanding and careful thinking. We often have better judgement than we realize, than we remember, and we just need a little reminder from ourselves of how wise--and sometimes brave--we are."
November 8, 2020
Selle raamatu pealkiri on minu jaoks selline, et tavaliselt ma midagi sellist ei loe, kuna tundub liialt triviaalne. Pealkirja järgi võiks arvata, et tegemist on mingi eneseabiraamatuga, millel pole teaduspõhisusega mingit pistmist, aga tegelikult on asi vastupidine – selles raamatus on peaaegu 400 viidet ja see põhineb uurimustel. Olin ilmselt just sellepärast selle omale ostnud, aga miskipärast jäi see riiulisse seisma mitmeks kuuks kuni märkasin veebis üht arvustust, mis minus uuesti huvi tekitas. Nii siis võtsingi lõpuks kätte ja lugesin ja ei pidanud kahetsema. Kuigi tuleb tunnistada, et naine on ikka raske olla ja minus tekitab masendust, et selleks, et sind kuulda võetaks või et saaksid karjääri teha, pead üldse mõtlema millelegi sellisele nagu oma hääle madaldamine või mingid muud nipid, et sind tõsiselt võetaks. Ma ei pea end feministiks, küll aga olen väga veendunud võrdõiguslikkuse pooldaja ja igasugune soopõhine lähenemine nii töösuhetes kui eraelus on mulle täiesti vastuvõetamatu. Et üldse pead sellele mõtlema, kuidas midagi öelda, selle asemel, et keskenduda sisule ja lihtsalt öelda – see on nii masendav.
Paraku pole maailm täna veel ideaalne ja ei piisa sellest teadmisest, et naise aju pole mehe ajust kuidagi kehvem ja vaimsed võimed ei tulene sinu soost. Kõige ebaõiglasem tundub mulle see, et mehe emotsionaalsus kirjutatakse mingi ajutise stressi arvele, naise oma aga peetakse ebakompetentsuseks. Ma ise otsustasin mõni aeg tagasi, et ma ei viitsi enam taluda nõmedusi ja täiesti teadlikult luban endale kohest äkilist reaktsiooni, kui keegi (mees) mind töösuhetes alavääristab või millegagi nõmetsema hakkab. Otsustasin, et ei kavatse enam selliseid asju taluda ja reageerin kohe ja jõuliselt (loe: emotsionaalselt), kui tunnen, et keegi mulle liiga teeb. Nüüd siis selgus seda raamatut lugedes, et minu sellist käitumist saab tõlgendada ebakompetentsusena, kuna ma olen naine (lk 18). Lisaks tõlgendatakse ka naiste tahet koostööd teha otsustusvõimetusena – et kui naine tahab teistega rohkem arvestada ja teisi kaasata, siis on ta otsustusvõimetu meeste arvates (lk 95). Huh, see teeb mulle ausalt öeldes lausa viha, et peaksin ikkagi kasutama mingeid suhtlemisnippe, mida mehed kasutama ei pea. Ma ei suuda aktsepteerida olukorda, et oleme inimestena veel nii madalal arengutasemel. Olen ilmselgelt väga suurelt Rootsi ühiskonna poolt mõjutatud, sest aastakümneid kestnud koostöö rootslastega on minust vorminud inimese, kes ei hinda inimesi mitte nende soo järgi, vaid teadmiste ja kogemuste põhjal.
See raamat toob välja palju teadusuuringute tulemusi, mida peaks kõik teadma, kellel vähegi vaja juhipositsioonil otsuseid teha või oma organisatsioonile juhti valida. Nimelt näitavad uuringud, et naised on meestest analüütilisemad ja mehed intuitiivsemad – oma eelarvamuste tõttu usume aga, et see on täpselt vastupidi. Aga just naised arvestavad otsuseid tehes rohkem fakte. Näiteks juhtkonnad, kus on ka naisi, küsivad nõu parimatest allikatest ja teevad paremaid otsuseid (lk 91). Huvitav on ka see, et uuringud näitavad, et meestel on põhjendamatult kõrge enesehinnang. 71% meestest on veendunud, et nad on intelligentsemad, kui nad tegelikult on (lk 173). Kui kolleegide ja alluvate hinnangul on parimad juhid just naised, siis meesjuhtide endi hinnangul on ikka nemad paremad – kuigi uuringud näitavad vastupidist (lk 176). Probleem on selles, et liigne enesekindlus ei aita parematele otsustele kaasa, sest ei pane otsima parimaid lahendusi. Juhid, kelle enesehinnang on täpsem, toetuvad rohkem andmetele ja on avatumad, mistõttu saavad teha ka paremaid otsuseid (lk 181).
Huvitav on ka see, et mehed ei hakka teistele vähem meeldima, kui nad end milleski esile tõstavad, naised aga küll. Naisi nimelt arvustatakse väga karmilt, kui nad julgevad oma soovidest (näiteks palgatõususoovist) julgelt ja kindlalt teada anda (lk 196-197). Naine meeldib siis kohe vähem, mehega aga sama ei juhtu. Kohutavalt ebaõiglane.
Lisaks, kui naine pingeolukorras tugevalt negatiivseid tundeid väljendab, tõlgendatakse seda kui võimetust arukaid otsuseid langetada, meeste suhtes sama ei järeldata (lk 209). Samas on neuroteadlased tõestanud, et kui otsuseid tuleb langetada pingelises olukorras, on juhtkonnal eelis, kui otsustamisest võtab osa ka mõni naine (lk 214). Sest naised on pingeolukorras paremad otsustajad, kui mehed. Kuna andmetel põhinev otsus on enamasti parim ja naised tuginevad rohkem andmetele, siis on naiste otsused ka pingeolukordades paremad. Väga pingelises olukorras riskivad mehed rohkem, see aga toob kaasa halvemaid otsuseid. Nimelt tõukab kortisool mehi ja naisi erinevates suundades, mistõttu naistel on kergem käia rahulikku ja kindlat rada ka siis, kui on tugev stressiolukord.
Siin raamatus on ka soovitusi ja nippe naistele, kui nad tahavad, et nende arvamusega rohkem arvestataks. Ma pole päris kindel, kas tahaksin hakata teadlikult nii käituma, et enda sõna rohkem maksma panna. Tunnen suurt vastumeelsust igasuguse teeskluse vastu, lisaks pole ma ka eriline karjäärihai – pole iial tahtnud kellestki mööda trampides oma karjääri edendada. Pigem eelistan rahulikku ja mõistlikku koostööd ja võimalikult stressivaba elu. Küsimus on lihtsalt selles, kas maskuliinses kollektiivis nii üldse ellu jääb.
Paraku pole maailm täna veel ideaalne ja ei piisa sellest teadmisest, et naise aju pole mehe ajust kuidagi kehvem ja vaimsed võimed ei tulene sinu soost. Kõige ebaõiglasem tundub mulle see, et mehe emotsionaalsus kirjutatakse mingi ajutise stressi arvele, naise oma aga peetakse ebakompetentsuseks. Ma ise otsustasin mõni aeg tagasi, et ma ei viitsi enam taluda nõmedusi ja täiesti teadlikult luban endale kohest äkilist reaktsiooni, kui keegi (mees) mind töösuhetes alavääristab või millegagi nõmetsema hakkab. Otsustasin, et ei kavatse enam selliseid asju taluda ja reageerin kohe ja jõuliselt (loe: emotsionaalselt), kui tunnen, et keegi mulle liiga teeb. Nüüd siis selgus seda raamatut lugedes, et minu sellist käitumist saab tõlgendada ebakompetentsusena, kuna ma olen naine (lk 18). Lisaks tõlgendatakse ka naiste tahet koostööd teha otsustusvõimetusena – et kui naine tahab teistega rohkem arvestada ja teisi kaasata, siis on ta otsustusvõimetu meeste arvates (lk 95). Huh, see teeb mulle ausalt öeldes lausa viha, et peaksin ikkagi kasutama mingeid suhtlemisnippe, mida mehed kasutama ei pea. Ma ei suuda aktsepteerida olukorda, et oleme inimestena veel nii madalal arengutasemel. Olen ilmselgelt väga suurelt Rootsi ühiskonna poolt mõjutatud, sest aastakümneid kestnud koostöö rootslastega on minust vorminud inimese, kes ei hinda inimesi mitte nende soo järgi, vaid teadmiste ja kogemuste põhjal.
See raamat toob välja palju teadusuuringute tulemusi, mida peaks kõik teadma, kellel vähegi vaja juhipositsioonil otsuseid teha või oma organisatsioonile juhti valida. Nimelt näitavad uuringud, et naised on meestest analüütilisemad ja mehed intuitiivsemad – oma eelarvamuste tõttu usume aga, et see on täpselt vastupidi. Aga just naised arvestavad otsuseid tehes rohkem fakte. Näiteks juhtkonnad, kus on ka naisi, küsivad nõu parimatest allikatest ja teevad paremaid otsuseid (lk 91). Huvitav on ka see, et uuringud näitavad, et meestel on põhjendamatult kõrge enesehinnang. 71% meestest on veendunud, et nad on intelligentsemad, kui nad tegelikult on (lk 173). Kui kolleegide ja alluvate hinnangul on parimad juhid just naised, siis meesjuhtide endi hinnangul on ikka nemad paremad – kuigi uuringud näitavad vastupidist (lk 176). Probleem on selles, et liigne enesekindlus ei aita parematele otsustele kaasa, sest ei pane otsima parimaid lahendusi. Juhid, kelle enesehinnang on täpsem, toetuvad rohkem andmetele ja on avatumad, mistõttu saavad teha ka paremaid otsuseid (lk 181).
Huvitav on ka see, et mehed ei hakka teistele vähem meeldima, kui nad end milleski esile tõstavad, naised aga küll. Naisi nimelt arvustatakse väga karmilt, kui nad julgevad oma soovidest (näiteks palgatõususoovist) julgelt ja kindlalt teada anda (lk 196-197). Naine meeldib siis kohe vähem, mehega aga sama ei juhtu. Kohutavalt ebaõiglane.
Lisaks, kui naine pingeolukorras tugevalt negatiivseid tundeid väljendab, tõlgendatakse seda kui võimetust arukaid otsuseid langetada, meeste suhtes sama ei järeldata (lk 209). Samas on neuroteadlased tõestanud, et kui otsuseid tuleb langetada pingelises olukorras, on juhtkonnal eelis, kui otsustamisest võtab osa ka mõni naine (lk 214). Sest naised on pingeolukorras paremad otsustajad, kui mehed. Kuna andmetel põhinev otsus on enamasti parim ja naised tuginevad rohkem andmetele, siis on naiste otsused ka pingeolukordades paremad. Väga pingelises olukorras riskivad mehed rohkem, see aga toob kaasa halvemaid otsuseid. Nimelt tõukab kortisool mehi ja naisi erinevates suundades, mistõttu naistel on kergem käia rahulikku ja kindlat rada ka siis, kui on tugev stressiolukord.
Siin raamatus on ka soovitusi ja nippe naistele, kui nad tahavad, et nende arvamusega rohkem arvestataks. Ma pole päris kindel, kas tahaksin hakata teadlikult nii käituma, et enda sõna rohkem maksma panna. Tunnen suurt vastumeelsust igasuguse teeskluse vastu, lisaks pole ma ka eriline karjäärihai – pole iial tahtnud kellestki mööda trampides oma karjääri edendada. Pigem eelistan rahulikku ja mõistlikku koostööd ja võimalikult stressivaba elu. Küsimus on lihtsalt selles, kas maskuliinses kollektiivis nii üldse ellu jääb.
November 9, 2016
Really great Malcolm Gladwell-type book detailing research on gender issues.
November 7, 2019
This was a very interesting book, not just about how women's minds work, but about the science behind how all our minds make decisions.
My notes to self:
-When facing a stressful decision, force yourself to come up with at least 2 more options than the first one that comes to mind in order to avoid being forced into believing "desperate times call for desperate measures" is the only strategy.
-Remember, if you pay a lot for advice, you'll be way more likely to take it, even if you know it's bad.
-Older people tend to forget the negative aspects of their lives and act on a positivity basis, which can be great for their happiness, but hard on family caretakers/finances/living situations. Remember, when helping them make good decisions, ask them what they would recommend for another person in their situation and talk to them while they are engaged in a task.
-Woman are often trusted to be put in charge during a crisis when they haven't been before--putting them at a disadvantage because then they are newer to the scene AND suddenly managing a crisis. It isn't a good set up for success.
-Organizations with both women and men on their boards are something like 40% more successful than organizations with just men.
-Women have developed a coping mechanism of negotiating during stress because they can't flight or fight because they were the ones with the kiddos to protect during a crisis. You try running carrying two toddlers.
-Men, however, are more likely to act more rashly during a conflict because they still have the option or flight or fight. This can work to their/the group's advantage.
-Women who make the same risky business choices as men with negative effects are often described as "overly emotional" and seen as not trusty-worthy, while men are described as "human and able to make a mistake now and then".
-So, strategy: frame your risky choices as those that will help the herd, because a choice a woman makes while "tending and befriending" will help put her back in the trust-worthy camp.
My notes to self:
-When facing a stressful decision, force yourself to come up with at least 2 more options than the first one that comes to mind in order to avoid being forced into believing "desperate times call for desperate measures" is the only strategy.
-Remember, if you pay a lot for advice, you'll be way more likely to take it, even if you know it's bad.
-Older people tend to forget the negative aspects of their lives and act on a positivity basis, which can be great for their happiness, but hard on family caretakers/finances/living situations. Remember, when helping them make good decisions, ask them what they would recommend for another person in their situation and talk to them while they are engaged in a task.
-Woman are often trusted to be put in charge during a crisis when they haven't been before--putting them at a disadvantage because then they are newer to the scene AND suddenly managing a crisis. It isn't a good set up for success.
-Organizations with both women and men on their boards are something like 40% more successful than organizations with just men.
-Women have developed a coping mechanism of negotiating during stress because they can't flight or fight because they were the ones with the kiddos to protect during a crisis. You try running carrying two toddlers.
-Men, however, are more likely to act more rashly during a conflict because they still have the option or flight or fight. This can work to their/the group's advantage.
-Women who make the same risky business choices as men with negative effects are often described as "overly emotional" and seen as not trusty-worthy, while men are described as "human and able to make a mistake now and then".
-So, strategy: frame your risky choices as those that will help the herd, because a choice a woman makes while "tending and befriending" will help put her back in the trust-worthy camp.
May 2, 2022
One of the best books on decision making I have read to date, and definitely one of the most under-rated. The author has done a very thorough research of scientific studies on various aspects of gender differences in decision making, and in this book is intertwining these with an insightful narrative of individual examples and real life stories. She delves into a range of gender-specific biases that we face in our decision making, such as anchoring effect, role congruity bias, stereotype threat, women labelled as indecisive or risk-averse, unconfident and emotional under stress. Unlike many other books on decision making that I read, in this book the author develops a toolkit of various strategies that could be adopted to mitigate the impact of these biases and help you become a more effective decision maker yourself or help others. Each chapter is followed with a concise summary of key takeaways, which makes it handy to revisit the concepts quite quickly when needed in future. And at the end of the book, the author also provided a useful list of further recommended reading.
The book is factual and scientific, at the same time easy to read, fascinating, and the author does not repeat herself / concepts - so, well structured and 100% worth your time. Highly recommend.
The book is factual and scientific, at the same time easy to read, fascinating, and the author does not repeat herself / concepts - so, well structured and 100% worth your time. Highly recommend.
October 29, 2022
Because my schedule is packed, I read the bullet points at the back of each chapter and would then refer to items of interest mentioned in the bullet points.
This book appealed to me because I've seen confident but incompetent men and women in the workplace attain positions of power and income, yet they didn't have the skills needed to do the job competently. It was and is frustrating to watch.
This book is good. It's not a quick read, and it's not necessarily a quick read, but the information in it is helpful. I am thinking of buying it.
That led me to this book. This book confirms a lot of what I have come to believe, and it's also helpful. While it's not a quick read or an easy read, it's got good information in it.
This book appealed to me because I've seen confident but incompetent men and women in the workplace attain positions of power and income, yet they didn't have the skills needed to do the job competently. It was and is frustrating to watch.
This book is good. It's not a quick read, and it's not necessarily a quick read, but the information in it is helpful. I am thinking of buying it.
That led me to this book. This book confirms a lot of what I have come to believe, and it's also helpful. While it's not a quick read or an easy read, it's got good information in it.
September 29, 2017
One of my problems with non-fiction is that some of them are super boring, they are not able to keep my attention for long enough. However, this one was very interesting . The way the author was able to provide researched data and helpful examples that made me want to continue reading and learn more about the information she was explaining. Also, I really enjoyed that, even though the title suggests that is book is only for women, this book was able to provide example on the difference between men and women which makes the book for everyone. I really enjoyed this book and fully recommend to those interested in learning about the decision-making process.
May 15, 2018
This isn't just another girl power pick-me-up book. Nor does it pander to the manly men's business world as norm and say "play by their rules if you want to win their game".
This book contains solid science, real strategies, and a healthy dose of optimism. I really surprised myself by enjoying it, taking notes, and recommending it. Most of us can use help making important decisions -- I do!
This book's great for women but will also be interesting for male managers who want to improve their businesses and/or learn more about the misconceptions about differences between genders in the business world.
This book contains solid science, real strategies, and a healthy dose of optimism. I really surprised myself by enjoying it, taking notes, and recommending it. Most of us can use help making important decisions -- I do!
This book's great for women but will also be interesting for male managers who want to improve their businesses and/or learn more about the misconceptions about differences between genders in the business world.
May 7, 2025
This is a different book than I thought it would be, but that's not a problem. The topics are carefully researched and presented. I like the summaries at the end of each chapter. Most of the examples given are helpful, but I didn't agree with all of the conclusions made by the author. The book is about gender differences first and decision making second. I think I would have preferred a book where the the order is reversed: first, decision-making strategies and pitfalls that everybody experiences; second; how gender differences might be at play. This book has a strong business focus and not much discussion about family life and its different effects on decision-making for men verses women.
March 26, 2017
Interesting examples that are chosen to make it easy to recognize myself linked with data, research projects and compelling insights have made this a useful read.
Some of the points to take away -- we still live in a work environment dominated by masculine preferences; if women want to be successful without the constant doubt and stereotype threat, we need to change the physical work environment. Do pre-mortems to think through major decisions. Support each other when we take risks, even and especially when we fail.
Some of the points to take away -- we still live in a work environment dominated by masculine preferences; if women want to be successful without the constant doubt and stereotype threat, we need to change the physical work environment. Do pre-mortems to think through major decisions. Support each other when we take risks, even and especially when we fail.
July 9, 2024
This book addresses the misconception of women not using their rationales when making decisions. Common belief is that women tend to use their feelings in making decisions and men use their logic; that is what makes men occupy higher level positions because they believe their decision-making is based on logical background. In fact, women take longer to analyse prior to making a decision; they incorporate every aspect of the situation, making them able to come up with informed decisions. They take a longer time to discuss, analyse, and gather data prior to making a decision.
June 6, 2017
Important and informative book. Huston speaks directly to women and men about decision making, leadership, and unfolding careers. I have way too often been the only woman on a committee and felt the double binds women are entangled in from stereotype threat and traditionally male ways of knowing and acting, which results in lowered self-confidence and cognitive overload. I wish I had had a guide like this 30 years ago, but I'm glad it's available now.
November 27, 2017
Well articulated arguments of gender discrimination that occur in society, focusing on the unconscious judgments and decisions made by individuals. Taking from the principles talked in detail in Thinking Fast and Slow, as well as other modern psychological, Therese applies them to how women make decisions and how they are viewed for those decisions.
December 26, 2020
Highly recommended for working women (wait, that’s all of us). Relatable examples and validating studies on why women are sooo indecisive (we’re actually not), and how nature vs. nurture effects us on a daily basis. You must get through the depressing bits in order to find out how our physiology and psychology is a benefit and can be used to advance women’s careers.
April 27, 2018
I translated this book into Chinese last year. Like all books I have translated, I have mixed feelings toward it and cannot possible give it a fair enough critique. Therefore, I’ll refrain from doing that.
August 14, 2021
I liked this book a lot. If you are interested in research-based books on gendered differences in decision making, and among others want to know what are the myths about how women make decisions, this book is for you. Accessibly written
January 31, 2025
Going to buy a copy
I checked it out from the library, researching to develop a class called “decision making” for work. Wow, revelation after revelation! The summary and tips at the end of each chapter are especially helpful.
I checked it out from the library, researching to develop a class called “decision making” for work. Wow, revelation after revelation! The summary and tips at the end of each chapter are especially helpful.
October 15, 2017
Interesting book, has strategies to not only help you decide but to keep your from questioning your decisions in the future.
March 13, 2018
I learned some interesting tidbits which I think will not only help me but also help how I relate to other women in the workplace. I definitely plan to start keeping a 1 sentence journal.
July 9, 2018
Lugesin eestikeelset "Kuidas naised otsustavad" Äripäeva Kirjastuselt.
Tasus lugeda.
Tasus lugeda.
August 7, 2018
Solid insight as an introduction to psychology in sexes. Would recommend.
September 13, 2018
This had so much unusual and helpful information! What a fascinating subject.
November 14, 2018
This is an excellent book... with many examples and studies.
March 25, 2019
EVERY WOMAN should read this book! Content is supported by research but written in an accessible style. Each chapter ends with practical applications. Can't stop talking about this one.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 63 reviews