Swan

by Naomi Campbell

Swan is the world's most successful supermodel. But she doesn't want to live this life forever--even if it means kissing goodbye a cosmetics contract worth millions. There are a thousand girls who'd do anything to get the job, but only five have what it takes. While they all know what they want and how to get it, it's a bumpy ride--and someone is trying to make it a whole lot rougher.

Genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Contemporary, Romance, Mystery, Celebrity, Crime

407 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Naomi Campbell is a British supermodel.

Reviews

[Manny · Rating 1 out of 5]

I only got about two chapters into this book, but I've apparently read more of it than Ms Campbell, so I think I have every right to review it. For people who haven't already heard the story: Naomi Campbell, the iconic supermodel with the anger management problem, decided that it would be cool to be a published author. So she, or more likely her agent, contacted a ghost-writer, who duly produced this piece of crap.

At her first press conference held after publication, journalists asked for comments on the book. It was immediately clear that she hadn't read it. What was truly incredible was that the publisher, anticipating that there might be a problem, had asked the ghost-writer to send her a two page precis. She hadn't even got around to reading that! Though I must grudgingly admire her honesty in coming clean. She does appear to have a sense of humor.

The book is pure, unadulterated nonsense, and is predicated on the assumption that no woman, given the chance, could imagine any higher happiness than to become a supermodel. I don't mind suspending disbelief, and I'm not a militant feminist or anything, but this was too much for me. I started to feel almost physically ill, and stopped reading.

[Matteo Fumagalli · Rating 1 out of 5]

Videorecensione: https://youtu.be/Q_et2H_doVw

[Anthi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've actually read this when I was 17 and remember finding it enjoyable, it's not a literary masterpiece, by no stretch of the imagination but still better than what I expected by someone like Naomi Campbell. I found the way she described the world of High Fashion and models realistic, considering that this book was written in the 90's when top models were viewed as the superstars of that era and almost every young girl wanted to look like them or be like them. Campbell peels away the glamorous veneer and shows us how competitive, tough, amoral and even dangerous this world can be and that you need to grow a thick skin in order to survive in this buisness.
It has an interesting murder-mystery at its core, a kind of cheesy but still sexy romance, a heroine that I expected to be too full of herself, considering she was the world's most famous model (ok insert eye-roll here, but remember this is Naomi we're talking about) but she was instead kind of endearing and four secondary characters, four girls with totally different backgrounds and personalities and appearance that try to make a career as models, whose stories are being unfold parallel to the main heroine's story and are quite interesting, funny and dark at some point and present an illuminating and interesting picture of fashion industry.
I would definitely recommend it for a light reading on the beach.

[Johnny Hazelnut · Rating 1 out of 5]

Is a novel allegedly written by the short-tempered egotist "supermodel" Naomi Campbell but actually written, according to the copyright forms, by a person called Caroline Upcher.

Well, I say it's a novel, but it's more like a 400-page tome in which things happen with no coherence or plot. Usually at random. I was recommended it because I was talking to a clerk at a barrister's chambers who I instruct a lot at a recent schmooze up there and she said that if I like reading horrible books, this is a good place to go.

So. I went onto Amazon and for the princely sum of £2.24 I obtained this and Harry Turtledove's "Krispos Rising," which I won't review here because it's enjoyable. I then proceeded to read it and, well, this happened.

Executive Summary

400 pages of bawwwwing about people Naomi doesn't like.

A bit more detail, if you wouldn't mind, please?

Let's start at the very front. The cover of my edition has the endorsement, "The ultimate insider's guide to what is hot with the supermodel sisterhood" on it, from The Times. This does not bode well, as such a novel could consist entirely of the words "cocaine," "egotism," and "eating disorders." But I press on. The plot, such as there is, is something like this. Swan, real name Lavinia Crichton Lake, nicknamed "Swan" for her long neck (and yes, she is actually called Swan Lake in the novel. Yes. Oh yes. Kill me now.) finds herself being blackmailed by someone with an indeterminable accent who leaves phone messages and blue envelopes containing things. We don't see what things these are.

But wait! Just as you think that Caroline Upcher (more like Upchuck given the quality of the writing) might have a plot that could possibly inspire in one's veins that heat and motion to make you keep turning the pages, the focus jumps to a quintet of five young girls from various places who all end up, after various travails, being signed by Etoile Model Management (a rival who was poaching from Campbell's own agency Elite Model Management, and is way better, and definitely not a petty snipe at her former agency who chucked her out on her ear in 1990 for being an insufferable douchetruck) to be the new face of Swan Cosmetics. Or something like that. The five gals are Celestia, a sloaney who followed her mother into it and then went all slutting it up, Gigi, an illegal Cuban immigrant to the US and all round sex rocket and party animal, Amy La Mar, a token inner-city black gal, Tess, who's someone else entirely, and someone else who I've kinda forgot. Does it really matter? Honestly?

Okay, so you're now thinking these plots might kinda back into each other in a masterful piece of elegance, no? No. The focus then jumps again to telling us all about the various ancillary characters in this charade. One of whom, in another piece of sublime Naomi Campbell-worthy bitchiness, is a tabloid journalist who is shown as getting her jollies from drenching up dirt on models because, surprise surprise, she tried to be a model herself but was too fat and ugly. Which is why she writes pieces attacking the fashion industry for promoting anorexia and suchlike, of course. Because she's just jealous. Of course.

In fact, sniping at people Naomi Campbell doesn't like keeps cropping up within this novel. At the fashion show where token black gal Amy La Mar (I labour the fact she's the token black gal because the novel does) is discovered, she wins because a person invades the stage and gives the attendees a lecture about how they're all institutionally racist. Who then declare Amy the winner. This person is not seen before or since.

The plot gets a bit fuzzy at this point, or maybe it's the fact that I had started to chug-a-lug at a bottle of Ricard to gather the bravery to continue with this dreck. But basically, the narrative chops back and forth so you can't possibly follow what's going on, there is no connection whatsoever between all these happenings. I have a recollection of a character called Water Detroit at this point. Yes. Water Detroit. Seriously. Fhat the wuck. This is almost as woundrously bad as Tookie de la Creme. This combined with Swan Lake (ka-snarf) makes me wonder if this wasn't a stealth parody.

The prose is also prone to unintentional humorousness. For instance. In the scene where The Hon. Celestia, the model candidate with the "toff" hat, is doing a shoot with piercings semi-nude in a run down laundrette. This scene involves this line:

"There was an intended air of seediness but Celestia herself came across on the page as an unmistakeably classy piece of ass."

There's also some truly hopelessly bad sex scenes, which you can look up for yourself if you want, and a bit where Cassie and Gigi have a catfight in a club. Which lasts for half a page and I only remembered it when flicking through the novel just now to mine for choice quotes. Yes. This novel manages to make a clothes-ripping brawl between the finest specimens of international womanhood totally unmemorable.

Oh, but you want to hear about the sex scenes, do you? Well now. Here's a wee quote from one of them.

"Then he took my face between his hands and stared at me for an eternity before lowering his head and raining kisses all over me. As he moved about above me I caught glimpses of his massive erection waiting to perform."

Talk about Ikea Erotica.

Anyhow. So this goes barrelling on for a while without anything really happening then it turns out that the big secret is this bloke called Guy Murray who nobody's ever mentioned ever before has been running a secret illicit film studio where he generates snuff films. Fhat the wuck. This is only really discovered when the aforementioned journalist Lindy Jane Johnson, you know, the one who's too fat and ugly to be a model and is just jealous, is almost murdered in said film or something. This is portrayed by all other characters as karma being a right bitch. Yeah. Because upsetting supermodels and being mean to them really deserves being killed by a sadistic maniac, doesn't it. Jesus fucking wept.

The novel then ends. There is a quick bit where the results of which of the new gals gets the lucrative contract but this is thrown in as an afterthought. Who's blackmailing Swan and why is never revealed. Neither is anything else, really. So the novel turns out to be a complete waste of time. Much like the fashion industry, really. There's a reason it went out of print. In fact, let's be honest, it was only published to have Naomi Campbell's name on it, and probably because she screamed at her agent, threw something at him, and called him racist until he relented.

So if you haven't read any of the above, this novel blows goats. Also, Naomi Campbell is an unlikeable, petty-minded, vindictive little cuntlet. Even though she didn't write this book her hand is all over it in its pettiness and small-minded stupidity. Scorn it.

(originally written for Everything2.com)

[Annie Zole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes I read a book written by Naomi Campbell, it wasn't horrible.

[St. Gerard Expectant Mothers · Rating 1 out of 5]

Now I have to write this fast because a certain supermodel with a name that rhymes with Die-omi Stambell is stalking me for ripping apart this piece of trash from the 90's. Yes, the very same model who sounds like Nairobi is wanting to stab me with her stiletto heel. You see this utter poor excuse for a guilty pleasure, which is not even a good guilty pleasure, hired some ghostwriter to put together a book about the world of modeling and fashion and make it a coherent plotline that certainly could win any literary award. To that I say, "BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"



I ordered the infamous Swan book for a penny online and it came nicely wrapped in brown packaging paper in an amazing, good hardcover edition. Apparently even the previous owner took one glance at this drivel, closed the book, and kept in absolute pristine condition by not opening it again. (Good call.) The moment I opened Pandora's box, I already unleashed all the forces of evil and the dark underbelly of Hade's underlings, not to mention the wrath of Karl Lagerfeld, and gazed upon the evil that is the Swan!



Swan follows the title character Swan (pretty much Naomi Campbell if she was pretending to not be a psychotic diva bitch) as she retires from modeling to allow a group of new girls to take her place. With names like Celestia, Gigi, and Cassie, each one comes from different backgrounds and are competing for the cosmetics contract and to be the new "swan" face, each of their stories get told as the reader juggles all the sappy sad stories, their personal issues, and stupid soap opera storylines that only be lifted from a Young and the Restless television script.



Now this books was written way before social media but apparently one book reviewer remarked that Campbell must be psychic because she spouts names of her supermodel and designer friends and once again uses the new "face" idea a decade later when she produces her own reality competition show called The Face a decade later. See, she really is psychic!



Toss in a subplot involving criminal activities, a model assassination attempt, and insane unrealistic situations and you have the makings of a good Jackie Collins novel. The only exception is that the late Jackie made her trash fun. Swan is just so boring and confusing that even the ghostwriter embarrasses him/herself with this garbage and would do much better writing porno scripts. It's so idiotic that even Gianni Versace would be turning over in his grave.

Alas, Swan is such a narcissistic project that Naomi Campbell (oops I revealed her name) in her arrogance should rightfully be embarrassed by it! To that I say...holy shit! She's coming at me with her cellphone! She's going to bludgeon me with it! Call 911!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

[harriyanna hasanati hook · Rating 1 out of 5]

currently reading and omg its ASS.

update. finished it and i am not even trying to be funny when i say this but this is the worst book i read all year.

i legit don't know where to begin and i am in the process of making a video about this on my channel. but there is just so many thing things WRONG with this book, from the confusing point of view, scenes thrown in here for shock value, so much of nothing happening, the constant change of location, the story going back and forth between first and third person story telling, racist mess, homophobic mess, some transphobic mess, misogynistic mess, and dull and annoying characters.

i wasn't a fan of its writing style because it was giving middle grade in terms of the simplicit sentences, but it was clearly for an adult audience because of the subject matter and the explicit language. this book wrote the models to be dizty and i am over people having this notion that models (and women in the public eye because of their looks) are stupid.

also! naomi campbell didn't even write this! the ghost writer was a white women and it showed because of the way the book talks about and handles blackness. she constantly put emphasis on the characters of color's backgrounds, used a biracial slur, and pulled from tired offensive tropes to write them. overall, the ghost writer did not see poc outside of their race.

i try to keep my opinions on celebrities to a minimum because i do not know these people but fuck.....naomi campbell legit did not care about this book. she didn't even read it so i doubt she is even aware of how ass it is. at the end of the day her fans bought it because her name was slapped on it and she made her bag from this trash.

i try to give some grace when i read books i do not like but this one was a hard NO. i can see why it's not in print anymore. don't waste your time reading on the archive.

[Ozma · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved reading this model mystery book. I felt that I was getting an insider's view of the modeling world. In addition, because Campbell uses some real life characters in her book, I felt like I was getting a real authentic (albeit souped up) peek at the modeling world. I love models and reading about them so this book was totally up my alley. I believe I had an old British edition (purchased on Amazon marketplace), and I must say the book itself was a thing of beauty (just as the models are) -- nice, crisp pages of good thickness and creamy color, strong black ink. I loved reading a good book from the days when people made books substantial. I enjoyed all the characters that reflected real-life models. The mystery itself was very strong but had a rather rushed and somewhat incredulous ending. But I still enjoyed it. I hope Naomi will write more novels. She is a very talented writer (or at least knows how to hire an excellent ghost-writer and/or did a good job briefing that ghost-writer). I found the writing enjoyable and the story smart and fun. This novel is better and more entertaining than a lot of similar novels out there in this and similar genres. I have new respect for Campbell for putting out such a fun and entertaining read. She even calls out Trump, and, considering this book was written years ago, she was quite prescient.

[Corinne · Rating 2 out of 5]

As the world's number one advocate for Modelland by Tyra Banks, I do wish to add some context to this review. I like reading books that are not good because they are not good.

Imagine SNL's Stefan saying, "this book has everything... models, black mail, murder, affairs, secret elite British college clubs where the ring leader is actually running a brothel that makes snuff films." Except while you're reading it also feeling actual pangs of pain at how poorly formulated it is.

[Jacqueline Clay · Rating 5 out of 5]

this great work really influenced my teen years

[Sharyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not too bad actually

[CKE387 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Many of the characters are speaking in the first person - hard to keep track of who's talking since many have the same personality. Cookie-cutter model types - the shy one, the exotic one (i.e. minority), the sure thing (blonde with blue eyes) and the black one and their adventures in modeling (photo shoots, sleazy come-ons, stalkers, travel, contracts, good girl vs bad girl, etc.). During the editing it seems like she forgot how she described some characters early on - one character seems to go from white to black, another goes from straight red hair to thick curly dark hair and so on. As for the storyline the loose ends tie up way too neatly - seemed kinda rushed. But it does make the point - just because a person is beautiful, don't treat them like an object or think they're dumb.

[Jayne Shelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book as a teenager and quite enjoyed it. I then stupidly lent it to a friend and haven't seen it in over 20 years. Just was a Marie Claire article about Naomi turning 50 and I remembered this great little read from high school. Thought I'd plug it into Good Reads. I'd love to get my hands on a real copy again!
Sorry not an overly informative review cause all I remember is that I really liked reading it!

[Tuorlino Degli Albumi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Naomi Campbell è una queen assoluta.
Il libro non è abbastanza couture, però. Si vede che è scritto da un ghostwriter abituato a comprare ai grandi magazzini.
Ha fatto bene Naomi a non leggerlo nemmeno e a far finta che non sia mai esistito.

[Kylie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was always confused as to if this was written by Naomi. Despite that I read this in my late teens early twenties and remember enjoying the book. No one I obsessively reread. But it deserves its 3 stars because I liked the basic plot

[Jules · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice read but the story was very drawn out and then rushed to conclude at the end. More of a telling of young models lives than a story line.

[Anto Carovana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quiero casamiento a escondidas después de leerlo. jajajaj Una maravilla. Me dio pánico el tipo perseguidor!

[Becca Younk · Rating 2 out of 5]

Terrible, but hilarious, full of plot holes, yet endlessly entertaining.

[Jamia Williams · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was boring. I don't know why I thought it was gonna over the top and drama

[Karschtl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Swan ist 26 Jahre alt und ein gefragtes Top-Model. Allerdings will sie auch künftig kürzer treten mit ihrer Model-Karriere, und so macht sich die Branche auf die Suche nach einem neuen "Swan"-Mädchen. Fünf Mädels sind in die Endauswahl gekommen: die aufmüpfige kubanische Latina Gigi, Tess mit schönem roten Haar aber zu wenig Selbstbewußtsein, Amy, der wegen ihrer schwarzen Hautfarbe nur geringe Siegeschances eingeräumt werden, die adlige Celestina die eher von ihrer Mutter zum modeln gedrängt wurde und Cassie aus Kalifornien, die eigentlich nur auf der Suche nach ihrem Traumtypen ist, dem sie einst am Strand begegnete.

Überraschenderweise doch gar nicht so schlecht wie ich gedacht hatte. Höchstwahrscheinlich, weil Naomi Campbell selbst das Buch ja gar nicht geschrieben hat. Einige Dinge im Arbeitsleben von Models kannte ich durch "Germany's Next Topmodel" oder konnte sie mir zumindest gut vorstellen.
Ziemlich blöd fand ich, dass es da drin einfach zu viele Charaktere gab, von denen immer abwechselnd berichtet wurde und ich manchmal Schwierigkeiten hatte, die Namen zu den jeweiligen Lebensgeschichten und Hintergründen zuzuordnen (die anfangs vorgestellt wurden). Das war teilweise leicht verwirrend.
Die Geschichte an sich ok, die 'Kriminalgeschichte' im Grunde auch, obwohl mir da die Zufälle, wie einzelne Personen damit verquickt waren, zuviel waren. Aber ansonsten hätte man wahrscheinlich noch mehr Namen einführen müssen und ich hätte mich gar nicht mehr ausgekannt.

[PurplyCookie · Rating 2 out of 5]

In her early twenties, Swan is the world's best-known supermodel. Desiring a change, the English-born beauty decides to step down as the sole representative of the Swan beauty line, subsequently triggering a global search for a new Swan girl.

Five young models are on the short list, some shy and naive, others poised and assertive, and one bent on a course of self-destruction. There is Cassie, the All-American blonde; Celestia, an aristocratic beaty; Gigi, the spunky Cuban immigrant and Amy, the second generation Jamaican.

As Swan prepares to make some significant changes in her life, rumors about her sister's mysterious death 14 years earlier surface in a menacing manner. Readers are immersed in the internal world of modeling: the fashion designers, bookers, agencies, hair stylists, and photographers. Despite the insider perspective provided by Campbell (a famous supermodel herself), the writing is somewhat disjointed and the plot highly unrealistic. Note though that Campbell did not write this book herself -- she has admitted to having a ghostwriter.


Book Details:

Title Swan
Author Naomi Campbell
Reviewed By Purplycookie

[Phoebe Leeloolee · Rating 2 out of 5]

yeah i must confess the averageness of this book. it didn't stick in my mind or my head, i believe i read it all! glad its over and done with guys, nothing happens at all, there were so many different characters and it was confusing trying to figure out who was doing what. structure was confusing, the story itself was very uneventful; only semi interesting things at the very start and beginning.

[Annemaria · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read the first 50 pages, this is probably the first time that I've stopped reading a book. I guess it's good if you like Chick Lit infused with a little Thriller, but it's just not my thing. Too many good books out there to be reading this one - but maybe I'll read it on a plane one day.

[Nellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not quite what I expected, in a good way. This has a very compelling story line, concidering it is the realm of fashion models. There is a current of murder and mystery which I didn't expect. Worth the time.

[Harriet · Rating 1 out of 5]

this is the worst book i ever touched.

i only read it because i bought it for a birthday joke for a mate.

just don't ok

[Brodiesmom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Deliciously indulgent. Period.

[Ben Storey · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's....interesting.