Coming Clean: A Story of Faith

by Seth Haines

“I suppose we're all drunk on something.”

Seth Haines was in the hospital with his wife, planning funeral songs for their not-yet two-year-old, when he made a very conscious decision: this was the last day he wanted to feel. That evening, he asked his sister to smuggle in a bottle of gin, and gave in to addiction.

But whether or not you've ever had a drop to drink in your life, we're all looking for ways to stop the pain. Like Seth, we're all seeking balms for the anxiety of what sometimes seems to be an absent, unresponsive God—whether it's through people-pleasing, shopping, the internet, food, career highs, or even good works and elite theology. We attempt to anesthetize our anxiety through addiction—any old addiction. But it often leaves us feeling even more empty than before.

In Coming Clean, Seth Haines writes a raw account of his first 90 days of sobriety, illuminating how to face the pain we'd rather avoid, and even more importantly, how an abiding God meets us in that pain. Seth shows us that true wholeness is found in facing our pain and anxieties with the tenacity and tenderness of Jesus, and only through Christ's passion can we truly come clean

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Christian, Faith, Christianity, Spirituality, Biography

224 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 27, 2015

About the author

Seth Haines is an attorney, author, and story consultant who makes his home in the Ozark mountains. His first, award-winning book, Coming Clean, is a raw account of his first ninety days of sobriety. His second book, The Book of Waking Up, is an artistic journey into the process of finding inner sobriety.

Through his writing, Seth shares how we find the Divine Love of God in a world full of pain. He and his wife Amber Haines have four boys and a dog named Lucy. You can find him at sethhaines.com, on Twitter at @sethhaines, or on instagram at @sethhaines.

If you'd like to receive Seth's bimonthly newsletter, follow this link to sign up.

Reviews

[Anne Bogel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir, which reads like a journal of Haines's first 90 days of sobriety, was absolutely fantastic. I didn't expect to resonate so powerfully with Haines's story about overcoming an addiction to drink, but as Haines writes, "we're all drunk on something." He makes the case that alcohol is just one of many ways to hide from our real lives, and that the journey to wholeness isn't easy for any of us. This poignant, beautiful book is about so much more than overcoming addiction.

[Tanya Marlow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a stunningly written, theologically rich, compellingly told memoir of a journey from alcoholism to sobriety, and from anger with God at unanswered prayer to a surrender to mystery. Seth Haines started drinking when his beautiful little boy - emaciated, weak - was seemingly dying of a mysterious chronic illness for which the doctors had no answers. The structure of the book follows his journal of the first ninety days of his sobriety - but it’s far more sophisticated than a ‘dear diary’ format - it’s beautifully structured and crafted, with story, reflection and theology interwoven together. The book is ostensibly on addiction, but actually the bulk of the book is about Seth’s inner journey to uncover the reasons behind addiction. What Seth Haines does superbly is deal with big questions of miraculous healing, what happens when prayers for healing go unanswered, and what it is like to live, suspended, in a state of chronic suffering. This is not just a book for those struggling with addiction, but for anyone who has ever struggled with unanswered prayer or a request for healing that was never answered. As someone who writes on the spirituality of suffering and lives with a chronic illness, I give this my highest recommendation - it is honest about the questions, and digs deep for - not answers, exactly, but a way through the questioning. The writing is a sheer joy to read. One of the best books I’ve read in a while - a must-read for anyone struggling with unanswered prayer or addictions of any kind.
*I received a free copy in exchange for my honest review, which this is. I then went out and bought my own copy to lend to others.*

[Shawn Smucker · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are, all of us, addicts. Coming Clean is a beautiful tale told by someone who has gone ahead of us, explored the vast terrain of inner sobriety, and can report back that it is, indeed, a good place to be.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first heard of Coming Clean by Seth Haines, I figured I wouldn't connect with the book. After all, I'm not an addict. But, as Haines says in his invitation, we are all addicted to something. This book isn't about addiction but about the human experience.

Haines is right - while his particular addiction may be alcohol, for others it's zoning out in front of a screen or food abuse or intellectualism or perfectionism. (Those last two hit closer to home for me than drugs or alcohol.) We all struggle with filling the void in our lives with things that are unhealthy and that don't address our true needs.

While Coming Clean is the personal journey of Haines' road to recovery, he touches on so much more than addiction. He guides us through our own human journey of forgiveness and expectation and how we fill our lives with so many things to avoid what God has called us to do: Love each other, including our selves.

This is a book that has already sparked discussion, has given me greater empathy for those whose lives are undone by the effects of addiction, and has me reflecting on my own need to fill my life with labels rather than resting in the identity of being forgiven.

**I received this book free from the publisher in exchange for my honest opinion.**

[Sean Strehlow · Rating 5 out of 5]

For a person who isn't familiar with Coming Clean or the author, it would be easy to wander to the Christian Living section of the store and glaze over this title as another formula for self-help. I wish I could stop everyone of those people and ask them to please reconsider their assumption, and give this book a chance. I think they would find that, in a world that offers an easy do-it-yourself formulaic fix, Coming Clean conveys a hard but simple truth that life's ailments are best met with a communal dependency that is only found in God. We live in a world that is literally configured in such a way that we never have to confront our pain. We can pass through our entire lives numb to hurts that will never heal. If you want to remain numb to life's hurts (and its joys) leave this book on the shelf. If you are willing to sit with your pain, and allow Christ to bring true healing to the depths of you, slip a copy into your basket- or environmentally friendly tote bag you bought at the front of Barnes and Noble. Seth Haines offers no formula, and no easy fix. He simply offers a story of extreme vulnerability- a story that serves as a catalyst for you to be vulnerable too. If you allow yourself to listen to Seth's story, you may find healing and freedom you never knew you needed.

[Amy McCathran · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book resonated with me in a deep way. It is the story of coming clean from an alcohol addiction, but it is also the story of wrestling with the theological ramifications of having a chronically ill child and struggling with knowing how to pray and if God even is listening. I have a son that has had multiple heart surgeries and will never be "cured." I understood the picture Seth paints of struggling with the notion that your child may never be "healed," and if he is "healed," why him and not another child who is not healed? The book grapples with these hard questions in a beautiful, poetic way that speaks straight to the soul. He lays out his journey to sobriety throughout but he could just as easily be on a road dealing with any number of addictions. It is honey for a weary seeker.

[Lori Mcfarlane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being an atheist, one might thing I'm here to trash this book.

I'm not. I thought this book was moving, insightful, real, and inspiring. I applaud Haines' journey, and I applaud his resolution. I truly mean that. I loved this book; I loved his writing style, his beautiful imagery, his perfect rendering of the ache of the faith crisis. His denoument is beautiful and enlightening.

(My full review can be found here: http://www.scottandlori.com/2015/11/c.... It isn't quite right Goodreads-y enough to copy the entire review here.)

[Leslie Maughan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written. Some very thought-provoking subject matter. This is really less about alcohol than it is about a crisis of faith. The author journals through his first 90 days of sobriety and has to come to terms with other moments in his life where he’s been robbed of, or lost, his childlike faith in an abiding God who works in people’s lives. The insights on forgiveness are very powerful. If you read this book, set aside expectations and just allow it to be what it is.

[Cara Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's a reason I read this book in three days: I could not put it down. Such a powerful account, narrative arc or not, of truth and addictions.

[Tatiana Putra · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have read about addiction and how the journey to sobriety involves spending time shining light “into the cave” of hurts we so desperately try to avoid and how that leads a good ole southern boy to untangle his faith from the parts that wounded him (so a bit of “deconstruction” tied in). This book was one I had to take my time on because it brought up a lot within my own heart that I had to process. I read pages to my husband because someone finally put the words to a lot of what I felt internally. This felt like a journey of a book but his writing was beautiful so that helped.

[Rachel McMillan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mindblowingly written. Intimate and poetic and raw. And worth the hype and buzz.

[Mandi Ehman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had the words to convince you to read this book. It may just be my favorite read of 2015. I don't know Seth Haines personally, and I've found myself slightly cynical about bloggers-turned-authors recently, but this book? SO GOOD. On the surface, it's the story of Seth's journey to sobriety, but it's so much more. If you've ever doubted the existence, presence or interest of God...if you've wrestled with your faith and prayers unanswered...if you've sought religious rules and systems to simplify your beliefs...you need to read this. It's a beautiful, vulnerable, authentic story of faith and doubt and pain and prayer. And yes, sobriety too. SO GOOD!

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book more than I expected. It is a journal of a man's first 90 days of sobriety after discovering he has an alcohol problem. But it's so much more than that. I really appreciated Seth Haines's beautiful writing style, and I could relate to his background of growing up in the church and now being a moderate 30-something's struggling to apply his faith to challenges in his own life. He writes so honestly and humbly about his own journey to deal with his pain (instead of ignoring or numbing it through alcohol) and from there to forgive those who hurt him.

I have never struggled with alcohol abuse, but I have definitely struggled with denying my pain because I don't have the guts to face it head-on and to forgive those who caused it. I saw my own journey of grieving and forgiving reflected in Seth's journey (except it has taken me years and I felt like he made a lot of progress in 90 days!).

Some of my favorite quotes:

"The liquor keeps me from dealing with the pain I have hidden in the cave of my soul. The liquor makes me a coward, keeps me from hearing the voices in the darker place of the soul-cave. The liquor-hiding isolates me from the community of faith that helps hold me up. This is the way of any addiction, isn't it?"

"I consider my appetite for liquor and realize my overdrinking is not the area of my nonconformity. Instead, it's my inability to accept that God's plan might be opposed to my own human will, my desire for immediate healing. And the mismatch between my will and God's gives rise to the anxiety, to the pain."

"Forgiveness must be a process.... I am learning forgiveness is not often a single, shining event but a continual repetitive act. A letting go, followed by another, and another. And I must learn to keep at it."

"As Buddy Wakefield, spoken-word poet, says, 'Forgiveness is releasing all hope for a better past.' At the same time, though, forgiveness is the manner of preparing oneself to forgive all future debts, of releasing all expectation of a pain-free future."

I expected this to be a book abou alcoholism. I did not expect it to be a book about forgiveness--but it may be the most helpful book about forgiveness I've ever read.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed this book in ways I did not anticipate when I picked it up. One of the reasons I read is to find new friends for the journey, and Seth Haines is officially part of my tribe. This isn’t really a story about alcoholism or sobriety— it’s a story about faith and doubt, about making sense of a God who chooses not to heal you or someone you love, about the anguish of living in mystery when you are mentally wired for systems and logic and explanations and rationalism. It’s about the wounds of childhood, about experiencing the punishing words of other people’s overly simplistic faith, about learning forgiveness for people and situations that stretch back years but continue to haunt you. We’re all drunk on something— that is what this book is really about. Each “chapter” is a journal entry from Seth during his first 90 days of sobriety. His writing is beautiful; he is articulate about complex thoughts, experiences, and griefs. Never is this book didactic, overtly instructive, shaming, wallowing or even remotely self-help-ish. Seth is a man in the middle of living a story and he simply invites us to walk with him.

[Crystalyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book took me on an unexpected journey. Recommended by a friend, I thought I’d give it a go as I have dear people in my life who struggle with addictions. The first 40 pages were boring. Around page 8o I was intrigued. And then I became enthralled. The authors audacity to question God is such a raw a vulnerable way resonated deeply. “Yes! I’ve wondered that same thing!”

This book really is a book about forgiveness. I underlined so much in the second half, that is much go on my “reference” shelf, for when I’m struggling with forgiveness. It’s been awhile since I’ve read a book that makes me cry as I reflect on my own inner dialogue.

“Remember.
I told you this isn’t a clean story. It does not move through conflict to perfect and complete resolution. Instead, it moves to a simpler end: God is mystery. His Spirit speaks to babes and children, and if we let it, it will speak to us still. It will first speak, ‘Forgive,’ and then, who knows? The Spirit is like a wind, you know.” Page 217.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book encouraged my faith in a deep and meaningful way. The author delves into hard questions such as: "How do we move towards God in the wake of pain and hardship?" It lays out potential road blocks to faith and explores the important roles of community, prayer, and forgiveness. Haines highlights all of these themes in a journal format while detailing his personal journey out of alcohol addiction. The broader concept of numbing pain instead of facing it can be universally applied. The honesty and scriptural insights shared in this book set it apart for me. A parting quote: "To ask for relief from God-this is human. To pray through the pain, to live in it instead of numbing yourself to it, to subjugate your will to the will of God, even in the face of potential suffering, this is what it means to be like Jesus. This is what it means to yield to the mystery." -Seth Haines

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd give Seth Haines six stars for this honest, soul-searching, melodic memoir if possible. He poked and prodded deep questions of the soul that often would rather stay unchallenged...questions of faith and healing and forgiveness. His lessons were mine, too, as a heartsick parent. We learn to embrace the mystery and know we are loved.

[Ryan Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written book tackling addictions, church hurt, temptation, unbelief, sickness and forgiveness in a deeply personal way. January is just halfway over and I can already tell this will be one of my favorite books of the year.

[Colleen Bruton · Rating 5 out of 5]

this. book. following seth’s journey of sobriety in this way was fascinating, reading the haze of alcoholism being lifted through his writing day by day. it made me uncomfortable, it was needed.

[Embo Tshimanga · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've always been in love with stories since I read my first Magic Tree House book and this is why: Feelings are universal. Stories are universal. When they combine, you get a tangible sense of hope. You read someone's story and identify with why they are the way they are or who they are and there's something beautiful in knowing that you aren't alone in your doubt, confusion, or faith. Seth Haines does just that. Writing the bare honest raw truth while walking through the first ninety days of sobriety, Haines invites you into his heart- the whole and the broken, the dark crevices and all. No matter where you are in life, no matter where you've been, no matter where you're going-- this isn't a book for an ex-alcoholic because let's face it, we're all addicted to something. Seth takes you through his journey of dying to self-- how to come clean with not only yourself, but your community, and more importantly, God. We're all searching for something to dull the pain we're so desperately trying to ignore. He answers the same question God asked Adam and Eve in Genesis 3:9, "Where are you?" in every chapter and it's made me think that that very question God asked Adam and Eve in the garden is one he asks us to answer daily-- God knew the answer then when he asked and He knows the answer now when He asks me. If me, a seventeen year old foster kid can see bits and pieces of herself in Seth's story, you can too. I cannot recommend it enough-- this story, Seth's story, God's story, is impeccable. Such a thought provoking, heartfelt read. Coming Clean is like coming home — safety, a breath so deep the world is taken off your shoulders, the place where you can be messy and live in it. Coming Clean is walking into Jesus' arms— feeling loved and secure...and home. This book has wrecked me in the best possible way.

[Jeanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The liquor hiding isolates me from the community of faith that helps hold me up. This is the way of any addiction, isn’t it? Aren’t all of our vices just a convenient distraction from the voice of God speaking to the inner person, from his community that speaks too?...If you deal with your pain, you won’t need the numbness.

Seth Haines battle with addiction is our battle as well. We may have a different way to ease the numbness. It is a spiritual battle. There may not be broken limbs, but there are broken hearts, blood may not be spilled, but there is a pouring of anxiety that can be overwhelming.

Each day you are brought into Seth’s walk as he faces and embraces his pain that stems from his own health and the health of his son. Questions of why and how long are usually answered by Seth’s addiction. Along with his therapist, he begins to uncover the God that never leaves and will never forsake. He begins to embrace the mercy of God on a sinner.

I was totally engaged with Seth’s journey and I am thrilled that he is taking others with him. It is a journey of faith, a fight for belief, and to embrace the mystery of God in our pain and suffering.

A Special Thank You to Zondervan and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

[Trinity Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

Coming Clean is a true journaling of a man who was addicted to alcohol. The book is his first 90 days of sobriety. His drinking started when their young son isn’t thriving and Seth believes he will die. He can’t face up to the pain so he hides behind the drink. The first part of his sobriety is quiet sad and he has a very hard time, but with God and facing his past he finds the help he needs.
This book isn’t full of happiness and joy, but a journey that will keep you reading to find out whaat answers Seth finally comes to.
Seth tells us that there are many ways to hide and not face the truth. Some ways may be an addiction to food, cutting or to your body. Each addiction needs for us to draw closer to God and put Him first.
Coming Clean is a very good book full of truth and insights. You are never totally alone. God is always there. Another book to recommend.


I received my free copy from Net Galley for my review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255

[Janna Barber · Rating 4 out of 5]

Christian books are often known for self-help formulas and various recipes for success, but this book is a personal account of one man's journey toward sobriety. Seth Haines did not write a how-to book, he just told his own story of how he finally began doing the next right thing. From the beginning, Seth's honest and straightforward voice convinces us that his story is one that we all need to hear. "This is not a clean story," he says. "This is a story of coming clean." Whether you think of yourself as an addict or just someone who wants to look soberly at his own heart and life, this book is worth your time and money. With clear, confident prose and beautiful, haunting imagery, Seth tells us about the God he met as child in the mesquite trees of Texas, and the adult struggles he faced in the Arkansas Ozarks, which led him to seek Jesus once again. Seth lays his heart bare in this journal and the result is encouragement for every reader. His journey into the heart never shies away from the gritty truth, yet manages to leave its readers with hard won hope.

[Amy Kannel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will be the memoir to beat on my reading list this year. I loved it so much I'm considering buying a print copy even though I already own it for Kindle (Kindle editions are so annoying to flip through, and I highlighted a million lines/passages).

I will say that although his struggle/diagnosis of heart issues resonated so very deeply with me, his resolution with its emphasis on childhood wounds and forgiveness did not. Which meant the book sort of went like this: "Yes. Yes. Yes. YES. Oh my word this is me he's writing about. Yep. Uh-huh. Hmm. Well, that isn't my experience/struggle at all...so what IS my problem? What do I do with this?" So, the last section/conclusion wasn't quite as satisfying for me as the first 4/5 of the book. But on the whole, I seriously loved it. Recommend for sure.

[Michelle Hart · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is written in journal style. Normally, for me, that's a bit off-putting, but in this book it works. We walk with the author through his first 90 days of sobriety as he works through what brought him to this point and discovers what will take him forward.

"We're all alone together, no matter what shiny face we might be wearing. We are all just people trying to work out our first, best, and only possibility." p 28 Good point to remember.

"The bones of faith are brittle. This is a product of the human condition. When our prayers go unanswered, when God does not meet us at the point of our desires, we turn to the lowercase gods to ease the pain of living." p 157-8 Maybe your addiction isn't alcohol, but we all have something we turn to to dull our senses to what is just too big at that moment to deal with.

[Charity Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seth Haines knows how to tell a story, and in this spiritual memoir we get the very best of his tale spinning as he unpacks the beginning, middle, and ending of his alcohol addiction.

The book has much to offer to anyone struggling with addiction: it's categorized as "Christian life" and "personal growth." But don't let the topic of addiction keep you from the book. "I suppose we're all drunk on something," Seth writes, and then he goes ahead and shows us from his life all the other things besides alcohol -- like bitterness and betrayal -- that have him tied up spiritually over the years.

I know Seth and his writing, so I expected to be pretty happy with this latest project. But I had no idea how much I would value the language he uses and the lessons he learned and the long road he traveled in such a very short time. Read this book.

[tonia peckover · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a memoir about coming clean from alcoholism, but it's also a book about our addictions to self-medicating the fear, doubt, pain and grief that make up every day life. Beautifully written and unflinchingly honest, this is a book that we can all relate to. What mattered most to me is that Haines doesn't accept pat answers. He keeps digging deeper, keeps asking, keeps seeking. So often memoirs about faith and doubt stop blithely at the first bible verse that speaks and expect that somehow it is all-sufficient for the raging questions true doubters face. Not Haines. He takes the questions, sifts them, hunts for better answers, and in the end, learns to make peace with with both reality and mystery. That's a faith memoir I can read.

[Marty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seth says it best. In his closing statement, he writes:

"I told you this isn't a clean story. It does not move through conflict to perfect and complete resolutions. Instead, it moves to a simpler end: God is mystery. His Spirit speaks to babes and children, and if we let it, it'll speak to us still. It will speak first, "Forgive," and then, who knows? The Spirit us like a wind, you know."

I want to turn around and soak in these words again. This book has unlocked something so desperately needed in this generation of Christians. It has unlocked the truth that healing from all of life's hurts isn't found by uttering a canned prayer but by wading into the darkness and finding that there, at rock-bottom, Christ is found.

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not since Blue Like Jazz and Traveling Mercies have I read such an honest work of Christian nonfiction. This book really spoke to me, illuminating the doubts I seldom speak of and giving me new insights into the importance of forgiveness.

I worry that people won't pick this book up because they think it's just another "journey to sobriety" story. It's so much more than that! It's chock full of theological food for thought and rich insights into the human condition. There's something here for everyone, regardless of whether they've struggled with alcohol or substance abuse.

This book was powerful enough both to make my heart ache for the author and to change the way I think. It's that potent. I couldn't put it down. Heck, it even made me want to visit the Ozarks! Read this book!

[Mackenzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the narrative and the growth that occurred in Haines through his wrestling with his addiction. I did myself a disservice in expecting his book to be like his wife's (which I absolutely loved) and not look into the format of this one. He brings up the incredibly power of God as mystery & I'm grateful for the power of the wisdom that he shared.

I find myself months later still applying how Haines responded to his addiction in sins I experience in my own life. Do not underestimate the power Haines' story could have on your life & faith. Grateful for the courage and conviction within Haines to share his story and ultimately God's faithfulness.