Out

by J.W. Kilhey

Joe Dawson is a driven young man: hard working and eager to please his father. But Joe has a secret...perhaps he has a few. In small town like Holton, South Carolina, Joe is the biggest thing around: young, talented, destined for greatness. As the pressure builds from the outside, Joe feels close to snapping. He is not being honest with himself about who he is and what he wants. He must make a choice: be what everyone else wants him to be or strike out and be his own man.

Genres: M M Romance, Abuse, Young Adult, Sports, Football, Coming Of Age

272 pages, Paperback

First published August 4, 2012

Reviews

[Therese · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5*

Ughh, well this was a punch in the gut to say the least. The angst level was unexpectedly high for a high school “romance”…
But it was good! Really good!

Joe was intriguing, and it was a bit different to read this level of closet-ness from a jock. Usually, stories like these are told from the nerd’s POV (at least most I’ve read), and you get to see the relationship development, and the personal acceptance of the closeted jock from that side.

Here, there is only the POV of this asshole jock (I’m still a bit angry), who made me cry on several occasions because of how he treated certain people. And wow, is he in the closet!

Ok, I actually chose to interpret Joe’s awful treatment of Darren as fear of his true feelings (duh). Even if the text doesn’t spell it out, is seemed quite obvious that he had stronger feelings for Darren also in the beginning, even though he does his best to contradict it.

I feel like there could have been A BIT LESS of his “interactions” with Luke and Eli. Joe probably needed to physically and emotionally push away Darren, and what better way to do so than with two super-hot guys? Unfortunately, since there was just so much of it, and since Joe was so hot for them both, it made the ending a bit unsatisfying for me. Most time spent with Darren was so full of Joe’s self-loathing and him projecting this onto Darren, that there really was not that much time to actually see him accepting his true feelings for Darren. After screwing around with Luke and Eli, actually dating Luke, suddenly Joe realizes he loves Darren, and has done so for a long time. It would have been nice if that whole part, or the “winning Darren back” part would have been more developed!

So many of the things he did and told Luke and Eli, I of course would have wanted Joe to share with Darren instead.-(
However, I must say the last 10% did help me getting over some of the shit Joe handed out to poor Darren, although I would have liked to see him crawl in the dirt a bit longer. Darren was just too nice! But being in love with someone does that to people...

The epilogue also helped to sooth me, but again, a bit too little too late. THAT would have been great to have read as more than just “telling afterwards”…Darren wanting to "explore" other opportunities, hehe, now that I would have loved!


Joe’s father, holy shit! Now there is some ANGST! I was constantly wondering why Joe didn’t just end it by killing himself, because of the physical and mental torture his father put him through. It was so painful to read (and also took up too much of the book), that I almost stopped reading.
No wonder Joe tried so hard to convince himself he was not gay.

Eli and Luke were two quite interesting characters, with their strange relationship. Eli was almost as much of an asshole as Joe, so no wonder Luke was drawn to them both:-)…
I felt kind of sorry for Luke, he was like Darren in a way, hanging on to Eli for any crumble of affection.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this on a whim and ended up really liking it.

Joe, a gifted athlete in his senior year of High School, struggles with his sexuality. He lives with a homophobic and abusive father who is constantly pushing Joe to do better in football and other sports. The story is told from Joe's point of view and for most of the book he is not very likable. He has a band geek friend(Darren)who Joe does "gay shit" with but Joe still insist he isn't gay. That becomes increasingly difficult to deny when Joe begins lusting after two other boys....Eli and Luke.

I LOVED Darren and my heart broke for him as he put up with so much b.s. from Joe. I wasn't sure if I was buying their HEA ending, I still felt Darren forgave Joe too quickly but then I read the epilogue and that sold me on it.

While this is a romance a word of warning Joe spends most the novel hooking up with Luke including having a threesome with Luke & Eli.

Lastly the way Joe comes out was a little cheesy He comes out during his Salutatorian High School Graduation speech but by that point I had a smile on my face so I didn't care just how cheesy and over the top it was.

[Smith Barney · Rating 5 out of 5]

F'ing phenomenal. One (if not the best) raw and unfiltered young adult homojock stories I've read to date. Shiver-inducing writer!

[E]

Even though there were typos and grammatical errors sprinkled throughout this book I was able to overlook them because of the story, and what a story it was. It was a very harrowing and visceral telling of a teen's coming of age/ realization that he's gay and it kind of blew me away a little bit. It felt real, if a little over the top sexually (or I could just not be very in tune with what goes on in the world of gay teens today). It was not fluffy, nor were there hearts and flowers and I really enjoyed that about it. It also never felt overly kid-like, as some YA tends to seem.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that needs a palate cleanser from some of the mediocre pap that's been released in the genre recently. It's even free to read if you have Kindle unlimited (or the free trial, woot!). I recently paid $6.99 for a 200 page book that I completely disliked, and yet this one is free or priced at around $2.50 right now. I was really mad about that, but this book definitely made up for it.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

To everyone who knows him, Joe is living the high school dream. But it isn't his dream, though. Reading about his struggle to come to terms with who he is and what he wants makes for a very compelling read. This is at times a bit gritty and hard to read - his dad is what nightmares are made of - but stick through it until the end. It's worth it, trust me.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I wanted to kill Joe's dad and smack Joe upside the head ALOT, but this book was awesome!! The ending was so worth all of that crap that Joe put up with!

[Alex Akira · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best coming-to-awareness-that-you-are-gay story that I have read in quite a while; I absolutely adored it and will reread it again and again. Amazingly poignant, extremely funny, and yet containing elements that horrify, the book is a sizzling joyride of angst, terror and the kindness of strangers. From the opening pages the book had me laughing, wondering, and speed-reading, as I undertook the exquisite, emotion-filled odyssey into the heart of a young athlete.

Highly disciplined, Joe is an outstanding jock in his senior year of high school. When I say highly disciplined I mean the guy has a fanatical daily schedule; all things revolve around his father's dictate that he catch the eye of a scout at one of the top football colleges. The true goal: a career in the NFL. In short, Joe practices, a lot. If he isn't practicing he's exercising to make sure his practice improves. If he isn't exercising, he's studying, to make certain his SAT scores support his chance at a top college. If he isn't studying, he's working at his father's sporting goods store, where, if business is slow, his father boxes with him. In-between these activities, sometimes he is allowed a meager meal, caloric intake is strictly overseen by his father.

While Joe exhausts himself to the point of fatigue each day, his mind fractures in splinters of worry. Is he disappointing his father? Is he good enough? Is he behind the other boys on his team? Why are their bodies in better shape even though he works out more? Why is he noticing their bodies anyway? Why isn't he interested in any of the sure-thing girls at the after-game parties? Why did he let Darren, the apparent omega of his posse, blow him? And why the hell did he enjoy it?

Joe is a fantastic suffering hero, it did not take long for me to fall completely in love with him; by the book's end I wished I could meet him.

Beautifully underplayed, highly stimulating, and bittersweet, like the finest of dark chocolate, J.W. Kilhey has written a wonderful story that captures the single-mindedness of youth, the sorrow of loss and the triumph of losing the ties that bind. The writing is swift and sure, bringing to mind the high school rites of passages each of us undergo, without dwelling overlong in the school halls. The supporting characters are thoroughly sketched out, each captivating in their own special way. But the true gift of the book is in the slow reveal and evolution of lovely Joe and his discovery of who he is, what he wants, and his triumphant conquering of his demons.

I must say that I feel my review does not capture the amazing experience which this novel brings. I feel, well, inadequate and I don't want to reveal any spoilers. I will say this; I am not a fan of football, I am not a fan of coming out stories, but I am now a fan of J W Kilhey.

Thank you, J.W. Kilhey, for this precious and electrifying story. "Intense, sexy, smart!"

[Jax · Rating 1 out of 5]

OTT abusive father, stereotypical jocks spouting vulgar sex talk, and all females are doormats and/or sluts eager to service the football gods. I have rarely disliked an MC so much. He gets the sex he wants, then immediately turns abusive. And this happens again and again for most of the book. He’s particularly nasty to one boy, discards him when someone more exciting comes along and then ends up with him for a tacked on happy ending!. On top of all that, it’s poorly edited and has an inconsistent voice that sometimes sounds deliberately YA, but then uses words no teenager would say.

This normally would’ve been a DNF but the positive reviews made me think there must be a redemptive turn in the second half that would make it all worthwhile. But there’s really no way to redeem this mess.

[Michael Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have never despised a MC in all the books I've read more so than Joe Dawson, the deeply closeted, gay high school quarterback in small-town USA.

This is NOT what I would call a m/m romance story.

.....SPOILER...

There's no romance just Joe shamefully and cruelly abandoning Darren, the band geek to "experiment" in his sexuality with the two hottest guys in town.
I just couldn't feel for Joe. Yea he had a cruel and abusive father but still... He was a louse!

So we see him go off after shamefully dumping Darren so he can have sex and sex, and sex, and sex with the two hotties. Sometimes both at the same time.
There's supposedly a "HEA ending" if you're so gullible. I couldn't buy it.
I wish I hadn't trusted the rating and recommendations.

[Amanda · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was not something I enjoyed. It reminds me of the free read Just Because.
I disliked Joey. I disliked Joey's family. I disliked Joey's friends. There were a few words misspelled, repetition of thoughts/phrases and mediocre secondary characters. And I think the worst was the way Joey took advantage of everyone Especially Darren. Then the "girls", then Luke and Eli. Ugh. Nothing like sleeping with everyone. .

The best part was the epilogue.

[Jaya Christopher · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was over Joe real quick. He was very self-involved. Darren needed a spine...and the supporting characters did not make me care about them even the slightest bit.

If Darren was my friend, I'd be giving him the side-eye every time he brought his formerly douchey boyfriend Joe around. Cute ain't everything.

It took Joe too long to sort himself out. I didn't really care about him when he did. But, for what it's worth, it ends well.

[Pati · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most heart wrenching, stomach ache inducing coming of age stories that I have ever read. I wanted to kill a few people in this one... ~sigh~ I highly recommend it to everyone but have some tissues handy.

[Izaminifee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hey, I really enjoyed this read. For one of the few times I feel like I'm reading a coming-of-age story that rings true. Without unnecessary drama, without the immaturity of the text, without the rocky and unbelievable story. The truth is not always beautiful and it is this fact that I think made some people not appreciate this story. It is plausible, raw, sad and frustrating.

Don't make the mistake of thinking this novel is a Cinderella movie, even if the ending is happy (spoiler). The characters are real, but not necessarily likeable. How can you be lovable when you don't know how to love yourself? The author offers us here the story of a young gay athlete on whose shoulders rests an enormous pressure in an environment where being your true-self seems impossible.

[Rosie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes you just connect with a book - and this was one of those times for me. I've had it for a while, skimmed past it a lot...then finally picked it up at random - then couldn't put it back down again until it was finished. I was utterly engrossed from start to finish. I couldn't read it fast enough. ..and yes...There are some random mistakes and typos, but just for the way this story grabbed me it deserves every one of the five stars I've given it. I loved it.

[John Ames · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an emotional ride this was! Whoa, I absolutely loved this novel. Yes, there were times I wanted to strangle Joey, the main guy, but at the end he came through.

Okay, this very interesting novel stars Joey. Now, Joey is a very sexually confuse jock who would let his geeky friend, Darwin, blow him from time to time. Joey lived for the game and his dad would bully him to make him better (Yeah, what an asshole!). I hated Joey's dad more than anything in the word. Joey's relationship with his dad reminded me so much of One Tree Hill's Nathan Scott with his father.

I don't want to give the plot away, but this book was really good. Joey went through a lot in his senior year as he came face to face with his sexual orientation. My heart went out to Darwin. He went through hell for Joey, but at the end, everyone found happiness.

This novel is fascinating and I cannot recommend it enough. Yes, there will be times that you would want to kill Joey and Darwin, but just keep on reading and you will end up loving it as much as I did.

[★ ☆ Booksaholic ★ ☆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay, it showed the trouble high school boys have when coming to terms with being gay and the pressure of sports, parents and college. In saying that, I hated Joe,Luke and Eli. They were jerks. Poor Darren was used and abused and it was all Joe's fault. I felt terrible for him. I thought Joe should have thought about Darren more, and if he really had loved him he would have,and Luke and Eli shouldn't have even been in his mind when he was with Darren. And Darren should have made him work at earning his forgiveness.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. The author built a great plot and carried it through. The interplay of the characters, the angst of coming to terms and coming out gay was intense. A+++++ to the author.


To the publisher:
Now the publisher is a totally different story! How can a respectable editor and publisher let a book that conatins mispelled words galore, holds a TON of missing words, major issues with incomplete sentences. The list goes on, the person that proofed this book should be FIRED or RETIRED! Quit with the shoddy workmanship folks!

[Erticchic378 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very nice read. Although there were many times I wanted to smack sense into Joe, his actions went with his mentality. While he may not have done of reacted the way I would it fit him. I'm glad he pulled his head out his rear and I finally got my gay NFL player:)

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rough, raw and very, very real. No fluff in this book and the compelling characters make this painful read a pleasure. I did want to mutuliate several people along the way to add to my pleasure, though.

[Jen Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Book,

[jules0623 · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.