How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life: Opening Your Heart to Confidence, Intimacy, and Joy

by Susan Piver

How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life is an inspirational and practical guide to conquering fear and embracing joy.

Although you may not realize it fear is getting in your way and stopping you from connecting with others, realizing the significance of your life, and finding fulfillment and joy. It doesn't have to be this way. Susan Piver has the key to breaking down the barriers of fear that are holding you back. Using simple meditation techniques, based in Buddhist principles, she will teach you how to:

-Open your heart to relationships
-Gain the confidence to pursue a meaningful career
-Achieve perspective to live your authentic life

With a contemporary approach to ancient practices Susan teaches you how to incorporate principles of meditation and mindfulness into your everyday life. This isn't about enlightenment on a mountaintop it is a way of bringing intelligence and courage to the way you relate to yourself, your family, your friends, and your life.

How Not to be Afraid of Your Own Life features the "7-Day Freedom from Fear Meditation Program" a guided journey into discovering what may be holding you back from experiencing life to the fullest. Using meditation, journaling, and other reflective practices you will find a respite from everyday pressures and learn techniques to help you re-enter your busy life refreshed, renewed, and ready to live the life you were born to.

"Susan Piver shows us how to create a fearless life." -Andrew Weil, M.D., author of Healthy Aging

Genres: Nonfiction, Buddhism, Personal Development, Self Help, Meditation, Psychology, Philosophy

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 3, 2007

About the author

Susan Piver is the New York Times bestselling author of many books, including the award-winning "How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life", "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart", "Start Here Now: An Open-Hearted Guide to the Path and Practice of Meditation", and "The Four Noble Truths of Love: Buddhist Wisdom for Modern Relationships".

Piver has been a practicing Buddhist since 1993 and graduated from a Buddhist seminary in 2004. She is an internationally acclaimed meditation teacher, known for her ability to translate ancient practices into modern life. Her work has been featured on the Oprah show, TODAY, CNN, and in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and others.

In 2013, she launched the Open Heart Project, the largest virtual mindfulness community in the world with 20,000 members.

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Piver shares some of the best explanations of Buddhist ideas I've encountered. Her insights on fear, fear's antidotes, and our relationships with ourselves and others were helpful and meaningful. Her honest personal stories were often reassuring. I liked her short, practical recommendations for dealing with fear in the moment. I connected with and benefited from a lot in this book.

That said, this book suffers from some structural issues, including an incoherent conclusion. The book culminates in a seven day meditation program that is likely to be far too intensive for a general audience, even those who practice meditation daily already. The readers would have been better served by more achievable recommendations, which Piver earlier in the book proves herself capable of giving.

Piver tells us to take what makes sense for us personally and let go of the rest, so I'll do just that. I still gave this book to three friends; I'll definitely read more of Piver's work.

[Kristal Stidham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Terrible name for a very good book about meditation and Buddha dharma. There are at least a hundred useful thoughts and exercises here that I plan to revisit when I feel the need to re-focus on myself. I also plan on loaning this to a few family members who need to be kinder to themselves.

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic book about how to approach life with balance, acceptance, and equanimity. It also includes instructions for a 7-day retreat. I want to do that, maybe starting this coming weekend. And, awesomely enough, you can buy that part as a Kindle book so you can still do it even though the main book has to go back to the library! :)

Notes:
p. 40
"One good way of testing whether your motivation is rooted in skillful action or stuck in emotional sludge or codependence is to check for your sense of humor. If it's still there, there's a good chance that you are grounded and sane."

Woot! Someone else uses this as a gauge of sanity!

p. 44 Scary guard dog gets loose and charges at a group of meditation students. The master turned and ran as fast as he could toward the dog. The dog stopped charging, scowled at them, and ran off. "When you take action in response to your fear, it alters fear's momentum. Deciding on a course of action (or paying close enough attention to sense that it's not yet time for action) reduces fear. This never fails."

p. 48 When you're afraid, write down one short sentence describing your fear: "I'm afraid_____." Then read it slowly three times, taking a deep breath after each time through. This demonstrates to yourself that you can tolerate your fear.

p. 141 Balance generosity, discipline, patience, and exertion (action).

[Peyton · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably better if you don't already have a meditation practice. A primer on Buddhist-centered meditation. Appreciated the premise: "...we were born without fear and have a natural ability to love."

[LemontreeLime · Rating 4 out of 5]

very nice.

[Suzanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just skimmed most of it. Good thoughts, well intended but reading something like Hardwired for Happiness was tons more informative, scientifically based and useable to me.

[Clara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This isn't a particularly well-written book, and it's not the only meditation book you should own or read. Having said that, it's accessible and gets the job done. One of its strengths is its 'groundedness.' You get the sense that Piver is pretty much like yourself and that, therefore, what she's suggesting you do -- establish a disciplined meditation practice -- may well be as helpful to you as it has been to her. She also brings a sense of joy to her expression of her meditation practice that spills over to the reader -- not an insignificant thing. Lastly, she includes concrete how-to instructions on various meditation exercises, as well as a 7-day meditation program that sounds eminently sensible.

The one dissonant note, I think, is the emphasis on fear. To me, this is more of a marketing device. Meditation, Piver's take on it, and her instructions for it, address just about any psychic/emotional issue that a reader might have, not simply fear. That, however, is a very small quibble about a useful book.

[Jayme · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a clear and accessible introduction to Buddhist ideas and the author keeps it interesting by offering personal stories and insights. The story about Captain Denny still makes me tear up a little bit. The audiobook version of this book is great and offers a great support to some of the meditation techniques discussed.

I gave it three stars because I detested the 'seven day meditation' programme that takes up half of the book. I don't what planet this author lives on, but I don't know anyone who can completely clear their schedule of absolutely everything for nearly two days, then stick to a meticulous schedule for a week (unless on a dedicated meditation retreat). My fear is that the average person will read this and decide that mediation is too complicated to even attempt. In fact, it's relatively simple (note: I said 'simple', not 'easy') to sit for five minutes in meditation each day. I wish Susan Piver had offered a more streamlined introduction to meditation practice.

[Kathleen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a meditation how-to book with a focus on working through fear issues. I got some good meditation techniques from this book, but overall...eh. The "7-Day Freedom From Fear Meditation Program," which is an annoyingly oversimplified concept to begin with, starts out by requiring a slightly unrealistic 36-hour solo retreat. She suggests going to a spa or a spiritual retreat center, or if you can't do that then staying at a motel! Then as a last resort she gives suggestions for creating a space in your own home for the retreat if you can't leave home, but emphasizes it works better if you can get out of the house. It's a real buzzkill to get through the whole book and then realize the plan won't work as well unless you do this retreat. I didn't have any expectations of eliminating fear from my life with a 200-page book, but I was kind of hoping the program would be easier to implement.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is much less self-helpy than the title would lead you to believe. Susan guides the reader through the principles and practice of Shamatha meditation; of sitting with and letting go of your thoughts, feelings, and physical responses to emotion; and of working through the barriers that we put up in life, to protect us from feeling uncomfortable. But she doesn't do this in a super teachy way; instead, she relates it directly to her own life experiences--with relationships, employers, strangers, etc.--sharing what she's learned by applying her spiritual lessons to a typical city lifestyle. I've since signed up for Susan's twice-a-week meditation and inspiration videos and hope to run into her some day on Boston's streets.

[Paul Bard · Rating 2 out of 5]

I understand the need to create an interesting title, but I take titles at their word when they make a promise. So when I read this book, it was to answer one question: how to overcome fear.

The answer is on pages 129-130. The way to overcome fear is to create confidence, and the way to create confidence is to share something real, authentic, and undoubtedly true. In the case of this book, the "undoubtedly true" stuff shared in Tibetan Buddhist Mahayana meditation practices.

In fact, Mahayana meditation turns out to be the ONLY answer the book gives! We have almost 200 pages of Mahayana practices on the theme of dealing with fear.

I would prefer, and recommend, a solid practical guide to mindfulness instead.

[Kirsten · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked how this book was concise and relatable. The author lets her personality shine through in a way that encourages readers who are intrigued but maybe intimidated by using meditation and Buddhist ideals as tools for their own lives. The book is a good source to pick up for quick reference when one is starting a routine practice for the first time or just getting back on track. I have to agree that the final chapters ask a lot from a beginner (and even non-beginners) which is surprising considering the whole book leading up to the end seemed to be going in the direction of something a little less intensive. In any case, a good, refreshing read to keep you on point and to keep life in perspective.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful book by the author of the 100 Questions series. Through a discussion of the issues she's faced head-on in her own life, Piver illuminates the role that meditation can play in helping to overcome fear, self-doubt, and many other barriers to happiness and intimacy in our lives. The book includes a guide to meditation and instructions for a self-guided meditation retreat. Highly recommended!

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was most flattered to receive this book as a gift from author Susan Piver who I am lucky to know via twitter and I found it to be an excellent resource for anyone willing to see potential of others' beliefs and practices.

I found it inspiring to read of the author's own experiences and how she used these techniques to live a life of joy, not fear. That alone is a daunting job and this is a book I'll keep nearby in the months ahead as I go through my cancer treatment.

[Anthony · Rating 2 out of 5]

I went to the library, looking for a book to read, and found this one. I don't think it's quite what I was looking for - I had hoped to pick up a Pema Chodron-type tome, but this was fine. There is a nice plan for a seven-day personal meditation and reflection session near the end of the book, if you would like to try that. I also liked some of the stories the author contributed about her own life. Thank you Susan for writing this book.

[Caroline Crayons · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book since I am so interested in mindfulness and other buddhist practices. This struck me as having been written from the head. There are far too many personal, coy asides for my taste. There were a few good passages, especially those covering the practice of Loving-Kindness. Also, it rubs me the wrong way when people speak of "becoming Buddhist." Rather it is something that one practices for the duration of one's life.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is somewhat difficult to rate this book at this time. Most of the book reiterated basic Shamatha Buddhist mediation ideas and ways to practice. This was a good review, but the 7 day Meditation Program is somewhat involved and is recommended to be undertaken when you have already established a meditatiion practice. The 7 day plan is intriguing and it sounds like it would be a wonderful do-it-yourself retreat to try at a later date. I may change my rating then.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I relish the moment when you discover a new path of understanding. Piver explains meditation as actually our mind's natural state, so it is not something you learn. Rather, it is something you return to and rediscover. I LOVE that notion. And now I can connect with that thought whenever I feel my mind becoming a swell of butterflies. This book breaks the practice of meditation into practical + inspiring common sense that any reader can navigate with grace.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ugh, it pains me to give this book only 3 stars because I really love Susan Piver. This book, however, is not really breaking any grounds on meditation, and Pema Chodron is much better for an overview of using Buddhism in your real life. BUT! The chapter on relationships in this book is excellent. Really, really excellent. I've reread it a few times already.

And the title? Embarrassing to read in public, frankly. :(

[Cassandra Cantrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my third Susan Piver book and like the other two, I'll be returning to the writings for gentle reminders. Piver's work is both fresh and practical. I've benefited from her authenticity and openness. As it turns out, I "ain't so bad after all " and through her ability to write from a raw space, I'm allowed to extend compassion toward myself. If you are Buddhist or just interested in a philosophy for approaching life that utilizes eastern thought , then please get this book today!

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like this book. I thought it was a great introduction into some great meditation techniques. I would love to do the self retreat in the book but unfortunately just started classes and was unable to take the 36 hours to myself. I would definitely like to get the book when more time is available and do just that.

[Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Contains some wonderful meditations and thoughts on the nature of fear. A very VERY basic intro to Shamatha style meditation and Buddhism. The friendly, conversational tone made it a pleasure to read through some concepts that could otherwise have been slow going. I'll be returning to this book periodically. It's got some nice, simple one-liners that knock things into perspective.

[Jay Bhayani · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only read this as I am starting to get into Buddhism and the author was one of the names I recognised from some Internet searching. I'm very glad I did read it. It is possibly titled a little inaccurately as it doesn't tell you it's about Buddhism or meditation but for me it couldn't have come at a better time.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had such hopes for this book. Maybe I was just too busy when I was reading to concentrate on it fully, but I didn't really get much out of it. It seemed to ramble about unrelated things and didn't really say much about overcoming fear, which I thought was the whole premise of the book.

[Jocinda · Rating 1 out of 5]

Too much narrative about the author's own life, and the meditation techniques are not in line with my own. As with all self help books, take what works for you and discard the rest. I got one thing only from this book: the question "what can't I say?"

[Mare S · Rating 3 out of 5]

A simplified use of Buddhist philosophies to try to make you more aware of things. Some useful information, but nothing too profound.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best and most insightful books I've read in a long time!

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very good book about Buddhist practice for non-Buddhists or people who want to incorporate meditation into their lives.

[Jennifer Louden · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Susan Piver, we have a birthday one day apart and this book really helped me with my fear.

[Evie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spoiler alert: You meditate.