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352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1967
It would be unthinkable to make Zed unhappy with the weight of this impractical, unsuitable love. Besides, I love him for being happy and innocent, so it would be destroying what I love. He could not stand the weight of the world against such feelings – not that they are bad in themselves. It is the public opinion that makes them so.... The whole of my brain tells me the situation is impossible, while the whole of my heart nags on.Warner describes the result.
He could not still his heart. During the next four years he was to live at the mercy of a love which could only be expressed in falsities, which he dared not let out of his sight, which he could not trust, could not renounce, could not forego without sinning against his own nature, could not secure.While most of the book tracks White's failures and impressive success at writing and friendship, quoting perhaps too liberally from his letters, it is his essential sadness that finally impresses itself on the reader. "He had been unlucky with his happiness," Warner concludes. White himself wrote in his diary shortly before his death at 57: "I expect to make rather a good death. The essence of death is loneliness, and I have had plenty of practice at this."