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The Social Lives of Dogs: The Grace of Canine Company

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The groundbreaking, New York Times–bestselling book on canine behavior and how dogs become family from the author of The Hidden Life of Dogs.   In the sequel to her New York Times bestseller The Hidden Lives of Dogs, anthropologist Elizabeth Marshall Thomas profiles the assortment of canines in her own household to examine how dogs have comfortably adapted to life with their human owners—and with each other.   Thomas answers questions we all have about our dogs’ Do different barks mean different things? What makes a dog difficult to house-train? Why do certain dogs and cats get along so well? How does one of her dogs recognize people he sees only once a year, while another barks at strangers she sees every day? What leads to the formation of packs or groups?   As Publishers Weekly raves, “no one writes with greater emotional intelligence about man’s (and woman’s) best friend than Thomas.”  

259 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 1, 2000

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About the author

Elizabeth Marshall Thomas

46 books255 followers
Elizabeth Marshall Thomas is the author of The Harmless People, a non fiction work about the Kung Bushmen of southwestern Africa, and of Reindeer Moon, a novel about the paleolithic hunter gatherers of Siberia, both of which were tremendous international successes. She lives in New Hampshire.

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5 stars
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270 (35%)
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136 (18%)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews
Profile Image for Peter Tillman.
4,038 reviews476 followers
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September 3, 2018
I was expecting a more general-interest book, but what it is, is a personal memoir of her pet dogs. Which is kind of interesting, and she's a really good writer, but, since I'm a cat person, of limited interest to me. DNF and unrated, but is likely to interest dog owners
Profile Image for Christina Stind.
538 reviews67 followers
January 17, 2009
Elizabeth Marshall Thomas shares stories about 5 dogs in particular (Sundog, Misty, Pearl, Ruby and Sheilah) along with stories about the rest of the multi-species household consisting of dogs (as much as 7 dogs at a time), cats and parrots in her attempt to understand animal thinking and reasoning and the social rules and norms that exist between them.
The household is not the normal animal family in many ways. For instance, the amount of animals and that they have dogs and cats and birds existing alongside each other. But mainly, because she doesn't believe in controlling every last bit about her dogs so even though they learn to answer to their name and to sit down when they go out walking and a car comes by, she still allows the dogs to have their own life and acknowledges that sometimes, things are so important in the dog's eyes that it's okay not to come immediately when called.
Her dogs are not normal, pure-breed dogs either - she thrives on having dog with personality and especially dogs with dingo-like qualities or street dogs; dogs she can learn from.
All this makes for a very interesting book that any dog person will like with it's five very different star dogs. Sundog who is so very obedient when he comes into the family that he just stays on the porch where he was (probably) told to stay for several days until he is invited inside and turns out to be a very clever and intelligent dog with almost human-like qualities. Misty who is so anxious to be Second dog and who spent the first months of her life living in a crate so she has to learn to walk through grass because she stumbles in it. Pearl - the sweet earth mother who is so clever in solving social problems among the dogs. Ruby - the bad and disobedient dog, cat chaser and urine leaker who still turns out to be so very special. And finally Sheilah, the incredible clever New Mexican streetdog.
Five very special dogs that will touch any heart. An easy and enjoyable read for any dog lover, perfect to cuddle up with in front of a fireplace together with your own furry friend.
Profile Image for Desiree.
646 reviews6 followers
September 7, 2011
I really enjoyed this book. I like the way the author, who is an anthroplogist, talks about watching her pets interact with one another and the humans in the household without talking like a scientist and above the reader's head. Her stories are amusing and most dog lovers will be able to relate to many of these stories. When she talks about Sundog, I am reminded of my best friend who I lost almost 2 years ago. He also looked a lot like Sundog. I also understood her grief with the decision she made with Sundog. Been there, done that. It nevers gets any easier. I also laughed out loud at some of her descriptions and thoughts on different situations because it was exactly how I would have looked at the situation. I made sure to read these sections out loud to my husband because I knew he would see the humor as well.
I highly recommend this book to other dog lovers. It was a quick read. It only took me two days!
Profile Image for Lckeller.
95 reviews
March 23, 2023
3.5 stars. This is written by an anthropologist, who had 4 dogs, 2 parrots and 5-6 cats, at the time she wrote the book. She describes herself as a “chronicler with a respect for science.” I especially enjoyed the Epilogue about the mental connections dog owners can develop with their pets. I also appreciated her “hints” in the first appendix about dealing with dogs’ behavioral problems. I disagree with some of her thoughts on euthanasia, although I appreciated her perspective from all of her experience. The book was well-written and gave me some new things to consider about dog ownership.
Profile Image for Angela Penrose.
Author 18 books3 followers
August 10, 2016
This is a fun book, and generally an interesting read. It's more anecdotal than academic, which is fine for a relaxing read. I don't always agree with the writer's views -- letting a dog who's too wracked with arthritis to move at all just lie on the floor, clearly in serious pain, for weeks (or maybe months, it's hard to tell) is incredibly cruel IMO -- but at least she's consistent. Her observations on how Americans see dogs and their abilities and their place in our society versus how dogs are/were seen in third world villages and among hunter-gatherer peoples are on point. Her ideas about purebred dogs -- that they're stupid, useless floofs bred solely for looks -- are a tiny bit shallow [eyeroll] but she's certainly not alone in that. I've only ever owned mutts, myself, and think they're great dogs, but you have to be actively pushing a very shallow agenda to take the results of the worst of the puppy mills and treat them as though they represent the entire breeder community.

Issues aside, the writing flows comfortably and I enjoyed reading this book.
Profile Image for LindaW.
185 reviews
September 4, 2016
I enjoyed this book! While in our house we currently have only three dogs and no cats or other animals, I could relate to the author's observations on the behaviors of her multiple dogs as a social group. As an anthropologist, she was able to lovingly and skillfully observe and analyze how the dogs and cats (and the various other pets including parrots!) ranked each other in relation to their species and to the humans in the household as well. The book chronicles the lives of each of her dogs and how they came into the household and how they ultimately adapted to the people and other animals. I love observing and analyzing our dogs' behaviors (both fun and annoying) and have gained some insight about them from reading this lovely book.
4 reviews1 follower
February 4, 2011


I loved this book. Elizabeth Marshall Thomas is all heart and writes about dogs in their packs as a much loved member. She clearly has a deep connection with all her animals but is amazingly capable of letting them be exactly who they are and not projecting her "human" traits on them. Her style is funny, touching, inspiring and heartfelt. I would highly recommend this book to all animal lovers, especially those of us who belong to dog packs.
Profile Image for Dawn Mateo.
165 reviews3 followers
November 10, 2012
I was under the expectation, and hoping, that this took a more anthropological view point into the social lives of dogs. (As the title might suggest). Instead it says about the author's pets (not just dogs) and her thoughts on the subject and she raised question that I was asking (and my purpose for reading the book). While it wasn't what I set out to read, I still found it somewhat entertaining.
Profile Image for Bookchick.
70 reviews18 followers
November 23, 2010
Fascinating interplay between Thomas' dogs and between the dogs and other household species. I think some of her general conclusions about dog behavior, based only upon the specific behaviors of her dogs, were a stretch. Still, entertaining and thought-provoking.
Profile Image for Carmen .
517 reviews1 follower
September 4, 2015
I learned so much about dogs, cats, parrots and other animals! I had no idea dogs were so status conscious! Wonderful book!
Profile Image for John.
Author 137 books35 followers
July 7, 2014
Roughly speaking, all social behavior falls somewhere between two poles: rigid conformity and utter anarchy. Depending on our own temperament and social grooming, most of us tend to be attracted to one of the two and repulsed by the other. We are Apollonian or Dionysian, seekers of light and order or darkness and misrule. Dog owners are especially easy to fit into this spectrum. On the one side we have the disciplinarians for whom the very definition of a "good" dog is obedience; on the other side we have those -- the right term doesn't come immediately to mind -- who are perfectly content to let their dogs work out behavior boundaries on their own. Each side has a partial but pungeant view of the other: tales of cruel treatment and broken spirits are matched, story by story, with those of owner irresponsibility and intractable pets.

What dogs might think about all this is a little more complicated. As Elizabeth Marshall Thomas points out, they have lived with human beings for thousands of years in a state more like truce than true amicability. Dogs tolerated humans because they were so adept at generating tasty scraps; humans tolerated dogs because they cleaned up waste and kept a watchful eye out for strangers and dangerous animals. True, there was also their usefulness as hunting companions, but this may be overrated, since to be really successful at this dogs must be carefully trained (otherwise, "me kill, me eat") -- something that, until recently, humans were not particularly inclined to do.

It is just this sort of primeval human-dog relationship -- or as close to it as one can get in these modern times -- that Thomas has attempted to provide for her own dogs, while demanding of herself something much more involved (and humane) than the traditional mere sufferance displayed by the human side. She adopts this laissez-fair attitude toward her pets partly because she believes it is the one that dogs understand and like the best and partly because, as a professional observer of these animals, she finds that it is in just this sort of situation that they are most likely to display their true doggy selves.

Each of Thomas's three books on human pets -- The Hidden Life of Dogs, The Tribe of Tiger, and, lastly, The Social Lives of Dogs -- all of which I have read and greatly admired (The Tribe of Tiger actually is one of those extremely rare books that changed my life, for reasons to complex to go into here) -- is a deeply considered meditation on the nature of interspecies relationship as it applies to humans and their house animals (she doesn't approve of the word "pet" for reasons that are easy to understand, but it's hard to come up with a better term. "Domesticated animals" too much suggests cows and pigs, which are not at all the same thing.) As you can tell from their titles, the first book focused mostly on dogs and the second book mostly on cats.

This third one, though, despite the title, embraces her whole tribe of house animals -- a menage of dogs, cats, and parrots (or birds like cockatoos that for most of us might just as well be parrots). And, this time, she herself plays a larger role, the pivotal presence in the lives of the animals about whom she structures her narrative and who themselves, willingly or inadvertently, have come to structure her household and, in ways that are amusing and instructive, her own behavior as well.

The three elderly dogs we meet when the book begins -- Suessi, Fatima, and Inookshook -- have established something pretty close to the original human-dog connection on their own. They have little interest in their human owners, interact with them only when necessary, and generally live their own quiet, self-absorbed lives apart from the rest of the household. Interestingly, this makes them seem much more like cats than the dogs most of us know.

Enter Sundog, a large, handsome male of indeterminate breed, abandoned on Thomas's mother's front porch in Cambridge, Massachusetts, by his previous owners. If the original trio of dogs had been willing to absorb Sundog into their group when he arrived, he might have become much like them. But they wanted nothing to do with him. And so, stunned and mortified, he decided to make the best of the situation and join the human pack, instead. A dog without a secure place in a social structure is a dog completely at sea.

Sundog identifies Thomas's husband, Steve, as the alpha male in the human pack and attaches himself to him, almost to the point where the two become inseparable. This situation Steve accepts at first with good grace and later with a fierce sense of bonding. Because of this connection, Sundog adopts some human behaviors, the most touching of which is an interest in sharing, a concept not normally associated with canine behavior. He and Steve come to share ice cream cones lick by lick and, later, popcorn, something that normal dogs have absolutely no interest in. That both these experiences come to grief provides a fascinating instance of how much and how little two species, with the best will in the world, can fail to understand each other.

The tribe is increased with the arrival of other dogs, the cats, and the birds, all of whom find their own place in the unit's social structure. How they do so and what results from this is a central theme of the book, the other being -- perhaps -- the price animals pay for joining together with humans in social units. It is very hard to decide once one reaches the end whether to be inspired or depressed. Thomas offers good reasons to feel both emotions; what is unusual is that she is adept at making you feel them both at once, and profoundly.

For me, however, not knowing whether to laugh or cry was the least of it. Thomas is one of those fortunate people who are completely at ease in the world of light and the world of darkness, able to discern order in the worst of chaos and to point out disorder rippling beneath the surface of the most orderly behavior. I share the same ability, but for me it is turned inside out. I yearn for freedom when my life becomes bound by discipline; yearn for order when everything slips helplessly into muddle and confusion.

This exactly defines my relationship with my dog, a large and very self-assured Siberian husky. Although he accepted me as the alpha member in the pack, he was not at all interested in becoming part of a master/pet relationship. I understood this but what followed was as painful as it was rewarding, and at times it was very, very painful. What do you do with a dog who wants the freedom to be himself? You can't turn him loose in the wild; you can't let him run wild in civilization, because the consequences will only come back to haunt you.

Because of this, after Mick died, I've never been able to consider becoming a dog owner again, although I profoundly miss having a dog in my life. The Social Lives of Dogs showed me that, even after two decades, the old wounds are still raw, the old desire still rages in my heart. But it doesn't offer a clue about what to do about this, except perhaps to become a large enough person to be able to handle both.
Profile Image for Autumn Doughton.
Author 9 books770 followers
September 23, 2008
I really wanted to rate this 3.5 stars, but since that's not an option, I had to go with 4 stars.
This book was departure from the norm for me. I usually go for fantastical novels that carry me away, but this was a fun examination of the way dogs think/feel/relate. It was written straightforwardly, but created a fun and winding story.
I love dogs and currently own a boxer that is a nuisance and a pain but also a great love. I laughed while reading this book, understanding, like the author, the strangeness and wonder of a canine.
The only hesitations I had about this book was that I felt like the author was almost putting down "normal" dog owners--people that walk their dogs on leashes, crate them or do not give them a freedom of expression by allowing them to wander and choose their own path. Most of our living situations will not allow our pets to roam the hillsides freely, but somehow she still makes the reader feel a little bad about that. There is a definite undertone...

Aside from that, I would recommend this book to my dog-loving, book-loving friends.
Profile Image for Sienna.
946 reviews13 followers
August 8, 2018
Excellent. Personal & intimate but not limited by her person. She is an observer & unafraid of seeing & saying things she may not have expected to find. As much a book about communication as a book about dogs (as the best ones are).

"The notion that one cannot penetrate the mind of another species may seem valid to certain human beings, but it is not shared by animals. On the contrary, animals read one another’s minds with surprising accuracy, and ours as well."

"To be sure, most animals are better at empathetic observation than we are, not only because they are more aware of small details, but also because they credit the evidence of their senses."

"Unlike wolves, who must communicate only with other wolves and therefore seldom need to bark, dogs must communicate with people, and we require cannonades of sound. We are dense where canids are sensitive, and dogs must exert themselves mightily to make their feelings known to us."
Profile Image for Mary.
744 reviews
October 11, 2008
An utterly delightful book. If you love animals, read Elizabeth Marshall Thomas. She is passionate, insightful, and funny, in observing details about the dogs in her life. Some of the anecdotes are hilarious, some are sad, all are interesting. The book also talks about how her dogs, unbeknownst to her and her husband, formed little groups/cliques with the humans and the cats in her household. I look forward to her other book about dogs. Have already read her book about cats, which was very good. (Tribe of Tiger.) And am currently reading her book about living in Africa at the age of 19, with what she contends are the "first people," which is pretty interesting.
Profile Image for Barbara.
303 reviews
June 10, 2017
Elizabeth Thomas did it again. Being a dog lover, I was taken with her first book, The Hidden Life of Dogs, but this one is equally moving. It's more personal but just as revealing about animal behaviors. As in Merle's Door, Thomas's dogs have a dog door allowing them to come and go as they please - except when they all come inside at night for safety's sake. Thomas is an observer who connects deeply with animals. I'm just grateful she wants to write and share her stories with others. This is a must read for all dog lovers.
1,233 reviews4 followers
August 20, 2009
A quick read...thoroughly enjoyed (even if I see things a bit different from the author). The hard part was the memories it brought back of my own dog...too many tears yesterday (3 week mark). But many of those memories are so precious to me.

I've been avoiding writing down them because I cry when I do, but now want to more then ever.

There is just something special about dogs and the way they fit into our packs.
Profile Image for Nicholas George.
Author 2 books69 followers
October 6, 2013
Thomas lives with a large menagerie of dogs, cats and parrots (oh, and she manages to get her husband in there too) and still has time to write eloquently and incisively. Quite an accomplishment! For anyone who has spent a lifetime trying to figure out the mysteries of their pets' behavior, this book is immensely illuminating. You'll never look at your dog (or cat) the same again (which is a good thing!).
Profile Image for Joe Stevens.
5 reviews
February 16, 2020
Great Book for all Animal Lovers

This isn’t a preachy book that gives rules to follow without question. Rather it’s a story of a very intuitive person who loves all animals and thinks of things from the animal’s point of view. And she’s very good at it. Living in Maine, i wonder if I’ll ever meet her and her husband, Steve. A book you need to read. It’s taught me how to react to issues that always comes up with dogs and cats.
Profile Image for Jan.
335 reviews6 followers
March 2, 2009
This is the sequil of The Hidden Lives of Dogs, and it's even better than the first. For a non fiction book, it's incredibly mesmerizing. I could hardly put it down, as she described one story after another about her various pets ( not all dogs). I fell totally in love with Sundog, and you will, too. I may want to read this book again, sometime.
Profile Image for Katiem.
95 reviews12 followers
June 5, 2011
I don't have much to add to what everyone else has said. This is a great, simple read for those of us who value our pets as family. Much like the author, I too have a large pack of animals (8 dogs, 5 cats and a rabbit) living in my home. I enjoyed reading her experiences and her interpretations of dogs behaviour, even if I don't completely agree with her views.

You can't help but love Sundog.
Profile Image for Cori.
94 reviews11 followers
September 11, 2012
I learned so much from this book! The author does an amazing job of demonstrating canine group structure and communication - among themselves and with humans, cats and birds.

I presented the biscuit test to both my dogs - a 13 year old Shepherd mix and a 1 year old Basenji/Terrier... I was surprised by the result.
137 reviews
September 28, 2016
Read this if you are interested in anthropology, social psychology, pets, animal welfare, or animal behavior. Thomas writes with insight and a quiet sense of humor. She has a gift for rendering both humans and animals (not just dogs) believable characters. I still remember reading her previous book, The Hidden Life of Dogs, some years ago. This is engrossing work.
Profile Image for Kjboester.
18 reviews1 follower
January 8, 2009
Elizabeth Thomas has such a love and passion for animals which pours out in every word she writes. I laughed out loud, cried, and smiled through every chapter. This is not a truly scientific reading, but well worth the time.
Profile Image for Sarah Schoen.
156 reviews1 follower
December 29, 2009
For dog owners who want to understand who's REALLY in charge, this book is excellent! It takes the reader through the addition of several cats and dogs to a household in New Hampshire and narrates what happens through the eyes of an anthropologist.
Profile Image for Mary Standard.
163 reviews18 followers
February 10, 2017
This is another great book by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas which searches the life of dogs and how they interact with one another and their owners.
Profile Image for Dewayne Stark.
564 reviews3 followers
May 31, 2017
I have had birds, dogs and cats but never as many as the author. Not sure if an electric collar is the correct solution for the problem she was having with one dog.
5 reviews
April 6, 2019
Powerful reading

This book gives very important information on how pets relate to one another and their humans. Very touching and meaningful.
81 reviews1 follower
June 10, 2020
I love reading books about dogs. In this book, the author tells the story of her own dogs. I enjoyed it.
Profile Image for Stephen Campbell.
67 reviews
March 7, 2023
Written by a true American eccentric, the book is well aware of its flaws and ommissions, but I found it to be a really helpful perspective (probably more so than the first, although I found that interesting and useful too), and would recommend it to anyone looking to understand dog psychology. It's also fun, with some jaw-dropping anecdotes. Despite criticisms I had read, especially relating to the first book, I feel no doubt that author is a kind and good woman who loves (and, importantly, understands) animals and makes their lives better.
Profile Image for Lenny Husen.
1,111 reviews23 followers
May 3, 2024
4.0 Thoroughly readable and enjoyable, though quirky. Liz's writing voice reminds me of Temple Grandin. Basically a memoir about a number of dogs, cats, parrots, people living in rural New Hampshire in the 1980's-1990's, but mainly about the dogs.
I enjoyed this so much I am reading her earlier book.
Marshall is an writer who seeks to communicate her world through a lens of observation and kindness. She is super likable.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 49 reviews

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