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First Contact
Alien Space Tentacle Porn
A 1950s hospital. Temporary amnesia. A naked man running through Central Park yelling something about alien space tentacles. Tinfoil, duct tape, and bananas. These are the ingredients for a spectacular romp through a world you never thought possible as aliens reach out and make contact with Earth. This novella extends a short story from The Alien Chronicles.FIRST CONTACT is a series of stand-alone novels that explore humanity's first interaction with extraterrestrial life. This series is similar to BLACK MIRROR or THE TWILIGHT ZONE in that the series is based on a common theme rather than common characters. This allows these books to be read in any order. Technically, they're all first as they all deal with how we might initially respond to contact with aliens, exploring the social, political, religious, and scientific aspects of First Contact.
113 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 22, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 100 reviews
March 5, 2018
After enjoying Retrograde recently I'd thought I'd try something else by this author and the title of this one stands out somewhat.
What we get is Joe, a New Yorker everyman who has a bizarre encounter when his beautiful neighbor's brother gets shot in the head and she enlists his help.
What follows is a romp that skewers every UFO abduction/aliens among us story ever and constantly keeps you wrong-footed with the alien's plans and how Joe deals with his situations.
There's an ongoing joke around the title which I won't spoil, but the book does have a lot to say about porn in general, or at least from an oblique angle. There's a lot of male-gaze stuff going on, but the book is well aware of what it's doing there and it gets as skewered as the rest of it.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. It's funny and warm and smart which make it an excellent science fiction rom-com.
What we get is Joe, a New Yorker everyman who has a bizarre encounter when his beautiful neighbor's brother gets shot in the head and she enlists his help.
Sharon says, “Help me get him inside.”It turns out that Sharon and her brother Mark are aliens.
“He’s dead,” I say, stating the obvious.
“We can save him,” she replies, handing me the keys to her apartment. “Put him in the bathtub. Quick!”
“We’re scientists,” she says as she works. “We’re not from around here.”
“Brooklyn?” I ask, detecting a familiar twang in her accent.
“Wrong planet,” she replies, standing up and admiring her handiwork.
What follows is a romp that skewers every UFO abduction/aliens among us story ever and constantly keeps you wrong-footed with the alien's plans and how Joe deals with his situations.
There's an ongoing joke around the title which I won't spoil, but the book does have a lot to say about porn in general, or at least from an oblique angle. There's a lot of male-gaze stuff going on, but the book is well aware of what it's doing there and it gets as skewered as the rest of it.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. It's funny and warm and smart which make it an excellent science fiction rom-com.
August 16, 2018
What's the most important discovery, ever? Hint. It's an idea.
Equality.
Yes, a short novel with the best title ever is all about: equality.
Who'd have thunk?
But no worries, it's also a fast-talking ride with a magic-tongued New-Yorker falling for a hot alien babe who has a nefarious feminist agenda that gets him in trouble with cops, more cops, even more cops, and government cops.
Oh yeah, and Chicago was threatened. As in... Boom. :)
But more than that, we find out that porn is pretty cool.
And that's what I like to learn in a morally and ethically sound novel that includes tentacles.
Banana, anyone?
Equality.
Yes, a short novel with the best title ever is all about: equality.
Who'd have thunk?
But no worries, it's also a fast-talking ride with a magic-tongued New-Yorker falling for a hot alien babe who has a nefarious feminist agenda that gets him in trouble with cops, more cops, even more cops, and government cops.
Oh yeah, and Chicago was threatened. As in... Boom. :)
But more than that, we find out that porn is pretty cool.
And that's what I like to learn in a morally and ethically sound novel that includes tentacles.
Banana, anyone?
November 2, 2017
Alien Space Tentacle Porn
By: Peter Cawdron
Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
Alien Space Tentacle Porn by Peter Cawdron is another book that proves I am on the right track when I follow this great author! This book is a hoot! A regular guy, minding his own business, somehow gets caught up in some craziness. He sees a guy get shot in the head in front of him, the dead guy's sister enlists his help to drag his body around, doing strange things to it, leaves him with a gun after she shoots at the FBI, and on it goes.... later in the holding cell in jail, along with a drunk, the girl strips naked and has him splash soapy water on her so she can slip through the bars all the while the drunk is making comments! It is so funny. The FBI catch him and they think he is an alien, that is so funny too. It is a short book but it is so good. I really enjoyed this clever story.
The narrator was pure perfection! It is hard to do comedy but this is done so well that the narration enhances the humor! Loved it all! Wonderful job!
By: Peter Cawdron
Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
Alien Space Tentacle Porn by Peter Cawdron is another book that proves I am on the right track when I follow this great author! This book is a hoot! A regular guy, minding his own business, somehow gets caught up in some craziness. He sees a guy get shot in the head in front of him, the dead guy's sister enlists his help to drag his body around, doing strange things to it, leaves him with a gun after she shoots at the FBI, and on it goes.... later in the holding cell in jail, along with a drunk, the girl strips naked and has him splash soapy water on her so she can slip through the bars all the while the drunk is making comments! It is so funny. The FBI catch him and they think he is an alien, that is so funny too. It is a short book but it is so good. I really enjoyed this clever story.
The narrator was pure perfection! It is hard to do comedy but this is done so well that the narration enhances the humor! Loved it all! Wonderful job!
August 16, 2018
It's often the small things that hold the most significance.
This is not a deep novella. Although it's deeper than the title lets one suggest. *lol*
Guy meets alien, alien turns out to be in the body of a hot woman, man goes on romp through time with alien.
Along the way, it's about human discoveries and human deparivities. How humanity is capable of the best and worst imaginable. Our often awesome ingenuity.
The aliens can't just push a button and make decisions for us, change has to come from within. Until then, they're apparently trying to protect us from ourselves while we're growing up.
Equality. A quiet revolution.
The author throws in basically every stereotype about aliens out there and either throws them in for a laugh or turns them on their head. He also peppers the story with pop culture references such as CSI episodes and Bruce Willis quotes.
Sadly, I didn't laugh or even only grin once while reading this. Maybe it was the boob jokes / dick jokes / nudity jokes ... that got old very fast.
The references didn't really work for me, either, considering how the MC supposedly is from the 1950s but he was also pretty modern in his way of thinking anyway. It didn't throw me off exactly but it didn't help with my general problem: I didn't connect with anyone or anything here.
Cops? Soldiers? Doctors? DARPA? What's the aliens' end game? Is there gonna be a twist in the end?
Who cares?!
Either you click with a book or you don't and I, unfortunately, didn't. Not really. Even the message was too generic for me.
This is not a deep novella. Although it's deeper than the title lets one suggest. *lol*
Guy meets alien, alien turns out to be in the body of a hot woman, man goes on romp through time with alien.
Along the way, it's about human discoveries and human deparivities. How humanity is capable of the best and worst imaginable. Our often awesome ingenuity.
The aliens can't just push a button and make decisions for us, change has to come from within. Until then, they're apparently trying to protect us from ourselves while we're growing up.
Equality. A quiet revolution.
The author throws in basically every stereotype about aliens out there and either throws them in for a laugh or turns them on their head. He also peppers the story with pop culture references such as CSI episodes and Bruce Willis quotes.
Sadly, I didn't laugh or even only grin once while reading this. Maybe it was the boob jokes / dick jokes / nudity jokes ... that got old very fast.
The references didn't really work for me, either, considering how the MC supposedly is from the 1950s but he was also pretty modern in his way of thinking anyway. It didn't throw me off exactly but it didn't help with my general problem: I didn't connect with anyone or anything here.
Cops? Soldiers? Doctors? DARPA? What's the aliens' end game? Is there gonna be a twist in the end?
Who cares?!
Either you click with a book or you don't and I, unfortunately, didn't. Not really. Even the message was too generic for me.
February 6, 2017
At first I'd thought it might be a bit raunchy, then having read a couple reviews, I'd liked what I'd read! This book was fabulously funny and quite witty too. I'd say to you to get a copy. and dig the fun and fantasy too! Murf the Surf
May 1, 2022
Ok so … am I the only one who was disappointed by the lack of tentacles? No? Just me? okay …
Anyway, this is NOT what I thought it would be and honestly, that’s on me. But I can’t rate a book for not being what I thought it was lol.
This actually ended up being a funny and sometimes serious and well written story about humanity and equality. At times it was a bit preachy, the objective of this book was not exactly subtle … which is fine.
The author has a fun sense of humor. But the scenes were very disjointed. It felt like a series of even shorter stories wrapped into a short story.
Overall I enjoyed the read but am now on the quest for actual space tentacle porn lol
Anyway, this is NOT what I thought it would be and honestly, that’s on me. But I can’t rate a book for not being what I thought it was lol.
This actually ended up being a funny and sometimes serious and well written story about humanity and equality. At times it was a bit preachy, the objective of this book was not exactly subtle … which is fine.
The author has a fun sense of humor. But the scenes were very disjointed. It felt like a series of even shorter stories wrapped into a short story.
Overall I enjoyed the read but am now on the quest for actual space tentacle porn lol
July 30, 2015
This was another fantastically well done sci-fi story from Cawdron. Very good to start with, his writing just seems to get better every time. Alien Space Tentacle Porn is another alien look at what it means to be human. Great characters and a fun, fast-paced plot made this a very enjoyable read. Check it out along with all of Cawdron's other works. This guy writes brilliant stories in the vein of Asimov, Bradbury, and Heinlein's classic works.
August 23, 2021
There’s something hilarious in the accounts of alien abductions by “UFOs” that proliferated decades ago following the infamous Roswell incident. Yet it should be no surprise that many Americans continue to credit these reports even after the US government’s recently released study on Unidentified Aerial Phenomena. After all, millions believe the most absurd nonsense about the lopsided result of the 2020 presidential election and other fantasies propagated by the defeated candidate. So, it’s fitting that a science fiction author might tackle the subject with humor. Peter Cawdron does that in Alien Space Tentacle Porn, and the book is a surprising contrast with his other work. But it’s one of the least successful efforts in his long-running series of standalone novels about First Contact.
Centuries of alien abductions
The conceit on which Cawdron builds his tale is straightforward. Extraterrestrials have, indeed, arrived on Earth, and in fact have been here for centuries. From time to time, it seems, there have been alien abductions. But the aliens hide behind the absurd reports of anal penetration and other silliness that no one with any sense could possibly believe. These reports, it would seem, constitute “Alien Space Tentacle Porn.” And Cawdron unaccountably writes as though the novel is about pornography in general, introducing the term in a “Synopsis” at the beginning and commenting on it at length in “About this book” at the end.
No tentacles on these aliens
But the story itself is suspenseful and amusing. Joe Connors wakes up in a 1950s hospital suffering from temporary amnesia. He is haunted by an image of a “naked man running through Central Park yelling something about alien space tentacles.” But it’s not the 1950s anymore. It’s the present day. Joe really has encountered aliens. And the aliens have human form, with no tentacles in sight, whatever their true nature might be. In fact, the two aliens he deals with, Sharon and Mark, appear to be perfectly normal, even attractive human beings.
Somehow, Joe’s unsolicited adventure with Mark and Sharon ends up capturing the attention of DARPA. Just in case you’re unaware, that’s the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency—the Feds, in other words. The Pentagon. There’s torture involved. And it seems that Joe’s mission is to convince them that there really aren’t any aliens around.
Of course, all this comes to light in the course of a roller-coaster tale full of twists and turns and surprises. It’s funny. But in the final analysis it’s hard to make much sense of what seems to be a statement about pornography.
Centuries of alien abductions
The conceit on which Cawdron builds his tale is straightforward. Extraterrestrials have, indeed, arrived on Earth, and in fact have been here for centuries. From time to time, it seems, there have been alien abductions. But the aliens hide behind the absurd reports of anal penetration and other silliness that no one with any sense could possibly believe. These reports, it would seem, constitute “Alien Space Tentacle Porn.” And Cawdron unaccountably writes as though the novel is about pornography in general, introducing the term in a “Synopsis” at the beginning and commenting on it at length in “About this book” at the end.
No tentacles on these aliens
But the story itself is suspenseful and amusing. Joe Connors wakes up in a 1950s hospital suffering from temporary amnesia. He is haunted by an image of a “naked man running through Central Park yelling something about alien space tentacles.” But it’s not the 1950s anymore. It’s the present day. Joe really has encountered aliens. And the aliens have human form, with no tentacles in sight, whatever their true nature might be. In fact, the two aliens he deals with, Sharon and Mark, appear to be perfectly normal, even attractive human beings.
Somehow, Joe’s unsolicited adventure with Mark and Sharon ends up capturing the attention of DARPA. Just in case you’re unaware, that’s the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency—the Feds, in other words. The Pentagon. There’s torture involved. And it seems that Joe’s mission is to convince them that there really aren’t any aliens around.
Of course, all this comes to light in the course of a roller-coaster tale full of twists and turns and surprises. It’s funny. But in the final analysis it’s hard to make much sense of what seems to be a statement about pornography.
April 13, 2023
This was Not It.
The title sounds fun, silly, and smutty. Of those three it certainly was silly. The rest.... I'm not so sure about.
I think my main gripe with it was how painfully cis-het male gaze-y it was. And weirdly enough, if it had been actually smutty, I would have been more fine with it? Instead there are page-long scenes about the alien, who of course is (in the body of?) a hot woman, undressing and demanding the main character slather her up in soap, with plenty of attention paid to how perfectly rounded she is and how great her breasts are. Complete with a random person int he corner giving cackling commentary about the situation, and the main character fondling her breasts for longer than necessary, or absolutely HAVING to touch her butt, even though he "tries his best not to". Not to mention the internal monologue about how now all his dreams have come true.
What the alien thinks about this is, naturally, never mentioned, and the protagonist certainly doesn't ask.
So that was certainly something.
But even without these instances, the plot was not my thing. It's about a human getting roped into helping aliens getting discovered by the authorities. The reasonings behind pretty much any decision (why the aliens are here, why he gets roped into it, why they (don't) trust him, why he trusts them - wait actually, that one is clear, because the one alien is a hot woman) are vague at best, and I just.... I don't know what else to say, I just found it silly and bizarre, and not in a good way. Even when the plot twists were interesting at face value, they just weren't interesting to me.
Overall a fail for me personally, and it doesn't quite hold up to what it promises.
Aliens? Sure, but they seem to look exactly like humans and we are left knowing pretty much nothing about them
Space? Minimal, the protagonist is mostly knocked out during these scenes.
Tentacles? None.
Porn? It seems to wish it was but didn't even halfway commit, instead coming off as creepy and weird.
The one thing I liked was the protagonist questioning is he is actually in love with the alien, or if he is just lusting after her because she's hot and doesn't adhere to human social norms and boundaries around nudity and touching.
The title sounds fun, silly, and smutty. Of those three it certainly was silly. The rest.... I'm not so sure about.
I think my main gripe with it was how painfully cis-het male gaze-y it was. And weirdly enough, if it had been actually smutty, I would have been more fine with it? Instead there are page-long scenes about the alien, who of course is (in the body of?) a hot woman, undressing and demanding the main character slather her up in soap, with plenty of attention paid to how perfectly rounded she is and how great her breasts are. Complete with a random person int he corner giving cackling commentary about the situation, and the main character fondling her breasts for longer than necessary, or absolutely HAVING to touch her butt, even though he "tries his best not to". Not to mention the internal monologue about how now all his dreams have come true.
What the alien thinks about this is, naturally, never mentioned, and the protagonist certainly doesn't ask.
So that was certainly something.
But even without these instances, the plot was not my thing. It's about a human getting roped into helping aliens getting discovered by the authorities. The reasonings behind pretty much any decision (why the aliens are here, why he gets roped into it, why they (don't) trust him, why he trusts them - wait actually, that one is clear, because the one alien is a hot woman) are vague at best, and I just.... I don't know what else to say, I just found it silly and bizarre, and not in a good way. Even when the plot twists were interesting at face value, they just weren't interesting to me.
Overall a fail for me personally, and it doesn't quite hold up to what it promises.
Aliens? Sure, but they seem to look exactly like humans and we are left knowing pretty much nothing about them
Space? Minimal, the protagonist is mostly knocked out during these scenes.
Tentacles? None.
Porn? It seems to wish it was but didn't even halfway commit, instead coming off as creepy and weird.
The one thing I liked was the protagonist questioning is he is actually in love with the alien, or if he is just lusting after her because she's hot and doesn't adhere to human social norms and boundaries around nudity and touching.
July 2, 2021
Peter Cawdron has written a number of books that deal with first contact, this is the second that I had read (the other being Xenophobia). This one is more humorous than Xenophobia, but both have a common message at their heart - humanity is likely to stuff up any first contact scenario, largely due to humans (and national governments) being influenced more by Independence Day than they are by Star Trek.
In this novella, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and wastes no opportunity to poke fun at the tropes of aliens on Earth genre. The humour here is not laugh out loud funny, at least I didn't find it so, but it is sharp, to the point of being acerbic in places.
This is not a book that everyone is going to enjoy - I expect the title will put off a number of people - but it has further enhanced my opinion of this author.
In this novella, the dialogue is sharp and witty, and wastes no opportunity to poke fun at the tropes of aliens on Earth genre. The humour here is not laugh out loud funny, at least I didn't find it so, but it is sharp, to the point of being acerbic in places.
This is not a book that everyone is going to enjoy - I expect the title will put off a number of people - but it has further enhanced my opinion of this author.
February 11, 2022
I had a preconception that I'd read just about every approach to first contact with aliens. I was wrong...very wrong.
Peter Cawdron's books on alien contact has proven to me over and over again that there probably isn't an end to the number of unique ways we interact with aliens, especially first contact. This book didn't have any high tech space ships, weapons or teleportation devices. Heck, there weren't any aliens with super powers. What WAS in the book was lots of thoughtful introspective concepts, dialog and character depth that made me seriously wonder if we are capable or even worthy of being introduced to a benevolent space faring race that wants nothing more than to help us help ourselves to be better people. And, by being better people we can--together--lift ourselves up and become a space faring world.
Read the book. I think that you'll enjoy it as much as I did.
Peter Cawdron's books on alien contact has proven to me over and over again that there probably isn't an end to the number of unique ways we interact with aliens, especially first contact. This book didn't have any high tech space ships, weapons or teleportation devices. Heck, there weren't any aliens with super powers. What WAS in the book was lots of thoughtful introspective concepts, dialog and character depth that made me seriously wonder if we are capable or even worthy of being introduced to a benevolent space faring race that wants nothing more than to help us help ourselves to be better people. And, by being better people we can--together--lift ourselves up and become a space faring world.
Read the book. I think that you'll enjoy it as much as I did.
November 30, 2021
So original and imaginative! Highly recommended
January 28, 2018
It start well; Quirky, funny, good pacing. Then its pandering to the stereotypical adolescent male gaze got ookey. Before long, it slid inelegantly down The Prime Directive's slippery slope into a plodding patch of preachiness. I stopped reading.
January 4, 2018
No Tentacles. No Porn. But, the Title Is Still Apt
If you ever doubted the value of browsing Kindle freebies and Kindleunlimited for gems, well, this wonderful book will restore your faith. This was an entertaining and worthy find, and I congratulate you for finding it.
If you are going to have an alien-nerd rom-com bemused adventure you need the right alien and the right nerdy everyman. Cawdron gets that part just right, and so everything else falls nicely into place. It's important that our nerdy everyman be in touch with the "hero within" because unrelenting nerdiness gets old fast. Here, our hero is confused and conflicted, but also smart, resourceful, observant and sometimes dropdead funny. This is a guy you can root for. The alien is, of course, a total babe, but Cawdron makes a big joke of that and moves beyond the babelicious jokes to sketch a remarkably appealing profile of an earnest alien contactor. The result is an especially engaging teaming up, with enough misunderstandings, pratfalls, and goofy action/suspense to keep the book screaming along.
The book starts at a frantic pace, with our hero waking up in a psych hospital and then descending into a confused and bizarre memory of impossible things. All of this is cleared up pretty quickly, and our plot gets nicely on track. MILD SPOILER. Basically, this is a First Contact story with a romantic/comedy element. Cawdron doesn't hide information or make the alien reveal a long drawn out affair. We get our hero, we get our alien, we do some space traveling, we avoid governmental types, we have adventures, we have some quiet moments, and we get a touching upbeat little romance.
There are a few "People of Earth, Hear Me!" speeches, but even that is done with a light touch that was upbeat rather then gummy or syrupy. There is a hilarious set piece in which our hero has to soap up the naked alien so she can sneak and slither somewhere, and our hero is so conflicted about whether his lustful feelings are good or bad or smutty or noble or something else that you just have to admire the author's ability to create such a nutty/thoughtful/decent/horny hero character. This is good stuff, and way beyond what I expected.
So, this is remarkably engaging, and very funny, with a consistently upbeat tone and a zippy pace. Just an excellent find. (Please note that I found this book a while ago while browsing Amazon Kindle freebies. I have no connection at all to either the author or the publisher of this book.)
If you ever doubted the value of browsing Kindle freebies and Kindleunlimited for gems, well, this wonderful book will restore your faith. This was an entertaining and worthy find, and I congratulate you for finding it.
If you are going to have an alien-nerd rom-com bemused adventure you need the right alien and the right nerdy everyman. Cawdron gets that part just right, and so everything else falls nicely into place. It's important that our nerdy everyman be in touch with the "hero within" because unrelenting nerdiness gets old fast. Here, our hero is confused and conflicted, but also smart, resourceful, observant and sometimes dropdead funny. This is a guy you can root for. The alien is, of course, a total babe, but Cawdron makes a big joke of that and moves beyond the babelicious jokes to sketch a remarkably appealing profile of an earnest alien contactor. The result is an especially engaging teaming up, with enough misunderstandings, pratfalls, and goofy action/suspense to keep the book screaming along.
The book starts at a frantic pace, with our hero waking up in a psych hospital and then descending into a confused and bizarre memory of impossible things. All of this is cleared up pretty quickly, and our plot gets nicely on track. MILD SPOILER. Basically, this is a First Contact story with a romantic/comedy element. Cawdron doesn't hide information or make the alien reveal a long drawn out affair. We get our hero, we get our alien, we do some space traveling, we avoid governmental types, we have adventures, we have some quiet moments, and we get a touching upbeat little romance.
There are a few "People of Earth, Hear Me!" speeches, but even that is done with a light touch that was upbeat rather then gummy or syrupy. There is a hilarious set piece in which our hero has to soap up the naked alien so she can sneak and slither somewhere, and our hero is so conflicted about whether his lustful feelings are good or bad or smutty or noble or something else that you just have to admire the author's ability to create such a nutty/thoughtful/decent/horny hero character. This is good stuff, and way beyond what I expected.
So, this is remarkably engaging, and very funny, with a consistently upbeat tone and a zippy pace. Just an excellent find. (Please note that I found this book a while ago while browsing Amazon Kindle freebies. I have no connection at all to either the author or the publisher of this book.)
February 6, 2018
Would've passed on this one because of the name, but jumped in because I enjoyed the two other Cawdron books I read.
This is a fun novella. Of course you do get that Tyson Neil DeGrasse/Carl Sagan/Bill Nye wannabe sciencier-than-thou soapboxing the author is apparently determined to be known for, but if you can hold your nose through that you're in for a good time.
The narration was excellent.
This is a fun novella. Of course you do get that Tyson Neil DeGrasse/Carl Sagan/Bill Nye wannabe sciencier-than-thou soapboxing the author is apparently determined to be known for, but if you can hold your nose through that you're in for a good time.
The narration was excellent.
March 1, 2021
This is the tenth Peter Cawdron book that I’ve read and with each one I am more and more impressed with his abilities. His imagination, characters, writing, plot lines, and scientific knowledge come through on every page.
I am currently working my way through Cawdron’s First Contact series. These books are all stand-alones with each looking at the topic of humanitie’s first contact with an alien species with completely different scenarios and perspectives. I continue to be amazed at the wide ranging ways he imagines how first contact will go.
As you might guess by the title, Alien Space Tentacle Porn is a playful jab at both first contact and pornography. I had no idea what to expect as the protagonist, Joe, wakes up in a hospital with no memory of how he got there. We soon learn that he was found running naked through Central Park in New York City yelling about aliens and space tentacles.
The action quickly picks up as his downstairs neighbors, Sharon and her brother Mark, take him on an adventure that gets more and more bizarre. Are they really aliens or just some crazies pulling him into their fantasy world?
Despite some suspense, shootings, and encounters with the police, the storyline quickly turns comical. Aluminum caps, duck tape, and banana telephones soon have you laughing at what seems like a Sci Fi farce. Only, at times the story gets deadly serious. One minute I was laughing out loud, then cringing, and then pondering the weight of what is being said.
On page seventy-eight, Sharon asks Joe, “If you had to pick one thing in the last thousand years that has had the most profound impact on your species, what would it be?” I’m not going to spoil it and give you the answer here but I will probably contemplate the importance of the answer for some time to come.
One of the things that I love most about Cawdron’s books are the afterwords. In these sections he fills you in on where the storyline came from and the science involved. For example, we learn that bananas are slightly radioactive and that Darwin forgot to note down which island each of his famous finches had come from. In Alien Space Tentacle Porn Cawdron includes five pages discussing the pros and cons of pornography and how it connects to our evolutionary desires for bigger, better, and more desirable.
Cawdron’s First Contact series is definitely one for those of you who enjoy hard science fiction. While you do not have to read them in order, I think doing so gives you some insight into not only the topic of first contact but Cawdron’s evolution as a writer. I’m off to read the next book in the series!
I am currently working my way through Cawdron’s First Contact series. These books are all stand-alones with each looking at the topic of humanitie’s first contact with an alien species with completely different scenarios and perspectives. I continue to be amazed at the wide ranging ways he imagines how first contact will go.
As you might guess by the title, Alien Space Tentacle Porn is a playful jab at both first contact and pornography. I had no idea what to expect as the protagonist, Joe, wakes up in a hospital with no memory of how he got there. We soon learn that he was found running naked through Central Park in New York City yelling about aliens and space tentacles.
The action quickly picks up as his downstairs neighbors, Sharon and her brother Mark, take him on an adventure that gets more and more bizarre. Are they really aliens or just some crazies pulling him into their fantasy world?
Despite some suspense, shootings, and encounters with the police, the storyline quickly turns comical. Aluminum caps, duck tape, and banana telephones soon have you laughing at what seems like a Sci Fi farce. Only, at times the story gets deadly serious. One minute I was laughing out loud, then cringing, and then pondering the weight of what is being said.
On page seventy-eight, Sharon asks Joe, “If you had to pick one thing in the last thousand years that has had the most profound impact on your species, what would it be?” I’m not going to spoil it and give you the answer here but I will probably contemplate the importance of the answer for some time to come.
One of the things that I love most about Cawdron’s books are the afterwords. In these sections he fills you in on where the storyline came from and the science involved. For example, we learn that bananas are slightly radioactive and that Darwin forgot to note down which island each of his famous finches had come from. In Alien Space Tentacle Porn Cawdron includes five pages discussing the pros and cons of pornography and how it connects to our evolutionary desires for bigger, better, and more desirable.
Cawdron’s First Contact series is definitely one for those of you who enjoy hard science fiction. While you do not have to read them in order, I think doing so gives you some insight into not only the topic of first contact but Cawdron’s evolution as a writer. I’m off to read the next book in the series!
August 30, 2022
More like a 2.5 but I'm feeling generous.
Firstly, I firmly believe a book should not need an explanation at the end of the novel to justify the claims made. This book needed to be explained and justified which shows that it failed in its intention. This doesn't mean that it was bad. Just that it did not succeed in its intention at all. Too much sex which was not effectively juxtaposed against the seriousness of the narrative. I know this was meant to be fun. But it wasn't particularly successful. It feel like an alien was needed to make a woman anything more than a object that is work sexual gratification. Amazing how that could be achieved by having a real woman doing the same things?
This was a massive disappointment. Maybe my biggest issue is that this book objectifies women and then uses 50 shades of grey to justify its means. When there are much more effective First contact novels that discuss similar issues without the unnecessary element of porn. Also genuinely 50 shades of grey is only being used as a justification because it was written by a women while most other pornography has been created by and contributed by men.
Overall, not terrible but the justification made it worse rather than better because it proved there was more depth possible but missing from the story.
I'm probably not the right reader for this book but then again I'm not sure I want to see who the right one is? Because I'm worried it is fans of AndrewTate that need a reality check.
Maybe I'll try another book in this series but I doubt it.
Firstly, I firmly believe a book should not need an explanation at the end of the novel to justify the claims made. This book needed to be explained and justified which shows that it failed in its intention. This doesn't mean that it was bad. Just that it did not succeed in its intention at all. Too much sex which was not effectively juxtaposed against the seriousness of the narrative. I know this was meant to be fun. But it wasn't particularly successful. It feel like an alien was needed to make a woman anything more than a object that is work sexual gratification. Amazing how that could be achieved by having a real woman doing the same things?
This was a massive disappointment. Maybe my biggest issue is that this book objectifies women and then uses 50 shades of grey to justify its means. When there are much more effective First contact novels that discuss similar issues without the unnecessary element of porn. Also genuinely 50 shades of grey is only being used as a justification because it was written by a women while most other pornography has been created by and contributed by men.
Overall, not terrible but the justification made it worse rather than better because it proved there was more depth possible but missing from the story.
I'm probably not the right reader for this book but then again I'm not sure I want to see who the right one is? Because I'm worried it is fans of AndrewTate that need a reality check.
Maybe I'll try another book in this series but I doubt it.
January 12, 2019
Intelligently crafted stories
Being an avid sci-fi reader I've come to associate hard sci-fi with bad character development, as opposed to 'soft' sci-fi with good character development. Not so for Peter Cawdron. He (seemingly) effortlessly builds and develops very real characters, blending them with a solid dose of scientific facts and spins it all in compelling plots that tend to challenge the common assumption about a given subject in a very refreshing style.
Reading anything from Peter Cawdron is almost a guarantee, for a very solid, enjoyable read. Cawdron is like the Freddie Mercury of writing, his repertoire is broad and he appears equally at home, whether the subject being space, aliens, zombies, crime, love or humor.
It's clear from reading Cawdron's work, that he genuinely loves science. He seems to suck up new concepts and ideas like a Dyson, and isn't afraid to venture into quite a bit of research to come up with plausible and enjoyable new takes on almost any subject. On top of that the majority of his plots reveals a very reflected approach to all things about being human in different society structures, as well as to the risks/rewards of several technological and behavioral trends we face both as individuals and as a (human) race.
One notable feature of Cawdron's artfully crafted books, is, that there's no common denominator in plot development, or at least none I recognize. Some authors seems to build their plots from a template, that after three or four books, makes you sigh 'here we go again, boriiiing...', right before terminating your reader relationship. The unpredictable plot structure of Cawdron's worth, even after having read about fifteen of his books, deserves high praise.
Cawdron has easily joined the exclusive club of my all time favorite authors, being in good company with people such as Alastair Reynolds, Ramez Naam, Iain Banks, Cixin Liu, Richard Morgan, JRR Tolkien, Neal Stephenson, Ann Leckie, and several others.
Being an avid sci-fi reader I've come to associate hard sci-fi with bad character development, as opposed to 'soft' sci-fi with good character development. Not so for Peter Cawdron. He (seemingly) effortlessly builds and develops very real characters, blending them with a solid dose of scientific facts and spins it all in compelling plots that tend to challenge the common assumption about a given subject in a very refreshing style.
Reading anything from Peter Cawdron is almost a guarantee, for a very solid, enjoyable read. Cawdron is like the Freddie Mercury of writing, his repertoire is broad and he appears equally at home, whether the subject being space, aliens, zombies, crime, love or humor.
It's clear from reading Cawdron's work, that he genuinely loves science. He seems to suck up new concepts and ideas like a Dyson, and isn't afraid to venture into quite a bit of research to come up with plausible and enjoyable new takes on almost any subject. On top of that the majority of his plots reveals a very reflected approach to all things about being human in different society structures, as well as to the risks/rewards of several technological and behavioral trends we face both as individuals and as a (human) race.
One notable feature of Cawdron's artfully crafted books, is, that there's no common denominator in plot development, or at least none I recognize. Some authors seems to build their plots from a template, that after three or four books, makes you sigh 'here we go again, boriiiing...', right before terminating your reader relationship. The unpredictable plot structure of Cawdron's worth, even after having read about fifteen of his books, deserves high praise.
Cawdron has easily joined the exclusive club of my all time favorite authors, being in good company with people such as Alastair Reynolds, Ramez Naam, Iain Banks, Cixin Liu, Richard Morgan, JRR Tolkien, Neal Stephenson, Ann Leckie, and several others.
March 20, 2025
I give this novel a 4.5 rating. This is a funny book about serious stuff, as well as an examination of the purpose and function of pornography in civilization (in the epilogue). This is not really about space porn (sorry) or even tentacles, but more about the expectations humans have about alien life and why contact with advanced alien life will most likely be sort of a let down. We see a trend of projecting our most extreme human traits (violence) onto possible alien life. Of course any alien with the technology and science sufficient to make long interstellar travel must be seeking our earthly resources (which would be just as available from asteriods or moons closer and more numerous than Earth-like planets). Of course they come to kill us because we are either a threat or a nuisance, but never just boring enough to leave alone to bumble along trying to avoid planetary war and destruction through environmental damage to ourselves. We assume they mean to wipe us out. And our military loves that idea as it justifies their existence and takes them away from killing our own species for 5 minutes. What if they just want to watch us, occasionally give us a nudge in the right direction, and see if we ever grow up? Ponder that for a while.
November 2, 2017
A SIMPLE MAN'S REVIEW:
Funny? Check. Aliens? Check. Impactful message? Check. Porn? Eh, not quite. Maybe porn-adjacent?
This is a first-contact story for one man - or is it all just in his head? The story is a quick, fun read that will make you think about how easily aliens could show up and you'd never even know it. There isn't much along the "sci" half of sci-fi but the "fi" highlights the bewildering effects of first contact on an unsuspecting individual.
The story, itself, would be four stars just for the entertainment value alone. But the message of the story pushes it to five stars. In all the books I've read about aliens, this is the first story to push this particular issue, and it couldn't be more relevant than right now. It will make you think.
And as for the porn? It's really just a thoughtful discussion about porn, although, I guess there is a bit of nudity. But c'mon, it's just a naked alien!
Read it!
Funny? Check. Aliens? Check. Impactful message? Check. Porn? Eh, not quite. Maybe porn-adjacent?
This is a first-contact story for one man - or is it all just in his head? The story is a quick, fun read that will make you think about how easily aliens could show up and you'd never even know it. There isn't much along the "sci" half of sci-fi but the "fi" highlights the bewildering effects of first contact on an unsuspecting individual.
The story, itself, would be four stars just for the entertainment value alone. But the message of the story pushes it to five stars. In all the books I've read about aliens, this is the first story to push this particular issue, and it couldn't be more relevant than right now. It will make you think.
And as for the porn? It's really just a thoughtful discussion about porn, although, I guess there is a bit of nudity. But c'mon, it's just a naked alien!
Read it!
January 24, 2023
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: MacLeod Andrews
I really wanted to enjoy this, and I did, to start with. However, the more it went on, the more ludicrous it became. I get that it's fantasy, and have no issue with this genre, it was the main character and his "all in" attitude towards the main female alien. That irked me, and was niggling away whilst I listened to this book, however the more I listened, the more the author was preaching, and while I agree with most of what he had to say, I didn't enjoy having it forced down my throat.
The best part was the factoids at the end. No nonsense facts around things which had been quoted within the story. Interesting.
Narrator: MacLeod Andrews
I really wanted to enjoy this, and I did, to start with. However, the more it went on, the more ludicrous it became. I get that it's fantasy, and have no issue with this genre, it was the main character and his "all in" attitude towards the main female alien. That irked me, and was niggling away whilst I listened to this book, however the more I listened, the more the author was preaching, and while I agree with most of what he had to say, I didn't enjoy having it forced down my throat.
The best part was the factoids at the end. No nonsense facts around things which had been quoted within the story. Interesting.
February 7, 2018
This is an amazingly entertaining read. Although the title is very provocative it really does match the story. It is a hilarious look at how first contact with aliens could occur. Also portrays aliens in a humorous ways. I think this would have been a great series. The story could have followed Joe on his adventures with Sharon and Mark. I picked up this story just cause i needed to read something but the title kind of made me hesitant to read. I need to find the Alien Chronicles that was mentioned in this book.
July 3, 2023
A guy wakes up in a psychiatric unit. Mark is shot dead and put on ice. (A play on 'icing' someone?) Then there's two space aliens who are working on social change.
Then the female alien, Sharon, becomes involved in an effort to steal a body. Then we find out she's a clone of a dead girl.Then there's a great quote: 'War is the failure of reason.'
Their adventures continue, including a serious discussion about the poor.
It's kind of a strange story but it does remain interesting throughout.
Then the female alien, Sharon, becomes involved in an effort to steal a body. Then we find out she's a clone of a dead girl.Then there's a great quote: 'War is the failure of reason.'
Their adventures continue, including a serious discussion about the poor.
It's kind of a strange story but it does remain interesting throughout.
March 6, 2018
A funny, easy-to-read, short book, which a surprisingly serious message. I didn't like the way the many different situations/scenarios are presented without a logic connection between them - the characters simply disappear from a scene and appear at the middle of another one in the following chapter. There's no connection between the initial scene and the long flashback that succeeds it (the main part of the book). Anyway, it's a much better book than the stupid title suggests!
March 19, 2018
As many other reviewers has stated the title is a bit misleading but also quite suitable as well. If I were to give this a MPAA rating it may be PG-13 at most even a PG if it were for couple of scenes which are more for comedy than titillation.
Funny and somewhat thought provoking novel about a guy who accidentally finds out that aliens have been living among us for some time subtly directing historical events.
Funny and somewhat thought provoking novel about a guy who accidentally finds out that aliens have been living among us for some time subtly directing historical events.
October 31, 2018
Got given a copy of Alien Space tentacle porn by a mate the other day. I wasn't familiar with you as an author. The junkie in the jail scene had me in stitches. I'm pretty jaded and cynical so that's not an easy thing to accomplish. Loved the book. A great balance of science, philosophy and pace, combined with just the right amount of well-timed and executed wry comedy.
A refreshingly fun read and has given me the impetus to buy more Peter Cawdron books.
Thanks, I needed that.
A refreshingly fun read and has given me the impetus to buy more Peter Cawdron books.
Thanks, I needed that.
April 28, 2020
4.5 rounded up. Can be read in a day or two.
Fun. Fast. Entertaining. Keeps you guessing. Classic Cawdron. Doesn't take itself too seriously.
Unfortunately the title will probably dissuade folks from reading it even though it has nothing to do with it. Further, there were a few very random injections regarding social commentary on porn that came out of left field... was a bit off putting and didn't fit the story, but did not affect anything.
Fun. Fast. Entertaining. Keeps you guessing. Classic Cawdron. Doesn't take itself too seriously.
Unfortunately the title will probably dissuade folks from reading it even though it has nothing to do with it. Further, there were a few very random injections regarding social commentary on porn that came out of left field... was a bit off putting and didn't fit the story, but did not affect anything.
April 30, 2022
Enjoyable reading, brightens my covid fogged day
I love Cawdron’s books! His characters are relatable and seem real. People you would like to know, maybe work with. His science is hard and often cutting edge or at least at the Scientific American stage. Sometimes his plots seem inevitable but there’s always a development you didn’t anticipate. And then there’s a satisfactory ending, no hanging threads.
I love Cawdron’s books! His characters are relatable and seem real. People you would like to know, maybe work with. His science is hard and often cutting edge or at least at the Scientific American stage. Sometimes his plots seem inevitable but there’s always a development you didn’t anticipate. And then there’s a satisfactory ending, no hanging threads.
November 29, 2022
Not 4 m3
I went into this book intrigued by the title. I did not finish this book because the situations had zero cohesion. When you think, ahh, we're going to get answers we get preached to about how shi++y humanity is and most of the author's books touch on this but it's not just pounded and appears to be the only reason for the book. This is the first book of this author that I hated. Won't stop me from trying other works if his.
I went into this book intrigued by the title. I did not finish this book because the situations had zero cohesion. When you think, ahh, we're going to get answers we get preached to about how shi++y humanity is and most of the author's books touch on this but it's not just pounded and appears to be the only reason for the book. This is the first book of this author that I hated. Won't stop me from trying other works if his.
June 20, 2024
Hilarious, with a heavy point!
So, what do you get when you finally dive into Peter Cawdron’s first contact series? Nothing like you’d ever expect, and nothing like you have seen before. Each is a master class in its own right, but the series is something else again. Take this book for instance. I won’t give anything away, but read it for yourself and you will understand. Take a chance, read it ;)
So, what do you get when you finally dive into Peter Cawdron’s first contact series? Nothing like you’d ever expect, and nothing like you have seen before. Each is a master class in its own right, but the series is something else again. Take this book for instance. I won’t give anything away, but read it for yourself and you will understand. Take a chance, read it ;)
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