You Are a Complete Disappointment: A Triumphant Memoir of Failed Expectations

by Mike Edison

“You are a complete disappointment.” On his deathbed, Mike Edison’s father gasped those words to his son—and that was just the beginning of his devastating salvo. For anyone who has ever suffered from parental bullying, this often-hilarious yet intensely heartbreaking memoir from the former High Times publisher will provide both solace and laughter. It begins with a child’s hunger for love and acceptance and continues through years of withering criticism, perverse expectations, and unfounded competition from a narcissistic father who couldn’t tolerate his son’s happiness and libertine spirit. In the end, the author unravels a relationship that could never be fixed—but perhaps didn’t need to be. In the spirit of Augusten Burroughs by way of Jeannette Walls, Edison’s memoir is a candid, devastating, and deeply funny read.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Autobiography

256 pages, Hardcover

First published May 3, 2016

About the author

MIKE EDISON is genuine rock’n’roll renaissance man. He is the former editor and publisher of famed cannabis magazine High Times, and was the editor-in-chief of the courageously irresponsible Screw. He is the author of 28 “adult” novels, and an internationally known musician who spent much of the 1980s and 90s seeing the world from behind a drum set, opening for bands as diverse as Sonic Youth, Sound Garden, and the Ramones. He has written extensive liner notes for, among others, Iggy Pop, and the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, and has contributed to numerous magazines and websites, including Huffington Post, the Daily Beast, the New York Observer, Spin (writing about the Rolling Stones), Interview, and New York Press, for which he covered classical music and professional wrestling.

His books have included the highly-praised memoirs I Have Fun Everywhere I Go and You Are A Complete Disappointment, as well as the sprawling social history of sex on the newsstand, Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!, written during his time as a writer-in-residence at the New York Public Library. He also writes prolifically about food and wine, notably collaborating with restaurateur and viniculturist Joe Bastianich on his New York Times bestselling memoir, Restaurant Man, of which writer Bret Easton Ellis has said, “The directness and energy have a cinematic rush . . . not a single boring sentence.”

His most recent book is Sympathy for the Drummer – Why Charlie Watts Matters, a rawkus appreciation of the Rolling Stones drummer.

Edison can frequently be seen with his long-running blues, gospel, and garage-punk experiment The Edison Rocket Train, and he speaks frequently on free speech, sex, drugs, and the American counterculture. He is “proof positive that one can be both edgy and erudite, lowbrow and literate, and take joy in the unbridled pleasures of the id without sacrificing the higher mind.” (PopMatters.com)

Edison lives and works in Brooklyn, NY. Please visit him at www.mikeedison.com

Reviews

[Bob Schnell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Advanced Reading Copy review Due to be published May 2016

Gentleman rogue Mike Edison expands on his previous memoir "I Have Fun Everywhere I Go" by delving into a bit of gestalt therapy. The book title "You Are a Complete Disappointment" came from the final, deathbed words Edison's father spoke to him. What follows is an examination of the author's life as his family saw him and how he has been able to rise above the the toxicity of their abundant disapproval of the choices he made and the person he became. It is sad, appalling, many degrees of funny and ultimately, as the subtitle declares, triumphant.

Highlights include; a chapter on his mother and the one time he was able to make her happy, dealing with a bully in junior high, his discovery of the joys of classical music and "the Great Meatball Pizza Incident." The chapter I returned to though is an examination of the Silent Generation (his parents) versus the Baby Boomers. (Slight quibble, no mention is made of Generation Jones which better describes those born from 1954-1965.) That chapter really struck home with me, as it should with anyone who can remember when they viscerally felt themselves forging their own identity and growing apart from their parents. Though all of this ground has been covered before, Mike Edison makes it fresh, thoughtful and entertaining.

Central to the story is the pro-wrestling concept of "kayfabe" (keeping up an illusion, not breaking character) and being part of a status-driven Jewish family in predominantly gentile, blue collar Northern New Jersey. When the walls come down and facades clash the result is a battle of wills between father and son with no real winners. Mike Edison guides us through the inevitable skirmishes with wit and empathetic hindsight. Anyone who grew up idealistically opposed to their parents will be able to identify.

Even if you never read "I Have Fun.." I recommend this. Especially to fans of Howard Stern (and his parents), Woody Allen, Anthony Bourdain and the TV show Freaks & Geeks. And it is a must-read if you grew up around New Jersey in the 1970s and 1980s and remember when NYC was a filthy yet magical place where your parents wanted you to visit but not stay.

[Peter Landau · Rating 5 out of 5]

As abuses of power go, parenting can be one of the more malignant. There are few checks and balances. Parents at best are benign dictators. Mike Edison’s folks didn’t farm a killing field with their three children, but then the dead don't tell tales. Edison spins a fine yarn here in his trademark hyperkinetic prose, a voice that sounds frantic, as if fighting to get its punchlines out before getting shut down, a tendency which his relationship with his father may explain.

The title, YOU ARE A COMPLETE DISAPPOINTMENT, is taken from the last words Edison’s father spoke to him from his deathbed. He was a man who toiled the straight and narrow and was aghast when his firstborn son chose to throw a curve into the game plan. That doesn’t excuse his relentless chopping down his son’s cherry tree and lying to himself about the reason he did it.

Eventually, Edison finds closure after the open wound of his father’s parting jab, but not before regaling the reader with the hilariously hedonistic pleasures of good pizza and stoned Bowie, among other entertainments. He’s a good raconteur and his father should have been proud of his zeal and wrestlemania symbolism. Parenting is a hard job and maybe Edison elder didn’t put his back into it, but he must have done something right to produce his gifted progeny.

[Marti · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of the author's attempt to forgive and purge years of emotional abuse from a high-achieving, Ivy League, social climbing father for whom nothing was good enough and who, on his death bed, made a point of re-iterating that he thought his son was a "loser." The reason for this pronouncement was that, unlike his brothers who got good corporate jobs and moved to the suburbs, Edison played in punk bands, wrote pulp pornography and served as editor in chief of both a Pro Wrestling magazine and High Times. While that might upset a lot of parents, Edison's father sounds like a true sociopath in that everyone but his son and his wife (Edison's mother) saw the man as perfectly charming (see "The Great Meatball Pizza Incident").

Aside from that, it reads almost like a serious documentary about my life. After all, the author spent part of his childhood in Boston and later in the New York area during the same approximate time periods, which result in a lot of shared memories in the pop cultural arena (after all everyone remembers "Wacky Packs" and awful books like Jonathan Livingston Seagull and I'm OK, You're OK -- the precursors to Who Moved My Cheese).

For instance, Edison recalls that his father used to love the British miniseries, Tom Brown's School Days, based on a novel by the same name. The setting is an aristocratic boarding school like Eton where upper-classmen are encouraged to torture the younger boys as a rite of passage. My father thought that show was funny, and I remember the same scene where Tom is strapped in front of a burning fireplace until he passes out. Edison wonders whether his father identifies with Flashman (the charismatic Sadist) or Tom. In the case of my father, I think he just thought the entire upper-class school system built character. After all, when Tom got older, he would be entitled to do the torturing.

Although labeling everyone born within a 20 year period is somewhat ludicrous, the "Silent Generation" does seem to have more than a few characteristics in common (with some notable exceptions like Bob Dylan, Hunter S. Thompson, Gloria Steinem etc.). An overwhelming sense of duty and need to conform are just two of the main ingredients for success according to them (and after just finishing an oral history of the Great Depression it's easy to see why money and status were important to them). However, this created problems for members of the late-Boomers (those born in the early '60's who missed most of the party). For instance, after rigid school dress codes were abolished, wearing jeans to school resulted in a daily battle of the wills because it would reflect badly on a parent if their child dressed like a "hobo." (This was also a time when a lot of parents believed an urban legend about a stoned babysitter who roasted an infant alive, mistaking it for a turkey.)

Like me, the author cites the Sex Pistols first U.S. visit, in mockery of the Beatles' arrival at JFK, as a turning point. It was so massively publicized and unavoidable that even my dad thought the whole thing was kind of funny (especially their names Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten). However, the network news never actually let viewers hear more than a snippet of the songs buried in the background. I wish I could say I latched onto it right away, but I thought it was just more hype -- like the Bay City Rollers who were also touted as "the new Beatles." What confirmed this impression was seeing a "Punk" T-shirt on a department store mannequin at Macy's in White Plains.

Needless to say, I revised my opinion after I actually heard Nevermind the Bollocks. I mention all this because if the aforementioned in any way resembles your life, you will enjoy this book.

[aya · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Instead of holding a grudge, I finally came around and just said, 'What's the fucking point?'. After everything, it was that simple. I want to be happy, and so I am. It takes some work, but there you have it."

I'm going to be honest. I read this book to find a justification of all the rage and grudge inside of me.
I wanted to know that someone also knows what it feels like to be in my place, to feel extremely angry and tired for feeling so, but at the same time can't quite forgive yet.
Mike Edison and his book gave me exactly what I wanted.
Edison experienced a pretty rough childhood. He stored all this rage inside of him and couldn't make peace with his feelings.
He was able to move on from his past only in his forties, after going to therapist and reflecting stuffs while writing this book.
Here's what makes this book different;
A lot of other books dealing with rage, injustice, pain, and grudge always tell you on 'the importance of forgiving'. However, forgiving is not a work of one party.
It's easier to forgive someone who acknowledges their mistakes.
So if you ever wondered why is it so hard to forgive someone who hurt you, don't blame yourself and think that you are the bad one. Perhaps you can't forgive them yet simply because they refuse to acknowledge their mistakes, to acknowledge that they have hurt you.

[L]

Hilarious. Sad because the author's father was so mean, but mostly hilarious.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title of Mike Edison's memoir was lobbed from his dying dad's mouth. In fact, it's the last sentence the senior Edison ever utters to this author, whose most recent memoir can be described as both a long lament about his abusive childhood and an exorcism of its bad influence. Edison punctuates his Bildungsroman with transcripts of frank exchanges from sessions with his leggy therapist, who's crucial in the author's consciousness raising in that she explicitly frames the senior Edison as the central abuser in the author's life of "failed expectations." The ways in which Edison continually "failed" his father is relayed in boldly told anecdote after anecdote from his '70s-era childhood. (The fact that I'm exactly four days older than Edison made reading his references to the pop cultural detritus of that era--from Wacky Packs to an televised imploding Nixon--sheer pleasure.) It's also clear--to swipe a keyword from the subtitle--that Edison triumphs. Liberally referencing his first memoir, I Have Fun Everywhere I Go, Edison takes us into his nascent adulthood and his career as a professional writer in all its forms (in spite of or because of twice truncating college). Indeed, Edison's gainful employment often teems with wine, women, song--or sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, (with classical shoehorned in)--in stark and exuberant contrast to the parsimony wholly motivating his dad, and one his mother's forced to bear (until their marriage implodes like an atomic fireball--an operative metaphor here). At times, Edison's lament feels needlessly protracted, but the lively, adroit prose can bear it. All told, this book's a worthy, page-turning addition to what I'm positing as a canon of repressed-Jewish-son-from-New Jersey narratives, a la Roth's Portnoy's Complaint and Ginsberg's Howl.

[Kressel Housman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mike Edison is the former publisher of High Times magazine as well as a writer of pornography, so unsurprisingly, I never heard of him until now. I picked up his book based on the title alone. I expected it to be the complaint of one or both of his parents, but on the very first page, he tells you that it’s more than that. It was among his father’s last words to him from his deathbed, which, though shocking, is also kind of funny. That sums up the tone of this book. It’s dark humor. But since the tone is conversational, it goes by like a breeze.

Mike’s family were suburban Jews so eager to shed their Jewishness, they embraced all things Waspy, wealthy, and conventional. I’ve known plenty of Jews like that, but I’ve never met one quite as extreme as Mike’s father. I can see why he objected to Mike’s career - a porn writer? -but I was sympathetic to Mike throughout. His father sounds like a total bully, and I can respect someone who lives on their own terms.

Right before reading this book, I read one about the emotional toll of writing a grief memoir. Most of the authors featured in it were coming from a place of sadness. This is a grief memoir coming from a place of anger. But Mike does his best to forgive, and that’s admirable. So if you’re open-minded enough to look past Mike’s more hedonistic choices, you might identify with his struggle and even learn from his example. Forgiveness is a challenge for everybody.

A gut gebentched yohr.

[Bob Andelman · Rating 5 out of 5]

In his third and – I suspect – not last memoir, You Are A Complete Disappointment: A Triumphant Memoir of Failed Expectations, we learn how much childhood and adult grief Edison has overcome in his life at the hands of a disinterested mother and a criminally, emotionally abusive father.

The title comes from the last statement the senior Edison said on his deathbed, in Arizona, to his son.

The good news is that the man is no longer walking the earth.

The bad news, as Edison writes on page 117, is that he is still only a phone call away:

… the fact that, years later, his voice is still on the outgoing voice-mail message on my step-mother’s house phone does strike me as somewhat ghoulish. I can imagine it must be traumatic to erase it, but imagine how people feel hearing it? When I want to call his wife to check in – and I do – I always call her cell phone. I can’t handle the old man telling me to leave a message – or do anything, for that matter – from beyond the grave.

You can watch my video interview with Mike Edison here:
http://mrmedia.com/2016/05/mike-ediso...

[Rachel Bayles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great stuff. Who knew? Eye-opening. Read it in one sitting.

[Adam Bricker · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first 15-20 pages were way too close to home, but then it turns into a humorous look at expectations, forgiveness and what different people consider priorities.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

at the risk of piling on, I found the book a bit of a disappointment as well. Title is taken from his father's dying words to him, and indeed it's a howitzer of a "my Dad was mean and didn't get me" anecdote.

I kept reading in the belief that the story would move on from there, but not really. To be fair, he is quick-witted and verbal, makes some lucid observations about growing up in the 70's [he's just a couple years younger than I am, and his "you probably don't remember" the No Nukes concert movie (p. 148) is FALSE as it pertains to me], and taught me a new word ["kayfabe", which he uses a lot -- pro wrestling lingo meaning to present staged performances as real]. And his parents do sound awful and heavily biased toward his younger twin brothers, dismissive of author's unconventional career and life.

Balanced against that........238 pages of a middle-aged guy reminiscing about his parents' being self-centered and difficult and unfair got to be a slog for me as a reader.

[Erin W · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't know anything about Mike Edison before picking up this book, but I thought his story might be interesting. Mike Edison's father's last words to him were "you are a complete disappointment". What a way to top off a lifetime of neglect from a father who was never satisfied with him. Unfortunately, the commentary on family and his childhood neglect were lost in all of his pop culture references, trademark symbols, and borderline obsession with sex. I was anticipating some introspection or something deeper, but he barely scraped the surface.

[Amelia Lee-Hammat · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a great book for anyone who doesn't get along with their parents because their parents are tools, however the author also is a bit of a tool. Whether or not you enjoy this book depends largely on how tolerant you are of people who find not specifying a particular brand of vodka for your vodka soda a "deal-breaker" on a date.

[Xavier Custodio · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was so boring. His life wasn’t fair by any standards and it’s nice to see how much he’s accomplished but the dialogue was just so dull and repetitive. I kept reading to find any meaningful lessons I could learn and to really understand how the author grabbed to the readers, but I wound up getting bored very easily and struggled to read through each chapter.

[Shelley · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a quick, easy read, but it would have been better as a short story.

[Dawn Sober · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent. Surprisingly deep, reflective and spiritual with a splattering of pop culture.

[Dan Sich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent memoir describing what it's like to be the child of a narcissist.

[Steve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great, quick read. His Dad sounds like he was an awful person.

[Kerstin Lampert · Rating 3 out of 5]

All along, I'm asking myself....why didn't he get his brother's involved in changing his father's opinion of him?

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

the first i book i read from him and i loooove it. am looking forward to more!

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came away with the feeling that this book was mainly about forgiveness. Pretty straightforward. It’s a bit different when it’s about forgiving your family. It can be lonely feeling like the black sheep of the group, even when every member of that same family might believe they’re the outcast. Growing up is a selfish experience in that all we really know, is what we personally know.

Edison was trying to find a reason behind why his parents were they way they were. His parents and brothers tried to make it seem like the reason lay with him – if he’d stayed in school, or gotten married, or been a different person everyone would have liked him. It doesn’t really need to be said that that sort of thinking is nonsense, but I’ll say it anyway. When people treat you like they don’t like you, the reason usually lies with them. You can forgive them for not ever trying to look past their own issues, but that’s all you can do.

As always, I enjoyed Edison’s stories. I knew when I read I Have Fun… I would probably always dig Edison as a person and a writer. I am sorry he experienced so much negativity from the people who should have offered him support, but I still think he came away from it with a good attitude about life. I always like to see that – being treated badly doesn’t always translate into becoming a bully, too.

[Yenta Knows · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am a reader for the JCCGW book fair; this means that I read advance copies of many books and recommend the best for inclusion in the book fair.

I didn't recommend this book for inclusion and didn't finish reading it.

Reading a memoir is like having a meal with the author. Mike is articulate and funny in an aggressive, rough edged, in your face sort of way. I might enjoy one short drink with him, but after 20 minutes he would be getting on my nerves. I would be making my excuses, and saying goodbye, and politely resisting any suggestion of a return engagement.

[Chris Douglass · Rating 5 out of 5]

i guess any book that manages to hold my interest enough that i finish it in a day deserves a 5 star review. my friend ted recommended this and i am not disappointed. usually, i find books about a dysfunctional family upbringing to be whiny and boring, but the ridiculous harshness of his father on his deathbed grabbed my attention immediately at the opening, and Mike's easy-going prose style never made me feel like i was his therapist.

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Has anyone been more verbally disrespected by a parent than Mike Edison? I am surprised that this man is walking around and functioning at any level at all. It's amazing what the human spirit can survive.

[Althea · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's a wonder that the author can function at all after his dreadful experience growing up with such a negative and hateful father. But he seems to have overcome this and appears to be reasonably happy and productive. Good for him.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Loved this! Edison gets his leg around his own tale of toxic parenting and wrestles it to the ground. Hardgoing yet SO HILARIOUS. Highly recommended. Get your own copy!

[Turi Becker · Rating 3 out of 5]

WHAT was with all the trademark signs? Drove me crazy. Kept waiting for some kind of callback or explanation...

[Becca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay. Could have used a better copy editor.

[Rob Smentek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mike Edison put on one of the greatest rock and roll shows I've ever seen. It was a Thursday night in Philly, and he and his band Edison Rocket Train just floored me with their minimalist blues punk. Plus, Edison was a hilarious frontman. After getting to know him a bit...and reading his first memoir ("I Have Fun Everywhere I Go"), I came to realize that Edison lives the life I always wanted. Punk musician, gonzo journalist, publisher of porn... he did it all. So, imagine my surprise when it turns out that Edison was a "complete disppointment" to his father.

Well, Pops Edison, it turns out, was a bit misguided and none too spectacular himself. At the very least, he was a poor judge of character. "You Are a Complete Disappoint" is a simultaneous hilarious and painful read of growing up underneath a cloud of intimidation from a parent. Where many writers might pursue a "woe is me" attitude, Edison's story is one of triumph.

[Ji Eun · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you come out of a dysfunctional home environment as a child growing up under an emotionally abusive and narcissistic father and an emotionally aloof mother, not so scathed? The stuff the authors father says to the author is downright unbelievable. The father is a miserable, pompous man who made the authors life miserable as he was growing up. I really appreciate mike edisons sense of humor, honesty, and resilience.