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Wholeheartedness: Busyness, Exhaustion, and Healing the Divided Self
I’m being pulled in a thousand different directions.
As a therapist, Chuck DeGroat hears that line all the time. “I hear it from students and software developers,” he says. “I hear it from spiritual leaders and coffee baristas. And I hear it from my own inner self.”
We all feel that nasty pull to and fro, the frantic busyness that exhausts us and threatens to undo us. And we all think we know the solution — more downtime, more relaxation, more rest. And we’re all wrong.
As DeGroat himself has discovered, the real solution to what pulls us apart is wholeheartedness , a way of living and being that can transform us from the inside out. And that’s what readers of this book will discover too.
As a therapist, Chuck DeGroat hears that line all the time. “I hear it from students and software developers,” he says. “I hear it from spiritual leaders and coffee baristas. And I hear it from my own inner self.”
We all feel that nasty pull to and fro, the frantic busyness that exhausts us and threatens to undo us. And we all think we know the solution — more downtime, more relaxation, more rest. And we’re all wrong.
As DeGroat himself has discovered, the real solution to what pulls us apart is wholeheartedness , a way of living and being that can transform us from the inside out. And that’s what readers of this book will discover too.
208 pages, Paperback
First published February 4, 2016
129 people are currently reading
657 people want to read
About the author
Chuck DeGroat
29 books95 followersChuck DeGroat is director of the counseling center at City Church in San Francisco, as well as academic dean of the Newbigin House of Studies. He also served as professor and director of spiritual formation at Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
June 23, 2022
“What I do is me, for that I came”
This book— absolutely incredible. The wisdom and healing that came from it was needed and timely. It has poetry, psychology, neuroscience, theology, and deep soul exercises to lead you back to a state of living wholeheartedly. Christ dwells in me, richly, and for that I am whole. Praise God ❤️
This book— absolutely incredible. The wisdom and healing that came from it was needed and timely. It has poetry, psychology, neuroscience, theology, and deep soul exercises to lead you back to a state of living wholeheartedly. Christ dwells in me, richly, and for that I am whole. Praise God ❤️
June 29, 2022
I started reading this with a group (slowly) and that fizzled out so I finished it on my own, so I think I would have a better overall synthesis of the book if I had read it all at once more quickly, BUT:
I really resonated with DeGroat's main idea that the solution to the problems of our exhaustion, busyness, distraction, etc is not more rest, but rather striving towards "wholeheartedness." He pulls from the Bible, modern psychology, and Christian theologians from various traditions (from Augustine to Calvin to Catholic mystics) to diagnose our fragmentation and exhaustion.
Using stories from his life as well as from his work as a therapist, DeGroat invites us to examine our own pasts/hurts/weaknesses, and to move from shame to self compassion, to "fall" into wholeness by acknowledging all of this and surrendering ourselves to God (become "poor in spirit"), rather than running after secondary desires or trying to prove ourselves and control our lives .
The last section of the book points to our ultimate wholeness being found in communion with God through Christ, with some practical application. This quote he cites from Augustine multiple times gets at one of the central themes: "God is more intimate to me than I am to myself."
I really resonated with DeGroat's main idea that the solution to the problems of our exhaustion, busyness, distraction, etc is not more rest, but rather striving towards "wholeheartedness." He pulls from the Bible, modern psychology, and Christian theologians from various traditions (from Augustine to Calvin to Catholic mystics) to diagnose our fragmentation and exhaustion.
Using stories from his life as well as from his work as a therapist, DeGroat invites us to examine our own pasts/hurts/weaknesses, and to move from shame to self compassion, to "fall" into wholeness by acknowledging all of this and surrendering ourselves to God (become "poor in spirit"), rather than running after secondary desires or trying to prove ourselves and control our lives .
The last section of the book points to our ultimate wholeness being found in communion with God through Christ, with some practical application. This quote he cites from Augustine multiple times gets at one of the central themes: "God is more intimate to me than I am to myself."
September 2, 2023
This is a good introduction to Internal Family Systems for lay people without a counseling background.
My main takeaway from the book is that the opposite of busyness or exhaustion is not rest but wholeheartedness. I’ll be chewing on this thought for a while.
My main takeaway from the book is that the opposite of busyness or exhaustion is not rest but wholeheartedness. I’ll be chewing on this thought for a while.
April 6, 2024
So life-changing actually. What if life didn't have to feel like a rollercoaster of exhaustion and catching up from that? A must-read for those tired of feeling always spent.
March 24, 2022
Man, I needed the words of this book in many ways.
What we need more than rest is wholeheartedness, a knowledge of our True Self.
Contemplation and reflection being key components here, both of which do not come easily for more.
Thankful Chuck wrote this.
What we need more than rest is wholeheartedness, a knowledge of our True Self.
Contemplation and reflection being key components here, both of which do not come easily for more.
Thankful Chuck wrote this.
December 17, 2020
Wholeheartedness: Busyness, Exhaustion, and Healing the Divided Self (2016) by Chuck DeGroat is the best non-fiction book I have read this year so far. (I have to say non-fiction because Andrew Peterson's Wingfeather Saga was also exceptionally good, but clearly different).
In Wholeheartedness, DeGroat explores how we too often live "divided" lives rather than the lives of wholeness we were created for. The typical Christian approach to the sense that something is not quite right is to do more and try harder all the while wondering what happened to the rest that Jesus promised. And we feel exhausted.
DeGroat takes a careful look at our dividedness, our failures, and our shame through the lenses of scriptural wisdom, psychology, neurobiology, and poetry to help us see, with greater clarity, God's shalom. On page 98, he wrote "those who are whole are ambassadors of God's shalom, of wholeness." In the final section of the book, he introduces us to how we might experience a growing wholeness. Here, I particularly appreciated his wisdom on union and communion.
Fans of such a broad range of authors such as Dan Siegel, Curt Thompson, Teresa of Avila, Gerard Manly Hopkins, Thomas Merton, and St Augustine will benefit deeply from this book. I have already eagerly recommended it to a patient along with Brene Brown's excellent Gift of Imperfection. Undoubtedly, this will be a book I will savor again and again.
In Wholeheartedness, DeGroat explores how we too often live "divided" lives rather than the lives of wholeness we were created for. The typical Christian approach to the sense that something is not quite right is to do more and try harder all the while wondering what happened to the rest that Jesus promised. And we feel exhausted.
DeGroat takes a careful look at our dividedness, our failures, and our shame through the lenses of scriptural wisdom, psychology, neurobiology, and poetry to help us see, with greater clarity, God's shalom. On page 98, he wrote "those who are whole are ambassadors of God's shalom, of wholeness." In the final section of the book, he introduces us to how we might experience a growing wholeness. Here, I particularly appreciated his wisdom on union and communion.
Fans of such a broad range of authors such as Dan Siegel, Curt Thompson, Teresa of Avila, Gerard Manly Hopkins, Thomas Merton, and St Augustine will benefit deeply from this book. I have already eagerly recommended it to a patient along with Brene Brown's excellent Gift of Imperfection. Undoubtedly, this will be a book I will savor again and again.
June 21, 2016
Healing the Divided Self
David Letterman described life as a late-night TV host with this reflection:
“Every night you’re trying to prove your self-worth. You want to be the absolute best, wittiest, smartest, most charming, best-smelling version of yourself. If I can make people enjoy the experience and have a higher regard for me when I’m finished, it makes me feel like an entire person. If I’ve come short of that, I’m not happy.”
To some degree, we all know that vulnerability, and we are well-versed in the ways of frantic effort and self-doubt. Regardless of income, profession, or educational level the pull toward frantic is an ever-present reality, exacerbated by scarcity of time. Chuck DeGroat examines the roots of busyness and exhaustion in Wholeheartedness, pondering why those of use who are among the most well-resourced in the world “feel dirt poor” when it comes to the resource of time. It turns out that the antidote to the epidemic of exhaustion is not simply more bodily rest, but rather a soul-ish rest that leads to wholeness.
Part One of Wholeheartedness examines the divided life in brutal detail along with its deep dissatisfaction, shame, and perfectionism. In his first book, Leaving Egypt, Chuck refers to a “Stockholm syndrome of the soul,” for our “mindless self-sabotage” of poor choices often perpetuates our fragmented and scattered condition. We avoid taking on the hard work of change that comes with a right response to our “Inner Critic” — the voice that keeps us in a perpetual state of not-enough. Shame is the fuel that powers perfectionism and stifles self-compassion. The wholehearted response to the voice of our Inner Critic is, in fact, to embrace our imperfections as a gateway to grace that heals and redeems the messy parts of our lives.
The Apostle Paul described his own feelings of un-wholeness in Romans 7, an intimate journal entry that invites me to embrace my own inadequacies and to receive the grace of God in exchange for my imperfection. Following an enlightening analysis of the neurobiology of wholeness, Chuck urges his readers to pay attention to what’s going on inside the amazing brains God has made, for mending our inner terrain will bring clarity to the big picture.
The poets have always known what the rest of us are just guessing at, and in Part Two of Wholeheartedness, Chuck has harnessed the strong words of poets like Mary Oliver and Gerard Manley Hopkins to light the path toward wholehearted living. Derek Walcott portrays steps toward wholeness as a homecoming, “a holy reunion with our deepest self,” in which you “greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome and say, sit here. Eat.”
It is in this way that Wholeheartedness distinguishes its offering of wisdom, for authentic living is not the same as a narcissistic rummaging around in our emotional entrails — nor is it a “live your best life” campaign that feeds my already well-fed selfishness. Instead, it is a road map that points out the obstacles to wholeness and then marks out carefully considered detours that resonate with Sermon on the Mount priorities and Pauline wisdom:
May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!
What a lovely juxtaposition: holiness and wholeness, and Chuck spends a considerable amount of thought in that place, reminding his readers that:
purity is about being put together again, being made whole. No wonder Jesus said that the pure of heart are blessed!
wholeness implies that the inner life matches the outer life.
God will do the purifying work through our brokenness, which is an unshackling from the “exhausting holiness project,” that starts out strong but ends up becoming an obstacle to wholeness over the long haul.
Part Three moves away from theory and into the practice of cultivating wholeness amid our scattered selves. The “trinity” of wholeness is awareness, story, and relationship, and through the use of questions, guided exercises, and observations from his counseling practice, Chuck encourages his readers to rejoice in the truth that God invites us to be curious about our emotions and our body cues. “What’s happening here?’ is a healthy question. The awareness that this fosters will spill over into the living and the telling of our story and the longed-for sense of wholeness that follows finds its way into a vulnerability and unselfishness that is foundational to healthy relationships.
Finally (and ironically), it is in a community of believers that one is most able to realize and express ones wholeness. C.S. Lewis observed:
“It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.”
What if we were to wake one morning to the realization that wholehearted living is a life of union — and also of unity? What if our churches, families, workplaces — all the sources of our division and fragmentation headaches — became the places where we began embracing our own brokenness and extending grace in response to that of others? And what if the promise is really true? What would happen if we really did release our burdens — the endless do-list from the Inner Critic, the searing brokenness from childhood hurts, and the crushing awareness of our inadequacies. What would happen if we really brought them to Jesus and found that, in doing so, we had come home to ourselves?
//
This book was provided by Eerdmans in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
David Letterman described life as a late-night TV host with this reflection:
“Every night you’re trying to prove your self-worth. You want to be the absolute best, wittiest, smartest, most charming, best-smelling version of yourself. If I can make people enjoy the experience and have a higher regard for me when I’m finished, it makes me feel like an entire person. If I’ve come short of that, I’m not happy.”
To some degree, we all know that vulnerability, and we are well-versed in the ways of frantic effort and self-doubt. Regardless of income, profession, or educational level the pull toward frantic is an ever-present reality, exacerbated by scarcity of time. Chuck DeGroat examines the roots of busyness and exhaustion in Wholeheartedness, pondering why those of use who are among the most well-resourced in the world “feel dirt poor” when it comes to the resource of time. It turns out that the antidote to the epidemic of exhaustion is not simply more bodily rest, but rather a soul-ish rest that leads to wholeness.
Part One of Wholeheartedness examines the divided life in brutal detail along with its deep dissatisfaction, shame, and perfectionism. In his first book, Leaving Egypt, Chuck refers to a “Stockholm syndrome of the soul,” for our “mindless self-sabotage” of poor choices often perpetuates our fragmented and scattered condition. We avoid taking on the hard work of change that comes with a right response to our “Inner Critic” — the voice that keeps us in a perpetual state of not-enough. Shame is the fuel that powers perfectionism and stifles self-compassion. The wholehearted response to the voice of our Inner Critic is, in fact, to embrace our imperfections as a gateway to grace that heals and redeems the messy parts of our lives.
The Apostle Paul described his own feelings of un-wholeness in Romans 7, an intimate journal entry that invites me to embrace my own inadequacies and to receive the grace of God in exchange for my imperfection. Following an enlightening analysis of the neurobiology of wholeness, Chuck urges his readers to pay attention to what’s going on inside the amazing brains God has made, for mending our inner terrain will bring clarity to the big picture.
The poets have always known what the rest of us are just guessing at, and in Part Two of Wholeheartedness, Chuck has harnessed the strong words of poets like Mary Oliver and Gerard Manley Hopkins to light the path toward wholehearted living. Derek Walcott portrays steps toward wholeness as a homecoming, “a holy reunion with our deepest self,” in which you “greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome and say, sit here. Eat.”
It is in this way that Wholeheartedness distinguishes its offering of wisdom, for authentic living is not the same as a narcissistic rummaging around in our emotional entrails — nor is it a “live your best life” campaign that feeds my already well-fed selfishness. Instead, it is a road map that points out the obstacles to wholeness and then marks out carefully considered detours that resonate with Sermon on the Mount priorities and Pauline wisdom:
May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!
What a lovely juxtaposition: holiness and wholeness, and Chuck spends a considerable amount of thought in that place, reminding his readers that:
purity is about being put together again, being made whole. No wonder Jesus said that the pure of heart are blessed!
wholeness implies that the inner life matches the outer life.
God will do the purifying work through our brokenness, which is an unshackling from the “exhausting holiness project,” that starts out strong but ends up becoming an obstacle to wholeness over the long haul.
Part Three moves away from theory and into the practice of cultivating wholeness amid our scattered selves. The “trinity” of wholeness is awareness, story, and relationship, and through the use of questions, guided exercises, and observations from his counseling practice, Chuck encourages his readers to rejoice in the truth that God invites us to be curious about our emotions and our body cues. “What’s happening here?’ is a healthy question. The awareness that this fosters will spill over into the living and the telling of our story and the longed-for sense of wholeness that follows finds its way into a vulnerability and unselfishness that is foundational to healthy relationships.
Finally (and ironically), it is in a community of believers that one is most able to realize and express ones wholeness. C.S. Lewis observed:
“It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.”
What if we were to wake one morning to the realization that wholehearted living is a life of union — and also of unity? What if our churches, families, workplaces — all the sources of our division and fragmentation headaches — became the places where we began embracing our own brokenness and extending grace in response to that of others? And what if the promise is really true? What would happen if we really did release our burdens — the endless do-list from the Inner Critic, the searing brokenness from childhood hurts, and the crushing awareness of our inadequacies. What would happen if we really brought them to Jesus and found that, in doing so, we had come home to ourselves?
//
This book was provided by Eerdmans in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
October 4, 2018
OK, so he can't quite escape a deep commitment to Christian hegemony and a not-quite-able-to-imagine God could be so loving and merciful as to accept human hearts that approach using other paths than the historical narrative of Jesus. (The most traumatic episode in his family of origins church life seems to be that their pastor became a rabbi, for example.) That's too bad.
But, that aside, this is a beautiful book with deep wisdom, compassion and concrete suggestions for how to approach a life lived within grace.
For that gift, a precious gift, I can do the work of a little code-switching as necessary.
But, that aside, this is a beautiful book with deep wisdom, compassion and concrete suggestions for how to approach a life lived within grace.
For that gift, a precious gift, I can do the work of a little code-switching as necessary.
January 23, 2022
I think this is the most impactful nonfiction book I have ever read. I read it at the right time, when I have become so weary of my obsessive perfectionism and soul-fragmenting coping strategies and long not just for rest, but wholeheartedness as he describes it. It challenged me and was hard to read at times, but ultimately felt deeply inviting. Paired with counseling and a course on (and regular practice of) contemplative prayer by the author, this book has truly been life changing.
January 15, 2023
We live in an age of chronic exhaustion. Even faith can be exhausting. Chuck DeGroat pulls the curtain back on this so that we can see what's going on by looking at brain science, family systems, and worldviews. He argues that we're living divided lives (which is why we feel pulled in so many directions), that this is exhausting, and that the solution is "wholeheartedness" - a heart that is whole, unified.
He writes, "Purity is about being put together again, being made whole, so that our inner life matches our outer life. As it turns out, it’s not about some exhausting holiness project; it’s about letting God do the purifying work through our brokenness, mourning, meekness, hunger and thirst, mercy, and more. It’s about surrendering our clean-up acts and allowing God to do the deep cleansing."
As a Christian, DeGroat grounds wholeness in the incarnation of the Son of God: Jesus. "Wholeheartedness is a participation in the life of God, of the only whole human being who has ever walked the earth — Jesus. Wholeness dwells in human beings by the Spirit of God, whose divine life pulsates within those who drink at the Well." It is our union with Christ that objectively makes us whole. It is our faith in Christ that makes this subjectively real. Faith=rest.
In the latter part of the book DeGroat spends much time talking about the value of IFS - "Internal Family Systems" - and the liturgical year in helping us overcome divided thought patterns and center on Christ. Both of these are helpful, and yet they're out of reach for most people. I believe strongly that following the Christian year is one of the most valuable and fruitful corporate tools for spiritual formation in Christlikeness. And yet to find this, those in "low" evangelical churches would need to change churches. Perhaps its beyond the scope of the book, but many pastors need to be given advice on how to follow the Christian year within a low church culture.
He writes, "Purity is about being put together again, being made whole, so that our inner life matches our outer life. As it turns out, it’s not about some exhausting holiness project; it’s about letting God do the purifying work through our brokenness, mourning, meekness, hunger and thirst, mercy, and more. It’s about surrendering our clean-up acts and allowing God to do the deep cleansing."
As a Christian, DeGroat grounds wholeness in the incarnation of the Son of God: Jesus. "Wholeheartedness is a participation in the life of God, of the only whole human being who has ever walked the earth — Jesus. Wholeness dwells in human beings by the Spirit of God, whose divine life pulsates within those who drink at the Well." It is our union with Christ that objectively makes us whole. It is our faith in Christ that makes this subjectively real. Faith=rest.
In the latter part of the book DeGroat spends much time talking about the value of IFS - "Internal Family Systems" - and the liturgical year in helping us overcome divided thought patterns and center on Christ. Both of these are helpful, and yet they're out of reach for most people. I believe strongly that following the Christian year is one of the most valuable and fruitful corporate tools for spiritual formation in Christlikeness. And yet to find this, those in "low" evangelical churches would need to change churches. Perhaps its beyond the scope of the book, but many pastors need to be given advice on how to follow the Christian year within a low church culture.
June 18, 2021
So good, breaks down how childhood trauma affects everyone today and helps the reader to understand there trauma to to find there inner self. highly recommend
May 24, 2016
Source: Free copy from Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.
Part 1: Diagnosing Our UnWholeness
1. Feeling Pulled in a Thousand Different Directions
2. Perfecting Ourselves to Death-and Learning to Embrace Imperfection
3. Using Our Brains: The Neurobiology of Wholeness
Part 2: Awakening To Wholeness
4. Awakening to Our Lives: A Poetric Invitation
5. Becoming Holy without Becoming Exhausted
6. Understanding Our Whole Story
Part 3: Experiencing Wholeness
7. Returning to Our Core, Recovering Our True Self
8. Cultivating Wholeness amid Our Scattered Selves
9. Embracing Sweet Communion
My Thoughts:
Parts 1 and 2 explain what wholeness means and how as a Christian we can experience this in Christ Jesus.
In Part 1, perfectionism, shame, exhaustion, and a critical attitude are strong factors in not being a whole person.
In Part 2, Christians in history are examined. Those who have modeled "Wholehearted living for us." These people are Quaker Thomas Kelly, Jesuit Priest Gerard Manley Hopkins, and poet Derek Walcott.
Chapter 5 teaches us we need "major heart surgery" in order to live a "whole-and-holy life."
In my work, I often ask people to do this hard work of applying the scalpel. I ask them to look hard at their own stories, both how they've been hurt and how they've hurt others. I ask them to name parts of themselves that are triggered, often in our meetings together, and frequently when strong, triggering emotions arise. I ask them to transcend their reptilian brains and their black-and-white certainty left-brains and become reflective. This is very difficult work. Often the pain gets worse before it gets better." Page 101
In Chapter 6,
Wholeheartedness is a participation in the life of God, of the only whole human being who has ever walked the earth-Jesus. Wholeness dwells in human beings by the Spirit of God, whose divine life pulsates within those who drink at the Well. Page 118.
Part 3 is applications to bring about a wholeness in our spirits. We are reminded we are on a journey and the goal is wholeheartedness. Quotes and questions are for reflection, study, and meditation. Encouragement is given to breathe deep and exhale. The search is for the "True Self." The intention of this exercise is to weed out and let go of the the bad voices, and embrace God's voice. Another term for this part of the book is contemplative prayer.
I did not order this book to read and review, but I decided to read and review it nevertheless. I would not have chosen this book because it does not appeal to me. In all fairness, it's just not my cup of tea. I know very little about contemplative prayer. I've not studied this type of prayer. I am aware there are people in the Christian community who are opposed to this type of prayer. I'm a prayer warrior, but I don't do breathing exercises nor repeat phrases, etc. For some readers, this is a book they would heartily embrace. For me, I'm just not excited about it. I did enjoy reading chapters 5 and 6. I felt the information located here was the heart of the book.
Part 1: Diagnosing Our UnWholeness
1. Feeling Pulled in a Thousand Different Directions
2. Perfecting Ourselves to Death-and Learning to Embrace Imperfection
3. Using Our Brains: The Neurobiology of Wholeness
Part 2: Awakening To Wholeness
4. Awakening to Our Lives: A Poetric Invitation
5. Becoming Holy without Becoming Exhausted
6. Understanding Our Whole Story
Part 3: Experiencing Wholeness
7. Returning to Our Core, Recovering Our True Self
8. Cultivating Wholeness amid Our Scattered Selves
9. Embracing Sweet Communion
My Thoughts:
Parts 1 and 2 explain what wholeness means and how as a Christian we can experience this in Christ Jesus.
In Part 1, perfectionism, shame, exhaustion, and a critical attitude are strong factors in not being a whole person.
In Part 2, Christians in history are examined. Those who have modeled "Wholehearted living for us." These people are Quaker Thomas Kelly, Jesuit Priest Gerard Manley Hopkins, and poet Derek Walcott.
Chapter 5 teaches us we need "major heart surgery" in order to live a "whole-and-holy life."
In my work, I often ask people to do this hard work of applying the scalpel. I ask them to look hard at their own stories, both how they've been hurt and how they've hurt others. I ask them to name parts of themselves that are triggered, often in our meetings together, and frequently when strong, triggering emotions arise. I ask them to transcend their reptilian brains and their black-and-white certainty left-brains and become reflective. This is very difficult work. Often the pain gets worse before it gets better." Page 101
In Chapter 6,
Wholeheartedness is a participation in the life of God, of the only whole human being who has ever walked the earth-Jesus. Wholeness dwells in human beings by the Spirit of God, whose divine life pulsates within those who drink at the Well. Page 118.
Part 3 is applications to bring about a wholeness in our spirits. We are reminded we are on a journey and the goal is wholeheartedness. Quotes and questions are for reflection, study, and meditation. Encouragement is given to breathe deep and exhale. The search is for the "True Self." The intention of this exercise is to weed out and let go of the the bad voices, and embrace God's voice. Another term for this part of the book is contemplative prayer.
I did not order this book to read and review, but I decided to read and review it nevertheless. I would not have chosen this book because it does not appeal to me. In all fairness, it's just not my cup of tea. I know very little about contemplative prayer. I've not studied this type of prayer. I am aware there are people in the Christian community who are opposed to this type of prayer. I'm a prayer warrior, but I don't do breathing exercises nor repeat phrases, etc. For some readers, this is a book they would heartily embrace. For me, I'm just not excited about it. I did enjoy reading chapters 5 and 6. I felt the information located here was the heart of the book.
May 31, 2023
I needed this. I need this.
October 15, 2019
A good interfacing of disciplines
I enjoyed this book as I’m in a similar line of work as Chuck except being a professor! Good for me to listen to it by audio and to do the recommended practices. Found them mostly beneficial. For a largely conservative evangelical Asian readers, the Catholic practices may be challenging as some may found too Roman Catholic and meditation may smell of Buddhistic mindfulness. Still, the book shall enlarge Asian Christians embrace much more than being a frog in a well. After Chuck exemplified how as a Lutheran he has such a generous heart to the whole counsels of God.
I enjoyed this book as I’m in a similar line of work as Chuck except being a professor! Good for me to listen to it by audio and to do the recommended practices. Found them mostly beneficial. For a largely conservative evangelical Asian readers, the Catholic practices may be challenging as some may found too Roman Catholic and meditation may smell of Buddhistic mindfulness. Still, the book shall enlarge Asian Christians embrace much more than being a frog in a well. After Chuck exemplified how as a Lutheran he has such a generous heart to the whole counsels of God.
July 7, 2020
A very good read with multiple takeaways that I want to continue to ponder. I liked the organization of the book into 3 parts: Diagnosing our Unwholeness, Awakening to Wholeness, and Experiencing Wholeness, as well as the author's quotes from a variety of rich sources. Inspiring and practical.
"Wherever you find yourself right now, the call is to wake up. To wake up to your deepest life. To wake up to what is most real in you and about you. To wake up from the slumber of resignation. To wake up to your fundamental unity and wholeness. To wake up to God’s deepest Spirit-life within you, waiting to burst forth and to become your steady, strong, and stable center."
"Wherever you find yourself right now, the call is to wake up. To wake up to your deepest life. To wake up to what is most real in you and about you. To wake up from the slumber of resignation. To wake up to your fundamental unity and wholeness. To wake up to God’s deepest Spirit-life within you, waiting to burst forth and to become your steady, strong, and stable center."
June 18, 2024
My full-throated love of this book is, in part, because I read it at the exact time I needed to read it. I read it slowly, took the reflective prompts seriously, and tried to meaningfully engage the therapeutic work. It resonated quite powerfully for me, and I'm deeply grateful to DeGroat for publishing this.
Don't buy this to blitz through it. Buy it and read it if you are exhausted, drained, feeling the pangs of burnout. Big recommendation, especially if you are in ministry leadership today.
Don't buy this to blitz through it. Buy it and read it if you are exhausted, drained, feeling the pangs of burnout. Big recommendation, especially if you are in ministry leadership today.
February 23, 2020
This book is an invitation to find our Heart, our Center, who we are in Christ. DeGroat calls for self-compassion as we work our way from dividedness to wholeheartedness. This book was easy to read, but the content was so profound. I had to put it down, not because I bored, but because I needed space to process what I was reading. I recommend this book to anyone who is feeling divided, exhausted, overly busy, or disconnected. This book may be a step in putting yourself back together again.
July 29, 2020
So timely and so true!
I picked up this book because I loved Pastor Chuck… But I didn’t realize is what God is going to do to me through this book. As a father of four, a pastor of a large church, and a husband to an amazing wife sometimes life feels out of control. I’ve tried all the time management techniques and nothing worked. But this book helped me to find the true me… Centered on God, growing in him and able to truly help others
I picked up this book because I loved Pastor Chuck… But I didn’t realize is what God is going to do to me through this book. As a father of four, a pastor of a large church, and a husband to an amazing wife sometimes life feels out of control. I’ve tried all the time management techniques and nothing worked. But this book helped me to find the true me… Centered on God, growing in him and able to truly help others
December 20, 2020
I stumbled upon this book by accident— but this is the best book on “wholehearted” living I have read. Every other paragraph has an outline. Not hard to read, but definitely a book you take in slowly. I really enjoy reading counselors’ approaches to theological matters, but they often go a little off the rails for me. This guy stays solid theologically while bringing a human understanding you can’t get from reading a theologian.
April 18, 2022
I read this book as part of daily meditation/devotion. I appreciated the author’s incorporation of psychology, neuroscience, internal family systems, the arts/poems, and theology. While many of the ideas were not new to me given my background in psychology and theology, I liked the synthesis and would recommend to clients who identify with the Christian faith and are interested in deepening their sense of self and wholeness.
August 14, 2017
If not for the last chapter, I would have rated this 2 stars. The premise of the book is a wonderful one and DeGroat gives many excellent references, some of which I am committed to read. However I think that there is just a bit too much psych-babble in his wring. This book could have been much more straight forward
March 29, 2021
If you struggle with anxiety or know someone who does (aka...if you're a human being) this book could be a helpful and healing resource for you. Unlike other band-aid approaches to anxiety, DeGroat explores the roots from a fully embodied perspective. His book holds to the Christian tradition while being accessible for readers from varied perspectives.
April 26, 2021
He has some insightful ways of articulating universal problems, such as division and conflict within the human heart. But his solutions are weak - breathing exercises and “self-compassion.” A lot of pop psychology with some Christian and quasi-Christian mystical bits thrown in. Read “Gentle and Lowly” by Dane Ortlund instead.
December 15, 2021
This is not a book for the faint of heart, but if you are ready to look deeply at your own heart, read it. It helped me get a handle on what one needs to go through to become aware of and process the myriad of voices within my own heart, and to begin the journey to grow past them.
Definitely a reread!
Definitely a reread!
April 19, 2025
I found that the greatest impact this book has on me was in actually doing the questions and exercises at the end of each chapter. It will be even more impactful if you have someone to discuss the exercises with. The content is good but the impact comes from putting in the personal work to apply it to yourself.
August 15, 2017
Wholeheartedness is a great introduction to the basic reality of the "divided self" and how certain therapeutic practices (Internal Family System) and spiritual disciplines (Centering Prayer) can help us on the road to recovery.
December 23, 2017
DeGroat mostly reproduces Brené Brown's work in the first 3 chapters and gives modern psychological theory in the final 3 chapters. Little to any Scripture or orthodox theology backing up any of his work. If you're interested in wholeheartedness, stick with Brown's work.
October 6, 2019
A thoroughly restorative read for the soul. DeGroat offers an approach as to how we might be more at home with ourselves an in more intimate communion with God and others through the exploration of the deepest parts of our hearts, so that we might be more holistically understood and actualized.
November 27, 2020
Helpful
I found this book to help me with practices that keep me attuned to my inner thoughts and feelings. Having a better grip on my inner state allows me to relate better with myself and others. I live more whole as DeGroat puts it.
I found this book to help me with practices that keep me attuned to my inner thoughts and feelings. Having a better grip on my inner state allows me to relate better with myself and others. I live more whole as DeGroat puts it.
December 18, 2020
A nice easy read
I really enjoyed how easy it was to read this book. I wasn’t dazzled by it but enjoyed the read. It started to drag in the last half and I ultimately ended up needing a little more meat.
I really enjoyed how easy it was to read this book. I wasn’t dazzled by it but enjoyed the read. It started to drag in the last half and I ultimately ended up needing a little more meat.
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