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Chasing Death Metal Dreams
Carlos Medina has spent years of sweat, pain, effort, and money becoming the man he is. He writes original songs, plays lead guitar, and wears his death metal front-man persona like armor. With an excellent drummer and a talented bassist, his band, KnifeSwitch, has what it takes to succeed, if they can just catch a break. But it’s been a long road already, and there’s still a mountain left to climb. Carlos isn’t looking for anything more in his personal life than an occasional hook-up with a hot guy, preferably outside the less-than-gay-friendly metal scene.
Nate Goldstein has no intention of dating a musician. His twin brother fronts a band, and he knows band guys are all busy, broke, and obsessed with their music. But Carlos catches his artist’s eye. Nate is wary - he has a history of picking the wrong guys. Still, he might be willing to break some personal rules to find out what’s behind Carlos’s dark gaze and imaginative lyrics.
Getting together the first time is easy and fun. The second time is more complicated. And when music, ambition, and personalities clash, the guys will have to decide if they have a future worth fighting for.
This story was written as a part of the M/M Romance Group's "Love is an Open Road" event. Group members were asked to write a story prompt inspired by a photo of their choice. Authors of the group selected a photo and prompt that spoke to them and wrote a short story.
Dear Author,
I was sent to the US at the age of 10 by my father who could not accept me. You see I was misgendered at birth and I started fighting against my body at a young age. My father sent me to live with my cousin’s family along with enough money to pay my way for a few years. Little does he know he helped to fund the many surgeries and hormones to fulfill my dream of having my outside gender match the gender my brain has always known myself to be.
What do you think Author? Not many know of his secret. He is a gay man. Is he in a gang? Is he in a band? How will he find love? How will he be accepted?
Photo Description:
A young bare-chested man stands staring boldly outward from below his raised arms, hands pressed together in his black hair, elbows winged out, colorful dagger tattoos on his forearms. Another tattoo near his neck forms swirl of dark curves with “Boy” over his left collarbone. His biceps are strong, his stomach and pecs flat, his nipples small, above a thin treasure trail leading downward. Below each nipple is the unmistakable, long-healed scar of top surgery.
This story may contain sexually explicit content and is intended for adult readers.
Nate Goldstein has no intention of dating a musician. His twin brother fronts a band, and he knows band guys are all busy, broke, and obsessed with their music. But Carlos catches his artist’s eye. Nate is wary - he has a history of picking the wrong guys. Still, he might be willing to break some personal rules to find out what’s behind Carlos’s dark gaze and imaginative lyrics.
Getting together the first time is easy and fun. The second time is more complicated. And when music, ambition, and personalities clash, the guys will have to decide if they have a future worth fighting for.
This story was written as a part of the M/M Romance Group's "Love is an Open Road" event. Group members were asked to write a story prompt inspired by a photo of their choice. Authors of the group selected a photo and prompt that spoke to them and wrote a short story.
Dear Author,
I was sent to the US at the age of 10 by my father who could not accept me. You see I was misgendered at birth and I started fighting against my body at a young age. My father sent me to live with my cousin’s family along with enough money to pay my way for a few years. Little does he know he helped to fund the many surgeries and hormones to fulfill my dream of having my outside gender match the gender my brain has always known myself to be.
What do you think Author? Not many know of his secret. He is a gay man. Is he in a gang? Is he in a band? How will he find love? How will he be accepted?
Photo Description:
A young bare-chested man stands staring boldly outward from below his raised arms, hands pressed together in his black hair, elbows winged out, colorful dagger tattoos on his forearms. Another tattoo near his neck forms swirl of dark curves with “Boy” over his left collarbone. His biceps are strong, his stomach and pecs flat, his nipples small, above a thin treasure trail leading downward. Below each nipple is the unmistakable, long-healed scar of top surgery.
This story may contain sexually explicit content and is intended for adult readers.
265 pages, ebook
First published August 1, 2015
5 people are currently reading
552 people want to read
About the author
Kaje Harper
92 books2,733 followersI get asked about my name a lot. It's not something exotic, though. “Kaje” is pronounced just like “cage” – it’s an old nickname, and my pronouns are she/her/hers.
I was born in Montreal but have lived for 30 years in Minnesota, where the two seasons are Snow-removal and Road-repair, where the mosquito is the state bird, and where winter can be breathtakingly beautiful. Minnesota’s a kind, quiet (if sometimes chilly) place and it’s home.
I’ve been writing far longer than I care to admit (*whispers – fifty years*), mostly for my own entertainment, usually M/M romance (with added mystery, fantasy, historical, SciFi…) I also have a few Young Adult stories (some released under the pen name Kira Harp.)
My husband finally convinced me that after all the years of writing for fun, I really should submit something, somewhere. My first professionally published book, Life Lessons, came out from MLR Press in May 2011. I have a weakness for closeted cops with honest hearts, and teachers who speak their minds, and I had fun writing four novels and three freebie short stories in that series. I was delighted and encouraged by the reception Mac and Tony received.
I now have a good-sized backlist in ebooks and print, both free and professionally published. A complete list with links can be found on my website "Books" page at https://kajeharper.com/.
You can find me and my book reviews on my author page here on Goodreads - I hang out on Goodreads a lot because I moderate the Goodreads YA LGBT Books group. I also post free short YA stories on that group, more than 50 of them so far.
You can also find me on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/KajeHarper
I was born in Montreal but have lived for 30 years in Minnesota, where the two seasons are Snow-removal and Road-repair, where the mosquito is the state bird, and where winter can be breathtakingly beautiful. Minnesota’s a kind, quiet (if sometimes chilly) place and it’s home.
I’ve been writing far longer than I care to admit (*whispers – fifty years*), mostly for my own entertainment, usually M/M romance (with added mystery, fantasy, historical, SciFi…) I also have a few Young Adult stories (some released under the pen name Kira Harp.)
My husband finally convinced me that after all the years of writing for fun, I really should submit something, somewhere. My first professionally published book, Life Lessons, came out from MLR Press in May 2011. I have a weakness for closeted cops with honest hearts, and teachers who speak their minds, and I had fun writing four novels and three freebie short stories in that series. I was delighted and encouraged by the reception Mac and Tony received.
I now have a good-sized backlist in ebooks and print, both free and professionally published. A complete list with links can be found on my website "Books" page at https://kajeharper.com/.
You can find me and my book reviews on my author page here on Goodreads - I hang out on Goodreads a lot because I moderate the Goodreads YA LGBT Books group. I also post free short YA stories on that group, more than 50 of them so far.
You can also find me on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/KajeHarper
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
August 30, 2015
2 I-expected-more stars. DNF @60%. Review posted August 30, 2015.
Tags: musicians/rock stars, visual arts, in the closet, F2M transgender, family, men with pets, tattoos
When I read those tags, my heart did a little happy dance, anticipating another great story. As a matter of fact, I have enjoyed Kaje Harper's work in the past when I devoured her Life Lessons series Life Lessons, Breaking Cover, Home Work, Learning Curve or, even better yet, her free and absolutely beautiful coming of age story Into Deep Waters. So you see, I did have a justified reason to expect something special. Unfortunately, the story didn't live up to my sky-high expectations. Moreover, I still feel a little bit flabbergasted because once again I'm the weirdo who didn't enjoy a book with an extremely high average rating. Christmas isn't that far away. Maybe Santa is going to gift me with a bunch of those hype genes. Whatever.
My biggest issue was Carlos. I'm sorry to say that I disliked him very, very much and could never bond with him. Being in the closet sucks, I get it. Having to deal with baggage from a crappy childhood sucks, I get it. The entire process of making that transition from female to male is difficult, I.Get.That.Too. I really do. But that doesn't give him a free pass to piss and sneer at other people and certainly not at people who are kind. I really hated his disdainful attitude. Also, there are tough, badass guys who are actually likable; Carlos, however, was anything but. He came off as a total jerk and his so-called badass act was…well…a pitiful one. It was an armor that I found equally repulsive, ridiculous and not believable. The poor dude had to make grimaces in front of a mirror. Seriously, I can't even. *cue eye roll* I don't remember anymore if he had to flex his muscles in front of the mirror, too. Besides, it didn't help matters in the least that the story had a distinct NA feel even though both MCs were in their mid-20s (25 and 26). It goes without saying that an immature drama queen as a male lead doesn't do anything for me. Anyway, both MCs connected well with one another through sex but otherwise I just did not feel "it".
The music
I think it's very difficult for an author to create an electrifying atmosphere during a live gig. An author who truly pulls that off can make me feel the vibrations of the floor and internalizing the screaming crowd. I want an author to hit me hard with great lyrics that entrance me, and the musicians shouldn't only rock the stage but me, the reader. I want to feel goosebumps breaking out all over my skin. I want and need that magic, that deep and emotionally-charged connection. So far I only know of one author who does this to me and it's definitely not Kaje Harper.
Mia who allegedly knows Carlos very well said:
"Carlos is pretty thick-skinned. It's not that easy to upset him."
That must have been the joke of the day. She can't be serious. He's the opposite of thick-skinned. It was more than obvious that it didn't take a lot for him to go apeshit on anyone's ass.
Mia is bi and the drummer of KnifeSwitch. She's portrayed as a tough chick with a vulnerable topping. Well, I honestly can't do anything with that kind of "banter"...
"Jesus, Mia!" Carlos glanced around automatically. Mia punched him in the stomach hard enough to make him wheeze slightly. "What was that for?"
"Being a secretive, paranoid pukeface."
"Witchbitch."
"Dickhole." Mia frowned. "Wait, that's probably not an insult to you, is it?"
"That would be TMI."
Just not my cup of tea and to get it off my chest: I wasn't a fan of hers either.
Um…now let's get to another, um, issue. It's actually, um, a rather huge pet peeve of mine.
89 x um This…um…uh…um...reminded me of In the Middle of Somewhere, a reading experience, um, I'd like to forget. Thank you very much.
"We need your bro to shut up so we can get that second, um, look taken care of."
"You look, um, hot." (…) "Um. Both?"
"Maybe just, um, go enjoy the show?"
"Um. Yeah."
"Um, maybe I didn't think that through."
"Um. Hand. (…)
"Do you, um, want me to touch you?"
Way smaller, um, dick, sure, but he could adjust.
…great end to a very, um, exciting day."
"Um. No."
"I, um, sure."
"Um, thank you."
"Um, yeah, hi."
"Yeah, um, me too."
"Um, wow, I'll look forward to that. (…)
"I'll save the, um, interesting for when you get home."
"Um. Yeah?"
"Um, I hope so."
"Oh. Um, yeah."
"Wow. Um, you shouldn't have done that. It's um, Monday, isn't it? (…)
"Okay. If, um, anyone comes by here--"
"Um. Hi?"
"Ouch. Hard floor. Um. (…)
"Plus, I, um spent a lot of time wishing I could get a real (…)
"Um, sure."
"Um."
"Not mad, but it's, um, a bit creepy. (…)
"Her name's, um, Janelle. (…)
"Um, maybe. Hang on."
"Um." He fumbled for an answer.
This guy, Foster, um, Simpson.
"Um, I might," he said quickly…
etc.
Be that as it may, the more I read the less I was interested to cross the finish line because I got bored. When Carlos a prospective drama act was already in the air, yet I wasn't enthused to keep on struggling through the entire plot.
See me. Reading a book is not a game to me. It's not a whim, it's a passion and I just wish I had liked Chasing Death Metal Dreams. Then again, don't let my negative opinion deter you from reading this book. After all, a huge majority of readers loved it.
This is not a game. This is not a whim or a wish. See me.
Tags: musicians/rock stars, visual arts, in the closet, F2M transgender, family, men with pets, tattoos
When I read those tags, my heart did a little happy dance, anticipating another great story. As a matter of fact, I have enjoyed Kaje Harper's work in the past when I devoured her Life Lessons series Life Lessons, Breaking Cover, Home Work, Learning Curve or, even better yet, her free and absolutely beautiful coming of age story Into Deep Waters. So you see, I did have a justified reason to expect something special. Unfortunately, the story didn't live up to my sky-high expectations. Moreover, I still feel a little bit flabbergasted because once again I'm the weirdo who didn't enjoy a book with an extremely high average rating. Christmas isn't that far away. Maybe Santa is going to gift me with a bunch of those hype genes. Whatever.
My biggest issue was Carlos. I'm sorry to say that I disliked him very, very much and could never bond with him. Being in the closet sucks, I get it. Having to deal with baggage from a crappy childhood sucks, I get it. The entire process of making that transition from female to male is difficult, I.Get.That.Too. I really do. But that doesn't give him a free pass to piss and sneer at other people and certainly not at people who are kind. I really hated his disdainful attitude. Also, there are tough, badass guys who are actually likable; Carlos, however, was anything but. He came off as a total jerk and his so-called badass act was…well…a pitiful one. It was an armor that I found equally repulsive, ridiculous and not believable. The poor dude had to make grimaces in front of a mirror. Seriously, I can't even. *cue eye roll* I don't remember anymore if he had to flex his muscles in front of the mirror, too. Besides, it didn't help matters in the least that the story had a distinct NA feel even though both MCs were in their mid-20s (25 and 26). It goes without saying that an immature drama queen as a male lead doesn't do anything for me. Anyway, both MCs connected well with one another through sex but otherwise I just did not feel "it".
The music
I think it's very difficult for an author to create an electrifying atmosphere during a live gig. An author who truly pulls that off can make me feel the vibrations of the floor and internalizing the screaming crowd. I want an author to hit me hard with great lyrics that entrance me, and the musicians shouldn't only rock the stage but me, the reader. I want to feel goosebumps breaking out all over my skin. I want and need that magic, that deep and emotionally-charged connection. So far I only know of one author who does this to me and it's definitely not Kaje Harper.
Mia who allegedly knows Carlos very well said:
"Carlos is pretty thick-skinned. It's not that easy to upset him."
That must have been the joke of the day. She can't be serious. He's the opposite of thick-skinned. It was more than obvious that it didn't take a lot for him to go apeshit on anyone's ass.
Mia is bi and the drummer of KnifeSwitch. She's portrayed as a tough chick with a vulnerable topping. Well, I honestly can't do anything with that kind of "banter"...
"Jesus, Mia!" Carlos glanced around automatically. Mia punched him in the stomach hard enough to make him wheeze slightly. "What was that for?"
"Being a secretive, paranoid pukeface."
"Witchbitch."
"Dickhole." Mia frowned. "Wait, that's probably not an insult to you, is it?"
"That would be TMI."
Just not my cup of tea and to get it off my chest: I wasn't a fan of hers either.
Um…now let's get to another, um, issue. It's actually, um, a rather huge pet peeve of mine.
89 x um This…um…uh…um...reminded me of In the Middle of Somewhere, a reading experience, um, I'd like to forget. Thank you very much.
"We need your bro to shut up so we can get that second, um, look taken care of."
"You look, um, hot." (…) "Um. Both?"
"Maybe just, um, go enjoy the show?"
"Um. Yeah."
"Um, maybe I didn't think that through."
"Um. Hand. (…)
"Do you, um, want me to touch you?"
Way smaller, um, dick, sure, but he could adjust.
…great end to a very, um, exciting day."
"Um. No."
"I, um, sure."
"Um, thank you."
"Um, yeah, hi."
"Yeah, um, me too."
"Um, wow, I'll look forward to that. (…)
"I'll save the, um, interesting for when you get home."
"Um. Yeah?"
"Um, I hope so."
"Oh. Um, yeah."
"Wow. Um, you shouldn't have done that. It's um, Monday, isn't it? (…)
"Okay. If, um, anyone comes by here--"
"Um. Hi?"
"Ouch. Hard floor. Um. (…)
"Plus, I, um spent a lot of time wishing I could get a real (…)
"Um, sure."
"Um."
"Not mad, but it's, um, a bit creepy. (…)
"Her name's, um, Janelle. (…)
"Um, maybe. Hang on."
"Um." He fumbled for an answer.
This guy, Foster, um, Simpson.
"Um, I might," he said quickly…
etc.
Be that as it may, the more I read the less I was interested to cross the finish line because I got bored. When Carlos a prospective drama act was already in the air, yet I wasn't enthused to keep on struggling through the entire plot.
See me. Reading a book is not a game to me. It's not a whim, it's a passion and I just wish I had liked Chasing Death Metal Dreams. Then again, don't let my negative opinion deter you from reading this book. After all, a huge majority of readers loved it.
This is not a game. This is not a whim or a wish. See me.
Read
August 14, 2022Since Goodreads' awful new book page no longer makes it easy to find free stories, having removed the url field, you can find this book for download here:
http://www.mmromancegroup.com/chasing...
http://www.mmromancegroup.com/chasing...
Want to read
August 1, 2015How awesome is it that Kaje Harper wrote a NOVEL for Love is an Open Road!
August 8, 2015
Absolutely wonderful. I can't recommend this enough. The tale of Carlos Medina, a Mexican-born transgender young man trying to make his way in the world of heavy metal while finding love is complex, unexpected, painful, beautiful. So grateful to Melissa for her amazing prompt, to Kaje Harper for telling Carlos' story and writing a full-length novel to really do it justice, and to the entire team behind the Love is an Open Road event.
June 24, 2020
(dnf at 51%)
the trans rep is great but everything is just so hella boring and i have too many books to read to slog through 45,000 more words of nothing
the trans rep is great but everything is just so hella boring and i have too many books to read to slog through 45,000 more words of nothing
August 10, 2015
The stories that have come from the DRitC event this year have been amazing. I have read many stories I wouldn't normally have and loved them. I have found new authors and revisited authors I know I love and basically been blown away by the fiction produced. Of course not everything is to my taste - but to get to try all this stuff, for free, is such a wonderful opportunity.
It is quite often said these days you don't get something for nothing, but in this event that is absolutely not true. Sometimes what you get is more than you dreamed. I know this is the case for me, and this week it was Kaje Harper's 90k novel, Chasing Death Metal Dreams, that blew me away. I totally and utterly loved it.
Let's not beat around the bush; I am a huge Kaje Harper fan, for many, many reasons, and they all held true in this story.
First - and possibly most important to me - characterisation. I know I harp on about this in my reviews, but it is characters that make the story for me. They are the people I empathise with, sympathise with, laugh or feel angry with. They are the core of the world into which I fall in the pages of a book. They are who I fall in love with. They are the story, and Kaje writes great characters. Better than great. Her characters come from the heart (and I should imagine a heck of a lot of research, because they are all so true to themselves). She can write elderly gentlemen, tough cops, grateful partners. She can write about the world weary or optimistic, about young and old. She never writes a boring characters. She never writes characters that feel like the same old, same old. Each voice is unique and genuine, and by gum do I wish I had that skill.
Carlos' voice in this story was absolutely no exception. In fact it is one of the best examples I have read of real character. Born male in a female body, Carlos knew from a very young age that he needed his outside to match his inside. I truly cannot imagine what it is like to not feel like me. To not be the person I really am. I may not (always) like the package I come in, but it feels like me from the tips of my toes, to the top of my head.
I imagine writing a trans character and not turning them into a caricature or political statement is especially hard. Kaje writes about Carlos though,and she makes the character more than an f to m trans person. He is more than gay, he is more than a death metal musician, he is more than the Mexican boy sent to live with his aunt and uncle in America. He is more than a dental assistant, more than a tattooed musician, more than a scared 14 year old. He ismore than all those thing yet all those things are part of him. All those things combine to make him, him.
The focus of this story is Carlos dreams to be in a successful death metal band. He writes and plays guitar and lives for his music. The death metal scene though - it's not a place where being openly gay is, at least in Carlos' opinion, viable.
Carlos is full of attitude. He loves his music, but he takes no shit. Not from fans, band mates or the general public. I could picture him so clearly, with his swagger, his presence, his attitude. He is fun. He is dedicated. Hard working. Focused. Ambitious.
He is brilliant. I loved every single moment spent with him.
Nate is the man he falls in love with - even if all Carlos was after was a quick fuck. Nate's twin brother is also in the death metal band scene and Nate helps him out roadying from time to time. Nate is out and proud, more the kind of guy who likes long term over one night. An artist who is still dealing with lies fed to him by his exes. Together Carlos and Nate are brilliant.
Kaje Harper takes their characters and the story and makes it feel real in a way many other writers would struggle to do (IMO). Never one for an easy get out or an unnecessary amount of angst (i.e. angst for angsts sake) the troubles her characters face feel real. They are led by emotion and circumstance, and not the desire to write a thrilling storyline. (Although obviously the desire to write the thrilling storyline is there, otherwise there would be no story, but it is written so damn well you forget that). I always feel I've learnt something when I've finished one of Kaje's stories. I also know I'm going to have a terrible book hangover.
Because this review is already going on a bit, I would just say - please read this story. It really is fabulous.
It is quite often said these days you don't get something for nothing, but in this event that is absolutely not true. Sometimes what you get is more than you dreamed. I know this is the case for me, and this week it was Kaje Harper's 90k novel, Chasing Death Metal Dreams, that blew me away. I totally and utterly loved it.
Let's not beat around the bush; I am a huge Kaje Harper fan, for many, many reasons, and they all held true in this story.
First - and possibly most important to me - characterisation. I know I harp on about this in my reviews, but it is characters that make the story for me. They are the people I empathise with, sympathise with, laugh or feel angry with. They are the core of the world into which I fall in the pages of a book. They are who I fall in love with. They are the story, and Kaje writes great characters. Better than great. Her characters come from the heart (and I should imagine a heck of a lot of research, because they are all so true to themselves). She can write elderly gentlemen, tough cops, grateful partners. She can write about the world weary or optimistic, about young and old. She never writes a boring characters. She never writes characters that feel like the same old, same old. Each voice is unique and genuine, and by gum do I wish I had that skill.
Carlos' voice in this story was absolutely no exception. In fact it is one of the best examples I have read of real character. Born male in a female body, Carlos knew from a very young age that he needed his outside to match his inside. I truly cannot imagine what it is like to not feel like me. To not be the person I really am. I may not (always) like the package I come in, but it feels like me from the tips of my toes, to the top of my head.
I imagine writing a trans character and not turning them into a caricature or political statement is especially hard. Kaje writes about Carlos though,and she makes the character more than an f to m trans person. He is more than gay, he is more than a death metal musician, he is more than the Mexican boy sent to live with his aunt and uncle in America. He is more than a dental assistant, more than a tattooed musician, more than a scared 14 year old. He ismore than all those thing yet all those things are part of him. All those things combine to make him, him.
The focus of this story is Carlos dreams to be in a successful death metal band. He writes and plays guitar and lives for his music. The death metal scene though - it's not a place where being openly gay is, at least in Carlos' opinion, viable.
Carlos is full of attitude. He loves his music, but he takes no shit. Not from fans, band mates or the general public. I could picture him so clearly, with his swagger, his presence, his attitude. He is fun. He is dedicated. Hard working. Focused. Ambitious.
He is brilliant. I loved every single moment spent with him.
Nate is the man he falls in love with - even if all Carlos was after was a quick fuck. Nate's twin brother is also in the death metal band scene and Nate helps him out roadying from time to time. Nate is out and proud, more the kind of guy who likes long term over one night. An artist who is still dealing with lies fed to him by his exes. Together Carlos and Nate are brilliant.
Kaje Harper takes their characters and the story and makes it feel real in a way many other writers would struggle to do (IMO). Never one for an easy get out or an unnecessary amount of angst (i.e. angst for angsts sake) the troubles her characters face feel real. They are led by emotion and circumstance, and not the desire to write a thrilling storyline. (Although obviously the desire to write the thrilling storyline is there, otherwise there would be no story, but it is written so damn well you forget that). I always feel I've learnt something when I've finished one of Kaje's stories. I also know I'm going to have a terrible book hangover.
Because this review is already going on a bit, I would just say - please read this story. It really is fabulous.
September 27, 2018
When the sparks fly between these two, it’s far from insta-love. These two men each have baggage and obstacles to overcome. Their story swept me along very easily and naturally. Watching the two very different men learn to trust each other was a thoroughly enjoyable journey.
The author handled the sexual scenes, even the sensitive ones, very well with just the right amount of details and explanations. The heat level was quite steamy.
The author handled the sexual scenes, even the sensitive ones, very well with just the right amount of details and explanations. The heat level was quite steamy.
August 6, 2015
Offered for FREE from the M/M Romance Group's Love Is An Open Road event. Thank you too all the amazing authors who participated!
Oh my hotness, I'm a sucker for good old school tats! 4.5 stars Kaje Harper is one of those authors that I am constantly surprised by, although it should no longer be a surprise. This wasn't fancy, or over the top, or soooo angsty despite there being definite angst, it was just a good solid story about good solid characters who all have a bit of baggage, as we all do.
I loved both Carlos and Nate, separately and together. They weren't perfect, and they had fights (two big ones to be exact), and they each had their turn of grovelling with apologies and baked goods, but all within 24 hours. No drawn out break ups, no purposely cutting our heart out. I appreciate that. Carlos has trouble sharing, and Nate has trust issues, but they took their time and both exercised patience and understanding.
The trans aspect was present, because it's a part of who Carlos is, but it didn't completely take over the story. That prologue was just about heartbreaking, and I wouldn't have minded more flashbacks to a young Carlos, but again, that wasn't the main focus of the book. All the band stuff was great, and I absolutely loved Carlos's lyrics, as Nate said they are "lyrics that make him want to paint.". Even the cheesy love-based ones!
And lets get a big halleluiah for strong female characters! Mia and Tia Lisa rocked it (although I could have used less detail during all Lisa's computer shenanigans, that dragged a bit), and even Rebecca Goldstein had a couple appearances.
An extra special thank you again to Kaje Harper for always bringing an amazing (and full length!) contribution to this wonderful event!
"You think you can break me
With your cheating and your lies?
You think I missed the rot beneath
Your saccharine disguise?
Let me tell you
Fuckin' amateur
I saw you
Who you really were
You're not the first I've kissed with only greed behind your eyes.
Not going under
Not going down
Using the users
Owning this town
Been kicked in the teeth
Been stabbed in the back
But I'm not going under
I'm on the attack. "
August 10, 2015
I wish I could give this book more stars! This was my prompt and I can't even begin to thank Kaje Harper for the amazing job she did! I was floored when she took the prompt, I knew it would be special. But she really went above and beyond with almost 250 well thought out, researched, smart, sensitive, romantic, hot, sexy and interesting pages.
As you know Carlos is a trans man. But he is also a musician and songwriter. Ms. Harper goes places with this book that many have shied away from, and she does it well, VERY well! She does it with sensitivety and caring.The trans issue is not the entire focal point of the book. Which was perfect.
Nate is the love interest and also an artist. He is sensitive and caring. He does not focus on Carlos being trans, but on the man he sees before him. Ms. Harper recognizes that there are often physical differences that need to be discussed in a trans relationship. Again it is handled perfectly.
The back story is about two bands trying to make it in todays competitive music business. Again Ms. Harper picks us up and puts us backstage at a death metal concert!
Awesome job! I marked all kinds of passages that I thought I would quote here but I never seem to do that in a review. But I think you can tell I loved the book! I hope one day we get to revisit this couple...and pay Ms Harper for her hard work next time!!!!!
As you know Carlos is a trans man. But he is also a musician and songwriter. Ms. Harper goes places with this book that many have shied away from, and she does it well, VERY well! She does it with sensitivety and caring.The trans issue is not the entire focal point of the book. Which was perfect.
Nate is the love interest and also an artist. He is sensitive and caring. He does not focus on Carlos being trans, but on the man he sees before him. Ms. Harper recognizes that there are often physical differences that need to be discussed in a trans relationship. Again it is handled perfectly.
The back story is about two bands trying to make it in todays competitive music business. Again Ms. Harper picks us up and puts us backstage at a death metal concert!
Awesome job! I marked all kinds of passages that I thought I would quote here but I never seem to do that in a review. But I think you can tell I loved the book! I hope one day we get to revisit this couple...and pay Ms Harper for her hard work next time!!!!!
August 2, 2018
2.5 stars
Color me shocked, apparently there’s a first time for everything.
Prior to this one, I’d read 29 books by Kaje Harper with an average rating of 4.17 stars, so you can imagine my surprise when I started to realize that I didn’t like what I was reading very much. If it had been any other author, I would have given up at around 30%; I persevered hoping Kaje’s magic would work on me once more but unfortunately it didn’t get much better.
The music band setting is never going to be one of my favorites, so I was expecting not liking that aspect of the story. Still, this author made me like children in books, so I was sure it couldn’t be that bad and it wasn’t, I had no particular problem with the page time dedicated to music and the writing and characterization were as good as always.
My main problem was Carlos, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I disliked him but I didn’t like him either.
On paper, he was the kind of character who should’ve had me wrapped around his little finger after two chapters and I started this book predisposed to love him, almost sure I would. Instead, I was at best tolerant of his abrasive nature and at worst irritated by his attitude, not even reading his point of view helped me to warm up to him. I guess his prickly reactions were supposed to be his armor, but I never really saw the soft underbelly, I saw only glimpses of it and much too late in the book as well. Mostly it came across as him being as he appeared and I can’t say I was a fan.
I never really saw a distinction between how he treated Nate and how he treated the rest of the world. Even worse, at times he almost seemed more affectionate with his best friend/band mate Mia than with Nate and if that isn’t the kiss of death for a romance, I don’t know what is.
I liked Nate better than Carlos, not enough to save the book though. You need at least two people to make a relationship and I never understood what Nate saw in Carlos, come to think of it I'm not even sure what Carlos saw in Nate, the only connection I felt between them was sexual and it simply wasn’t enough for me.
I couldn’t shake the impression that Nate was always guarded, always tiptoeing around Carlos when it came to their relationship, like he was never sure of how to act or what to expect, and while that would have been fine at the beginning, I didn’t really feel like it ever changed and they didn’t talk nowhere near enough for me to feel their connection.
I liked how Carlos’s transness (is that a word?) was depicted and incorporated into the story but I found something lacking even in that aspect. I get that it shouldn’t have been the whole focus and I liked how it wasn’t treated like it was that big of a deal between Carlos and Nate, it was all pretty natural, but I would have appreciated them actually talking about it, instead of Nate hinting that they would have to talk about it.
He had no experience whatsoever with the matter, it was his first time with a trans man, of course he had questions and doubts, of course he was worried about doing or saying the wrong thing, it felt completely counterintuitive for him to say they would have to talk after deciding they were together, it was way too late in the book and they didn’t have any kind of talk anyway even after that.
Despite everything, I did like Carlos slightly better in the last third/quarter of the book, don’t know if it was because by that time I was used to him or because he actually grew on me a little. It was just too little too late.
Given that this is a Don’t Read in the Closet story and Kaje was so very generous to donate her time and talent to write a full-length novel, I feel bad rating only 2 stars a book that by any other author would’ve been a dnf without rating.
Truth be told, if it were any other author and I had managed to finish it, I would have probably stretched the rating to 3 stars. With great talent come great expectations though, and I definitely expected better from one of my favorite authors.
Color me shocked, apparently there’s a first time for everything.
Prior to this one, I’d read 29 books by Kaje Harper with an average rating of 4.17 stars, so you can imagine my surprise when I started to realize that I didn’t like what I was reading very much. If it had been any other author, I would have given up at around 30%; I persevered hoping Kaje’s magic would work on me once more but unfortunately it didn’t get much better.
The music band setting is never going to be one of my favorites, so I was expecting not liking that aspect of the story. Still, this author made me like children in books, so I was sure it couldn’t be that bad and it wasn’t, I had no particular problem with the page time dedicated to music and the writing and characterization were as good as always.
My main problem was Carlos, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I disliked him but I didn’t like him either.
On paper, he was the kind of character who should’ve had me wrapped around his little finger after two chapters and I started this book predisposed to love him, almost sure I would. Instead, I was at best tolerant of his abrasive nature and at worst irritated by his attitude, not even reading his point of view helped me to warm up to him. I guess his prickly reactions were supposed to be his armor, but I never really saw the soft underbelly, I saw only glimpses of it and much too late in the book as well. Mostly it came across as him being as he appeared and I can’t say I was a fan.
I never really saw a distinction between how he treated Nate and how he treated the rest of the world. Even worse, at times he almost seemed more affectionate with his best friend/band mate Mia than with Nate and if that isn’t the kiss of death for a romance, I don’t know what is.
I liked Nate better than Carlos, not enough to save the book though. You need at least two people to make a relationship and I never understood what Nate saw in Carlos, come to think of it I'm not even sure what Carlos saw in Nate, the only connection I felt between them was sexual and it simply wasn’t enough for me.
I couldn’t shake the impression that Nate was always guarded, always tiptoeing around Carlos when it came to their relationship, like he was never sure of how to act or what to expect, and while that would have been fine at the beginning, I didn’t really feel like it ever changed and they didn’t talk nowhere near enough for me to feel their connection.
I liked how Carlos’s transness (is that a word?) was depicted and incorporated into the story but I found something lacking even in that aspect. I get that it shouldn’t have been the whole focus and I liked how it wasn’t treated like it was that big of a deal between Carlos and Nate, it was all pretty natural, but I would have appreciated them actually talking about it, instead of Nate hinting that they would have to talk about it.
He had no experience whatsoever with the matter, it was his first time with a trans man, of course he had questions and doubts, of course he was worried about doing or saying the wrong thing, it felt completely counterintuitive for him to say they would have to talk after deciding they were together, it was way too late in the book and they didn’t have any kind of talk anyway even after that.
Despite everything, I did like Carlos slightly better in the last third/quarter of the book, don’t know if it was because by that time I was used to him or because he actually grew on me a little. It was just too little too late.
Given that this is a Don’t Read in the Closet story and Kaje was so very generous to donate her time and talent to write a full-length novel, I feel bad rating only 2 stars a book that by any other author would’ve been a dnf without rating.
Truth be told, if it were any other author and I had managed to finish it, I would have probably stretched the rating to 3 stars. With great talent come great expectations though, and I definitely expected better from one of my favorite authors.
August 26, 2015
It started off strong and got a little mushy in the back half. The whole was unnecessary in my view, and it would have been tighter, and a better love story, without it.
Still, Kaje Harper can write, her characters are people, and the romance is believable and satisfying.
Still, Kaje Harper can write, her characters are people, and the romance is believable and satisfying.
March 8, 2016
There is one thing I am always guaranteed when I read a Kaje Harper book. She will often tackle issues that aren't always mainstream, or may just be becoming the norm. It's one of the reasons I so enjoy her work, and I was very excited to read 'Chasing Death Metal Dreams'.
"He’d always been alone, in a way, a stranger in his own house, his own family. A pang of homesickness washed over him, and he shoved it down, pressing his lips together, folding his arms tighter. Mamá and Papá didn’t want him, not the way he was. There was no going back."
Carlos was everything I expected him to be. Lonely, vulnerable, angry, talented, hurt, transgender, and not knowing what he really needed to fill that hole in his life. Nate was even better than I had hoped he would be. Caring, smart, talented, loyal, vulnerable, and needing more than he ever thought he did. Everything Carlos did, from daringly exposing his trans upper body scars to Nate, to defiantly living his life his way, showed me the little boy who boldly told his parents "I am not a girl". His courage constantly astounded me, and my heart broke for the little boy whose parents sent him to his aunt and uncle because he disgusted them, when he was ten.
I can't say that I'm a fan of metal bands, but I have an immense amount of respect for artists, of any kind, who put their heart and soul into what they do. Carlos's band, KnifeSwitch, could be awesome - sometimes they are - but their bass player is an addict and he dropped the ball when they needed him most. Carlos writes incredible lyrics, and Mia is a wicked drummer. It's all Carlos has ever wanted, all he thinks he can be, is a musician in a band trying to make it.
"In a minute he needed to get up and find Mia. In a minute he had to move on and do the next thing, be a man, clear out their gear and figure out if he even still had a band. But now, for just a minute, he gave himself permission to mourn a dream. He raised his knees, put his face down on them, and cried."
I want to say I'm shocked and stunned by how fantastic this book was, but I'm not because this author has wowed me many, many times. An emotional and very bittersweet story, that is beautifully written. Carlos and Nate were so perfect for each other, and the way the author handled some of the issues was hands-down brilliant. I needed a couple of tissues for the ending, and that just cemented it as an incredible novel.
"He’d always been alone, in a way, a stranger in his own house, his own family. A pang of homesickness washed over him, and he shoved it down, pressing his lips together, folding his arms tighter. Mamá and Papá didn’t want him, not the way he was. There was no going back."
Carlos was everything I expected him to be. Lonely, vulnerable, angry, talented, hurt, transgender, and not knowing what he really needed to fill that hole in his life. Nate was even better than I had hoped he would be. Caring, smart, talented, loyal, vulnerable, and needing more than he ever thought he did. Everything Carlos did, from daringly exposing his trans upper body scars to Nate, to defiantly living his life his way, showed me the little boy who boldly told his parents "I am not a girl". His courage constantly astounded me, and my heart broke for the little boy whose parents sent him to his aunt and uncle because he disgusted them, when he was ten.
I can't say that I'm a fan of metal bands, but I have an immense amount of respect for artists, of any kind, who put their heart and soul into what they do. Carlos's band, KnifeSwitch, could be awesome - sometimes they are - but their bass player is an addict and he dropped the ball when they needed him most. Carlos writes incredible lyrics, and Mia is a wicked drummer. It's all Carlos has ever wanted, all he thinks he can be, is a musician in a band trying to make it.
"In a minute he needed to get up and find Mia. In a minute he had to move on and do the next thing, be a man, clear out their gear and figure out if he even still had a band. But now, for just a minute, he gave himself permission to mourn a dream. He raised his knees, put his face down on them, and cried."
I want to say I'm shocked and stunned by how fantastic this book was, but I'm not because this author has wowed me many, many times. An emotional and very bittersweet story, that is beautifully written. Carlos and Nate were so perfect for each other, and the way the author handled some of the issues was hands-down brilliant. I needed a couple of tissues for the ending, and that just cemented it as an incredible novel.
Want to read
August 6, 2015It's a little odd to see Kael T Block pop up here, considering the not so pretty controvery surrounding him... But objectively, he is a very hot guy.
January 1, 2018
Let me start by saying that I picked this DRitC story thinking it was only 90 pages. I kept thinking that the characters Kate Harper created were depicted with quite a bit of depth for which a short book. I was also wondering why it was taking me so long to read 90 pages. I thought that maybe it was due to a change in my medication. Color me silly. I picked up a full length novel.
I wish I had known, so I could have leaned back and settled into the story instead of wondering how it was going to get wrapped up. Regardless, I enjoyed this tale of a gay, trans metal musician and an artist.
Kate Harper wrote an incredible depiction of a trans man, Carlos, providing us a history via flashbacks. She even gets into the nitty gritty of sex and treats her characters with grace and respect. Some of the memories he provides are heartbreaking to read.
There’s so much more I could write, but it’s way past my bedtime.
Read this.
I wish I had known, so I could have leaned back and settled into the story instead of wondering how it was going to get wrapped up. Regardless, I enjoyed this tale of a gay, trans metal musician and an artist.
Kate Harper wrote an incredible depiction of a trans man, Carlos, providing us a history via flashbacks. She even gets into the nitty gritty of sex and treats her characters with grace and respect. Some of the memories he provides are heartbreaking to read.
There’s so much more I could write, but it’s way past my bedtime.
Read this.
February 2, 2017
I downloaded this ages and ages ago, a freebie from one of my favourite authors and yes, I really liked it, it was informative as well as entertaining.
The book synopsis is well worth reading, the "Dear Author" section, because frankly, I don't like being hit with transgender issues in my m/m literature without warning - it's not that I have anything against transgender, I just like to be forewarned.
So saying the synopsis in this novel was succinct in its detail, without giving too much of the plot away.
Superbly depicted protagonists and secondary characters, angsty at times and a great full-length novel. I don't understand or particularly like Heavy Metal music but as a theme it doesn't detract from the story.
Well worth downloading.
The book synopsis is well worth reading, the "Dear Author" section, because frankly, I don't like being hit with transgender issues in my m/m literature without warning - it's not that I have anything against transgender, I just like to be forewarned.
So saying the synopsis in this novel was succinct in its detail, without giving too much of the plot away.
Superbly depicted protagonists and secondary characters, angsty at times and a great full-length novel. I don't understand or particularly like Heavy Metal music but as a theme it doesn't detract from the story.
Well worth downloading.
August 5, 2015
I love reading and watching stories about trans people. I really don't know why, but their struggles and successes strikes some secret chord within me and I am very deeply moved and fascinated by the beauty and bravery in these tales.
This was a very very good story and it taught me some new facets of being a trans man. It is also a fantastic romance and a pretty good
story about being a musician.
I loved it very much and I would have paid good money for it. It is a wonderful novel and I admire Kaje Harper for putting it out there for free.
December 16, 2015
Awesome free read. Great writing and I loved the characters.
September 29, 2015
I picked up this gem of a book because I follow the author and saw the release on the GR update feed, and hello…FREE!
It took me a bit to understand what I was getting, because I had to follow a link to an unfamiliar location to download it. And, because I didn’t really understand what the “Love is an Open Road” event was all about. I totally get the concept of an author writing from inspiration garnered from a photo, or a letter, or…finding a story on the wind. But, I didn’t really get down to my bones what was being done until I’d downloaded on my kindle and I read the information page.
What a beautiful thing this is. For this event, I’m guessing most stories the authors write are shorts or novellas – rarely a full novel. So that’s one thing that makes this truly special. That Kaje Harper was inspired to write a full novel from a photo and a two paragraph letter from a reader/fan/group member is huge, I’m guessing. That shit takes time – lots of time, and research, and development of characters, plot, and on and on. Then add in the time for betas, editors, all the revising and edits, formatting, cover art, etc. HUGE effort!
So thoughts…I’m a bit overwhelmed to be honest.
I’ve never read a book with a transgendered hero. I can’t say I’ve avoided it, because I don’t think that’s true. But it’s not something I’ve actively sought out, and, as far as I’m aware, it hasn’t crossed my radar.
So, here I am with this book, my first transgendered based romance. It was a whole new experience for me. And it fucking did its job in a glorious way. It took me to a new place and into an unfamiliar mindset of a specific sort of life experience, pain, and wanting of which I had only my own intellectual assumptions.
Before the story even started I was moved to tears by the Dear Author letter. I haven’t seen the inspirational picture – but it’s in my head in a crystal clear kind of way that I don’t know that I really have to seek it out. I think I’ve got it – or I just really, really like the picture in my head.
The prologue – GOD! Tears…and and more tears. What fucking palpable and gut-wrenching fear and courage for little Carlos. I could just see it – and almost smell the classroom – and wonder if my 10-year-old self would have made friends with the new kid in town. I think I would have.
The story from beginning to end, the hesitancy, the fear, but above all the fucking life-long determination for an honest life, love, and a long-shot career – all of it was phenomenal. And, I’ll add that it wouldn’t be a hardship for this reader if Kaje Harper turned this into a series…*hint, hint*
Kaje Harper can tell a story with layers of down-to-earth humanity surrounding the MCs with a real and diverse cast of supporting characters that makes this reader want to just immerse myself among them all and be their friends and supporters. I wanted in to mosh with the headbangers, and hug the tough and feisty Carlos, and to cheer for him to get to the place of trusting Nate. I loved them all.
To the Letter Writer: Thank you for submitting your letter and an inspirational picture, and for being an inspiration to Kaje Harper. Thank you for the tiny glimpse of your life through your letter; and, whether the story mirrors your life or not, thank you for being the inspiration to give (at least this reader) a new experience and some new perspective.
I hope you have the love and support of good people, and if not the love and support of family by blood, the a family of your choosing. I hope your life is overflowing with wonderful things. I hope you’re finally happy and content in your skin. I hope you have your Nate or Natalie…or whomever – or that you will soon. I hope for you full and beautiful life of just being you.
It took me a bit to understand what I was getting, because I had to follow a link to an unfamiliar location to download it. And, because I didn’t really understand what the “Love is an Open Road” event was all about. I totally get the concept of an author writing from inspiration garnered from a photo, or a letter, or…finding a story on the wind. But, I didn’t really get down to my bones what was being done until I’d downloaded on my kindle and I read the information page.
What a beautiful thing this is. For this event, I’m guessing most stories the authors write are shorts or novellas – rarely a full novel. So that’s one thing that makes this truly special. That Kaje Harper was inspired to write a full novel from a photo and a two paragraph letter from a reader/fan/group member is huge, I’m guessing. That shit takes time – lots of time, and research, and development of characters, plot, and on and on. Then add in the time for betas, editors, all the revising and edits, formatting, cover art, etc. HUGE effort!
So thoughts…I’m a bit overwhelmed to be honest.
I’ve never read a book with a transgendered hero. I can’t say I’ve avoided it, because I don’t think that’s true. But it’s not something I’ve actively sought out, and, as far as I’m aware, it hasn’t crossed my radar.
So, here I am with this book, my first transgendered based romance. It was a whole new experience for me. And it fucking did its job in a glorious way. It took me to a new place and into an unfamiliar mindset of a specific sort of life experience, pain, and wanting of which I had only my own intellectual assumptions.
Before the story even started I was moved to tears by the Dear Author letter. I haven’t seen the inspirational picture – but it’s in my head in a crystal clear kind of way that I don’t know that I really have to seek it out. I think I’ve got it – or I just really, really like the picture in my head.
The prologue – GOD! Tears…and and more tears. What fucking palpable and gut-wrenching fear and courage for little Carlos. I could just see it – and almost smell the classroom – and wonder if my 10-year-old self would have made friends with the new kid in town. I think I would have.
The story from beginning to end, the hesitancy, the fear, but above all the fucking life-long determination for an honest life, love, and a long-shot career – all of it was phenomenal. And, I’ll add that it wouldn’t be a hardship for this reader if Kaje Harper turned this into a series…*hint, hint*
Kaje Harper can tell a story with layers of down-to-earth humanity surrounding the MCs with a real and diverse cast of supporting characters that makes this reader want to just immerse myself among them all and be their friends and supporters. I wanted in to mosh with the headbangers, and hug the tough and feisty Carlos, and to cheer for him to get to the place of trusting Nate. I loved them all.
To the Letter Writer: Thank you for submitting your letter and an inspirational picture, and for being an inspiration to Kaje Harper. Thank you for the tiny glimpse of your life through your letter; and, whether the story mirrors your life or not, thank you for being the inspiration to give (at least this reader) a new experience and some new perspective.
I hope you have the love and support of good people, and if not the love and support of family by blood, the a family of your choosing. I hope your life is overflowing with wonderful things. I hope you’re finally happy and content in your skin. I hope you have your Nate or Natalie…or whomever – or that you will soon. I hope for you full and beautiful life of just being you.
August 10, 2015
Somewhere along the line of 3.5 to 4 stars. Rounded up because the awesome Kaje Harper did not only participate in the amazing DRitC event again, but did so with a fantastic full novel.
So don't mind me giving this "only" 4 rounded-up-stars -- that has probably more to do with me not really being into the whole musicians/(wannabe) rock-stars trope in general.
Because I must admit that I don't have a musical bone in me, never even had the urge to learn how to play an instrument and never really connected to music like so many others seem to do. You'll probably find me turning off music because it grates on my nerves more often than turning it on. Haha. :'D
Weel, anyhow. Kudos to Mrs. Harper for taking on this lovely and maybe a bit challenging prompt and turning it into this really fun, maybe even though-provoking story!
So don't mind me giving this "only" 4 rounded-up-stars -- that has probably more to do with me not really being into the whole musicians/(wannabe) rock-stars trope in general.
Because I must admit that I don't have a musical bone in me, never even had the urge to learn how to play an instrument and never really connected to music like so many others seem to do. You'll probably find me turning off music because it grates on my nerves more often than turning it on. Haha. :'D
Weel, anyhow. Kudos to Mrs. Harper for taking on this lovely and maybe a bit challenging prompt and turning it into this really fun, maybe even though-provoking story!
August 1, 2015
Wow, this story hits hard! Carlos's childhood is heartbreaking, the rest of the tale uplifting....guts, determination to be true to himself, and people around him who love him unconditionally. Just wonderful.
September 7, 2016
4.5 Stars
Want to read
August 1, 2015I had the privildge of beta reading this one
Can't wait to read the final version
Can't wait to read the final version
August 3, 2015
This is a full length novel from Love is an Open Road.
It was simply "wow"!
Carlos - where do you even begin? He has to fight to literally be the man he is, in body and life.....but his determination just lifts off the page - sometimes to his detriment when he closes off to those around him. His dreams of heading a metal band and his song writing are his focus. Then he meets Nate. Nate, sweet Nate. He was trusting, loyal and became the rock in which Carlos could finally have the relationship and family that he craved.
The story was not about how Carlos became. a transgender man, the scenes around this were handled sensitively and were not the focus of the story, but rather the journey to his well-being. There were moments of joy, grief, disbelief and frustration and I was invested in each one. The one moment my heart broke was after the Sparkfest concert and he cried.....that effing hurt *gah*…………
There is some drama and a little mystery hunt and it is quite frightening how we are all so accessible via the internet!!! The secondary characters, Mia, Eli, Aunt Lisa and even dickhead Foster added to the story. It finished on strong HFN. The epilogue was simple. No hearts or flowers, maybe a little fluff......but really, just a reinforcement of their commitment to each other, the wrist tattoo was poignant.......and I was listening to the FooFighters whilst reading this book and it was quite apt that the ending lyric on the last sentence was "make my way back home and learn to fly"......just sums it up.......*sigh*.......
It was simply "wow"!
Carlos - where do you even begin? He has to fight to literally be the man he is, in body and life.....but his determination just lifts off the page - sometimes to his detriment when he closes off to those around him. His dreams of heading a metal band and his song writing are his focus. Then he meets Nate. Nate, sweet Nate. He was trusting, loyal and became the rock in which Carlos could finally have the relationship and family that he craved.
The story was not about how Carlos became. a transgender man, the scenes around this were handled sensitively and were not the focus of the story, but rather the journey to his well-being. There were moments of joy, grief, disbelief and frustration and I was invested in each one. The one moment my heart broke was after the Sparkfest concert and he cried.....that effing hurt *gah*…………
There is some drama and a little mystery hunt and it is quite frightening how we are all so accessible via the internet!!! The secondary characters, Mia, Eli, Aunt Lisa and even dickhead Foster added to the story. It finished on strong HFN. The epilogue was simple. No hearts or flowers, maybe a little fluff......but really, just a reinforcement of their commitment to each other, the wrist tattoo was poignant.......and I was listening to the FooFighters whilst reading this book and it was quite apt that the ending lyric on the last sentence was "make my way back home and learn to fly"......just sums it up.......*sigh*.......
March 26, 2016
Enjoyed this story but something holds me back from awarding the full five. Perhaps finding love changed Carlos but I found it a bit hard to believe that he enjoyed playing "second fiddle" in a band when he been the lead singer in his own. Loved reading about a trans person and thought Kaje treated this with great respect and good research.
4.5 stars
4.5 stars
August 2, 2015
And Kaje Harper hits another one out of the park. Gritty raw and real emotions. Nicely woven plot. Interesting secondary characters. And one man's determination to never give up, to take just one more chance. Really good read.
August 16, 2015
I adored this story. Wonderful slow build. For around the last twenty percent I had a permanent smile on my face. Nate and Carlos were so perfect for one another.
Recommended!
Recommended!
August 10, 2015
Was it a surprise I enjoyed this as much as I did... maybe, maybe not. But we are talking Kaja Harper... nuf said.
August 12, 2015
I can't begin to describe how great this was to read. A story about a gay man trying to find his way in an environment that doesn't approve of homosexuality but then finds love.
Carlos was such a complex and multi layered character.
He gave off the tough guy act to hide his vulnerability. I loved that he was a hot death metal musician. I loved that he was close to his tia. That he wrote beautiful lyrics. There was just so much about him to love that it was hard to narrow down.
I think that Nate was such a perfect balance for Carlos. He totally mellowed Carlos' rough edges and made him seem happy and lighter. You could "see" that Carlos was less weighted by negativity and broodiness. I loved that love that they had for each other. I also really liked that both men made mistakes but were able to apologize, talk it out, and act like adults. I also liked that both men just wanted to fuck at first and then it slowly morphed into something more. It was a slow build filled with tentative phone calls and hesitant sharing. Very realistic considering what both men had been through.
What I really loved was that the author did not solely focus on Carlos' trans-ness. He was so many things wrapped up in one person and to focus on one aspect of him would be a disservice. So a big applause to Kaje for writing a story about a trans man, but not exploiting or objectifying the fact that he is trans.
Something that greatly resonated with me was the prologue of this book.
"This is not a game. This is not a whim or a wish. See me."
I believe that we need to support anyone at any stage of their transition or trans awareness. But I think that we need to do this for children especially. They do not have the agency to do it on their own. They need love and support, and to not give them this is monumental mistake. They need to know that there is nothing wrong with them. Trans kids do not need people who they trust and love to police their gender. Reading this story really highlighted how frustrating and confusing it is for them. And it broke my heart seeing Carlos being so misunderstood as a child.
I think that Kaje did such an amazing job showing trans issues while not focusing solely on Carlos as a trans man. I can't wait to read more stories like this, where people who are not part of the female/male gender binary are treated with the respect that cis gendered people get.
Plus can I get a "what what" for Carlos being a person of color(especially a Mexican)! I was reading a saw that we use the same curse words and have family members that make the same food, and have similar familial traditions. It's very hard to be able to connect to a character in a story culturally when you are a person of color. For the obvious reason that most of the characters are white. So I loved being able to have this form of diversity, especially when we were the same ethnicity.
The only thing that I have to complain about was the drawn out blackmail scheme. That felt very unnecessary and I felt like it took away from the story. It seemed like it was solely done as a catalyst for the fight/separation. And the whole time I was reading it I was thinking of the many different things that could have been used to ensue the fight.
Overall, I really loved and enjoyed this story. It was very real and raw in some parts but still funny in others. I liked the pairing between Nate and Carlos they were such a great balance for each other. Some of the conversations between them were kind of lame, but you could see how much they cared for each other.
I highly recommend this read! Plus it is super long for a free read! I would love to read a follow up novella or an extended epilogue of some sort.
Carlos was such a complex and multi layered character.
He gave off the tough guy act to hide his vulnerability. I loved that he was a hot death metal musician. I loved that he was close to his tia. That he wrote beautiful lyrics. There was just so much about him to love that it was hard to narrow down.
I think that Nate was such a perfect balance for Carlos. He totally mellowed Carlos' rough edges and made him seem happy and lighter. You could "see" that Carlos was less weighted by negativity and broodiness. I loved that love that they had for each other. I also really liked that both men made mistakes but were able to apologize, talk it out, and act like adults. I also liked that both men just wanted to fuck at first and then it slowly morphed into something more. It was a slow build filled with tentative phone calls and hesitant sharing. Very realistic considering what both men had been through.
What I really loved was that the author did not solely focus on Carlos' trans-ness. He was so many things wrapped up in one person and to focus on one aspect of him would be a disservice. So a big applause to Kaje for writing a story about a trans man, but not exploiting or objectifying the fact that he is trans.
Something that greatly resonated with me was the prologue of this book.
"This is not a game. This is not a whim or a wish. See me."
I believe that we need to support anyone at any stage of their transition or trans awareness. But I think that we need to do this for children especially. They do not have the agency to do it on their own. They need love and support, and to not give them this is monumental mistake. They need to know that there is nothing wrong with them. Trans kids do not need people who they trust and love to police their gender. Reading this story really highlighted how frustrating and confusing it is for them. And it broke my heart seeing Carlos being so misunderstood as a child.
I think that Kaje did such an amazing job showing trans issues while not focusing solely on Carlos as a trans man. I can't wait to read more stories like this, where people who are not part of the female/male gender binary are treated with the respect that cis gendered people get.
Plus can I get a "what what" for Carlos being a person of color(especially a Mexican)! I was reading a saw that we use the same curse words and have family members that make the same food, and have similar familial traditions. It's very hard to be able to connect to a character in a story culturally when you are a person of color. For the obvious reason that most of the characters are white. So I loved being able to have this form of diversity, especially when we were the same ethnicity.
The only thing that I have to complain about was the drawn out blackmail scheme. That felt very unnecessary and I felt like it took away from the story. It seemed like it was solely done as a catalyst for the fight/separation. And the whole time I was reading it I was thinking of the many different things that could have been used to ensue the fight.
Overall, I really loved and enjoyed this story. It was very real and raw in some parts but still funny in others. I liked the pairing between Nate and Carlos they were such a great balance for each other. Some of the conversations between them were kind of lame, but you could see how much they cared for each other.
I highly recommend this read! Plus it is super long for a free read! I would love to read a follow up novella or an extended epilogue of some sort.
November 16, 2015
I have enjoyed most of the books I've read by Kaje Harper. But this one just didn't win my heart. It's a good story but only 2 star rating for me.
Carlos had a very difficult life. You would empathise with him.
The reason why I give this 2 stars is because I couldn't bond with the characters. So even though their experiences are impressive and admirable, they were just words on paper, not something I might remember come next month. So, ignore my rating and try the story yourself.
Carlos had a very difficult life. You would empathise with him.
The reason why I give this 2 stars is because I couldn't bond with the characters. So even though their experiences are impressive and admirable, they were just words on paper, not something I might remember come next month. So, ignore my rating and try the story yourself.
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