What do you think?
Rate this book
An Affair with My Mother: A Story of Adoption, Secrecy and Love
Caitriona Palmer had a happy childhood, raised by loving adoptive parents. In her late twenties, she located her birth mother, Sarah, and they developed a strong attachment. But Sarah set one painful condition to this joyous new she wished to keep it secret, from everyone. Who was Sarah, and why did she want to preserve a decades-old secret? This is the story of Caitriona's quest to answer these questions, and of the intense, furtive "affair" she and her mother conducted. It is a searing portrait of the social and familial forces that left Sarah—and many other unwed Irish mothers of her generation—frightened, traumatized, and bereft. It is also a beautiful account of a remarkable relationship.
256 pages, Paperback
First published April 26, 2016
28 people are currently reading
406 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
May 29, 2016
A young unmarried Irish girl gets pregnant in the 1970s, gives birth while shrouded in Catholic shame, and relinquishes the baby in a secret adoption. The trauma of that secret never leaves her. This beautiful memoir is written by that relinquished baby turned adult daughter who chronicles her search for her birth mother and the real story behind the many convent-run "unwed mother and baby homes". I highly recommend.
February 13, 2019
An incredible feat, to have put together the narrative of her intersecting lives, the one she was born into and the one she was hustled into via adoption. It feels carefully (too carefully) constructed and yet there is anger underneath, admitted to only briefly and rarely explored in the narrative, despite lifting the lid on the Irish adoption experience, it felt like much was left unwritten (or perhaps written in a first draft and rejected) replaced with an overdose of gratitude.
I find myself thinking, despite the 14 years or so of secrecy she is forced into, having met her birth mother but unable to meet anyone else in the family, thus the reference to 'an affair', that Catriona was indeed the lucky one, for the shame put upon the birth mother, the contract she is made to sign, the two bigoted, interfering women, the robed men who as part of a system of domination, decided to institutionalise and punish only women and rid society of their illegitimate children, supposedly cleansing them and reattaching them to more worthy parents - a system that made that poor young women live with the consequences of an act of two people, not one - was and continues to be callous, horrendous and cruel. And it lives on, they will never be free of that fear and shame instilled into them and they will have passed it down (and no doubt had it passed to them).
It's appalling the way women have been treated, the patriarchal system of domination, using language like the 'traditional family' to enforce a highly punitive model of unrealistic behaviour that provoked fear, caused trauma, ensuring continued domination.
For a more considered review of the book, see my blog review at Word by Word here:
https://clairemca.wordpress.com/2019/...
I find myself thinking, despite the 14 years or so of secrecy she is forced into, having met her birth mother but unable to meet anyone else in the family, thus the reference to 'an affair', that Catriona was indeed the lucky one, for the shame put upon the birth mother, the contract she is made to sign, the two bigoted, interfering women, the robed men who as part of a system of domination, decided to institutionalise and punish only women and rid society of their illegitimate children, supposedly cleansing them and reattaching them to more worthy parents - a system that made that poor young women live with the consequences of an act of two people, not one - was and continues to be callous, horrendous and cruel. And it lives on, they will never be free of that fear and shame instilled into them and they will have passed it down (and no doubt had it passed to them).
It's appalling the way women have been treated, the patriarchal system of domination, using language like the 'traditional family' to enforce a highly punitive model of unrealistic behaviour that provoked fear, caused trauma, ensuring continued domination.
For a more considered review of the book, see my blog review at Word by Word here:
https://clairemca.wordpress.com/2019/...
May 19, 2021
I loved this thoughtful memoir. It is one of my favourite explorations of adoption reunion. It uncovers all the secrets and pain that can come up when we are rejected or kept hidden from biological family. Caitriona is a fabulous journalist and following her personal story was at times heart-wrenching. There is still a scene I've recounted to many adoptees who are in a similar situation. Her stories are seared into my brain. A wonderful gift, especially to the adoptee community.
March 14, 2019
After finding a half sister 3 years ago, we never knew about. I am constantly trying to understand and know my mother’s story. She died 27 years ago, never telling any of us. If my Dad, who died in 2012, ever knew he never said and for some reason, deep inside I don’t believe he did know. I couldn’t put the book down. I understood her need to know and visit the places from not only her past, but Sarah’s. I felt at times, Caitriona was a bit selfish in her needs. I worried about Sarah more, maybe because I was reading for my mother, maybe she felt fragile to me, I’m not sure. As the daughter raised by my mother, it’s easy for me to feel that way but if my “new” sister felt as strongly as Caitriona and searched as she did, maybe I would be more understanding. Mom was of Irish Catholic ethnicity, but only 2nd generation American. I think the Irish Catholic teachings were so strong, they reached the U.S. This was well written and I would recommend it.
July 5, 2016
Very moving. beautifully written.
July 23, 2016
Well written, thought provoking.
August 8, 2021
Of all the books and articles that I have read in recent years that detail the damage done by the symbiotic relationship between Church and State in Ireland since the foundation of the Irish State, this is one of the most important (in my opinion). Although I was always, almost laughably clearly, the biological child of both my parents, my childhood was not all that different from that of the author of this book. However, I have a strong belief in the rights of all individuals to all the details of their biological heritage, should they wish to have those details. It is their heritage, and the idea that any institution might have the right to withhold that information from them is something I simply cannot understand or credit.
I grew up in pretty much the same part of Dublin's northside at the same time as the author. We were born within around 18 months of one another; I'd wager we probably went to some of the same teenage discos and knew some of the same people. We both had decent, loving homes where education was valued. The one childhood playmate I remember who was adopted on my road, I remember as a very well-adjusted and secure child. I never really thought being adopted marked her out as different from the other kids on our road, except that I somehow got it into my head that she was special and magical, on account of having been specifically chosen, rather than just appearing out of her mother's tummy the way the rest of us had done. I am unsure where I got this idea; it may have been the way in which my own parents explained adoption in response to childish questions. As a result, I grew up thinking for many years that being adopted must make people feel incredibly special and anointed in some way. It was only later that I became aware of the emotional minefield that it could represent for many individuals involved.
As a teenager and into my student years, I had a poster up on my wall that detailed milestones in the injustices done to women that had been perpetrated by the systemic twisted double standards of sexual morality, and culture of secrets and lies, in Ireland. Such milestones included women who reported rape and brought it to trial then being quizzed on their attire when the rape took place and their characters attacked in court, to the death of 15-year-old Ann Lovett and her newborn child after giving birth at a grotto in Granard, Co. Longford.
No one institution was solely responsible for the suffering caused to women, and many men, including the boyfriend of Ann Lovett, whose suffering seems to have been profound in the years since the tragedy occurred, to the point where in interviews he has appeared somewhat broken. Church, State, and societal norms and attitudes co-mingled in a toxic way to create these situations. My interest in these injustices carried over to my third-level studies, to the point where I was encouraged to do a post-grad in gender and women's studies, the tuition paid for by the government at the behest of a forward-thinking female Minister for Education at the time, Niamh Breathnach. Obviously, at government level, there was some recognition of the need for proactive measures to bring about societal and attitudinal change. The reactions I received in social situations on relating what my studies consisted of bore that out - often, they consisted of hostile rants. This wasn't only confined to men, as many Irish women at the time were deeply reluctant to call themselves feminists, and had a deeply ignorant, cartoonish idea of what feminism entailed, I found. The fact that they could now freely vote, study at third level, pursue paid work, and use contraception due to the efforts of first-wave and second-wave feminists was somewhat lost on many, even as they availed of all of these benefits. The women of the suffrage movements in earlier times were similarly stereotyped in their time, while everybody was happy to avail of the fruits of their perilous labours.
Many in Irish society, even into the '90s still felt that a Big Brother style policing and control over human sexuality was justified, but particularly over female sexuality and women's reproductive systems. In cases of pregnancy outside of marriage, it was generally the woman who was shamed and blamed - often, she was institutionalized in a convent to perform what amounted to slave labour in laundries to pay off her supposed debt to society, while her child was adopted out to a family deemed suitably respectable and Catholic, either in Ireland or abroad. If she was a slightly 'better class' of woman, Church institutions would help her to conceal her pregnancy and birth, then would arrange the adoption of the child, while the woman returned to her working life, her 'virtuous' reputation intact. This was the case with the author's biological mother.
According to Palmer, who has meticulously researched the socio-political background against which her own adoption occurred, the architect of much of this philosophy was a Rev. Cecil J. Barrett. The extracts from his writings reproduced in this book do not shock me, as this is the philosophy that still largely prevailed in the Ireland I remember as a child and adolescent, but I sense that if an Irish millennial or Gen Z person were confronted with these passages, their jaw would drop to the floor in astonishment, and thank goodness for that.
Palmer is a journalist, and it shows in this book. Her writing is elegant, engaging, and honest, and at times I teared up when confronted with the reality of what 'Sarah', Palmer's birth mother, had experienced as a young teacher, and the guilt that she suffered throughout her life due to giving up her child. In the Ireland of that time, it really was a choice between giving up your child or becoming destitute. The options if you wanted to keep your livelihood were extremely stark. In the case of Sarah, the biological father literally pretended not to hear her when she informed him of her pregnancy, then ignored her and gave her the silent treatment as they sat in the pub together. He was already two-timing another woman by being with Sarah, a woman from the respectable part of the town (probably the daughter of a local bigwig), and left Sarah to cope on her own while he went on to marry the socially respectable 'Aileen', facing absolutely no responsibility or accountability. On being tentatively approached about Sarah's existence and his affair with her, as part of Palmer's bid to meet him decades later, he continues to deny any knowledge of the episode, despite Palmer noticing how similar she looks to some of her half-siblings by her biological father in a family wedding video she stumbles upon on YouTube during her research.
From a young age, it has always struck me as preposterous that the term 'illegitimate' ever existed to describe babies and children, who deserve to be loved and cherished regardless of the circumstances of their birth, such circumstances being nothing to do with their own actions. The fact that independent Ireland was, for many decades, a resounding ethical failure in this regard is coming to light in the starkest of terms in recent years in the mother-and-baby home scandals.
Ireland has a lot of atoning to do, and acknowledging these past misdeeds is a part of that. Each time somebody like Catriona Palmer steps forward to bravely shine a light on an aspect of these truths, it is a stepping stone toward our maturation as a country.
This is a great read, not only because of the above issues, but because its author is obviously a highly substantial individual, who has had a fascinating life above and beyond her adoption story, working at a very young age as part of a team exhuming mass graves and identifying remains in Bosnia, as well as going on to pursue a thriving career as a journalist. Here she has made a valuable contribution to the literature re-evaluating the Church/State relationship that presided over Irish society for a long and dreary time, creating double moral standards that in many ways demonized and increased the sufferings of women, non-Catholics, and the poor.
An independent documentarian doing a retrospective on faith-based anti-Iraq war activism 20 years on asked me recently, 'How do you square the feminism with the faith-based part, given the role of the Catholic Church around women in Ireland?' I never really did square it that way; the Gospels detail the life of a man who went around fearlessly challenging the religious and political authorities of his day, and their meaningless stipulations, and who died as a result of these loving actions. I have no problem believing that this man was God incarnated. If my faith were to depend solely upon a regard for any institution, it would not exist. Sadly, the love we see in the Gospels was historically all too lacking in Ireland on the part of many (though not all) of those purporting to be his representatives on Earth, even if some genuinely thought that their actions were morally correct.
I grew up in pretty much the same part of Dublin's northside at the same time as the author. We were born within around 18 months of one another; I'd wager we probably went to some of the same teenage discos and knew some of the same people. We both had decent, loving homes where education was valued. The one childhood playmate I remember who was adopted on my road, I remember as a very well-adjusted and secure child. I never really thought being adopted marked her out as different from the other kids on our road, except that I somehow got it into my head that she was special and magical, on account of having been specifically chosen, rather than just appearing out of her mother's tummy the way the rest of us had done. I am unsure where I got this idea; it may have been the way in which my own parents explained adoption in response to childish questions. As a result, I grew up thinking for many years that being adopted must make people feel incredibly special and anointed in some way. It was only later that I became aware of the emotional minefield that it could represent for many individuals involved.
As a teenager and into my student years, I had a poster up on my wall that detailed milestones in the injustices done to women that had been perpetrated by the systemic twisted double standards of sexual morality, and culture of secrets and lies, in Ireland. Such milestones included women who reported rape and brought it to trial then being quizzed on their attire when the rape took place and their characters attacked in court, to the death of 15-year-old Ann Lovett and her newborn child after giving birth at a grotto in Granard, Co. Longford.
No one institution was solely responsible for the suffering caused to women, and many men, including the boyfriend of Ann Lovett, whose suffering seems to have been profound in the years since the tragedy occurred, to the point where in interviews he has appeared somewhat broken. Church, State, and societal norms and attitudes co-mingled in a toxic way to create these situations. My interest in these injustices carried over to my third-level studies, to the point where I was encouraged to do a post-grad in gender and women's studies, the tuition paid for by the government at the behest of a forward-thinking female Minister for Education at the time, Niamh Breathnach. Obviously, at government level, there was some recognition of the need for proactive measures to bring about societal and attitudinal change. The reactions I received in social situations on relating what my studies consisted of bore that out - often, they consisted of hostile rants. This wasn't only confined to men, as many Irish women at the time were deeply reluctant to call themselves feminists, and had a deeply ignorant, cartoonish idea of what feminism entailed, I found. The fact that they could now freely vote, study at third level, pursue paid work, and use contraception due to the efforts of first-wave and second-wave feminists was somewhat lost on many, even as they availed of all of these benefits. The women of the suffrage movements in earlier times were similarly stereotyped in their time, while everybody was happy to avail of the fruits of their perilous labours.
Many in Irish society, even into the '90s still felt that a Big Brother style policing and control over human sexuality was justified, but particularly over female sexuality and women's reproductive systems. In cases of pregnancy outside of marriage, it was generally the woman who was shamed and blamed - often, she was institutionalized in a convent to perform what amounted to slave labour in laundries to pay off her supposed debt to society, while her child was adopted out to a family deemed suitably respectable and Catholic, either in Ireland or abroad. If she was a slightly 'better class' of woman, Church institutions would help her to conceal her pregnancy and birth, then would arrange the adoption of the child, while the woman returned to her working life, her 'virtuous' reputation intact. This was the case with the author's biological mother.
According to Palmer, who has meticulously researched the socio-political background against which her own adoption occurred, the architect of much of this philosophy was a Rev. Cecil J. Barrett. The extracts from his writings reproduced in this book do not shock me, as this is the philosophy that still largely prevailed in the Ireland I remember as a child and adolescent, but I sense that if an Irish millennial or Gen Z person were confronted with these passages, their jaw would drop to the floor in astonishment, and thank goodness for that.
Palmer is a journalist, and it shows in this book. Her writing is elegant, engaging, and honest, and at times I teared up when confronted with the reality of what 'Sarah', Palmer's birth mother, had experienced as a young teacher, and the guilt that she suffered throughout her life due to giving up her child. In the Ireland of that time, it really was a choice between giving up your child or becoming destitute. The options if you wanted to keep your livelihood were extremely stark. In the case of Sarah, the biological father literally pretended not to hear her when she informed him of her pregnancy, then ignored her and gave her the silent treatment as they sat in the pub together. He was already two-timing another woman by being with Sarah, a woman from the respectable part of the town (probably the daughter of a local bigwig), and left Sarah to cope on her own while he went on to marry the socially respectable 'Aileen', facing absolutely no responsibility or accountability. On being tentatively approached about Sarah's existence and his affair with her, as part of Palmer's bid to meet him decades later, he continues to deny any knowledge of the episode, despite Palmer noticing how similar she looks to some of her half-siblings by her biological father in a family wedding video she stumbles upon on YouTube during her research.
From a young age, it has always struck me as preposterous that the term 'illegitimate' ever existed to describe babies and children, who deserve to be loved and cherished regardless of the circumstances of their birth, such circumstances being nothing to do with their own actions. The fact that independent Ireland was, for many decades, a resounding ethical failure in this regard is coming to light in the starkest of terms in recent years in the mother-and-baby home scandals.
Ireland has a lot of atoning to do, and acknowledging these past misdeeds is a part of that. Each time somebody like Catriona Palmer steps forward to bravely shine a light on an aspect of these truths, it is a stepping stone toward our maturation as a country.
This is a great read, not only because of the above issues, but because its author is obviously a highly substantial individual, who has had a fascinating life above and beyond her adoption story, working at a very young age as part of a team exhuming mass graves and identifying remains in Bosnia, as well as going on to pursue a thriving career as a journalist. Here she has made a valuable contribution to the literature re-evaluating the Church/State relationship that presided over Irish society for a long and dreary time, creating double moral standards that in many ways demonized and increased the sufferings of women, non-Catholics, and the poor.
An independent documentarian doing a retrospective on faith-based anti-Iraq war activism 20 years on asked me recently, 'How do you square the feminism with the faith-based part, given the role of the Catholic Church around women in Ireland?' I never really did square it that way; the Gospels detail the life of a man who went around fearlessly challenging the religious and political authorities of his day, and their meaningless stipulations, and who died as a result of these loving actions. I have no problem believing that this man was God incarnated. If my faith were to depend solely upon a regard for any institution, it would not exist. Sadly, the love we see in the Gospels was historically all too lacking in Ireland on the part of many (though not all) of those purporting to be his representatives on Earth, even if some genuinely thought that their actions were morally correct.
November 3, 2016
I have wanted to read this since seeing the author on TV earlier this year. An episode of "Long Lost Family" without the happy ever after story of everyone embracing long lost relatives. Sensitively and warmly written it tells the authors own a story of a child given up for adoption by an unmarried mother in the draconian Ireland of 1972, under the antiquated adoption laws of the time and of the power the church was able to weald over the state. Page 192 - The "danger" of a catholic baby going to non catholic home"! CP explores the intense feelings of the birth mother, the adoptee and the adoptive parents. The juxtaposition of Philomena who traces her son who she gave up for adoption only to find that he has passed away and the mother in this book who is still bound by feelings of guilt, secrecy, and although happy to meet Catriona insists that her existence remains a secret conducting their relationship in a series of clandestine meetings in the hotel and bars of Dublin. In addition the birth father whose reaction to the pregnancy in 1971 was to pretend he didn't hear did not want to admit to the existence of his daughter. CP has had to endure the shame and embarrassment of not being publicly acknowledged by either biological parent, thank heavens for the wonderful Liam & Mary who adopted her into a family of love. I sincerely hope that her birth mother like Philomena eventually finds the courage to open up and tell her story to her family. One quote from the end which sums it all up, page 244 - "there was the Catholic Church, with its culture of institutional dishonesty and shame, and the Irish state, which allowed the Church to dictate the terms on which unmarried mothers and their children were treated. There was Irish society , which turned its head the other way, choosing not to see." IMHO the church has a lot to answer for. Highly and strongly recommended.
October 12, 2019
So helpful and no sacrifice in readability.
I am an adoptive mother so I pick up books about adoption occasionally to help me better parent my adopted son. I appreciate the consideration the author gave to her motivations and emotions for searching. She was willing to reveal her own shortcomings. The honesty of her revelations certainly could have caused a lot of pain for herself as well as her birth and adoptive families. Had she been a child at the time she found her mother, she might have been unable to grant her the grace and forgiveness she needed to heal some of the deep scarring. I hadn't been aware that the trauma for many birth mothers must block those memories, eventually causing such damage theat the incident might be completely gone. I can imagine that facing your mother for the first time only too have her fail to remember basic information about the child that they created and carried would hurt and kids might not be able to handle it. After all, what can a child know of macro economics, religious dogma and geopolitical forces driving the shame and fear piled upon the birth mothers? Not all, but many are children themselves.
This book goes satisfyingly deep into so many issues that the author faced. The baffling fears and incomprehensible anger when it seemed she should be happily anticipating a dream she had held since her young childhood must have been disorienting. American adoptions don't seem (to me) to involve such deep shame. There are still problems, just not this one. I have wanted some insight into the particular ways that attitude affects a child's beliefs about themselves and the other two people in the triad. I am thankful that the author took the time to document her experiences and emotions in such a personal, lifelong experience.
I am an adoptive mother so I pick up books about adoption occasionally to help me better parent my adopted son. I appreciate the consideration the author gave to her motivations and emotions for searching. She was willing to reveal her own shortcomings. The honesty of her revelations certainly could have caused a lot of pain for herself as well as her birth and adoptive families. Had she been a child at the time she found her mother, she might have been unable to grant her the grace and forgiveness she needed to heal some of the deep scarring. I hadn't been aware that the trauma for many birth mothers must block those memories, eventually causing such damage theat the incident might be completely gone. I can imagine that facing your mother for the first time only too have her fail to remember basic information about the child that they created and carried would hurt and kids might not be able to handle it. After all, what can a child know of macro economics, religious dogma and geopolitical forces driving the shame and fear piled upon the birth mothers? Not all, but many are children themselves.
This book goes satisfyingly deep into so many issues that the author faced. The baffling fears and incomprehensible anger when it seemed she should be happily anticipating a dream she had held since her young childhood must have been disorienting. American adoptions don't seem (to me) to involve such deep shame. There are still problems, just not this one. I have wanted some insight into the particular ways that attitude affects a child's beliefs about themselves and the other two people in the triad. I am thankful that the author took the time to document her experiences and emotions in such a personal, lifelong experience.
November 4, 2023
I immediately purchased Caitriona’s memoir after hearing her speak on the Adoptees On podcast. She was articulate, compassionate and an incredible storyteller. Like Palmer, I am an adoptee who has been kept a secret for decades (in my case, my natural father has hidden my existence from his family).
This book gave me exactly what I hoped it would: an understanding of the societal and social pressures within 20th century Ireland surrounding “illegitimate” children and their families of origin. But beyond that, it was a fascinating read from start to finish — a rollercoaster of emotions within each page. A beautiful reminder of our capacity to forgive in spite of the suffering we experience, and adoptees’ ability to hold out hope through decades of desperately searching for answers.
This book gave me exactly what I hoped it would: an understanding of the societal and social pressures within 20th century Ireland surrounding “illegitimate” children and their families of origin. But beyond that, it was a fascinating read from start to finish — a rollercoaster of emotions within each page. A beautiful reminder of our capacity to forgive in spite of the suffering we experience, and adoptees’ ability to hold out hope through decades of desperately searching for answers.
May 17, 2017
The book starts slow as a journal or memoir of an Irish adopted girl detailing her daily life. I was pushing the read and contemplated dropping the book multiple times.
In the second part of the book, the story became quite interesting and I couldn't stop reading until the last page. She started focusing on the real story of the Irish unwed pregnant women in the 70s and how the society and family dealt with the shame and the deep feelings and issues in the authors mind and her biological mother secrecy.
Excellent book to read. It should also be supplemented by the tv interviews of the author available in the internet.
In the second part of the book, the story became quite interesting and I couldn't stop reading until the last page. She started focusing on the real story of the Irish unwed pregnant women in the 70s and how the society and family dealt with the shame and the deep feelings and issues in the authors mind and her biological mother secrecy.
Excellent book to read. It should also be supplemented by the tv interviews of the author available in the internet.
June 13, 2021
Prompt: Featuring adoption.
An Affair with My Mother by Caitríona Palmer
This is a very sad story. My heart goes out to Caitríona. It also forces me to rethink about the social mores in society. She writes with fervour and fury. For whom is adoption a blessing? For the individuals who desire to become parents? For the child who gets a family but grows up with a feeling of loss? Of this uncaring society which does nothing to prevent children coming into this world only to be given up?
An Affair with My Mother by Caitríona Palmer
This is a very sad story. My heart goes out to Caitríona. It also forces me to rethink about the social mores in society. She writes with fervour and fury. For whom is adoption a blessing? For the individuals who desire to become parents? For the child who gets a family but grows up with a feeling of loss? Of this uncaring society which does nothing to prevent children coming into this world only to be given up?
August 20, 2025
This is a good book. It's extremely sad, for Caitriona and Sarah.
Caitriona has had a great life, a lovely childhood and she clearly adores her Mum and Dad.
It's not an easy book to read, very very sad.
I had to use my Kindle dictionary regularly for unusual words like "bifurcated" "temerity" "schmaltzy" "obsequious" and "dawled"
I would recommend this book to anyone with an interest in adoption, especially Irish adoption.
Caitriona has had a great life, a lovely childhood and she clearly adores her Mum and Dad.
It's not an easy book to read, very very sad.
I had to use my Kindle dictionary regularly for unusual words like "bifurcated" "temerity" "schmaltzy" "obsequious" and "dawled"
I would recommend this book to anyone with an interest in adoption, especially Irish adoption.
December 7, 2018
Eye opening story of adopted children
Very well written, but sometimes tedious to read such detail. However, I felt anxious and understood a little better why someone would go to such a great extent to find their roots. Also being the same age as Sarah, I could understand her plight.
Very well written, but sometimes tedious to read such detail. However, I felt anxious and understood a little better why someone would go to such a great extent to find their roots. Also being the same age as Sarah, I could understand her plight.
March 28, 2018
Love healed
This was such a good read. I am amazed at what the Catholic Church and Southern Irish society put on these unmarried mothers and the cover ups they perpetrated. I am so glad that much of this is now out in the open.
This was such a good read. I am amazed at what the Catholic Church and Southern Irish society put on these unmarried mothers and the cover ups they perpetrated. I am so glad that much of this is now out in the open.
August 11, 2019
The whole story
As an adult adoptee this story was both familiar and eye opening.
I identified with the strong desire to know your history. The birth mother's desire to keep the secret she's held for years echoes what many adoptees find at the end of their search for truth.
As an adult adoptee this story was both familiar and eye opening.
I identified with the strong desire to know your history. The birth mother's desire to keep the secret she's held for years echoes what many adoptees find at the end of their search for truth.
September 28, 2021
Gostei muito desta história sobre adoção na Irlanda. Nunca pensei que o país tão católico estivesse tão atrasado na libertação das mulheres!
A procura de sua mãe biológica, a autora desvendou um segredo numa mãe solteira que guardado por muitos anos não consegue se abrir
A procura de sua mãe biológica, a autora desvendou um segredo numa mãe solteira que guardado por muitos anos não consegue se abrir
December 28, 2022
Healing
As a secret child with Irish Cathloic roots, but a very different story this book has helped to solidify the reasons why I was a secret. A must read for anyone who always knew something was missing.
As a secret child with Irish Cathloic roots, but a very different story this book has helped to solidify the reasons why I was a secret. A must read for anyone who always knew something was missing.
September 17, 2017
A must read
touching truthful book that speaks to the need for belonging in all of us. Highly recommend it to all who are searching for their place in the world.
touching truthful book that speaks to the need for belonging in all of us. Highly recommend it to all who are searching for their place in the world.
July 13, 2022
I never knew how hard life was for unmarried pregnant women in Ireland. This is such a very sad story of a mother-daughter reunion.
December 31, 2022
This book was a fascinating and moving account of what it means to be adopted.
February 14, 2017
I took time to write this review because I didn't want to write in the heat of emotions.
Honestly, I was expecting so much from this that it came out as a disappointment. Only reason for 4 stars is the connection author made me feel once I was finished with the book. I was expecting to read more about Ireland and its policies on women that made them struggle so much, instead, I ended up reading a personal diary of this author. Yes it's more like her personally diary and the description of each event with detail made me irritated at times. Nevertheless, once I was finished I looked back and realized she did make me emotional from her story.
Again, coming from a country where you have seen much more and maybe will keep seeing it for a long time, I couldn't help but feel sad for myself then for her.
Anyway, if you are planning to read this, have an open mind that you are about to read a journal account and may not get much from history perspective or knowledge of how Ireland destroyed single moms. Super sorry on that part.
Honestly, I was expecting so much from this that it came out as a disappointment. Only reason for 4 stars is the connection author made me feel once I was finished with the book. I was expecting to read more about Ireland and its policies on women that made them struggle so much, instead, I ended up reading a personal diary of this author. Yes it's more like her personally diary and the description of each event with detail made me irritated at times. Nevertheless, once I was finished I looked back and realized she did make me emotional from her story.
Again, coming from a country where you have seen much more and maybe will keep seeing it for a long time, I couldn't help but feel sad for myself then for her.
Anyway, if you are planning to read this, have an open mind that you are about to read a journal account and may not get much from history perspective or knowledge of how Ireland destroyed single moms. Super sorry on that part.
October 9, 2018
I have no idea how non-adoptees, or even those not in reunion would view this book. I was enthralled, because Caitriona's experience so mirrored mine, although hers was in Ireland and mine was in the US. The 1960s and 70s were similarly repressive in both countries, particularly for those raised in devout Catholic families. We both have good but difficult relationships with birthmothers who were emotionally broken by the experience, which warps the subsequent relationship. We both went on odysseys to find our origins and our fathers.
Many adoption books/stories are put together by well-meaning amateurs, so the heart is there, but they are not easy to read. Ms Palmer is a professional journalist, and it shows in the clear and lovely writing.
Many adoption books/stories are put together by well-meaning amateurs, so the heart is there, but they are not easy to read. Ms Palmer is a professional journalist, and it shows in the clear and lovely writing.
May 15, 2016
I picked this book up on a Friday and by Sunday morning I had completed it. If I could have read it in one sitting I would have done so.
What a remarkable story - if it were only that but to realize that it is the true life of Catriona Palmer and the fantastic and supportive family that she has around her. I had read and seen the film of Philomena Lee and saw the story of "adoption in Ireland" from the mothers point of view and for whom didn't have the ending that I am sure that Philomena had hoped for but to read it from the adoptive child's point of view and all the lives that it impacted on was truly amazing and must be inspiring to others in her situation. For "Sarah" also she has, in my opinion, not lived only existed. I hope that she can find peace and acceptance in her life for the beautiful life that she created.
Perhaps, if Catriona were able to have a relationship with her biological father, maybe he is living in a similar state of mind to Sarah. From the outside it seems to me that he has denied all of Catriona's existence but from reading the story I think he is the biggest loser denying himself a relationship with his first born child.
The one constant in the book for me are Liam and Mary (and Therese and David) and their constant and unconditional love and support that they have given Catriona and also to her husband Dan and her 3 children.
My hope for this book is that all concerned can find peace and contentment in their lives and a huge congratulations to Catriona on having the courage and determination to commit her life to paper.
An amazing read.
Ps - I think the title describes in full the relationship between Catriona and Sarah.
What a remarkable story - if it were only that but to realize that it is the true life of Catriona Palmer and the fantastic and supportive family that she has around her. I had read and seen the film of Philomena Lee and saw the story of "adoption in Ireland" from the mothers point of view and for whom didn't have the ending that I am sure that Philomena had hoped for but to read it from the adoptive child's point of view and all the lives that it impacted on was truly amazing and must be inspiring to others in her situation. For "Sarah" also she has, in my opinion, not lived only existed. I hope that she can find peace and acceptance in her life for the beautiful life that she created.
Perhaps, if Catriona were able to have a relationship with her biological father, maybe he is living in a similar state of mind to Sarah. From the outside it seems to me that he has denied all of Catriona's existence but from reading the story I think he is the biggest loser denying himself a relationship with his first born child.
The one constant in the book for me are Liam and Mary (and Therese and David) and their constant and unconditional love and support that they have given Catriona and also to her husband Dan and her 3 children.
My hope for this book is that all concerned can find peace and contentment in their lives and a huge congratulations to Catriona on having the courage and determination to commit her life to paper.
An amazing read.
Ps - I think the title describes in full the relationship between Catriona and Sarah.
October 10, 2016
Touching memoir
Interesting exploration of the author's search for the details of her birth in Ireland. It also serves as an indictment of the harsh, repressive Irish society that turned unwed mothers into virtual criminals. The best section was the in-depth investigation of the Church's influence on the laws surrounding adoption and conception. Amazing that birth control was not fully legal until the 1990's. A negative for me was the overblown descriptive style and an abundance of cliches.
Interesting exploration of the author's search for the details of her birth in Ireland. It also serves as an indictment of the harsh, repressive Irish society that turned unwed mothers into virtual criminals. The best section was the in-depth investigation of the Church's influence on the laws surrounding adoption and conception. Amazing that birth control was not fully legal until the 1990's. A negative for me was the overblown descriptive style and an abundance of cliches.
September 7, 2016
This book broke my heart. It is the story of an adoptee who finds her birth mom, with the blessing of her adoptive parents. The adoption had taken place during the early 70's in Ireland, and the birth mom still cannot bring herself to tell anyone about this beautiful, accomplished and gifted daughter.
July 27, 2016
Compelling first person journey by an articulate adopted writer who discovers real hesitation in her real mother.
Read
March 19, 2016I loved this beautifully written book and couldn't put it down. Deeply persona and thought provoking.
March 21, 2016
A moving story about adoption.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews