8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids

by Dr Todd Cartmell

Finally, a practical book for busy parents! Whether you find parenting intuitive or impossible, we could all use a hand here and there. And we could use it quick! In 8 Simple Tools , child psychologist and father Todd Cartmell walks you through the nuts and bolts of healthy, effective parenting. Using examples from his home and 20 years of professional practice, Todd gives eight essential and practical tools to help Designed with busy parents in mind, 8 Simple Tools breaks each tool into five short chapters, perfect for when you only have a second. Plus, each chapter ends with a practical “Tip” section that summarizes the main point and helps you apply it right away. Use even half of the tools in your parenting, and your family dynamics will thrive. Your relationship will be built on love and trust, providing you with fertile ground for planting God’s wisdom in your child's heart and, ultimately, seeing your child flourish.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 5, 2016

Reviews

[Hilary Treat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book but find it hard to rate. The chapters are so short and so simple that it makes it feel like there’s not a lot of substance to the book - but at the same time I really loved how simple each chapter was by giving a point and some practical advice in just a few pages. And the best thing about the book is that the advice actually is practical and easy to follow and remember. It’s a perfect book for someone who doesn’t usually read because the chapters are only about 3 pages each and it’s super easy to read. I’m going to see if my husband will reread this with me.

[Andrea Perez · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books I’ve read. This book is full of good, simple, biblical based tips. It’s such a quick and easy read, but packed full of great stuff.

[Diana Montgomery · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think we can all use a little help now in then on parenting. Dr. Todd has broken it down into 8 simple tools to help you with your children. Dr. Todd has even broken each tool down into 5 chapters. This way makes it easy to read one tool at a time and each chapter is short. It's not long and drawn out. There are also helpful tips at the end of the chapters. Is raising your children seasonal or for a time till they are on their own? No you are the parent the rest of your life. Like having a job you need the right tools to do that job right, being a parent is the same we need the right tools to raise our children. I found the suggestions Dr. Todd gave very good tools for a parent to have. Very easy read and full of great advice. I know I have raised my sons but there are still times these tools are handy in their adult life also. Now even as a grandparent it goes on into the next generation. Excellent book.
Being a parent is the most important job God has given us.

[Shelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC generously provided by publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

I think all parents are looking for ways to improve their parenting and finding ways to relate to their children. This book offers some real insight and tips on how to communicate with your children so that they will hear you and respond to you. There are several things that I think most parents know but then there are some points that we may know but in todays busy world we forget. I know I will take the point of making sure I am fully engaged with my children and not letting outside influences distract me to heart. This book gives great tips for relating and talking to our children and helping to stayed focus on the task of parenting.

[Svitlana · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 star, the book has a great list of specific actions you can undertake to improve your relationship with kids and your influence on them.
I liked and disliked the same thing - the chapters are very short and concise (it means that you can easily read them on the go, but also means that the scope is very limited by format).
If you are non-religious person or religious non-Christian, consider that book refers to God and christianity very frequently.

[Lindsey Silvestrini]

The title of 8 simple rules for raising great kids appealed to me from the get go. Who doesn't like simple? Especially when it comes to parenting! There doesn't seem to be anything simple about it so I was curious to see what author Dr. Todd Cartmell had to say on the subject.

I really liked the succinct way it was broken down into 8 rules. I can do 8! The chapters are short so it can easily be read in sections as time allows. I like to read one at a time and figure ways to immediately apply it instead of trying to do a bunch of things at once. I have found that when it comes to change, one at a time is the best way to ensure success!

The 8 simple tools include talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting and leading. Cartmell writes with the wisdom and experience of someone who has been there which makes me more apt to pay close attention! I really enjoyed his writing style that was almost like having a conversation instead of getting some advice that's way over my head. It's very realistic and practical which makes it seem easy to achieve!

The first area he covers is talking and chapter 1 is "Control Your Volume Knob." I knew right then where this was going! I'm a definite yeller and since reading this book I have worked on that and it does make a world of difference! I focused on that tool of talking before moving onto the next. Each tool has a few chapters that focus on different aspects of the subject.

Another chapter in talking was on actually having a conversation and I really like the way he equated it to playing a game of catch. It's a practical tool that really gives you the "how" of talking and not just telling you "what" to do! Once I had put it into practice I went to the next. I don't normally read books this way but I really wanted to change my parenting and had to do it in a way I could be successful.

I think of the 8 tools the area I've seen most change is influencing. My older kids are 6 and 8 and so we have kind of moved past the stage of just surviving the early years into really focusing on developing kids with strong characters and good hearts. A big part of that is paying attention to who they are and motivating them and growing their individuality.

The chapter that hit home the most was "Understanding the Power of Your Words." I have been really guilty of hurting my daughter's spirit in this area. I don't call her names or anything that severe but I do tend to talk down to her and use a tone that makes her feel very small. We are so different and it's hard for me to understand where she's coming from. But I am trying and have really focused on not doing this.

In a matter of weeks our entire relationship has changed. The little girl I used to get in a screaming match with every morning before school over her getting dressed now does it on her own and is so proud to show me she obeyed the first time and did what I asked. It's not because she suddenly became obedient. It's because I started talking to her on her level, really listening and being more gentle and kind in the way that I deal with her instead of barking orders that produce instant tears.

I could tell many more of these stories about how 8 simple tools for raising great kids has changed my relationship with each child. It's one of those books I will probably refer back to on specific subjects and read over and over through the years when I feel I need a refresher. It's chalk full of wisdom, practical advice and the actual tools to put them into practice!

[LuAnn · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I had my first child back in 1996 (yeah, I still can't believe he's 19 now!), my mother presented me with the book she had used as gospel for how baby's first days should go. It was written sometime in the 1950's. If I remember correctly, there was an hour-by-hour breakdown of how baby's first day home should go. I tried to accept the gift graciously, but I fear I failed in that perspective.

If 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids by Dr. Todd Cartmell had been around then, I would have definitely had that one on my shelf. Granted, it's not about infant care, but it would have been SO valuable for the ensuing years. I had many successes, and quite the number of failures as well. My oldest son, now 19, has (as far as I can remember) never rolled his eyes and said, "Gee, Mom, embarrass me in front of my friends, why don't you," when hugging him in public. On the other hand, recently my 13 year old daughter asked what we have to eat. I told her I thought there were hot dogs in the refrigerator. We went out and checked. There were no hot dogs in sight. She turned to me and said, "Don't ever lie to me again." Yeah. I did not handle the disrespect in a productive manner. But later, we had a long talk and things got better between us.

So, even though I've been a parent for almost 20 years now, and my children are older, there are still things I have to learn about parenting and building relationships with my children.

'Dr. Todd' writes about 8 tools to make relationships with our children better. They are readily visible in the preview at Amazon and other sale sites, so I'm hoping I don't step on any toes if include them in this post:


Talking
Listening
Influencing
Connecting
Teaching
Encouraging
Correcting
Leading

Each section is broken down into 5 super quick and easy chapters. They are little bite-sized chunks of information to either start you on the right path as a parent, or to help you make the changes you need to make for a happier family life.

I so appreciated the tone of the chapters. The author does not preach a parenting philosophy, and readily admits that he, too, is human, just like all of us. Dr. Cartmell is Christian, and so this book is written from that perspective. He also includes some Bible passages relevant to the topic of each chapter. But he doesn't 'thump' you over the head with his religious views. And I really believe that this book would benefit (a) parent/s of any religion, as well as those who do not consider themselves religious or spiritual. There are certain things that all parents have in common.

[Rebecca Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m always looking for tools and techniques to be a better parent because I never find that I’m parenting as well as I would like to. Sometimes, it’s great to get perspectives from an expert. So, when I had the opportunity to review 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids, I was looking forward to the opportunity to learn from an expert.

In this book, Dr. Todd Cartmell outlines 8 tools that parents have in dealing with their children to help build their relationship and to increase their effectiveness in parenting. Each tool is broken into five short and simple chapters of mini-tips that allow practical ways to develop this tool in your parenting strategy. For example, in the section on encouraging, there is a short chapter on pointing out positive behavior as well as a section short chapter on pointing out the positive trait that is behind the positive behavior. This allows you to go through and add these behaviors one small, doable step at a time until you are consistently doing most or all forty of the tips that Cartmell describes in the book. The chapters are also loaded with examples from his patients and his own parenting journey of how these tips play out in real life, and I think this is a really practical and easy to understand book for parents. I also think that each of the tools are manageable for all parents to put into practice if they focus on just one tip at a time.

Despite all the good things about this book, however, I had one area of disappointment. Even through Cartmell references scripture and applies scriptural principles in areas of the book, I would have to say that this book is more a work of psychology with the blending of a few Biblical principles thrown in. I would have rather read a book that was drenched in Biblical truth, even if it had been a little less practical psychology to put into immediate practice. I left feeling like the book could have been altered just a little bit and done just as well as a secular parenting book and not a Christian parenting book. I didn’t feel like there was anything in this book that specifically helps us to guide our children toward Jesus, the only one in whom we can be truly “great.”

Disclaimer: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Just Commonly · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Every Word Counts." (67)

Simple. Straightforward. Easy to understand. Easy to read. Yes, those are the thoughts when you see 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids by Dr. Todd Cartmell from a "book" perspective. With 8 "sections" (tools), and 5 chapters of average 3 pages each chapter for each section, simple is as simple gets. It is well outlined and points well presented. And once you read it, you will see it as so much more than a "book to read".

8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids, is simply as the title suggests. This book is designed with busy parents in mind, I think it can relate and apply to grandparents, teachers (in principle), aunts, uncles and anyone who have interactions with kids in general. Yes, it's about raising kids, but it's also about listening and teaching and communicating with kids today. With 8 tools of talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting and leading, we as adults are able to understand the goals of parenthood and how we influence the youngsters in our lives. And in some ways, I see some of these tools reflective of relationships in general. Take tool #1, Talking. First chapter is titled, "Control Your Volume Knob". Now tell me that's not something that can be reflective on adult relationships as well as talking with kids?!

Dr. Cartmell shared his wisdom in this area with insightful tools and steps that we can take for raising great kids, but as make us better adults. God blessed us with families, why not "pay it forward" with the blessings of the next generation - let His goodness shine through for generations to come?

This review first appeared on Just Commonly Blog.

NOTE: I received a complimentary copy of this book through Flyby Promotions for an honest review. All opinions expressed are my own. For my review policy, please see my Disclosure page.

[Lindsey Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're looking for a new parenting book to read, this is a great one to pick up.

It has super-short chapters (which are perfect if you only have a few minutes at a time to read), and it's packed full of practical tips and suggestions.

One of my favorite tips was the "Respect Circle" and the "Fun Circle." Basically, to teach your child how fun is linked to obedience, you make a circle with your finger and thumb on one hand and explain that this circle is the "Respect Circle." Do the same thing with the other hand, and call this one the "Fun Circle."

Then link the two circles. Explain that as the "Respect Circle" goes up because of obedience, the "Fun Circle" goes up too. On the other hand, if the "Respect Circle" goes down because of disobedience, the "Fun Circle" goes down too.

The higher the "Fun Circle," the more fun things we get to do. The lower the circle, the less fun.

We've only been using the circles for about a week with my four-year-old, but we have already noticed a difference.

This tool gives him control (because he is the one who makes the circles go up or down by his behavior) and also teaches him about consequences or rewards for behavior.

Along with tools like this one, he also talks about how to connect with your kids, how to influence them, how to teach them, how to encourage them, and more.

*I received this book for free for review, but was not required to write a positive review.

[Teresa Kander · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very easy to read book. It is divided into 8 sections of 5 short chapters (5 pages or less) each, which makes it simple to read about each tool on its own.

There are stories included in each section of actual situations where the tools were used, showing how each one can make a real difference in the parent-child relationship.

While the book is largely psychological, there are also scripture and scriptural principles included. Each chapter also ends with a brief one or two sentence tip which sums up the main point--and there are four pages at the back of the book which put all those tips together in one place.

**I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are entirely my own.**

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

How lucky we are to have captured all of Dr. Todd's great wisdom in this book. My copy is riddled with page marks and highlights and I fully plan on continuing trying to implement these tools and techniques. Like other parenting books, this one reminded me that it is not behavior change for my kids that I'm working toward, it is changing my behavior and approach that I need to work on. And by doing so, I am working on shaping my children's hearts and that is the most important thing!

We love Dr. Todd!

[Dominique *Paperbacks & Frybread* · Rating 5 out of 5]

*You can check out my full review at www.mamaandthebears.com*

Loved this book. Wonderful encourage with REAL practical applications. It's a really quick read, but there isn't a whole lot of fluff going on. You get to the meat of teachings on page one. I was convicted by page two-so it's definitely worth sharing.

Highly recommend to any parent.

*I received this in exchange for my honest review*

[Aaron Wong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cartmell, T. (Dr.). (2016). 8 simple tools for raising great kids. Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers.

No good-cop, bad-cop routine: Both parents need to be able to connect and correct their kids. - p. 13

The eight tools: talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting, leading - p. 13

Talking:
Lower your volume knob. - p. 17-19
Pause if you're unsure of what to say. - p. 21-23
When talking to the kids, engage first, ask questions, and show warm body language. - p. 26-27
To be easy to listen to, pay attention to your volume, tone, words, respect, and control. - p. 31
Start positive, briefly describe the negative behaviour and its affect, and plan how to do better. - p. 35

Listening:
Listen first before responding. - p. 41-42
To make sure your kids unload on you: listen without adding, clarify, paraphrase. - p. 45
To get your kids to talk to you often, look for and create opportunities. - p. 48-49
Listen to everything. - p. 53
Listen with your whole body: eyes, ears, mouth, posture - p. 57

Influencing:
Spot, highlight, and grow their personality, ability, and/or interest. - p. 62-63
Like miners, look for the gold in your kids, not the dirt. - p. 74
Don't just stop the behavior (behaviourism), let them learn a lesson (cognitivism). - p. 80

Connecting:
Touch your kids intentionally to show you love them. - p. 85
Spend quality time on a regular basis. - p. 89-90
Connect what what your kids are doing. - p. 93
Learn things with your kids. - p. 96

Teaching:
Practice right behavior without punishment e.g. putting schoolbag away, starting with 10 times and decreasing by one each day. - p. 111
Five flexible thinking thoughts:
•I should just do it.
•It's no big deal.
•It won't take that long.
•The sooner I start, the sooner I'm done.
•That's OK; I can do it later.
- p. 115
Find the solution:
•Stop
•Think of possible solutions
•Evaluate them
•Pick one
•See if it worked
- p. 118-119
Solving tantrums: make an empathetic comment & solve the problem mutually - p. 122-123

Encouraging:
Point out positive behavior. - p. 128-129
Link positive behaviors to traits. - p. 132
Do this 3-5 times a day, for all your kids. - p. 136-137
Avoid exaggerating the negative and using extreme words. - p. 140-141
Look back on past progress. - p. 143-146

Correcting:
When saying no, do it gently and give another option to wait or do something else. - p. 155
When asking your kids to do something, expect them to reply and do it immediately; if they don't, repeat within 5 seconds and consequences follow thereafter. - p. 158-159

Leading:
Set a godly example. - p. 174
Talk about God daily; read, serve, and pray together. - p. 177-178
Model the things you want your kids to work on. - p. 181
When wrong, take responsibility, apologise, do better next time. - p. 185
Be a personhood leader, not a positional one - connect, inspire, live. - p. 189

Free parenting assessment: 8simpletools.com - p. 191

[Lydia Howe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why I Choose this Book:

Jill Savage wrote the forward of the book, and I've enjoyed her writing before, therefore I thought that this would be a good book. Plus, parenting books are intriguing to me. 

What I Thought about this Book:

As always, I'll start out with the disclaimer that I'm not a parent, and therefore my thoughts on the book are quite subjective. 

This book was full of great information, and it was delivered in bite-sized increments which made the book really easy to pick up when I had a few moments to spare. Each chapter was only 2-4 pages long, and ended with a tip which was spot-on and simple, although not always easy, to apply to life.  

From learning how to tune your attention to see your kid's good qualities to praising effectively to teaching your kids to problem solve, this book really was full of simple tools that would help any child/adult relationship thrive. 

I not only learned from this book, but I also enjoyed reading it. The author wrote in a very down-to-earth, practical, and interesting way.

Conclusion:

There were only a very few small things I didn't agree with, and wouldn't hesitate to let any of my parent-friends borrow the book. And, if I was a parent, I think I would recommend this book to others. As a non-parent though, I don't want to be that annoying friend who thinks she has it all together. ;) 

Rating: 

I’m giving 8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids 4 out of 5 stars, and 10 out of 10

*I received this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you have a friend in your life who doesn't like to read and wants a simple, straightforward parenting book that is not intimidating, this is the one to recommend. It's kind of a handy pocket guide type book. I liked the emphasis on showing interest in your child, giving them your complete attention and getting into their world. The communication tips were great (keep it brief, say: "you go first", remember every word counts). There are good reminders for physical touch (make it intentional, don't stop because it communicates "I love you"). Great ideas are shared for practicing how to solve problems (Rehearse 10X if necessary) and how to learn flexibility by saying the top 5 statements (below). Problem solving STEPS were also a great tool to teach kids (below).

Flexible statements:
I should just do it.
It's no big deal.
It won't take that long.
The sooner I start, the sooner I'm done.
That's ok, I can do it later.

Problem solving STEPS:
Stop- take a deep breath
Think of possible solutions
Evaluate solutions
Pick a solution
See if it worked

[Jasper Arnold · Rating 4 out of 5]

Filled with biblical, practical, and wise advice on raising kids of all ages. He gave plenty of real life examples of problems with kids and families he has seen come through his counseling practice and how those problems were resolved. My only critique was that he could have shortened each chapter. I felt like the author repeated himself too much.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book! Fantastic parenting tips and tools. I will definitely be referring to this book often.

[Vanessa Orozco · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the christian perspective but did feel like it was a little repetitive. But overall an easy, enjoyable read.

[Penny Minding Mom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Your child is only small for a short while...before you know it, they are all grown up and moving out to live their own lives. I pray every night that I am raising them to be great people, it's my most important job. Sometimes I'm confident that I'm doing it all right, then there are days where I'm not so sure.

"8 simple tools for raising great kids" by clinical child psychologist Dr. Todd Cartmell. As the title suggests, it offers 8 simple tools to help parents build a healthy relationship with their child, develop a nurturing home and ways to correct behaviour that are lasting and meaningful.

The book is designed with busy parents in mind. Each "Tool" is broken down into short chapters. I like how the authors uses every day words that I can understand. Each chapter has a "Tip" at the end which is a short summary of the already short chapter. There is also a "Consider" section that poses questions for the reader to reflect on.

Since each chapter is short I can not only read it quickly, but I can immediately begin to practice the new skills I have learned. They are never anything complicated and you don't need any special training or tools.

The book isn't just about raising great kids, I find it's also about becoming a great parent. The tools aren't just about fixing issues with your child, but about reflecting on your own parenting style and things that may need to be changed.

While it is a faith based book, you are not hit over the head with scripture references. While the book does contain scripture references, anyone would take something away from this book. There were two big takeaways for me from this book. One for me, and one for my children.

The first was on listening. I always believed listen was with your ears, but I soon learned differently. You listen with your whole body. Your eyes, ears, mouth, neck to your knees and feet are all involved. Who knew that your feet were involved in listening? I sure didn't.

The second thing that I took away from this book was teaching my children problem solving steps. Using the acronym "STEPS" both the kids and I are able to work through problems in a logical fashion.

"STEPS"
S - Stop
T - Think of possible solutions
E - Evaluate the solution
P - Pick a solution
S - See if it worked

Such a simple way to remember how to work through any issue. This really works for adults and children alike. Stopping for a moment to gather your thoughts and feelings really helps put any issue into perspective. Knowing that you have a plan to solve any issue helps you feel empowered.

Parenting can be a challenge, even with the most easy going child. The book really points out several common sense solutions to effective parenting that can be used by anyone. Each tip can be easily put into practice, some will require more work than others.

The website for the book contains two parenting assessments to discover how effective your parenting is and what are your parenting strengths.

"8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids" will give parents the right tools to help build a great relationship with their child. Even if you don't use all the tools in the book, even implementing a few will help your child, marriage and family thrive.


*Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of "8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids" in exchange for my review. All opinions are 100% my own.

[Kellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and found it very easy to read. The author doesn't talk down to the reader, which is always nice in a book with recommendations, and a little surprising in a faith-based one.

I loved reading all of the different examples included with the different tools and tips. The format was perfect for me as well. I could easily read a few chapters a night, when I had the time, and really feel like I got something useful out of it.

I was super excited when I got to the end and realized all of the tips were reprinted there. Saved me the trouble of doing it myself!

I'm even thinking about how to apply these in a modified way in my classroom.

The absolute best thing is that I've already been able to start applying some of these in our daily lives, and can even see a bit of a difference in how the kids and I are connecting with each other.

A thousand thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the eARC to read and review!