Back to Eden

by Marc Green

Dear Author,
That’s it. We’ve had it. We’re done with convention. We’re sick of toeing the line. We want to live our lives the way we say, not the way society tells us. We’re off into the woods to live naked and to see what happens. We’ve thrown caution to the wind and nature is calling us.

Photo Description:
Five handsome cowboys are turned away from the observer, buck naked except for their cowboy hats. They are standing in a line next to each other on a ground somewhere outside. Grass, brush, and trees surround them, and there is water close-by. They have muscular backs, fit bodies, and firm butts. They appear free and happy as they throw their towels over their shoulders.

This story was written as a part of the M/M Romance Group's "Love is an Open Road" event. Group members were asked to write a story prompt inspired by a photo of their choice. Authors of the group selected a photo and prompt that spoke to them and wrote a short story.

This story may contain sexually explicit content and is intended for adult readers. It may contain content that is disagreeable or distressing to some readers. The M/M Romance Group strongly recommends that each reader review the General Information section before each story for story tags as well as for content warnings.

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Paranormal, Romance, Shapeshifters, Fantasy, Supernatural

28 pages, ebook

First published August 4, 2015

Reviews

[Kristan]

Are you kidding me!!??

I appreciate all of the work and time that goes into this event. I'm grateful to the authors for creating a story specifically for the particular prompt. Especially first time authors. But



What kind of bullshit is this?! How is putting out a 28 page story and ending it on a cliffhanger, in any way, in the spirit of the event?

Not only did I have to spend the first couple of pages reading about a discussion of another book that I now hate and never want to hear the name of again, I had to cycle through:
10 different Author names being dropped, along with their books.
At least 4 separate instances where the characters love of reading on his kindle paperwhite was mentioned in great detail.
And 3 instances where the character discusses to himself about how anti-gay Christianity is.

All of that and I didn't even get a resolution?!

Bad author. Bad!

I loved the hell out of this prompt. Wanted to hug it and squeeze it and name it George. And those tags would have anyone drooling.

What I wanted was to know more about this:

“We ran away together, enemies hand in hand, and took our fate into our own hands. We lead a quiet life here, hurting no one. Every other night we steal away in the darkness to renew our bond, our promises to protect each other. We strip off our clothes and everything we have been taught to think and do and just share our love and friendship with each other instead. Naked in every way, leaving conventions behind with the dirt in the water. This is our Eden, our Paradise.”

Instead, the story was buried under a ton of repetitive information and branding.

Seriously, I wanted to enjoy this, and I hope that some people do, because I in no way want to discourage an author from writing, especially in this genre, but that cliffhanger is just downright mean when the audience barely even got to glimpse what the prompt was about. I don't even know the basics about the main character. (I'm not kidding, his name wasn't even mentioned.)

I liked the author's direction of the prompt, and I would have liked to read the rest of this story to see where it goes, but I think the constant repetition and branding killed it for me.

My thanks to the author for their participation in the Love is an Open Road event.

[Vivian]

First person narrative is rarely my favorite.
Discussions about books and authors within a story pulls me right out of it.
But this paragraph when I got to it made me DNF:

However, I was one-hundred-percent queer. No doubt in my mind. Not even the hint of curiosity about putting my dick into female genitalia. Yuck. I still imagined there were teeth down there that would bite off my boy parts.

Overall, wished I'd listened to my gut and stopped when the author talk began.

[Kat]

...and another one with a cliffhanger/To be continued :(
Is it really to much work to write a complete story for the event? I think the prompters deserve to get a full story and not only parts or the beginning of it.

[Sandra]

I'm not going to rate this, because it wouldn't be pretty.

First off, the name-dropping of various M/M authors and their books was irritating. I didn't realize this was a commercial.

Secondly, WTF - cliffhanger? This event is not meant to be used that way. Stories, no matter how short, should be at least somewhat complete. Am I supposed to buy the book that will continue this teaser?

Thirdly, disparaging remarks about girl parts from a gay man. Seriously, that's just ridiculous.

Fourthly, vampires, wolf shifters, and angels, oh my. 5 men living on a ranch, all of them supernatural in some way. Too much for less than 10k words. Though this explain my 2nd hangup - I even made a new shelf.

While I appreciate the author donating his time to this event, this story didn't work for me at all.

[Marc · Rating 3 out of 5]

(Review by the Author)>/b>

Thank you to every one who has taken the time to read this story. I'm really glad that the amazing event coordinators allowed me to extend my deadline, because RL got in the way and I had to focus all my energy on an important project with a lot of money on the line. I'm glad I was able to fullfill my committment to this story, though, even if I ended up with only five days to do it after my project deadline and had to scrap my complex, original plans. My hope is that you will get some enjoyment out of this as 'appetizer', before I'm able to make an extended version available to you all for free - with the full story.

As I had very limited time to write this story, the author of the prompt encouraged me to just have fun with it. I did and experimented with a few things, so if there is something that didn't work for the story in your opinion, please let me know in an honest & constructive review or in a PM. I might be able to fix it in the extended version if you convince me :P

I'm really grateful that I was able to participate in this event. I'm sorry that a few people were turned off by the cliffhanger in the end, especially given how short the story is. I can understand that it feels unfinished, because it is unfinished. Given that RL got in the way and had to get priority and that the story and the follow-up/extensiion I'm working on are free, I hope you can forgive me. If not - that is of course okay, too. Please feel free to ignore any story from this event with a cliffhanger warning in the future. As a new writer, though, I'm really glad we have the option. One month is not a long time to finish a complete story, especially if one has never done it before, tries to do justice to a great prompt and RL gets in the way on top of it. Even if not every one enjoyed the story in its current form, there are a few readers who told me they liked the direction ofthe story and can't wait to read more. That's all I wanted and for me it gives this story legitimacy, especially as a free story in an event like this.

I'm really excited to continue this story and develop all the different things I teased in this 'appetizer' further. Please PM me and let me know if you want to be updated about the progress of the extended version of the book -and friend me if you want. I would love to get to know you and one can never have too many friends ;)

P.S.

I'm not just taking my first steps as writer, I'm also a reviewer and wanted the MC to be someone I'd identify with. A dreamer, hopeless romantic, addicted M/M reader and I hoped I could recommend some of my absolute favorite books in this genre through him. It was really fun for me to add the book references (and I personally love pop culture references and whenever an author includes references to other LGBT books by different authors in their work. It seems to have annoyed a few people and though it really was never meant as 'name dropping', if it doesn't work for this story at all, I'm willing to cut it in the extended version. Just let me know your thoughts on this in some way, so I know if there is a general consensus about it.

Marc Green

[Meep · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thanks to the author for participating and offering this freebie, I appreciate the effort that goes into the event

I finished but mostly skimmed this.

First - yes it's yet another cliffhanger. Writing to a deadline is hard - I'm in awe of the novels, but short fics are just as welcomed here. It doesn't need to be a saga. Cliffhangers bring out the rage monster from within! - here not so much, too many distractions to care.

The tags bemused me; all those beings! I came back to try it out of curiosity (and okay maybe for all those mmmmm's) It was either going to be a train-wreck or a highly quirky romp hopefully with heat. I can be optimistic!

Instead the story is as confused as me. No real need for the various beings it could easily have been kept simple and wrapped up. There's a chance the main (unnamed? I didn't see it) character is too close to the author? He was more reviewer than active character.

Before we even meet any of the mmmm's I was already distracted by the feel of reading a book review! A book review for a highly contested book/film that by now we've all discussed enough to not want to again. With no relevance to this story.

Would have been better to forget BFF Samantha (girl with a Dragon tattoo?)and start at the ranch - Where were my sexy cowboys? For me the setting narrowed to a sofa behind a paperwhite kindle (Hi-res, HD, 300 ppi, built in light, wi-fi...) and never shifted.

The call outs:
- An unnamed film discussed - let's leave it un-named!
- A.J. Rose,
- SJD Peterson,
- Heidi Cullinan,
- Crash & Burn by Abigail Roux,
- Kings Rising by C.S. Pacat - plus rest of the series,
- A sly shout out to 'game of thrones',
- Hot Head by Damon Suede
- True Blood,
- Mary Calmes - plus mentions of series
- Jay Bell
- Others I didn't make note off.

That's a review blog line-up, not a story. The story hadn't started when I wanted to dnf in frustration. People judge quickly and product plugs/ads are always annoying - author needs to skip flashing the reading credentials and focus on the story that's being written. Unless on commission.

Then there's:

..one-hundred-percent queer. No doubt in my mind. Not even the hint of curiosity about putting my dick into female genitalia. Yuck. I still imagined there were teeth down there that would bite off my boy parts.

Nice bit of immature misogyny - ill advised humour (?) when most of the readers are female!

[Aղցela W. · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a short quick read that I thought was ok until all the author talk began. The talking about girls was disappointing too me. I also didn't get the whole cliffhanger was just beyond me the book was 28 pages longs. The short story was well written with no errors in grammar or spelling.

[Jae Moran · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hate to leave less than complimentary reviews for stories by authors volunteering their time and talents for an event like DRitC. I really am grateful for their hard work.

But... Between the name dropping and misogyny, it might have been a DNF but it was so short it was over before I got that far. That said, my major pet-peeve about this story was the sequel-baiting. Free or not, if you're going to participate, write a story with a complete plot, not just a teaser for something else. A cliffhanger is not the same as an incomplete story.

On a positive note, the premise was interesting and there was a lot there to build a great story on. I genuinely wanted to know more, but what I got just wasn't enough to leave me anything but disappointed.

PS - Kudos to Dawn Sister for the great photo and prompt!

Jae

[Tess · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was intrigued by the other's own review of this book so decided to give it a try. Overall, I thought the writing was quite good and the "cliffhanger" ending didn't bother me because I knew it was coming. I didn't mind the MC's repeated references to various m/m books and to his kindle, although I'm curious about whether the author actually has an advance copy of Kings Rising or if this book is meant to be set six months in the future!

The one thing I thought odd was the first scene with the MC's BFF and all of the talk of BDSM -- it didn't seem necessary for the rest of the story.

I appreciate the author's work on this and would be interested in reading the full story.

[Lisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ummmmmm......I'm a little bit speechless....and a little bit stunned!!! It was a struggle to get through 28 pages (I no longer have the energy to even explain why....) and then a cliffhanger!!!!………with a product placement!!!...was this sponsored by amazon?? WTF is that all about?? *meh*

[Kevin · Rating 2 out of 5]

All setup and almost no action. At the end it says "to be continued" but I'm not going to make an effort to find a continuation.

[Riayl]

Another story I am not rating. (Is anyone else amazed at my temperance?)

I read the author's review. I get that he had some issues come up and didn't have much time to write the story. I'm sort of left on the fence about whether it was a positive thing that he did what he could in the time he had, or if it would have been preferable for him to bow out. Not knowing the details - I don't need to, it isn't my business, or anyone else's for that matter - I don't know if this is a case of the author knowing from fairly early on that he was not going to have time to write the story he wanted. If that is so, I think he should have apologized sincerely and let someone else take the prompt. On the other hand, if he had already started the story and thought he was going to be able to clear the other issues up and things just kept coming up, or it was far enough along in the event schedule that no one else could/would pick up the prompt, or something along those lines, then I applaud him for doing the best he could with his limited time. Sometimes shit happens and there is nothing you can do about it. *shrug*

Onto the story. Name dropping. I hate it. Even if it is song names. One or two, or a few but spread over a whole book, no biggie, but this was like a list. It felt like an attempt to legitimize something. I don't think that was what it was, and the author says that isn't what it was, it just felt that way. Then the discourse on everything that is wrong with that stupid book/movie that I can't get away from even in m/m romance, for the love of small fluffy animals. *beats head on wall* But I will freely admit that those are personal dislikes and there will be plenty of people that enjoy the beginning of the story.

But, for me, that beginning left me apathetic towards the main character. I didn't really know anything about him, or what he was really like, other than his opinion on various authors/books/movies. I didn't connect in any way and found myself skimming. And then I just...lost interest. The beginning did not engage me, I did not empathize/sympathize with the main character, I didn't know what was going on (that could be due to the skimming though) and then we add in supernatural and multiple partners and not really sure if this is going to be a romance and...I walked away.

I cannot recall if I finished the story. I don't really remember much beyond the beginning that I found so hard to struggle through. As for cliff-hanger endings and such, to be honest I find that kind of thing not cool with this event. Usually someone writes a very short, rather unsatisfactory (to me) story and then just leaves it unfinished but with a note of when and where we can buy the rest. Definitely not cool. I guess sometimes it seems like authors purposely use the event to give a teaser, instead of writing a full story (be it short or long) and that seems dishonest and definitely not in the spirit of things. But that is making a huge assumption about author motivation and I shouldn't do that. Er, to be clear, I am not implying that this is the case with Marc Green, I am more trying to explain my dislike of cliff-hangers in regards to this particular event.

Now, having totally been Little Miss Negative, I will say that I will look for the next book and if the blurb interests me I will most likely pick it up and try it. I want to judge whether Marc Green is an author for me only after reading a book he has been able to spend the time on that he wants. (That was awkwardly phrased but I'm tired and can't think and hopefully it made some sense. )

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I guess everyone gets something different out of reading, but I liked this story from Marc Green. Would I have liked a HEA or HFN ending? Yes, but I do realize this is a volunteer event, the stories are free. some of the authors are newbies, excited to be putting their thoughts and ideas out there for the first time, and many are busy with RL, so I appreciate all the stories cliffhanger or not.
I do wish the mc had a name, I didn't see it, but perhaps I missed it. when the mc follows his 5 sexy bosses to a pond in the middle of the night all kinds of sexiness happens before his eyes. The men are not what they appeared to be. Paranormal entities of different kinds, I do wish we could have learned more about which ones. But it doesn't matter for the mc because he is left with no memory of the event except a kiss that feels more like a dream.
I can't wait for more of this story.

[Suz · Rating 2 out of 5]

I may have been disappointed with Marc's teaser story (I hate cliffhangers) but I'm looking forward to reading how he fleshes out the story and develops his characters in the completed version. I agree with everyone else, way too much on the author/story names and references to the MC's kindle. (Maybe a MC reading list similar to song list at the end of the story with only one or two mentioned in the story itself.)

I really appreciate Marc giving the completed story to us free and for the info he supplied his message above Oct 5.

[Dawn Sister · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whoot! This was my prompt and Marc has done it proud, despite having so many other pulls on his time and energy.

It is just the beginning of the story, and I know people don't often like to be left hanging, but Marc assures we will see more of this story in the future. He hasn't finished with us.

There are some interesting characters here, Pheonix being the one that stands out from this little snippet. I look forward to getting to know the rest in whatever comes next.

Thanks Marc, for letting me bully you taking this prompt.

[~ Lei ~ Reading Is An Adventure ~ · Rating 1 out of 5]

★☆☆☆☆~ 1 Star ~ For Effort
1/I don't like when an author goes out of their way to mention current events, in this instance, mentioning current books and authors, sets the book in a specific time and then it gets very dated quickly. It's like when authors name-drop designer goods incessantly. It's annoying. In some books it's ok, not this one.

2/Cliffhanger ending.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars