Circa the year 2001, my young 8-year-old self strolled into the tiny, yet cozy, school library alongside other fellow 3rd graders, all decked out in our matching Catholic school uniforms. Upon tiptoeing and reaching into the shelf for a new book to read, there stood out a rather tall and thin hardcover, among the dozens of rather small bundles of literature. Chris Van Allsburg’s “The Polar Express” and its title above his wonderfully painted titular steamroller glimmered in front of me. Was it during the Christmas season, on the road towards our anticipated wintry break that my senses tingled upon this discovery? My mind seems to forget. But knowing myself, among hundreds of movies, television shows, and books that increased love and eagerness, the innocent kid in me, from the ages of 1 to… well even now, was obsessed with two things: trains and Christmas.
My little school being stationed right next to the railroad tracks, my eyes always wandered off in Kindergarten class towards the windows as Santa Fe’s whistle blew through the green shrubbery. Christmas, of course undeniably being the mystical reality of Christ’s birth, was also for me a time of anticipating, come Christmas Eve, as put on the jacket sleeve of this marvelously worded and painted wonder, “the sweet sound of a reindeer’s bell.”
And that mystery, that anticipation, and uncovered innocence is something my adult self misses. How lost in pure escape I was upon reading Allsburg’s words, when the gargantuan steamroller pulls up to the young boy’s house to take him on an adventure overnight, and right onto the North Pole’s grounds. Alongside other kids, full of anticipation and unbridled purity not at all erased from their bright eyes, could we as adults return to this state of saccharine, gingerbread, and warm cocoa-by-the-fire love, adjacent to a window pane with snow outlining its virile corners? Allsburg’s simple words which keep mysteries as they are, and yet infuse readers with the utmost imaginative thoughts are a prime example of “less is more.” Second to such is his gentle painterly style, establishing a welcoming air of breathable bewilderment where even the child within the adult can return for just a brief moment.
As the years pass, Christmas Day only ever becomes a bit bittersweet, enjoying more so the season when everyone is merry — some in the anticipation of Christ’s birth and others merely trying to “get through the holidays” amidst all the shopping for family and friends, and painstakingly finding the time to be together. But why has it become bittersweet for me? It’s really the fact that knowing Christmas Day marks the end of the joyous season for many, while I and others try to keep the celebration going even past what marks the end of celebration for the general public. Santa Claus once existed for me as a kid, as he did for many. In fact, I was innocently taught he was Jesus’ friend and a saint, who helped Him keep the bright ebullience and purity progressing in the hearts of children and adults. Good ol’ St. Nick. But as the years have passed, of course, the season matures within my heart. And really the meaning of Christmas has only grown to become a bell that must keep ringing through all the trials and tribulations, and God Willing… has evolved into an unopened gift I’m aching to share with a family of my own so they can unwrap it themselves with the same bright-eyed purity and merriment that my young self and as the kids of this story had brimming in their hearts. Someday, Lord. Someday.
“At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I’ve grown old, the bell still rings for me as it does for all who truly believe.”