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Who Stole My Spear?: How to Be a Man in the 21st Century
Of the 200,000 years homo sapiens has been wandering this planet, this has to be the most absurd and challenging time to be a man…
How can you hunt and gather in an open-plan office?
Is monogamy fighting a losing battle against testes size?
Why do men make up 95% of FTSE CEOs yet 95% of the prison population?
Trapped in bodies barely changed since caveman days, males are now contending with corporate culture, lifelong commitment, rampant depression and crazy expectations to be a success at work and home.
Enter award-winning BBC broadcaster and journalist Tim Samuels with Who Stole My Spear? - which stops at nothing to explore how men should actually be living these days. From relationships, religion, and the rise of ISIS, to porn, fatherhood and the oppression of office life. Nothing is Is it less serious when a man has an affair? Why don’t new parents want boys?
Who Stole My Spear? is an inspiring rallying call for men and ‘good masculinity’ which cannot be ignored – that will leave you rethinking much about life’s big questions. And for women who wonder what’s on a man’s mind, this is the book that offers the entertainingly explosive answer.
How can you hunt and gather in an open-plan office?
Is monogamy fighting a losing battle against testes size?
Why do men make up 95% of FTSE CEOs yet 95% of the prison population?
Trapped in bodies barely changed since caveman days, males are now contending with corporate culture, lifelong commitment, rampant depression and crazy expectations to be a success at work and home.
Enter award-winning BBC broadcaster and journalist Tim Samuels with Who Stole My Spear? - which stops at nothing to explore how men should actually be living these days. From relationships, religion, and the rise of ISIS, to porn, fatherhood and the oppression of office life. Nothing is Is it less serious when a man has an affair? Why don’t new parents want boys?
Who Stole My Spear? is an inspiring rallying call for men and ‘good masculinity’ which cannot be ignored – that will leave you rethinking much about life’s big questions. And for women who wonder what’s on a man’s mind, this is the book that offers the entertainingly explosive answer.
- GenresNonfictionGenderPolitics
368 pages, Paperback
First published May 5, 2016
13 people are currently reading
199 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
December 20, 2016
Honesty is the most effective way of approaching a sensitive subject in which you, as the author, aren't shielded from the inherent bias that attaches to that subject. Tim Samuels is a man talking about men, but what differentiates him from other renowned men who've explored the subject (Hemmingway, Freud, etc) is the fact that he posits an unapologetically sincere view of the state of contemporary masculinity. In an era where Finnish politicians have seriously considered banning men from urinating while standing, and where penile augmentations skyrocket in the wake of major economic recessions, such a conversation is not simply valuable but necessary.
Overall, Samuels is not a men's rights activist or an advocate for "Menimism", whatever that may mean. He doesn't yearn for a return to the good ol' mutton-chopped days, and throughout his book he acknowledges the socio-economic privilege from which men continue to benefit in our society. Frankly, you'd have to be backward not to do so. What Samuels provides is an examination of various discrete topics and highlights how circumstances have fundamentally changed for men but the societal expectations and/or biological constraints have remained constant. He poses curious and often dark questions: why is suicide the leading cause of death for men aged 20 to 49? What does it mean for violent crime when 21,000 UK pubs close down? What is Tinder doing to men's capacity to build fulfilling relationships? There's an alluring Freakonomics aura that surrounds these questions, and whilst Samuels does not provide the thorough statistical analysis characteristic of Levitt and Dubner in Freakonomics, the reader is left with a solid idea of their unique importance to men and society more generally.
Men and women everywhere ought to read this book. It's a healthy introduction to what Samuels refers to as 'Good Masculinity', distilling away the toxicity attached to men's rights movements and bringing to the forefront issues that disproportionately affect men. This book isn't a call to arms or a revolutionary cry, but rather an honest exposition of what plagues men's minds on a day-to-day basis. It is unique in its honesty precisely because men are notoriously resistant to discussing their own vulnerabilities. This book is the most relatable display of vulnerability in public view, with potentially wide-ranging consequences for societal outcomes. Women ought to read it for the same reason we read The Female Eunuch or Bad Feminist—because understanding each other as equals is paramount.
Overall, Samuels is not a men's rights activist or an advocate for "Menimism", whatever that may mean. He doesn't yearn for a return to the good ol' mutton-chopped days, and throughout his book he acknowledges the socio-economic privilege from which men continue to benefit in our society. Frankly, you'd have to be backward not to do so. What Samuels provides is an examination of various discrete topics and highlights how circumstances have fundamentally changed for men but the societal expectations and/or biological constraints have remained constant. He poses curious and often dark questions: why is suicide the leading cause of death for men aged 20 to 49? What does it mean for violent crime when 21,000 UK pubs close down? What is Tinder doing to men's capacity to build fulfilling relationships? There's an alluring Freakonomics aura that surrounds these questions, and whilst Samuels does not provide the thorough statistical analysis characteristic of Levitt and Dubner in Freakonomics, the reader is left with a solid idea of their unique importance to men and society more generally.
Men and women everywhere ought to read this book. It's a healthy introduction to what Samuels refers to as 'Good Masculinity', distilling away the toxicity attached to men's rights movements and bringing to the forefront issues that disproportionately affect men. This book isn't a call to arms or a revolutionary cry, but rather an honest exposition of what plagues men's minds on a day-to-day basis. It is unique in its honesty precisely because men are notoriously resistant to discussing their own vulnerabilities. This book is the most relatable display of vulnerability in public view, with potentially wide-ranging consequences for societal outcomes. Women ought to read it for the same reason we read The Female Eunuch or Bad Feminist—because understanding each other as equals is paramount.
January 22, 2019
Read this for an essay I'm writing. Not as bad as I assumed, but still pretty bad.
August 13, 2017
5 STARS Amusing, thoughtful and worth reading.
I saw this recently in the bookshop in London’s Royal National Theatre…
Tim Samuels – a broadcast journalist and presenter of BBC Radio 5 Live’s Men’s Hour explores masculinity and the male condition in the 21st century, and what he describes as “…the tightrope balancing act of being a man these days”. It’s a vast topic and a live issue - never more relevant than in a world of Trump, Brexit and controversial Google memos on hiring practices…
‘Who Stole My Spear’ is part autobiographical memoir and part a wide-ranging social policy manifesto. At the outset, Samuels makes clear that this book is neither a call to the barricades for a male uprising nor is it a “soppy tirade” for men’s rights. He fully acknowledges that “men are the undisputed dominant gender” and they “don’t have many glass ceilings to push through.”
His analysis on the challenges of modern masculinity is interspersed throughout with entertaining personal anecdotes. Much of his writing is witty, irreverent and self-depreciating – and his observations are often laced with a healthy dollop of chutzpah.
Men, women and Google engineers, (and their hiring managers) would do well to read this.
I saw this recently in the bookshop in London’s Royal National Theatre…
Tim Samuels – a broadcast journalist and presenter of BBC Radio 5 Live’s Men’s Hour explores masculinity and the male condition in the 21st century, and what he describes as “…the tightrope balancing act of being a man these days”. It’s a vast topic and a live issue - never more relevant than in a world of Trump, Brexit and controversial Google memos on hiring practices…
‘Who Stole My Spear’ is part autobiographical memoir and part a wide-ranging social policy manifesto. At the outset, Samuels makes clear that this book is neither a call to the barricades for a male uprising nor is it a “soppy tirade” for men’s rights. He fully acknowledges that “men are the undisputed dominant gender” and they “don’t have many glass ceilings to push through.”
His analysis on the challenges of modern masculinity is interspersed throughout with entertaining personal anecdotes. Much of his writing is witty, irreverent and self-depreciating – and his observations are often laced with a healthy dollop of chutzpah.
Men, women and Google engineers, (and their hiring managers) would do well to read this.
April 30, 2022
DNF
There is an interesting book to be written about modern masculinity (Angry White Men is great) but this is just an overgrown man child sniggering about tinder dates and masturbation.
And if you’re interested in why PUAs are so harmful read Laura Bates
There is an interesting book to be written about modern masculinity (Angry White Men is great) but this is just an overgrown man child sniggering about tinder dates and masturbation.
And if you’re interested in why PUAs are so harmful read Laura Bates
June 29, 2016
Obsessive omphaloskeptic onanism¹ or objective observations on onerous obligations?
This purports to be a book about how the male role in modern society is changing. A large part of the book, however, is autobiographical whining about how difficult his life has been, and how none of it is his fault. The reason why he can't stay in a relationship is either his parent's divorce, the insecure job market for freelance journalists, or insufficient public funding for mental health issues.
Disappointed with modern life he dreams of the Mad Men era, when men were men, were offered jobs for life and had three-martini lunches. At the same time he thinks that agriculture probably was a bad move, and draws an idealized picture of a hunter-gatherer society, where there are no open plan offices, no greasy pole to climb and no performance reviews. (I can't help feeling that he would have been the snivelling whiner who complains that he would have caught the mammoth if only he had had a better spear.)
The book draws on a lot of pop-science research in many different domains, with anecdotes from very different areas of life - from modern porn to paternal leave, to religious preachings. Everywhere he looks he finds new reasons to be outraged at how modern life conspires against his perceived masculinity.
¹ anyone who engages in masturbatory navel-gazing is clearly doing it wrong...
This purports to be a book about how the male role in modern society is changing. A large part of the book, however, is autobiographical whining about how difficult his life has been, and how none of it is his fault. The reason why he can't stay in a relationship is either his parent's divorce, the insecure job market for freelance journalists, or insufficient public funding for mental health issues.
Disappointed with modern life he dreams of the Mad Men era, when men were men, were offered jobs for life and had three-martini lunches. At the same time he thinks that agriculture probably was a bad move, and draws an idealized picture of a hunter-gatherer society, where there are no open plan offices, no greasy pole to climb and no performance reviews. (I can't help feeling that he would have been the snivelling whiner who complains that he would have caught the mammoth if only he had had a better spear.)
The book draws on a lot of pop-science research in many different domains, with anecdotes from very different areas of life - from modern porn to paternal leave, to religious preachings. Everywhere he looks he finds new reasons to be outraged at how modern life conspires against his perceived masculinity.
¹ anyone who engages in masturbatory navel-gazing is clearly doing it wrong...
March 14, 2018
This is a very, very good and important book. It is brutally honest, the author lays it all bare and doesn't care how he is to be judged.
Never in my life have I read something that manages to distill and then articulate into words the feelings and sensations of being male in the modern world. Some of those feelings & ideas are so specific and nebulous that I thought it plausible they were felt only by me. To see those feelings and the attendant concerns voiced in this way (moreover by an employee of the BBC; not exactly known for their advocacy of male issues) is to partially cleanse the stain of illegitimacy they seem to have at this time in this society.
The writer builds on these impressions with a wide array of excellent statistics, interesting case-studies for which he has time-intensively immersed himself in a number of industries (porn, "pick-up artistry"), organisations (churches) and locations (Ghana, USA). It is also very funny at times, although a minor criticism must be some of the many tangential, witty remarks felt a bit perfunctory and grating at times.
All in all, I couldn't recommend this enough - male or female.
Never in my life have I read something that manages to distill and then articulate into words the feelings and sensations of being male in the modern world. Some of those feelings & ideas are so specific and nebulous that I thought it plausible they were felt only by me. To see those feelings and the attendant concerns voiced in this way (moreover by an employee of the BBC; not exactly known for their advocacy of male issues) is to partially cleanse the stain of illegitimacy they seem to have at this time in this society.
The writer builds on these impressions with a wide array of excellent statistics, interesting case-studies for which he has time-intensively immersed himself in a number of industries (porn, "pick-up artistry"), organisations (churches) and locations (Ghana, USA). It is also very funny at times, although a minor criticism must be some of the many tangential, witty remarks felt a bit perfunctory and grating at times.
All in all, I couldn't recommend this enough - male or female.
July 3, 2018
No original ideas, not amazingly presented, some funny bits at the start. The problems he expresses with modern day society is equally applicable to men and women but it is interesting to learn that in countries with good, paid paternity leave children end up more successful.
September 22, 2017
Buvo labai baisu skaityti.
March 7, 2020
Really didn’t enjoy this read, I think it was the writing style that didn’t quite agree with me. It got better towards the end, around the final third, but by then I just wanted to finish the book and wasn’t really fully invested anymore. There are a couple of good points being raised here and there, but overall I thought the book was far too ranty and really didn’t get across the main point i.e. the evolution of daily activities from early Homo sapiens and the disconcert with the traits selected for in the past and are no longer best suited to the modern-day environment.
It doesn’t really address “how to live as a male in the 21st century” as touted boldly on the cover, I thought a more accurate summary would be “why the world is completely against me, a male living in the 21st century, because I absolutely refuse to change my ways or adapt to the environment around me”. Other reviews have suggested that readers who enjoyed this liked the author’s honesty, I’m not sure I concur but perhaps that is why I’m on the other side of the fence. I thought it was whiny, and focused on how nothing was ever his fault. It’s fine to think that the environment made you who you are, and that it is not your fault, but the way in which this was written came off as brash and arrogant and this tone got to me after awhile. He makes some semi-decent points towards the end, but this book was beyond salvage by then, and there are other books which address even those semi-decent points far better. 2 stars.
It doesn’t really address “how to live as a male in the 21st century” as touted boldly on the cover, I thought a more accurate summary would be “why the world is completely against me, a male living in the 21st century, because I absolutely refuse to change my ways or adapt to the environment around me”. Other reviews have suggested that readers who enjoyed this liked the author’s honesty, I’m not sure I concur but perhaps that is why I’m on the other side of the fence. I thought it was whiny, and focused on how nothing was ever his fault. It’s fine to think that the environment made you who you are, and that it is not your fault, but the way in which this was written came off as brash and arrogant and this tone got to me after awhile. He makes some semi-decent points towards the end, but this book was beyond salvage by then, and there are other books which address even those semi-decent points far better. 2 stars.
May 22, 2022
Boo! Tim list the long plight of women but spends the first few chapters talking how monogamy doesn't work for all men and the stigma of masturbation. Followed by why is awful that men can't express themselves. Fairly pathetic points against the backdrop of the horrendous suffering and inequality women face daily. On the other hand Tim raises a number of really important points: fair parental rights, allowing men an acceptable way to release aggression, the worrying consequences of increase porn use (especially in young boys), how modern society and our work culture is suppressing normal social male bonding and physical health. I fully agree there needs to more conversations on this topics, but this poorly written, repetitive, often dull book doesn't cut it.
June 17, 2021
I liked this book. An interesting examination of what it means to be male in today's society, it is lighthearted in its delivery, whilst still addressing a number of important points. It loses its way occasionally, digressing into slightly random areas. Overall it makes some very good points, particularly around male mental health. Worth a read.
November 21, 2017
The anecdotes and autobiographical elements are okay. the author is likeable enough.
nothing groundbreaking in his ideas but it is interesting to see the data and statistics he adds to them. he does this while keeping it as a light and easy read.
nothing groundbreaking in his ideas but it is interesting to see the data and statistics he adds to them. he does this while keeping it as a light and easy read.
December 26, 2017
I didn’t expect much from this book when I began reading it. However, after completing it, I think the book is quite a useful conversation-starter about men and masculinity in the rapidly changing world.
February 5, 2024
Would definitely recommend this book to all the men I know, and my fellow women too - to get a better understanding of men. Really like Tim’s views. He writes as a man for men talking with a lot of insight.
July 23, 2017
pretty good book not politically correct which is a rare thing now a days. jashan from Melbourne
July 30, 2023
Has some moments but drags on…
March 9, 2025
I feared I was going to find this offensive, as a feminist, but I needn’t have worried. Interesting to learn more about what’s going on in the baffling minds of men!
February 26, 2017
Poorly argued self-indulgent piffle. This book does not look at the role of men in modern society - the journalist just drones on about tinder and masturbation without actually arriving at any discernible conclusion. A waste of an evening.
February 2, 2017
Het boek geeft een prima beeld van de positie van de, hetero, man in onze maatschappij. De schrijver is Brits en dat is in een aantal zaken te merken. De focus op porno en het vinden van een vaste relatie of niet zijn ingegeven door eigen ervaringen. Adviezen op het einde grijpen terug op gedragspatronen in het verleden. Ik mis een voorstel voor een verbetering van de positie gebaseerd op de ontwikkeling van de afgelopen jaren.
January 8, 2017
Enjoyable light hearted look at masculinity
Highly recommended, good insight into the everyday struggles of the modern man. Funny, real facts that might be overlooked by most men
Highly recommended, good insight into the everyday struggles of the modern man. Funny, real facts that might be overlooked by most men
April 11, 2017
After reading 'Everyday Sexism' by Laura Bates, a book predominantly focusing on the female experience, I was interested in finding some non-fiction on masculinity, especially as I would be able to relate to more. Which is why I picked up 'Who Stole My Spear?'.
Tim Samuels provides a really indepth and powerful exploration of what it means to be a man - from childhood to adulthood - and explored a variety of topics including high suicide rates, post war PTSD, work pressure etc. The book really had me thinking about ideas from different perspectives - for research, Samuels visits classes that teach men how to pick up and talk to woman, which definitely can be seen as misogynistic and objectifying women, but I had never consider the lack of self esteem and confidence some of these men must have been experiencing to go in the first place.
I did find some of his ideas questionable though, which is why I couldn't give this 5 stars - for example, is monogamy really an issue for men? Maybe it is, and I was completely missing the point, but it seemed so trivial in comparison to both the serious topics on men, but also those for women.
What I did find particularly interesting was the Introduction, where Samuels essentially justifies why he's writing the book in the first place. His explanation felt heavy handed, just to prove to readers who don't understand such a simple concept: BOTH men and women experience problems due to their genders, and nothing will improve is we don't recognise and help. However, despite this, his point (spread across multiple pages so I'll cut it down) makes a lot of sense:
'This isn't a sappy tirade for men's rights. We are the dominant gender and don't have many glass ceilings to push through [...] Sure, men are the undisputed gender - so much so that they can be called an 'invisible' gender not worthy of academic study - but there's a difference between male power across society and the individual experiences of men. To conflate the two as some are wont to do - what have men got to complain about - is to simplistically miss the point.'
Definitely happy to have picked 'Who Stole My Spear?', and look forward to reading more about gender and masculinity.
Tim Samuels provides a really indepth and powerful exploration of what it means to be a man - from childhood to adulthood - and explored a variety of topics including high suicide rates, post war PTSD, work pressure etc. The book really had me thinking about ideas from different perspectives - for research, Samuels visits classes that teach men how to pick up and talk to woman, which definitely can be seen as misogynistic and objectifying women, but I had never consider the lack of self esteem and confidence some of these men must have been experiencing to go in the first place.
I did find some of his ideas questionable though, which is why I couldn't give this 5 stars - for example, is monogamy really an issue for men? Maybe it is, and I was completely missing the point, but it seemed so trivial in comparison to both the serious topics on men, but also those for women.
What I did find particularly interesting was the Introduction, where Samuels essentially justifies why he's writing the book in the first place. His explanation felt heavy handed, just to prove to readers who don't understand such a simple concept: BOTH men and women experience problems due to their genders, and nothing will improve is we don't recognise and help. However, despite this, his point (spread across multiple pages so I'll cut it down) makes a lot of sense:
'This isn't a sappy tirade for men's rights. We are the dominant gender and don't have many glass ceilings to push through [...] Sure, men are the undisputed gender - so much so that they can be called an 'invisible' gender not worthy of academic study - but there's a difference between male power across society and the individual experiences of men. To conflate the two as some are wont to do - what have men got to complain about - is to simplistically miss the point.'
Definitely happy to have picked 'Who Stole My Spear?', and look forward to reading more about gender and masculinity.
April 17, 2017
A light hearted look at when it means to be a man and where men fit in a post-gender boxercise society. It doesn't demand that women return to the kitchen but instead examines masculinity in the modern world.
What I took from it was that we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water. There's a lot of toxic rubbish when it comes to what a man should be/do but some of it isn't total guff and may be linked to why the suicide rate and incarceration rate for men is so high. You can be manly without being a dick.
What I took from it was that we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water. There's a lot of toxic rubbish when it comes to what a man should be/do but some of it isn't total guff and may be linked to why the suicide rate and incarceration rate for men is so high. You can be manly without being a dick.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews