Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility: The Authoritative Manual for Every Civilized Household, However Harried

by Judith Martin

America's leading civility expert knocks household discourteousness off its foundations.As the rudeness rampant in America's streets sends its citizens fleeing inside to bolt the doors and draw the shades, they are finding what was once the relative safety of the hearth threatened by an unwelcome addition to their living space--the same rudeness presumably left behind when they stepped across their own cozy thresholds.With the keen wit and insight that distinguishes her column and previous books, Judith Martin's newest work equips residences everywhere with the tools to return manners to domestic life. Refusing to recognize that the harried household cannot meet her standards of propriety--especially since all households are now harried--Miss Manners explains how this is done.Whether your family is nuclear, blended, extended, or unrelated; whether you are single, divorced, living together, or married; at a family dinner or dinner party; engaged in combat with the neighbors or with the relatives--there is simply no substitute for the core of civility that must reside at the heart of every house, condo or apartment if it is truly to be a home.Miss Manners is prepared to sweep through your house and get rid of those lurking traces of rudeness that you were pretending not to notice.You know you are not going to be able to enjoy a pleasant and peaceful household until these few chores are done.Table of ContentsChapter One--The PeopleAllotting due space and respect to parents, children, roommates, relatives--and whoever thoseother people are whom one of them must have brought homeChapter Two--The PlaceMaking use of the rooms instead of turning them into a mess or a museum, while everybody huddles upstairsChapter Three--The RulesNegotiating compromises without having to leave home for Domestic Dispute CourtChapter Four--The SystemKeeping track of where everybody is, where they are supposed to be, and what they are supposed to be doing (if they remember)Chapter Five--The HelpGetting the housework done when you can't complain about the Servant Problem--because theservants are you and the people in the phone book who may be there sometime todayChapter Six--The VisitorsOffering hospitality without surrendering your privacy or your resources to the thanklessChapter The Social ContractReviving the art of not-for-profit entertaining to make friends who will love you for yourselfChapter The Social EventLearning to give a variety of parties, formal and informal--because it beats staying home alone watching TVChapter The RelativesKindling warm memories rather than heated conflict at family occasionsChapter Ten--The CommunityBeing pleasant enough to the neighbors so you're not afraid to walk out your own front door

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Self Help, Reference, Relationships, How To

499 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1999

About the author

Judith Martin (née Perlman), better known by the pen name Miss Manners, is an American journalist, author, and etiquette authority.

Since 1978 she has written an advice column, which is distributed three times a week by United Features Syndicate and carried in more than 200 newspapers worldwide. In the column, she answers etiquette questions contributed by her readers and writes short essays on problems of manners, or clarifies the essential qualities of politeness.

Reviews

[ALLEN · Rating 4 out of 5]

MISS MANNERS' GUIDE TO DOMESTIC TRANQUILITY covers the inhabitants and the proper functioning of the middle (okay, upper-middle) class American household, and like all Miss Manners' volumes, it's a hoot. Nor is it particularly dated, even though it's going on 20 years old. This is a great place to start on the Miss Manners (Judith Martin) canon, this or her GUIDE TO EXCRUCIATINGLY PERFECT BEHAVIOR. Written with a smile, but full of useful and pertinent information as well as good common sense.

[J · Rating 3 out of 5]

I use to adore all things Miss Manners. I don't know if my preferences are changing or the material is, but I found this book just okay. I loved reading Miss Manners growing up because it was a textbook of sorts on how the deal with people and function effectively in society.

This book seemed to contain a lot of moral pontificating that had less to do with patterns of social interaction and more with changing people's perception of right/wrong. I was annoyed by lots of PC encroachments (i.e. problems from 'domestic partners' treated as normal and dealing with 'religious people' accepted as a known annoyance). Miss Manners herself pointed refers to people who have moral problems with homosexuality as "ignorant" in one answer passage. I think I may have just skipped over some of these sections in the past, but I don't remember there being so many of them or them being so pointed. In today's political environment, traditionalism seems to be a public whipping boy and Miss Manners added a few kicks of her own under the guise of etiquette.

Silly me thought etiquette was a useful tool in helping people with different points of view to coexist peacefully together - not to beat people with different viewpoints into submitting to your views.

[Luke Soto · Rating 3 out of 5]

Judith martin is amazing.

this is a great book that I must say was really helpful to help get over awkward situations.

manners do matter and they are the things what when practiced can help us live a better life with the people around us. when we are considerate we are also helping those around us to be more comfortable.

this is a great book that has helped many and I recommend this book to help those that don't know how to be polite to family members, this is a great read and humorous too.

I recommend this to all families.

[Shahira8826 · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility" by Judith Martin is a witty, thought-provoking collection of essays and Q&A from Miss Manners' daily column. If you enjoy Miss Manners' articles, you're going to enjoy this book!

[Laura Steinert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Revisiting another old favorite. Miss Manners wit and wisdom are timeless.

[Yoon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Years ago I had the misimpression that anyone going by the name of Miss Manners would chiefly be interested in the difference between a salad spork (fork, whatever) and a soup spork (spoon, whatever). This is, to my delight, not the case! The approach taken is that of etiquette as a form of socially enforced common sense (for times when common sense is sadly all too uncommon) and social lubricant. The idea is for people to be able to get along or pretend to get along instead of driving each other crazy over each others' quirks, quibbles, and neuroses.

This book is organized by topic, with Miss Manners expounding lightly and sardonically on each (e.g. The People, Visitors, various categories of Entertaining) before going on to respond to example letters. Even if you don't end up agreeing with Miss Manners' solutions or retorts, she is devastatingly witty, especially when she thinks the letter-writer is being asinine. (Disconcertingly, I thought most of what she said made good sense. Um, not that I'm any great shakes in the etiquette department.) You could quite easily pass an hour or two entertaining yourself by reading the letters-and-responses alone, especially if you have a taste for elegantly worded snark.

[Magda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yay, the snark!

List of Lists pp. 122-3.

"When Miss Manners read a possibly apocryphal report that guests of the Roman emperor Nero had been known to feign death with the hope of being carried out while his private violin recitals were still going on, she was impressed. Amateur performances require accomplished manners. To risk premature burial in order to depart without protest from the artistic endeavors of the untalented struck her as a solution bordering on the heroic." —p. 224

[Reema · Rating 2 out of 5]

some useful advice for wiggling out of or walking calmly away from bad situations and grumpy people. esp. if you live/have survived some obnoxious folks or are a public servant. many chapters that did not apply to me--as i am neither a parent nor a social debutante--but overall, a certain humorous perspective on situations that also asks you to take a grain of salt and some self-reflection with various situations you complain about. and that can definitely be helpful!

[HeavyReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok, so I didn't read every word in this book. I read all the letters that gentle readers sent to Miss Manners, as well as her replies. I did not read every single essay that Miss Manners wrote about ettiquette. While Miss Manners writes a fine essay, her real strength lies in her witty and scathing answers to letters. That's what I concentrated on.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

All my life I've been a devotee of Amy Vanderbilt's etiquitte guidelines, but I think I may now be a convert to Miss Manners.

I'd always thought that "with a name like 'Miss Manners' she must be lame", but it turns out I couldn't have been more wrong. Her worldview is spot-on, and she gives advice with such biting wit that her book was a joy to read.

[Donna Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you need to know what the polite thing is to do, whether it is with in-laws before or after your marriage, or in formal situations where you need the correct fork and want to know which stranger you should talk to at the table, this is your book. I consider it reference material, though it is highly entertaining also.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Miss Manners is as amusing and instructive as ever, with her gentle guidance on how to correct those whose manners are lacking. Much of it is common sense, but sometimes she supplies exactly the right words to say when (without them) your mouth would be hanging open in shock.

[Tuckova · Rating 4 out of 5]

This lacked some of the bite of her two other big books (Excruciatingly Correct and Turn of the Millennium), but is still excellent. Useful advice on polite approaches to housekeeping and sharing living space.

[M. H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you ever wanted to know the rules of etiquette Miss Manners has them in a style that is tongue-in-cheek with a lavender handkerchief to hide behind.

[Bap · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don't know how I got my hands on this snobby book. Mostly useless advice on etiquette that is fast disappearing. Forgetable. Just try to be nice, respectful, don't be a fool and you will get by.

[La · Rating 4 out of 5]

read for the LOLS. i'm cheekily very into running a "proper" home, and just etiquette in general.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

perfect referance guide in dificult incounters. its funny and full of witty things to do in a polite yet authoritative way. Her view is perfect.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I mean, it's Miss Manners.

[Lana Glover · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun to read some of the Miss Manners letters through the years.

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining, as Miss Manners books always are. I always find her narrative a bit tedious, but love the letters and her responses (although I suspect the letters are either fake or heavily edited--surely no one really writes in such perfectly polite English). A delightful guide on dealing with challenging relatives, friends, and cow0rkers in modern life.