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405 pages, Paperback
First published September 29, 2026
❝I‘ve been shackled to a monster all my life❞
❝I learned a long time ago that if I could deescalate tension, I might be able to keep myself safe. That I might be able to keep other people safe. That maybe they’d stick around. It started as a survival tactic. But it became my identity…I keep trying to pull on the suit of the old James, the easier James, the version of me that was once a pleasure to be around. I don’t know how to find him anymore. I think he might be dead❞
❝Life taught me enough about pain. I want to read stories that teach me about joy❞
❝When i look at aaron warner anderson, living legend I think about how he once single-handedly fought off dozens off soldiers armed with nothing but a machete— but also how he once slapped me in the head with a pair off rubber gloves and taught me how to scrub a toilet❞
❝It took me the past 5 years to understand that I don‘t know how to communicate. That deep down I‘m insecure and afraid of my own feelings, and that I Iash out and break down the most when I‘m vulnerable, because growing up I was always punished for being soft❞
❝I‘m still not ready to talk about it. Look whatever, I wanted a future, okay?I wanted all the hard, messy, complicated shit tgat comes next. She didn‘t. And I think I deserve to be with someone who actually loves me and isn‘t gping to bail the minute things get hard❞
❝I was a lot like you once❞
❝Kenji has been a brother to me for at least as long as my own blood brothers, I‘d take s bullet for him without stopping or considering the consequences❞
❝I‘m sorry you‘re going through all this shit right now❞
❝I thought u were my mother❞
❝Castle‘s relationship with Kenji goes further back than it does with the rest of us. He essentially adopted Kenji as a child, habing discovered him alone and starving in a shopping cart by the side of the road. Castle was always the rare adult in the room anyone could trust, but he was more of afather figure to Kenji than just a leader❞
❝I never should‘ve doubted your instincts. I taught ypu and trainer you from the time you were a child, I should‘ve had more faith in you. If nothing else I should‘ve had more faith in myself. You‘ve grown up James, and it was hard for me to see you for who you are. It was a mistake to shut you out of these conversations. You were right. About all of it. From the beginning❞
❝You’re mine. My problem. My pain. My fucking heart❞
❝I could‘ve lost her. That thought alone nearly kills me❞
❝I asked her to marry me❞