What do you think?
Rate this book
Pounded by Pluto: The Crappiest Planet
“I don’t want to live on this planet any more.” It’s a common thought after seeing what ridiculous crap gets published on the Internet. Well, astrophysical adventurer Tyson DeNeil Grassbone is taking it literally and moving to Pluto, which can’t be any worse than Earth.
He’s in for a surprise when Pluto wants to engage in a little seismic activity. The only question is: wait, what? How?
Pounded by Pluto is a 5000 word short story with universal appeal. It kicks off the epic space opera of Leonard Delaney’s The Planets.
Note: Leonard Delaney’s books all take place in the same Lennyverse, but can be read in any order.
He’s in for a surprise when Pluto wants to engage in a little seismic activity. The only question is: wait, what? How?
Pounded by Pluto is a 5000 word short story with universal appeal. It kicks off the epic space opera of Leonard Delaney’s The Planets.
Note: Leonard Delaney’s books all take place in the same Lennyverse, but can be read in any order.
23 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 17, 2015
15 people are currently reading
165 people want to read
About the author
Leonard Delaney
20 books46 followersFully ignoring the lame advice to "write what you know," Leonard Delaney uses a vivid imagination to overcome limited life experience. His unique blend of erotica, fantasy, and science fiction explores the lighter side of massacring good taste. His debut novella, Sex Boat, is two parts parody, one part satire, with a sprinkle of sea monsters.
See http://www.forestcitypulp.com for more information about Leonard, or email him at ldelaney@forestcitypulp.com
See http://www.forestcitypulp.com for more information about Leonard, or email him at ldelaney@forestcitypulp.com
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 91 reviews
May 3, 2025
So a dude mates with a dwarf planet. If any of us were in that position, we’d do the same. This is no time to be shy, folks. If you’re reading this review, you’ve already exposed yourself as wierdo like me. But you’re in good company. I do want to call attention to one of the many major public issues that Tyson, our main character, listed off. Racism, bigotry, and, most importantly, the issue with fried chicken sandwiches. I still don’t understand what the big craze was about with the Popeye’s fried chicken sandwich a few years ago. Like it’s just a piece of their delicious, Louisiana-style fried chicken on a bun, right? And people were waiting in line for hours to get one. And the locations kept running out of them. Can someone explain it to me? Needless to say, it’s a big problem in our society that needs to be addressed before it’s too late. I mean, if Tyson left Earth for something like that, how long before we’re all in outer space, trying to make sweet, passionate 50s-style nookies with any of the wide variety of planets of there. Call me crazy, but I always thought Neptune was the most sensual of them all. I’m happy to announce that I’ve polluted my already damaged mind enough today with these Leonard Delaney books, and will now be returning to my horror roots.
June 3, 2025
tai buvo....kliteratūrinė poezija 💖
September 15, 2022
‘Twas tacked onto the end of the Tetris book and I can’t deny the creativity and originality of making Pluto a sentient centuries old creature obsessed with love in all its forms to a terrifying degree.
CW: explicit sexual content, violence
CW: explicit sexual content, violence
February 14, 2025
Ending 2024 reading a short story about a guy who fucks a dwarf planet that's actually some kind of celestial being and love is supposedly the 119th element of the periodic table sounds about right.
"I need your tight little intergalactic porthole"
This quote exists, just thought people might like to know that.
These kind of short stories and novellas are weird and often not very good. But it won't stop me reading them 😂
"I need your tight little intergalactic porthole"
This quote exists, just thought people might like to know that.
These kind of short stories and novellas are weird and often not very good. But it won't stop me reading them 😂
Read
May 2, 2025“Damn, Pluto, look at that celestial body.”
This had me rolling. Brilliant. Ridiculous. Clever. Hilarious.
Did I know Pluto could be so… that? No. I need all the planet smut now. An entire solar system smut series please.
“Oh Science! I’m coming!”
DEAR UNIVERSE, I’M ERUPTING!
Easy 5 stars. 10/10 would bang Pluto for science.
This had me rolling. Brilliant. Ridiculous. Clever. Hilarious.
Did I know Pluto could be so… that? No. I need all the planet smut now. An entire solar system smut series please.
“Oh Science! I’m coming!”
DEAR UNIVERSE, I’M ERUPTING!
Easy 5 stars. 10/10 would bang Pluto for science.
Read
July 21, 2022Why
July 10, 2024
This was a book I read ... Why do I hate myself that much
February 24, 2024
weird ass romance bookclub book. this made my face hurt. everything is so bad it's good. I get the joke. the joke is good. loved it.
October 28, 2023
Coming from the same author who brought us Conquered by Clippy is what I think is their best work yet.
I didn’t know what to expect going into this because…the cover.
Tyson deNeil Grassbone … is sick of living on the planet. He decides fuck it in outta here. He goes to his billionaire friend, Dick Branson, and gets a personal rocket to take to Pluto.
I’m gonna do some quick points here because honestly it’s friggin hilarious.
- Brandon is surrounded by women in a hot tub…Lynn Bondar, Yo So-Yeon, and Paris Cordova.
- FYI those names are spins on three real life female engineers/astronauts
- His ship is like a snarky Siri and may be my favorite character. It constantly berates him and says shit like “It’s quiet. I could hear a mouse fart,”
- Tyson hates Pluto. He’s spent his whole life proving Pluto isn’t a planet and can’t say enough horrid things about it.
- When he gets to Pluto he pulls out a lawn chair and a beer and just plops on down.
- He starts reading the period table for fun when he hears a voice
- Yeah it’s the planet who tells him there is a missing element…love
- Of course, they have to bang it out to synthesize love.
- A crack appears in the surface of the planet, revealing some tentacle things and what he calls “one of his many orifaces” then says “YES, TYSON, YOU NEED TO FUCK ME. FOR SCIENCE.”
Anyhoo, Tyson bangs Pluto and then Pluto is like ok my turn. Tyson is like, wait I thought you were a girl planet? And pluto is like uhhh beings that predate the galaxy have no concept of gender idk why you humans make a big deal out of it.
Obviously a planet sized dong won’t fit, until his sassy ship suggests they upload his consciousness to the ship so Pluto can fuck the ship.
They do it, and more sacrelgious science pins happen.
Anyway, they finish and their combined spunk creates a double rainbow, but ship-Tyson dumped all his fuel as he erupted so the ship starts to crash, obviously.
Boom out of nowhere, Paris comes and saves the ship. But now Tyson is like, ok thanks Pluto uh this was fun thanks for showing me what love is I gotta go. AND HE LEAVES! What a dick.
Poor Pluto cries lava as Tyson leaves.
Honestly I think this is in my top 10 favorite unfortunate reads. Read at your own risk
I didn’t know what to expect going into this because…the cover.
Tyson deNeil Grassbone … is sick of living on the planet. He decides fuck it in outta here. He goes to his billionaire friend, Dick Branson, and gets a personal rocket to take to Pluto.
I’m gonna do some quick points here because honestly it’s friggin hilarious.
- Brandon is surrounded by women in a hot tub…Lynn Bondar, Yo So-Yeon, and Paris Cordova.
- FYI those names are spins on three real life female engineers/astronauts
- His ship is like a snarky Siri and may be my favorite character. It constantly berates him and says shit like “It’s quiet. I could hear a mouse fart,”
- Tyson hates Pluto. He’s spent his whole life proving Pluto isn’t a planet and can’t say enough horrid things about it.
- When he gets to Pluto he pulls out a lawn chair and a beer and just plops on down.
- He starts reading the period table for fun when he hears a voice
- Yeah it’s the planet who tells him there is a missing element…love
- Of course, they have to bang it out to synthesize love.
- A crack appears in the surface of the planet, revealing some tentacle things and what he calls “one of his many orifaces” then says “YES, TYSON, YOU NEED TO FUCK ME. FOR SCIENCE.”
Anyhoo, Tyson bangs Pluto and then Pluto is like ok my turn. Tyson is like, wait I thought you were a girl planet? And pluto is like uhhh beings that predate the galaxy have no concept of gender idk why you humans make a big deal out of it.
Obviously a planet sized dong won’t fit, until his sassy ship suggests they upload his consciousness to the ship so Pluto can fuck the ship.
They do it, and more sacrelgious science pins happen.
Anyway, they finish and their combined spunk creates a double rainbow, but ship-Tyson dumped all his fuel as he erupted so the ship starts to crash, obviously.
Boom out of nowhere, Paris comes and saves the ship. But now Tyson is like, ok thanks Pluto uh this was fun thanks for showing me what love is I gotta go. AND HE LEAVES! What a dick.
Poor Pluto cries lava as Tyson leaves.
Honestly I think this is in my top 10 favorite unfortunate reads. Read at your own risk
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Read
December 9, 2024I’ll never stop laughing over tyson deneil grassbone 🤣🤣🤣🤣
December 22, 2022
Never did I think I'd read the words 'Fuck me up the astronomy'.
January 16, 2023
3.5⭐️-
I did what I had to do…
Like the main character in this book - I jumped in, immersed myself, then ran away.
Glad to know Pluto is an androgynous icon.
I did what I had to do…
Like the main character in this book - I jumped in, immersed myself, then ran away.
Glad to know Pluto is an androgynous icon.
February 3, 2025
i think it’s time to give up reading
January 17, 2026
Before I start my review I have to say I'm a huge fan of Pluto and disagree with Neil deGrasse Tyson about it's status as a planet - yes I understand the reasoning but I don't have to agree 😂 However I don't dislike him enough to write the absolute atrocity that is this book!
The story is about an ingeniously named Tyson deNeil Grassbone and his absolute hatred and disdain for the planet Pluto. He decides that he also hates Earth and the only way to deal with all these things is to travel to Pluto. Somehow Richard Branson is dragged into this and it's one of his rocket ships that takes our cranky main character to space, it's also sentient and has a potty mouth. And yes it really bothered me that a supposedly all knowing AI used such foul language 🤷
I know it's not the point, but it also bothered me that it was said to be traveling at almost the speed of light but took two days to get to Pluto, when really on average it should have taken five and a half hours, maybe getting to the outlier time of seven hours at most!
The 119th element is love = you need to f**k a planet FOR SCIENCE!!
His penis is described as sizeable yet clever - looking ... I need more details? What does this even mean? Also I'm disappointed it wasn't described as an appendage.
The band Foreigner was sadly dragged into this mess.
I always go into these books not expecting Shakespeare, but I at least expect a fun time, however "Not from the stars do I my judgement pluck, And yet methinks I have astronomy".
The story is about an ingeniously named Tyson deNeil Grassbone and his absolute hatred and disdain for the planet Pluto. He decides that he also hates Earth and the only way to deal with all these things is to travel to Pluto. Somehow Richard Branson is dragged into this and it's one of his rocket ships that takes our cranky main character to space, it's also sentient and has a potty mouth. And yes it really bothered me that a supposedly all knowing AI used such foul language 🤷
I know it's not the point, but it also bothered me that it was said to be traveling at almost the speed of light but took two days to get to Pluto, when really on average it should have taken five and a half hours, maybe getting to the outlier time of seven hours at most!
The 119th element is love = you need to f**k a planet FOR SCIENCE!!
His penis is described as sizeable yet clever - looking ... I need more details? What does this even mean? Also I'm disappointed it wasn't described as an appendage.
The band Foreigner was sadly dragged into this mess.
I always go into these books not expecting Shakespeare, but I at least expect a fun time, however "Not from the stars do I my judgement pluck, And yet methinks I have astronomy".
November 22, 2023
Did I intend to read this book? No. The only reason I did was because it was already tacked onto the end of Taken by the Tetris Block (another insane story by this author).
All I can say is that I never thought I’d read the sentence “I need you inside of my space pussy”.
All I can say is that I never thought I’d read the sentence “I need you inside of my space pussy”.
Read
November 23, 2023unfortunately i got roped into this bc it was at the end of the tetris book. i’m feeling an awful lot of regret right now. worst experience of my life. i need to learn that i actually don’t need to read every outrageous thing i see
February 2, 2023
It could have at least been funny but instead it felt like I was wading through a pile of shit just to have in thrown in my face at the end.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 12, 2023
Perfection. No notes.
November 23, 2023
Pluto slander 👎🏻
December 18, 2023
I need to stop being curious.
Read
January 14, 2025Wtf did I just read? 😂
March 11, 2025
If you see this I am so sorry
December 15, 2022
Again ignore this, it was a baf night where insomnia was winning and I fell down a rabbit hole!
Out of all the weird smut I read, this has been the weirdest. An entire planet!? But your consciousness was transferred to a ship? It was also a sad ending for Pluto. I would love to give these five starts because they're so whacky and wild, but it just doesn't seem right. They're short, straight to the point and so fucking bizarre but enjoyable!
Out of all the weird smut I read, this has been the weirdest. An entire planet!? But your consciousness was transferred to a ship? It was also a sad ending for Pluto. I would love to give these five starts because they're so whacky and wild, but it just doesn't seem right. They're short, straight to the point and so fucking bizarre but enjoyable!
February 28, 2025
What the actual f*** did I read? Honestly tho, funny af.
September 27, 2025
The way I cackled. So many funny lines. I can’t believe I read that
November 30, 2023
By far the funniest book I've read for my book club
December 16, 2022
What was I supposed to do, NOT read the free bonus book after the Tetris one?? Nay! The author was so kind as to give us this gem for FREE and I will not deny this wondrous gift!
I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
July 19, 2022
It was hilarious. I loved all the satire and bad puns. No hate, just LOVE.
April 25, 2023
God hath given me sight and I have forsaken it.
January 8, 2024
This might be the funniest short story I’ve read yet. I couldn’t stop laughing and highlighting this one. This is tucked into the ebook of Taken by the Tetris Blocks. The author mentions it’s banned by the Zon due to the cover.
I wanted to give this five stars because it gave me so much joy to read, but I gave it three because I mean it’s a man giving the business to a planet and a planet giving a man the business. I changed my mind. 5⭐️
In this wonderful story, Tyson DeNeil Grassbone (his name had me cracking up immediately) wants to leave Earth. He thinks it’s the worst place even worse than the crappiest planet, Pluto. So he takes a talking spaceship to Pluto. While lounging on the surface of the planet he hears a voice and discovers that the planet is sentient and into science. Pluto tells him there’s a missing element on the periodic table, the element of love and they must synthesize it together. You can imagine how this goes. I’m just going to leave you with some quotes. Spoilers in the quotes.
🚀🧑🚀☄️
YES, said Pluto. TYSON, YOU NEED TO FCK ME. FOR SCIENCE.
the fascination of this unknown genitalia was even more exciting than all the naked humans on Earth. “Damn, Pluto, look at that celestial body.” The orifice puckered tight as he approached, so that there was only a finger-sized hole among the ridged flesh. I NEED YOU INSIDE OF MY SPACE 🐱. LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT LOVE IS, TYSON.
“I want to know what love is. I want you to show me,” said Tyson, grateful that this planet was allowing a foreigner to share this experience with it.
TURN AROUND. I NEED YOUR TIGHT LITTLE INTERGALACTIC PORT-HOLE.
I wanted to give this five stars because it gave me so much joy to read, but I gave it three because I mean it’s a man giving the business to a planet and a planet giving a man the business. I changed my mind. 5⭐️
In this wonderful story, Tyson DeNeil Grassbone (his name had me cracking up immediately) wants to leave Earth. He thinks it’s the worst place even worse than the crappiest planet, Pluto. So he takes a talking spaceship to Pluto. While lounging on the surface of the planet he hears a voice and discovers that the planet is sentient and into science. Pluto tells him there’s a missing element on the periodic table, the element of love and they must synthesize it together. You can imagine how this goes. I’m just going to leave you with some quotes. Spoilers in the quotes.
🚀🧑🚀☄️
YES, said Pluto. TYSON, YOU NEED TO FCK ME. FOR SCIENCE.
the fascination of this unknown genitalia was even more exciting than all the naked humans on Earth. “Damn, Pluto, look at that celestial body.” The orifice puckered tight as he approached, so that there was only a finger-sized hole among the ridged flesh. I NEED YOU INSIDE OF MY SPACE 🐱. LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT LOVE IS, TYSON.
“I want to know what love is. I want you to show me,” said Tyson, grateful that this planet was allowing a foreigner to share this experience with it.
TURN AROUND. I NEED YOUR TIGHT LITTLE INTERGALACTIC PORT-HOLE.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 91 reviews