The Killer in Me

by Margot Harrison

Seventeen-year-old Nina Barrows knows all about the Thief. She’s intimately familiar with his hunting methods: how he stalks and kills at random, how he disposes of his victims’ bodies in an abandoned mine in the deepest, most desolate part of a desert.

Now, for the first time, Nina has the chance to do something about the serial killer that no one else knows exists. With the help of her former best friend, Warren, she tracks the Thief two thousand miles, to his home turf—the deserts of New Mexico.

But the man she meets there seems nothing like the brutal sociopath with whom she’s had a disturbing connection her whole life. To anyone else, Dylan Shadwell is exactly what he appears to be: a young veteran committed to his girlfriend and her young daughter. As Nina spends more time with him, she begins to doubt the truth she once held as certain: Dylan Shadwell is the Thief. She even starts to wonder . . . what if there is no Thief?

Genres: Young Adult, Thriller, Mystery, Horror, Mystery Thriller, Fiction, Contemporary

368 pages, Hardcover

First published July 12, 2016

About the author

Margot Harrison was raised in the wilds of New York by lovely, nonviolent parents who somehow never managed to prevent her from staying up late to read scary books. She now works at an alt-weekly newspaper in Vermont, where her favorite part of the job is, of course, reviewing scary books and movies.

Reviews

[Alienor ✘ French Frowner ✘]

► Let's have a minute of silence dedicated to everything that was missing in The Killer in Me, okay?

✘RIP, suspense. You almost tricked me in the beginning, but soon it became clear that I'd entered a magical place where somehow, I am Sherlock (I am not). Not to be mean or anything, but I feel a little baffled by the fact that I'm supposed to acknowledge the existence of twists in there. Twists there aren't, but rather long, laborious passages in which I know what's happening and the MC just can't FIGURE IT OUT. Did I mention that I was no Sherlock? Me guessing almost everything at 25% shouldn't happen in a Thriller. Ever.

✘ RIP, suspension of disbelief (SoD). Again, buddy left too soon. Look, I am not one of these readers who ask for scientific accuracies in Science-Fiction, but even me have a hard time accepting fantastical explanations in contemporaries. I mean, where do we draw the line, then? If everything is possible, why bother finding believable plots? The Killer in Me abandoned any pretense of caring about logical reasoning early on, and in my opinion it weakened grandly the book - I call bullshit on this.

✘ RIP, coherence. Hey, look at SoD's buddy trying to survive its friend! Of course it's a fail! You cannot give up everything that makes a contemporary and hope that somehow it will keep working. It doesn't. Each and every one of Nina's doubts just does not make any sense, because she keeps forgetting facts that would destroy them :

How can she doubt her visions when the details she knows about Dylan SCREAM that they're real? If his name was the only information she 'guessed', I would have accepted it, but what of his girlfriend? His models? His freaking CAR? There is no way that she would have 'absorbed' these details as a child, so of course her visions are real, and I felt a little insulted in my intelligence when I saw her 'doubting' for pages and pages. P-lease.

✘ RIP, showing. This one speaks for itself, or, rather, TELLS for itself.

✘ RIP, climax. I was expecting a thrilling descent into hell - what I got is a little hike in the mountains. Don't be fooled, the atmosphere is dark, but my feelings stayed muffled and when the ending came, I just didn't care anymore. There was no dilemma as far as I'm concerned, no nuances.

► Although I did like Warren and his loyalty to Nina, and that the writing, if unpretentious, was pretty compelling, with vivid descriptions sometimes, unfortunately The Killer in Me wasn't the great book I'd been waiting for my come-back into reading. Disappointing.

PS. It feels so GOOD to write a review again. I'M BACK! WOOT! EVEN IF I'M IN THE MINORITY ON THIS ONE! I DON'T CARE! sorry, got a little excited here

*arc kindly provided by the publisher through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review*

For more of my reviews, please visit:

[Anna Breslaw]

I got an ARC of this book, and—no surprise to me—I found it incredibly compelling. First of all, I loved how the writing style was so sharp and to the point, maximizing the adrenaline that really gets a story like this going. It actually kind of reminded me of Suzanne Collins' prose in that way.

But more than that, I really liked the unique story. I'm sort of a serial killer/murder junkie, and there's a buttload of fiction about murder, sure, but not a lot of YA fiction (actually, fiction in general) where the main character is forced to come at it from more of a complex angle than just "must kill bad guy." (I can't really say that much about the connection, just trust me, it's something you probably have NOT really seen before.) The romance in the book was fitting and understated, totally fit the tone. No mushy stuff.

I reaaaaaally liked Nina, the main character. I sometimes find MCs in dark YA really irritating—almost like they're fetishizing their own demons, if that makes sense. But I didn't get that here at all—Nina's a self-deprecating, smart, realistic girl with friends and a crush, who just HAPPENS to have had this lifelong, bizarre... yeah, I'll stop there, just read it if you're into the dark thriller stuff. It's fantastic.

If you like JESSICA JONES you'll like this. I might just be saying that because I binge-watched all of it like two days ago, but I think I am right.

Also really nice to see a MC's gay mom in a book that is not necessarily ABOUT a MC's gay mom.

[Kali Wallace]

I had a chance to read an ARC of THE KILLER IN ME and I loved it!

This is a wonderfully creepy, super intense, fast-paced psychological thriller that kept me guessing with its twist and turns. The impact of what Nina is going through--seeing a serial killer's actions every night when she dreams--is visceral and emotional, and her determination to do something about it had me cheering for her the whole way (even when I was also yelling OH MY GOD GIRL YOU ARE IN SO MUCH DANGER WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??!?).

I loved the descriptions of the desolate desert landscapes, loved the page-turning pace, loved the emotional and psychological uncertainty hanging over everything like a threat, loved the unrelenting build-up of tension and questions and doubts, all of it leading to a very satisfying ending.

Highly recommended. This will make perfect get-yourself-lost-in-a-book vacation reading when it comes out in summer 2016.

[Kathleen Glasgow]

This is a book in which a review can only discuss style and substance, because to discuss any sort of plot detail will give away most of the book's pleasures, which are many. Harrison has written a taut (and even kind of tender) thriller that is noirish in all the best ways. She's got a confident hand when describing the eerie, did-you-really-see-what-you-think-you-just-saw landscape of New Mexico and when plumbing the depths of Nina Barrow's 17-y-o psyche. Nina is unlike any other heroine in YA that you'll read this year (or the next) and Harrison uses her to great effect in a story that asks: who do you really believe? And why? This gem of a mystery is wrapped in a big bloody bow and will keep you guessing page after page. A smashing 2016 debut. (I was lucky enough to receive an ARC of this book.)

[Ashley Blake]

Gah, this book was so, so twisty and creepy. Perfect pacing, distinct voices, this book was a total mind f*ck. I loved every minute and this is definitely one of my favorite thrillers out there.

[Jeff Giles]

This is an extremely addictive thriller about a girl who knows more about a murderer than anyone could ever want to. It reveals its secrets with an aching precision. I loved it.

[Jonah Lisa Dyer]

This book is keep-you-up-at-night disturbing. It is masterfully written & perfectly paced to pull you in, jerk you around for a while, then whip you into a frenzy of page turning to the end. It's dark & quiet, then fast & frightening. Great characterizations. It reminded me of The Lovely Bones with hints of the creeptacular short story called The Yellow Wallpaper. Highly recommend.

[Adriana Mather]

This book was brilliant! It is an engaging thriller about a teenage girl, Nina, who has a window into the life of a young man while dreaming. The problem is that the young man seems to be a serial killer.

Are the murders really happening? Or is Nina losing her mind? When Nina sets of on a trip to stop the killer, what she finds turns her world upside down.

To say that this book is riveting would be an understatement. Harrison's prose is taut at points and lyrical at others. What an exciting read!

[Caleb Roehrig]

THE KILLER IN ME is a dark, satisfying, and twisted thriller, and I loved it from page one. It's Gregg Olsen's RUN meets Eyes Of Laura Mars by way of Barry Lyga's I HUNT KILLERS; a heart-pounding race to an inevitable showdown that will keep you up late late late, because you won't be able to put it down until you finish it. Nina, the protagonist, is a driven and compelling character - a true bad-ass that you have total confidence in...but whose safety you fear for the whole way through - and her actions and choices feel justified and convincing.

More than just being a fast-paced, legit nail-biter, though, THE KILLER IN ME is also beautifully written. Margot Harrison's imagery is rich and evocative throughout, her descriptions sometimes unexpectedly lyrical, and it makes this read truly rewarding. I loved the supernatural twist to this novel, and I loved Harrison's characters, but her style - half hard-boiled and half poetic - was the real icing on this deliciously murderous cake. I cannot wait to recommend this to readers who are looking for good, high-stakes suspense fiction!

[J.C. Davis]

Harrison brings her story to life with vivid settings, memorable characters and a mystery at the heart of the novel that had me guessing the entire way through. I was up ridiculously late reading because I couldn't bear to put the book down.

From the first word to the last, I was enthralled and eager to see where the story would go next. I second-guessed myself so many times! What a wonderfully creepy and fantastic premise and a flawless execution.

[Emily France]

YOU GUYS. After only one chapter of this book, I was checking the locks on my doors. And windows. I was jumping at noises. Harrison masterfully builds tension from the very first word, and the creep factor is off the charts. What a ride! A fantastic thriller full of twists and turns from a wonderful new YA writer. (Reviewed ARC copy)

[Janet McNally]

This is a really masterfully plotted thriller. It's a tense read (which is what you want in a thriller), and has a vivid desert setting and great character development. I love when reading a book feels like traveling because the place comes alive on the page, and while I don't want to vacation anywhere near a murderer, I loved feeling as if I was really immersed in an actual place. Can't say much about the plot without spoilers, but it's a very fresh take on a murder mystery. Nina has a great, crystal-clear voice. I loved the use of POV here. This would be a fantastic summer read.

[Beth]

I beta-read this book last year, and it's great. So creepy, atmospheric and memorable. Margot Harrison is definitely one to watch.

[Sarah Ahiers]

Oh I was so super excited to read this book. I love thrillers and I feel like we don't get enough of them in YA, so I was hooked on the premise alone.

And the book did not disappoint!

Nina has secrets. Secrets of her own, yes, but also the secrets of a man who calls himself The Thief. And who sneaks through the night, looking for victims. And who hides their bodies where no one can find them. No one but Nina, that is.

So she sets out across the country, determined to be the one to catch him. But when she comes face to face with him, her secrets start to unravel, and Nina begins to wonder if maybe The Thief isn't the killer she thought he was.

This book. The mysteries in this book. I couldn't put it down. I just needed to keep turning the pages, trying to figure out what was going on and what was going to happen.

And the characters! I loved everyone so much. Yes, even The Thief. Harrison did such a good job, because I felt as tormented as Nina, not knowing what the best way out was. And when she finds her way out, the ending is wonderfully satisfying.

I was lucky enough to read an ARC in return for a fair review.

[Karen Fortunati]

The Killer in Me is one of the most gripping and suspenseful books I have ever read. It's a paranormal-centered mystery - with a vibe similar to a Stephen King novel/The Girl on the Train. Without giving away any spoilers, the potential killer is a mind-boggling twist that kept me racing through the pages. Harrison has created a tight, credible, and fast-paced plot with realistic dialogue and relationships. The characters shine and how she builds empathy for the cold-blooded psychopath is astounding and brilliant. Another area Harrison excels is placing the reader in the New Mexico desert - it's as much a character as any other in this book. The descriptions are gorgeous and of course, made me want to go there to see the light and landscape for myself. But probably my favorite part is that Harrison give us an intelligent MC in Nina. Nina is far from stupid or impulsive - she has thought out almost every possible scenario and we understand the choices both Nina and Warren make as they get closer to the truth.

This is without a doubt a NOT TO BE MISSED debut! Bold, gripping and completely engrossing!

[Nicole]

I had the good fortune of getting to read an early draft of this book, and it is fabulous. It has a wonderfully dark, atmospheric tone, a cracking-fast plot, and a twisty storyline that will keep you guessing until the very end. Nina isn't your typical YA heroine -- she has a gritty, dark side to her, a fascinating secret she's hiding, and a grim determination to find the killer and stop him, no matter the cost. Add to that one of the creepiest, well-layered villains I've read, plus some scintillating chemistry between Nina and a certain love interest, plus a desert setting that's so vivid it's almost like a character. It had me thinking for days after I finished it. Highly, highly recommended.

[Kristy Acevedo]

I finished reading the ARC on Halloween. Dark and wonderfully disturbing.


(I did not receive any compensation for this review.)

[Amy Allgeyer]

Brilliantly, deliciously creepy. The Killer in Me is a can't-put-it-down thriller that's sure to keep you reading deep into the night...with the lights on.

[Maja (The Nocturnal Library)]

2.5 stars
With the rising popularity of YA mysteries/thrillers and the never-ending demands for a creepy and suspenseful read, The Killer in Me was pretty much guaranteed to succeed before it was even finished. The few early reviews that could be found had nothing but praise for Harrison’s debut, emphasizing mind-boggling twists and a very creepy atmosphere. A reliable publisher and a truly fantastic cover only added to the conviction that we hold a future bestseller in our hands, a book destined to be loved by many, regardless of their age.

The truth, for this reader, is vastly different. There is no doubt whatsoever that Margot Harrison had a fantastic idea, but unfortunately, the execution was lacking. Starting with the characters and ending with confusingly written scenes, The Killer in Me hides far too many disappointments and offers too few concrete answers.

There are several good things that can be pointed out about this book, the first and foremost being the original and unusual premise. Anything at all could be considered a spoiler in this case, so it’s best to just stick to generalities. Harrison found a fairly original approach to serial killers, something we haven’t seen before, at least not in YA. The opening chapters are purposely confusing and very promising, giving us the impression that the rest will be just as exciting. The author is also very talented when it comes to writing dialogues. All interactions between characters seem natural and unforced, or at least as much as they can, considering the tense circumstances.

The characters themselves, however, are still mostly unclear to me. Neither Nina nor Warren ever felt fully developed. I can’t really discuss my issues without giving away spoilers, nor can I mention the things that bothered me the most, but suffice it to say that Harrison’s characterization could have been better. The three main characters had such unexplored potential, things that could have been used to turn this into a truly memorable book, but the author chose to merely scratch the surface and to focus instead on plot twists that matter less the second we stop caring for the protagonists.

As for these plot twists everyone seems to be raving about, they truly are virtually impossible to predict. If there’s one thing I loved about this book, it’s that it managed to surprise me. However, the most important chapters were the most confusing, and the actual events are still a bit foggy for me. When dreams and reality intersect, it must be very clear where one ends and the other begins lest we end up with incomprehensible Inception moments that remain unclear until the very end.

It bears repeating that I seem to be very alone in my opinion, so please take it with a grain of salt. Read a sample at least, try to see if this book is something that might work for you. And if you do read it, please come back to discuss. I look forward to it.

[Katie]

THE KILLER IN ME is a finely written, creepy psychological thriller with exceptional characterization. I got a crick in my neck from looking over my shoulder and had to turn on every light in the house. I also kept poking the dog to get him to bark (to keep bad guys away). Essentially, Margot Harrison needs to send me to a chiropractor, chip in on my electric bill, and apologize to my dog.

This was one of the best thrillers I've read in a long time, and will appeal to adult readers as much as to teens. I plan to send copies to everyone I think can afford the electric bill.

[Selene Colburn]

This was SO creepy and unputdownable. It's a tribute to Margot Harrison's talent that I cared as much about the lead characters as the satisfying twists and turns in the plot. Definitely one to watch, preferably with one eye open at all times.

[Allison]

A wonderfully original YA mystery-thriller! (with a bit of an otherworldly edge to it)

The overall atmosphere was one of genuine and delightful creepiness. I was pleasantly surprised that the story was told in alternating viewpoints (I wish there had been a few Dylan chapters). That really kept me guessing and ratcheted up the sense of unreliability and confusion. Loved Nina, loved Warren, and adored all the twists and turns. Kept me guessing until the very end!

[Stacee]

This book sounded like everything I could have ever wanted and yet, I was so disappointed.

I liked Nina well enough. She's got this weird thing happening and she tries so hard to do right by it. For most of the scenes, she fell flat. Perhaps that was all a way of showing how exhausted she was and if that's what it was, kudos for it being super effective. I did like Warren and the history he and Nina had. I liked that he was so loyal to her and willing to help in whatever way he could.

The plot was much slower than I was expecting. There were some things I didn't see coming and the explanation for what was happening was intriguing, but I just had a feeling of meh the entire time. If I would have stopped reading at any point, I wouldn't have been compelled to know the ending.

Overall, it was a clever idea, but for me, it lacked the spark that would have captivated me. From the reviews that are already up, I'm clearly in the minority.

**Huge thanks to Hyperion and NetGalley for providing the arc in exchange for an honest review**

[Nina Rossing]

Great thriller! This story is atmospheric and creepy, and it has some chilling scenes that are very quiet and eerie, to great effect. I think the protagonist (Nina!) has realistic reactions to events - she's also an active protagonist who seizes opportunities when she sees them. Overall a splendid book.

[Dr.Mandi Fessler]

This book was incredible! Super unique psychological thriller that I did not want to put down!!!!

[Kirsty-Marie Jones]

Has there ever been a more me book? (Besides The Dead House) Sounds twisted as fuck. I LIKE.

[Kitkat]

I wasn’t sure if I would like it but I like the character development. I love that they took time to reach climax even though it was a little boring. I really liked how everything was explained and I loved the antagonist. He was awesome and sad.

[Emmy Lou Musgrave]

This book was pretty meh for me. I will say that it held my attention, however I didn't like the plot device that was used. I wanted it to be more psychological, but instead it turned more psychical. I also felt that the romance between Nina and Warren was a little unnecessary. It felt kind of thrown in there and didn't really do much to move anything forward; it almost inhibited the plot in my opinion.

It was a quick read and it had its moments. I think I'm too used to adult mysteries/thrillers and a young adult one just didn't cut it for me.

[Charlie N.]

Absolutely not. I’m done. Wayyyy too disturbing, and I just don’t like any of the characters🤷‍♀️

[megan]

Sociopaths do feel. That's something I've learned. And that it doesn't matter.

Actual rating: 3 1/2

I'm so torn on my feelings on this book. I really enjoyed it because I found it unique, atmospheric, and intriguing. Let's just start there.

This book is unlike anything I've ever read before. It has this science fiction aspect to it that isn't really recognized in the genres on Goodreads for this book. Here me out: Nina has been dreaming about a serial killer ever since she can remember. It's more than dreaming though. She can see, hear, smell, and feel anything that the Thief - as he calls himself - is experiencing. Because of this, she has basically been there for all of his killings. When he kills two elderly people, Nina has had enough. She decides to drive the whole way to New Mexico to put an end to the Thief's rampage. As you can see this book has some science fiction-y aspects because seeing through someone else's eyes as you sleep isn't exactly realistic...

The cover of this book is pretty spot on, so I give props for that. I've never read a book set in the desert of New Mexico (from what I can recall). The way that Harrison describes the setting really helped me put myself in the story. I'm a more character oriented reader than setting, but this is one of those books that the setting topped the characters.

The story kept me intrigued. There were definitely times when I felt that it dragged and could have been a little more suspenseful, but for the most part I was invested in the story. Especially towards the end. Once I hit the last sixty or so pages of this book, I couldn't put it down. I had to know what happened, which is less than I can say for some "thrillers."

I also really thought that the fact that Nina had androphobia (the fear of men). I wish there was less romance because I thought that Nina's quick character development wasn't realistic. Buuut I did really like that addition to the book. Plus, she had a good reason to. Imagine seeing a man kill people in your sleep, not knowing who that man is or where he could be in the world.

Now on to the let downs.

I frequently had to go back and reread things because I would just be lost. There were so many character names, some that didn't even matter/affect the novel at all. Sometimes the setting would get brushed over, leaving me scrambling to find an explanation to where the scene was set. Also there were sentences/descriptions that didn't make sense or just felt weird. I can ignore a couple of those because you never know what an author was trying to get across, but there were so many in this book that it was glaringly obvious I had to point it out in my review.

Neither of the two main characters really stole my heart. They weren't annoying or unlikable, they just weren't special enough to be memorable. I liked how Nina went after the Thief even though she knew what he was capable of. I liked how Warren was always there for her. I didn't love how they broke each other's promises all of the time and lied to one another. Reminded me of Tris and Tobias at times. I also thought that the parents in this were way too lenient. I know if I asked my mother to drive across the country (literally...from Vermont to New Mexico) they would say no. Instead, Nina's mother buys her a car to use. I admired how the author made Nina's mother gay, but I also just felt like it was an attempt to connect to the readers that support that group of people.

So this book is kind of in the middle for me. I want to give it four stars, but there were some things that just felt off with this book. It's impressive for a debut, especially considering its originality and engaging writing style. I'll definitely consider reading Harrison's future books because this one was just shy of being a book I really enjoyed.