Recalling her life, the author takes us deep into the inter-generational ritualistic abuse and mind control programming that led to her being sent overseas on an impossible mission.
She repressed the memories of her past until a family tragedy forced her to face what her life had been. A history of abuse, torture, and threats to maintain her silence or be killed, could no longer be denied.
This is the story of facing the truth and risking the consequences of breaking the silence. The author learns to accept the effects of the trauma that echo through her daily life as PTSD.
Through years of self-exploration she learns to live her life fearlessly, with eyes wide open. Ultimately this book is about resilience; hope for victims who have suffered trauma and for the people who support them.
Alexis Rose began her remarkable healing journey in 2009. Sparked by a family tragedy she began to piece together, for the first time, a personal history of abuse and trauma. Supported by her spirituality and writing, as well as family and friends, she has profoundly grown and changed over the years.
While learning to live with the effects of her trauma, and working with the deficits caused by PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), she has co-authored three inspirational books. Her memoir, Untangled, speaks to the courage, resilience, and triumph over her unimaginable hardship. Her newest book, If I Could Tell You How It Feels is a series of essays and poems about living authentically with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Alexis is an experienced speaker on the topics of living with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. She is also an active blogger who writes about PTSD, Mental Health, and Trauma, with a bit of poetry sprinkled in along the way.
This is hands down the hardest memoir I've ever read. The life that Alexis Rose survived is so completely unfathomable. It's hard to even imagine, let alone begin to comprehend, the pain both physical and psychological that she was forced to endure. To be put through such trauma by the hand of those who should have loved, shielded, and protected her, is utterly heart wrenching. Parent's should nurture, love and support their children. What Alexis' parents did was so completely opposite of that. It is, in my opinion, practically impossible to even put into words how horrible the things are that Alexis was subjected to. This book shattered my heart into a million pieces. Despite it being such a short easy read, it took me a few days to get through because I had to put it down quite a few times to process. And to cry. I had to take breaks to hug my kids and to stare blankly at the wall for minutes at a time, just to make any sort of failed attempt to understand how people out there can be so cruel and twisted. Not only was Alexis abused by her parents, but they willingly passed her over to others to abuse her in ways that are arguably worse than most people could even come up with in their worst nightmares. Heart wrenching!
Luckily, Alexis' story isn't only one of such unfathomable abuse. It's an inspiring tale of resilience and a deep rooted strength. Alexis is by far the most admirable woman who's story I've read. Not only do I recommended this book (and have), but I feel like it's quite possibly a necessity to anyone who may be taking their own lives for granted. I know for a fact that I will never look at my own troubles the same. I'm actually grateful for them, and all their minuscule quirks. I'm grateful to have a life full of love, and I'm positive that I will hold my children closer for as long as I'm alive to do so. Thank you Alexis, for sharing your life's story. Thank you for your example of how a human can have such a wholesome and compassionate heart despite everything you've been through. And most importantly thank you for giving me such a live changing prospective on the value of the life of my loved ones!
In Untangled: A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph, Alexis Rose offers raw, forthright descriptions of the repeated abuse she experienced in childhood and into adulthood. I would caution anyone who has experienced abuse themselves to carefully evaluate whether they are far enough along in their own healing to feel safe while reading this kind of account; I would suggest a better place to start might be Alexis’s other book, If I Could Tell You How It Feels, which focuses more on the healing process. Aside from this caveat, this is a powerful, eye-opening book. It is truly remarkable that Alexis has been brave enough to share her story, and is able to tell it so clearly, in a manner that is calm yet still captures the emotional devastation at the time. She very effectively describes the hell of not only living through traumatic events, but struggling with the lasting trauma reactions afterwards. She also touches on many questions that those unfamiliar with trauma might wonder about, including trauma bonding with an abuser, continuing to follow instructions drilled in by the abusers, and maintaining silence.
The sexual, physical, psychological, and ritualistic abuse began at an early age at the hands of her parents and others. As she was being abused, she would imagine seeing the house next door on fire through her window; she eloquently described how this helped her to find a “golden thread of survival. That thread kept the pieces of my shattered soul together, and gave me the strength I needed to wake up and face another day.” Messages to remain silent were frequently drilled into her, and as she grew older, various techniques were used to keep her under tight psychological control.
Alexis describes a horrific pair of trips to the Middle East, where her mother moved after her father died. She explained the bizarre trauma bond she developed with a man she was forced to live with who exerted complete control over her and frequently spoke down to her as if she were garbage. She was informed that she was to serve as “a killer and a whore,” or else she herself would be killed. She observes that by that point, “any shred of my psychological health had been obliterated.” She ended up being tortured and beaten, and she describes the ways in which she dissociated as her mind tried to protect itself.
When she was finally allowed to return home, she began the processing of repressing the memories of what had happened to her. Without other skills available, she relied on this strategy of repression continued for as long as she could manage. Her abusers continued to make themselves known periodically, through phone calls, mail, and in person, and she was subjected to ongoing psychological abuse from her mother.
She began to have flashbacks, although she lacked the knowledge to understand that’s what they were. She writes that she had “no idea that the level of abuse I survived as a child was worth talking about or bothering with.” At one point she stopped therapy because she was unable to move past the brainwashed messages that she must remain silent. She adopted a pattern of trying to “push feelings aside and keep moving”, as this was the only way she knew to keep going. She made the interesting distinction that “it wasn’t that I was living in the moment; I was just continually on the move.”
Things came crashing down after her daughter was hit by a car while crossing the street. Alexis writes about the extremely intense flashback triggered by the call she received from the police, and finally realized that “my mental health was hanging by a very thin thread that was about to break”. At that point she started seeing the psychologist who became “my healer, my teacher, and the one I would call my Sherpa, who truly started me on my journey. Walking into his office that day I began six years of a difficult and treacherous trek up the highest of mountain peaks, but that was also the day I began to claim my life and start to live, not just survive.” She finally got to a point where she could begin “forgetting how to forget”.
Despite the horrific things that have happened to her, she has been able to leave behind those who have abused her and move forward with healing. She has been able to draw on resilience and an ability to thrive, and has reached a place where she can be optimistic and thrive. Alexis writes: “I’ve untangled myself. My courage has set me free, and now nothing can keep me tied to the past. I can truly live today with blinders off and eyes wide open.” This is a truly inspiring book that tells an amazing story of survival through adversity.
A heart-wrenching story of years of abuse of mind, body and soul. I didn't want to put the book down but at the same time I needed to step away while reading some of the first chapters in order to absorb what the author was experiencing. The will to live and the courage it took to keep going on to face her past and become whole again was profound. I was also humbled by the descriptions of what it is like to live with PTSD using everyday experiences that most of us don't think twice about but can be insurmountable for someone dealing with PTSD. Thank you, Alexis, for sharing your story of "resilience, courage, and triumph". It truly was.
Untangled is a heartbreaking yet fascinating read. The narrative has a paradoxical quality. While Alexis Rose tells her story chronologically, taking the reader from early ritual abuse to later more nefarious victimization and finally to a self possessed adulthood, the story emerges through the her retrospective self-enlightenment. Rose is a natural story teller and has a command over language. The book was honest and intimate. The type of abuse Rose survived is rarely discussed. She sheds light on victimization involving the body and the mind. The mind control and programming imposed on her t left an unsettled impression. The dark sub-societies responsible for her abuse at first seemed confined to her parents’ circle of religious affiliates some of which were high standing community members. Things turn as she approaches adolescence. Her life becomes an uncertain existence, one minute hanging out with school friends and the next sent alone on a flight to face mind control and prostitution. As a young adult, the web of deceit and moral malignancy spans across the United States and later into other countries. Rose is careful in her presentation of these traumatic recollections. Instead of detailed descriptions of abuse and exploitation, she is an enlightened tour guide leading us back into her past traumas. Despite the severity of abuse, Untangled was highly readable and up lifting. Rose only grazes the accounts of abuse, yet maintains a suspenseful accounting of her psychological states throughout her trauma. Rose’s strength is the backbone of the story and carries us through terrifying terrain.
The story is both captivating and sincere. The author repeatedly turned to the epicenter of this destruction—her own mother—for safety. Most heartbreaking of all was Rose’s mother’s toxic narcissism and inability to feel compassion for her children. It’s hard to imagine one’s mother as orchestrator of such horrific trauma, yet repeatedly her mother set her up, negotiating and facilitating the conditions of her daughter’s abuse.
Rose finds a way out of the abuse but the effects of complex post traumatic stress disorder are enduring. The second half of the book describes the many influences trauma exerts on her adult life. While her resilience persisted and she found a loving partner and went on to have two children, her suppression of the traumatic events both haunt and threaten her psychologically. Juggling many roles Rose parlays her strength and ability to deny and repress her emotions. Despite her efforts, life becomes increasingly difficult to manage during her children’s teenage years when near tragedy strikes. Towards the end of the book Rose shares her healing through work with an acupuncturist and a trauma therapist.
Untangled is a fascinating case study of complex post traumatic stress disorder. It is also a portrait of personal fortitude and resilience. Alexis Rose is a highly likable narrator. Despite her complicated and painful early experiences she is admirable and relatable.
Be warned...You will not be able to put this book down! I read it one sitting. There were so many times that I wanted to put it down because it was so heartbreaking...How can someone go through such horrible abuse, PTSD, family tragedy, illness and rise above it? The manner in which the author recounted her life evoked such emotion in me that I had to remind myself that this was a work of non-fiction. I would definitely recommend this as a book to put on your TBR list!
This is not an easy book to read. It has a trigger warning, with reason, due to multiple abuses the author endured while growing up.
While the descriptions of the abuse are not vivid, second by second recaps, they are described well enough to affect the reader. The tone is dissociated - a very common survival and coping technique for PTSD survivors that is absolutely appropriate in this context. It's the same tone often seen in interviews with soldiers describing chilling events with utter clarity, emotionless.
The author was raised in a highly abusive family, forced to engage in ritualistic abuse beginning as a young child. Not only in the home, she's taken elsewhere and dropped off by her parents with full knowledge of what's being done to her. She's later taken across the world to continue the abuse and "training" to be a part of the sadistic group that her parents are a part of, threats whispered in her ear to keep her silent or she will be killed.
Given these circumstances, this is an incredibly brave book to write. While she doesn't give full names that would out her abusers, she's breaking years of training during her formative years to tell her story. It's also putting herself out there for critics on both her writing style and those who can't believe such horrors can exist.
The book details some of the abuse she endured, and how it affected her life and relationships afterwards. It's difficult to learn what "normal" is and adjust to it, often needing assistance well beyond a friend's shoulder to cry on. There's still such a stigma to getting professional help, I'm glad the author did so to reclaim her life. I wish peace to her and her loved ones.
I couldn't finish it and it is very rare that I don't finish books especially memoirs. This woman is twisted with an incredible imagination. Hated by her hard nose immigrant parents? Believable. Raped nearly day of her childhood? Believable. Her father being a member of a Satanic organization that ritually sacrificed goats around a fire before sexually abusing and even murdering little girls? Straight out of long disproven anti-cult mass hysteria! Being flown to some unnamed facility in the middle of nowhere to have her mind screwed with and gang raped yet again by alleged government officials who know about and approve of the Satanic cult abuse? If you believe that, I've got some swampland in Florida I want to sell you! The author would like us to think she was a part of the MK Ultra mind control craze, hence all of the death threats and secret missions, but any sensible person will realize that such claims are little more than an attention seeking ploy to increase book sales.
I don't doubt that Ms. Rose suffered from damaging abuse as a child. I have read more than my fair share of stories about abuse at the hands of demented individuals who were seriously sick monsters in human form. The problem is she lost all credibility with the cult ritual and top secret CIA nonsense.
This book needs to have about a thousand trigger warnings on the cover. It took me a while to read it because I had to put it down. I was in a state of disbelief that parents could do this much physical, psychological, emotional and just about every-single-kind-of-abuse-you-can-think-of to a child. Despite all of this, Alexis gives the reader hope that yes, even though she (and maybe you) has been through a lot of trauma, there is a light and strength at the end of it all.
“At a very early age I’d learned to disconnect from myself and either watch what was happening to me from afar, or try to project the pain outside my body. When I was abused at night, I would find a window in the bedroom and imagine the house next door on fire. I saw the flames shooting up the sides of the house in vivid orange and red; the heat and the spiky flames consuming the house. I found a way to externalize and dissociate from the pain and humiliation” (11).
A great read for people who have suffered through trauma in their lives.
I’ve had this book in my cart for almost two years now. As a fellow survivor of trauma I wanted to read it so badly, yet knew I needed to be in a strong place to do so.
The day finally came today, and I was absolutely blown away by what the author had to say. As a reader, the beginning chapters are sometimes difficult to follow. As a fellow survivor I understand exactly why they are written in a choppy somewhat difficult to follow format. They describe not only the events that took place in the author’s life, but also how it feels inside a mind fractured by traumatic experience.
I applaud this author for having the courage to publish her story after the horrific situations she endured. It is a haunting, yet beautiful story that desperately needed to be told. I highly recommend it!
What amazed most is the fact that the author (Alexis Rose) got dealt such a bad hand but still managed to be a caring beautiful person. Evil doesnt even surprise me anymore but someone being able to hold on to their humanity and understand the evil around them is more than anyone should have to go through, but she has and I take my hat off to her and feel her anguish reading her book.
I started reading this last year after I was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder. I may not have the same experiences but I could relate to many things, feelings, fear. I just finished the book today and have one caveat is that it could trigger. Raw emotion and beauty of the strength to survive everything is inspiring.
Though our stories are very different in many ways, they are the same in many others. For this reason, I found it easy to relate to Alexis' story, and hard to put the book down. She has my utmost respect for speaking truth and continuing the difficult process of healing.
I could not put this book down. The abuse this girl suffered was horrible. These parents were so cruel. It really makes me wonder what were these people really involved in.
Untangled takes us into a world few of us can imagine. Much of what occurs in the authors life occurs right under our noses, in the Midwest where family life should be some kind of middle-class dream. But for Alexis, abuse is the norm and her mother is practically oblivious to her daughter's existence but for her own purposes. This way of living permeates the author to her core and becomes the only kind of love she understands. Scenes that take place in the Middle East are vividly described in flashback mode like bullets ricocheting off concrete. Recommended highly for survivors of disfunction and those who like a compelling true story.
Why I keep saying memoirs are my favourite genre is because of books like Untangled by Alexis Rose :) Its not a usual nostalgic, happy memoir rather its story of resilience, courage and triumph :) After reading you story the first thing I did was I thanked GOD for bestowing me with such loving parents :) And now I know what we face in life are just challenges its you who is true survivor :) And I must say you are hell of a woman :) and your love life sets an example that westerners too have successful marriage :) I am glad that I came across your blog and connected with you :) I wish you healthy recovery and I know you will reach the pinnacle of your mountain trek :)
Alexis Rose lived a life no child should have to experience. The title says it all - a courageous and resilient child and woman. No spoilers. Just a recommendation. I wish i could have given her memoir a ten-star review.
I met Alexis through Wordpress and am blessed to "know" her.