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A Theory of Objectivist Parenting
Human beings can relate to one another with either mutual respect and freedom or mutual attempts to control and force. Objectivists idealize the former; most of America practices the latter. Though Objectivists are fundamentally against relating to their fellow human beings with various methods of control (bribery, threats, manipulation, slavery), many do not hesitate to relate in that way to the young human beings we temporarily refer to as children. In this short book, Ross examines the contradiction and proposes a theory of Objectivist parenting.
78 pages, Paperback
First published January 6, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
February 18, 2019
I'll start with a disclaimer. I probably should never have read this book. I don't believe I'm part of the intended audience. Somehow it wound up on my reading list because of a detour my wife took while reading about respectful parenting.
Why am I not part of the intended audience? Because I'm not an Objectivist, so I guess you could say the author and I got off to a bad start. To be fair to her, if you are an Objectivist, then you might find some value in what she has to say. Just to clarify for anyone else who might be confused, this book is meant to be a guide to how to parent, if you've adopted that political philosophy.
Having said all that, I think that politics is a pretty terrible departure point for any theories on parenting. It honestly had never occurred to me that I should look at how I should raise my child based on my political persuasions, let alone semi-obscure political persuasions championed by Ayn Rand, extreme libertarians and the far right.
At any rate, I don't want to get into assessing the political stance behind this book. After all, my goal was to learn something about child-rearing, not to have a political debate. Even if you do subscribe to the Objectivist perspective, I still think there's plenty to object to here...
For starters, all the referencing here is to other Objectivist writers, particularly Ayn Rand. I don't know if it's intended to masquerade as evidence or support for the arguments but it certainly isn't that. What should be cited is support for the assertions from objective (see what I did there) information, data or outcomes. The author is mostly regurgitating ideas, not offering new ones or supporting the ones she mentioned in any meaningful way.
Secondly, the rant about behaviourism is rather bizarre. We are not either rational beings or conditioned animals. We are both! The human brain is a complex organ, and we have capacity both for higher order thinking and for conditioned behaviour. Both of these aspects of our minds and behaviour need to be nurtured as we grow up.
Finally, many of her recommendations just fly in the face of good data that is out there. I would point interested readers to Brain Rules for Baby , where John Medina discusses both how to make a child happy and how to make a child ethical, citing actual data and outcomes, rather than just someone else's assertions. A big component of this is setting rules and boundaries, rewarding and punishing. Are there better ways to do this than others? Of course, but to suggest that parents shouldn't do any of this at all is pretty ridiculous. Ironically, the authors of Objectivism probably had upbringings that included rules, boundaries and conditioning, yet somehow they still managed to conceive of their philosophy.
As it's probably clear by now, I would recommend against reading this book, to pretty much anyone. Even people who support this philosophy would probably be better served to keep their political and developmental reading separate.
Why am I not part of the intended audience? Because I'm not an Objectivist, so I guess you could say the author and I got off to a bad start. To be fair to her, if you are an Objectivist, then you might find some value in what she has to say. Just to clarify for anyone else who might be confused, this book is meant to be a guide to how to parent, if you've adopted that political philosophy.
Having said all that, I think that politics is a pretty terrible departure point for any theories on parenting. It honestly had never occurred to me that I should look at how I should raise my child based on my political persuasions, let alone semi-obscure political persuasions championed by Ayn Rand, extreme libertarians and the far right.
At any rate, I don't want to get into assessing the political stance behind this book. After all, my goal was to learn something about child-rearing, not to have a political debate. Even if you do subscribe to the Objectivist perspective, I still think there's plenty to object to here...
For starters, all the referencing here is to other Objectivist writers, particularly Ayn Rand. I don't know if it's intended to masquerade as evidence or support for the arguments but it certainly isn't that. What should be cited is support for the assertions from objective (see what I did there) information, data or outcomes. The author is mostly regurgitating ideas, not offering new ones or supporting the ones she mentioned in any meaningful way.
Secondly, the rant about behaviourism is rather bizarre. We are not either rational beings or conditioned animals. We are both! The human brain is a complex organ, and we have capacity both for higher order thinking and for conditioned behaviour. Both of these aspects of our minds and behaviour need to be nurtured as we grow up.
Finally, many of her recommendations just fly in the face of good data that is out there. I would point interested readers to Brain Rules for Baby , where John Medina discusses both how to make a child happy and how to make a child ethical, citing actual data and outcomes, rather than just someone else's assertions. A big component of this is setting rules and boundaries, rewarding and punishing. Are there better ways to do this than others? Of course, but to suggest that parents shouldn't do any of this at all is pretty ridiculous. Ironically, the authors of Objectivism probably had upbringings that included rules, boundaries and conditioning, yet somehow they still managed to conceive of their philosophy.
As it's probably clear by now, I would recommend against reading this book, to pretty much anyone. Even people who support this philosophy would probably be better served to keep their political and developmental reading separate.
July 14, 2023
I found this book lacking in true demonstrations of Objectivist parenting but to be fair the author acknowledges this and provides an excellent resource list for readers to dive into afterwards. I truly had no idea the definition of Objectivist parenting and this book helped to clear it up. Truly, my biggest takeaway is that of “we teach what we are” to our children.
July 9, 2018
I'm a pretty philosophical person, but even I struggled to keep up with Ross from time to time. Regardless, I found this short work to be decisive and incriminating.
The foundation for all wholesome society is the success nuclear family, likewise, the foundation for all uncivilized society is the failure of the nuclear family.
Ross lays down succinctly what is wrong with Behaviorism (the dominant parenting style in the West today). She then builds up a simple, effective alternative in Objectivist parenting style. The short and sweet of it is in two parts:
a.) to engage with both your and your children's emotions as valuable and to not shy away from them, distract ourselves from them, etc.
b.) to treat both you and your children as wholly human, individuals with the same rights as we have, and as "visiting dignitaries, who have strange customs and who are trying to adapt to our seemingly strange customs".
Kids are people, not cattle or property. Treat them that way!
The foundation for all wholesome society is the success nuclear family, likewise, the foundation for all uncivilized society is the failure of the nuclear family.
Ross lays down succinctly what is wrong with Behaviorism (the dominant parenting style in the West today). She then builds up a simple, effective alternative in Objectivist parenting style. The short and sweet of it is in two parts:
a.) to engage with both your and your children's emotions as valuable and to not shy away from them, distract ourselves from them, etc.
b.) to treat both you and your children as wholly human, individuals with the same rights as we have, and as "visiting dignitaries, who have strange customs and who are trying to adapt to our seemingly strange customs".
Kids are people, not cattle or property. Treat them that way!
July 7, 2023
This book is a brief (less than 70 pages) introduction to the concept, then she encourages you to delve deeper with a list of recommended references. In the first half I felt slightly skeptical, or that it was a little much, but in the second half it made a lot of sense when put into concrete examples. I think this is a good book to glean from, take what you want and leave what you don’t, it’s not all or nothing.
March 24, 2019
A great little introduction to respectful parenting. Very short, but includes a bibliography of further material.
March 31, 2021
A great starter for parenting. Much focus on the criticism of behaviorism and today's ways of parenting, and maybe a tad too little focus on an actual theory of objectivist parenting, but overall both thoughtful and informative. It could have been longer and given more examples, but I guess that is for parents to explore as they now have some ground ideas. I wish Roslyn Ross could write an even more comprehensive book about this topic.
July 1, 2020
I saw a few interviews with Roslyn Ross recently and decided to order her book. I just finished it and am happy I bought it.
I must say, that the interviews more or less covered the content of this book - nearly word for word to a large degree. But, I think this is a very valuable theory of how to raise children who will become the future adults we need, so it was worth it to pay the author for her time to create this book - and to pay her a small tribute for the fact that she believes what she has produced and is more concerned with trying to help get people on the right track in raising truly free humans vs just giving out a bunch of teasers in the interviews to help sell her book.
I have been studying Objectivism for over a decade and think she hit it on the head with this approach. Some of this we did with our kids - some of what we did still fit within the control paradigm - and her book made that clear. As she says - it is instilled into us to use control and behaviorism - but after studying Objectivism for years and now seeing/hearing this - it is so much clearer as to what some of the "control" pitfalls are to watch out for - and to correct.
This is a must read for any parents to be, new parents, parents with adult children, or for any person that deals with any other people. It is never too late to change for the better and to create better relationships with each other.
My only suggestions would have been to make this a longer book with more context through more real life examples - especially in the area of giving ideas on "what not to do" and "how to do it" with your kids. She covered feeding and teething and such with a few short samples - but there could be SO MUCH MORE - especially as her own child(ren) were old enough then (and definitely now - second edition - hint ... hint :) ) that this would have made this book more practicable and to give people a little more footing on seeing things that are controls verses objective, respectful, relationship building when trying to change their own erroneous training to date.
I must say, that the interviews more or less covered the content of this book - nearly word for word to a large degree. But, I think this is a very valuable theory of how to raise children who will become the future adults we need, so it was worth it to pay the author for her time to create this book - and to pay her a small tribute for the fact that she believes what she has produced and is more concerned with trying to help get people on the right track in raising truly free humans vs just giving out a bunch of teasers in the interviews to help sell her book.
I have been studying Objectivism for over a decade and think she hit it on the head with this approach. Some of this we did with our kids - some of what we did still fit within the control paradigm - and her book made that clear. As she says - it is instilled into us to use control and behaviorism - but after studying Objectivism for years and now seeing/hearing this - it is so much clearer as to what some of the "control" pitfalls are to watch out for - and to correct.
This is a must read for any parents to be, new parents, parents with adult children, or for any person that deals with any other people. It is never too late to change for the better and to create better relationships with each other.
My only suggestions would have been to make this a longer book with more context through more real life examples - especially in the area of giving ideas on "what not to do" and "how to do it" with your kids. She covered feeding and teething and such with a few short samples - but there could be SO MUCH MORE - especially as her own child(ren) were old enough then (and definitely now - second edition - hint ... hint :) ) that this would have made this book more practicable and to give people a little more footing on seeing things that are controls verses objective, respectful, relationship building when trying to change their own erroneous training to date.
March 23, 2022
Objectivist and respective parenting is something that my wife and I are entering into from behaviorist parenting. I think overall, this was a good thought-provoking little book. It's very contrary to the current American parental landscape and I'm sure will trigger many American parents.
This book is, however, not without fault. The primary problem I have with this book is that the author seems to make the assumption that her readers will know who Ayn Rand, Nathaniel Branden, or even Maria Montessori are. The opening of the book makes the assumption right out of the gate that the readers know what Galt's Gulch was, or who Ayn Rand is. I had to pause and do my own research to then return back to the book to continue to read.
Most people in this realm, considering objectivist parenting, will likely know Maria Montessori and be familiar at least with the curriculum name-sake. However, neither my wife nor I knew who any of the frequently cited individuals were (Rand, Branden).
The other thought that comes to mind is, why these people, and on what authority are they the champions of the true and perfect form of parenting?
I think it would do the author (and future readers) well to publish a second edition that adds some introduction to Rand, Branden, and Montessori, as it can provide a great foundation to understand why these particular individuals merit the readers attention and respect.
The book is one I'll recommend, especially for busy parents who may not have much time. I read this in a few short hours, and was able to take plenty of notes and reflect on my own shortcomings.
This book is, however, not without fault. The primary problem I have with this book is that the author seems to make the assumption that her readers will know who Ayn Rand, Nathaniel Branden, or even Maria Montessori are. The opening of the book makes the assumption right out of the gate that the readers know what Galt's Gulch was, or who Ayn Rand is. I had to pause and do my own research to then return back to the book to continue to read.
Most people in this realm, considering objectivist parenting, will likely know Maria Montessori and be familiar at least with the curriculum name-sake. However, neither my wife nor I knew who any of the frequently cited individuals were (Rand, Branden).
The other thought that comes to mind is, why these people, and on what authority are they the champions of the true and perfect form of parenting?
I think it would do the author (and future readers) well to publish a second edition that adds some introduction to Rand, Branden, and Montessori, as it can provide a great foundation to understand why these particular individuals merit the readers attention and respect.
The book is one I'll recommend, especially for busy parents who may not have much time. I read this in a few short hours, and was able to take plenty of notes and reflect on my own shortcomings.
January 1, 2022
I read this book in under an hour—it’s incredibly short but makes so much sense, and is probably the best introduction I’ve come across on objectivist (or, as some people call it, respectful) parenting. It’s not exactly a handbook or guide, but rather a compilation of reasons why this unconventional approach to parenting is the best way to raise intrinsically motivated kids. In only 60-something pages, it managed to change my whole outlook on what it means to be a good mom! The secret? Stop trying to control your children and start treating them with respect. (Easier said than done, sure, but there’s no harm in trying!)
August 28, 2020
I cannot recommend this book enough. A must for all parents, and everyone else. Even if you dont have kids, this book will help you understand your own childhood, and everything about how our society is built and works. Its philosophical more than practical, so if you're looking for practical tips on respectful parenting I'd reccomend Janet Lansbury. However this is a really important foundation for anything practical.
Super short, more of a long essay than a book, I read it the first time in an afternoon, and many times since.
Super short, more of a long essay than a book, I read it the first time in an afternoon, and many times since.
February 17, 2022
Wow! That’s about all I can come up with after reading this book. A quick read that will have you processing for far longer than it took to read. Ross taught me so much about myself as both a child and an adult, as well as how to become a better parent. I will be coming back to this one over and over!
September 13, 2023
Very good book, but not a lot of concrete examples and very short. I got to the end and was like, “this is it?!” I also wish she’d clarify why Debi and Michael Pearl’s book is in the recommending reading section. The only place the Pearl’s book belongs is in the trash. It does not align with Objectivist Parenting.
November 30, 2023
This book will not only change the way you see parenting but it will change the way you see yourself. Biggest take away, if you want a well-adjusted, happy, kind, respectful child, you must be that type of parent and person to model that behavior. This book is very easy to read with its no-nonsense approach that will inspire you to raise children while being happy to be a parent.
January 1, 2024
This is the best parenting book I have ever read! I wish so badly that I had read this book and done some healing work and therapy before I had kids. I highly recommend reading this before you decide to have children or while you are pregnant. This book could change the course of your family history.
Mellow Mama on YouTube and Instagram recommended this book and I’m forever grateful.
Mellow Mama on YouTube and Instagram recommended this book and I’m forever grateful.
July 16, 2019
Stellar book that with ideas that are simply and clearly communicated. I was so influenced by this book that I went on to read Roslyn's blog (which I'm still in the process of reading) and I have purchased books on her recommended reading list/bibliography.
October 16, 2020
I think it straightforward to read. Does a good job explaining behaviorism. I didn’t feel like much detail was given to examples of alternatives to behaviorism. I did appreciate the recommendation to read Allie Kohn’s work though so I do think it was a good starting point.
January 31, 2018
Short but sweet with an interesting, humane approach to parenting. The book gave a great list of resources and follow up books at the end.
August 19, 2018
An interesting read with several good points, especially in regard to things like breastfeeding.
November 28, 2020
Love this book. Falls in line with my parenting style.
February 17, 2022
Incredible. Read it, read it, read it.
April 6, 2022
Never highlighted so much in my life
Even as a student of Objectivism, I realized I was not applying thr philosophy to parenting (at all!).
An mind focuser.
Even as a student of Objectivism, I realized I was not applying thr philosophy to parenting (at all!).
An mind focuser.
May 13, 2023
Definitely will be sharing this with others and going through the list of books in the back!
August 31, 2023
This book is 🔥🔥🔥👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
November 25, 2023
This was a chew and spit book for me. Some really good points to chew on but also some things to spit out. Super short and worth the quick read for the parts to chew on though.
February 18, 2025
4.5⭐️
Very interesting, very well thought out and concise thoughts. Clear on behaviorist vs. objectivist parenting with real life examples. Will come back to this one.
Very interesting, very well thought out and concise thoughts. Clear on behaviorist vs. objectivist parenting with real life examples. Will come back to this one.
November 25, 2025
4.5 This essay (too short to be a book) is full of useful parenting nuggets, framed by objectivist philosophy. A quick read. The author’s critique of behaviorism, and intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation is spot on. I’m a skeptic of Rand, but even if pure objectivist (libertarian) philosophy is terrible as a governing tool, it may be useful at the individual level.
March 3, 2015
great stuff, treating kids like people. hard to practice consistantly perhaps, but a worthy goal if we want to change the world.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews