Fighting her way back to sleep after her mother’s latest Alzheimer’s-driven 3:00 a.m. ramble, Jeanne Roth reminds herself: Tomorrow will be here soon, and it’s going to be just like today was, like something out of Lewis Carroll on crystal meth.
M. A. Harper drew pictures all during her childhood and was pretty good at it, but none of them seemed complete without a caption. When she went to Tulane University to study art, her professors praised her technical ability but labeled her an "illustrator". Wrong. She was really a novelist. Her books have been named to the Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers program as well as the BookSense '76 list, and she's the author of the online FAINT GLOW BLOG as well.
The heroine of this novel is a full-time caregiver for her mother, who has Alzheimer's. It was touted as funny, but I couldn't laugh at the story of my worst nightmare. I think caregivers will read this and nod their heads and hopefully appreciate the acknowledgement of their completely desperate situation. The story itself was interesting, just the story of a family and their relationships with each other, spouses and exes. The illness and caregiving were just part of the larger family story. I found myself thinking about the characters all the time, and I wanted more when it was over. I really wanted to know what happened after the end.
I can relate so closely with Jeanne. My mother is a victim of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. I am her caregiver, but unlike Jeanne one of my brothers helps. It is strange how the more you need people the more they desert you. There is no life beyond care-giving. Just the simple act of grocery shopping becomes a mini vacation. My mother is 96 and medically she is in better shape than I, but I intend to care for her as long as possible.
Many stories start out with a setting of a protagonist in a dysfunctional family. This novel reverses the trend. In The Worst Day of My Life, So Far, by M. A. Harper, the core of this family, the mother and father, are completely in love. Neither parent is cheating on the other. If there is any problem at all, hinted at in the beginning of the story, it is that the mother is slavishly devoted to the husband. He is her hobby. But that is OK, mom has his total support as well. So the children shouldn’t really have any problems. Not so.
The novel has 36 chapters. The first 18 chapters are about how the characters got here, the place where the main theme of the work will take precedence over everything else. The development of all characters is presented through the lens of Jeanette, or Jeanne, or Punkin; all of these titles are the main ones used by other characters for Jeanne. The main theme of the book is the travails of a caregiver daughter, Jeanne, for a loved one. Velma, Jeanne’s mother is in a steadily descending spiral towards the end point of Alzheimer’s Syndrome. Jeanne must physically keep up with the demands of her mother’s care and mentally deal with her own feelings of having led an incomplete and possibly inconsequential life.
In her earlier life, Dad had always taken care of Mom. As the family had grown, Dad noticed that there was something wrong with Velma. He didn’t want to worry daughter Jeanne and her husband Larry, or son Rocky and wife Barbara about it. As C. Ray felt his own health deteriorating he asked Jeanne to promise him that she would take care of Velma if something bad happened. She promised. He died.
She should not have to do this alone. Brother Rocky and wife Barbara should be able to help. But Rocky works constantly trying to keep Barbara in a comfortable lifestyle so she won’t run off with her latest love interest … again. Jeanne feels bad for her brother and maybe envious of Barbara. Jeanne could not turn to husband Larry for help. Their married life centered on his search to become a successful comedian. Failure as a comedian and forced employment in the garment industry was such a disappointment to Larry that he extended his failure to marriage. Larry had divorced Jeanne, although his parents, Sid and Nancy continued to be friends to Jeanne. Nancy frequently gave moral support to Jeanne through phone calls, but Jeanne remained stuck with the physical care.
Jeanne’s son Conrad was away at college. He appears initially very self-centered with so little contact with his mom that he was of no help to Jeanne. She even considered not going to her son’s graduation due to the demands of taking care of Velma.
Jeanne is very much a stay at home mom to her mom, Velma. She has nothing to do but think. She thinks about her life. Was it wasted or not? Is she doing the right thing or not? What about her life, doesn’t she have the right to a self-fulfilled life? Through all of this, Jeanne tries to lead a life that is not one of constantly whining. One way she does this is by reflecting on the possibilities of her life as well as the lives of other members of her family. As a result, we have a very interesting chapter about a time when Rocky and Barbara took care of Velma for a few days while Jeanne attended Conrad’s graduation. The reader does not know what happens but reads of the possibilities as they occur in Jeanne’s mind. Other than daily reflection, Jeanne copes with daily life with music. Only one type, Souza’s military marches, helps her. The marches are loud. They drown everything else out.
The most memorable chapter for me was chapter 27. The depiction of Alzheimer’s as it may be seen from inside the victim’s mind was powerful enough to evoke tears. It is one of those game- changer moments that will forever alter the way I look at this disease.
I love this author and this book that is so realistic about caring for a parent with Alzheimer's. I've loved black humor since I first worked in an outpatient clinic at a large hospital. It's a not-so-nice but very effective way of dealing with situations that might otherwise make one cry.
The protagonist grew from a woman who hated her lot in life and her mother's past treatment of her to a woman who let the past slide and loved the good that she could find in life. Some readers thought that she was awful, but I found her dealing with her lot in life as well as she could. The advice about not interfering with the choices that other adults make was spot on and works. It's about maintaining healthy boundaries, which she learned along the way, as we all should.
I laughed so hard in parts that I cried and I felt the character's exhausted desperation as her days and nights were spent dealing with her mother, clearly a heart-wrenching situation to be in. The author did a great job with a difficult subject and her interjections of humor were wonderful.
I would certainly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with this tragic disease, as well as to anyone who knows someone who is caring for someone with Alzheimer's.
I've been trying to figure out how to review this book. I definitely get that it's black humor, and I didn't LOL when I was reading it. But I also didn't STOP reading until it was over. I can totally see someone who is caregiving in almost complete isolation reacting to these situations the way Jeanne does. Even though it does feel like she's whining repetitively in places, I realize that she has no respite from her mother and lives most of her days with no one to talk to other than her mother, and Velma is no longer capable of hearing her and responding the way Jeanne wishes she would--as her mother.
“Well, someone wise— I forget who, but it wasn’t Tolkien— someone once said that a hero is simply a person who does something important for another person who is unable to do it for himself. I wish I could remember who said that, because it’s so basic a definition, so easy to grasp.”
Harper, M.A.. The Worst Day Of My Life, So Far (p. 200). booksBnimble. Kindle Edition.
I sent the author a message to try to determine who said this quote what his/her precise wording was. I feel that this definition of a hero or heroine says something important about the process of caregiving and the people who do it, whether they do it willingly or out of obligation. I wish they would all know that they are heroes or heroines when people who don't understand call them martyrs and "overdramatic."People don't line up to help the caregivers do what they know needs needs to be done--they line up to share what the caregivers are doing "wrong." It doesn't help the person with Alzheimer's, and it doesn't help the caregiver.
I really tried to empathize with the main character but I just couldn't. I thought the message would be much more positive but she just came off as self centered and whiny. Like. Before her mother's sickness, her life wasn't at all terrible and her "tragedies" (like her mother reading her diary?) were narrated as something awful. I guess the moment I just stopped liking her was when she emphatized with an actual rapist because "he wasn't black or Hispanic". I just finished because I don't like leaving books unfinished.
Taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s is not easy. It can be especially difficult when the person has played a major role in your life, primarily a negative one. But in THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE, SO FAR, M.A. Harper manages to explore the experiences of Jeanne who returned home to Auletta, Louisiana, to help with her mother as the disease takes away more and more of her identity and does it with honesty, wit, and a philosophic bent. She sees the disease as a personhood loss, not a memory loss and asks, “Who is a person, when she no longer knows who she is? Will she care?” Taking care of her mother as she slipped further away gave her time to think about what her life had been like as a child and her relationship with her mother. Growing up with the beautiful Velma as her mother, Jeanne never measured up to expectations, though she was never sure what those expectations were. “Our role model was perfection.” She was aware of the differences in the way boys and girls were raised: Boys got encouragement. Girls got criticism. Her father provided some support. When she told him, “Boys think I’m ugly.” he responded “Boys ain’t got no sense. That’s why we send boys out to fight the wars.” Boys, on the other hand, didn’t care about their own looks if they had some sort of talent. He compared her to a pearl which takes time to develop its beauty. “Outer beauty isn’t built to last, baby, and it never does....God sent us into this world with whatever looks we have, but we ourselves are responsible for how our faces look after age fifty.” She openly addresses questions that people caring for a person with Alzheimer’s often experience. She has to deal with the paranoia and accusations. While she wanted to move her mother to a nursing home, she was filled with guilt as if it could be interpreted as something she always wanted to do instead of wanting to care for her personally. When people asked how she, Jeanne, was feeling, she said she was fine and they shouldn’t worry about her. Later, she realized she should have accepted help when it was offered. Other questions she asks are “Who gets to live his own life?” and “How can parents parent their children without making the kids resent them?” And she eventually realized that “What occupies your own mind...are plans, not worries. Plans are sensible and actually sort of masculine, when worries are silly and half-imagined, and lurk in the fuzziest shadows of femininity.” If you are looking for a book with specific suggestions about how to deal with caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, this isn’t the book. But it is the book to see how experience can help caregivers can come to terms with their own feelings and actions. I found it well-written, realistic, somewhat caustic, witty, and philosophical. This book was a free Amazon download.
Honestly, I am always a little skeptical of novels published "only digitally." Call me a snob, but, historically, I generally find them weaker on plot, characterization, grammar, style, and just about any other characteristic you could name than those products that go through the tried-and-true process. While "The Worst Day of My Life, So Far" has not fully changed my opinion, it has given me hope that, as the digital process matures, that we will see tremendous improvements in quality and value.
M. A Harper's heroine, Jeanne Buchannan, is a middle-aged woman who seems always to have made questionable decisions about her life. Jeanne has little self-esteem. Her mother, Velma, was both beautiful and powerful, beloved of her husband who is the center of her life, her father, C. Ray, transitioned to successful career he loved upon returning from World War II, and her brother, Rocky, seems to be bright and well-adjusted. Jeanne becomes pregnant and marries her college sweetheart before either finished school. After setbacks that leave him in a job he hates, they divorce, and the relationship between her and her son is remote. In fact, her closest friend seems to be her ex-husband's mother.
When C.Ray becomes seriously ill, he hints to Jeanne that Velma will need her help when he is gone but never comes out and says, "Your mother has Alzheimer's disease." Jeanne promises that she will take care of her mother because she feels she has little to go back to, and, shortly thereafter, C. Ray dies. Jeanne moves in with her mother, who she desperately loves, loathes, and envies, at the time that her mother is losing herself in terrible ways.
"The Worst Day of My Life, So Far" is a first person narrative of how it feels to be the primary care-taker of a beloved individual who is succumbing to the disease we all fear. The author's characterizations are sharp, and, although the emotions and events depicted are chaotic, the book never loses sight of the awful burden born by both the victim of the disease and the collateral damage on family and friends. It is by turns tender, terrible, sad, sentimental, harsh, fearful, and joyful. While there is no such thing as a happy ending with Alzheimer's, this is a book that reminds you of what humans are at their worst, at their best, and all those spaces in between. It is well worth your time to read.
Ok, why did I not like it? The description gave the impression this was someone's experience of dealing with, and caring for, her mother who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, but narrated with a bit of humour and also pointing out the funny side. As someone in a similar situation, i.e. dealing with a mother suffering from dementia, this book seemed to be just the right thing to read. Right? Wrong! Unless I have forgotten how to read between the lines, or the funny things were so subtly hidden I could not detect them, this book was a whinge and whine about a daughter who looks after her mother for all the wrong reasons. Compassion? Naww, mere guilt - I never liked my mother, but what will people say if I don't look after her now, huh? Oh, my husband cheated on me, I don't want to work, so I can look after Mother. The whole book was about the daughter, her suffering, her woes, with the occasional thought about how and if Mom did remember things, and if she was suffering, too. The rest of the family and friends? Oh woe me! They think it is an easy job, they do not see how much I suffer and how bad it really is - well for goodness sake, why not tell them explicitly and explain things? Sorry, but to me, the narrator gave me the impression of a 40-something woman who never grew up and took responsibility for her actions, always blaming her mother for not instilling enough self-confidence into her, so that of course everything in her life went wrong. Then mixing up Alzheimer's and Dementia - yes, both have similar symptoms and behaviourisms, but they are, in fact, two separate illnesses. It was about me me me, a poor martyr sacrificing herself and no one appreciating it! Yes, it is difficult to care for such a person (I know!), and it is very hard and hurtful to see them get worse; you do need a sense of humour to cope, I think, and I was hoping to find something in this book. Alas, I didn't.
This is a powerful story, thought provoking, sad and so very realistic. This is Jeanne's story, that of a parent with Alzheimer's. The endless, thankless, sleepless days and nights that roll into one, the loneliness and heartbreak, the worry and danger. Seeing the woman that brought you up and you call mother no longer recognise you, but sees people that are dead, she can't even remember how to use toilet paper. A mother that was proud and beautiful. There is no hope, no help, no cure. The author captures all the emotions of the carer in this novel, the truthful thoughts. The years of her life she is losing herself and struggling to achieve some sort of balance. it all works beautifully as you will find yourself laughing at the most random events in the dark humour of the writer. The story travels back in time so that the reader gets the feel of normal life for both the two women. The end, I personally thought, was a heart stopper. I held myself breath, wondering where it was going to go. I highly recommend this book where the subject affects so many people today.
I'm being very generous with a 2 star rating, only because I actually finished this book. Jeanne Roth returned to Auletta, LA, a backwater town, to care for her mother who has Alzheimer's. On every page she whines and complains about her lot in life. Every page. Whether relating her own backstory or talking about other people, Jeanne always brings it back to herself and how much her life sucks. It's very hard to have any empathy for a character like that.
The book does portray the decline of the Alzheimer's patient fairly realistically, so that's one positive thing I can say about the book. Supposedly the writing is "hilarious" according to the book jacket; I would say it was mildly amusing at times. The ending, foreshadowed many times, is dramatic, abrupt and unsatisfying. I understand what the author was trying to do by ending the book this way, but after making the book all about Jeanne, the ending seems discordant.
I would definitely read this author again. I like these kinds of books that I refer to as "Seinfeld books" because they're books about nothing but very entertaining. Nothing unusual or monumental happens but I was absorbed in the people-watching of these flawed, realistic, interesting characters.
A Few Quotes from the Book "Every morning that I woke up in Auletta and realized that I had not yet poisoned her, nor put my head in the oven, I figured that I was doing okay."
"Never look at your high school yearbook when you're depressed, I learned. Unless you know for a fact that the Homecoming Queen now weighs three-eighty. Or is dead."
"She is unlearning things, in roughly the same order that she learned them as a toddler. Unlearning. Dolores Bordelon thinks that this is all about memory loss, and it's not. It's about personhood loss."
I really enjoyed this book. It started on a light-hearted note, and as the novel unfurled it drew me in more and more. The main character is a middle aged woman coming to terms with her life when her father dies. She has to return home to Louisiana to care for her mother who is suffering from Alzheimer's. As her mother declines, Jeanne is increasingly trapped in her childhood home. It's a compelling read and a realistic look at the life of a caregiver. Funny and deadly serious at the same time. Although some of the secondary characters are two dimensional, I didn't mind. Definitely worth reading.
Having had a grandmother who suffered through Alzheimers and a grandfather who was with her every step of the way as primary caregiver, I found a few moments in the story that pained me at the thought of what they both must have been feeling (or not feeling) during those later years. I struggled, however, with the ending, which I felt came far too abruptly. There was not enough resolution for me, just as there is not enough, or any, resolution for the families of Alzheimers patients. A key intent of Harper, perhaps, but still troubling to me as a reader.
I think anyone who has parents suffering from cognitive issues with aging will appreciate this book. She write lovingly about her mother who is suffering from Alzheimer's, yet the realities and frustrations of how serious this disease is rings true throughout this book. The humor she uses takes the edge off the very uncomfortable situations that (realistically) occur with aging parents. The ending is a bit sketchy ...what really happened to her mother? Maybe the next book will explore that?
I found this to be a very well-written look into the burden of caring for an Alzheimer's patient. The protagonist is believable and the situations are depressingly familiar to anyone who has dealt with someone suffering from Alzheimer's. I did not find it an uplifting read in any way, in fact it was sufficiently depressing that I almost didn't finish the book. I think, however, that it really is worth reading and is a very thought provoking novel.
It took me a week to read this book, but I’m so glad I stuck with it. The life of an Alzheimer’s caretaker requires the stamina and love of a saint. There is no saint in this novel, only ordinary humans with all their flaws.
I have mixed feelings about this book. The writing itself was good, had excellent flow, and was easy to get into. The main characters seemed authentic and the scenes definitely had a ring of real experience to them. I can only give it two stars though due to some significant issues.
So small it's almost not worth mentioning: The author names the in-laws Sid and Nancy unironically. Mental picture!
Minor quibble: Maybe this is a holdover from the setting in the 80s, but there was a lot - a LOT - of negative speech around weight and weight gain in this book. I think that can be useful if it's one character who is slightly obsessed with weight, eating disorders are a real thing, but in this book everyone was into it. There were jokes about middle-aged women in tents and muu-muus and how if you have larger thighs you'll never have sex or can't be raped, not to mention the constant assumption that every negative thing in life is due to weight gain. It was constant enough to be distracting, and it really rubbed me wrong.
Medium disagreement: The minor characters are often flat and sometimes seem to serve no purpose at all. C. Ray is a huge part of the story but barely seems to exist. Rocky is inauthentic and hard to like. Conrad and Larry have no personality.
Major issue: The ending of this needs serious work, as mentioned in other reviews. The conflict is never resolved, nothing is wrapped up, the story simply STOPS in the middle of a high-emotion scene. It is as if the author reached a page limit or got tired of writing and just gave up on it. It turns a good part of the book from engaging to frustrating.
Overall, I think this book is emotional (especially for those who have lived through difficult mother-daughter relationships or Alzheimer's,) and the writing is solid and easy to devour. But significant issues with the book turn it from a gripping family drama into a bit of a muddle.
Meh. This book had an interesting premise, but it was so unrelentingly negative that I couldn't really enjoy it. Jeanne, the main character, grows up in a small town in Louisiana. Her life is shaped by her parents (particularly her mother) and their seemingly perfect relationship. When her widowed mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, Jeanne decides to come home to care for her. I was hoping that the book would give some insight into caring for a parent, or into how our parents shape our lives, or how relationships evolve. It didn't.
Most of the book deals with all the ways that Jeanne's life sucks, and all the ways that she makes herself (and everyone around her) miserable. As a child, she feels awkward, ugly, and out of place. As a young woman, she resents her mother's beauty and poise. She drops out of college because she gets pregnant. She is sexually assaulted. Her husband leaves her for a younger woman. She worries about her son's sexual orientation. Her father dies and her mother falls victim to Alzheimer's disease. She feels compelled to quit her job to care for her mother. She continues to resent her mother, along with her husband, her son, her brother, her sister-in-law, and her hometown. She does grow a bit over the course of the book, but not enough to keep me from thoroughly disliking her.
Life isn't always great, but dwelling on your injuries-- real or perceived-- doesn't make it any better. While I was reading this, I alternated between wanting to shake Jeanne and wanting to stick my head in the oven. That's not the recipe for an enjoyable book.
Ooh, this book packs an emotional punch that left me reeling, but unable to put it down. I read the entire thing in one night. Woke up the next morning with what felt like a hangover.
The Worst Day of My Life, So Far stars Jeanne Roth, who at the age of 40, has returned to her shitty little hometown to care for her mother, who was never very nice to her even before the Alzheimer's set in. Jeanne is divorced, lonely, jobless and unhappy. Her mother alternates between a state of childlike feebleness and full-on rage. But Jeanne promised her father she would care for her mother after his death, and cannot break that promise.
As she spends her days trapped in a house in the country with her mother, Jeanne thinks back over her life: her mostly unhappy upbringing by a woman who was never satisfied with Jeanne's looks, dropping out of college to get married and start a family, her divorce, all the chances she missed out on.
It sounds depressing, and it is, but Jeanne's attitude and internal musings lift it up. She's funny, smart and has a nasty sense of humor. She finds the ability to improve her life, and while she may never be the person she could have been, she finds some happiness in the end. It was really a well-written story, difficult as some parts may have been to handle.
Look, I'm not a big fan of this kind of biographical fiction. If you are, ignore my review. It was decently well written and engaging, and for me quite depressing. I earn my living listening to sad stories of people's lives and their thoughts about them, so perhaps for me it was too much like being at work.
Note that I mostly love sci-fi if I'm going to read fiction, so again you might want to tune me out if you have different taste.
This book was I have read a lot of books in my life and this one is absolutely amazing. From start to finish I was so into this book that I never wanted to put it down and found myself almost burning food and get back to work late from lunch due loosing track of time. It is an amazing story of a woman who felt she never fit in with her beautiful families life, who gave up everything she did have to take care of her mother how is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. There were times when I hated her and thought she was so selfish, and other times when I wanted to cry for her and felt nothing but apathy and admiration for her. I finished this book hoping that (and pray to God often that it does not)if someone in my life develops that disease I can be as strong as she is in this novel to take care of them the way he or she deserves.
This book is scary, especially if you have a history of Alzheimers in your family like me. Maybe it was a little bit too much realism for me. You'd hope that after reading through chapters of uncomfortable suffering there would be a life lesson or affirming thought at the end, but the book ends abruptly with little sense of anything accomplished except surving through a trying experience.
I hope I don't have to make the protagonist's decision: wrench my only surviving parent from the familiarity of her home or sacrifice my own life to being a full-time caretaker for a woman who is rapidly forgetting who I am.
I hope science figures out how to prevent or at least delay the onset of Alzheimers in time for my parents to live their twilight years with their wits intact.
I chose this book because the author is from New Orleans and she shows many scenes in the city. I had the feeling that it was a memoir of sorts, but the author doesn't confirm that.
The story profiles a young woman who was part of the hippie world of the 60's. Her rebellion and life style was well portrayed. She then gets older, marries, makes a mess of marriage and child rearing. She is then called "home" as her mother is ill with Alzheimer's. She moves into the house in a fictional town called Auletta, which is supposed to be near Slidell.
Her dealing with her mother, her lack of ability to do that, and her own depression is essentially the story. It is very sad and, if the author was not trying to get rid of her own ghosts, I'm not sure why she wrote this painful book.
This novel, set in a dead end town in Louisiana, is the first person account of a woman caring for her mother who has Alzheimer's. It is written as if it is her diary plus a manual for people who may be in this situation, and despite the depressing-sounding premise, has some hilarious moments and is a page turner.
It seems apparent that the author speaks at least in part from her own experience or has done some incredible research.
I didn't like the first chapter, at first it seemed a little "Ya Ya Sisterhood meets the Sweet Potato Queens" but after that chapter it was excellent.
after reading reviews here i wasnt too sure about this book. i liked it.i would give it an 'almost' 4 star rating if it were possible. the main charaacter is a 40 something woman who grew up with 'issues' regarding her mother. the woman ends up moving back home to care for her mom who now has alzheimers. i think it was a very honest book, even tho several have tho't she was whining a lot. there were many places i could relate to what the woman was feeling thats for sure-maybe thats why i liked it.. screamed some honesty for me