Making Loss Matter

by David J. Wolpe, Mitch Albom (Foreword)

Some losses are so subtle they go unnoticed, some so overwhelming and cruel they seem unbearable. Coping with grief and experiencing loss overwhelms us in ways that seem both hopeless and endless. In painful moments like these, we must make a choice: Will we allow the difficulties we face to become forces of destruction in our lives, or will we find a way to begin learning from loss, transforming our suffering into a source of strength?

A theologian with the heart of a poet, Rabbi David Wolpe explores the meaning of loss, and the way we can use its inevitable appearance in our lives as a source of strength rather than a source of despair. In this national bestseller, Wolpe creates a remarkably fluid account of how we might find a way out of overwhelming feelings of helplessness and instead begin understanding grief in all its forms and learn to create meaning in difficult times.

Genres: Nonfiction, Religion, Philosophy, Self Help, Grief, Jewish, Death

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Nechama · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know if this book is actually a good book but it was exactly what I needed to read and see at the time. Nothing lasts forever, and sometimes the loss we experience is ambiguous which is a type of loss defined by uncertainty that something will be the way it once was. Even when the loss is temporary, as when one suffers an injury that causes them to lose the ability to walk, hike, or run for a period of time or when there is a perceived loss of trust in closest friends or self, there is no social acknowledgment that a loss has occurred, and thus a lot more challenging to find a way to cope and grieve. This book taught me to develop a sense of acceptance of loss and ambiguity and ways to hold space for accepting that certain aspects of my life have changed and to perceive that change as good. And that other parts of my life may be indefinitely in a state of chaos and turbulence that I had not planned for. It also inspired me to search within myself to discover that I am capable of bearing more that I thought possible. Here's to hoping and having faith and not despairing.

[Darrell Vandervort · Rating 5 out of 5]

Living on the border reality between life and death, especially in a time of pandemic, demands that we make meaning of the reality that death will come to all of us.
Rabbi Wolpe dares us to make meaning out of that realization. We shall mourn, but we should also dare to bring meaning to a lost life. By doing so we can begin to bring meaning to our own lives and see that death is truly the next step in a journey.

[Lore Lippincott · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book after my kitty died. (He got sick; a month later he was gone.) It was the first time I dealt with a sudden loss on my own, as an adult-type person, and I lost grip on reality while spinning through grief. (I forgot to pay bills. Do laundry. Eat. I used to be so good at remembering phone numbers. After the loss, and to this day, I can't remember phone numbers at all.) This book helped me get a handle on what grief was, and its process. Very gently told, but philosophical and spiritual, too. Also, I read a portion of the text at the funeral of a close relative. It's very helpful and I always recommend it to people who might need extra spiritual guidance during a difficult period. It also deals with loss disassociated with death. Loss of anything we are attached to can cause serious emotional ripples.

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rabbi Wolpe has written a book that deals with the many losses we face in life. Some parts of it were really thought provoking. Others, were interesting due to the differences in my beliefs and his. Then others were down-right dull. Depending on where I was in the reading, made a huge difference in my enthusiasm to get back to it. An interesting concept though- since we experience losses all through life.

[Martin Goldberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I so wanted to love this book, but it left me disappointed. I find Rabbi Wolpe's writing scattered, which is unfortunate since I think he has much wisdom to impart. I find the books by Harold Kushner much more satisfying. Also, a book I am currently reading, "Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope" by Benedictine Nun Joan Chittister is absolutely amazing and covers similar ideas. Anyone who reads it will be blown away by the beauty and depth of her words and writing.

[Dindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The sanctity of life despite the certainty of death is Rabbi Wolpe's message or my take away. Doesn't diminish the pain of losing my mother but reminds me that death is inevitable and in that an opportunity.

[Joanne Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wolpe is a deep thinker and a compassionate rabbi. I underlined many passages in this book that spoke to me. But getting through the whole thing was a slog.

[Joan Clark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yiddishkeit - I bonded with this author due to the following writings found in the book:
1. HOME - WE spend our entire lives IN SEARCH OF HOME, for we must be EXILED TO LIVE. PUSHED OUT OF OUR 1ST HOME when we are born, each of us finds his way into a large & frightening world. WE WILL LOSE A SUCCESSION OF HOMES IN A LIFETIME. With each leaving, a PIECE OF OURSELVES STAYS BEHIND. Home is not only the walls & fields; but the BIT OF OUR SOUL that rests, & FINDS PEACE IN THAT PLACE. I MEASURE LIFE BY THE HOMES I HAVE LIVED IN.
2. PAIN - My deepest prayer to God used to be TO SPARE ME FROM THE PAINS OF LIFE that I so dreaded. Now I see that THAT IS THE PRAYER OF A CHILD. I DON'T PRAY FOR A LIFE WITHOUT PAIN (now) INSTEAD I pray "Dear God, I KNOW THERE WILL BE PAIN IN MY LIFE, SADNESS & LOSS. Please, GIVE ME THE STRENGTH to CREATE A LIFE, together WITH THOSE I LOVE, were loss will not be empty, & PAIN WILL NOT BE PURPOSELESS. Help ME FIND THE FAITH TO MAKE LOSS MATTER.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the book, but I was disappointed it didn’t fulfill the title promise. The author repeatedly says we need to make loss meaningful, but there are only a couple places where he actually says HOW to do that, and it’s the how that I very much am looking for tips about. For example, one of the only places he offers advice on how to make a loss meaningful, is when he says to consider what a place we have lost meant to us and what we can learn from that place which we can take with us as we live in other locations. I wanted a lot more concrete suggestion like that from each chapter, and most of them had none.

It was a moving book to read because there are so many personal examples of loss from the author’s life or of people he has known, and there were many interesting Torah passages or other Jewish stories included and explained. I guess a more accurate title would have been “Stories about People who have Lost in the Jewish Tradition”.

[Mark Yashar · Rating 3 out of 5]

“The measure of human character is our reaction to dark times. No one can sidestep darkness. It is the throne upon which light sits. If a soul has not known sadness and struggle, there is no chance of overcoming, no cherishing the dawn.”
— David Wolpe

[Norman Voisey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent writer on relevant topic.

[Dena · Rating 5 out of 5]

A interesting and engaging treatise on love and loss in our journey of living.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wolpe's theory is that we all experience loss all the time (loss of dreams, health, relationships, etc.), and it is what we do with that loss that gives our lives meaning. He uses many familiar Old Testament stories to illustrate his points, presenting many new insights that I had not thought of. I found myself underlining almost the entire book, and I think I've given away about ten copies. For me, this was a life-changing read, and there aren't too many books I can say that about.

[Kimberly Simpson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book and would be a great comfort to anyone questioning his/her faith during difficult times. One of my favorite quotes...

"there is no magic answer to loss. Nothing, not even time will make the pain completely disappear. But loss is transformative if it is met with faith. Faith is our chance to make sense of loss, to cope with the stone that rolls around in the hollow of our stomachs when something loved, something we thought was forever is suddenly gone."

[M.j. Radosevich · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a re-read as I originally picked it up after a professional and personal loss several years ago. The Rabbi Wolpe presents the reality of loss in any life truly lived but alas we all grieve in our own way and time. It takes as long as our hearts need to heal and can not be rushed or ignored. We can be ever busy but eventually we must face the loss or we pay the price with a paralyzed heart.

[Darlene · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was thinking of Karen and Jon when I pulled this off my shelf of dusty spiritual volumes. As I began reading the book by Rabbi Wolpe, I was absorbed by its initial resonance in my life. To be continued . . . in the end, it was less than I had hoped for as I read selectively.

[Matt Root · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and deep reflection on seeking meaning from all of life's losses