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Pastors Are People Too: What They Won't Tell You but You Need to Know
What are your top twenty expectations for your pastor? Now multiply your list by the number of people who attend church with you. Is it any wonder pastors are overwhelmed and underappreciated?
They’re expected to know every member by name, preach a “home run sermon” every Sunday, condemn sin without hurting anyone’s feelings, and be available to serve others 24/7 while not neglecting their own family. The intensity of these expectations and lack of appreciation can and does bring the majority of pastors to a place of despair and ultimately departure from pastoral ministry. This practical field guide offers tangible ways to better understand and care for the pastor who cares so deeply about you.
They’re expected to know every member by name, preach a “home run sermon” every Sunday, condemn sin without hurting anyone’s feelings, and be available to serve others 24/7 while not neglecting their own family. The intensity of these expectations and lack of appreciation can and does bring the majority of pastors to a place of despair and ultimately departure from pastoral ministry. This practical field guide offers tangible ways to better understand and care for the pastor who cares so deeply about you.
256 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2016
193 people are currently reading
179 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
October 26, 2018
Excellent book on how and why to support your pastor. This book gives practical ideas for how you can have your pastor's back. This includes encouraging him, praying for him, loving and encouraging his wife and kids and much more. It should be required reading for all Christians!
January 27, 2019
I remember when I first bought this book, our Vicar was a few months into his new role in our Church, and he shared a link to it on Facebook. I bought it thinking that it sounded interesting, but it just never popped to the top of my reading list. Probably not helped by the uninspiring cover, I never got around to it.
But I’m now quite sad that I didn’t – I know now that there’s a reason why our Vicar probably shared this book – a few months into a new Church which has been without a vicar for over 6 months, I can only imagine the mountains of work and the high expectations that had been placed on him.
I think this book should be essential reading for anyone attending a Church. We tend to put out Vicars on a pedestal and expect something incredible from them, but they are just people, and they only have the same 24 hours in the day that we do. They can’t be everything to everyone (no matter how much they want to be), but we need to be realistic and try to be a support to them rather than a burden.
As the book says:
The book is filled with stories of vicars who have been completely let down by their congregations – acting as a pillar for hundreds of people who need their help, but then dropped like a hot coal as soon as they come to a testing period in their lives. Right at the point that they most need help, they are abandoned. As if because they are a vicar, they’re not allowed to struggle.
I’d like to think that I could never be like that, but this has definitely opened my eyes to the need to be more aware. More considerate. And just kinder in general.
As you may be able to tell from the title, the book is American, and it may be easy to dismiss the contents as things that only happen in American mega-churches, but I think it’s just as likely (if not more likely) to be a problem over here in the CofE. When you think of a CofE vicar, there’s probably a certain picture in your head, and it may look something like this:
But vicars come in all shapes and sizes, and all of them are human. All of them need support and care just like we do.
As I said before, I think this should be required reading for all church-goers. I think if more people had read it, we’d have a lot healthier looking churches, fulled with vicars who are appreciated for who they are and what they do, rather than being overwhelmed and over-worked.
Posted on: http://emmaloui.se/2019/01/25/jimmy-d...
But I’m now quite sad that I didn’t – I know now that there’s a reason why our Vicar probably shared this book – a few months into a new Church which has been without a vicar for over 6 months, I can only imagine the mountains of work and the high expectations that had been placed on him.
I think this book should be essential reading for anyone attending a Church. We tend to put out Vicars on a pedestal and expect something incredible from them, but they are just people, and they only have the same 24 hours in the day that we do. They can’t be everything to everyone (no matter how much they want to be), but we need to be realistic and try to be a support to them rather than a burden.
As the book says:
The demands on pastors can be staggering. Pastors are asked to be dynamic preachers, compassionate counselors, capable administrators, bold visionaries, confident strategists, effective fund-raisers, strong leaders, and much more.
The book is filled with stories of vicars who have been completely let down by their congregations – acting as a pillar for hundreds of people who need their help, but then dropped like a hot coal as soon as they come to a testing period in their lives. Right at the point that they most need help, they are abandoned. As if because they are a vicar, they’re not allowed to struggle.
I’d like to think that I could never be like that, but this has definitely opened my eyes to the need to be more aware. More considerate. And just kinder in general.
As you may be able to tell from the title, the book is American, and it may be easy to dismiss the contents as things that only happen in American mega-churches, but I think it’s just as likely (if not more likely) to be a problem over here in the CofE. When you think of a CofE vicar, there’s probably a certain picture in your head, and it may look something like this:
But vicars come in all shapes and sizes, and all of them are human. All of them need support and care just like we do.
While the joy of friendship allows us to experience the summits of life with one another, true friendship also means walking with one another through the deep valleys of sin, disappointment, anguish, and unbelief.
As I said before, I think this should be required reading for all church-goers. I think if more people had read it, we’d have a lot healthier looking churches, fulled with vicars who are appreciated for who they are and what they do, rather than being overwhelmed and over-worked.
Posted on: http://emmaloui.se/2019/01/25/jimmy-d...
May 21, 2018
I was glad I read this book. It had some valuable information in it that helps laymen understand the kinds of unfair expectations and pressures that tend to get put on pastors. I thought the sections on being committed to loving pastors when things aren't going well for them were especially good. Pastors, like all people, have personal and family problems and they should not be abandoned when those problems manifest themselves. I also thought the discussion about how many hours pastors put in and the need for many pastors to cut back and make sure they spend enough time with their families was very good.
The chapter on compensation and benefits seemed way out of line to me. In this instance, I thought the pastors who wrote the book were the ones with unrealistic expectations of the churches being served. They didn't get into specifics of salary amounts, but their expectations for paid time off was ridiculous. Between vacation, time off for study and professional development, they expect churches to provide close to two months of paid time off for pastors. Very few people get that kind of paid time off. If a church wants to provide it, great, but to expect it seems over the top to me. Most employers, including churches, can't afford to pay people for not working 2 months out of the year. And on top of that, they expect churches to provide a 6 month sabbatical after 6 years of service. I don't know anyone who gets 6 moths of paid leave. There are very few circumstances in which I would be willing to pay someone for 6 months to not work. The authors' answer to this type of objection is, "why should your job be the standard?" I'm not saying my job should be the standard, but what gives them the right to think their desires should be the standard? Who wouldn't like that kind of paid time off? That doesn't mean anyone is going to give it to you.
The chapter on compensation and benefits seemed way out of line to me. In this instance, I thought the pastors who wrote the book were the ones with unrealistic expectations of the churches being served. They didn't get into specifics of salary amounts, but their expectations for paid time off was ridiculous. Between vacation, time off for study and professional development, they expect churches to provide close to two months of paid time off for pastors. Very few people get that kind of paid time off. If a church wants to provide it, great, but to expect it seems over the top to me. Most employers, including churches, can't afford to pay people for not working 2 months out of the year. And on top of that, they expect churches to provide a 6 month sabbatical after 6 years of service. I don't know anyone who gets 6 moths of paid leave. There are very few circumstances in which I would be willing to pay someone for 6 months to not work. The authors' answer to this type of objection is, "why should your job be the standard?" I'm not saying my job should be the standard, but what gives them the right to think their desires should be the standard? Who wouldn't like that kind of paid time off? That doesn't mean anyone is going to give it to you.
November 15, 2018
Dodd and Magnuson couldn't be boring even if they tried - the content was engaging, captivating and highly relatable. I've had the privilege of spending five years studying in bible school, and have interacted with many pastors. They are dedicated to the Lord's work, their hearts beat for their sheep and yet I sense the toll of ministry on the well-being of themselves and their families.
This book is targeted at all Christians, and especially elders and board members. My heart broke many times as I read the regrettably lamentable real-life accounts of the pain and carnage that pastors and their families have been put through. Dodd and Magnuson both lead (two different) organisations that care for pastors, and with their vast insight and experience, provide a glimpse into the struggles, expectations and risks of pastoral ministry. They also provide useful practical guidelines and suggestions to care for the well-being of the pastoral staff, both in the form of pre-emptive measures and also resolutions for ministry workers who have flagged problems with their personal and family lives. Even if you arent in a position to influence church policy, there are still many viable suggestions for an ordinary church member to bless, love and care for their pastors.
I enjoyed the read so much that I bought 8 copies to give away; it's an easy 6 star rating for me! I heartily recommend and endorse this title!
This book is targeted at all Christians, and especially elders and board members. My heart broke many times as I read the regrettably lamentable real-life accounts of the pain and carnage that pastors and their families have been put through. Dodd and Magnuson both lead (two different) organisations that care for pastors, and with their vast insight and experience, provide a glimpse into the struggles, expectations and risks of pastoral ministry. They also provide useful practical guidelines and suggestions to care for the well-being of the pastoral staff, both in the form of pre-emptive measures and also resolutions for ministry workers who have flagged problems with their personal and family lives. Even if you arent in a position to influence church policy, there are still many viable suggestions for an ordinary church member to bless, love and care for their pastors.
I enjoyed the read so much that I bought 8 copies to give away; it's an easy 6 star rating for me! I heartily recommend and endorse this title!
September 29, 2019
This is a great book about the hardships pastors face and how their churches can support them (and unfortunately how they also fail miserably in doing so). I realized how much I had placed unreasonable expectations when I was younger. This book gives you a better idea of the life of a pastor and the limits in both time and capacity they have in providing personal attention to every member of a large church. I particularly liked the chapter on church conflict and determining whether an issue is worth "dying" over instead of merely discussing or dismissing it. I also like the idea of the need for people in conflict to avoid "triangles" -- the idea that people go to a third source to express displeasure instead of just having a face-to-face conversation. This is a good book for Christians to read and to appreciate their staff.
April 27, 2018
I wish everyone had an understanding of the material that Dodd and Magnunson include in this book. I read it an empathized with several of the examples they used. I felt a desire to see someone fill several of the roles that they mentioned someone in the church might fill for their pastor. I also realized that there are places where I as a pastor could serve the church and/or myself better.
I think that everyone who is going to be a church leader should read and consider the material in this book. It might solve many problems before they arise. And make the problems that do arise simpler to navigate. Above all, it would make the church shine so much brighter in the communities where she is planted, and bring our God much more glory!
I think that everyone who is going to be a church leader should read and consider the material in this book. It might solve many problems before they arise. And make the problems that do arise simpler to navigate. Above all, it would make the church shine so much brighter in the communities where she is planted, and bring our God much more glory!
May 30, 2018
Pastors Are People Too is a MUST READ for Christians. Pastors, church leaders (Elders, Deacons, etc). and regular congregants will benefit greatly from this book. This books takes the worst of what pastors have gone through and then pulls the reader through the steps and ideas of how such horrible tragedies can be avoided. From marital meltdown to financial ruin.
While reading through, I wept at some of the things that I read through, and I'm sure many out there will weep because they have experienced similar trials and tribulations as the pastor of a church.
Read this!
While reading through, I wept at some of the things that I read through, and I'm sure many out there will weep because they have experienced similar trials and tribulations as the pastor of a church.
Read this!
August 5, 2019
This was a great book, very insightful and good things to think about and know ! We all think we are the only person in the church sometimes, even in a church with hundreds of people and can’t understand when our pastor can’t find time to speak to me or schedule a time to meet with him, think again, if he is doing his job then it is not that he is avoiding you or making excuses not to meet, he is just very busy! Don’t judge him he is a person too, his family comes first and we need to remember that!
December 3, 2017
This book is an important read if you are concerned for your pastor. It offers insight into the challenges he may face along with ways you can be a strong support to him.
The bottom line is: Don’t set unrealistic expectations for your pastor
Second most important point: just because you live your life one way doesn’t mean that’s the way your pastor should live—his job is likely very different to yours
The chapter on conflict is outstanding and worth reading on its own.
The bottom line is: Don’t set unrealistic expectations for your pastor
Second most important point: just because you live your life one way doesn’t mean that’s the way your pastor should live—his job is likely very different to yours
The chapter on conflict is outstanding and worth reading on its own.
November 16, 2017
I really enjoyed this book that originally was one Vern wanted to read but he never got past the first chapter.I think because his dad was a pastor he had a hard tinge with the issue. is a miracle he is a believer after all.I enjoyed it because it have me enlightenment about pastors. gave me encouragement to support ours as well as to love them both him and his wife. they are amazing people
August 5, 2018
Eye opener about what Pastors
Eye opener about what Pastors go through and what they need and can't always ask for. It is often forgotten that Pastors are called by God but work among other people and can make mistakes of working too hard, letting life problems overwhelm and wear them out. This book speaks of these issues and more.
Eye opener about what Pastors go through and what they need and can't always ask for. It is often forgotten that Pastors are called by God but work among other people and can make mistakes of working too hard, letting life problems overwhelm and wear them out. This book speaks of these issues and more.
February 1, 2020
Insightful
I am not a pastor, but chose to read this book for a better understanding of the duties of a pastor. I am on a Search Committee and this book was very insightful. A pastor is a real person. They are called to a higher standard, but they are human, we as a congregation should remember that. Great resource for our future pastor.
I am not a pastor, but chose to read this book for a better understanding of the duties of a pastor. I am on a Search Committee and this book was very insightful. A pastor is a real person. They are called to a higher standard, but they are human, we as a congregation should remember that. Great resource for our future pastor.
November 19, 2017
You will no think of nor treat your pastor the same.
A book that every leader and member of a church should read. Well written, easy to read. You will no think of nor treat your pastor the same.
A book that every leader and member of a church should read. Well written, easy to read. You will no think of nor treat your pastor the same.
April 4, 2018
I don't normally write reviews, but this book is a must read for all Christian's. Not just those in positions of leadership in the church. This book does a very good job of explaining many of the issues facing pastors today most of which congregations are completely clueless about.
May 12, 2018
Pastors matter
Written in a way that made you want to be more supportive and understanding of your Pastor. I took some key points and will apply them as I continue to grow in my church and in my faith walk.
Written in a way that made you want to be more supportive and understanding of your Pastor. I took some key points and will apply them as I continue to grow in my church and in my faith walk.
August 5, 2018
Super step by step and well explained. It goes into portions of a pastor's life that are really thought about and is extremely eye-opening. Every church member needs to read this book and think three times about what they are or aren't doing for their pastors.
September 4, 2018
This is such a valuable book and I highly recommend it. It’s so important to realize and allow Pastors to He human and have failings and need grace and this book helps you remember the humanity of your pastor and helps you learn how to be a caring church member too.
April 13, 2018
Good
I would recommend this book. Anyone who truly cares about their pastor and church leaders should read this. Good read
I would recommend this book. Anyone who truly cares about their pastor and church leaders should read this. Good read
June 11, 2018
Good read
Helpful resource and very insightful into the lives of the pastor, his wife, his kids, and his calling. Thankful for the honesty!
Helpful resource and very insightful into the lives of the pastor, his wife, his kids, and his calling. Thankful for the honesty!
January 12, 2019
Good to honor the pastor at your local church
July 25, 2019
A great book for church members and pastors alike to read and ponder. Inspiring and clear message.
Read
February 17, 2020I want to read this book.
April 2, 2021
Every negative trait is a positive quality misused
January 15, 2019
If you think you take really great care of your pastor, read this book and be prepared for a shock. You might need to rethink things.
January 10, 2020
Those who need to read this book most will likely never do so. And he is right that you likely won't hear these things from your pastor; they will bear these burdens alone or maybe with their fellow comrades in arms who also know first hand the hazards of the call.
October 13, 2017
I highly recommend this book for anyone interested or currently in ministry . . This book is very realistic yet many do not view pastors in this manor . .
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews