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Nurture the Wow: Finding Spirituality in the Frustration, Boredom, Tears, Poop, Desperation, Wonder, and Radical Amazement of Parenting
National Jewish Book Award Finalist 2016
A deeply affecting, funny, insightful meditation that challenges readers to find the spiritual meaning of parenting.
Every day, parents are bombarded by demands. The pressures of work and life are relentless; our children’s needs are often impossible to meet; and we rarely, if ever, allow ourselves the time and attention necessary to satisfy our own inner longings. Parenthood is difficult, demanding, and draining. And yet, argues Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, if we can approach it from a different mindset, perhaps the work of parenting itself can offer the solace we seek.
Rooted in Judaism but incorporating a wide-range of religious and literary traditions, Nurture the Wow asks, Can ancient ideas about relationships, drudgery, pain, devotion, and purpose help make the hard parts of a parent’s job easier and the magical stuff even more so? Ruttenberg shows how parenting can be considered a spiritual practice―and how seeing it that way can lead to transformation. This is a parent hood book, not a parent ing book; it shows how the experiences we have as parents can change us for the better.
Enlightening, uplifting, and laugh-out-loud funny, Nurture the Wow reveals how parenthood―in all its crazy-making, rage-inducing, awe and joy-filled moments―can actually be the path to living fully, authentically, and soulfully.
A deeply affecting, funny, insightful meditation that challenges readers to find the spiritual meaning of parenting.
Every day, parents are bombarded by demands. The pressures of work and life are relentless; our children’s needs are often impossible to meet; and we rarely, if ever, allow ourselves the time and attention necessary to satisfy our own inner longings. Parenthood is difficult, demanding, and draining. And yet, argues Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, if we can approach it from a different mindset, perhaps the work of parenting itself can offer the solace we seek.
Rooted in Judaism but incorporating a wide-range of religious and literary traditions, Nurture the Wow asks, Can ancient ideas about relationships, drudgery, pain, devotion, and purpose help make the hard parts of a parent’s job easier and the magical stuff even more so? Ruttenberg shows how parenting can be considered a spiritual practice―and how seeing it that way can lead to transformation. This is a parent hood book, not a parent ing book; it shows how the experiences we have as parents can change us for the better.
Enlightening, uplifting, and laugh-out-loud funny, Nurture the Wow reveals how parenthood―in all its crazy-making, rage-inducing, awe and joy-filled moments―can actually be the path to living fully, authentically, and soulfully.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published April 19, 2016
65 people are currently reading
765 people want to read
About the author
Danya Ruttenberg
18 books243 followersRabbi Danya Ruttenberg is the author of eight books. Her newest, ON REPENTANCE AND REPAIR: MAKING AMENDS IN AN UNREPENTANT WORLD (Beacon Press, September 2022) applies an ancient framework of repentance and repair not only to our personal relationships, but to the contemporary public square, to institutions, and to national policy--addressing some of the most live and unresolved issues of our time.
She was named by Newsweek and The Daily Beast as one of ten “rabbis to watch,” as one of 21 “faith leaders to watch” by the Center for American Progress, by the Forward as one of the top 50 most influential women rabbis, has been a Washington Post Sunday crossword clue (83 Down) and called a “wunderkund of Jewish feminism” by Publishers Weekly.
She has written for The New York Times, The Atlantic, Salon, Time, The Washington Post, and many other publications. She has been featured on NPR a number of times, as well as in The Atlantic, USA Today, NBC News, CNN, MTV News, Vice, Buzzfeed News, and elsewhere.
Nurture the Wow: Finding Spirituality in the Frustration, Boredom, Tears, Poop, Desperation, Wonder, and Radical Amazement of Parenting (Flatiron Books), was a National Jewish Book Award finalist and PJ Library Parents’ Choice selection; Surprised By God: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Religion (Beacon Press), was nominated for the Sami Rohr Prize for Jewish literature and a Hadassah Book Club selection. Her other books include The Passionate Torah: Sex and Judaism (NYU Press), Yentl’s Revenge: The Next Wave of Jewish Feminism (Seal Press), and, with Rabbi Elliot Dorff, three books for the Jewish Publication Society’s Jewish Choices/Jewish Voices series: Sex and Intimacy, War and National Security, and Social Justice.
She was named by Newsweek and The Daily Beast as one of ten “rabbis to watch,” as one of 21 “faith leaders to watch” by the Center for American Progress, by the Forward as one of the top 50 most influential women rabbis, has been a Washington Post Sunday crossword clue (83 Down) and called a “wunderkund of Jewish feminism” by Publishers Weekly.
She has written for The New York Times, The Atlantic, Salon, Time, The Washington Post, and many other publications. She has been featured on NPR a number of times, as well as in The Atlantic, USA Today, NBC News, CNN, MTV News, Vice, Buzzfeed News, and elsewhere.
Nurture the Wow: Finding Spirituality in the Frustration, Boredom, Tears, Poop, Desperation, Wonder, and Radical Amazement of Parenting (Flatiron Books), was a National Jewish Book Award finalist and PJ Library Parents’ Choice selection; Surprised By God: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Religion (Beacon Press), was nominated for the Sami Rohr Prize for Jewish literature and a Hadassah Book Club selection. Her other books include The Passionate Torah: Sex and Judaism (NYU Press), Yentl’s Revenge: The Next Wave of Jewish Feminism (Seal Press), and, with Rabbi Elliot Dorff, three books for the Jewish Publication Society’s Jewish Choices/Jewish Voices series: Sex and Intimacy, War and National Security, and Social Justice.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
September 27, 2016
Just when I'd given up on books about spirituality and parenting, I found Danya Ruttenberg's NURTURE THE WOW--a book with an unfortunately kitchy title and excellent content. Ruttenberg is a rabbi steeped in the mystical branches of Judaism. When two boys arrive, interrupting her prayer practice with their bodily needs and rosy-cheeked smiles, she suddenly sees her religious tradition as formed and developed by those not caring for dependents--in other words, by men.
"The idea that caring for children could be a core, crucial, even cornerstone aspect of one’s spiritual and religious life, that loving and caring for them should be integrated, somehow, into one’s spiritual and religious expression—well, it’s totally absent from [traditional Jewish law]. And this absence isn’t specific to Judaism. Rather, it’s the norm in a lot of corners of the religious world.
"I wonder how various religions traditions might have formulated their approaches to prayer (and everything else) if they had been thinking about the realities of parenting small children from the beginning. And I wonder what these traditions could look like if the questions, challenges, and types of thinking that parenting opens up were taken seriously and brought into the conversation, even at this late date."
Exactly what I wonder, daily. Ruttenberg leans on her rich, Kabbalistic tradition and draws from the wisdom of daily experience to begin this conversation. A few of her angles in? The practice of listening to and responding to a baby's needs as preparation for heeding God. The covanental relationship we have with our children, in which we have dominion over their world and we agree to be radically changed by their presence. Acts of love for our children NOT as practice for God but AS the experience of loving God. The desperate longing we feel for our children as an expression of our longing for the divine. This isn't dimestore spirituality; Ruttenberg is grappling with the heavyweight questions of embodiment, the formation and loss of self, and on-the-ground spiritual practice.
My only criticism of this book is that it's based entirely on the early years of parenting. I want Ruttenberg to write part two in 15 years, when her boys are on their own (perhaps) and her spirit has endured the trials and formations of the teen years. We need both books; we need many more books like these, that bring the messy, demanding, embodied experiences of loving young humans to bear on our religious and spiritual wisdom traditions. Look for mine in another decade.
"The idea that caring for children could be a core, crucial, even cornerstone aspect of one’s spiritual and religious life, that loving and caring for them should be integrated, somehow, into one’s spiritual and religious expression—well, it’s totally absent from [traditional Jewish law]. And this absence isn’t specific to Judaism. Rather, it’s the norm in a lot of corners of the religious world.
"I wonder how various religions traditions might have formulated their approaches to prayer (and everything else) if they had been thinking about the realities of parenting small children from the beginning. And I wonder what these traditions could look like if the questions, challenges, and types of thinking that parenting opens up were taken seriously and brought into the conversation, even at this late date."
Exactly what I wonder, daily. Ruttenberg leans on her rich, Kabbalistic tradition and draws from the wisdom of daily experience to begin this conversation. A few of her angles in? The practice of listening to and responding to a baby's needs as preparation for heeding God. The covanental relationship we have with our children, in which we have dominion over their world and we agree to be radically changed by their presence. Acts of love for our children NOT as practice for God but AS the experience of loving God. The desperate longing we feel for our children as an expression of our longing for the divine. This isn't dimestore spirituality; Ruttenberg is grappling with the heavyweight questions of embodiment, the formation and loss of self, and on-the-ground spiritual practice.
My only criticism of this book is that it's based entirely on the early years of parenting. I want Ruttenberg to write part two in 15 years, when her boys are on their own (perhaps) and her spirit has endured the trials and formations of the teen years. We need both books; we need many more books like these, that bring the messy, demanding, embodied experiences of loving young humans to bear on our religious and spiritual wisdom traditions. Look for mine in another decade.
April 13, 2016
Oh, how I loved this book. It is the perfect blend of traditional texts, ancient wisdom, modern sensibilities, and real-life vignettes. It makes me wish that I'd had this by my side during those really tough early years when my kids were babies. But I'm so grateful to have it NOW because the middle years are no easier. Though there is less poop...
December 19, 2016
Wonderful blend of ancient texts from all traditions, modern wisdom, and personal anecdotes. I laughed and cried -- it really is a book about being a parent, not about parenting-- there is a difference! Well done!!!!
February 28, 2016
Great book for new parents. Passed it on to a couple expecting their first child in June. They were very appreciative to receive the book. I received this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
September 21, 2017
I wanted to like this book. I think that there are important lessons to be taught about finding spirituality in everyday life. But the author's description of her poor parenting skills made me unable to get through this book. Her 3 year old who still doesn't sleep through the night. How she fixes a different dinner for each child so they will be happy. Like so many parents today, the author thinks it is her job to make her kids happy, rather than trying to raise self-reliant and resilient kids. She does not set expectations or provide boundaries on appropriate behavior for her kids... no wonder she is at her wits end. My experience raising my 4 kids, with expectations, responsibilities and discipline has been a very different one from hers, and far more pleasant.
May 31, 2019
Rabbi Ruttenberg is one of the clearest contemporary teachers Judaism offers the world. This book is no exception. I'm not a parent, and I still took away lots on spiritual practice from Jewish traditions and raising family. Recommended for individuals, parents, parent spiritual support classes, and adult faith development programs.
June 25, 2017
This book is a beautiful place to end a looooooong day of caring for children. I'd recommend reading the last chapter first!
January 15, 2017
I wish I'd had this book to read 10 years ago when I was a new parent! Danya Ruttenberg shares great wisdom in how to appreciate and find meaning in the mundane, muddy, and least "magical" aspects of parenting.
July 6, 2020
Wonderful. Buy this book for your home library, as you’ll want to return to it again and again. Not just for Jewish folks, and contains a lot of universal thoughts on spirituality that should speak to lots of people, even those who don’t consider themselves religious. For me as a Jewish woman, though, it was profound. Reading this was a call to mindfulness, a reminder that there are good moments when I was in the middle of a stressful moment, an echoing of the work I did before birth with my doula to learn to be in the present moment, not dwelling on the discomfort of the past or anxiety about the future.
During maternity leave, I put my kiddo in a carrier and walked laps in my backyard, reading out loud. Even more than pandemic-induced virtual services, this book was exactly what I needed, and hopefully will spark conversation about the profound experiences of meaning and joy that can come from raising tiny humans. I loved it. Would highly recommend.
During maternity leave, I put my kiddo in a carrier and walked laps in my backyard, reading out loud. Even more than pandemic-induced virtual services, this book was exactly what I needed, and hopefully will spark conversation about the profound experiences of meaning and joy that can come from raising tiny humans. I loved it. Would highly recommend.
July 21, 2020
This book is full of deeply meaningful insights that as a parent speak authentically to me. It’s been a long time since I read a book where on almost every page I feel myself wanting to shout out “exactly!”. It is an easy read which is imperative to its target audience, the busy parent of young children. This for me is the kind of book I loved and have missed from my pre-parenting life. A book that moves you emotionally, spiritually and hopefully inspires you enough to make some small but real changes to your daily life.
4 stars instead of 5 only because some chapters did feel like within the chapter the lessons/themes repeated themselves a bit. A bit tighter editing of the book might have been helpful. You get the sense the author is so passionate about these topics that she couldn’t force herself to settle for one example and threw in 2-3 at times when the point had already been made.
4 stars instead of 5 only because some chapters did feel like within the chapter the lessons/themes repeated themselves a bit. A bit tighter editing of the book might have been helpful. You get the sense the author is so passionate about these topics that she couldn’t force herself to settle for one example and threw in 2-3 at times when the point had already been made.
September 12, 2020
3.5. Rounded up as I’m amazed at how parts of this book have really stuck with me. This was gifted to us when Marie was born. It was a nice companion when pumping in the early days. Lol. While read in tiny bits at a time, the stories and lessons were relatable and stuck with me and helped me focus on the positive parts of parenting while being reminded that parenting is challenging for (most) everyone. About halfway through I set it down and rediscovered it after I became a stay at home mom (thanks, COVID!). While still comforting and memorable, I found some parts more academic than I would have preferred for bedtime reading. Now that I’ve finished I’m tempted to immediately re-start the first half since I read it so long ago and in a different parenting era as a working mom with younger kids. I might even want to take notes!
January 23, 2019
Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg helps parents reframe the difficult act of parenting as a spiritual practice. While she acknowledges that parenting can be hard and boring and even excruciating at times, she guides us to stay present in those moments as a means to encounter the Divine. And she gives so much grace, reminding us again and again that it is a spiritual practice designed to make you better, not a performance. This book is not about how to change your children but about how to allow your love of your children to make you more fully into yourself. I was so helped by her reframing of the goal of parenthood as well as the grace she offered when you mess up again and again. It’s a helpful and encouraging book when you’re in the raiding little humans season of life.
December 24, 2017
I've read many books on Jewish spirituality, but this is by far the best. Ruttenberg takes ideas that Heschel makes grandiose and abstract and brings them to every day reality of a parent of young children. She comes from a Jewish perspective, and also brings in other traditions as well. Her stories are easy to relate to, and she references diverse writers and thinkers. I would love to hear her speak, even though my children are older. I would also love for her to write another version of this book when her kids become teenagers! (Also, don't skip the Afterword...I found it to be one of the best parts of the book!)
August 17, 2017
The author emphasizes being in the present moment with your kids…seeing the world from their perspective…embracing them for who they are where they currently are…that there is beauty in even the mundane tasks of taking care of young kids. However, the author is very long-winded and she belabored her points…the book would’ve been better if it was a third of its length
May 9, 2019
This is the book I've been waiting for since I had a kid 5 years ago. Finally, wisdom that transforms my mind and my heart in the daily experience of parenting! I've found parenting books mostly useless and impractical, so I was slow to pick this one up even though the title intrigued me (and it was given to me). This is great.
July 23, 2020
Soooo good if you're a parent and you are connected to your spirituality. Or if you're neither of those things, but want to understand the connection between the two. Or if you're a human. It's just really good.
April 10, 2022
I underlined a lot and wrote in the margins. Took a lot of notes. Enjoyed the notes section and references. Marked a lot I wanted to read. I need to read again. I loaned it to a friend and never got it back. I recommend it. DR is a good writer.
January 30, 2019
The author has a way of making you think about different things.
June 14, 2019
Outstanding book that I plan on revisiting over the years.
I can’t wait to get to some of Rabbi Ruttenberg’s other books.
I can’t wait to get to some of Rabbi Ruttenberg’s other books.
October 1, 2019
There were good takeaways but I think the length could have been cut by at least a third.
August 9, 2020
This is an excellent blend of theology, insight, humor, and relatable stories. It's one to return to for sure.
December 29, 2020
What a powerful book! A bold statement of the truth that the painfully mundane aspects of parenting are not a distraction from spiritual engagement, but a doorway into it. I will be drawing from this book for a while.
August 11, 2022
Loved this. She reframed the spiritual side of motherhood for me. Highly recommend!
August 25, 2025
Loved this, will re-read
July 15, 2021
So good for anyone who is exploring the spiritual aspects of parenting! The last chapters got a little slow, but the beginning is fabulous.
August 26, 2016
From Raincoast Books for honest review:
Every once in a while I come across a parenting book that makes me completely reexamine the way I mother. Mothers of the Village was the last one to do that. Danya Ruttenberg does it again.
I love how in the description of this book it states that this is a parenthood book. It really is! Nurture the Wow doesn’t teach you how to parent, but rather how to be a more connected, more grounded, more fulfilled parent.
I’m not Jewish, but I loved learning more about the ancient faith. This definitely isn’t a book just for Jewish people however, and Ruttenberg uses quotations from people from all walks of life, from all faiths, and from both historical and contemporary sources.
She made a concerted effort to be as inclusive as possible, and acknowledges differing (or similar) experiences from adoptive parents, LGBT parents, and more.
I loved that this book was intelligent and stimulating. This isn’t something you pick up and plow through. This is a book you really invest time into. And it’s worth it.
One of my favourite subjects she writes about is changing our relationship with our children from an I-It relationship to an I-Thou relationship. In an I-It relationship we view the other half as merely a means to an end. The example she uses is of a waitress who brings us food. We don’t care about her life, we just want our pizza.
“An I-Thou relationship, on the other hand, is one in which the other person is fully seen, and fully accepted – regarded as a whole being, full of hopes and dreams and selfhood, and, if this language makes sense to you, created in the divine image… in which we ask: Where are you? What are you going through?”
Being reminded that the little turkeys in my house, despite being miniature sized, are full little people, was something I needed. Not to say I don’t think my kids are people… (I’m not a bad person, I swear!) Sometimes it’s just good to remember that beneath the screaming, crying, pooping, irrational, beautiful, amazing mess that kids can be, there is a little soul inside needing to be nurtured.
That is what this book did. It gently reminded me to nurture the wow.
See more reviews at
www.quillable.ca
Every once in a while I come across a parenting book that makes me completely reexamine the way I mother. Mothers of the Village was the last one to do that. Danya Ruttenberg does it again.
I love how in the description of this book it states that this is a parenthood book. It really is! Nurture the Wow doesn’t teach you how to parent, but rather how to be a more connected, more grounded, more fulfilled parent.
I’m not Jewish, but I loved learning more about the ancient faith. This definitely isn’t a book just for Jewish people however, and Ruttenberg uses quotations from people from all walks of life, from all faiths, and from both historical and contemporary sources.
She made a concerted effort to be as inclusive as possible, and acknowledges differing (or similar) experiences from adoptive parents, LGBT parents, and more.
I loved that this book was intelligent and stimulating. This isn’t something you pick up and plow through. This is a book you really invest time into. And it’s worth it.
One of my favourite subjects she writes about is changing our relationship with our children from an I-It relationship to an I-Thou relationship. In an I-It relationship we view the other half as merely a means to an end. The example she uses is of a waitress who brings us food. We don’t care about her life, we just want our pizza.
“An I-Thou relationship, on the other hand, is one in which the other person is fully seen, and fully accepted – regarded as a whole being, full of hopes and dreams and selfhood, and, if this language makes sense to you, created in the divine image… in which we ask: Where are you? What are you going through?”
Being reminded that the little turkeys in my house, despite being miniature sized, are full little people, was something I needed. Not to say I don’t think my kids are people… (I’m not a bad person, I swear!) Sometimes it’s just good to remember that beneath the screaming, crying, pooping, irrational, beautiful, amazing mess that kids can be, there is a little soul inside needing to be nurtured.
That is what this book did. It gently reminded me to nurture the wow.
See more reviews at
www.quillable.ca
July 10, 2016
"Giving love changes us and our children. Love is necessary as air. It's how we tap into one another, find each other; how we grow and flourish, magnificently, together. It's inconvenient and it's maddening and it's frustrating and it's sometimes painfully difficult to love another person, especially our own child. But this love is our spiritual practice. It is our work and our task down here this mortal coil. It is not only the oxygen that we offer to our children, it's what makes us able to breath, ourselves."
"Being present with our kids is scary. Because it brings us face to face with our lives as they are now, rather than with the story we've been telling ourselves about them, or there reveries we construct about how great things might be in some alternate reality. It forces us to confront our own discomforts, sadness, anger and pain. It forces us to sit with the reality that if we choose to be with our kids, at least for a little bit, we have to let our to-do lists lie fallow for a few minutes and to let all our anxiety about that rise up and fade out. It's the only way that we're able to actually offer our children the attentive love they so desperately crave from us"
"We're never going to be able to control everything, or to understand suffering, if indeed there is even something to understand. All we can do is to wrap up our fear and anger and pain and breath it out as love for the children who have been entrusted to our care."
"We literally have the power to decide how our children experience their own lives, to show them what is important and to create the filters which they regard the world. Is the person on the street corner scary? Someone to push past awkwardly? Someone we can and should help? How? With what tools? Our kids' understanding of what's reasonable and possibly comes entirely from us"
"We to carve out for ourselves pockets and corners of life without distraction, and regard our own self-care as a legitimate obligation"
"Being present with our kids is scary. Because it brings us face to face with our lives as they are now, rather than with the story we've been telling ourselves about them, or there reveries we construct about how great things might be in some alternate reality. It forces us to confront our own discomforts, sadness, anger and pain. It forces us to sit with the reality that if we choose to be with our kids, at least for a little bit, we have to let our to-do lists lie fallow for a few minutes and to let all our anxiety about that rise up and fade out. It's the only way that we're able to actually offer our children the attentive love they so desperately crave from us"
"We're never going to be able to control everything, or to understand suffering, if indeed there is even something to understand. All we can do is to wrap up our fear and anger and pain and breath it out as love for the children who have been entrusted to our care."
"We literally have the power to decide how our children experience their own lives, to show them what is important and to create the filters which they regard the world. Is the person on the street corner scary? Someone to push past awkwardly? Someone we can and should help? How? With what tools? Our kids' understanding of what's reasonable and possibly comes entirely from us"
"We to carve out for ourselves pockets and corners of life without distraction, and regard our own self-care as a legitimate obligation"
April 11, 2016
Calling all mothers, soon to be mothers and ladies who want to become mothers!
Nurture the Wow brings all the various sides of motherhood to life if all these tales of experience with children. The book engages the reader to find the true spiritual enlightenment with the nitty gritty of parenting. It brings to light all the precious moments and all the "ripping hair out by the seams" moments as well. Not only that, but this book really helps encourage parents and families to be to find the delight and the deep affection that each good and bad moment in parenthood is a blessing.
A truly sweet book that really captures the reminder that everyone needs to remember; to live fully in the present--when the gift of a child is blessed into your life and even before having children. A truly great read for any parent, child or family to be (or anyone who wants kids).
Nurture the Wow brings all the various sides of motherhood to life if all these tales of experience with children. The book engages the reader to find the true spiritual enlightenment with the nitty gritty of parenting. It brings to light all the precious moments and all the "ripping hair out by the seams" moments as well. Not only that, but this book really helps encourage parents and families to be to find the delight and the deep affection that each good and bad moment in parenthood is a blessing.
A truly sweet book that really captures the reminder that everyone needs to remember; to live fully in the present--when the gift of a child is blessed into your life and even before having children. A truly great read for any parent, child or family to be (or anyone who wants kids).
September 26, 2016
Hands down the best book on parenting that I have read thus far.
Ruttenberg elegantly explores the idea of parenting as a spiritual discipline, reframing how we approach that task. She asks how we might draw nearer to God through the role of parenting, seeing it as a sacred role, while also recognizing how hard and mundane it can be some days.
This is a book that I'll be returning to again and again in the coming years.
Ruttenberg elegantly explores the idea of parenting as a spiritual discipline, reframing how we approach that task. She asks how we might draw nearer to God through the role of parenting, seeing it as a sacred role, while also recognizing how hard and mundane it can be some days.
This is a book that I'll be returning to again and again in the coming years.
July 14, 2016
If you believe yourself to be spiritual or seeking and have young children, this is a wonderful read. The author is Jewish, but references a variety of faiths. It hits home, is attainable and the author speaks from a real and even raw perspective. It's both enlightening and reassuring for a parent in the midst of the early years of their journey.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews