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Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic Culture
A guide to help parents teach their daughters to resist negative cultural messages.
Never before have adolescent girls faced so many confusing and contradictory expectations. From a young age, popular culture teaches girls that their worth is based on their appearance, their ability to gain attention, and an ever-increasing accrual of accomplishments. With such unattainable standards, it is no wonder that many girls experience stress, self-doubt, and even mental health problems. Girls struggle to develop an authentic sense of self, even as they attempt to meet a set of impossible cultural expectations.
Many parents feel helpless against the onslaught of negative influences targeting their daughters, but in Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic Culture, Laura Choate offers a message of reassurance. This book provides parents with a set of straightforward tools they can use to help their daughters navigate the trials and demands of contemporary girlhood. Choate draws upon years of research and counseling literature to teach parents how to instill the power of resilience in their daughters, including developing a positive body image, maintaining healthy relationships with friends and romantic partners, and navigating high-pressure academic environments. Based on cutting-edge research, this book contains the strategies that parents need to prepare their daughters with the life skills they need to resist destructive cultural influences.
Though the journey through modern girlhood may be complicated - and even treacherous - this guide offers a user-friendly way for parents to help their daughters thrive in the midst of the negative pressures of modern culture. Practical and engaging, Swimming Upstream is a must-read for parents of girls of all ages.
Never before have adolescent girls faced so many confusing and contradictory expectations. From a young age, popular culture teaches girls that their worth is based on their appearance, their ability to gain attention, and an ever-increasing accrual of accomplishments. With such unattainable standards, it is no wonder that many girls experience stress, self-doubt, and even mental health problems. Girls struggle to develop an authentic sense of self, even as they attempt to meet a set of impossible cultural expectations.
Many parents feel helpless against the onslaught of negative influences targeting their daughters, but in Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic Culture, Laura Choate offers a message of reassurance. This book provides parents with a set of straightforward tools they can use to help their daughters navigate the trials and demands of contemporary girlhood. Choate draws upon years of research and counseling literature to teach parents how to instill the power of resilience in their daughters, including developing a positive body image, maintaining healthy relationships with friends and romantic partners, and navigating high-pressure academic environments. Based on cutting-edge research, this book contains the strategies that parents need to prepare their daughters with the life skills they need to resist destructive cultural influences.
Though the journey through modern girlhood may be complicated - and even treacherous - this guide offers a user-friendly way for parents to help their daughters thrive in the midst of the negative pressures of modern culture. Practical and engaging, Swimming Upstream is a must-read for parents of girls of all ages.
- GenresParenting
304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2015
11 people are currently reading
132 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
October 16, 2022
The topic itself was important, but I don't like the way she treated it. Every small thing seems to be set out to get you, and she puts a lot of blame on society in general as opposed to focusing on practical ways of building up a girl's confidence and resiliency. Most of the advice was avoid this or avoid that, and there was a lot of ranty complaining and pearl clutching in general.
Society is the way it is, and I need ways to deal with it head-on. I need witty comebacks, self love techniques, a list of clothing stores selling clothes that don't sexualize children, behaviours I can model for my child... but 80% of the book is spent whining. Some of it is justified, but if you don't like a shirt with a saying on it, just don't buy that shirt?
Society is the way it is, and I need ways to deal with it head-on. I need witty comebacks, self love techniques, a list of clothing stores selling clothes that don't sexualize children, behaviours I can model for my child... but 80% of the book is spent whining. Some of it is justified, but if you don't like a shirt with a saying on it, just don't buy that shirt?
October 7, 2015
Swimming upstream is a well written and thorough resource for parents guiding their daughters through puberty. Although the author does go on a few soapbox rants (e.g., body image and Barbie), most of the book is extremely useful and informative. For me, the best aspect of this book is that there were quite a few areas that made opening a dialogue with my daughter quick and easy. In discussing them with my 12 year old, I hope she will have the knowledge and confidence to avoid many of the pitfalls of middle school.
The book breaks down into two parts: the first explaining the world into which our girls are emerging and then part two on how to deal with that world. Topics include: appearance, attention, accomplishments: toxic cultural expectations for today’s girls; girls in transition; vulnerable girls and common mental health issues; parenting from your inner core; developing a positive body image; cultivating healthy relationships, keeping success in perspective; charting a life course.
A strong focus in the book is vulnerability due to insecurity: especially body image and ‘frenemies’. Cultural norms such as having to be perfect, suppress emotions like anger, vicious backbiting and underhandedness by supposed friends, and unrealistic expectations that girls can’t possibly meet confuse and confound new teens. Drugs, mental issues, and dangerous relationships with boys often have a common source in that insecurity. The book aims to give girls a strong foundation upon which to develop resilience and strength.
I’ve read quite a few books on the topic now and I found Swimming Upstream to be surprisingly useful. It’s rare that I want to read a book near my daughter so we can discuss various examples or topics – but this book definitely encouraged that interaction. Especially since there were so many topics covered that are already bothering her in 6th grade: friendship problems, girls changing, and expectations in her social circles constantly morphing.
I feel like I have armed my daughter with the ability to make better decisions and not let media/friends/etc. devastate her self-esteem. As well, I can help her recognize toxic situations, messages, and friends – and give advice but let her navigate the tricky middle grade years.
In all, this is definitely an excellent book. A few rants aside, smoothly written and highly useful. Reviewed from an advance reader copy provided by the publisher.
The book breaks down into two parts: the first explaining the world into which our girls are emerging and then part two on how to deal with that world. Topics include: appearance, attention, accomplishments: toxic cultural expectations for today’s girls; girls in transition; vulnerable girls and common mental health issues; parenting from your inner core; developing a positive body image; cultivating healthy relationships, keeping success in perspective; charting a life course.
A strong focus in the book is vulnerability due to insecurity: especially body image and ‘frenemies’. Cultural norms such as having to be perfect, suppress emotions like anger, vicious backbiting and underhandedness by supposed friends, and unrealistic expectations that girls can’t possibly meet confuse and confound new teens. Drugs, mental issues, and dangerous relationships with boys often have a common source in that insecurity. The book aims to give girls a strong foundation upon which to develop resilience and strength.
I’ve read quite a few books on the topic now and I found Swimming Upstream to be surprisingly useful. It’s rare that I want to read a book near my daughter so we can discuss various examples or topics – but this book definitely encouraged that interaction. Especially since there were so many topics covered that are already bothering her in 6th grade: friendship problems, girls changing, and expectations in her social circles constantly morphing.
I feel like I have armed my daughter with the ability to make better decisions and not let media/friends/etc. devastate her self-esteem. As well, I can help her recognize toxic situations, messages, and friends – and give advice but let her navigate the tricky middle grade years.
In all, this is definitely an excellent book. A few rants aside, smoothly written and highly useful. Reviewed from an advance reader copy provided by the publisher.
January 13, 2020
Really terrible book that is part of the toxic culture that it’s preaching against. Some of the “practical” advice offered is to provide adult guidance to your 20-something daughter since she won’t be able to deal logically with her problems because of her irrational emotions. And don’t be fooled if it sounds like she is talking rationally! As soon as a boy is the one talking to her, she’ll resort to her emotional state and make bad decisions. Cuz she’s a girl.
Made me want to barf!
Made me want to barf!
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February 27, 2024read this whole book for my capstone but i really only needed like two chapters.. so idk what that says about me because i do not have a daughter nor do i plan on raising one any time soon.
some of y'alls moms need to read this book though
some of y'alls moms need to read this book though
Want to read
April 16, 2021Note: I received a digital review copy of this book from the publisher through NetGalley.
November 22, 2015
Girls these days have a lot to live up to. Not only does society harbor the impression that girls ought to be bright, thin, beautiful, thin, hot, sexy, and strong yet soft and feminine. They need to be divas, yet be liked. They should exude kindness, but still "get ahead." The world gives our girls a lot of contradictory images to uphold and it's no wonder we falter in supporting them. Laura Choate, therapist and mother to a daughter (and son), has taken it upon herself to present a balanced approach to parenting a daughter in this so-called "toxic culture," this concept of "swimming upstream."
Because of these seemingly unattainable standards, many girls experience stress, anxiety, eating disorders, self-doubt, depression, and even suicidal ideation. Presented in an academic style, Choate draws upon years of research in a meta-analysis-like approach, yet is delivered in a manner motivated parents can access.
You'll find fabulous text boxes with activities you can try (discuss) with you daughter, as well as self-reflection activities for the kind of parent of a daughter (particularly through those tween and teen years). Topics covered: developing a positive body image, healthy relationships (not just romantic--but with friends and family, too), as well as navigating high pressure academic environments, too.
SWIMMING UPSTREAM is an important book for concerned parents to give their daughters the best possible teen years.
For all of my reviews, including author interviews, please see: www.leslielindsay.com
Because of these seemingly unattainable standards, many girls experience stress, anxiety, eating disorders, self-doubt, depression, and even suicidal ideation. Presented in an academic style, Choate draws upon years of research in a meta-analysis-like approach, yet is delivered in a manner motivated parents can access.
You'll find fabulous text boxes with activities you can try (discuss) with you daughter, as well as self-reflection activities for the kind of parent of a daughter (particularly through those tween and teen years). Topics covered: developing a positive body image, healthy relationships (not just romantic--but with friends and family, too), as well as navigating high pressure academic environments, too.
SWIMMING UPSTREAM is an important book for concerned parents to give their daughters the best possible teen years.
For all of my reviews, including author interviews, please see: www.leslielindsay.com
September 27, 2015
In Compliance with FTC guidelines, you all should know I got this E-arc for free from NetGalley but am not obligated in any way to post a positive review--just an honest one.
When I was pregnant and heard we were having a girl, I cried. In my defense my logical reasoning skills were not at their highest and my hormones were definitely out of control. But I was thinking about what huge responsibility a girl is. I would have to teach her to love herself and question what society and the media says about her worth when I still had my own lessons to learn in those subjects. I enjoyed reading this because the author seemed to really understand pregnant-me's panic. She offered studies and suggested observations that should be done "as if you were an alien doing a study". And it helped. As I read I got the sense not so much of a research book, but that I was getting calm advice from a trusted friend. I did only get the E-arc, but I'll definitely be buying the physical copy for my shelves.
When I was pregnant and heard we were having a girl, I cried. In my defense my logical reasoning skills were not at their highest and my hormones were definitely out of control. But I was thinking about what huge responsibility a girl is. I would have to teach her to love herself and question what society and the media says about her worth when I still had my own lessons to learn in those subjects. I enjoyed reading this because the author seemed to really understand pregnant-me's panic. She offered studies and suggested observations that should be done "as if you were an alien doing a study". And it helped. As I read I got the sense not so much of a research book, but that I was getting calm advice from a trusted friend. I did only get the E-arc, but I'll definitely be buying the physical copy for my shelves.
January 19, 2025
Laura Choate’s "Swimming Upstream" doesn’t necessarily present ideas that are brand new, but its brilliance lies in how profoundly and clearly she connects the dots. This book is a must-read for anyone raising a daughter, offering a comprehensive and compassionate roadmap to help girls navigate today’s often toxic cultural landscape.
Choate delves into the pervasive pressures of social media, unrealistic beauty standards, and the impact of a high-achievement culture, all while balancing this with practical strategies for fostering resilience, self-worth, and emotional well-being. It’s one thing to be aware of these challenges as a parent, but Choate’s ability to lay it all out in an accessible and actionable way makes this book an invaluable resource.
If you have a daughter or work with young girls, "Swimming Upstream" is essential reading. It’s a call to action and a guide for creating a healthier, more supportive environment for the next generation.
Choate delves into the pervasive pressures of social media, unrealistic beauty standards, and the impact of a high-achievement culture, all while balancing this with practical strategies for fostering resilience, self-worth, and emotional well-being. It’s one thing to be aware of these challenges as a parent, but Choate’s ability to lay it all out in an accessible and actionable way makes this book an invaluable resource.
If you have a daughter or work with young girls, "Swimming Upstream" is essential reading. It’s a call to action and a guide for creating a healthier, more supportive environment for the next generation.
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December 15, 2015Growing up has always been tough, but for girls today, it’s getting even harder, says author and counselor Laura Choate. The pressure to be sexy, smart and popular is hurting modern girls, says the LSU professor in her new book, “Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic Culture.” Read more: http://theadvocate.com/features/peopl...
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews