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Don't Call It Love: Breaking the Cycle of Relationship Dependency
"You complete me" may be a romantic line in a popular movie, but it's not a healthy basis for a real relationship. Unfortunately, many people are drawn into relationships that are unfulfilling precisely because they are looking to other people to fill in the places where they are lacking--they are looking for a person who will "complete" them. At the heart of relationship dependency is a person's belief that he or she alone is not enough. But using others to provide wholeness simply does not work, because while we are made to be relationship dependent, it is God we must turn to in order to find wholeness.In a warm, engaging style, Drs. Jantz and Clinton walk readers through patterns of relationship dependency, helping them unravel why they are drawn back to the same dry well of unfulfilled relationships over and over again. Readers will discover how to break the cycle, banish their fears, and find wholeness in the God who designed them to be in relationship first and foremost with him, thus freeing them to find healthy relationships with others. Includes a twelve-week personal recovery plan.
226 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 25, 2015
24 people are currently reading
284 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
October 28, 2015
"Don't Call It Love" is a book that describes relationship dependency and how to break that cycle. I've had difficultly understanding why a teenager I mentor seems to seek out chaotic, emotional roller coaster relationships. This book did help me understand where she's coming from, but it's intended to be read by someone who needs help rather than someone who wants to help. The overall tone of the book was encouraging and hopeful.
The majority of the book was a series of questions, lists, and descriptions relating to relationship dependency. The authors described various traits of relationship dependency, the 8-phase addicted-to-relationships cycle, and the fears that drive this behavior. They explored how emotional and spiritual abuse contributes to relationship dependency. (Spiritual abuse is when someone deliberately uses God's approval--and this someone "speaks" for God--to control another person.) They also explained how brain chemistry can reinforce bad patterns of behavior, how this can be retrained, and various attachment styles.
Finally, they talked about the truths you need to know to replace the lies that feed relationship dependency. The authors are Christians, so these truths are based on Biblical truths. This included more questions and lists, but these showed how knowing the truth changes the answers that you might have previously given. They also included a 12 week recovery plan that gives a prayer, Bible verse, the truth learned from that verse, and actions to take that week.
The book gently helps the reader to recognize and admit unhealthy relationship patterns in their lives and encourages them to want something better. I think it'd help someone frustrated with their relationships.
I received an ebook review copy of this book from the publisher through NetGalley.
The majority of the book was a series of questions, lists, and descriptions relating to relationship dependency. The authors described various traits of relationship dependency, the 8-phase addicted-to-relationships cycle, and the fears that drive this behavior. They explored how emotional and spiritual abuse contributes to relationship dependency. (Spiritual abuse is when someone deliberately uses God's approval--and this someone "speaks" for God--to control another person.) They also explained how brain chemistry can reinforce bad patterns of behavior, how this can be retrained, and various attachment styles.
Finally, they talked about the truths you need to know to replace the lies that feed relationship dependency. The authors are Christians, so these truths are based on Biblical truths. This included more questions and lists, but these showed how knowing the truth changes the answers that you might have previously given. They also included a 12 week recovery plan that gives a prayer, Bible verse, the truth learned from that verse, and actions to take that week.
The book gently helps the reader to recognize and admit unhealthy relationship patterns in their lives and encourages them to want something better. I think it'd help someone frustrated with their relationships.
I received an ebook review copy of this book from the publisher through NetGalley.
November 8, 2018
Anyone else find the exercises in this book are depressing to do?
November 17, 2018
This is a book that deals with the relationship dependency and how to break free from it.
From the psychological side - brilliant. SPOT ON. Hits close to home many, many times. I gained enormously from reading practically all the chapters.
I thought this would be a book about different topic - but I am thankful for reading exactly what I have read.
But while I understand and agree that the spiritual healing is the only solution and I am going to do the 12 weeks way proposed in the end of the book, I would love more of the psychological solutions related to the healing. Might be because I am the learning type and love to have the (many) information - but still, I love to have them. These two authors are too gifted and seasoned psychologists to not to offer some wisdom to the real work.
But maybe this is the aim? To not to be given the another tool to be leaned to instead of leaning to the one's self and soul? Maybe and we will see!
Anyway - recommended read. Not easy! But recommended.
From the psychological side - brilliant. SPOT ON. Hits close to home many, many times. I gained enormously from reading practically all the chapters.
I thought this would be a book about different topic - but I am thankful for reading exactly what I have read.
But while I understand and agree that the spiritual healing is the only solution and I am going to do the 12 weeks way proposed in the end of the book, I would love more of the psychological solutions related to the healing. Might be because I am the learning type and love to have the (many) information - but still, I love to have them. These two authors are too gifted and seasoned psychologists to not to offer some wisdom to the real work.
But maybe this is the aim? To not to be given the another tool to be leaned to instead of leaning to the one's self and soul? Maybe and we will see!
Anyway - recommended read. Not easy! But recommended.
December 29, 2024
As an atheist i see the ending of this bool very unpleasant. Recovery thrue the faith? What a bs
June 2, 2016
Incredibly helpful and eye-opening.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews