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Badger
C. M. McKenna’s compelling voice has earned a devoted audience and multiple awards for her erotic fiction. Her page-turning literary debut, Badger, disturbs and titillates with the story of a recovering pill addict whose compulsive fascination with a Boston antihero spirals out of control.
Nearly twelve months sober, Adrian Birch feels like a nobody. But when her wrist is broken in a hit-and-run accident, she’s avenged by the Badger, a secretive street vigilante. Instantly obsessed, Adrian takes to staging suicide and constructing chance meetings to get his attention. Their resulting affair is harsh and needy, wrought with McKenna’s signature dark eroticism—until the connection gets out of hand and ignites the violent passions of the city.
Nearly twelve months sober, Adrian Birch feels like a nobody. But when her wrist is broken in a hit-and-run accident, she’s avenged by the Badger, a secretive street vigilante. Instantly obsessed, Adrian takes to staging suicide and constructing chance meetings to get his attention. Their resulting affair is harsh and needy, wrought with McKenna’s signature dark eroticism—until the connection gets out of hand and ignites the violent passions of the city.
526 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 31, 2015
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September 8, 2015
4.5 stars. Review posted September 8, 2015.
The first page of Badger started off deceptively humorous, with the uterine wallflower, Adrian Birch, narrating:
My name is Adrian Birch, and I'm nobody.
Don't mind me. Carry on doing your somebody things. I'll just be over here, taking up as little space as possible. No, really. I like it this way. This is how it's always been.
The best way to explain my childhood would be to have you imagine a kid's painting. Picture a rainbow --- red, orange, yellow, green, blue purple. Add some grass if you want, a big-ass happy sun. Now add a small, muddy blob in the lower right, a toadstool or a rock. That's me. The rainbow is my sister, Amanda. You look at our family and you see the blinding, beautiful rainbow and go, "Wow, just look at that!" Then you spot the blob and say, "Oh, did your brush drip? Never mind, we'll cover that with a fridge magnet."
Rest assured that this story did a complete 180 soon enough -- from humorous to disturbing.
This fucked-up mess of a story probably needs its own category because shelving it under "erotica" doesn't really do it justice, IMO. It is...
Humorous in places.
Poignant.
Visceral.
Raw.
Edgy.
Gloomy.
Fascinating and shocking all at once.
Compelling.
Scary.
Ugly. Very ugly, that is.
An emotional wreck.
"Some anonymous asshole had shot a hole through my safe place's head and skull-fucked the security right out of it."
I don't like spicy meals. However, I really do love my extra spice in my reads just fine. I also like different. And Badger is the equivalent to both, extra spiced and all the way different from my common romance novels. Badger is not romance at all and when some readers categorize this as erotica, then I tend to disagree. I know, I'm guilty as charged because I put this book on my erotica shelf also (due to the amount of sex scenes, that is). But, reading those sex scenes didn't really feel erotic, at least not to me. More often than not I felt pretty much turned off. That's actually no surprise because I'm definitely not a pain-freak and don't get off on the sick stuff that Badger is into. Honestly, some of it was downright gross.
"Are you going to make me close my eyes again when we leave here?"
Badger shrugged. "Nah. Be kinda rude to fuck you, then act like you don't get to know where I live."
Ah, chivalry.
Kudos to author Cara McKenna who wrote a really likable yet flawed heroine whose character evolved from the first to the last page of her story. Adrian actually had a happy childhood and a really nice family. A recovering pill addict, she's struggling with her life and is on the lookout for a decent job that will pay her bills. Although this proves to be difficult due to her We see a woman who hesitates and doubts. But we also see a woman grow over the course of time; someone who can take it and dish it out. Someone who falls Someone who acts meekly and ends up being much more courageous and decisive than she ever thought she could be.
I'd met a man, let him cleave the apathy and apology from my spine, got pushed away half-healed and taught to push in return.
With this disturbing and sad story, McKenna hits her readers where it really hurts -- right into your heart and in case you're still in fighting mood, lingering on your knees and giving your damnedest to not accept the inevitable, you can be sure that she's going to knock you on your ass by pummeling your gut again and again. Come to think of it, methinks that one has to be a pain-freak to endure this story after all.
Don't doubt me because some of this repulsive shit might be shocking the living daylights out of you. Still, I wouldn't go so far and say that she did it for the sake of horrifying her readers. Even without digging particularly deep, I could see and feel something essential: McKenna made this reading experience bearable for me because I neither could escape her haunting words nor her insistent voice which is different from what I was used to from her in the past. All the same, her deadpan humor, her wit and the thoughtful way she handles the written word beautified an otherwise very disturbing story.
"Not much. People there don't piss me off as much as I like."
"Don't say 'piss,'" Barbara cut in, still not looking up.
"People there don't urinate me off as much," Badger corrected dryly.
"Don't be smart."
Badger is a psychotic vigilante masochist who avenges littering in Boston by shooting paintballs at the ignorant perpetrators. However, decent and common characteristics like love, affection, respect or civility are a foreign concept to him. He doesn't do his "policing" out of true love for the citizens of Boston. Badger doesn't even care about them. His self-proclaimed assholery is getting a nice kick out of being selfish, and shooting paintballs at those undiscerning perpetrators is a means to living out his bottomless anger. It's a simple fact that Badger enjoys to punish, whether that's himself or littering citizens. It goes without saying that any shrink would have a complete field day with Badger.
Badger sighed. "This is all nice. Which is great if you're into 'nice,' and I'm not."
"Oh." I must have been the portrait of abject disappointment, because he laughed. He took my good hand and rubbed my knuckles.
"Listen. You're as cute as a kitten taking a shit on a moonbeam, but a crush doesn't get me hard. Kissing doesn't get me hard. Pleasure doesn't get me hard."
"What does?"
"Conflict. Pain. Takes a lot for me to feel anything. Except rage -- I'm real good at rage. But everything else…" He shrugged against the pillow, looking pensive a moment before saying, "You're a nice girl."
I sighed. "Too nice."
"Too nice to let me talk you into
This being said, I didn't really get to know Badger intimately. I only got a fleeting glance at his his mental disorder as a grown man that he constantly carried around with him with unapologetic honesty. His unparalleled fuck-me attitude was astounding and shocking all at once. Then again, given his background it shouldn't have come as a surprise. Yet beyond all that, he remained somewhat of a mystery to me because he was quite sparse about handing out any substantial information about himself. He wasn't the affectionate, well-mannered guy even though when he wasn't a shithead, he was actually really likable, a nice guy, when he…I wanted to write "chose to be", though that's the wrong term. I think he wasn't able to really choose. He couldn't even control it because he was so messed up mentally. Although
Adrian wanted to know what happened to Badger when he was a kid. Well, she was quick to say she didn't want to know more when he started to lay it out to her…
Reading Badger made me inevitably Was he ready and, more importantly, I don't think so. He had a lot of antagonism and rage built-up in him. I felt pity for a man who couldn't feel love or affection. A totally damaged and messed up pain-freak who heaved the term of dysfunctional on a whole new level. So while this story made me sad, I'm Thus I think the story's resolution is very honest and realistic. (I hope so). But all in due time.
Minor quibbles
If my word count is accurate, then the heroine made use of the annoying term um 33 times. Also, I think the story could have been tighter. 513 pages really pushed the limits, IMO.
If you think you can handle the subject matter and the story's resolution, then I'd say go for it. Really, it's all yours! Looking at Cara McKenna's top-notch writing, at the quality of this story even though it's so painful and somber, I'd say that Badger might be the very best she has written to date. I hope that McKenna is going to broaden and challenge our horizons more often in the future.
Recommended read.
Warning
Badger contains explicit and very kinky sex that will probably make you uncomfortable (I wouldn't categorize it as BDSM though). There is plenty of strong language, some violence however, is a subject matter that is "only" talked about not shown.
The first page of Badger started off deceptively humorous, with the uterine wallflower, Adrian Birch, narrating:
My name is Adrian Birch, and I'm nobody.
Don't mind me. Carry on doing your somebody things. I'll just be over here, taking up as little space as possible. No, really. I like it this way. This is how it's always been.
The best way to explain my childhood would be to have you imagine a kid's painting. Picture a rainbow --- red, orange, yellow, green, blue purple. Add some grass if you want, a big-ass happy sun. Now add a small, muddy blob in the lower right, a toadstool or a rock. That's me. The rainbow is my sister, Amanda. You look at our family and you see the blinding, beautiful rainbow and go, "Wow, just look at that!" Then you spot the blob and say, "Oh, did your brush drip? Never mind, we'll cover that with a fridge magnet."
Rest assured that this story did a complete 180 soon enough -- from humorous to disturbing.
This fucked-up mess of a story probably needs its own category because shelving it under "erotica" doesn't really do it justice, IMO. It is...
Humorous in places.
Poignant.
Visceral.
Raw.
Edgy.
Gloomy.
Fascinating and shocking all at once.
Compelling.
Scary.
Ugly. Very ugly, that is.
An emotional wreck.
"Some anonymous asshole had shot a hole through my safe place's head and skull-fucked the security right out of it."
I don't like spicy meals. However, I really do love my extra spice in my reads just fine. I also like different. And Badger is the equivalent to both, extra spiced and all the way different from my common romance novels. Badger is not romance at all and when some readers categorize this as erotica, then I tend to disagree. I know, I'm guilty as charged because I put this book on my erotica shelf also (due to the amount of sex scenes, that is). But, reading those sex scenes didn't really feel erotic, at least not to me. More often than not I felt pretty much turned off. That's actually no surprise because I'm definitely not a pain-freak and don't get off on the sick stuff that Badger is into. Honestly, some of it was downright gross.
"Are you going to make me close my eyes again when we leave here?"
Badger shrugged. "Nah. Be kinda rude to fuck you, then act like you don't get to know where I live."
Ah, chivalry.
Kudos to author Cara McKenna who wrote a really likable yet flawed heroine whose character evolved from the first to the last page of her story. Adrian actually had a happy childhood and a really nice family. A recovering pill addict, she's struggling with her life and is on the lookout for a decent job that will pay her bills. Although this proves to be difficult due to her We see a woman who hesitates and doubts. But we also see a woman grow over the course of time; someone who can take it and dish it out. Someone who falls Someone who acts meekly and ends up being much more courageous and decisive than she ever thought she could be.
I'd met a man, let him cleave the apathy and apology from my spine, got pushed away half-healed and taught to push in return.
With this disturbing and sad story, McKenna hits her readers where it really hurts -- right into your heart and in case you're still in fighting mood, lingering on your knees and giving your damnedest to not accept the inevitable, you can be sure that she's going to knock you on your ass by pummeling your gut again and again. Come to think of it, methinks that one has to be a pain-freak to endure this story after all.
Don't doubt me because some of this repulsive shit might be shocking the living daylights out of you. Still, I wouldn't go so far and say that she did it for the sake of horrifying her readers. Even without digging particularly deep, I could see and feel something essential: McKenna made this reading experience bearable for me because I neither could escape her haunting words nor her insistent voice which is different from what I was used to from her in the past. All the same, her deadpan humor, her wit and the thoughtful way she handles the written word beautified an otherwise very disturbing story.
"Not much. People there don't piss me off as much as I like."
"Don't say 'piss,'" Barbara cut in, still not looking up.
"People there don't urinate me off as much," Badger corrected dryly.
"Don't be smart."
Badger is a psychotic vigilante masochist who avenges littering in Boston by shooting paintballs at the ignorant perpetrators. However, decent and common characteristics like love, affection, respect or civility are a foreign concept to him. He doesn't do his "policing" out of true love for the citizens of Boston. Badger doesn't even care about them. His self-proclaimed assholery is getting a nice kick out of being selfish, and shooting paintballs at those undiscerning perpetrators is a means to living out his bottomless anger. It's a simple fact that Badger enjoys to punish, whether that's himself or littering citizens. It goes without saying that any shrink would have a complete field day with Badger.
Badger sighed. "This is all nice. Which is great if you're into 'nice,' and I'm not."
"Oh." I must have been the portrait of abject disappointment, because he laughed. He took my good hand and rubbed my knuckles.
"Listen. You're as cute as a kitten taking a shit on a moonbeam, but a crush doesn't get me hard. Kissing doesn't get me hard. Pleasure doesn't get me hard."
"What does?"
"Conflict. Pain. Takes a lot for me to feel anything. Except rage -- I'm real good at rage. But everything else…" He shrugged against the pillow, looking pensive a moment before saying, "You're a nice girl."
I sighed. "Too nice."
"Too nice to let me talk you into
This being said, I didn't really get to know Badger intimately. I only got a fleeting glance at his his mental disorder as a grown man that he constantly carried around with him with unapologetic honesty. His unparalleled fuck-me attitude was astounding and shocking all at once. Then again, given his background it shouldn't have come as a surprise. Yet beyond all that, he remained somewhat of a mystery to me because he was quite sparse about handing out any substantial information about himself. He wasn't the affectionate, well-mannered guy even though when he wasn't a shithead, he was actually really likable, a nice guy, when he…I wanted to write "chose to be", though that's the wrong term. I think he wasn't able to really choose. He couldn't even control it because he was so messed up mentally. Although
Adrian wanted to know what happened to Badger when he was a kid. Well, she was quick to say she didn't want to know more when he started to lay it out to her…
Reading Badger made me inevitably Was he ready and, more importantly, I don't think so. He had a lot of antagonism and rage built-up in him. I felt pity for a man who couldn't feel love or affection. A totally damaged and messed up pain-freak who heaved the term of dysfunctional on a whole new level. So while this story made me sad, I'm Thus I think the story's resolution is very honest and realistic. (I hope so). But all in due time.
Minor quibbles
If my word count is accurate, then the heroine made use of the annoying term um 33 times. Also, I think the story could have been tighter. 513 pages really pushed the limits, IMO.
If you think you can handle the subject matter and the story's resolution, then I'd say go for it. Really, it's all yours! Looking at Cara McKenna's top-notch writing, at the quality of this story even though it's so painful and somber, I'd say that Badger might be the very best she has written to date. I hope that McKenna is going to broaden and challenge our horizons more often in the future.
Recommended read.
Warning
Badger contains explicit and very kinky sex that will probably make you uncomfortable (I wouldn't categorize it as BDSM though). There is plenty of strong language, some violence however, is a subject matter that is "only" talked about not shown.
February 10, 2017
5 Stars!!
It's no big secret I love this author. I have read all her books, but here’s a little secret, Cara McKenna was my first favorite author here on GR. From the moment I read my first novel from her, I fell in love with her ‘voice’ and her words who made me feel so much every single time. Besides the stellar writing, what I love the most about this author’s books are the characters, who every time are so perfectly imperfect. In my humble opinion, “Badger” is Cara McKenna’s best work to date and definitely one of the best books I have read this year. Needless to say you don’t want to miss this poignant, thought-provoking read.
This book will stay with me for a while. And you know why? Because it was like nothing I have ever read! It was unique, with a captivating premise and I loved every minute of it. Now, I can’t label this book because honestly IMO it can't be labeled.
“Badger” tells the story of a secretive vigilante bicyclist, a man who is pretty famous on all Boston’s streets. He fights violence with violence, shooting paintballs at those who are detestable people. He doesn’t do this out of the kindness of his heart, for humanity. What he does, he does out of hate. He just wants to punish, not to save people.
Adrian Birch is a 27 years old girl who lost herself for two years when she became a Vicodin addict. She was arrested for shoplifting, losing her family’s respect and also her self-respect. After six months in recovery she’s struggling to rebuild her life, trying to improve her confidence and self-esteem and also trying to forgive herself for what she did when she was an addict.
Badger and Adrian meet when the notorious vigilante witnesses how our heroine is getting hit and run by a car avenging the one who did it. He runs and leaves behind, a thankful, yetcurious bewitched Adrian who wants more than anything to find out everything there is to find about this ‘terrifying and hugely compelling’ man. She doesn’t know who he is, how he looks, where he lives or what does he do for a living, so she doesn’t know how to find him. She plots a way of meeting him and from the moment she can put a face to the name she’s drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
She wants to understand him and to figure what he does, who he is and why he become a modern day Batman. But Badger also known as Isaac Belov doesn’t want to be figure out and he certainly doesn’t want to be loved. Isaac insists he can’t have a normal relationship, but their connections seems to grow stronger every time they meet.
Now that’s what I call a refreshing read! Even the cover was somehow refreshing. Not my favorite, but I definitely liked the idea. If you expect some sweet and fluffy read and/or a lovely romance, this is not the book for you. “Badger” was a raw, gritty, at times disturbing or emotional read who was very poetically and beautifully, I could say written novel, who equally put a little smile on my face and left me heartbroken.
Badger/Isaac was such a flawed, scarred character. He has no filter and most of the time he’s an a**hole. His past is more than sad, it’s tragic and my heart broke for this f*cked-up man. He’s screwed in more ways than one and his attitude and/or actions at times will certainly leave your mouth hanging open. Is safe to say, Isaac is not your usual hero. As much as he was a hero, he also was an anti-hero. Anyhow he was a very interesting character. I’m not gonna lie here, his sexual preferences made me cringe a couple of times, but it didn’t stop me sympathize with him. If Badger was cruel a**hole, Isaac was considerate, protective and even kind. I felt so many emotions reading about this sick, flawed, yet enjoyable character. Gah!!
Adrian’s character development was wonderfully done IMO. If at the beginning she’s portrayed as a character with self-esteem and confidence issues, through the end she’s portrayed as a totally changed young woman. Badger/Isaac, their relationship and also certain events changed her in the best way. Cara McKenna not only told the reader that Adrian made some decisions or that she made some plans, she showed the reader how she took action and I loved this fact. IMO this story was Adrian’s story as much as it was Badger/Isaac's story. Needless to say I think “Badger” was also a self-discovery story.
Badger/Isaac and Adrian’s relationship was dysfunctional to say the least. Their connection was there from the beginning and their relationship was…well, nice to read about. I desperately wanted…MORE for our hero/antihero.
The strong storyline coupled with these two flawed characters made this book for me a very entertaining read and I have to say I really enjoyed and also preferred the single POV. That’s a first for me since I usually prefer a dual pov.
If you want something different from your common romance novels, I highly recommend this amazeballs read!
“…we all had split personalities. We’ve got the one we actually present to the world the majority of the time. Then we have the other one, the one who unleashes terrible barrages of disgusting vitriol at the people who piss us off, only in our heads, and fucks whomever it feels like, exactly when and how it wants. In our heads. I bet we all had a Badger in us, an impulse to hurt and punish. We just had some component that kept it caged in exchange for living in civilized society."
It's no big secret I love this author. I have read all her books, but here’s a little secret, Cara McKenna was my first favorite author here on GR. From the moment I read my first novel from her, I fell in love with her ‘voice’ and her words who made me feel so much every single time. Besides the stellar writing, what I love the most about this author’s books are the characters, who every time are so perfectly imperfect. In my humble opinion, “Badger” is Cara McKenna’s best work to date and definitely one of the best books I have read this year. Needless to say you don’t want to miss this poignant, thought-provoking read.
This book will stay with me for a while. And you know why? Because it was like nothing I have ever read! It was unique, with a captivating premise and I loved every minute of it. Now, I can’t label this book because honestly IMO it can't be labeled.
“He had far too many dimensions, far too much to try to capture in something so dumb as a local color piece.”
“Badger” tells the story of a secretive vigilante bicyclist, a man who is pretty famous on all Boston’s streets. He fights violence with violence, shooting paintballs at those who are detestable people. He doesn’t do this out of the kindness of his heart, for humanity. What he does, he does out of hate. He just wants to punish, not to save people.
“My name is Adrian Birch, and I'm nobody.”
Adrian Birch is a 27 years old girl who lost herself for two years when she became a Vicodin addict. She was arrested for shoplifting, losing her family’s respect and also her self-respect. After six months in recovery she’s struggling to rebuild her life, trying to improve her confidence and self-esteem and also trying to forgive herself for what she did when she was an addict.
Badger and Adrian meet when the notorious vigilante witnesses how our heroine is getting hit and run by a car avenging the one who did it. He runs and leaves behind, a thankful, yet
“…with every scrap of information I uncovered, I felt more and more as though he and I were two halves, polarized and separated. And the more I learned, the more sharply I ached to be near him. I wanted to feel and hear the magnetic click as I snapped tight against him, to someone like him. To someone so unlike myself.”
She wants to understand him and to figure what he does, who he is and why he become a modern day Batman. But Badger also known as Isaac Belov doesn’t want to be figure out and he certainly doesn’t want to be loved. Isaac insists he can’t have a normal relationship, but their connections seems to grow stronger every time they meet.
Now that’s what I call a refreshing read! Even the cover was somehow refreshing. Not my favorite, but I definitely liked the idea. If you expect some sweet and fluffy read and/or a lovely romance, this is not the book for you. “Badger” was a raw, gritty, at times disturbing or emotional read who was very poetically and beautifully, I could say written novel, who equally put a little smile on my face and left me heartbroken.
“I wanted to touch him for hours, for days, as long as it took to teach myself to translate his scars.”
Badger/Isaac was such a flawed, scarred character. He has no filter and most of the time he’s an a**hole. His past is more than sad, it’s tragic and my heart broke for this f*cked-up man. He’s screwed in more ways than one and his attitude and/or actions at times will certainly leave your mouth hanging open. Is safe to say, Isaac is not your usual hero. As much as he was a hero, he also was an anti-hero. Anyhow he was a very interesting character. I’m not gonna lie here, his sexual preferences made me cringe a couple of times, but it didn’t stop me sympathize with him. If Badger was cruel a**hole, Isaac was considerate, protective and even kind. I felt so many emotions reading about this sick, flawed, yet enjoyable character. Gah!!
Adrian’s character development was wonderfully done IMO. If at the beginning she’s portrayed as a character with self-esteem and confidence issues, through the end she’s portrayed as a totally changed young woman. Badger/Isaac, their relationship and also certain events changed her in the best way. Cara McKenna not only told the reader that Adrian made some decisions or that she made some plans, she showed the reader how she took action and I loved this fact. IMO this story was Adrian’s story as much as it was Badger/Isaac's story. Needless to say I think “Badger” was also a self-discovery story.
Badger/Isaac and Adrian’s relationship was dysfunctional to say the least. Their connection was there from the beginning and their relationship was…well, nice to read about. I desperately wanted…MORE for our hero/antihero.
The strong storyline coupled with these two flawed characters made this book for me a very entertaining read and I have to say I really enjoyed and also preferred the single POV. That’s a first for me since I usually prefer a dual pov.
If you want something different from your common romance novels, I highly recommend this amazeballs read!
“My name is Adrian Birch, and I used to be nobody. An apologist, a coward.
Then I met a madman on a bicycle and I lost my mind, lost my way, got my heart broken and my head rewired, and woke from a nightmare of my own design, fear gone like an ex-lover I’d never spread my legs for again.”
November 14, 2021
5 STARS
Holy smokes Badger! This book is so well written that I’m eager to try other works by this author as soon as possible. The two main characters are phenomenal, the dialogue amazing, the sex scenes unique and I seriously fell for the mysterious Badger of Boston, hook, line and sinker.
Adrian Birch is struggling to get her life back on track after a two-year fall into the dark world of narcotics use. She’s trying to find a job with her blemished record and the guilt over what she had done to her sister drives her from never really forgiving herself. Her life changes drastically when an accident has her meeting Boston’s bike riding vigilante and she becomes consumed by him. She plots a way of meeting the man in the striped hoodie again and although he’s not what she expects, she can’t get enough of him.
”What I do, I do out of hate, not humanity. Because punishing assholes gets me off – not saving victims. And actually all this…” He cast his gaze around us. “This isn’t doing a fucking thing for me.”
Badger has no filter, he’s rude, angry, and so very damaged. Adrian Birch is so taken by the man in the hoodie and vice versa. The two feel a strange magnetic pull towards one another and both are so perplexed by it. Adrian not only meets with Badger but they begin to have a sexual relationship. Readers be warned our hero is a masochist.
”Give it up. The kind of sex you probably want doesn’t do shit for me. And the kind I want will land you in therapy. Best I can tell, kissing’s a better than not kissing, but if it’s not what you want anymore, then let’s just quit that, too. And if you’re all hot and bothered and horny, tell me how to get you off – I’m happy to oblige. Just don’t expect me to feel the same way.”
The more Adrian discovers about Badger she’s equal parts turned off and turned on by him. Their relationship is unique, funny, scary, sexy, alarming, and heartbreaking. Badger broke my heart and this damaged bad boy is definitely getting a spot on my book boyfriend shelf.
The heroine’s internal dialogue was superbly done and at times pretty funny.
”He might be my boyfriend, I thought. The label felt wrong, like calling a duck you toss bread at a pet. But he was my lover, at any rate. hat was a technical fact, and I be some really really weird, delusional Boston girls would be jealous of me for it.”
The closer Adrian gets to getting her life back on track the further away she becomes to Badger. He insists he can’t have a normal relationship, that he can’t feel love, that he’s not capable of anything that Adrian would need or want.
”I won’t ever love you back,” he said.”
The pull remains so strong throughout the whole story between the hero and the heroine and you can't help but get giddy whenever he appears. Their connection is so very exciting.
If you’re wondering whether the story has a happy ending click on spoiler . I was crushed by so many of the events that unfolded in the story. Regardless of my crushing feelings towards the end, I still hope that Badger has been replaying on a continuous loop in my mind and I'm not sure when I will be free of him or if I even want to be.
“Give up on me, Adrian, for fuck’s sake.”
Holy smokes Badger! This book is so well written that I’m eager to try other works by this author as soon as possible. The two main characters are phenomenal, the dialogue amazing, the sex scenes unique and I seriously fell for the mysterious Badger of Boston, hook, line and sinker.
Adrian Birch is struggling to get her life back on track after a two-year fall into the dark world of narcotics use. She’s trying to find a job with her blemished record and the guilt over what she had done to her sister drives her from never really forgiving herself. Her life changes drastically when an accident has her meeting Boston’s bike riding vigilante and she becomes consumed by him. She plots a way of meeting the man in the striped hoodie again and although he’s not what she expects, she can’t get enough of him.
”What I do, I do out of hate, not humanity. Because punishing assholes gets me off – not saving victims. And actually all this…” He cast his gaze around us. “This isn’t doing a fucking thing for me.”
Badger has no filter, he’s rude, angry, and so very damaged. Adrian Birch is so taken by the man in the hoodie and vice versa. The two feel a strange magnetic pull towards one another and both are so perplexed by it. Adrian not only meets with Badger but they begin to have a sexual relationship. Readers be warned our hero is a masochist.
”Give it up. The kind of sex you probably want doesn’t do shit for me. And the kind I want will land you in therapy. Best I can tell, kissing’s a better than not kissing, but if it’s not what you want anymore, then let’s just quit that, too. And if you’re all hot and bothered and horny, tell me how to get you off – I’m happy to oblige. Just don’t expect me to feel the same way.”
The more Adrian discovers about Badger she’s equal parts turned off and turned on by him. Their relationship is unique, funny, scary, sexy, alarming, and heartbreaking. Badger broke my heart and this damaged bad boy is definitely getting a spot on my book boyfriend shelf.
The heroine’s internal dialogue was superbly done and at times pretty funny.
”He might be my boyfriend, I thought. The label felt wrong, like calling a duck you toss bread at a pet. But he was my lover, at any rate. hat was a technical fact, and I be some really really weird, delusional Boston girls would be jealous of me for it.”
The closer Adrian gets to getting her life back on track the further away she becomes to Badger. He insists he can’t have a normal relationship, that he can’t feel love, that he’s not capable of anything that Adrian would need or want.
”I won’t ever love you back,” he said.”
The pull remains so strong throughout the whole story between the hero and the heroine and you can't help but get giddy whenever he appears. Their connection is so very exciting.
If you’re wondering whether the story has a happy ending click on spoiler . I was crushed by so many of the events that unfolded in the story. Regardless of my crushing feelings towards the end, I still hope that Badger has been replaying on a continuous loop in my mind and I'm not sure when I will be free of him or if I even want to be.
“Give up on me, Adrian, for fuck’s sake.”
December 10, 2015
This is one of those books, I have no idea how to properly review. The writing, the experience, the emotions - simply put I'm inadequate, not the girl for the job, and I'm still recovering, but I will try.
What makes this one of my top reads of the year?
From the start, Badger had me captivated. Badger is an expertly written story, with a unique and original premise, and beautifully flawed characters. This thought-provoking story, was so profound, I doubt I will ever forget Badger. It's gritty and messy, it's damage and heartbreak, and by the time I reached 'The End', black and gray Badger stripes had been seared into my soul.
Adrian Birch is a recovering pill addict, trying to get her life back on track and escape the shadows of her past transgressions. When a reckless driver hits her, she is avenged by Boston's infamous vigilante, The Badger. Adrian becomes obsessed with the mysterious man and sets a plan in motion to meet the man who has been plaguing her thoughts. They meet, and the resulting affair between these two is like nothing I've ever read. Adrian's struggle to understand Badger, and his insistence that his isn't capable of anything normal. Their relationship is dysfunctional and raw, yet I was completely fascinated.
He was so deeply screwed up, no one person, no well-intentioned woman, stood any chance of being enough to make up for everything that had happened to him. Especially not one as unremarkable and flawed as me.
I fear I sound like a melodramatic fangirl, but, Badger stole my heart. A word of warning for my fellow romance lovers, this is not your typical love story, if you can even call it that, honestly I'm not sure what genre this should be classified as, but I felt this story in my bones. I highly recommend this one to anyone not afraid to step out of their comfort zone and get a little messy.
"Sorry I can't. Say it."
November 25, 2015
*** Raw,Gritty,Disturbing,Emotional but definitely one of my top reads this year ***
I don't even know where to start to try and review this book...I read this in just over 24hrs,it was so good I couldn't put it down.
Badger is a vigilante bicyclist in Boston and he first meets Adrian when she has been knocked down by a driver that he avenges for his action.
She becomes obsessed with meeting him and puts into motion a plan to do just that.
There follows a kind of cat and mouse game as they both skirt around each other.
Badger is around 30 and is a truly damaged man after being in the Foster Care system from a young age.He comes across,initially,as an asshole but the more I got into the book the more I loved him.
There are a ton of books out there about characters with disturbed pasts resulting in the person they are today.
But, this is one of the rare books that I could fully appreciate the man he was due to his past.
The abuse he suffered isn't gone into in great detail but enough is told for the reader to truly understand exactly what he suffered.
Adrian is 27 and at a point where she is trying to get her life together after being addicted to a drug.She has always lived her life in the shadows,never wanting to draw attention to herself.
So the game begins....
Badger can only be sexually satisfied by pain being inflicted on him,something that Adrian struggles with but she's willing to try....
I don't know if she consciously thought she could change him and make him love her but he wasn't someone who wanted to change or love.
Badger doesn't understand love...he's never know it and thinks he can't love so he pushes Adrian away...in one of the most heart breaking scenes I've read.But the more he pushes,the stronger Adrian becomes.
This is definitely not a romance and while there are sex scenes I didn't find it erotic and one scene in particular was hard to read.The scene in question is quite shocking in content but I don't think it was included for the 'shock' factor...more for the reader to fully understand the point that Adrian had got to in her involvement with Badger
A lot of reviews have commented on this being dark but I would class it as more disturbing than dark.I find a lot of 'dark' books quite unrealistic but this was totally believable.
The more I read,the more I got the feeling of dread.
But I wouldn't have missed reading this for anything.
An amazing book that just makes you feel.....
They called him the Badger because he was rabid and aggressive,black and grey
I don't even know where to start to try and review this book...I read this in just over 24hrs,it was so good I couldn't put it down.
Badger is a vigilante bicyclist in Boston and he first meets Adrian when she has been knocked down by a driver that he avenges for his action.
She becomes obsessed with meeting him and puts into motion a plan to do just that.
There follows a kind of cat and mouse game as they both skirt around each other.
Badger is around 30 and is a truly damaged man after being in the Foster Care system from a young age.He comes across,initially,as an asshole but the more I got into the book the more I loved him.
There are a ton of books out there about characters with disturbed pasts resulting in the person they are today.
But, this is one of the rare books that I could fully appreciate the man he was due to his past.
The abuse he suffered isn't gone into in great detail but enough is told for the reader to truly understand exactly what he suffered.
Adrian is 27 and at a point where she is trying to get her life together after being addicted to a drug.She has always lived her life in the shadows,never wanting to draw attention to herself.
So the game begins....
Badger can only be sexually satisfied by pain being inflicted on him,something that Adrian struggles with but she's willing to try....
I don't know if she consciously thought she could change him and make him love her but he wasn't someone who wanted to change or love.
"I'm pretty sure I love you"
"I won't ever love you back,"he said
Badger doesn't understand love...he's never know it and thinks he can't love so he pushes Adrian away...in one of the most heart breaking scenes I've read.But the more he pushes,the stronger Adrian becomes.
This is definitely not a romance and while there are sex scenes I didn't find it erotic and one scene in particular was hard to read.The scene in question is quite shocking in content but I don't think it was included for the 'shock' factor...more for the reader to fully understand the point that Adrian had got to in her involvement with Badger
A lot of reviews have commented on this being dark but I would class it as more disturbing than dark.I find a lot of 'dark' books quite unrealistic but this was totally believable.
The more I read,the more I got the feeling of dread.
But I wouldn't have missed reading this for anything.
An amazing book that just makes you feel.....
August 11, 2017
5 ★★★★★ Emotional &Unforgettable Stars
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
Type: Standalone
POV:First Person - Female
This book gawd…This book was just amazing, beautifully written and it broke me till the point that every time I think about it my heart breaks and tears falls all over again and I honestly have no idea if I would ever get over this book. The story was just unforgettable, painful, raw but yet beautiful and incredible.
Adrian Birch has been sober from an awful addiction for almost twelve months now. At age twenty-seven she felt like a nobody and worthless living in the city of Boston. The only support system she had was her twin sister and her parents but she felt like a burden to them and wanted to do good for them to prove she can handle real life without the addiction that was drowning her life.
Her life takes a big change when one day she meets Badger a vigilante bicyclist in Boston. She becomes obsessed with him. This guy was harsh and dark which made her more obsessed towards him and she wanted to do anything to get his attention even if that meant faking a false suicide. Everything about this mysterious guy speaks danger; he even had a blogger’s fan made website that idolized him for what he was doing. He was in his own twisted way protecting the city of Boston with his bicycle and taking bad people down and bringing justice into his own hands. When Adrian finally caught “Badger’s” attention they both felt this pull that kept drawing them together. It was just something they both couldn’t control.
Ok so he is definitely not gently at all and he is not even sorry for it he has never had relationships and never let anyone in so talking to Adrian was a new thing for him. Adrian didn’t seem to mind she wanted to know him more because she was having the same feelings for him. I loved Adrian so much on this book because she was having real life issues; she was learning how to be a survivor of a drug addiction and going through an everyday struggle. I feel like Badger with his fucked up history was an inspiration to her.
Adrian and Badger build up a strange relationship; she didn’t know what to call it; her not but now boyfriend?! But a relationship none the less. Badger had a horrible and sad past that pains me so much to think about it. He grew up with no mother to be there and protect him. His nightmares and past was so horrible Adrian wanted to save him so bad but there was no cure for him; for the way he was. She finally understood it but that didn’t changed the fact that she hurt for him. Even with a horrible past Badger had never opened up to anyone and Adrian knew deep in her heart she was the only person he had ever felt anything for even if he couldn’t say it.
While they were together Adrian realized no matter what; Isaac couldn’t be fixed but she still wanted him. Until it was too much for her she just couldn’t give him what he needed and he knew he couldn’t be what she wanted him to be. He told her to be strong to follow her dreams and be happy doing what she wanted and was good at and not just anything. Badger run the streets of Boston protecting people from danger just because it was a natural thing for him to do regardless of the consequences but he was smart too. He was fast and was not afraid that was something he lost so long ago he was never afraid.
Adrian ended up separating herself from Isaac but she still wanted to protect him from the police they wanted to bring him down and she was going to do anything to make sure Badger was ok. Even if he couldn’t love her the way she wanted him to; that didn’t mean she couldn’t join the fan group and help him from the sidelines. Badger found out it was her running the town’s revolution to protect her and tried to stop her. The events building up to the end of this revolution was crazy, left me breathless, speechless and in awe. I had so much excitement for what Adrian and Badger’s fans were doing but at the same time that ending just freaking gutted me till no end. Badger is a story that will stay with you forever, it’s funny, sad, heartbreaking but just amazingly beautiful at the same time.
To all my romance lover readers if you want to know if this book has HEA open spoiler. Because this was me while reading/ when I finished reading/ while writing review/ and still two weeks later I’m a mess and probably will always be when I think of this book. But I regret nothing, that’s what makes it unforgettable for me.
This song will always remind me of Badger always and forever and I will cry every time I listen to it haha
BREATH By Breaking Benjamin
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
Type: Standalone
POV:First Person - Female
“He was very human behind all the animal mannerisms. Very human and very, very screwed up.” Adrian
This book gawd…This book was just amazing, beautifully written and it broke me till the point that every time I think about it my heart breaks and tears falls all over again and I honestly have no idea if I would ever get over this book. The story was just unforgettable, painful, raw but yet beautiful and incredible.
Adrian Birch has been sober from an awful addiction for almost twelve months now. At age twenty-seven she felt like a nobody and worthless living in the city of Boston. The only support system she had was her twin sister and her parents but she felt like a burden to them and wanted to do good for them to prove she can handle real life without the addiction that was drowning her life.
Her life takes a big change when one day she meets Badger a vigilante bicyclist in Boston. She becomes obsessed with him. This guy was harsh and dark which made her more obsessed towards him and she wanted to do anything to get his attention even if that meant faking a false suicide. Everything about this mysterious guy speaks danger; he even had a blogger’s fan made website that idolized him for what he was doing. He was in his own twisted way protecting the city of Boston with his bicycle and taking bad people down and bringing justice into his own hands. When Adrian finally caught “Badger’s” attention they both felt this pull that kept drawing them together. It was just something they both couldn’t control.
“I get that, too. Like a magnet.” Adrian
Ok so he is definitely not gently at all and he is not even sorry for it he has never had relationships and never let anyone in so talking to Adrian was a new thing for him. Adrian didn’t seem to mind she wanted to know him more because she was having the same feelings for him. I loved Adrian so much on this book because she was having real life issues; she was learning how to be a survivor of a drug addiction and going through an everyday struggle. I feel like Badger with his fucked up history was an inspiration to her.
Adrian and Badger build up a strange relationship; she didn’t know what to call it; her not but now boyfriend?! But a relationship none the less. Badger had a horrible and sad past that pains me so much to think about it. He grew up with no mother to be there and protect him. His nightmares and past was so horrible Adrian wanted to save him so bad but there was no cure for him; for the way he was. She finally understood it but that didn’t changed the fact that she hurt for him. Even with a horrible past Badger had never opened up to anyone and Adrian knew deep in her heart she was the only person he had ever felt anything for even if he couldn’t say it.
“I wondered why I wanted him so much, when he’s never even admitted he liked me…” Adrian
While they were together Adrian realized no matter what; Isaac couldn’t be fixed but she still wanted him. Until it was too much for her she just couldn’t give him what he needed and he knew he couldn’t be what she wanted him to be. He told her to be strong to follow her dreams and be happy doing what she wanted and was good at and not just anything. Badger run the streets of Boston protecting people from danger just because it was a natural thing for him to do regardless of the consequences but he was smart too. He was fast and was not afraid that was something he lost so long ago he was never afraid.
“Give up on me, Adrian, for fuck’s sake…I won’t ever love you back,” he said.”
Adrian ended up separating herself from Isaac but she still wanted to protect him from the police they wanted to bring him down and she was going to do anything to make sure Badger was ok. Even if he couldn’t love her the way she wanted him to; that didn’t mean she couldn’t join the fan group and help him from the sidelines. Badger found out it was her running the town’s revolution to protect her and tried to stop her. The events building up to the end of this revolution was crazy, left me breathless, speechless and in awe. I had so much excitement for what Adrian and Badger’s fans were doing but at the same time that ending just freaking gutted me till no end. Badger is a story that will stay with you forever, it’s funny, sad, heartbreaking but just amazingly beautiful at the same time.
To all my romance lover readers if you want to know if this book has HEA open spoiler. Because this was me while reading/ when I finished reading/ while writing review/ and still two weeks later I’m a mess and probably will always be when I think of this book. But I regret nothing, that’s what makes it unforgettable for me.
This song will always remind me of Badger always and forever and I will cry every time I listen to it haha
BREATH By Breaking Benjamin
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
October 17, 2015
"I felt as if I was standing next to a celebrity, an angel, my grubby cut-rate Christ."
Well then! I honestly wasn't expecting this book to take the direction it took when I started reading it. I mean, what should I have expected when all I new going in was that the "hero" was a vigilante and the heroine a recovering addict? I ad visions of an obsessive relationship (mainly from the hero...sorry I can't help myself) ensuing, some smutty scenes and wait for it an epic romance! Shoot me, I'm a romantic So obviously it really didn't turn out like that.
From the moment Adrian and Badger meet, they feel this invisible rope tugging them together. For Adrian, an reluctant romantic, it's like she can finally focus her addictive personality on something other than the Vicodin she was hooked on and for Badger, well I can't really say anything convincing about the guy because I don't think I really understood his character... and not in a bad way. I was at a disadvantage when I started reading this book is told completely from Adrian's POV. So when I though that Badger was a sweet misunderstood guy, it was because Adrian thought so. Thing about Badger is that his character was so complex and his mood so erratic I don't think he really new who he was either. He was that sweet and misunderstood guy and everything else a guy could be.
"When I see something that pisses me off, it's like..." His gaze jumped all over, as if the words he wanted might be scrawled on the walls or the windows. It's like hell opens up inside my head.
I felt like I was desperately grasping for anything that would help me believe what I wanted to believe about Badger. My preconceived Hero. I went through so many phases while reading this book. From liking him, to loving him to writing him off and then believing in him. This book put me through a freaking cesspool of emotions. It was difficult reading about such a toxic relationship and then halfway though the book I start thing. "You know what maybe it just isn't meant to be. This guy is a dickhead. But I told you, I was grasping desperately so if there was a straw I was on it.
"We suck as a couple." he said. If that's what we are."
My heart froze, shocked that he'd suggest it. Shocked and euphoric. Even I hadn't been ready to say such a thing, and I had it pretty damn bad for him.
"But I'm okay with us sucking." he went on. I got no problem with you thinking, 'Shit, this guy's such a bad fucking idea.' I got no designs on being normal. I'm never gonna be normal."
Ultimately I really wasn't looking to read a book like this when I started reading it. But I kind of got over that when I realised I couldn't put it down. It was completely depressing and utterly unputdownable and I'm just so fucking sad right now.
"You know," he panted, "it's not just the pain. "It's that you put those there."
June 23, 2019
Read 2015
Re-read Jun/2019
****** 6 Stars ******
I am a re-readerphobe. The idea of being disenchanted with a story which I once loved scares the shit out of me, but what to do at a dead end, when the slump doesn't bloody let you go?
So, phew!!!! As brilliant as the first time.
Badger is a breath of fresh air in our same old same old book world.
The story:
Poignant, gritty, overwhelming, moving, intense, twisted, heartbreaking, unique, compelling and real.
R-E-A-L.
The characters:
Isaac (aka Badger) and Adrian, were shaped in an incredible dimensional way evoking so much realism to this!
The author created two perfect characters; I mean executed perfectly because, in reality, they were utterly faulty, broken, raw and exposed. Perfection for those who don't shy from intense and ugly feels.
Badger's fierceness, unstableness and rage were so vivid, believable, complex and dimensional, making me feel freaking scared.
"I have a really nasty temper, and no restraint. I've basically got no impulse control, so I do whatever I feel like, the second I feel it. I'm also into really fucked-up sex."
Scared for him, for what he had been through, scared for the way he lived, afraid for what could happen to him. The doom looming over his life was something compelling and not ordinary. It's the kind of story that turns me into an emotional pretzel, and I love it.
What to say about Adrian? A recovering pill addict, broken, vulnerable, sensitive, smart, with a brain in an accelerated mode.
"You're complicated, cupcake. You think about stuff. A lot. You worry about stuff that's already happened, and stuff that's going to happen, or maybe might happen . . ."
She was someone easy to relate to; however, her self esteem couldn't be lower. I wanted to be her friend, give her lots of hugs and tell her how special she was.
"The only bearable thing about being human is that you can change, the second you feel like. Get it through your head that you changed, and cut yourself some slack before you fucking choke to death from all the apologies lodged in your throat."
Badger is not a romance. In fact, if you haven't grasped it yet, is disturbing, uncomfortable and devastating, an experience I wouldn't want to miss for the world. But then, I am not a conventional romance reader.
I can't stress enough how much I treasure, admire, respect and commend the author for her bravery in writing Badger.
Special thank you to Vix for putting up with my crap <3
Re-read Jun/2019
****** 6 Stars ******
I am a re-readerphobe. The idea of being disenchanted with a story which I once loved scares the shit out of me, but what to do at a dead end, when the slump doesn't bloody let you go?
So, phew!!!! As brilliant as the first time.
Badger is a breath of fresh air in our same old same old book world.
The story:
Poignant, gritty, overwhelming, moving, intense, twisted, heartbreaking, unique, compelling and real.
R-E-A-L.
The characters:
Isaac (aka Badger) and Adrian, were shaped in an incredible dimensional way evoking so much realism to this!
The author created two perfect characters; I mean executed perfectly because, in reality, they were utterly faulty, broken, raw and exposed. Perfection for those who don't shy from intense and ugly feels.
Badger's fierceness, unstableness and rage were so vivid, believable, complex and dimensional, making me feel freaking scared.
"I have a really nasty temper, and no restraint. I've basically got no impulse control, so I do whatever I feel like, the second I feel it. I'm also into really fucked-up sex."
Scared for him, for what he had been through, scared for the way he lived, afraid for what could happen to him. The doom looming over his life was something compelling and not ordinary. It's the kind of story that turns me into an emotional pretzel, and I love it.
What to say about Adrian? A recovering pill addict, broken, vulnerable, sensitive, smart, with a brain in an accelerated mode.
"You're complicated, cupcake. You think about stuff. A lot. You worry about stuff that's already happened, and stuff that's going to happen, or maybe might happen . . ."
She was someone easy to relate to; however, her self esteem couldn't be lower. I wanted to be her friend, give her lots of hugs and tell her how special she was.
"The only bearable thing about being human is that you can change, the second you feel like. Get it through your head that you changed, and cut yourself some slack before you fucking choke to death from all the apologies lodged in your throat."
Badger is not a romance. In fact, if you haven't grasped it yet, is disturbing, uncomfortable and devastating, an experience I wouldn't want to miss for the world. But then, I am not a conventional romance reader.
I can't stress enough how much I treasure, admire, respect and commend the author for her bravery in writing Badger.
Special thank you to Vix for putting up with my crap <3
March 18, 2016
3.5 stars
"I bet we all had a Badger in us, an impulse to hurt and punish."
This is a book that I think will stay with me a while. Why not a higher rating? I liked this book, I really did. But the subject matter is not really for me. On top of that, I really would not consider this a romance in any way because not once did I root for these characters to end up together. I did consider giving this a 4 due to the amazing and compelling writing style this author has, but ultimately this book left me unsatisfied at the end and I cannot rate higher because of that.
Badger is the story of Adrian, a young woman who at the age of 27 has already lived a hard life and trying to recover from it. A recovering addict, she always felt like an outcast, even in her own family. One day she's clipped by a car in a hit and run, injuring her wrist and the vigilante Badger gets justice for her when he follows the offending car and attacks it. This incident leaves Adrian inquisitive about the elusive Badger, and she sets out on a search to meet him.
"I spend so much time on the brink of... something. Like I'm going through my life in the middle of a big slow-mo mental breakdown. Like my body's constantly in crisis, every second I'm awake."
When Adrian meets the Badger, she discovers he's not a hero but a man looking for a place to take out his rage and quirks. Despite this, the two are drawn together by an inexplicable pull and they embark on a sexual relationship that most would call twisted. Badger has no desire to change who he is, and Adrian doesn't want to do that, she just wants to mean something to him in some way.
"Am I like your antidote?"
"Maybe. You cure me of myself, for a little while at a time."
As I said before, I really liked this author's writing and the way she told the story. Adrian was my favorite part about the book because she seemed so real in her thoughts and her actions. Badger I can't really wrap my mind around (but isn't that point?). I understand his actions in the public, and some of them regarding Adrian, but I guess ultimately I didn't understand Adrian's attraction to Badger, especially with the way he treated her the majority of the book.
I will say it helped going into this book knowing aspects of the ending, but I still am not happy with where it ended for Adrian. It just kind of left off, no closure on quite a few subjects. I can honestly say if there was another book after this one I would definitely read it. As I always say, just because I rated this 3 stars doesn't mean I didn't like it, I just wasn't blown away or in love with it.
"I'm not ever gonna make you happy."
"I bet we all had a Badger in us, an impulse to hurt and punish."
This is a book that I think will stay with me a while. Why not a higher rating? I liked this book, I really did. But the subject matter is not really for me. On top of that, I really would not consider this a romance in any way because not once did I root for these characters to end up together. I did consider giving this a 4 due to the amazing and compelling writing style this author has, but ultimately this book left me unsatisfied at the end and I cannot rate higher because of that.
Badger is the story of Adrian, a young woman who at the age of 27 has already lived a hard life and trying to recover from it. A recovering addict, she always felt like an outcast, even in her own family. One day she's clipped by a car in a hit and run, injuring her wrist and the vigilante Badger gets justice for her when he follows the offending car and attacks it. This incident leaves Adrian inquisitive about the elusive Badger, and she sets out on a search to meet him.
"I spend so much time on the brink of... something. Like I'm going through my life in the middle of a big slow-mo mental breakdown. Like my body's constantly in crisis, every second I'm awake."
When Adrian meets the Badger, she discovers he's not a hero but a man looking for a place to take out his rage and quirks. Despite this, the two are drawn together by an inexplicable pull and they embark on a sexual relationship that most would call twisted. Badger has no desire to change who he is, and Adrian doesn't want to do that, she just wants to mean something to him in some way.
"Am I like your antidote?"
"Maybe. You cure me of myself, for a little while at a time."
As I said before, I really liked this author's writing and the way she told the story. Adrian was my favorite part about the book because she seemed so real in her thoughts and her actions. Badger I can't really wrap my mind around (but isn't that point?). I understand his actions in the public, and some of them regarding Adrian, but I guess ultimately I didn't understand Adrian's attraction to Badger, especially with the way he treated her the majority of the book.
I will say it helped going into this book knowing aspects of the ending, but I still am not happy with where it ended for Adrian. It just kind of left off, no closure on quite a few subjects. I can honestly say if there was another book after this one I would definitely read it. As I always say, just because I rated this 3 stars doesn't mean I didn't like it, I just wasn't blown away or in love with it.
"I'm not ever gonna make you happy."
March 7, 2016
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
Type: Standalone
POV: First Person - Female
Rating:
Adrian Birch was struggling to keep her life on track. As a recovering addict, her path to redemption was not an easy one. As (bad) luck had it, she got injured in hit and run incident. But she did not stay a victim long when she was avenged by The Badger.
Some saw him as a hero, while others akin him to a terrorist. The Badger took matters into his own hand, patrolling Boston and punishing offending citizen with his own brand of street justice. The mysterious hooded cyclist never though he needed anyone until he discovered the inexplicable magnetism he had with Adrian.
I first discovered this book after its numerous appearances on my GR feed. I never really paid much attention to it because the cover didn’t do anything to me and (without knowing the background story) somewhat misleading. But curiosity won and I checked the blurb and I knew this is something that I had to read. I am so glad I didn’t dismiss it at first glance or I would have missed a gem.
I love Adrian. There’s just something about her that made me want to forgive all the bad things she ever did in her past. She was imperfect and knew it, and most importantly worked towards being better.
Badger resonated deeply within me. He’s my favorite kind of literary character - flawed and damaged beyond his control. But instead of his actions making me hate him, it produced a complete opposite reaction. He hurt me and I love him for it.
I just love stories of anti-heroes. I simply feel more connected with them than the regular swoony heroes. I really love the story but it’s a hard one to categorize. It isn’t a romance but it involved love. They were wrong individually, but together they found semblance of normalcy. It’s not exactly dark per se, but there were some triggers with some disturbing scenes. It’s not exactly erotic, but it was explicit with some possibly repelling scenes.
Badger is an engaging tale of two individuals finding solace in each other when the society in general is against them. It’s funny and sad, heartwarming and heartbreaking, and will linger in your mind for a long time.
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
Type: Standalone
POV: First Person - Female
Rating:
Adrian Birch was struggling to keep her life on track. As a recovering addict, her path to redemption was not an easy one. As (bad) luck had it, she got injured in hit and run incident. But she did not stay a victim long when she was avenged by The Badger.
Some saw him as a hero, while others akin him to a terrorist. The Badger took matters into his own hand, patrolling Boston and punishing offending citizen with his own brand of street justice. The mysterious hooded cyclist never though he needed anyone until he discovered the inexplicable magnetism he had with Adrian.
I first discovered this book after its numerous appearances on my GR feed. I never really paid much attention to it because the cover didn’t do anything to me and (without knowing the background story) somewhat misleading. But curiosity won and I checked the blurb and I knew this is something that I had to read. I am so glad I didn’t dismiss it at first glance or I would have missed a gem.
I love Adrian. There’s just something about her that made me want to forgive all the bad things she ever did in her past. She was imperfect and knew it, and most importantly worked towards being better.
“When’re you gonna figure out that I’m not some stray you can fix if you just feed me and love me and pat my fucking head?”
Badger resonated deeply within me. He’s my favorite kind of literary character - flawed and damaged beyond his control. But instead of his actions making me hate him, it produced a complete opposite reaction. He hurt me and I love him for it.
I just love stories of anti-heroes. I simply feel more connected with them than the regular swoony heroes. I really love the story but it’s a hard one to categorize. It isn’t a romance but it involved love. They were wrong individually, but together they found semblance of normalcy. It’s not exactly dark per se, but there were some triggers with some disturbing scenes. It’s not exactly erotic, but it was explicit with some possibly repelling scenes.
Badger is an engaging tale of two individuals finding solace in each other when the society in general is against them. It’s funny and sad, heartwarming and heartbreaking, and will linger in your mind for a long time.
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September 6, 2015So I read this book.
And now I am broken.
It was like a shot of tequila on an empty stomach. Getting me drunk then making me sick.
I think it might be the ugliest thing I have ever read.
May I some day possess the smallest fraction of its courage and honesty.
I will write a proper review. But ... right now. I just can't.
PS - You should read this.
(oh shit - meant to say, I edit for BMP so ... bias or whatever)
****
Attempt at more useful reviewing:
Okay, so I feel I need to say something actually useful about this book for anyone who may actually want to read it.
What BADGER is about, and where it will take you, is pretty clear from the blurb I think: we have self-erasing protagonist and a bargain basement Batman. And a story that is a little bit McKenna romance, a little bit V for Vendetta and a lot of not-like-anything-else ever. So if you take one thing away from this review, it’s that BADGER is remarkable. Brilliant, terrifying, remarkable.
It probably should go without saying that this does not have a happy-ending in the “and then they got married and had babies sense” (it mentions in the blurb that Badger dies and, honestly, it’s only the possible conclusion to his story). However we leave the protagonist in a hopeful place. And while the book left me hollow with weeping and sick with over-identification … it challenged me more than it depressed me. It’s given me a lot to think about it. And probably genuinely changed me.
At heart, I would characterise BADGER as a deconstruction of the romance genre (and please don’t get me wrong, I love romance, and—from my reading of it—there’s certainly no disrespect for the genre within BADGER) but the thing about deconstruction is that it’s very to break sommat down and then present your reader with a few handful of dust. Ultimately that says nothing at all. Any child can smash something. What makes an act of deconstruction worthwhile is not what you destroy, it’s what you construct.
And that’s what BADGER does. It mercilessly takes romance apart. And then gives you … something else.
For me, what characterises McKenna’s romance writing is an edge of ugliness. She never flinches from the indignity of sex. The way it can leave you raw. So BADGER is basically McKenna with the safety off.
I have more to say but that is all the wordness I can manage right now.
***
I’m still trying to articulate my BADGER thoughts. Here’s Part 2 of them.
So, healing is a big theme in romance. And, y’know, that’s … important and sexy and romantic, so I understand why we’re so invested in. But it’s also problematic as hell in that it essentially proposes a worldview in which any horror can be addressed simply by putting the right appendage in the right orifice. And that becomes even more problematic in the context of abuse because while most people will give lipservice to the idea that all reactions to abuse are valid there are nevertheless strong judgements, implied and explicit.
For example, it’s more morally acceptable to react by becoming sexually tentative than it is sexually promiscuous. You’re expected to have strongly repudiated the abuse at the time it was happening. A sense of complicity can often be viewed with suspicion. Men, in particular, are supposed to have ‘fought’. A lot of healing-rhetoric, especially in America (fuck you, America) concerns forgiving those who have abused you — which very much centres our ideas of what abuse means on the perpetrators not the victims. And to admit any sense of being irredeemably changed as a result of abuse is usually seen as a profound personal failure.
With the possible exception of Off Campus, I have yet to read a romance novel in which being able to perform a particular sexual behaviour with the hero/heroine isn’t held up as the ultimate triumph of love over abuse. I can’t even begin to tell you how shitty this is. It doesn’t feel romantic to me. It feels like judgement.
Because the cold hard truth is this: abuse takes things from you. Things you will probably never get back.
And the thing is: I do understand this fantasy. From any direction you care to look at it. It seems so romantic, so special, to be able to give someone something they thought they’d lost or would never have again. It seems equally romantic to convince yourself that someone can do this for you.
Well. Look. Sorry to be a downer but they can’t.
And any story that makes abuse-recovery about valuing who you used to be instead of understanding who you are now … is fucking messed up.
So. Yeah. BADGER doesn’t do this.
Badger himself, the victim of some pretty extreme abuse, is shaped by that abuse in a way that is real and horrifying and … profoundly unromantic and unsexy. Of course, the flipside is that you could argue that it’s equally problematic to depict abuse survivors as ruined sociopaths incapable of human relationships … but ultimately I see BADGER as a necessary and important response to ‘abuse survivors just need the right dick to feel better about themselves’.
Your mileage, may of course, vary.
And now I am broken.
It was like a shot of tequila on an empty stomach. Getting me drunk then making me sick.
I think it might be the ugliest thing I have ever read.
May I some day possess the smallest fraction of its courage and honesty.
I will write a proper review. But ... right now. I just can't.
PS - You should read this.
(oh shit - meant to say, I edit for BMP so ... bias or whatever)
****
Attempt at more useful reviewing:
Okay, so I feel I need to say something actually useful about this book for anyone who may actually want to read it.
What BADGER is about, and where it will take you, is pretty clear from the blurb I think: we have self-erasing protagonist and a bargain basement Batman. And a story that is a little bit McKenna romance, a little bit V for Vendetta and a lot of not-like-anything-else ever. So if you take one thing away from this review, it’s that BADGER is remarkable. Brilliant, terrifying, remarkable.
It probably should go without saying that this does not have a happy-ending in the “and then they got married and had babies sense” (it mentions in the blurb that Badger dies and, honestly, it’s only the possible conclusion to his story). However we leave the protagonist in a hopeful place. And while the book left me hollow with weeping and sick with over-identification … it challenged me more than it depressed me. It’s given me a lot to think about it. And probably genuinely changed me.
At heart, I would characterise BADGER as a deconstruction of the romance genre (and please don’t get me wrong, I love romance, and—from my reading of it—there’s certainly no disrespect for the genre within BADGER) but the thing about deconstruction is that it’s very to break sommat down and then present your reader with a few handful of dust. Ultimately that says nothing at all. Any child can smash something. What makes an act of deconstruction worthwhile is not what you destroy, it’s what you construct.
And that’s what BADGER does. It mercilessly takes romance apart. And then gives you … something else.
For me, what characterises McKenna’s romance writing is an edge of ugliness. She never flinches from the indignity of sex. The way it can leave you raw. So BADGER is basically McKenna with the safety off.
I have more to say but that is all the wordness I can manage right now.
***
I’m still trying to articulate my BADGER thoughts. Here’s Part 2 of them.
So, healing is a big theme in romance. And, y’know, that’s … important and sexy and romantic, so I understand why we’re so invested in. But it’s also problematic as hell in that it essentially proposes a worldview in which any horror can be addressed simply by putting the right appendage in the right orifice. And that becomes even more problematic in the context of abuse because while most people will give lipservice to the idea that all reactions to abuse are valid there are nevertheless strong judgements, implied and explicit.
For example, it’s more morally acceptable to react by becoming sexually tentative than it is sexually promiscuous. You’re expected to have strongly repudiated the abuse at the time it was happening. A sense of complicity can often be viewed with suspicion. Men, in particular, are supposed to have ‘fought’. A lot of healing-rhetoric, especially in America (fuck you, America) concerns forgiving those who have abused you — which very much centres our ideas of what abuse means on the perpetrators not the victims. And to admit any sense of being irredeemably changed as a result of abuse is usually seen as a profound personal failure.
With the possible exception of Off Campus, I have yet to read a romance novel in which being able to perform a particular sexual behaviour with the hero/heroine isn’t held up as the ultimate triumph of love over abuse. I can’t even begin to tell you how shitty this is. It doesn’t feel romantic to me. It feels like judgement.
Because the cold hard truth is this: abuse takes things from you. Things you will probably never get back.
And the thing is: I do understand this fantasy. From any direction you care to look at it. It seems so romantic, so special, to be able to give someone something they thought they’d lost or would never have again. It seems equally romantic to convince yourself that someone can do this for you.
Well. Look. Sorry to be a downer but they can’t.
And any story that makes abuse-recovery about valuing who you used to be instead of understanding who you are now … is fucking messed up.
So. Yeah. BADGER doesn’t do this.
Badger himself, the victim of some pretty extreme abuse, is shaped by that abuse in a way that is real and horrifying and … profoundly unromantic and unsexy. Of course, the flipside is that you could argue that it’s equally problematic to depict abuse survivors as ruined sociopaths incapable of human relationships … but ultimately I see BADGER as a necessary and important response to ‘abuse survivors just need the right dick to feel better about themselves’.
Your mileage, may of course, vary.
December 28, 2015
** 5++ “better to f*ck up your OWN life” STARS **
I was apparently still the kind of girl who’d get on her knees and let someone f*ck her mouth in exchange for her drug of choice. My drug was nearly six feet tall now, clad in a striped jacket instead of an orange bottle.
But it still didn’t love me back.
That hadn’t changed.
Unique.
This book gave me multiple orgasms...and that's (sadly) a very rare occasion for me.
*cough cough*
OVERALL: READ IT B*TCHEZ!
November 18, 2015
5 Literary GENIUS Stars!
Every now and than I’ll read a book and have this inner monologue raging within my head. Sometimes the monologue is good, sometimes it’s not so good. With Badger it went something like this- "Holy shit on a popsicle stick- this is so refreshing, so poignant, so deep yet I know, in the end it’s gonna gut me! Prepare for book hangover, Allison, because it’s forthcoming!"
Luckily I read TWO reviews on this book prior to venturing in, both enough to interest me yet didn’t spoil a thing. Because girls and boys, don’t get spoiled. This is one epic ride I think all readers should jump on. I'll go so far as to say don't read the last few sentences of the book blurb as I didn't beforehand and realized now it's a huge spoiler. Saying that, I know it’s not everyone’s cuppa. So in the interest of keeping this as spoiler-free as possible, I’ll break Badger down into what this book IS and what this book ISN’T.
What Badger is …
Badger is a vigilante bicyclist. He is notorious throughout all the burbs of Boston. A man making right from all the wrong a$$holes do within the city. A modern-day Batman or a menace on a bike, however you want to look at it. I won’t go into further detail on what he does and specifically why. He meets Adrian when he witnesses her getting hit and run by a car and he avenges the a$$hole that hurt her. She wants to thank him…to meet this notorious enigma named The Badger. So she searches him out online, arranges to see him where his "Badger sightings" are most common. And soher obsession their story begins…
Badger is a flawed, scarred man. He’s also a grade-A a$$hole with zero filter or care what you think about him.... and I still assure you that you will fall hopelessly in love with him. His backstory is sad and I will spoiler tag something that may be a trigger for people who may want to pick this book up. Otherwise exercise self control and don’t click it. . But did I also mention he's an a$$hole?
SWOON! But I digress...
Adrian is also a flawed character. Perpetual wallflower, recovering Vicodin addict, has done time for shoplifting, she's just trying to get her life back in order. Trying to stay clean, get a job, and stay off the streets (most importantly not having to move back in with her folks).
Badger is everything she is not. He’s risk taking, energetic, vibrant…and Adrian feels magnetized to his powers. Opposites do attract and when you live in a fog most of your days, his bit of excitement is just what she craves.
Badger is a book that’ll push your boundaries a bit. I wouldn’t call it dark but its content can be fairly graphic emotionally and sexually. It’s a plot I’ve never encountered in all my years of reading about flawed, scarred heroes and I was hooked into his story from the beginning.
Badger is a book so eloquently written, it was almost mesmerizing. I’d read 11 books from this author under her other pen name (Cara McKenna) yet I don’t remember it being so poetically written. It’s not so much as the reader gets lost in a sea of words yet it will highlight the text beautifully.
What Badger is NOT-
This is no hearts and flowers romance. In fact, I don’t even know if I’d call them a couple. Their connection is magnetizing and he is the Yin to her Yang yet this is so unusual in its delivery, I never felt that deep-seated love connection until the very end. It’s about two very different people that find that balance they need from the other person. He needs the calm, and she needs the drive.
This is not a book you will walk away from tip-toeing in the tulips. You will feel rather raw inside and I’ve been warned of “Badger fog” for a few days after finishing this novel. I’m prepared for the hangover to ensue.
All in all, I freaking devoured this book in 24 hours. It’s refreshingly different and depth of plot is resounding. C.M. McKenna’s prose is somewhat lyrical, putting a bit of fluff to a very heavy plot device. Yet, believe it or not, she made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion. He is such an a$$ yet you just want to hunt down that man in the gray and black hoodie riding a bike in Boston and give him a gigantic hug.
Badger is the best kept secret right now, Had a friend, Supreet, not reached out to me about this book, I wouldn’t have heard a word about it. Let me say this- if you enjoy something entirely different, a bit heavy on the feels, not all hearts and flowers romance with a resounding walk off into the sunset HEA, you need to read this book. Pronto. I’ll shout it from the rooftops if I have to!
*** Don't judge a book by its cover, here.***
Oh, one more piece of business....
Every now and than I’ll read a book and have this inner monologue raging within my head. Sometimes the monologue is good, sometimes it’s not so good. With Badger it went something like this- "Holy shit on a popsicle stick- this is so refreshing, so poignant, so deep yet I know, in the end it’s gonna gut me! Prepare for book hangover, Allison, because it’s forthcoming!"
Luckily I read TWO reviews on this book prior to venturing in, both enough to interest me yet didn’t spoil a thing. Because girls and boys, don’t get spoiled. This is one epic ride I think all readers should jump on. I'll go so far as to say don't read the last few sentences of the book blurb as I didn't beforehand and realized now it's a huge spoiler. Saying that, I know it’s not everyone’s cuppa. So in the interest of keeping this as spoiler-free as possible, I’ll break Badger down into what this book IS and what this book ISN’T.
What Badger is …
Badger is a vigilante bicyclist. He is notorious throughout all the burbs of Boston. A man making right from all the wrong a$$holes do within the city. A modern-day Batman or a menace on a bike, however you want to look at it. I won’t go into further detail on what he does and specifically why. He meets Adrian when he witnesses her getting hit and run by a car and he avenges the a$$hole that hurt her. She wants to thank him…to meet this notorious enigma named The Badger. So she searches him out online, arranges to see him where his "Badger sightings" are most common. And so
Badger is a flawed, scarred man. He’s also a grade-A a$$hole with zero filter or care what you think about him.... and I still assure you that you will fall hopelessly in love with him. His backstory is sad and I will spoiler tag something that may be a trigger for people who may want to pick this book up. Otherwise exercise self control and don’t click it. . But did I also mention he's an a$$hole?
"Sorry to wake you from whatever Robin Hood wet dream you've been fingering yourself over, but I don't do that stuff to help anybody."
SWOON! But I digress...
Adrian is also a flawed character. Perpetual wallflower, recovering Vicodin addict, has done time for shoplifting, she's just trying to get her life back in order. Trying to stay clean, get a job, and stay off the streets (most importantly not having to move back in with her folks).
I could be Lois Lane. If Lois were a former klepto painkiller addict and Superman a tweaker on a ten-speed.
Badger is everything she is not. He’s risk taking, energetic, vibrant…and Adrian feels magnetized to his powers. Opposites do attract and when you live in a fog most of your days, his bit of excitement is just what she craves.
“I have a really nasty temper, and no restraint. I’ve basically got no impulse control, so I do whatever I feel like, the second I feel it. I’m also into really fucked-up sex.”
I blinked. “Oh.”
“Plus, since I got no impulse control, I tell girls I just met that I’m into really fucked-up sex.”
“You don’t say.”
“I’m a fucking mess,” he said, with the delivery of someone remarking about the weather, like, shrug, What can you do?”
Badger is a book that’ll push your boundaries a bit. I wouldn’t call it dark but its content can be fairly graphic emotionally and sexually. It’s a plot I’ve never encountered in all my years of reading about flawed, scarred heroes and I was hooked into his story from the beginning.
Badger is a book so eloquently written, it was almost mesmerizing. I’d read 11 books from this author under her other pen name (Cara McKenna) yet I don’t remember it being so poetically written. It’s not so much as the reader gets lost in a sea of words yet it will highlight the text beautifully.
What Badger is NOT-
This is no hearts and flowers romance. In fact, I don’t even know if I’d call them a couple. Their connection is magnetizing and he is the Yin to her Yang yet this is so unusual in its delivery, I never felt that deep-seated love connection until the very end. It’s about two very different people that find that balance they need from the other person. He needs the calm, and she needs the drive.
This is not a book you will walk away from tip-toeing in the tulips. You will feel rather raw inside and I’ve been warned of “Badger fog” for a few days after finishing this novel. I’m prepared for the hangover to ensue.
All in all, I freaking devoured this book in 24 hours. It’s refreshingly different and depth of plot is resounding. C.M. McKenna’s prose is somewhat lyrical, putting a bit of fluff to a very heavy plot device. Yet, believe it or not, she made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion. He is such an a$$ yet you just want to hunt down that man in the gray and black hoodie riding a bike in Boston and give him a gigantic hug.
Badger is the best kept secret right now, Had a friend, Supreet, not reached out to me about this book, I wouldn’t have heard a word about it. Let me say this- if you enjoy something entirely different, a bit heavy on the feels, not all hearts and flowers romance with a resounding walk off into the sunset HEA, you need to read this book. Pronto. I’ll shout it from the rooftops if I have to!
*** Don't judge a book by its cover, here.***
Oh, one more piece of business....
December 10, 2015
4.5 Stars
... “My name is Adrian Birch, and I'm nobody.”
“My name is Adrian Birch, and I used to be nobody. An apologist, a coward. Then I met a madman on a bicycle and I lost my mind, lost my way, got my heart broken and my head rewired, and woke from a nightmare of my own design, fear gone like an ex-lover I’d never spread my legs for again.”
This story was nothing like I have read before. Words to describe this? Extremely disturbing, smart, surprisingly humorous, emotional, and distressing.
To keep the plot nice and simple, this is the story of Adrian- former pill popper who is now trying to redeem herself. She is self-deprecating and constantly feels guilty for the mistakes she’s made. But while battling her former addiction, she acquires a new fascinating unhealthy one that comes in the form of a striped-hoodie-wearing, bicyclist “vigilante” who has been nicknamed ‘Badger’ (real name Isaac).
They meet, they exchange horror stories, form a relationship, and then ultimately decide there is no way someone like Badger will ever be the person Adrian needs. Interestingly enough, their fucked up relationship is what drives Adrian to move toward being the person she has wanted to be. The pull remains so strong throughout the whole story between the hero and the heroine, though, and you can't help but get giddy whenever he appears.
The character of Badger is someone you think you may have come across before, but I bet you haven’t.
“I have a really nasty temper, and no restraint. I’ve basically got no impulse control, so I do whatever I feel like, the second I feel it. I’m also into really fucked-up sex.”
I blinked. “Oh.”
“Plus, since I got no impulse control, I tell girls I just met that I’m into really fucked-up sex.”
“You don’t say.”
“I’m a fucking mess,” he said, with the delivery of someone remarking about the weather, like, shrug, What can you do?”
Throughout Adrian’s journey, you can’t help but relate to her overwhelming addiction to the buzz she feels around Isaac. I found myself wishing with the simple snap of Adrian’s fingers, Isaac would transform into the softer person he VERY rarely lets peak out. You’ll want Adrian to magically fix him with every fiber of your being, to be the catalyst in his life that brings him the help he so obviously needs.
“I’ve known since forever that I’m nuts,” he said. “Because I got told all the time….But I never felt like yeah, I’m crazy. No until I met you. Not until you did that calm shit to my head, made me sober just long enough to realize what drunk felt like.”
But I think what I liked most about this unique story was that the disturbing behavior between them wasn’t the forefront message. It was more about the growth of a once meek, cowardly girl. And it leaves the reader feeling proud of all she’s overcome and the change you’ll see in her.
Badger is a book that’ll most definitely push your boundaries. I don’t think I would call it dark but its content can be fairly graphic. It’s a plot about flawed, scarred heroes I’ve yet to read and I was hooked from the beginning.
"I'm pretty sure I love you..."
"I won't ever love you back," he said. It wasn't a slight, ugly as the words were. It was a fact, impersonal and blunt.
If you’re expecting a sweet/lovely romance, then this really is not the book for you. It was raw, gritty, so incredibly unique and an emotional read that was written in such a poetic, intelligent, enticing way. A story that equally put a smile on my face and left me heartbroken.
“My name is Adrian Birch, and I used to be nobody. An apologist, a coward. Then I met a madman on a bicycle and I lost my mind, lost my way, got my heart broken and my head rewired, and woke from a nightmare of my own design, fear gone like an ex-lover I’d never spread my legs for again.”
This story was nothing like I have read before. Words to describe this? Extremely disturbing, smart, surprisingly humorous, emotional, and distressing.
To keep the plot nice and simple, this is the story of Adrian- former pill popper who is now trying to redeem herself. She is self-deprecating and constantly feels guilty for the mistakes she’s made. But while battling her former addiction, she acquires a new fascinating unhealthy one that comes in the form of a striped-hoodie-wearing, bicyclist “vigilante” who has been nicknamed ‘Badger’ (real name Isaac).
They meet, they exchange horror stories, form a relationship, and then ultimately decide there is no way someone like Badger will ever be the person Adrian needs. Interestingly enough, their fucked up relationship is what drives Adrian to move toward being the person she has wanted to be. The pull remains so strong throughout the whole story between the hero and the heroine, though, and you can't help but get giddy whenever he appears.
The character of Badger is someone you think you may have come across before, but I bet you haven’t.
“I have a really nasty temper, and no restraint. I’ve basically got no impulse control, so I do whatever I feel like, the second I feel it. I’m also into really fucked-up sex.”
I blinked. “Oh.”
“Plus, since I got no impulse control, I tell girls I just met that I’m into really fucked-up sex.”
“You don’t say.”
“I’m a fucking mess,” he said, with the delivery of someone remarking about the weather, like, shrug, What can you do?”
Throughout Adrian’s journey, you can’t help but relate to her overwhelming addiction to the buzz she feels around Isaac. I found myself wishing with the simple snap of Adrian’s fingers, Isaac would transform into the softer person he VERY rarely lets peak out. You’ll want Adrian to magically fix him with every fiber of your being, to be the catalyst in his life that brings him the help he so obviously needs.
“I’ve known since forever that I’m nuts,” he said. “Because I got told all the time….But I never felt like yeah, I’m crazy. No until I met you. Not until you did that calm shit to my head, made me sober just long enough to realize what drunk felt like.”
But I think what I liked most about this unique story was that the disturbing behavior between them wasn’t the forefront message. It was more about the growth of a once meek, cowardly girl. And it leaves the reader feeling proud of all she’s overcome and the change you’ll see in her.
Badger is a book that’ll most definitely push your boundaries. I don’t think I would call it dark but its content can be fairly graphic. It’s a plot about flawed, scarred heroes I’ve yet to read and I was hooked from the beginning.
"I'm pretty sure I love you..."
"I won't ever love you back," he said. It wasn't a slight, ugly as the words were. It was a fact, impersonal and blunt.
If you’re expecting a sweet/lovely romance, then this really is not the book for you. It was raw, gritty, so incredibly unique and an emotional read that was written in such a poetic, intelligent, enticing way. A story that equally put a smile on my face and left me heartbroken.
December 21, 2015
3.5 stars...
I totally get the high ratings, and I'm tempted to give 4 stars just because the writing and subject matter was done so well, but I gotta go with my gut. I liked this one, but I wasn't in like with it.
It's very possible that my mindset was just not in the right place when I decided to tackle it. I'm always on board whenever anyone says the magic word: dark. But this book was a total downer for me. I feel quite bad about it, because even after reading it, I still feel as if I should've loved just as everyone else has.
I wish I had more for you.
I had no issues with the content, especially since it's a favorite of mine.
The writing was absolutely beautiful.
The story, in itself was pretty emotional and deep.
However, for reasons I can't get my head around, it didn't do anything for me. I felt very detached from the characters. In the end, it was a good thing since . And I have to say, even that didn't bother me at all.
Overall, I understand all the praise, and it should have been a winner for me, but the chemistry just wasn't there.
I totally get the high ratings, and I'm tempted to give 4 stars just because the writing and subject matter was done so well, but I gotta go with my gut. I liked this one, but I wasn't in like with it.
It's very possible that my mindset was just not in the right place when I decided to tackle it. I'm always on board whenever anyone says the magic word: dark. But this book was a total downer for me. I feel quite bad about it, because even after reading it, I still feel as if I should've loved just as everyone else has.
I wish I had more for you.
I had no issues with the content, especially since it's a favorite of mine.
The writing was absolutely beautiful.
The story, in itself was pretty emotional and deep.
However, for reasons I can't get my head around, it didn't do anything for me. I felt very detached from the characters. In the end, it was a good thing since . And I have to say, even that didn't bother me at all.
Overall, I understand all the praise, and it should have been a winner for me, but the chemistry just wasn't there.
November 20, 2017
This book brought some of my bad memories to me... Damn it.
I'll write my review later or not. I'm not sure yet... 💔💔💔
I'll write my review later or not. I'm not sure yet... 💔💔💔
October 20, 2015
TITLE: Badger
AUTHOR: C.M. McKenna
GENRE: Contemporary Romance
RELEASE DATE: August 31st 2015
MY RATING: 5 STARS
Sooooo this is totally left field to what I've recently been reading but now and then you have to throw in some grit, some dark and some tears..
Ok here's the thing with this book I didn't find it at all dark or gritty, I didn't shed one tear until near the end then they leaked like a sieve, and I did find The Badger to be one sick Mother F*cker, through no fault of his own, he's a product of the abuse he endured at the hands of many people, your heart will break for his character in this book..I can honestly say though that this book is freaking unique I've not read or come across anything like it and that is why BADGER deserves my 5 stars!!
I would've completely missed reading this due to the fact that I am a cover hoe and yeah this cover just doesn't make me drool so the fact that I found this is all due to a friend who said she was wanting to read this..So yes I went one clicking after reading the reviews for this!!
It starts off with her getting swiped by the car, badger comes to the rescue by doing his thing, then it's a cat and mouse game of her tracking him down by stalking websites that have spotted the evasive Badger, to Badger himself following her into her substance abuse meeting..
The very first time I saw The Badger, I was bleeding from my chin and arm, I'd been hit by a car.
I can't even say what's got me so hooked into this book, but this is how my days been going, read one chapter, do some house work, read another chapter, do more housework, etc etc, maybe the author has cast a spell on me..
They called him The Badger because he was rabid and aggressive.
My mind is in turmoil reading this, Isaac aka The Badger has had some serious bad shit happen to him which has left him psychologically damaged, as he states himself he's not wired right, he needs to hurt, bleed, feel pain to experience sexual fulfilment, either with nails running deep down his back, to being whipped to being shot at with a paint gun..Adrian is a vanilla kind of girl and badger leans towards the darker side of BDSM so she is totally out of her comfort zone..
He fought violence with violence, if you dinged a pedestrian or cyclist with your car, he'd smash your mirrors off with his U-lock.
Your heart just aches for the life Badger has endured, the sexual abuse, the endless amount of foster homes he'd been in, the lack of love in his life from such an early age breaks your heart all over again, his overall emotional persona is stunted to some degree..Badger is in his 30's never been in love or been loved, is incapable of feeling or expressing any emotional attachments..
Usually when I get off, I’m whacking the hell out of myself with a belt or an extension cord.
You make me feel something, here and there, when you’re around. That’s all I might ever want from somebody, is for them to fill a gap, or make me feel something from moment to moment, because that’s how I function. In chunks. ~ BADGER
December 21, 2021
4.25 fucked up stars
RTC after I digest this book.
Writing and storytelling is top.
RTC after I digest this book.
Writing and storytelling is top.
December 9, 2015
***FIVE FABULOUS FUCKING STARS***
Wow. Just fucking WOW! I'm totally blown away. I have read a few stories by McKenna, and even though I have loved what I have read from her, I had no idea she was capable of a story like this one. I went into this story blind, as I think everybody should. I started it at bedtime and I read until 1:30 a.m. when I absolutely had to go to bed because I was getting up in a couple of hours later. I didn't want to even pick this up again until I could actually finish reading through it in one entire sitting uninterrupted. SO...I started it again last night at bedtime and read straight through until the ending. McKenna is a master story teller, and Badger was a work of brilliance. I cannot believe all the emotions I went through in this story, it was like an absolute twist to the gut, and I loved every second of it.
This story sucks the reader in from the very beginning. I fell in love with Isaac immediately. He was a fucked up, scarred up, tortured soul, whose only outlet was taking his anger out on people that he saw as breaking rules. Isaac had been through horrific, unspeakable things that ruined him. He's never been loved his entire life and he doesn't know how to love any one back. He's broken beyond repair and he continuously pushes Adrian away to try to save her from his destructive behavior.
Adrian has been trying to clean herself up from a two year vicodin addiction, where she did, in her mind, unforgivable things to her family during her drug fogged day. She's spent time in jail, and now that she's clean, she attends NA meetings to stay that way, and spends her days trying to figure out how with her record, she's going to get a job to get back on her feet, and eventually pay for her past transgressions with her family. Adrian meets Isaac when she's hit and run by a Jag on the street, and Isaac rushes out to avenge the driver who hit her. Adrian becomes somewhat infatuated with Isaac "The Badger", and finds a way to seek him out so she can thank him. She does find him and that's quite the encounter in itself. Issac and Adrian find themselves drawn to each other and although they don't admit they are in any type of relationship, they keep finding themselves together again.
Adrian and Isaac try to connect with each other as best they can. There's a literal pulling feeling between them that they both feel when they are near each other, and it's a sour feeling when they aren't exactly getting along. The few intimate encounters that Adrian and Isaac, are brutally strange and somewhat scary, but I found myself drawn in and twistedly turned on by most of them. McKenna has a definitely gift for beautiful sex scenes, even ones that leave you haunted like they do in this story.
I do not want to rehash the entire story between these two, because it should be read in detail and experienced first hand by the reader, but let me say this was the most emotional book I have ever read. I've never encountered any story like this one before.
This story is definitely going to stick with me for days, but I will be reading it again. Badger has become one of my all time favorite books in the world.
July 7, 2015
One of my favourite all time erotic novels. So stoked it's finally getting published!
January 12, 2022
5 Perplexing, exciting, ill-advised, ridiculous, orgasmic STARS
Este libro es uno de los mejores que leí en todo el año. Me gusto tanto que decidí no leer nada mas para que este fuera mi broche de oro del 2015.
Me gusto mucho la portada.En uno océano lleno de portadas con modelos guapos, fue refrescante ver una portada como esta.
La historia me trajo revuelta de emociones, me pareció una historia contradictoria, pero original y con una prosa sobresaliente. La autora maneja una narrativa llena de analogias que si bien te ayuda a ver la personalidad de los protagonistas también embellecen mucho la historia.
Para mi la principal característica del dark romance es ver como el amor no te hace crecer como persona es decir, un personaje no se esfuerza por llegar a ser bueno, que es lo que hace a este libro tan especial para mi, el protagonista en ningún momento quiere ser bueno, o quiere cambiar es mas ni siquiera es capaz de intentarlo. El es feliz como es... bueno no es feliz, el simplemente es el Badger.
Adentrándonos en la historia.
La historia gira en torno a un Vigilante encapuchado al que llaman Badger que anda por la ciudad en su bicicleta castigando a las personas que son groseras o cometen alguna falta. Cuando la historia avanza y conocemos quien es el en realidad es imposible no sentirse fascinada por ese personaje, si me quede con muchas ganas de saber mas sobre el, pero lo poco que supimos de su infancia fue tan fuerte que no se si mi corazón hubiera soportando mas.
Envidie a Badger. En algunos puntos de mi vida me encantaría tener un poco de la locura que lo llevaba a ser tan impulsivo y castigar a las personas que lo merecen.
Ame a Isaac, llore por su infancia y desenlace.
La protagonista es aburrida, lo cual para mi fue algo bueno. Estoy acostumbrada a tener protagonistas o que son perfectas o que están demasiado rotas. Pero Adrian no esta en ninguno de esos grupos. Ella es una chava común y corriente con la que es fácil sentirse identificada, que tiene su puñado de malas decisiones que viene arrastrando.
Su vida siente que es tan insignificante que por eso se obsesiona tanto con el Badger, desde su primer encuentro y en su relación se llega a comportarse de una forma que no tiene sentido, pero es justo lo que ella quiere y disfruta tanto.
Las escenas de sexo fueron demasiado intensas pero no eróticas. Eran complejas y depravadas pero no hot, como dice Adrian:
Llore al final, no lo esperaba pero fue perfecto.
Entendí que el punto principal de la historia no eran las locuras de Badger, si no como Adrian dejo que todas sus experiencias con Badger la hicieron poner en perspectiva su vid. Ella toma lo mejor de una situación tragica y la huzo para encontrase a si misma.
Espero con ansias mas libros de esta autora.
Larga Vida a C.M. McKenna
"Badger's justice was impersonal and thoughtless and selfish, exactly like the crimes he avenged. He was karma on a bike. He was perfect."
Este libro es uno de los mejores que leí en todo el año. Me gusto tanto que decidí no leer nada mas para que este fuera mi broche de oro del 2015.
Me gusto mucho la portada.En uno océano lleno de portadas con modelos guapos, fue refrescante ver una portada como esta.
La historia me trajo revuelta de emociones, me pareció una historia contradictoria, pero original y con una prosa sobresaliente. La autora maneja una narrativa llena de analogias que si bien te ayuda a ver la personalidad de los protagonistas también embellecen mucho la historia.
"They called him the badger because he was rabid and aggressive, black and grey."
Para mi la principal característica del dark romance es ver como el amor no te hace crecer como persona es decir, un personaje no se esfuerza por llegar a ser bueno, que es lo que hace a este libro tan especial para mi, el protagonista en ningún momento quiere ser bueno, o quiere cambiar es mas ni siquiera es capaz de intentarlo. El es feliz como es... bueno no es feliz, el simplemente es el Badger.
"I wanted to live in a world with the Badger in it. Not because he made anything better or worse, just because it was a more interesting place to call home."
Adentrándonos en la historia.
La historia gira en torno a un Vigilante encapuchado al que llaman Badger que anda por la ciudad en su bicicleta castigando a las personas que son groseras o cometen alguna falta. Cuando la historia avanza y conocemos quien es el en realidad es imposible no sentirse fascinada por ese personaje, si me quede con muchas ganas de saber mas sobre el, pero lo poco que supimos de su infancia fue tan fuerte que no se si mi corazón hubiera soportando mas.
Envidie a Badger. En algunos puntos de mi vida me encantaría tener un poco de la locura que lo llevaba a ser tan impulsivo y castigar a las personas que lo merecen.
Ame a Isaac, llore por su infancia y desenlace.
"… from a traumatized little kid into a walking bomb."
La protagonista es aburrida, lo cual para mi fue algo bueno. Estoy acostumbrada a tener protagonistas o que son perfectas o que están demasiado rotas. Pero Adrian no esta en ninguno de esos grupos. Ella es una chava común y corriente con la que es fácil sentirse identificada, que tiene su puñado de malas decisiones que viene arrastrando.
Su vida siente que es tan insignificante que por eso se obsesiona tanto con el Badger, desde su primer encuentro y en su relación se llega a comportarse de una forma que no tiene sentido, pero es justo lo que ella quiere y disfruta tanto.
"We kissed like fucking had never been invented, and this was the nastiest dish on the menu. "
Las escenas de sexo fueron demasiado intensas pero no eróticas. Eran complejas y depravadas pero no hot, como dice Adrian:
"Getting Isaac hard was, well, hard."
Llore al final, no lo esperaba pero fue perfecto.
Entendí que el punto principal de la historia no eran las locuras de Badger, si no como Adrian dejo que todas sus experiencias con Badger la hicieron poner en perspectiva su vid. Ella toma lo mejor de una situación tragica y la huzo para encontrase a si misma.
Espero con ansias mas libros de esta autora.
Larga Vida a C.M. McKenna
January 29, 2016
Badger broke my heart.
So unexpectedly.
So surprisingly easy,
The taste of heartbreak is still on my tongue,
Evidence clear on the puffiness under my eyes.
"My drug was nearly six feet tall now, clad in a striped jacket instead of an orange bottle.
But it still didn't love me back."
Heartbreak started with a hoodlum with a dark hoodie but a colorful bicycle.
The delinquent boy took revenge on people who did something wrong.
Only for paying them back.
Heartbreak are white paint balls.
A woman who searched him until he found her.
"Then again, it was Badger who'd made me cry, but it was Badger who'd made me feel alive."
Heartbreak continued with late night walks and a bond that was created between a thug and
an addict.
The boy with the yellow bicycle didn't treat her nicely, but sometimes there was softness behind his eyes.
And he learned her how to be strong.
"I wanted to imprint myself on his scabby black heart the way he was stamped on my soft bruised one."
Heartbreak was fired paint balls.
An avenging dark knight.
A soft-girl who got so strong.
A boy who refused to love.
Groupies. News. A wanted delinquent.
The story wasn't romantic, but I swooned.
It was meant to break your heart, but I smiled through tears.
Badger wasn't capable of love, but I loved him.
December 28, 2015
#1 BOOK OF 2015!
WOW... so tragically beautiful, so deeply intense. Loved it!
WOW... so tragically beautiful, so deeply intense. Loved it!
Read
December 17, 2015It's a wrap at 27%. I can't get into this one and after searching for spoilers in reviews I'm glad I decided to stop because I'm sure I would of wanted to throw my kindle at the end and I love my kindle. lol
I'm glad so many loved this one it's just not one that grabbed me:((
I'm glad so many loved this one it's just not one that grabbed me:((
December 19, 2015
4.5 stars
It’s not for the faint of heart, it’s packed with action..and a touch of romance.Wish there was more romance, not just self hatred, and less emphasis on the whole vigilante thing.I didn’t like that I had to doubt Badger’s moral compass and his motivations. This story was a subtle and complicated narrative, a mixture of vigilante action, dark romance, disturbed and twisted perception of love and making sex, and antihero qualitites. The imagery was vivid, and the personalities were intriguing.
The ending was the right one I think, it couldn’t have been different, but I felt it was a little bit rushed. I needed a more complete resolution to the many issues and problems the characters were all facing.
Read the book to form your own opinion of Badger. But be warned it is fiercely violent and disturbing, but a great enjoyable read with an excellent insight to the vigilante justice.
It’s not for the faint of heart, it’s packed with action..and a touch of romance.Wish there was more romance, not just self hatred, and less emphasis on the whole vigilante thing.I didn’t like that I had to doubt Badger’s moral compass and his motivations. This story was a subtle and complicated narrative, a mixture of vigilante action, dark romance, disturbed and twisted perception of love and making sex, and antihero qualitites. The imagery was vivid, and the personalities were intriguing.
The ending was the right one I think, it couldn’t have been different, but I felt it was a little bit rushed. I needed a more complete resolution to the many issues and problems the characters were all facing.
Read the book to form your own opinion of Badger. But be warned it is fiercely violent and disturbing, but a great enjoyable read with an excellent insight to the vigilante justice.
December 3, 2015
An odd, fucked up but but good book. That one scene though...UMMM NO!
HAHAHAAHHAHAHA!
HAHAHAAHHAHAHA!
September 19, 2015
5 are not enough stars for this book!
‘People said he was dirty and feral, an urban transient. People loved or hated him.’
There are certain books that deserve to be read in one sitting to fully appreciate and maximise that intense and incredible emotional connection you ultimately feel when you are swept away in the story and characters. To be so fully immersed in a journey so vivid – ugly yet flawless – so gritty and powerful that you travel with it as if your whole body and mind is swept up in its rapid watery current.
“Why on earth would you love me? What have I ever done that would make you feel whatever that feels like?”
“I don’t know.” Why is rain wet or snow cold? It just is. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be what it was.’
We have always been avid lovers of Cara McKenna’s writing but we have to say Badger left us in stunned awe of this Author. There is no question that what she gave us in Badger surpassed anything we have ever read by her, it was quite simply awe inspiring perfection.
‘He was so deeply screwed up, no one person, no well-intentioned woman, stood a chance of being enough to make up everything that had happened to him. Especially not one as unremarkable and flawed as me.’
Badger went beyond every expectation and thoughts we had upon starting this story. Yes the synopsis gripped us and we knew we HAD to read it, but we were not prepared in the slightest. You have to suspend much of what you may be used to and what you feel is right. Leave it at the door as you enter a story that will have every single one of your senses on high alert. You will cry. Not a few measly tears of compassion, no….you will CRY. You will laugh as situations so dark and disturbing have an injection of sarcasm and irony. You will be tested morally and perhaps even further. You may even judge. You will be provoked and think how incredibly ugly this story is, you may even think it’s a lost cause so why continue?
“Give up on me, Adrian, for fuck’s sake.”
“You make it sound awfully easy.”
Why? Because it’s one of the most powerful stories we’ve read in a long time. Because it is written in such a way it commands you to not be a quitter. To show such strength, compassion and understanding. To see beyond mere words and actions, till you feel and see the human heart trying it’s best to be what it needs to be – all it can be – under the circumstances. To overcome and live with the past, the now and the future.
‘His damage was all so much more tangible than mine, so tactile. Like the darkest scenes from his life were stamped in Braille across his skin.’
Badger is not your usual romance, in fact to call this a romance would not be entirely fitting. Badger is a story of love; the love that when stripped down to its unique components consists of loyalty, respect, compassion, empathy and a deep rooted sense of empowerment and self-realisation. That love when you feel and know you need to be with the other person whether it be right or wrong because the pull and the feeling of being without is incomprehensible.
“I’m riding around and everyone and everything is either black and white or bright, angry red, everyone blurry and 2-D, there to be ignored or attacked. Except you. I’m riding around in fuzzy, flat monochrome, then there’s you, all in color, in focus, in like, five dimensions.”
This Author managed to write a story that is unlike any we’ve read before. She takes subjects that yes have been written about countless of times in our romance fiction, but what she tells us in her story is like none of its predecessors. She says yeah I’ll see your completely broken man and raise you a ‘Badger’ and I’ll see your struggling woman trying to rebuild her life as well as herself and I’ll raise you an Adrian Birch.
‘He was very human behind all the animal mannerisms. Very human and very, very screwed up.’
“Did I traumatize you?”
Whilst yes – we get one side of a story – we are given so much more. Biased? Perhaps but the journey we saw through Adrian’s eyes gave us everything…..absolutely everything. Cara McKenna gave us a story that felt true, honest and uncompromised. Bravo, such a breath of fresh air through a raw, morose, dark and almost hopeless journey.
“The only bearable thing about being human is that you can change, the second you feel like.”
Badger and Adrian Birch are not your stereotypical characters; you may have never even come across such or even ever again. However, we of a man and a woman trying to do their best in life with the hand they’ve been dealt. We implore you to pick up Badger, we have to be honest here, we don’t even know how we are supposed to move on from this story……..
‘When I watched him leave for the last time, I knew it would feel like he’d eaten my heart straight out of my chest. He might as well know the taste of my blood.’
**Reviewed from an ARC Copy provided by Brain Mill Press, with thanks **
✦✦✦ TB Blog :TotallybookedBlog
✦✦✦ Come say Hi : TB on Facebook
✦✦✦Follow us: TB on Twitter
✦✦✦Check out: TB on Pinterest
✦✦✦ We're on TSU: TB on TSU
September 19, 2015
5 are not enough stars for this book!
‘People said he was dirty and feral, an urban transient. People loved or hated him.’
There are certain books that deserve to be read in one sitting to fully appreciate and maximise that intense and incredible emotional connection you ultimately feel when you are swept away in the story and characters. To be so fully immersed in a journey so vivid – ugly yet flawless – so gritty and powerful that you travel with it as if your whole body and mind is swept up in its rapid watery current.
“Why on earth would you love me? What have I ever done that would make you feel whatever that feels like?”
“I don’t know.” Why is rain wet or snow cold? It just is. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be what it was.’
We have always been avid lovers of Cara McKenna’s writing but we have to say Badger left us in stunned awe of this Author. There is no question that what she gave us in Badger surpassed anything we have ever read by her, it was quite simply awe inspiring perfection.
‘He was so deeply screwed up, no one person, no well-intentioned woman, stood a chance of being enough to make up everything that had happened to him. Especially not one as unremarkable and flawed as me.’
Badger went beyond every expectation and thoughts we had upon starting this story. Yes the synopsis gripped us and we knew we HAD to read it, but we were not prepared in the slightest. You have to suspend much of what you may be used to and what you feel is right. Leave it at the door as you enter a story that will have every single one of your senses on high alert. You will cry. Not a few measly tears of compassion, no….you will CRY. You will laugh as situations so dark and disturbing have an injection of sarcasm and irony. You will be tested morally and perhaps even further. You may even judge. You will be provoked and think how incredibly ugly this story is, you may even think it’s a lost cause so why continue?
“Give up on me, Adrian, for fuck’s sake.”
“You make it sound awfully easy.”
Why? Because it’s one of the most powerful stories we’ve read in a long time. Because it is written in such a way it commands you to not be a quitter. To show such strength, compassion and understanding. To see beyond mere words and actions, till you feel and see the human heart trying it’s best to be what it needs to be – all it can be – under the circumstances. To overcome and live with the past, the now and the future.
‘His damage was all so much more tangible than mine, so tactile. Like the darkest scenes from his life were stamped in Braille across his skin.’
Badger is not your usual romance, in fact to call this a romance would not be entirely fitting. Badger is a story of love; the love that when stripped down to its unique components consists of loyalty, respect, compassion, empathy and a deep rooted sense of empowerment and self-realisation. That love when you feel and know you need to be with the other person whether it be right or wrong because the pull and the feeling of being without is incomprehensible.
“I’m riding around and everyone and everything is either black and white or bright, angry red, everyone blurry and 2-D, there to be ignored or attacked. Except you. I’m riding around in fuzzy, flat monochrome, then there’s you, all in color, in focus, in like, five dimensions.”
This Author managed to write a story that is unlike any we’ve read before. She takes subjects that yes have been written about countless of times in our romance fiction, but what she tells us in her story is like none of its predecessors. She says yeah I’ll see your completely broken man and raise you a ‘Badger’ and I’ll see your struggling woman trying to rebuild her life as well as herself and I’ll raise you an Adrian Birch.
‘He was very human behind all the animal mannerisms. Very human and very, very screwed up.’
“Did I traumatize you?”
Whilst yes – we get one side of a story – we are given so much more. Biased? Perhaps but the journey we saw through Adrian’s eyes gave us everything…..absolutely everything. Cara McKenna gave us a story that felt true, honest and uncompromised. Bravo, such a breath of fresh air through a raw, morose, dark and almost hopeless journey.
“The only bearable thing about being human is that you can change, the second you feel like.”
Badger and Adrian Birch are not your stereotypical characters; you may have never even come across such or even ever again. However, we of a man and a woman trying to do their best in life with the hand they’ve been dealt. We implore you to pick up Badger, we have to be honest here, we don’t even know how we are supposed to move on from this story……..
‘When I watched him leave for the last time, I knew it would feel like he’d eaten my heart straight out of my chest. He might as well know the taste of my blood.’
**Reviewed from an ARC Copy provided by Brain Mill Press, with thanks **
✦✦✦ TB Blog :TotallybookedBlog
✦✦✦ Come say Hi : TB on Facebook
✦✦✦Follow us: TB on Twitter
✦✦✦Check out: TB on Pinterest
✦✦✦ We're on TSU: TB on TSU
November 24, 2015
So, I took the plunge and got this.
Will be reading it next, maybe or maybe later on, idk yet ...
DONE!
I'm dead right now. Will attempt to review this book when I get my mind and heart functioning again.
Update 12 Oct 2015
"My heart sped, like a drunk hummingbird banging around inside my ribs."
I generally to be constructive in my reviews but this is one of the rare ones when it's just a jumble of thoughts and personal reactions to the story.
It is an emotionally intense story, very dark and disturbing and it took a lot of courage for me to read it, yet was totally worth it. I strongly urge everyone to give it a try, though be warned this story shows some of the the ugliest sides of life with brutal honesty.
I have a hard time defining the genre of this book - it's not a romance, though it's a story about love (and the lack of it). It's a contemporary tale of darkness and self-discovery, a story of two people coming together briefly and changing each other's lives forever.
The story is told from Adrian's POV and I found her voice deeply engaging and easy to connect with - she is dealing with the consequences of pill addiction - trying to (re)build her life, to find purpose and meaning.
Now, what can I say about Badger, he is unlike any other character I've ever read. My heart broke for him, I was literally in tears by the end of the book. He is a vigilante but he is no hero, let alone a romantic one, yet the ending of the story (and his life) was a moment of profound emotion and feeling for me.
Ms McKenna plays and subverts the very foundations of romance (what we see as romantic, heroic, what is means to love, to care, to feel connection and empathy), yet it's a story about love. It's brutal and painful, and truly disgusting at times but so is life and especially the life of these characters.
The story doesn't have a happy ending in the sense of Adrian and Badger coming together and overcoming their issues with the sheer power of true love. It;s not one of those type of story. It's a real one, where Adrian learns to be herself, to love herself and to be strong and independent the hard way and I think Badger got to experience love and affection in his own way before leaving a world he didn't fit it. It's the only way their story could end, yet I left me completely devastated. I have this weird association with Sons of Anarchy TV show - a sense of helplessness, of no other choice possible, of death being the only option.
Abuse is often present in romance, it's treated in different ways but I haven't read anything like the way it was presented here and I doubt I ever will.
The romantic in me struggled with the idea that there are people who are broken beyond repair, I want (naively, probably) to believe that everyone can be saved, that sufferings and hurts can be made manageable, that life (and love and happiness) is possible with them remaining part of us but not destroying us completely. I know it's more of a wishful thinking on my part than a real possibility, yet Badger's story hurt, hurt because it can happen and it does happen way too often in real life .
I have to admit Badger's death made me convinced that he was capable of feelings, of love in his own fucked-up way. There was no place for him in Adrian's life or in anyone else's life but the book left me with a vaguely optimistic feelings that things will be all right.
Ms McKenna's writing is superb as usual, engaging, raw, very uncompromising and honest. This is a bold unconventional story about finding your way, about abuse, about love! A recommended read, not for the faint of heart.
Will be reading it next, maybe or maybe later on, idk yet ...
DONE!
I'm dead right now. Will attempt to review this book when I get my mind and heart functioning again.
Update 12 Oct 2015
"My heart sped, like a drunk hummingbird banging around inside my ribs."
I generally to be constructive in my reviews but this is one of the rare ones when it's just a jumble of thoughts and personal reactions to the story.
It is an emotionally intense story, very dark and disturbing and it took a lot of courage for me to read it, yet was totally worth it. I strongly urge everyone to give it a try, though be warned this story shows some of the the ugliest sides of life with brutal honesty.
I have a hard time defining the genre of this book - it's not a romance, though it's a story about love (and the lack of it). It's a contemporary tale of darkness and self-discovery, a story of two people coming together briefly and changing each other's lives forever.
The story is told from Adrian's POV and I found her voice deeply engaging and easy to connect with - she is dealing with the consequences of pill addiction - trying to (re)build her life, to find purpose and meaning.
Now, what can I say about Badger, he is unlike any other character I've ever read. My heart broke for him, I was literally in tears by the end of the book. He is a vigilante but he is no hero, let alone a romantic one, yet the ending of the story (and his life) was a moment of profound emotion and feeling for me.
Ms McKenna plays and subverts the very foundations of romance (what we see as romantic, heroic, what is means to love, to care, to feel connection and empathy), yet it's a story about love. It's brutal and painful, and truly disgusting at times but so is life and especially the life of these characters.
The story doesn't have a happy ending in the sense of Adrian and Badger coming together and overcoming their issues with the sheer power of true love. It;s not one of those type of story. It's a real one, where Adrian learns to be herself, to love herself and to be strong and independent the hard way and I think Badger got to experience love and affection in his own way before leaving a world he didn't fit it. It's the only way their story could end, yet I left me completely devastated. I have this weird association with Sons of Anarchy TV show - a sense of helplessness, of no other choice possible, of death being the only option.
Abuse is often present in romance, it's treated in different ways but I haven't read anything like the way it was presented here and I doubt I ever will.
The romantic in me struggled with the idea that there are people who are broken beyond repair, I want (naively, probably) to believe that everyone can be saved, that sufferings and hurts can be made manageable, that life (and love and happiness) is possible with them remaining part of us but not destroying us completely. I know it's more of a wishful thinking on my part than a real possibility, yet Badger's story hurt, hurt because it can happen and it does happen way too often in real life .
I have to admit Badger's death made me convinced that he was capable of feelings, of love in his own fucked-up way. There was no place for him in Adrian's life or in anyone else's life but the book left me with a vaguely optimistic feelings that things will be all right.
Ms McKenna's writing is superb as usual, engaging, raw, very uncompromising and honest. This is a bold unconventional story about finding your way, about abuse, about love! A recommended read, not for the faint of heart.
February 6, 2016
Fair warning: this book will break your heart and it WON'T fix it. So don't go into this one expecting the warm and tinglies because it has very few. That being said, this book was f'n fantastic. It was superbly written from our hauntingly relatable heroine to our tortured hero. The plot is unique. And even though you go in KNOWING it's not going to end up the way you want, you still root for it. I stayed up late, bawling my eyes out over the last couple pages. And given that it is really difficult to make me cry, that, to me, is the sign of some really great writing.
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