The vibessss. Hands down the best book I had read in 2024!
“ 梨花理解了,我不是自己的一部分,从懵懂无知的儿时起,到泰然自若地重复着难以置信的非法行为时,无论是善意还是恶行,矛盾还是荒逻,这一切的一切,才是我这个人的全部。而且,如今抛弃一切踏上逃亡之路,并打算逃到更远的地方,相信能够逃之了天天的那个人,也是我自己。”
I decided to read this book after watching its Korean adaption,希望从角田光代的小说中读懂“梨花”.
Even though it was a 5 star read, I feel so overwhelmed while reading it omg. It was not an easy read. At some parts I wanted to vomit. It was so scary, the psychology behind embezzlement. After a while money just becomes money, if it’s too much. The book is much more detailed than the drama, and in some ways more explicit, detailing the number of accounts the heroine has and the interest rates and everything, and at some point it became overwhelming for me as well.
I got triggered twice while reading this. Once when 梨花's friend 亚纪 was pregnant, it was quite depressing, watching your friend get pregnant and 梨花's internal turmoil at deciding if she should contact her. It was isolating, lonely, and the start of her disconnection from others that I could relate to at some point. The second time I was triggered at the part on 亚纪's spending habits - I thought, 太恐怖了. It makes you think anyone, even myself can fall into this kind of trap and credit card debt. The psychology behind it is so scary. You think you wouldn’t fall but everyone is vulnerable. Im currently applying for my first credit card while reading this. Maybe it’s superstition, it makes me think, I hope this fiction book doesn’t hit too close to my real life.
I don’t know if I’ll regret reading this. My relationship with money is very pure, I still think my relationship with money is pretty simple and healthy. I spend, but I don't go overboard. I neither fear nor desire money too much. I had some qualms about reading this book, not sure if would not awaken me too much or make me more sensitive towards money. It’s dangerous, reading these lines - “对梨花来说,这些才像自己的原本的日常生活”, “这里才应该是我的归属啊,梨花心想”. I shuddered. I am not easily / I will not be influenced by money, I intend for my stance to remain the same way my whole life - I am not enslaved by money, why would I want to change? But as I read, I begin to think, “My dream house, with black tiles and classy furnish like a hotel? How about that? A high rise penthouse with stunning city views? Full length windows? That’s what I deserve, not a 3 room flat” these kind of thoughts. And it was scary, how a book can influence desires and thoughts (though temporal because I'm in a book mood for a certain time only). I saw this Youtube short, where they asked, what do you wish you placed less importance on when you're young? And an old woman replied, "Things. Do not place any emphasis on it. They do not matter." Things. Don't worry about them. Don't stress about them. They get less important as you get older. That new Rolex watch? That Dyson Airwrap? It all seems so important now, but they're irrelevant in the long run. I bought this mindset, it gave me so much wisdom.
At first this story seems like its about crime or money, the embezzlement taking most of the action. But upon close inspection, I think at its heart it is a story of love…梨花,你买了什么? 你想要得到什么?
That the goods we buy are not the goods we buy, but rather, we are buying acceptance, love, freedom? Power? Liberation? Can love and kindness then exist without money? I'd say yes. What about, can women be happy without money? I say yes too, with God. All these things can exist without money. But the characters in the book struggle to see that in their lived experiences. All the characters have transactional relationships, everyone is trying to get something out of someone. All are exchanging love for money, or money for love. It's just like how they say, women use sex to get love, but here, women use money to get love.
Page 290- Why do single people always spend a lot and shopping while married people thrift and scrimp and save and repress themselves and occupied with financial cares and worries? Will I become like 牧子 if I marry a poor man? That at the end of the day, has this matter nothing to do if the husband is rich or poor? That every marriage has its difficulties, and the problem's root shouldn't and couldn't be resolved by money— despite us being tempted to think that way.
这个事情 不关与老公有没有钱的联系, 而结婚问题一定有,而问题 会不会用钱解决?
Lastly, the vibessss. I like books that feel like a fever dream. This book nailed it. 读起来隐隐约约,像迷迷糊糊酒吧里的男男女女,已经像儿时的梦一样遥远,搞不清楚了。 I remember vividly that scene, where the hero tells our heroine, 梨花,觉得你真好啊。This book has a love affair and a loveless marriage, taking a decidedly dramatic approach of the Anna Karenina or Madame Bovary vein. It always begins with emptiness, then the heroine finds something else. Every scene was dreamlike, haunting, introspective, and a little bit desperate. Sometimes even romanticised—just like how Anna tragically threw herself under a train, 梨花’s life crumbling beautifully.
After I finished the book, I was left feeling so empty. The lack of closure is infuriating. I never this book left me like this before. Also when faced with the question, “What is your characters definition of happiness?” Kim seohyung (the korean actress that portrayed 梨花), found it difficult to answer. I think that's what make it so great. The character of 梨花 is complicated, and so lovingly light and shadow, so lovingly human. They may say, none of the characters are lovable, but I found 梨花 very attractive and appreciated this character.