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Sex and the Office: Women, Men, and the Sex Partition That's Dividing the Workplace
Women are not to blame for their lack of advancement at work. Failure to lean in and greater responsibility for childcare don’t fully explain why women are not reaching the top levels of many corporations. The truth is, many senior male executives are reluctant to have a one-on-one meeting with a junior woman at work. They’re afraid that an offhand remark will be misinterpreted as sexual harassment or that their friendliness will be mistaken for romantic interest. As a result, many male executives stick with other men, especially when it comes to dinners, drinks, late-night meetings, or business trips. When it’s time for promotions or pay raises, these same executives are more likely to show preference to the employees with whom they feel most comfortable—other men. In Sex and the Office, Kim Elsesser delves into how issues as varied as workplace romance, spousal jealousy, organizational sexual harassment policies, and communication differences create barriers between the sexes at work. Since senior management is still largely dominated by men, these barriers—which Elsesser labels “the sex partition”—often leave female employees without the influential friends and mentors critical for career success. Fortunately, all hope is not lost. Elsesser offers practical advice on how to break down the sex partition and reveals the best strategies for networking with the opposite sex. Sex and the Office is sure to spark new dialogue on the sources of the gender gap as well as its solutions.
- GenresPsychology
251 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2015
6 people are currently reading
73 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
March 11, 2022
"In sex and the Office" Elsesser presents and argues for a slightly different explanation behind discrepancies in pay between men and women. It's a good one. A very good one (although, fair warning, this book did include a lot of "confirmations" of my own thoughts and reasoning).
She argues that the single most important factor behind the pay discrepancy is something she has termed "the sex partition" - the groupings along sex lines at work. The way to reach equal pay, for her, is to bridge the sex gap in who we spend time with during and after work, to make sure that sex is not a determining factor behind who can find and ride the best mentors and sponsors.
Along the way she makes a great case for how a lot of the policies (at least superficially) aimed at promoting equality very often achieve the exact opposite of the stated goals - how, for example, sexual harassment training frequently hinder women's chances at advancement by quite literally scaring potential mentors away, and how diversity programs may create and/or reinforce the impression that people are more different (and that some are in need of special treatment) than we really are. She also points out how attitudes and experiences - among men and women both - don't necessarily correspond with what we might expect when too much gets attributed to and blamed on various -isms.
(Elsesser is extremely careful to clarify, though, that the concepts themselves aren't inherently wrong, just that the methods need to be better and result-oriented. Similarly, she clarifies that just because men and women aren't all that dissimilar, that doesn't mean we are all the same either.)
Essentially, the sex partition is a very specific application of in- and out groups. It states that people who have access to the right people get both the best training and the best opportunities. Specifically, because men dominate at more senior positions, those who have access to those men will receive more preferential treatment and opportunities.
Yeah, it's pretty basic - and it's also not like Elsesser is alone in outlining this as a problem. However, unlike too many others, Elsesser does not see deliberate discrimination behind every door and is more interested in solving the problem(s) than assigning blame. Not surprisingly then, she is less worried about "correcting" attitudes - that sometimes don't even need correcting - and arrives at different solutions (the overarching one being to treat everyone the same, but build in sex partition bridge-building as default).
I think everyone should read this book. Not only do I think it would help on the macro level, I also think that it would greatly benefit the individual - female and male alike. Because it doesn't just outline a policy plan for moving forward, the author also provides specific tips and tricks that one can adapt today (for selfish and/or altruistic reasons) .
The biggest issue I imagine this book might encounter is perception. I don't mean perception of the book, but general perception of how the workplace functions. We live in this myth of how hard work pays off and favoritism is bad. While, yeah, I agree, ideally that'd be the case, it simply isn't so. The workplace runs on nepotism and cronyism. Period. However, what Elsesser argues (and I seriously could not agree more!) is that that cronyism isn't inherently (or even generally) deliberately sexist (or racist, or whatever the divide of choice is). This is not an easy nuance to arrive at, especially in a highly competitive and divisive environment. As humans we're both A) hardwired to spot patterns and resent unfairness, and B) equally hardwired to interpret purpose and design behind outcomes. Sprinkle that mess with some antagonism and fear, and shades of grey tend toward black and white.
I think that's why Elsesser did what she did - and made me suffer in the process...
Now, I obviously agree with the general argument in the book. But I do have some criticisms of it as well. The writing is very accessible, to a fault even. So it's not that, per se. No, the primary reason for my suffering was that the book contained waaay too many anecdotes and personal perspectives, from the author herself and interviewees both. They really wore me thin. It took me almost a year to get through this book (ok, most of that was a bunch of false starts, but still)! I think the reason the author elected to include so many personal perspectives/anecdotes was to try and humanize the above mentioned nuance. I think she felt the need to anchor her argument in individual people other than in theoretical and academic reasoning. But damn, that was rough!
Unlike the anecdotes, what I did miss was a bit of a run down of other purportedly explanatory factors behind the pay gap. I also missed a more fleshed-out explanation of how the sex partition ties in to human behavior in general. Finally, it sounds to me like Elsesser is asking the sex partition to account for the entirety of the pay gap. I have a very hard time swallowing that. Both for reasons of choices (like the adjusted pay gap relies heavily on) and because, well, some discrimination really is deliberate.
Nonetheless, I highly recommend this book. It's neither an easy read, nor is it particularly enjoyable, but I think the argument it champions is absolutely crucial in obtaining equality. Even if you don't end up agreeing with Elsesser, at the very least, her book should provide an understanding that this is not a black or white issue. That to solve an issue, we need to do our best to understand it.
She argues that the single most important factor behind the pay discrepancy is something she has termed "the sex partition" - the groupings along sex lines at work. The way to reach equal pay, for her, is to bridge the sex gap in who we spend time with during and after work, to make sure that sex is not a determining factor behind who can find and ride the best mentors and sponsors.
Along the way she makes a great case for how a lot of the policies (at least superficially) aimed at promoting equality very often achieve the exact opposite of the stated goals - how, for example, sexual harassment training frequently hinder women's chances at advancement by quite literally scaring potential mentors away, and how diversity programs may create and/or reinforce the impression that people are more different (and that some are in need of special treatment) than we really are. She also points out how attitudes and experiences - among men and women both - don't necessarily correspond with what we might expect when too much gets attributed to and blamed on various -isms.
(Elsesser is extremely careful to clarify, though, that the concepts themselves aren't inherently wrong, just that the methods need to be better and result-oriented. Similarly, she clarifies that just because men and women aren't all that dissimilar, that doesn't mean we are all the same either.)
Essentially, the sex partition is a very specific application of in- and out groups. It states that people who have access to the right people get both the best training and the best opportunities. Specifically, because men dominate at more senior positions, those who have access to those men will receive more preferential treatment and opportunities.
Yeah, it's pretty basic - and it's also not like Elsesser is alone in outlining this as a problem. However, unlike too many others, Elsesser does not see deliberate discrimination behind every door and is more interested in solving the problem(s) than assigning blame. Not surprisingly then, she is less worried about "correcting" attitudes - that sometimes don't even need correcting - and arrives at different solutions (the overarching one being to treat everyone the same, but build in sex partition bridge-building as default).
I think everyone should read this book. Not only do I think it would help on the macro level, I also think that it would greatly benefit the individual - female and male alike. Because it doesn't just outline a policy plan for moving forward, the author also provides specific tips and tricks that one can adapt today (for selfish and/or altruistic reasons) .
The biggest issue I imagine this book might encounter is perception. I don't mean perception of the book, but general perception of how the workplace functions. We live in this myth of how hard work pays off and favoritism is bad. While, yeah, I agree, ideally that'd be the case, it simply isn't so. The workplace runs on nepotism and cronyism. Period. However, what Elsesser argues (and I seriously could not agree more!) is that that cronyism isn't inherently (or even generally) deliberately sexist (or racist, or whatever the divide of choice is). This is not an easy nuance to arrive at, especially in a highly competitive and divisive environment. As humans we're both A) hardwired to spot patterns and resent unfairness, and B) equally hardwired to interpret purpose and design behind outcomes. Sprinkle that mess with some antagonism and fear, and shades of grey tend toward black and white.
I think that's why Elsesser did what she did - and made me suffer in the process...
Now, I obviously agree with the general argument in the book. But I do have some criticisms of it as well. The writing is very accessible, to a fault even. So it's not that, per se. No, the primary reason for my suffering was that the book contained waaay too many anecdotes and personal perspectives, from the author herself and interviewees both. They really wore me thin. It took me almost a year to get through this book (ok, most of that was a bunch of false starts, but still)! I think the reason the author elected to include so many personal perspectives/anecdotes was to try and humanize the above mentioned nuance. I think she felt the need to anchor her argument in individual people other than in theoretical and academic reasoning. But damn, that was rough!
Unlike the anecdotes, what I did miss was a bit of a run down of other purportedly explanatory factors behind the pay gap. I also missed a more fleshed-out explanation of how the sex partition ties in to human behavior in general. Finally, it sounds to me like Elsesser is asking the sex partition to account for the entirety of the pay gap. I have a very hard time swallowing that. Both for reasons of choices (like the adjusted pay gap relies heavily on) and because, well, some discrimination really is deliberate.
Nonetheless, I highly recommend this book. It's neither an easy read, nor is it particularly enjoyable, but I think the argument it champions is absolutely crucial in obtaining equality. Even if you don't end up agreeing with Elsesser, at the very least, her book should provide an understanding that this is not a black or white issue. That to solve an issue, we need to do our best to understand it.
February 23, 2018
Written by my gender psych professor. It was pretty interesting and the writing was easy and nice to follow. My only complaint is that she tended to repeat some concepts quite often throughout the book but other than that it was a pretty solid book.
March 28, 2016
Why is it, after so much hard work to achieve equality, that women still earn less and advance less in their chosen professions than men? The author presents some well-reasoned answers that will surprise many. While sexual harassment policies have undoubtedly eliminated some bad behavior, those policies have helped to create fear as well. Why risk trouble being friendly and helpful to junior women when a senior man can mentor another male instead? And then there's the subject of office romances (and jealousies) and how they can muddy the waters. Not to mention the difficulties surrounding men and women on business trips.
Is there a way out of such difficulties? The author reserves several chapters for outlining what organizations can do to help both men and women achieve more satisfying and helpful ways to relate. Well-researched and written in an engaging style, this book will spark new discussion on workplace dynamics.
Is there a way out of such difficulties? The author reserves several chapters for outlining what organizations can do to help both men and women achieve more satisfying and helpful ways to relate. Well-researched and written in an engaging style, this book will spark new discussion on workplace dynamics.
December 4, 2015
This book is just packed with information on women's rights, sexual harassment in the work place, and the relationships between men and women in the work place. It can be a controversial topic, but this is written very black and white.
If you're a young aspiring female, this is a great book to read just to have the information stored in the brain. You never know when this is going to be an issue, or when you will need to know your rights as a woman in the workplace.
It's a difficult topic for both parties, the woman in the workplace who's at risk, along with the men who are accused or worried of being accused of being difficult. A man is worried about how he comes off, and what comments might be taken wrong.
Overall this is a great book for everyone to read, it had information that everyone should be aware of! I give this book a 4/5.
If you're a young aspiring female, this is a great book to read just to have the information stored in the brain. You never know when this is going to be an issue, or when you will need to know your rights as a woman in the workplace.
It's a difficult topic for both parties, the woman in the workplace who's at risk, along with the men who are accused or worried of being accused of being difficult. A man is worried about how he comes off, and what comments might be taken wrong.
Overall this is a great book for everyone to read, it had information that everyone should be aware of! I give this book a 4/5.
February 27, 2016
I reviewed this book for NetGalley.
Ms. Elsesser shares her extensive knowledge and experience of the difficulties that women have in advancing in the modern workplace. Much of this is due to the still common issues of problems with cross-sex friendships, work relationships, and mentoring. The shadow of sexual harrassment looms over this area as well.
Women, and minorities, working in the modern office world are still a work in progress. I began working in offices in the early 80's in different roles, finally leaving in 2005, and many of the issues and problems still haunt the present office work world. There has been a lot of progress, but more still must occur, and Ms. Elsesser has a number of sound recommendations based on research.
This is an excellent and informative read for anyone embarking on a professional office career. A really good book!
Ms. Elsesser shares her extensive knowledge and experience of the difficulties that women have in advancing in the modern workplace. Much of this is due to the still common issues of problems with cross-sex friendships, work relationships, and mentoring. The shadow of sexual harrassment looms over this area as well.
Women, and minorities, working in the modern office world are still a work in progress. I began working in offices in the early 80's in different roles, finally leaving in 2005, and many of the issues and problems still haunt the present office work world. There has been a lot of progress, but more still must occur, and Ms. Elsesser has a number of sound recommendations based on research.
This is an excellent and informative read for anyone embarking on a professional office career. A really good book!
September 5, 2018
Author discusses their thesis about the gender separation that exists in society and how sexual harassment laws add to that and need to be revisited so their intent is preserved but with the goal of maintaining inclusiveness vs the "sex partition" that results from a liability avoidant focussed pov.
August 22, 2016
Interesting topic, but I'm not sure how helpful the suggestions are, and I don't know how much I believe all the research sited.
December 6, 2021
Excellent book focusing on the sex partition, or the barriers between men and women at work. The first section about sexual harassment training was a little slow, but it got much better when the author moved on to other elements of the sex partition and, more importantly, what to do about it. There were a lot of real-life anecdotes to support the ideas presented, and it was overall easy to read. I enjoyed this book and it gave me a lot to think about.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews