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Christians Grieve Too
Donald Howard was minister of St. Peter's Church of England, Sydney when his wife, Diana, at the age of forty contracted cancer. She was to live a further six years but, he writes, although through faith in Christ 'we were ill-prepared for death, I was ill-prepared for grief'. This ill-preparedness, he found, arose from a lack of understanding and two years later he wrote these pages for the help of others. They contain a blend of biblical, pastoral and personal elements and serve to fill a gap on the subject of bereavement.
32 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1980
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
June 21, 2022
Howard recognizes that grief is not something relegated to only certain sections of the human race. Many think of Christians as so full of joy and happiness that they do not grieve over things. In truth, Christians have much to grieve for because they see the fallen world in full color. They see the fallen nature of their own bodies in 3-D. They know their sin intimately.
The Reality of Grief: Those who grieve over death and illness (both physical and mental) are bereaved. They have had something taken from them by force that was unexpected or troubling. Grief is not limited to death or illness, as there are several other tenets that live in the house of grief like divorce, loss of job, etc. Grief is not limited to adults - children and teens can experience grief and very often do not know how to process that grief in a healthy manner. Grieving is a process that shows some patterns, but is different for every individual. Many have not plumbed the depths of their own griefs, finding new and uncovered areas frequently over the same source of grief. Christians are able to deal with this grief at perhaps a more streamlined manner than unbelievers because although we know the stereotypical answer to why there is grief (sin), we rarely know the intimate love of peace that Christ offers those who grieve. Christ was a griever (Isaiah 53) who mourned (John 11:25) and sympathized with those who grieve (Hebrews 2:18). His assistance with grief is paramount to overcoming it and vital for bookmarking events in our lives in the tales of Christ's comforting works. The future promise of redemption and reconciliation of all things unto Himself is a promise that we can rest in. But that truth does not and can not alleviate the grief we experience, but it certainly can help us surround our days with the safety of his promises.
The Experience of Grief: There are several physical signs of grief, such as shock, emotional outbursts, physical pain, denial, loss of motivation, loneliness, etc. As stated before, the experiences are different person to person. For myself, the deep grief that I have experienced has literally taken my voice away. The grief affected the core of who I was and all I could do was groan as my entire pysche was held captive by distress.
The Complications in Grief: How we cope with grief will likewise be different for each individual. Some cope with guilt, or anger, or even fear. Guilt for feeling responsible for what happened, anger at God or doctors or ministers can be common depending on the type of grief that is experienced, or fear that the complications of the situation will only get worse than they already are. C.S. Lewis noted that grief feels a lot like fear feels. All of these complications are normal in a way and all of them are bound to the Providence of God. He actively works for our Good (Romans 8:28). Christians can be freed from grief, but it can also be used by Christ to knock our house of cards down and return to his house.
The Relief of Grief: One of the biggest assumptions about grief is that there is relief to be found for it. There are natural gifts from God that help us walk through grief, such as trained doctors who are able to see that we make progress towards relief from grief. But there are also supernatural ways to relieve grief. One is to repent of any underlying sin on your life, bit because the circumstances were caused by your sin (through that may be the case), but simply because sin keeps us from the close and intimate relationship with Christ and repenting of that sin will bring us closer to the source of all that is good. Prayer is a wonderful way to relieve grief simply because we are talking to the one who intercedes for us. Robert Murray M'Cheyne speaks on how if we were able to hear Christ's prayers for us in the next room over, we would not fear a million enemies. Yet this is what Christ does for us constantly and we should not take the distance from heaven to the room next door as a hindrance. He prays for us just the same. Those who are not experiencing intense grief can help those who are through acts of service and love om the behalf of the individual or family who is in deep grief. This can be something as simple as providing a meal, a prayer, or a conversation. We should not let our friendship end at the funeral, or at the doctor's office, or 2 weeks after the grief has hit. We should continue on throughout the whole process to provide the community that supports and cherishes those who grieve.
Hope in our grief: Relief and hope are two different things but also two very similar things. We can experience one without the other, but in terms of hope there are several practical ways that can be attained. The local church should be a source of comfort and peace for those who are grieving. Scripture tells us of our great and future hope in Christ. Christ's resurrection was a fulfillment of a promise that is now and not yet. Hope comes directly through prayer with the one who provides it. Simply listening to those who are grieving can be a great help, and providing insights from those who have walked the path before can be a great source of hope. Showing emotion is a healthy way of joining those who grieve and allows things to not be bottled up and cause a future outburst.
Our blessed Hope: Christian's are not wishful thinkers. We live in the reality of what Christ has done for us and what he promised he will do for us on that final day. Christian's can not go far from Scripture without needing it in their lives. This is because it contains the words of eternal life. A promise of future resurrection stands in an unshakable manner before us and it is on that truth that we base all our future hope, sorrow, anger, and pain. Knowing the great physician will continually care for us and bring us to the firm foundation that is Himself.
The Reality of Grief: Those who grieve over death and illness (both physical and mental) are bereaved. They have had something taken from them by force that was unexpected or troubling. Grief is not limited to death or illness, as there are several other tenets that live in the house of grief like divorce, loss of job, etc. Grief is not limited to adults - children and teens can experience grief and very often do not know how to process that grief in a healthy manner. Grieving is a process that shows some patterns, but is different for every individual. Many have not plumbed the depths of their own griefs, finding new and uncovered areas frequently over the same source of grief. Christians are able to deal with this grief at perhaps a more streamlined manner than unbelievers because although we know the stereotypical answer to why there is grief (sin), we rarely know the intimate love of peace that Christ offers those who grieve. Christ was a griever (Isaiah 53) who mourned (John 11:25) and sympathized with those who grieve (Hebrews 2:18). His assistance with grief is paramount to overcoming it and vital for bookmarking events in our lives in the tales of Christ's comforting works. The future promise of redemption and reconciliation of all things unto Himself is a promise that we can rest in. But that truth does not and can not alleviate the grief we experience, but it certainly can help us surround our days with the safety of his promises.
The Experience of Grief: There are several physical signs of grief, such as shock, emotional outbursts, physical pain, denial, loss of motivation, loneliness, etc. As stated before, the experiences are different person to person. For myself, the deep grief that I have experienced has literally taken my voice away. The grief affected the core of who I was and all I could do was groan as my entire pysche was held captive by distress.
The Complications in Grief: How we cope with grief will likewise be different for each individual. Some cope with guilt, or anger, or even fear. Guilt for feeling responsible for what happened, anger at God or doctors or ministers can be common depending on the type of grief that is experienced, or fear that the complications of the situation will only get worse than they already are. C.S. Lewis noted that grief feels a lot like fear feels. All of these complications are normal in a way and all of them are bound to the Providence of God. He actively works for our Good (Romans 8:28). Christians can be freed from grief, but it can also be used by Christ to knock our house of cards down and return to his house.
The Relief of Grief: One of the biggest assumptions about grief is that there is relief to be found for it. There are natural gifts from God that help us walk through grief, such as trained doctors who are able to see that we make progress towards relief from grief. But there are also supernatural ways to relieve grief. One is to repent of any underlying sin on your life, bit because the circumstances were caused by your sin (through that may be the case), but simply because sin keeps us from the close and intimate relationship with Christ and repenting of that sin will bring us closer to the source of all that is good. Prayer is a wonderful way to relieve grief simply because we are talking to the one who intercedes for us. Robert Murray M'Cheyne speaks on how if we were able to hear Christ's prayers for us in the next room over, we would not fear a million enemies. Yet this is what Christ does for us constantly and we should not take the distance from heaven to the room next door as a hindrance. He prays for us just the same. Those who are not experiencing intense grief can help those who are through acts of service and love om the behalf of the individual or family who is in deep grief. This can be something as simple as providing a meal, a prayer, or a conversation. We should not let our friendship end at the funeral, or at the doctor's office, or 2 weeks after the grief has hit. We should continue on throughout the whole process to provide the community that supports and cherishes those who grieve.
Hope in our grief: Relief and hope are two different things but also two very similar things. We can experience one without the other, but in terms of hope there are several practical ways that can be attained. The local church should be a source of comfort and peace for those who are grieving. Scripture tells us of our great and future hope in Christ. Christ's resurrection was a fulfillment of a promise that is now and not yet. Hope comes directly through prayer with the one who provides it. Simply listening to those who are grieving can be a great help, and providing insights from those who have walked the path before can be a great source of hope. Showing emotion is a healthy way of joining those who grieve and allows things to not be bottled up and cause a future outburst.
Our blessed Hope: Christian's are not wishful thinkers. We live in the reality of what Christ has done for us and what he promised he will do for us on that final day. Christian's can not go far from Scripture without needing it in their lives. This is because it contains the words of eternal life. A promise of future resurrection stands in an unshakable manner before us and it is on that truth that we base all our future hope, sorrow, anger, and pain. Knowing the great physician will continually care for us and bring us to the firm foundation that is Himself.
January 9, 2024
This book was very helpful about reminding us of the hope we have in Christ but also showing that it's okay to grieve. Howard did an excellent job of touching on specific areas that are helpful for the grieving process too.
July 29, 2009
How to minister to the bereaved
May 3, 2019
One of the best of these Banner pamphlets for being reasonable and concise.
October 27, 2019
A short manual on how to minister to the grieving.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews