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Love Wins: The Lovers and Lawyers Who Fought the Landmark Case for Marriage Equality
The fascinating and very moving story of the lovers, lawyers, judges and activists behind the groundbreaking Supreme Court case that led to one of the most important, national civil rights victories in decades—the legalization of same-sex marriage.
In June 2015, the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage the law in all fifty states in a decision as groundbreaking as Roe v Wade and Brown v Board of Education. Through insider accounts and access to key players, this definitive account reveals the dramatic and previously unreported events behind Obergefell v Hodges and the lives at its center. This is a story of law and love—and a promise made to a dying man who wanted to know how he would be remembered.
Twenty years ago, Jim Obergefell and John Arthur fell in love in Cincinnati, Ohio, a place where gays were routinely picked up by police and fired from their jobs. In 2013, the Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had to provide married gay couples all the benefits offered to straight couples. Jim and John—who was dying from ALS—flew to Maryland, where same-sex marriage was legal. But back home, Ohio refused to recognize their union, or even list Jim’s name on John’s death certificate. Then they met Al Gerhardstein, a courageous attorney who had spent nearly three decades advocating for civil rights and who now saw an opening for the cause that few others had before him.
This forceful and deeply affecting narrative—Part Erin Brockovich, part Milk, part Still Alice—chronicles how this grieving man and his lawyer, against overwhelming odds, introduced the most important gay rights case in U.S. history. It is an urgent and unforgettable account that will inspire readers for many years to come.
www.Facebook.com/LoveWins
#LoveWins
In June 2015, the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage the law in all fifty states in a decision as groundbreaking as Roe v Wade and Brown v Board of Education. Through insider accounts and access to key players, this definitive account reveals the dramatic and previously unreported events behind Obergefell v Hodges and the lives at its center. This is a story of law and love—and a promise made to a dying man who wanted to know how he would be remembered.
Twenty years ago, Jim Obergefell and John Arthur fell in love in Cincinnati, Ohio, a place where gays were routinely picked up by police and fired from their jobs. In 2013, the Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had to provide married gay couples all the benefits offered to straight couples. Jim and John—who was dying from ALS—flew to Maryland, where same-sex marriage was legal. But back home, Ohio refused to recognize their union, or even list Jim’s name on John’s death certificate. Then they met Al Gerhardstein, a courageous attorney who had spent nearly three decades advocating for civil rights and who now saw an opening for the cause that few others had before him.
This forceful and deeply affecting narrative—Part Erin Brockovich, part Milk, part Still Alice—chronicles how this grieving man and his lawyer, against overwhelming odds, introduced the most important gay rights case in U.S. history. It is an urgent and unforgettable account that will inspire readers for many years to come.
www.Facebook.com/LoveWins
#LoveWins
304 pages, Hardcover
First published June 14, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 191 reviews
January 27, 2018
Love Wins is a love story, court case, and historic event all in one hard-to-put down book.
"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriages embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They seek for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right."
On June 26, 2015 with these words, Justice Kennedy, and the other justices in agreement, gave Jim Obergefell, me, and millions of other gays and lesbians, the legal right to marry in all 50 states, and to have that marriage recognized under the law. Finally, I could marry the man I had loved and been with for over 17 years.
The book, Love Wins, is the story of that momentous court case for human equality. But, it is also the background to how the lives of people like me changed that day because of the courage and love of Jim Obergefell and his husband (in one state, but not their own--Ohio) who said they deserved equality.
On June 26, 2015, the day the Supreme Court decision came down, I wrote the following:
"I never thought I would see this day.
I am shocked, amazed, and incredibly happy for what this means for my life with Charles. But, I think I am even more in awe of the greater significance of the ruling.
This is a ruling that shows the power of a few to work for change even at tremendous risk to themselves. It is a ruling that demonstrates the power of love to shine through darkness and oppression, and that honors the countless number of men and women who never had this right to marry or have their love recognized. It is a ruling that acknowledged those people who lived their lives in fear of their love for another being known. It is a major step forward in this country's quest for equality for all people. It is a ruling that will ease the lives of so many young people and those not yet born.
It is a most momentous day in history."
Later that day I wrote:
"I was at the grocery this afternoon. For the first time in 60 years, I felt like I belonged. I felt equal. I suddenly found myself in tears in the cereal aisle.
This evening, when rainbow colored lights shone on the the White House, I could not stop crying tears of joy and thanksgiving. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was an American."
At the end of the day, I wrote to Jim Obergefell saying, "Jim, my partner and I just sent a note to our former pastor who now is in Cincinnati, to see if he would marry us. Thank you. Charles and I are 60 years old and never thought this day might happen. We have loved and lived with each other for almost 18 years. Your courage, no matter how the court ruled, has helped heal many wounds and now I will soon be able to call my partner, the man I love, my husband."
"No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriages embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They seek for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right."
On June 26, 2015 with these words, Justice Kennedy, and the other justices in agreement, gave Jim Obergefell, me, and millions of other gays and lesbians, the legal right to marry in all 50 states, and to have that marriage recognized under the law. Finally, I could marry the man I had loved and been with for over 17 years.
The book, Love Wins, is the story of that momentous court case for human equality. But, it is also the background to how the lives of people like me changed that day because of the courage and love of Jim Obergefell and his husband (in one state, but not their own--Ohio) who said they deserved equality.
On June 26, 2015, the day the Supreme Court decision came down, I wrote the following:
"I never thought I would see this day.
I am shocked, amazed, and incredibly happy for what this means for my life with Charles. But, I think I am even more in awe of the greater significance of the ruling.
This is a ruling that shows the power of a few to work for change even at tremendous risk to themselves. It is a ruling that demonstrates the power of love to shine through darkness and oppression, and that honors the countless number of men and women who never had this right to marry or have their love recognized. It is a ruling that acknowledged those people who lived their lives in fear of their love for another being known. It is a major step forward in this country's quest for equality for all people. It is a ruling that will ease the lives of so many young people and those not yet born.
It is a most momentous day in history."
Later that day I wrote:
"I was at the grocery this afternoon. For the first time in 60 years, I felt like I belonged. I felt equal. I suddenly found myself in tears in the cereal aisle.
This evening, when rainbow colored lights shone on the the White House, I could not stop crying tears of joy and thanksgiving. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was an American."
At the end of the day, I wrote to Jim Obergefell saying, "Jim, my partner and I just sent a note to our former pastor who now is in Cincinnati, to see if he would marry us. Thank you. Charles and I are 60 years old and never thought this day might happen. We have loved and lived with each other for almost 18 years. Your courage, no matter how the court ruled, has helped heal many wounds and now I will soon be able to call my partner, the man I love, my husband."
May 14, 2016
Objectively, it's probably only three-and-a-half or four stars, but for emotional impact, it's a solid five stars. I knew how it was going to end before I even read the first page and still found myself crying happy tears at the end. It's probably not going to change the minds of the bigots and assholes (I'm looking at you, Kim Davis), but it might be worth a try.
October 31, 2018
A personal comment. I read this book for the love of my professor and mentor DWG. A lack of a civil marriage caused some of his colleagues not to allow him to common decency of allowing him time to be with his dying partner. When they figured it out, it was too late. What they did to make amends was not enough. Their cruelty makes me cry these many years later. Rest in Peace DWG.
Court cases tell stories. So stories used are sympathetic. 1. A husband dies of non-AIDS related disease and leaves his husband (legal husband in one state and not another) without the social dignity of being listed as spouse on death certificate, without the dignity of being the next of kin to make final arrangements. 2. Parents find that one parent is the legal parent and the other legally a parents' helper, find that the legal parent's helper person cannot make medical decisions that may be a matter of life and death.
One thing was said in court and still courts argued:
Quote:
Federalist Paper 78, on the power of judicial review was published in 1788.
Independence of the judges may be an essential safeguard against the effects of occassional ill humors in the society. These sometimes extend no further than to an injury of the private rights of particular classes of citizens by unjust and partial laws.
End Quote.
I imagined myself stomping into the various courtrooms, wielding my cane, and proclaiming that I would knock some heads together if they kept pretending not to understand. Pumpkinheads.
What was done well?
1. The quote from the Federalist Paper 78.
2. The understanding and explanation of the thought process of the litigants, defendants, judges, and a slightly deeper understanding of the fear of the prosecutors.
So why 3 stars and not 4 or 5?
The writers of the book are listed as Debbie Cenziper (journalist) and Jim Obergefell (the grieving husband). Cenziper is the professional writer. She knows better. She should have prepared a timeline and a index. I believe she just assumed that the readers of the book were more legally aware than the general reader. Yet the book is written in a general reader manner--accessible, not too much legal jargon. Maybe Cenziper assumed that only gay people are interested in gay marriage civil rights, interested in the legal system, interested in paradigm shift? Poor understanding her audience. She is a journalist for the Washington Post. She understands mass communication and basic college-educated readers. Cenziper could have done better. Perhaps Obergefell said "Naw, let's not do that." Cenziper should have stood onjournalistic principles.
Also. I would have appreciated an Introduction or Preface. Other journalistic writers turned book writers have done better. Cenziper, better next time, okay?
Still worthwhile. Still acessible with Wikipedia. Good photos.
Court cases tell stories. So stories used are sympathetic. 1. A husband dies of non-AIDS related disease and leaves his husband (legal husband in one state and not another) without the social dignity of being listed as spouse on death certificate, without the dignity of being the next of kin to make final arrangements. 2. Parents find that one parent is the legal parent and the other legally a parents' helper, find that the legal parent's helper person cannot make medical decisions that may be a matter of life and death.
One thing was said in court and still courts argued:
Quote:
Federalist Paper 78, on the power of judicial review was published in 1788.
Independence of the judges may be an essential safeguard against the effects of occassional ill humors in the society. These sometimes extend no further than to an injury of the private rights of particular classes of citizens by unjust and partial laws.
End Quote.
I imagined myself stomping into the various courtrooms, wielding my cane, and proclaiming that I would knock some heads together if they kept pretending not to understand. Pumpkinheads.
What was done well?
1. The quote from the Federalist Paper 78.
2. The understanding and explanation of the thought process of the litigants, defendants, judges, and a slightly deeper understanding of the fear of the prosecutors.
So why 3 stars and not 4 or 5?
The writers of the book are listed as Debbie Cenziper (journalist) and Jim Obergefell (the grieving husband). Cenziper is the professional writer. She knows better. She should have prepared a timeline and a index. I believe she just assumed that the readers of the book were more legally aware than the general reader. Yet the book is written in a general reader manner--accessible, not too much legal jargon. Maybe Cenziper assumed that only gay people are interested in gay marriage civil rights, interested in the legal system, interested in paradigm shift? Poor understanding her audience. She is a journalist for the Washington Post. She understands mass communication and basic college-educated readers. Cenziper could have done better. Perhaps Obergefell said "Naw, let's not do that." Cenziper should have stood onjournalistic principles.
Also. I would have appreciated an Introduction or Preface. Other journalistic writers turned book writers have done better. Cenziper, better next time, okay?
Still worthwhile. Still acessible with Wikipedia. Good photos.
April 4, 2021
Wow! This is one of the most profound and impactful books and I read much of it through tears. Filled with remarkable people and reads like a legal thriller, this book is about the application of the law to suit the tides of time so as not to trample the fundamental rights of every person enshrined under the Constitution - the right to marry, that right whom to marry, that right to choose whom to love and have a serious committed relationship with. The fight may be arduous, grueling and draining but it was worth the struggle of the groundbreaking US Supreme Court case that led to one of the most important, national civil rights victories in decades—the legalization of same-sex marriage.
Justice Kennedy pronounced: “No union is more profound than marriage for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were, and it would misunderstand petitioners to say that they disrespect or diminish the idea of marriage in these cases. They are pleased that they do respect it, but they respect it so deeply they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law and the Constitution grants them that right.”
Justice Kennedy pronounced: “No union is more profound than marriage for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were, and it would misunderstand petitioners to say that they disrespect or diminish the idea of marriage in these cases. They are pleased that they do respect it, but they respect it so deeply they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law and the Constitution grants them that right.”
June 6, 2022
This book was informative and touching. Given the new makeup of the Supreme Court, I appreciate an insight into how cases go through the system.
I did not love the setup and organization of this book. I wish Jim Obergefell had written in 1st person rather than 3rd. I wish that the stories of the individuals were more personal and detailed. I am almost certain that what I find lacking is in fact lacking because this book came out within a year of legalizing gay marriage. I think the speed of publishing the book took over everything.
I am very proud of my book as well, Jim Obergefell signed it and was so kind and gracious as I cried to him, while pregnant, about how grateful I am for what he went through. People I love and care about are acknowledged by our government. My children can marry whomever they fall in love with. He told me that he had heard similar things from many people with young children.
Sidenote: Samuel Alito has been in the news lately with his leaked opinion overturning Roe v Wade. It was really interesting to me that in Obergefell v Hodges he didn't look at the details of the Constitution, but rather historical and cultural precedence that went as far back as Ancient Greece. This seems to be part of what he based his reasoning on in overturning Roe v Wade and I find that interesting/concerning.
I did not love the setup and organization of this book. I wish Jim Obergefell had written in 1st person rather than 3rd. I wish that the stories of the individuals were more personal and detailed. I am almost certain that what I find lacking is in fact lacking because this book came out within a year of legalizing gay marriage. I think the speed of publishing the book took over everything.
I am very proud of my book as well, Jim Obergefell signed it and was so kind and gracious as I cried to him, while pregnant, about how grateful I am for what he went through. People I love and care about are acknowledged by our government. My children can marry whomever they fall in love with. He told me that he had heard similar things from many people with young children.
Sidenote: Samuel Alito has been in the news lately with his leaked opinion overturning Roe v Wade. It was really interesting to me that in Obergefell v Hodges he didn't look at the details of the Constitution, but rather historical and cultural precedence that went as far back as Ancient Greece. This seems to be part of what he based his reasoning on in overturning Roe v Wade and I find that interesting/concerning.
July 13, 2016
Going into this book, I had no doubt it was 5-star material and that there would be goosebumps and teary-eyed-ness throughout thanks to the awe and gratitude I have for the brave individuals who fought for marriage equality.
I married my partner of 20-ish years in November 2014 just 32 days after it became legal to do so in Arizona via 9th Circuit ruling and about 7 months ahead of the ultimate Supreme Court ruling making marriage equality legal nationwide. The ability to marry gave us two middle-aged men the confidence and courage to finally and fully come out to our family and friends and live open and honest lives. And with that we also fond ourselves accidental/unintentional/reluctant (??) "activists"/ground-breakers as in our social circles we were among the first same-sex couples to marry or to buy wedding rings at the local jewelry store or find ourselves having to convince our accountant that we were legally married in Arizona (and likewise, she had to explain to us what it *really* meant to live in a community property state and file a joint tax return for the first time). So again, how the likes of Jim Obergefell, his late partner John Arthur, Edie Windsor (not so much the focus here as the story starts after that Supreme Court ruling), and the lawyers/allies who were on the front lines of this battle have personally impacted our household's life is truly immeasurable.
Removing all that emotion from it, the book itself is a pretty straightforward, reader-friendly, not too terribly legal-ese accounting of the personal lives of the plaintiffs and court cases. Published to coincide with the one-year anniversary of the ruling, I kind of "felt" the deadline. It had a school assignment/report quality to it. No real huge surprise as Cenziper is an investigative reporter for the Washington Post so there was a reporter-y/"just the facts" quality with the more passionate prose reserved to and directly lifted from actual courtroom transcripts. And while Obergefell is co-author, his story is not told first person narrative - and perhaps, as I am writing this, would have been much more my preference -- a mix of straight reporting and (more) personal memoir.
Settling on 4 stars -- 5 star material and story and emotions, dropping a star for technical merit.
September 17, 2016
My wife and I wouldn't have been able to marry without the brave men and women who are the subject of this book. We owe them a lot. The least I could do was read their story.
August 15, 2016
I will never forget the day that this case was decided. I was studying for the bar exam trying not to get distracted to reading the briefs or ultimately the decision. Ultimately I failed and decided to make that a con law day. As someone who worked with their law schools LGBT group (outlaws) and the Seattle LGBTQ law group (Q-Law) I was exceedingly happy. Long had I been battling the same old arguments of slippery slopes, anatomy, purposes of child-rearing at law school and we had won another battle in the road.
This book reminds us that this fight hasn't been a fight of sheer theory. The battle is about the lives of real people who deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect afforded to everyone. I think we will remember this day as a turning point in our democracy. This book is a great snapshot of this. Though it does get a little dry at some points with court arguments.
This book reminds us that this fight hasn't been a fight of sheer theory. The battle is about the lives of real people who deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect afforded to everyone. I think we will remember this day as a turning point in our democracy. This book is a great snapshot of this. Though it does get a little dry at some points with court arguments.
May 27, 2019
4.5 - As the title says, this is the story of the lovers and lawyers who fought (and won) the landmark case for marriage equality here in the US. This book is mainly focused on the personal stories of the plaintiffs and the history of their lawyer working on LGBT+ rights cases in Cincinnati.
I think if you’re looking for a book that goes really in depth with the legal side of things and how they researched the case and what they used to argue their points then you might be a little bit let down by this book. Of course it goes over what happens in the different courts, what is said while the cases were being argued, and the different rulings and opinions but this is not dense non-fiction for legal scholars or lawyers.
This book is about the human side of the case, their relationships, their marriages, their children, and their losses. It’s a moving story about the people who decided to fight for their rights and ended up winning the case for marriage equality in all 50 states.
I think if you’re looking for a book that goes really in depth with the legal side of things and how they researched the case and what they used to argue their points then you might be a little bit let down by this book. Of course it goes over what happens in the different courts, what is said while the cases were being argued, and the different rulings and opinions but this is not dense non-fiction for legal scholars or lawyers.
This book is about the human side of the case, their relationships, their marriages, their children, and their losses. It’s a moving story about the people who decided to fight for their rights and ended up winning the case for marriage equality in all 50 states.
July 16, 2023
I have always been curious as to all the challenges same sex couples faced/ face when it comes to marriage and their kids, along with how they are deprived of crucial federal benefits that heterosexual couples are automatically constitutionally granted with marriage. This book did an amazing job personalizing the stories of all the plaintiffs that led up to the historic Obergefell v. Hodges case that legalized same sex marriages across all states on June 26th, 2015. It was very informative and extremely poignant, for me personally, to follow along all their journeys, including the ups and the downs, and how the legal team along with those in the gay community never gave up their fight for their loved ones. It is truly inspiring to witness these couples’ determination to fight for their right to happiness, as they are equally deserving in our society. It is amazing how much beauty can come from grief and loss and this book was a testament to the pure beauty in love for all. When I say I teared up at the end…. could not help but have the biggest smile on my face when love WON. I’m proud to be a part of such a welcoming community that continues to fight for equality :’)
February 7, 2025
This is how legal history should be written
May 23, 2017
Love Wins: The Lovers and Lawyers Who Fought the Landmark Case for Marriage Equality.
What can I say about such a remarkable book? From the topic of the book to the way it was written. Everything within this book captivated me.
This book is filled with remarkable people and hero's not only to the LGBT Community but to the nation. They stood up for what they believed in and that's all anyone can ask of anyone
The book...was perfect. It wasn't written like most memoirs or non-fiction books, it was written almost like a story. It was thoroughly researched and thoroughly written. It was written beautifully. The amount of times that I felt the urge to cry as I read through this was immeasurable. The knowledge that people discriminated against gays and lesbians for who they loved still baffles me.
Jim Obergefell is officially one of my heroes. His and John's story was beautiful.
From the first word to the last, you will be captivated. The journey from death certificates to getting marriage equality recognized was an amazing thing to learn about especially about a topic so close to my heart.
Love is Love!
What can I say about such a remarkable book? From the topic of the book to the way it was written. Everything within this book captivated me.
This book is filled with remarkable people and hero's not only to the LGBT Community but to the nation. They stood up for what they believed in and that's all anyone can ask of anyone
The book...was perfect. It wasn't written like most memoirs or non-fiction books, it was written almost like a story. It was thoroughly researched and thoroughly written. It was written beautifully. The amount of times that I felt the urge to cry as I read through this was immeasurable. The knowledge that people discriminated against gays and lesbians for who they loved still baffles me.
Jim Obergefell is officially one of my heroes. His and John's story was beautiful.
From the first word to the last, you will be captivated. The journey from death certificates to getting marriage equality recognized was an amazing thing to learn about especially about a topic so close to my heart.
Love is Love!
July 29, 2017
I remember what a momentous day it was in 2015 when the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage. Now this book Love Wins traces through all the details and the people who fought so hard through decades of legal battles that finally made same-sex marriage the law of the land. It's a wonderful, emotional, inspirational story of probably the biggest civil rights decision of my lifetime. I like that this book focuses on personal stories of the plaintiffs and their families, in addition to containing loads of legal details on the wins and losses that happened along the way. Really, it's a great book if you want to learn more about what went into making same-sex marriage a reality in this country.
August 29, 2016
Love wins. Quite a story within these pages!
October 3, 2025
This is an incredible and moving story focused on love--most obviously, the love between John Arthur and Jim Obergefell (who would later become the lead plaintiff in the marriage equality case), but also the love of so many people in their lives, from family members to friends to the incredible lawyer who took the Obergefell case from the trial court to the US Supreme Court.
I highly recommend anyone to watch the video of John and Jim's wedding. Have a tissue box handy!!!
To summarize: By the time of the wedding, John and Jim had been together for 20 years, and John was dying of ALS. They decided to get married immediately after the Supreme Court's decision in US v. Windsor required the federal government to recognize same-sex marriages. Because of John's poor health, and because same-sex marriage was banned in Ohio (where the couple lived), the couple had to charter an expensive medical plane to a state where their marriage could be performed. (As John explains in the video, had Windsor come down just one year earlier, the couple easily could've left the state to get married; but the quick progression of ALS made that impossible. Fortunately, family and friends pitched in to pay for the flight.) John and Jim got married inside the medical plane on the tarmac of Baltimore/Washington International Airport in Maryland, with John's aunt officiating.
But once the couple returned to Ohio, they learned that Jim's name would not be listed on John's death certificate because Ohio did not recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. Jim challenged Ohio's marriage ban in court, and John sadly died very early in the litigation. (Justice Kennedy would later allude to this in the Obergefell opinion: "As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.")
I remember the day the Obergefell decision came out very very clearly, and it had a profound impact on my life. I'm glad to now say that defending that decision is literally my job. :)
I highly recommend anyone to watch the video of John and Jim's wedding. Have a tissue box handy!!!
To summarize: By the time of the wedding, John and Jim had been together for 20 years, and John was dying of ALS. They decided to get married immediately after the Supreme Court's decision in US v. Windsor required the federal government to recognize same-sex marriages. Because of John's poor health, and because same-sex marriage was banned in Ohio (where the couple lived), the couple had to charter an expensive medical plane to a state where their marriage could be performed. (As John explains in the video, had Windsor come down just one year earlier, the couple easily could've left the state to get married; but the quick progression of ALS made that impossible. Fortunately, family and friends pitched in to pay for the flight.) John and Jim got married inside the medical plane on the tarmac of Baltimore/Washington International Airport in Maryland, with John's aunt officiating.
But once the couple returned to Ohio, they learned that Jim's name would not be listed on John's death certificate because Ohio did not recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. Jim challenged Ohio's marriage ban in court, and John sadly died very early in the litigation. (Justice Kennedy would later allude to this in the Obergefell opinion: "As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.")
I remember the day the Obergefell decision came out very very clearly, and it had a profound impact on my life. I'm glad to now say that defending that decision is literally my job. :)
January 27, 2017
I guess I should have figured out sooner (1) why this book had such a hokey title and (2) why a very recently published book had the vast majority of its copies sitting unchecked out in the public library of a city overwhelmingly supportive of its subject. First, the book says it is written by two people, one a prize-winning investigative journalist and the other one of the main characters in its narrative. There is no hint the second person wrote any of it -- unless, of course, he likes writing about himself constantly in the third person. Secondly, the second author is a dominant figure but certainly not the only one of importance, and yet the publisher strives to give him star billing. While that "author" or "main subject", depending on how you view him, has a particularly unique "story" due to his partner's ultimately deadly amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) malady, in most respects, his own individual legal case is truly just one of multiple cases packaged together for comparable reasons before judicial panels. In short, his case is not more important than others mentioned. So, why the "love" emphasis and the star billing? It turns out the Pulitzer Prize winning co-author used to be the wife of a cousin of the partner of the "star". (Got all that? At least, I think I got that all straight.) This is really just a family tribute to the second author. True, the book does take the reader in general terms through various parts of getting a significant legal case before the U.S. Supreme Court, but the facts that most people will want for understanding the real legal issues are relatively few and come very, very late. Moreover, the book does a superficial job of mentioning, let alone elucidating, all the social and political factors at pay. Want to give a guy a pat on the back for a tough situation? Fine, read the book. Want to grasp all factors at pay? Go elsewhere.
August 2, 2020
’Love Wins’ is a book about love, about a social fight, about a historic event… it is a book about humankind.
Going throw the pages of this book was an emotional rollercoaster for me. The stories in this book made me feel scared, outraged, angry at the way we who are part of a minority are treated as second-class citizens. However, their fight also gave me hope and showed me that the most powerful weapon to overcome prejudices and injustices will always be love.
‘Love win’ must be a compulsory reading for all LGBTQI community members (especially the new generations) so we don’t forget the struggles we have had to overcome to be where we are and to keep fighting for what we deserve as a community. But, I mainly hope that this book reaches our straight allies so they realise how important their role is in our fight for equality.
Going throw the pages of this book was an emotional rollercoaster for me. The stories in this book made me feel scared, outraged, angry at the way we who are part of a minority are treated as second-class citizens. However, their fight also gave me hope and showed me that the most powerful weapon to overcome prejudices and injustices will always be love.
‘Love win’ must be a compulsory reading for all LGBTQI community members (especially the new generations) so we don’t forget the struggles we have had to overcome to be where we are and to keep fighting for what we deserve as a community. But, I mainly hope that this book reaches our straight allies so they realise how important their role is in our fight for equality.
July 25, 2025
For some reason, I distinctly remember the day the Obergefell vs Hodges ruling came down from the Supreme Court. I was fourteen, at my first summer intensive for ballet, and fellow teenagers (who still had a lot yet to understand about the world) were shoving cell phones in my face that had news articles about the event while we were in the dorm elevator. I remember looking at all the rainbow flags and expressions of joy in the photos, and I could feel the excitement and buzz all around me. Of course, I did not at all comprehend the sheer importance of that moment, the number of lives it affected, the amount of work that made it happen and the insane amount of time and debate it took to even get to that point. However, I did still know that I was witnessing something big.
This book helped me to appreciate the just how big that moment actually was. How crazy is it that something like marriage equality, something I feel like I’ve grown up taking for granted as a nation-wide right, was illegal in as recent history as pre summer-intensive-attending Olivia? This book uses a story-like narration format to tell the tales of the main lawyers and plaintiffs that turned the plight of a grieving Ohio-based man into nationwide change. It does an excellent job capturing the emotionally-charged story, and I got teary-eyed during several moments of both heartache and joyful relief.
Although it was written for the layperson, there were a lot of names that were sometimes difficult to keep track of as well as some legal jargon and some rather dry boring courtroom scenes. A glossary-type situation might have been nice. However, I didn’t need to be a legal expert to appreciate the insane amount of persistence and work it takes to create civil change, and to root for the people who treaded that difficult and not always rewarding road. I read this book for my resistance book club, and I think it was an important read that describes several routes for social evolution and the barriers that are often in the way to making it happen (especially in this day and age). Don’t let that scare you, though- this is also a story of human persistence, and of hope. Definitely a worthwhile read.
This book helped me to appreciate the just how big that moment actually was. How crazy is it that something like marriage equality, something I feel like I’ve grown up taking for granted as a nation-wide right, was illegal in as recent history as pre summer-intensive-attending Olivia? This book uses a story-like narration format to tell the tales of the main lawyers and plaintiffs that turned the plight of a grieving Ohio-based man into nationwide change. It does an excellent job capturing the emotionally-charged story, and I got teary-eyed during several moments of both heartache and joyful relief.
Although it was written for the layperson, there were a lot of names that were sometimes difficult to keep track of as well as some legal jargon and some rather dry boring courtroom scenes. A glossary-type situation might have been nice. However, I didn’t need to be a legal expert to appreciate the insane amount of persistence and work it takes to create civil change, and to root for the people who treaded that difficult and not always rewarding road. I read this book for my resistance book club, and I think it was an important read that describes several routes for social evolution and the barriers that are often in the way to making it happen (especially in this day and age). Don’t let that scare you, though- this is also a story of human persistence, and of hope. Definitely a worthwhile read.
February 27, 2019
There's a few things that I love the come together in Love Wins.
1) The Law - it's not perfect but it's ours and in some respects it gives people who would otherwise be disenfranchised, power to make real and lasting change (but also see Dred Scott v. Sandford).
2) Narrative nonfiction - I love journalism that is told like a story. And this is done so well in podcasts but sometimes gets very very dry in book form. Not this one. This one was intriguing and moving and very well put together.
3) Cincinnati - my hometown with all its warts and problems still feels special to me now that I am far away with no reason to return.
4) LOVE - In 2004, I angrily stared at my absentee ballot from Ohio. Wondering how it was possible that a constitutional amendment proposing targeted discrimination was even considered. But it was. And it passed. The idea, the simple idea that you meet someone, you fall in love, and you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone - make a symbolic commitment - is really not that hard to understand. The fact that two people of the same sex want to do this is irrelevant to the inquiry. Or it should be.
I didn't know John Arthur and James Obergfell's story. How they met, fell in love, and committed to each other over and over, until after the Windsor case, decided to get married, even in the midst of John's battle with ALS. Having read Every Note Played by Lisa Genova this year, ALS is something I feel I'm more familiar with than ever before. Understanding the creeping devastation and loss it requires of its afflicted day after day.
Most of all, the Obergfell v. Hodges is a love letter, a legacy, from James to John every day and into the annals of history. And that is beautiful.
1) The Law - it's not perfect but it's ours and in some respects it gives people who would otherwise be disenfranchised, power to make real and lasting change (but also see Dred Scott v. Sandford).
2) Narrative nonfiction - I love journalism that is told like a story. And this is done so well in podcasts but sometimes gets very very dry in book form. Not this one. This one was intriguing and moving and very well put together.
3) Cincinnati - my hometown with all its warts and problems still feels special to me now that I am far away with no reason to return.
4) LOVE - In 2004, I angrily stared at my absentee ballot from Ohio. Wondering how it was possible that a constitutional amendment proposing targeted discrimination was even considered. But it was. And it passed. The idea, the simple idea that you meet someone, you fall in love, and you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone - make a symbolic commitment - is really not that hard to understand. The fact that two people of the same sex want to do this is irrelevant to the inquiry. Or it should be.
I didn't know John Arthur and James Obergfell's story. How they met, fell in love, and committed to each other over and over, until after the Windsor case, decided to get married, even in the midst of John's battle with ALS. Having read Every Note Played by Lisa Genova this year, ALS is something I feel I'm more familiar with than ever before. Understanding the creeping devastation and loss it requires of its afflicted day after day.
Most of all, the Obergfell v. Hodges is a love letter, a legacy, from James to John every day and into the annals of history. And that is beautiful.
August 22, 2018
This book chronicles the case of Obergefell v. Hodges, which might be the last great civil rights case out of the United States Supreme Court in my lifetime. I read much of it through tears.
It starts in the 1970s, with children being bullied because they were gay. It runs through some of the trials and tribulations of the gay rights movement, with special focus on Cincinnati. I did not know that Cincinnati was one of the first cities to pass a gay rights ordinance and one of the first cities to have it repealed by referendum. I did not know that Ohio was one of the first states to enshrine the homophobic Defense of Marriage Act into its constitution. I did not think about the real people living in Cincinnati voting on these measures. I cried reading about them.
It runs through the 1990s, when two of our main characters, John Arthur and Jim Obergefell, fell in love and set up a household despite living in Ohio. It recounts John’s ALS; their decision to marry; their realization they will not be recognized as married even in death. It recounts John’s death and Jim’s decision to pursue the case that led to something wonderful.
It also tells us about their lawyer, Al Gerhardstein, who fights for the dispossessed and oppressed despite threats of physical violence and repeated defeats. He defended Planned Parenthood and he defended John and Jim.
This is not a perfect book. The prose falters; the timeline gets hazy; and it is not meaningfully intersectional. It repeatedly made me wonder about something I’d never wondered about before: was John loaded and if so, why? I wanted it to dive deeper into why homophobia was such a part of our heritage and how many heroic people rose to fight history. I was frustrated that it ignored that little deeper level. There was no discussion of Stonewall; no discussion of ACT-UP; no exploration of the big story of the deconstruction of gender. I rolled my eyes at the descriptions of Obergerfell himself (“the pensive man who had made love and loss seem transcendent, not gay or straight but infinitely human.” Dude. You don’t get have that line in a book where you are credited as an author.)
But despite its failings, it hit me hard. These were – are – real people who made the world better. Who stood up to bullies and challenged the patriarchy even if the book never uses the word. (It should have). Well worth the time.
It starts in the 1970s, with children being bullied because they were gay. It runs through some of the trials and tribulations of the gay rights movement, with special focus on Cincinnati. I did not know that Cincinnati was one of the first cities to pass a gay rights ordinance and one of the first cities to have it repealed by referendum. I did not know that Ohio was one of the first states to enshrine the homophobic Defense of Marriage Act into its constitution. I did not think about the real people living in Cincinnati voting on these measures. I cried reading about them.
It runs through the 1990s, when two of our main characters, John Arthur and Jim Obergefell, fell in love and set up a household despite living in Ohio. It recounts John’s ALS; their decision to marry; their realization they will not be recognized as married even in death. It recounts John’s death and Jim’s decision to pursue the case that led to something wonderful.
It also tells us about their lawyer, Al Gerhardstein, who fights for the dispossessed and oppressed despite threats of physical violence and repeated defeats. He defended Planned Parenthood and he defended John and Jim.
This is not a perfect book. The prose falters; the timeline gets hazy; and it is not meaningfully intersectional. It repeatedly made me wonder about something I’d never wondered about before: was John loaded and if so, why? I wanted it to dive deeper into why homophobia was such a part of our heritage and how many heroic people rose to fight history. I was frustrated that it ignored that little deeper level. There was no discussion of Stonewall; no discussion of ACT-UP; no exploration of the big story of the deconstruction of gender. I rolled my eyes at the descriptions of Obergerfell himself (“the pensive man who had made love and loss seem transcendent, not gay or straight but infinitely human.” Dude. You don’t get have that line in a book where you are credited as an author.)
But despite its failings, it hit me hard. These were – are – real people who made the world better. Who stood up to bullies and challenged the patriarchy even if the book never uses the word. (It should have). Well worth the time.
July 26, 2017
it took me 3000 years to finish this, but not because it was bad. I have certain book moods, and normally non-fiction is not my mood, so I just never picked it up when I had other books around. But finally, I was like, I gotta finish this, I've checked it out from the library 3 separate times, just Do it. So I finally finished the last 100 pages or so I've had left since April and!!!!!!! they were amazing!!!!! I'm so glad this book was written because it's informative but not boring. The fiction-esque narrative was captivating to me, even tho it took me 4 months to read & seems like it wasn't. Of course, on June 26th, 2015, I celebrated this victory along with everyone. But until reading this book, I don't think I understood the full scope of the story, how many people have toiled and trialed to achieve this victory. I have great respect for the behind-the-scene people, such as Al Gerhardstein-- I would have never known about him without this novel, and he was so critical to the case. Definitely recommend this book to people who are interested in LGBT history: it's well written, informative, and has a happy ending!
September 7, 2019
I don’t know about anyone else, but I enjoy reading non-fiction where places that I live or have lived or have vacationed etc. are mentioned. I grew up in and still live in Cincinnati, played baseball with Al Gerhardstein’s son, and proposed to my wife in a park mentioned in the book. As a lawyer, I spent half of the book nearly in tears, being inspired by lawyers and plaintiffs fighting for what is right. I also spent a good portion of the book muttering “motherf***ers” about the people who would have the law turn its back on people just because of who they love. All in all, a beautiful and moving book, which is obviously not a common experience when reading non-fiction. I am so happy that the story ended the way it did for the families. In a dark time such as this one, it is joyful to be reminded of the arc of history. Love will eventually defeat hate and nihilism. Love wins.
February 21, 2017
If you need something uplifting to read at this time (and who doesn't?) this book is probably it. The book does a great job tracing the legal path that sent the case which resulted in legalizing gay marriage along with the personal stories of the people involved in the cases. I learned a lot about a story I only knew the surface information about.
The only critique of the book I would share is that it sometimes veers into hyperbole or too easily dismisses the concern that marriage equality does not address the other rights LGBTQ people are denied.
The only critique of the book I would share is that it sometimes veers into hyperbole or too easily dismisses the concern that marriage equality does not address the other rights LGBTQ people are denied.
July 31, 2018
I don't even know where to begin with this book. The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is that I got a bit lost with all the different people the author discussed, but overall I felt that it gave a great history of the fight for marriage equality while also giving personal details that contributed to why the lovers and lawyers fought so hard for the right to marry. I'll admit I cried at the end. #lovewins
July 4, 2023
A detailed deep dive into one of the most historic SCOTUS cases of our time. This was a bit bittersweet to finish after the recent 303 Creative SCOTUS ruling, but important in that it reminded me of the steadfast, forever fight for equal rights. Cenziper is a masterful journalist and writes this novel with the utmost love and empathy. I loved it.
June 11, 2019
I really appreciated getting to hear the backgrounds of all the people involved and hearing extended portions of the oral arguments and briefs. It was interesting and heartfelt.
February 3, 2024
This was such a great book and reminder of how far the lgbtqia+ community has come and how far we still have to go. Truly such a moving story of our history.
August 13, 2019
Emotional and powerful look back at the landmark case that gave marriage equality to the LGBTQ community. Beautiful read.
June 2, 2016
Here we have a simple love story. Jim Obergefell loved his husband John Arthur. It was that simple. When John died of ALS in 2013, Jim wished to be listed on the death certificate as John’s spouse. Simple. Al Gerhardstein, a Cincinnati attorney thought so, too. As he said: “Every civil rights case begins with a story.” And in Mr. Obergefell’s case, it’s quite a story, simple, but containing many facets affecting many, many people, among them other eventual plaintiffs, other LGBT people who wanted only what heterosexual couples take for granted, the right to marry the person they love.
John Arthur’s last wish was ‘to die a married man.’ Jim made that happen. Flying John to Maryland, John’s Aunt Paulette married the two men in the cramped cabin of a LearJet. But landing back in Ohio, they were no longer recognized as legal spouses. Years before, when John was healthy, he and Jim had traveled the world together: Paris, Scandinavia, North Africa, Prague, The Netherlands, just like any other couple. In 1989, three years before he met John, Jim had witnessed the fall of the Berlin wall. Little did he realize then that he’d one day facilitate the collapse of another wall, one erected and maintained by his own country to deny him access to civil marriage. ‘Love Wins’ is the story of that wall’s demise.
Written with the exacting care by Debbie Cenziper, Pulitzer Prize winning reporter now with The Washington Post, and Jim Obergefell, named plaintiff in the high court’s case, ‘Love Wins’ follows the movement of activists among the LGBT community over several years, as they worked toward civil marriage equality. But the book is much more than that; as the subtitle says, it’s a story of lovers and lawyers determined to see that the law is followed. As Al Gerhardstein said: “Governments make laws; we must ensure that governments follow those laws.” ‘Love Wins’ also focuses on how the LGBT community rallies around one of their own, especially when challenges arise. The AIDS crisis, continual harassment, social restrictions too numerous to mention, all energize the LGBT community. It’s appropriate that Jim’s story takes place in Cincinnati. The city, and surrounding Hamilton County Ohio have a long, complicated history of anti-gay bias, then a rapid evolution toward inclusion. Indeed, Cincinnati emerges as another character in ‘Love Wins,’ a city that’s now one of the more LGBT friendly in the nation, with an openly gay city council member, Chris Seelbach, who is mentioned in the book.
“Love Wins” is a simple title, appropriately presented in present tense, as that enshrines the thought in continuity. The book is highly readable, avoiding arcane legal verbiage, and the jargon typically associated with technical, high-level court cases. It’s a human book, about real people, well paced, with deep personal insights into the lives and loves of the plaintiffs and others and the legal expertise that made civil marriage equality the law of the land in June 2015. Co-Author Jim Obergefell, AKA ‘sweater-vest guy,’ who met John Arthur in 1992, became the named plaintiff in the landmark 2015 SCOTUS ruling; Pam & Nicole Yorksmith brought the face of women and family to the court; Joe Vitale & Rob Talmas took their part as two dads raising a child; A funeral director agreed to be a plaintiff, based on his sensitivity to LGBT people, and his concern about a blank spot on their death certificates.
It was one of those blank spots on an official record that pushed Jim Obergefell to act. In a kind of convergence, Al Gerhardstein learned through friends and neighbors about John’s health, the marriage of the two men and the Cincinnati Enquirer article that had featured the story. He approached Jim and John, and the case against the state of Ohio took shape, culminating on June 26th 2015 at the U.S. Supreme court.
The story has all the elements of a novel, with rising emotion, crises for its protagonists, enhancement of that crisis, resolution and a gratifying conclusion and epilogue. But this is no novel; like Obergefell Vs Hodges, ‘Love Wins’ is about real people, and real families. It was this factor that produced the ‘win’ part of the book’s title, the love and family part that finally granted Jim Obergefell and many like him the right to marry in all fifty United States. If you believe American citizens do indeed enjoy ‘equality under law,’ if you’ve ever fallen in love and wished to marry, and if you applaud lovers when love wins, read this book.
John Arthur’s last wish was ‘to die a married man.’ Jim made that happen. Flying John to Maryland, John’s Aunt Paulette married the two men in the cramped cabin of a LearJet. But landing back in Ohio, they were no longer recognized as legal spouses. Years before, when John was healthy, he and Jim had traveled the world together: Paris, Scandinavia, North Africa, Prague, The Netherlands, just like any other couple. In 1989, three years before he met John, Jim had witnessed the fall of the Berlin wall. Little did he realize then that he’d one day facilitate the collapse of another wall, one erected and maintained by his own country to deny him access to civil marriage. ‘Love Wins’ is the story of that wall’s demise.
Written with the exacting care by Debbie Cenziper, Pulitzer Prize winning reporter now with The Washington Post, and Jim Obergefell, named plaintiff in the high court’s case, ‘Love Wins’ follows the movement of activists among the LGBT community over several years, as they worked toward civil marriage equality. But the book is much more than that; as the subtitle says, it’s a story of lovers and lawyers determined to see that the law is followed. As Al Gerhardstein said: “Governments make laws; we must ensure that governments follow those laws.” ‘Love Wins’ also focuses on how the LGBT community rallies around one of their own, especially when challenges arise. The AIDS crisis, continual harassment, social restrictions too numerous to mention, all energize the LGBT community. It’s appropriate that Jim’s story takes place in Cincinnati. The city, and surrounding Hamilton County Ohio have a long, complicated history of anti-gay bias, then a rapid evolution toward inclusion. Indeed, Cincinnati emerges as another character in ‘Love Wins,’ a city that’s now one of the more LGBT friendly in the nation, with an openly gay city council member, Chris Seelbach, who is mentioned in the book.
“Love Wins” is a simple title, appropriately presented in present tense, as that enshrines the thought in continuity. The book is highly readable, avoiding arcane legal verbiage, and the jargon typically associated with technical, high-level court cases. It’s a human book, about real people, well paced, with deep personal insights into the lives and loves of the plaintiffs and others and the legal expertise that made civil marriage equality the law of the land in June 2015. Co-Author Jim Obergefell, AKA ‘sweater-vest guy,’ who met John Arthur in 1992, became the named plaintiff in the landmark 2015 SCOTUS ruling; Pam & Nicole Yorksmith brought the face of women and family to the court; Joe Vitale & Rob Talmas took their part as two dads raising a child; A funeral director agreed to be a plaintiff, based on his sensitivity to LGBT people, and his concern about a blank spot on their death certificates.
It was one of those blank spots on an official record that pushed Jim Obergefell to act. In a kind of convergence, Al Gerhardstein learned through friends and neighbors about John’s health, the marriage of the two men and the Cincinnati Enquirer article that had featured the story. He approached Jim and John, and the case against the state of Ohio took shape, culminating on June 26th 2015 at the U.S. Supreme court.
The story has all the elements of a novel, with rising emotion, crises for its protagonists, enhancement of that crisis, resolution and a gratifying conclusion and epilogue. But this is no novel; like Obergefell Vs Hodges, ‘Love Wins’ is about real people, and real families. It was this factor that produced the ‘win’ part of the book’s title, the love and family part that finally granted Jim Obergefell and many like him the right to marry in all fifty United States. If you believe American citizens do indeed enjoy ‘equality under law,’ if you’ve ever fallen in love and wished to marry, and if you applaud lovers when love wins, read this book.
March 8, 2017
I'm just not much for non-fiction. I hoped to learn something - and I guess I did, but I got bogged down in all the legal details and specifics and lost interest.
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