The Sound of Gravel

by Ruth Wariner

A riveting, deeply affecting true story of one girl’s coming-of-age in a polygamist family.


RUTH WARINER was the thirty-ninth of her father’s forty-two children. Growing up on a farm in rural Mexico, where authorities turn a blind eye to the practices of her community, Ruth lives in a ramshackle house without indoor plumbing or electricity. At church, preachers teach that God will punish the wicked by destroying the world and that women can only ascend to Heaven by entering into polygamous marriages and giving birth to as many children as possible. After Ruth’s father—the man who had been the founding prophet of the colony—is brutally murdered by his brother in a bid for church power, her mother remarries, becoming the second wife of another faithful congregant.

In need of government assistance and supplemental income, Ruth and her siblings are carted back and forth between Mexico and the United States, where Ruth’s mother collects welfare and her stepfather works a variety of odd jobs. Ruth comes to love the time she spends in the States, realizing that perhaps the community into which she was born is not the right one for her. As she begins to doubt her family’s beliefs and question her mother’s choices, she struggles to balance her fierce love for her siblings with her determination to forge a better life for herself.

Recounted from the innocent and hopeful perspective of a child, The Sound of Gravel is the remarkable memoir of one girl’s fight for peace and love. This is an intimate, gripping tale of triumph, courage, and resilience.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Book Club, Audiobook, Biography, Religion, Biography Memoir

352 pages, ebook

First published January 5, 2016

About the author

RUTH WARINER lives in Portland, Oregon. At the age of fifteen, Wariner left Colonia LeBaron, the polygamist Mormon colony where she grew up, and moved to California. She raised her three youngest sisters in California and Oregon. After earning her GED, she put herself through college and graduate school, eventually becoming a high school Spanish teacher. She remains close to her siblings and is happily married. THE SOUND OF GRAVEL is her first book.

Reviews

[Brady Lockerby]

heartbreaking from beginning to end 💔 if you enjoyed Educated by Tara Westover or The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls, you should add this to your tbr. as always, no rating for memoirs & i listened to it on audio to hear the author's voice.

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

My heart goes out to this young woman for her honesty, strength and courage in the writing of this memoir. I, no matter how much I read, will ever understand the mindset of women who join or become involved in cults or religions such as these when there is so little of benefit to themselves and their children. That this mother loved her children is apparent, she worked incredibly hard, tried to make things special at times, yet failed to defend them when they needed her most. I honestly don't get it. Parts of this story made me so angry, the welfare scams for instance, the abuse for another, other parts parts so sad, definitely affects the readers emotions.

The rawness and the unsentimental way this young woman has of telling her story is wrenching, not sure I could. That she not only got out but raised her younger siblings is a testament to her own strength of will. Not sure what else to say except this is a hard story to read, harder still to understand and that I wish the author all the best that the world can offer. Quite frankly I am stunned.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ruth Wariner's memoir about her childhood should come with a warning:
GUARANTEED to keep you awake during sleeping hours.

Ruth grew up in LeBaron, Mexico....a small town in the Mexican countryside 200 miles south of El Paso, Texas,....in a fundamentalist Mormon family that believed in the
polygamist teaching. "The Colony", is what they called it. Her grandfather, Alma Dayer LaBaron was the founder in 1944.

I've read other stories and seen movies of polygamy 'compounds' in the United States. I've personally met adult woman who were children from Utah - who were raised with more than one mother ...many brothers and sisters ...who actually talked about their families with an odd-type-of normality. ( granted the two woman I knew were in monogamous marriages themselves - by choice a as adults).

So, I had heard horror stories ....
I had also ( shockingly in itself), heard a couple people share their 'positive ' stories being a child in this environment....

But....Ruth Wariner's experience wasn't was I expected. It was much more gut wrenching ....( for 'added' reasons which had nothing to do with how many fathers she had or how many sister-wives her mother had).
The story she tells goes beyond 'scripture bible' lifestyle practices. With 'several' siblings in her household in need of serious help with their disabilities, with one of them becoming a danger to the other siblings as she ages, not enough adequate food, no electricity, no indoor bathroom, lack of adult supervision, neglect, physical verbal and sexual abuse, fear, more pregnancies, filth & poverty, loss & grief, ....
life at times went from chaotic and crazy to pure insanity!!

My frickin God ....I was dying ... getting closer to the end of Ruth's story...and I'm thinking of my aunt's famous last words whenever my life looks grim...
My aunts famous last words...."ALL STORMS END"
I'm thinking... "HOW MUCH LONGER UNTIL THIS HELL of a STORM ENDS FOR RUTH WARINER AND HER FAMILY"? geeeeeeeeeeee, enough!!!

By the end of this memoir I was exhausted and in tears.

The narrative is beautifully written... This exceptional human being....loving, passionate *Ruth*, survives many insurmountable hardships ... bamboozled one too many times ...
Her resilience and 'organic love' for her family is absolutely astounding!

[Esil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Geez Louise! This is a heartbreaking memoir that made me sad and mad over and over again. Ruth Wariner's mother was a member of the LeBaron Mormon fundamentalist church based in Mexico. Ruth was the fourth of 10 children. Her father died when she was a baby, and her mother then became the second wife of a man who eventually had four wives and 24 children. There is no question that Ruth loved her mother, but as she recounts her story she doesn't present a rosy picture of the world in which her mother raised her. Ruth's childhood and adolescence are a tale of hardship, poverty, abuse, neglect and blind faith in principles that harmed the community's children over and over. Ruth recounts in painful detail how her mother was completely ill equipped -- both emotionally and financially -- to care for so many children. And how her stepfather -- well there are no words other than swear words to describe her stepfather. The only silver lining is Ruth's strong spirit and the supernatural dedication she and her siblings had for each other. At times, Ruth's story was almost unbearable. If you have the stomach for such sad stories, this is well worth reading. Ruth tells her story in a way that brings her childhood to life in lively and credible detail. But, oh man, be prepared to be absolutely heartbroken and furious.

I listened to the audio. Ruth Wariner does the narration herself. She is an excellent narrator, and it provides some relief to hear her confident, sensible adult voice narrating the details of her heartbreaking childhood.

[Cheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

The rest of us followed silently, watching and listening as Mom took a wide step over the highway shoulder and onto the dirt road, the gravel crunching beneath her footsteps, the sound of home.

The Church of the Firstborn is a church founded by an excommunicated (LDS) Mormon by 1924, who was excommunicated for teaching / promoting and practicing plural marriage. While it is true that the LDS Mormon church at one time allowed plural marriage for approximately 60 years (almost twenty of those in “secret”), that ended 1890, and even then, only 20-30% all Mormons were polygamists. At that time, Utah was still not even a U.S. State. Nor was it the only state or church the only one previously allowing the practice of polygamy.

Different sects of both the “mainstream” LDS “Mormon” church and the FLDS (Fundamentalist LDS) or RLDS (Reorganized LDS) churches are groups that were originally comprised of members who were formerly LDS Mormon. RLDS believed that Joseph Smith III should be the prophet (son of the founder of the LDS Mormon Church, Joseph Smith) – in other words, they objected to the Brigham Young as successor to Joseph Smith II after he was murdered (along with his brother). In recent years, the RLDS church changed their name to Community of Christ.

Most of the sects that the press has labeled a variation of Mormonism are branches (or branches off branches off branches) of the FLDS. The Church of the Firstborn was founded in LeBaron by Ruth Wariner’s grandfather – Alma Dayer LeBaron. His son was Joel F. LeBaron. In 1965, when her mother, Kathy, married Joel, she became his fifth wife. In August of 1972, Joel’s brother Ervil – who had formed an offshoot of the Church of the Firstborn ordered the execution of his brother by two of his followers. A few months later, Ruth was born.

I am my mother’s fourth child and my father’s thirty-ninth.”

Ruth grew up in LeBaron, Mexico, not too far from El Paso, Texas, daughter of Joel F. LeBaon, the former prophet of this polygamous sect, an offshoot of the FLDS Church.

Ruth’s mother remarried after the murder of her husband, bringing into the marriage her then four children. Ruth’s stepfather, Lane, was also a member of the Church of the Firstborn. To say they lived a frugal existence would be an understatement.

They made me feel almost righteous for living without, as if being poor were the same as being humble and good.

They lived despite their circumstances, which were bleak at best, horrendous, unsafe and, at times, brutal. And that’s the better days, those leave out the moments when Ruth’s stepfather would turn from trying to charm them into believing whatever he was trying to “sell” or force them to do, into a blind rage directed at whoever happened to be in his way, regardless of age. As more wives and more children were added, the tensions mounted.

Their “home” lacked anything most of us would consider normal. No indoor plumbing, electricity – and when it was eventually hooked up to their home it was done in a completely unsafe way. Education, for Ruth, was on a day-by-day basis depending on how much Ruth’s mother needed her that day, that month, that year. The list of things wrong is long, and there is much that is hard to stomach.

As soon as we got home, we crammed our clothes into plastic bags and threw them into the back of the van. Mom flattened the gray vinyl seats and packed them with quilts so we could lie down if we wanted. She bolted out of the driveway as if she couldn’t get away from that house fast enough, and within a few short minutes we were on the highway headed for the Texas border. I gave Meri a bottle while I lay on the quilts and looked outside the window. I couldn’t stop thinking about how we would get to see my cousins more often. They wouldn’t be as far away from Grandma and Grandpa as they were from LeBaron. A rainbow rose from a mesquite field in the distance and split the gray clouds in the sky. I imagine it had been there all morning but I’d been too sad to notice it. Seeing it now, I took it as a sign from God, a sign that everything was going to be okay.

I had hoped to read this earlier, and have been on the wait-list for this from my library for a long time. I’m so glad I finally was able to read this. It is a testament to the human spirit that anyone was able to survive this childhood and come out of it with such personal strength and any positive view of their life.

Recommended

[Suzanne Leopold (Suzy Approved Book Reviews) · Rating 4 out of 5]

https://suzyapproved.wordpress.com/20...

https://www.facebook.com/Suzy-Approve...

id you ever wonder about those who were raised in a polygamist community? The Sound of Gravel by Ruth Wariner is a firsthand account of a child growing up in a colony in rural Mexico. Ruth’s father was the founding prophet of the colony but he died when she was young leaving her to be raised by the textbook “evil” stepfather.

Her family lives in an unfinished house lacking indoor plumbing, electricity with no means of communication. The home is in such disrepair because her mother remarried a man who is neglectful. Ruth’s family is forced to cross the border into the US to collect welfare benefits every month.

Adults are painted as neglectful and self-serving. For example, Ruth’s education was shortened because her mother needed help with the siblings. There were times that the children are left unattended for days with no adult supervision.

I read the book in two days and it gave me real insight to the issues that the author faced and how she came out on the other side. A sad book, but definitely worth your time.


Book giveaway on my blog until 2/23 https://www.facebook.com/suzyapproved...

[Heidi Wiechert · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Sound of Gravel is in the running for my favorite book club read this year! (Bull Mountain is the other pick I really enjoyed.) It is Ruth Warnier's memoir about her poverty stricken childhood in a polygamist cult in Mexico, her dysfunctional mother, abusive step-father, and struggle for survival along with her many siblings.

She pulls you in, first line: "I am my mother's fourth child and my father's thirty-ninth." pg 10, ebook. I read that sentence to my husband and his reaction was, "Are you reading a book about royalty?" Unfortunately, no. Ruthie's father was a founding member of the "Firstborns", a polygamist group that broke away from the Mormon church. He believed that, in order to live in the manner that God intended, men are supposed to have multiple wives and as many children as possible, to become like gods in the next life. He lived what he preached. But, unlike members of royal families, Ruthie's father, and later her stepfather, did not have the resources available to allow his wives to live in houses with running water or electricity. It is a hard existence but Ruth's parents live it because of their faith.

"After all," she said, "it is better to have ten percent of one good man than to have one hundred percent of a bad one." The women of LeBaron (the colony in Mexico) were always saying that..." pg 12, ebook. But what about ten percent of a bad man...

At first, Ruth's stepfather seems almost normal: "Everyone in the colony was always saying how Lane had a strong work ethic. He spent every day milking cows, planting and baling hay, fixing tractors, trucks, and other equipment- all of which broke down regularly. But in spite of all his hard work, he never made enough money to provide for his eleven kids and stepchildren." pg 21, ebook. And his family grew larger than that quite quickly. But, after a short time, he begins to show his true self.

It's hard to imagine the level of poverty that Ruth and her family endured. Every month, her mother and all of her brothers and sisters made their way by bus from Mexico to the US to collect government assistance. The trip took all day and when they got back, if stepfather Lane did not show up at the bus stop to pick them up, they had to walk a mile home. "The rest of us followed silently, watching and listening as Mom took a wide step over the highway shoulder and onto the dirt road, the gravel crunching beneath her footsteps, the sound of home." pg 29, ebook.

Ruth's mother tries to do what she can for her children but there's only so much a perpetually pregnant, struggling mother of five (or more) can do. Though, when she wouldn't leave Lane after he started to sexually abuse her child, I lost most of my respect for her. Some of Ruth's siblings suffer from disabilities that make it dangerous for them to be left alone with any of the younger ones. After reading what her childhood was like, I am simply amazed that Ruth survived to write this book.

Major trigger warnings for sensitive readers: there are some seriously disturbing scenes of child abuse and domestic violence. But, it is worth the read. The Sound of Gravel is ultimately uplifting, inspiring, and I highly recommend it. A few similar memoirs: Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis , Pigs Can't Swim, or A Girl Named Zippy.

[Diane Yannick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh good heavens above. I read this book voraciously, ignoring the rest of my life completely. Ruth Wariner's courage is inconceivable. She grew up in a fanatical Mormon polygamist Doomsday cult in Mexico. The hardships (such a lame word for what she endured) were recounted without a single shred of self pity. She shares her riveting life story from her earliest memories as a child to her life as an adult. (Not enough about her current life so I'm hoping for a sequel.)

Ruth's mother was totally incapable of showing her what happiness looked like; she could only show her how "to barely survive." Her mother believed with blind faith that "when you're doing what God wants you to do it will always work out for the best". She told Ruth not to worry that "God will always take care of us." It felt to me like God could have done a better job of looking after these defenseless children. Ruth later reflected about "how little mom asked of the world and how even that had been too much for the world to give". As a reader I was not nearly as generous as Ruth about forgiving her mother's shortcomings. For me she committed the unforgivable sin of choosing not to protect her children.

"What chance did I have of being heard by the leaders of a church who believed men were in training to be Gods?" Women were at the mercy of men who went from one wife to the next, meeting no one's needs but their own. Maria, Ruth's half-sister was instrumental in planting the radical idea that Ruth's and her futures could possibly hold some personal choices. Her grandparents were also much needed guiding lights.

This book made me cry and I hardly ever cry over books I read. There is enough in real life to cry over :--) Thank heavens for the epilogue as I had to know what the future held for my "friend" Ruth. I will have to choose this book to discuss with my book club so they too can be haunted by this amazing story. I like to share my distress whenever possible.

[Adine Marc · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book in one sitting. I am one of Ervil LeBaron's youngest children. Ruth's father is my uncle Joel, my father's brother. Ruth Wariner, the author of this book, is my cousin. Ruth and I were not raised together, as our shared past runs on parallel tracks. As I read Ruth's words, I found echoes of my own childhood. The images her writing portrayed were so vivid to me, that at one point I almost could not finish. She tells her story of pain, abuse, and eventual freedom in an honest and open manner, without self pity. She is able to depict the convoluted logic of the adults around her with amazing accuracy. Logic that my adult self has a difficult time comprehending, even though I was raised to think the same way. How could they allow themselves to be so sucked in? There honestly had to be some sort of disconnect.
The fact that Ruth came through all of this whole and intact is a testament to her inner strength and endurance. This book is a must read.

[Kalen · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fantastic book. Anyone who knows my reading style knows that I'm not a huge fan of memoir. Honestly, I think most people who have written them are either too young or (and I don't think there's a good way to say this without sounding like an ass...) don't really have that much to say that I am interested in reading about. But when I heard about The Sound of Gravel, I was instantly intrigued: this is not your run-of-the-mill memoir.

This one will knock you off your feet. Ruth Wariner is about my age (I think I'm a little older than her) and she experienced more in her early years than most of us, thankfully, will experience in our entire lives.

This is the story of being raised in a polygamist family and it is one of those stories that is so harrowing you can't believe it isn't fiction, the product of someone's imagination. I lost count of how many times I audibly said, "Jesus Christ" while I was reading and I teared up several times, something I haven't done since reading A Little Life.

What makes this book fascinating goes well beyond the voyeuristic aspects of looking at someone else's upbringing that was so vastly different than your own, but how to Wariner and her siblings this was normal life. They didn't know until they started to get older and spent time with their maternal grandparents that things weren't quite right. And for living in such poverty and having so few material comforts, there is much power in the simple, basic things we can all relate to when Wariner recalls the smell of the strawberry shampoo and the feeling of being toweled off by her mom, though the bath water had been murky and the towel was already wet from the last sibling's bath.

How Wariner came through these experiences in one piece is astounding and her story is going to stay with me for a long, long time. I wish everyone could read this right now but add it to your To Be Read list because January will be here before you know it.

(Disclosure: I know Ruthie and her husband Alan through our publishers' trade association.)

[Meagan (Meagansbookclub) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tragic and heartbreaking. ❤️‍🩹

[Chrissie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This surprised me; it pulled me in much more than I ever thought it would.

All too often biographies are written more for the author themselves than for a public audience. This is not the case here. Ruth Wariner's book speaks of events that should be made public and will be of interest to many.

She speaks of what it is like to live in a fundamentalist Mormon community. We follow the first fifteen years of her life. Then, at fifteen and with four of her siblings in tow, Ruth Wariner left Colonia LeBaron, the polygamist Mormon community established by her grandfather. It is situated in the northwest corner of Chihuahua, Mexico, 200 miles south of El Paso, Texas. I guarantee that both the departure, let's call it escape because that is what it was, as well as the events leading up it are sure to engage you.

The events, rather than the writing, are what pull a reader in. This is just as it should be for this story. The events alone deserve your attention. Please do not misunderstand me, the writing is in no way bad. Clear, simple and to the point is the best description.

The telling moves forward chronologically. The chapters are organized in a well-structured fashion, so you understand what happens step by step. Then gradually one sees how the events shape each individual. There is little display of emotion in the author´s words. Why this is so becomes evident. Family members are introduced peu à peu, with personal details depicting each. In this way each becomes a unique personality easily distinguishable from the others. As you can imagine, in a polygamous household there are many to keep track of!

This is no sob fest. I appreciate that not only difficulties, but also heartwarming memories are detailed. For me this enhances credibility and gives balance to the hardships spoken of. There is deep love between the siblings. Anger and jealousy arise too. Sexual and physical abuse are central themes. That sadness and grief came to be balanced with kindness and warmth makes the book readable.

The book zeros in on how the author felt toward her mother and her stepfather and each of her siblings. Each relationship becomes palpable and real. The stepfather’s behavior is utterly appalling, and her mother’s too, but in a different way.

Is the book simply about one particular family or does it successfully convey a larger message? My reply is yes to the latter. A polygamous relationship often leads to pain, unhappiness and jealousy. It is of little importance how many kids you have but rather how well you care for the ones you have. Kids cost and proper care costs and it is criminal to have more kids than you can properly care for. I am not speaking of luxury standards. I am speaking of what it costs to provide reasonably satisfactory housing, food, medical care and education. The book speaks of this, as well as the love that grows within a family and what it is to be family.

The book follows up with an account of what happens to all in the family after leaving Mexico and moving to the US. Are those that should be punished punished? Well, you’ll see what happens.

The book failed me on one point. Having read the book, I see clearly why one would seek to leave a polygamous cult, but I fail to understand those women who actually believe in its worth. Partially, this could be a result of how one is raised. Some are unable to escape from chains imposed, but the others, how have they become so brainwashed?! This I fail to understand.

The author reads the audiobook. Originally, I thought a professional narrator would have been better, but my view has changed. Her voice adds credence. It is read with down to earth simplicity and this mirrors how the book is written. The two fit well together. I understand the woman better having heard her speak.

Both the book as well as its narration I have given four stars. The story, told in all its simplicity, is moving, will engage you and is not over-dramatized.

[Nona · Rating 5 out of 5]

An open letter to Ruth Wariner.
Wow. What a story. What a life you were born into and what a strong young woman you were to endure and actually thrive. I could not put your memoir down until I finished it, as painful as it was in so many areas. Congratulations on surviving and best wishes for a happy ever after!
You deserve it more than you could know.

[CanadianReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of Ruth Wariner's 1970's childhood in a fundamentalist, polygamous community in northern Mexico. For me, at some point after page 100, the memoir turned into a page-turner about a train wreck of a plural Mormon marriage, but I admit that prior to that I regularly considered abandoning the book. Among other things, I found myself quite annoyed by the writing itself, particularly the endless dropped g's--tellin', talkin', followin'-- the gonna's and 'kay's, which were apparently the author's efforts to create the flavor of the family's speech. These seemed amateurish affectations rather than effective representations of real speech -- always "gratin'" on me and "distractin'" from the actual story. I felt Wariner's attempt to render the narrative through her childself's eyes was not quite successful either; however, I do appreciate how difficult it likely was to repress all traces of her justifiably aggrieved adult perspective. I also think the book would've been enriched by more detail about the daily life of the larger polygamous colony as well as greater insight into the motivation of the women who had agreed, as sister wives, to live in a state of perpetual poverty and pregnancy.

As I read, I regularly wondered if the author's mother, Kathy, who had three significantly disabled children (one of whom was likely autistic, and another who so failed to feed and thrive that a feeding tube eventually had to be employed) wasn't herself quite intellectually impaired. Kathy's deep passivity and willingness to allow her daughter and the daughters of others to be preyed upon by her despicable second husband, Lane, both appalled and infuriated me. Her bizarrely twisted morality allowed her to abandon her young children for days at a time so that she could have her time away with the husband she shared, to lie to social services and border officials with remarkable ease, and to milk the American welfare system for all it was worth. For some years, she apparently made a monthly border crossing from Mexico into "Babylon" (the U.S.A.) to collect the food stamps she felt herself entitled to. It seemed to me that her death was ultimately a mercy to all, the only thing to stop her endless cycle of reproduction.

I found the book's concluding chapter, which fast forwards Ruth's wedding day, less than satisfying. The author's marriage to a supposedly good (monogamous) man appears to be offered as some sort of proof that if one is only determined enough the quintessentially female fairytale ending can be realized. I found it a bit too much to swallow after having been regaled with over three-hundred pages' worth of details about the less than fairytale life and wifehood of the author's mother, her interminable cycle of baby-making, breast-feeding, and cowlike docility. It seemed to me that the final chapter's most telling fact was that the author's supposedly steady brother, Matt, had decided after some years of monogamy to live the polygamous life of his father and step-father.

In the end, though The Sound of Gravel compels, it does not effectively portray the complex psychology of the narrative's real-life characters. I certainly rooted for Ruth and admired her determination, dedication, and essential goodness. However, the apparently fairytale ending of her book does not do justice to the complexity of her ongoing story.

[Kristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

This is so disturbing, awful, heartbreaking, upsetting and a myriad of other negative emotions. What Ruth Wariner went through while growing up in a Mormon polygamist community (commune) was horrible and I am amazed that she was such a strong young girl who seems to have turned into an amazing person.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Sound of Gravel is a memoir by Ruth Wariner about her childhood living in a Mormon polygamist community in Chihuahua Mexico during the 1970s. There are many trips to the United States to collect welfare checks and see grandparents so the setting frequently changes.

This is heavy, heavy stuff that this poor girl and her siblings went through. Her father is murdered by the ‘Mormon Manson’ right near the beginning of the book. Many of her siblings are born with birth defects. One sister is sent to an insane asylum and others are mentally handicapped. There is repeated physical abuse and sexual abuse of boys and girls. There is the polygamy of course which is the root of many of the problems including trapping the sister wives in a cycle of ignorance and economic dependence. There is this belief that Jesus forgives but the same old crap keeps happening. There is welfare fraud to overcome the extreme poverty. The tragedy that befalls three of Ruth’s family members towards the end is so unbelievably sad and shocking. If it were fiction, I would say it was too farfetched.

With all that said there is value in reading this book and the writing is actually quite good.

4 stars. The fact that the author eventually made it to the other side of the tunnel to a successful life is heartwarming. However the other 95% of the memoir was difficult to read at least emotionally. I came away feeling that the polygamist father in this book deserved to die — he f’ed up so many lives. It’s that kind of visceral response and rage that this book elicits so be forewarned.

[Ashley Considine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought The Sound of Gravel was a great read. I found Ruth's story intoxicating and well-written (think Jeannette Walls, Glass Castle). Once the story line picked up steam, I couldn't put it down. It's amazing how well-adjusted Ruth seemed even at a young age amidst such chaos and injustice. Definitely recommend!

[Jenny (Reading Envy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw a review of this (from Heidi the Hippie Librarian) around the same time I read and reviewed I Fired God: My Life Inside---and Escape from---the Secret World of the Independent Fundamental Baptist Cult and they seemed related, so I requested it from the library right away. Sometimes whimsy and impulse invert my tbr list and I'm not sorry.

This book will be a great read for anyone who got sucked into Big Love or Sister Wives (guilty.) This is the true story of Ruth(ie)'s childhood in Colonia Le Baron, a fundamentalist Mormon polygamist community outside Chihuahua. The official name is Church of the Firstborn of the Fulness (sic) of Times, and is similar to but not affiliated with FDLS. Her family was central in establishing the church, and most of the kids in walking distance from her home are half-siblings or cousins from her father's various wives, or his brothers' wives. Her father was killed by her uncle when she was very young, so most of her childhood is spent occasionally around her stepfather, who also believes in practicing polygamy.

Are you sucked in yet? There is a lot of interest here in people living in very poor conditions, practicing religion in an extreme way, yet finding creative ways to get money from the US government. Definite warnings for people who prefer not to read cases of abuse. Very readable, but the writing itself isn't all that moving. Surely to survive this childhood is moving on its own.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this last night and am a little stunned. Truly a phenomenal and believable story of a young girl's commitment to her family--well, except for Lane, he was the devil incarnate! The writing was great and the pace was breakneck; it was a combo of GLASS CASTLE, LIAR'S CLUB, and (near the end) Betty Mahmoody's NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER.

Put this on your TBR list for January and also remember this for book group recommendations. Older teens will also like this, especially fans of A CHILD CALLED IT.

Thanks to Macmillan's Flatiron Books for providing the advance reading copy.

Update 5/11/18: Recommend this for those who liked Tara Westover's EDUCATED and Cea Person's NORTH OF NORMAL.

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wonder how many times Ruth Wariner’s writing was interrupted by tears as she recalled her childhood. The Sound of Gravelrecounts a lifestyle that I never imagined existed in this era – one that include polygamous marriages with multitudes of children and unspeakable poverty. She tells her story in a matter-of-fact style that I can only imagine reveals the strength that helped her survive her daily struggles as well as the abuse she endured for years at the hands of her stepfather.

Ruth was the thirty-ninth child of her father Joel LeBaron’s forty-two children. He was a prophet and leader of an extreme Mormon sect that formed a community called LeBaron in Mexico. The founders had been excommunicated by the LDS for their practice of plural marriage, which was something that church leaders preached was the greatest highest teaching. A man was to have multiple wives, and wives were to bring many new souls into the world in order to reach the highest level of heaven. After Joel was killed, Ruth’s mother Kathy remarried and continued to be true to that tenet, despite the many failings of her husband Lane. As Ruthie gets older, life gets harder. The family continues to grow. Several siblings are disabled. There are many trips back and forth to the States for to work, to collect food stamps and welfare checks, and to visit grandparents. They even live in the States for a time, despite the fears about Babylon and Armageddon.

When Ruth describes the tiny ramshackle house they lived in, I cringed. She recalls the stench of mouse droppings, the discomfort of having to share the bed with her older sister Audrey, who wore diapers that leaked at night, having no privacy, no running water, no electricity. Lane was worthless as a husband and father. He was always full of excuses, saying that his first wife also needed a shower, electricity, or whatever. Ruth’s calm narrator demeanor changed whenever she mentioned Lane. She hated that man, despite her mother’s insistence that she needed to forgive.

As I read on, I felt sad for the life these children led. I wanted to feel sad for Kathy too, because she married young and believed in her first husband’s teachings wholeheartedly. I felt angry because often she seemed passive, and she didn’t stand up for her kids or herself when I thought she should…except sometimes she did. I felt myself judging the adults, especially Lane, who justified everything by quoting the Bible and the church. If this were fiction, some of his miserable behavior would be too outrageous to be believed. Then I realized is that this book illustrates the human condition. It encompasses our strengths, our weaknesses, our hypocrisy, our compassion, our failures, and our hopes and our courage. From difficulty, pain, and tragedy, Ruth emerged a determined, accomplished woman with an important story to tell. She tells it well.

4 stars

[Dorothy Goebel · Rating 5 out of 5]

The inner workings of a polygamist colony would be fascinating without any other details. However, The Sound of Gravel shows us the personal side, the private side and all through the eyes of a young, brave girl. The author's understanding of her mother's motives and beliefs as well as her ability to separate the terribly wrong decisions from the love of her mother was riveting. This is a book I could not put down and actually stayed up half the night to finish. The author draws you into her family and you fall in love with so many of the people in the book and come to hate a few as well. A book full of emotion and fullness of spirit. Ruth was able to stand up through all the trials of her young life and also able to relate the strangeness of it all. This book really takes you on a dusty, dark journey into a world I never really knew existed. I would love to meet the author and will inquire at my local bookstore of the possibility of upcoming dates. This would make a fascinating motion picture.

[Krista · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was completely captivated by the author's story of growing up in a polygamist community in Mexico. She endured such incredibly difficult things including poverty and molestation by her step father and yet her story is told with such grace and forgiveness for those who could have changed things. She has such a love for her siblings and for her mom and it shone through. I was completely engrossed in her story.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent memoir about growing up in a polygamist family. Most people don't know a lot about polygamy except what they hear on the news in rare occasions or the current reality shows about certain families. I, for one, know there are multiple points of view about everything and because someone is in a polygamist family doesn't mean their life is the same as others in the same religion. This book was quite the eye opener for me with the little bit I've learned over the years and quite the opposite of "the famous Brown family" where they don't seem to want for anything except acceptance. To grow up in this religious lifestyle dirt poor is bad enough for the children in this family but to also deal with a predator on top of that made this a gut wrenching read that was hard to put down. I don't rate a lot of books with 5 stars but this memoir is well deserving of it and highly recommended by me.

[DeB · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir by Ruth Wariner is well written and very interesting. She documents her childhood, living as part of a polygamist sect in Mexico which was a hand to mouth existence in the 1980s.

The Sound of Gravel is not sensationalist but it does show a lifestyle where the assertion of faith and single-minded thinking overrode common sense, in the case of this family where the stepfather Lane had four wives, huge families, produced even more children and was an inept and unreliable provider. Ruth's story is a testament to her strength as well as a journey to understanding so much that was inexplicable to her as a girl. It is a story of polygamy where those lowest in the hierarchy had no identity, were not valued except as a means to enter to Heaven or to access Welfare and food stamps - and from which Ruth rescued her siblings as well as herself.

The ignorance, neglect and tunnel vision of Ruth's mother is hard to fathom, and was clearly motivation for the soul searching which Ruth describes in her memoir. I appreciate that she did.

4 strong stars

[Vivian Diaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5 ⭐️ Wow! What a well-written but heartbreaking memoir. Ruthie’s pov of growing up in a polygamist Mormon colony was very disturbing. The actions of the adults around her made me so mad too! I’m sorry but her mom failed her! Especially when she spoke up about what Lane did to her and she acted like nothing happened!!! No child should be raised in that environment. This book made me feel so many emotions. I honestly couldn’t put it down. I wanted to see how Ruthie was able to make it out of that situation. She was like a mom to her siblings and it warmed my heart how much she cared for and loved them.

Thank you, Ruth, for sharing your story with us. It really touched my heart ❤️.

[Sarah Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won an advance reading copy of this book as a Goodreads giveaway.

This memoir recounts the author's experiences of growing up a polygamous family. Ruth was born the 39th of her father's 42 children. Her father was killed when she was young and her mother remarried another polygamous man. Ruth and her siblings were raised on a farm in rural Mexico. The details of her physical home - the family lived in extremely impoverished conditions without indoor plumbing, ramshackle or completely absent electrical wiring, and a poorly insulated home that was freezing in the winter and burning up in the summer. Worse was the abuse that Ruth witnesses as her mother is beaten by her husband. Later, Ruth and several other girls are sexually abused by her stepfather. Several of Ruth's siblings were developmentally delayed and Ruth, as the oldest healthy daughter, was expected to contribute greatly at home and help with her many younger siblings.

I've read several other books that focus on polygamy, most recently Daughter of the Saints by Dorothy Allred Solomon and the shocking revelations that emerge from children who escape polygamy continue to horrify me. The image of Ruth and her siblings living in half constructed "houses" full of mice, being left alone with their violent and disturbed older sibling, and avoiding electrical shocks from the many faulty wiring projects half-completed by their stepfather were disturbing to read. Wariner does such an excellent job of conveying her story in straightforward prose and without self-pity. Unlike other polygamy stories, that bog the reader down in family trees that are nearly impossible to unravel, she conveys this complexity with simple anecdotes, such as her first day of school when the little girl beside her leans over and says, "Hey, did you know that we're sisters?" (60). Throughout, Ruth's devotion to her family and siblings was remarkable and inspiring.

Although as a reader I absolutely felt the author's hurt and anger over her mother's failure to protect her from sexual abuse and constant failure to protect her children from a life of poverty and poor choices, Wariner is also generous in highlighting the good memories she has from her childhood as well. Glimmers of happiness are seen as young Ruth plays with her friends at school, lovingly welcomes new younger siblings into the family, and appreciates the blessings she does have. Despite her pain, Ruth is overwhelmingly forgiving of her mother as an adult, realizing in hindsight what a difficult life her mother had: "I realized how little she had asked of the world, and how even that had been too much for the world to give" (265). She later elaborates saying, "She wasn't some monster, she was just another human being who'd gone looking for her life and somehow ended up on the wrong path" (271).

It was hard to believe the responsibilities that Ruth was expected to shoulder from such a young age, although it seems necessary as her mother had ten children and was mostly raising them alone. Wariner says, "When a new baby entered our home, protocol dictated that the baby who no longer needed to be nursed and burped was handed off to me" (198). It was hard for me to even imagine a young teenager being used to this family "routine" from such a young age. Amazingly after a tragic, freak accident, Ruth eventually assumed full responsibility for her three younger sisters and raised them while putting herself through school.

There were times when I felt that Ruth herself seemed almost too good to be true. I also thought the wife that helped Ruth and her siblings escape Mexico seemed to very conveniently change her mind about her lifestyle in the nick of time. Yet this is Ruth's story and sometimes fact is stranger than fiction. I would love to read more about how Ruth and her siblings managed on their own after they finally left the polygamous community in Mexico.

This was a heart wrenching memoir about a difficult childhood, yet told in a succinct and easy to follow manner. It was a fast read, as I was eager to know what would happen to Ruth and her family. While it was difficult to read about children living in such impoverished and abusive conditions, I felt relieved to learn that Wariner and her siblings are safe and happy today.

[♥Milica♥ · Rating 5 out of 5]

How many times did I burst into tears while reading this? Too many to count. What Ruth and her siblings went through was so vivid that it was hard to keep reading at certain points.

Any time Lane appeared on page I was scared what he would do, now imagine how scared Ruth must've been...and I immediately knew what kind of person (devil, really) Lane was from his first introduction. Ruth didn't say it, but the vibes were there. You can just tell when evil is lurking about.

This book made me so so mad, and of course sad. Just when I would think that things were about to get better - they'd get worse.

There were times when my mouth would drop open in shock, this was one of those moments:

“What Lane did to you wouldn’t seem so bad if some old Mexican man got ahold of you,” she ranted.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE (still can't) THAT THAT CAME OUT OF HER OWN MOTHER'S MOUTH.

My feelings about Ruth's mother were complicated during the book, at first I loved her because I thought she tried her best, especially when she left Lane the second he beat her, but unfortunately that didn't last long.

I know it's tricky to judge from the outside looking in, but there is a point where you do have to choose your children over a man. And it seems Ruth's mother was unable to do that until the very end, even knowing everything he'd done to her own and other kids.

Ruth meanwhile, is one of the strongest people I've ever read about. She not only managed to survive, but also freed herself and her siblings from the cult, and managed to find happiness at the end of the tunnel. Go Ruth!!!

I'd like to highlight Ruth's grandmother, she was probably my favourite adult in the book. She couldn't do as much to help the kids until they escaped, but it was clear she cared for them. May she rest in peace.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ruth Wariner's memoir about growing up in a polygamist colony (cult!) in Mexico makes the Glass Castle look like the Crystal Palace. Ruth's story is outrageously harrowing, gut-wrenching, and crazy-making, and the fact that she got to a place where she could tell it is truly amazing. I hope I can catch her on tour - I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants to give her an enormous hug.

[Ticcoa Leister · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an honor and privilege to have the opportunity to read an Advance Reader Copy (ARC) of The Sound of Gravel!

Ruth Wariner has shared the gripping story of her childhood in a remarkably captivating way. Once you pick up this book, you won't be able to put it down.

I've already preordered my copy--can't wait to have it on my shelves!

[Ingrid Lola · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most dramatic and heartbreaking polygamy memoir I've read. And it's well written, too!