Both of Me

by Jonathan Friesen

It was supposed to be just another flight, another escape into a foreign place where she could forget her past, forget her attachments. Until Clara found herself seated next to an alluring boy named Elias Phinn—a boy who seems to know secrets she has barely been able to admit to herself for years. When her carry-on bag is accidentally switched with Elias’s identical pack, Clara uses the luggage tag to track down her things. At that address she discovers there is not one Elias Phinn, but two: the odd, paranoid, artistic, and often angry Elias she met on the plane, who lives in an imaginary world of his own making called Salem; and the kind, sweet, and soon irresistible Elias who greets her at the door, and who has no recollection of ever meeting Clara at all. As she learns of Elias’s dissociative identity disorder, and finds herself quickly entangled in both of Elias’s lives, Clara makes a decision that could change all of them forever. She is going to find out what the Salem Elias knows about her past, and how, even if it means playing along with his otherworldly quest. And she is going to find a way to keep the gentle Elias she’s beginning to love from ever disappearing again. “Friesen’s writing is…stunning” – Kirkus Reviews “Friesen’s storytelling is laser-beam sharp” – Booklist starred review

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Fiction, Romance, Mental Illness, Realistic Fiction, Teen

256 pages, Paperback

First published December 23, 2014

About the author

I had the perfect life.

I was the grade-school star and the teacher’s pet. The world revolved around me and I suspected it always would. If you ask most people about their life, they don’t begin with fifth grade. But that was a good year.

Illness changed that. I retreated into a shell and escaped into words. Writing a story sucked the pain out of me, at least for a while. That’s when I learned to “feel” on paper. I didn’t think I’d be an author, I didn’t think I’d be much of anything, I was simply writing to survive.

Life changed in college. Health returned, the cloud lifted, and I got my teaching license.

Being a teacher, and being with those kids healed me. Surrounded by them, I relived periods of time stolen by childhood sickness. I was in my glory. But I couldn’t escape storytelling. All those years expressing myself on paper left their mark.

While my students worked, I wrote at my desk. Jerk California, my first book, flowed out of my own “lost years,” but hope fills the pages. Writing it was a beautiful thing to experience.

I now live on a horse farm with my wife, three children, and a growing number of animals.

Our home is on a hill that overlooks a river that snakes through a beautiful valley. We tear along the stream on the 4-wheeler. My three kids race through the pasture and scale the sides of the sand pit; they search for agates and chase wild turkeys that trespass on the gravel road that connects our hill to the rest of the world. I have promised them chickens and horses, but for now they settle for bald eagle and bear. It’s a good place to play and write.

At night, I walk out and listen to the wind rattle paper-thin bark on our birch trees. I stare at stars nobody else has seen and start a bonfire so bright it chases all the stars away. Then, my clothes full of smoke and my mind filled with ideas, I come inside and write until my fingers get heavy on the keyboard.

I love it here.

Reviews

[Amela · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bloke Word Count: 25
Number of Times I Bashed My Head Against Various Objects: no limit.

I WASTED ALL THAT TIME, ENERGY AND MY SANITY ON THIS BOOK FOR THAT ENDING?! REALLY?! This book sucked hardcore, and the ending even more so. I'm not one that NEEDS to have a happy ending or a typical happy ending, but this ending was AWFUL.

The writing for the entirety of the book was heinous. This author (American) wrote about a British girl named Clara, and in order to make her sound all "British", he used the typical/stereotypical slang CONSTANTLY. Always using words like "bloke", "bloomin", "jolly", "bloody hell", etc., you get the damn point. It hurt my brain reading not just those words, but the whole book. Along with that, the writing was so unbelievably messy and disconnected, that I'm not even sure how the author got this book to get published. It boggles my mind. I haven't read anything else by him, and MAYBE his other books are good, but after reading THIS pile of dump, I don't think I'll read any of this books. It threw me off.

If you should read it? Obviously I wouldn't recommend it to even my worst enemy, but, duh, it's up to you. If any of you blokes do read it, I wish you some bloomin' jolly good luck! ;)

[Lorrie Lewis · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book when I was in high school. I finally decided to commit to it (approximately 5 years later). Let’s just say there’s a reason I couldn’t get through it in high school.

The main character, Clara, is from London. Jonathan Friesen has clearly never met anyone from the UK. While people from the UK do say things like “bloke” or “arse”- they do NOT talk how Clara talks in the book. NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT!!! The writing just isn’t good.

50 pages in- I could not handle it anymore so I gave up and honestly the book just didn’t seem right. Maybe if I was still 15.

[Krystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an okay book for me but wasn't really my cup of tea to be honest. I had some expectations going in but wasn't totally sure if I would like the book and after reading it found I didn't really like it very much at all.

I just felt throughout nearly the whole book that it was strange and I kept thinking oh gosh these characters are just a tad bit nuts in the head and it became quote annoying after awhile. I tried so hard to get past it and just think its part of the story and who these characters are but it just didn't work for me. It was hard to relate to both Clara and Elias and even though Elias is meant to be 19? he seems like a young child and Clara being like 18 seems so much older than him even though they are both meant to be similar in age.

The kissing parts/romancy parts were just strange to me in this book and weren't like cute or those moments in books where you are excited or expecting it to happen, it just comes out as awkward and because Elias seems so much younger than Clara (even though he isn't) you think oh gosh she's kissing a younger boy and because of Elia's weird issues it just seems weird and kind of wrong in a sense because he probably doesn't really have an true understanding of romantic relationships or what kissing really means or is. This ends up making it seem awkward and something you just wish wasn't included in the story as it doesn't really add much to it and I feel like the author could've showed other ways in the story to show the bond between both Clara and Elias without adding kissing to the mix.

The ending of the book too was kind of weird and I didn't feel like it was a complete and good conclusion to the story and kind of made me wish I hadn't even read it which I know can sound a bit harsh but I think it's just one of those books that you either really enjoy or you don't and you either can really relate to and understand or you just don't. I think I am definitely in the latter of those two comparisons and found myself a bit confused throughout the story as well.

I wished I was able to have enjoyed it but sometimes there are just books you read that you won't enjoy no matter how much you try and this unfortunately was just one of them.

2.5 stars for me

[Sara Ella · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Writing…

Stellar. Seriously. My only other experience with a male author writing from a female point of view is John Green (hard to top, I know). And yet, Jonathan Freisen totally nails it. While reading Both of Me, I felt zero author interruption (aka, the author’s male voice slipping in here and there). I just felt like I was reading a really good story about a girl named Clara who doesn’t have it all together. A girl who’s trying to find her way in the world and maybe she just needs a little break from reality, a little Elias Phinn, to figure out not only what she wants, but what she really, truly needs.

The Story…

I quite enjoyed journeying to different “Salems” with Elias and Clara. It was sort of a road trip book, but also had a “coming of age” feel. I anticipated the moments when Elias was himself, and dreaded the moments when he slipped from reality and became “The Other One”–the Elias who lives in a fictional world with lightkeepers, and queens, and the need to protect his precious “Salem”. I also have to say that Jonathan writes some excellent romance–little moments when Elias and Clara found each other, and my heart literally stopped beating for a moment because wow, did a dude really write this? Yeah, like I said…stellar writing.

The Ending…

The ending left me feeling…hmmm…I felt satisfied, but a little down at the same time. I did not expect the plot twist, which just hit me like a mack truck loaded with bricks. I really fell in love with Elias (both versions) as a character. I won’t ruin it. I do have to thank Jonathan Friesen for adding the epilogue. That helped sweeten up some of the bitterness I felt toward the end. The thing is, even though I felt a little down in the dumps, I still thought the author handled the ending like a pro. It was realistic, but left some hope for the reader (and for Clara). It may not be the happily ever after I wanted, but it was still a good ending. ‘Nuf said.

[Gabs · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Oh my god. I started this book, and immediately there was a feeling of dislike. I originally picked it up because of its portrayal of DID, but quickly realized that its portrayal of this disorder didn't handle it well at all. Really, Both of Me was a bit of a trainwreck.

Clara is a really self-centered heroine. The things she does and the way she acts made me dislike her almost immediately. There's little change in her throughout the majority of the book--meaning I had to put up with the girl's incessant whining and complaining and just generally being selfish.

I wanted to like Elias. He has Dissociative Identity Disorder, meaning has multiple personalities. In this case, there is only one other personality besides the host personality, and that is this strange version of him who goes by the same name but believes that he lives in a fantasy land called Salem. I really didn't feel like this was a realistic portrayal of DID; I may not be an expert, but I've researched it and read a fair share of articles about it, and I don't think that Elias' condition really represents what most people suffering from this disorder go through. Notice I say most; it could be possible that Elias is just a little different than the norm for DID, and this is all plausible. HOWEVER, the ending, and how Elias was 'cured' of his DID just was not right. Usually, people with DID undergo intense therapy in order to join together all their different personalities and still retain all their histories...and that's really simplifying the process. It's very complicated, and even with successful therapy, people can still relapse. You can't just go to the place where the tramautic event that caused DID (or, usually events, since DID is most commonly found in those who have undergone horrible abuse in their childhood) and suddenly be 'cured' of it. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

I am still a bit confused on the relationship between him and Clara, because it didn't really feel like a romance to me. Which is kind of good, since it means the ultra-passionate lustiness that passes for romance in a lot of YA was not here, but also weird, because until one of the characters actually said that they loved each other, I was kind of confused on the nature of the relationship.

I still am not 100% sure on what the heck happened with the plot. It was so bizarre; I had a hard time keeping up with why exactly everything was happening, because it just didn't make logical sense! Like at times it was the equivalent of putting a dollar in the vending machine, pressing the button for a bag of pretzels, and getting...I don't know, a squid or something. Everything was so over the top and crazy.

Not helping was the writing style. Clara was narrating, and she would make it seem like staying at an inn too long was like trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe. Everything was way too melodramatic.

Both of Me had a good idea, but every single thing about it was messy. I found myself getting interested near the last 15% of the book, but even that got ruined, as I mentioned in the spoiler-y paragraph above. Beautiful cover, interesting blurb, but the story in between the two? Nah.

[Erin H. (ITIO Book Reviews) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Actual rating 1.5/5 stars

MORAL RATING:

PG: Some kissing, weird hints at more than kissing

THE GIST:

A huge thanks to Blink and Jonathan Friesen for a copy of this novel in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

To be completely honest, I had no clue what was happening in this novel about 95% of the time. The writing was confusing and halting. The characters were flimsy and forgettable.

Jonathan Friesen seemed to have a unique, interesting idea with this novel about a boy with dissociative identity disorder, but the follow-through lacked depth for me. Although there was plenty of promise in the premise, this novel was a complicated mess of trying to understand what was going on and then puzzling through why any of it mattered to me. Since this novel is from a Christian publisher, Blink, I think there was a connection to Christ somewhere in the 272 pages, but I have no clue what that connection is. Elias–the poor boy–is used by his family and friends because he “lives” in two worlds. One of these worlds is called Salem, and this world is more fantastic than anything that exists in their lives, so they use him to experience Salem. It doesn’t quite make sense to me, either. Clara is a girl drawn into Elias’ complicated life by his attractive face and his secret drawings, but she appears paper-thin in the text, blown this way and that by other characters and external circumstances.

With lines like…

"He ran into my arms and embraced me. I pressed my cheek against his chest. This was all I could hope for. Yes, I was home. He and I or the Other One and I or the searching me and him or the helping me or him… All of him with all of me.

…I’m completely lost.

Raise your hand if that makes any sense. No? Ditto, my people.

I scanned the last 30% of this book looking for anything redemptive. I couldn’t even find the energy to care about the last 25 pages of the novel, and I’m saddened by that. Overall, this novel suffered from a very, very, very busy plot where too many things are happening simultaneously.

MY RATING:

1.5/5 hearts.

For more reviews, check out: ITIO Book Reviews

[Ashes H · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had heard a few online readers mention had excited they were for this book and the synopsis sounded promising. It was a young adult novel, but the characters were a bit older; 19 and 18.

I looked forward to reading it and was absolutely excited when my pretty hardback review copy arrived in the mail...

what laid between the two covers, however, couldn't have been more disappointing.
I don't know much about Dissociation Identity Disorder...so this part of my opinion may be taking lightly...but everything about Elias' 'disorder' felt ridiculously fake.

I could barely stomach him, since it felt as if Friesen heard about DID, threw together his own opinion on what it was like and wrote a book.

Sadly, that wasn't even my biggest problem with this book.

I understand that books are not always intended to hold fast to the same laws of reality that we are held to.

Dragons pop through portals in fiction just as frequently as dragons dont pop through portals in our world.

That does not give authors permission, however, to take a book and completely throw everything logical out the window.

Both of Me could have really used some good old fashioned reality to tone down everything that sent me in a continued state of skeptical confusion.
I'm not even kidding when I say that I was convinced for the first 100 pages that this whole book would end with Clara waking up and all the events of the book were nothing more than a dream.

In fact, it went even further and I desperately hoped that that would be the case...because the cheap-order dream trope would be the only thing that could save this mess of a novel.


Lets have a quick run down of everything that prompted that desire:


Every word spilling from Clara's lips felt like the sort of thing that was supposed to be witty and bright...but landed somewhere between 'trying too hard' and 'are you mentally retarded to talk like that?'.

I've never met anyone who talks like Clara talks, and I don't mean that in a complimented way.


"Yes." I licked my lips, my goal only to extract him from his sketchbook. "I do want your secrets. Every single one - and since we have the time, lets start with your name."

His face tightened. "My name is not a secret. Elias. Elias Phinn"

"Hmm. A perfectly sensible name"

"Now I understand that you're emotional derelicts. You blokes have made that abundantly clear." I looked up to the one on the far end. The follower. "How come you don't speak? How come you always let this beast do the talking?"

The beast scoffed, "Ugly huh-"

"Oh sod off. Was I speaking to you? Was I looking at you? Do you not have any sense of propriety?"


Its completely fake, like the sort of thing you'd find in a disney channel tv show meant for children (which, don't get me started on how insulting cheap, cheesy and stupid tv shows for children are).


Second off, Clara is this strange girl who turns up on the steps of the inn that Guinevere (Elias' single mother) runs. She is a complete stranger.

So it is only natural that Guinevere trusts her completely with the care and keeping of her mentally unsteady son. Ah yes, because mothers with disabled children are completely ok with handing off the keys to their car and their only child to a moody teenaged stranger and saying, "here, take him to his therapy, will you?"

this actually happened.

im not even joking.

i wish i was.

Guinevere is completely stupid anyway.


The airplane - do not get me started on the airplane.

*spoiler* they buy an airplane. And strap it the roof of Clara's little car. and drive off the road with it.

happens every day folks.


I'm going to pardon Elias from this next bit, because while he is an 18/19 year old boy, it is hinted that he may have a touch of autism along with his DID. Having been a nanny to an autistic girl in the past, I find it completely ridiculous to insist that autistic people act like children even when they aren't children but...what the heck, lets roll with it.

But Clara has no mental instabilities or disabilities.

and she acts five.

hold on, I have an example.


"I said," he repeated, "welcome! I'm glad your're here!"

I peeked at the moose, cleared my throat, and stood. I rounded the table, grabbed Elias' chair with both hands, and yanked. Elias tumbled and I carried the chair to the fireplace wall.

I climbed on top of the chair and reached for my bag, Three inches. Three inches too short. I tugged at my bag and finally gave a mighty pull. The entire moose head broke free, falling, narrowly missing my noggin and crashing to the floor.

Nobody moved or spoke as I calmy extracted the strap from the antlers and unzipped the bag.


Clara is a 19/18 year old girl who pulls a chair out from under the mentally disabled son of the woman who is allowing her to stay free of charge at her inn and breaks the woman's moose head decoration (which, for some unexplained reason has Clara's backpack dangling from it's antlers...??) and then Elias calmly stands and remounts the moose head and everything goes back to normal. And Guinevere never says a word about any of the events that transpire right in front of her. like, literally, shes sitting right in the room. watching.

and she still chooses to push Clara to bring Elias to his therapy.

within thirty pages of the moose-head incident, Elias and Clara are kissing and holding hands. because romance.


also the grammar makes me want to whip out a red pen and spank whoever edited this book before it went to press.
i always try to say something good about a book, even if i completely loathe it (as i do this one).i had to really think good and hard about what good thing there was about Both of Me to be praised and i finally have it....


the concept is an interesting one.


it was just poorly executed, and in the end, the book was completely murdered in how awful it was.



but a good concept can not save a book that has nothing else going for it and so there is little else to do but rate it.

For characters that kept me rolling my eyes in disbelief, for a story that knew no reality, for writing and grammar which was sub-par at best and because there was so little to actually appreciate in this book...I can't rationalize giving it anything more.



This review is based on my own opinions; please do not let it affect your own opinion. Just because I did not like the book does not mean you will not like the book.

I was sent this book for free for the purpose of providing an honest review.

[Ari B · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG! This was great, it was eye catching at the first moment I saw it. And these feelings were not misplaced nor had this author let me down. I would say there were some gruesome parts to this story and some realism at the end, but I thought it was suiting. Some parts of this read were confusing, but if you ask me if it is worth reading, I will say "YEESSS! read this book immediately! And don't put it down until you finish!" Well written characters, great storyline and plot, enough mystery and intrigue to hold you until the end. Enjoy!

Discussion Q

How would the story be different if it was written in the antagonist's point of view?
The antagonist, I think, is the secondary main character. His name is Elias Phinn and he has a multiple personality disorder due to childhood trauma. I think it would be a bit harder to read if the story was in his perspective because of the changing of personalities and all, but I think it would be for sure interesting. The mystery of Lil' T would be less obvious and there would be more confusion about Clara, the main character, 's intentions toward Elias and the journey they travel during the story.

[Janie Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book through BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review. I really did not know what to expect with this book, but the synopsis of the story pretty much sold me so I went ahead and requested it for review. I have to say that is was just ok for me.

Clara finds herself running away from her problems, heartaches and responsibilities. She finds herself on an airplane seated next to Elias Phinn and he somehow knows a few of her secrets. After they land Elias departs with her bag. So she is on a quest to track him down and get back her belongings but what she finds is nothing of what she expects. Elias has 2 personalities the odd one she met while on the plane who lives the an imaginary world of Salem, and then the kind sweet Elias who meets her at the door of his house. Clara learns that Elias suffers from dissociative identity disorder and she gets ensnared into both the lives of Elias and they embark on a journey to find the lightkeeper.

I found this story very odd, but also very different from anything I have ever read. The beginning of this book is a bit confusing until you get used to Elias and also the authors writing style. Once you do the story becomes a little more enjoyable. I found that while reading the book it started making reality a little more obscure as Elias would switch back to his imaginary side, which I am sure is what the author intended. I expected much more from this read though, I expected a whole new world to be introduced to the readers but that did not happen. I think there could have been so much more to the story. I did find that there was a good message to the story though.

The characters were ok, although I don't expect them to be all that memorable. I think they could have had a bit more backstory to them. I think their lives, especially Clara's was a bit vague and I did feel like I knew them, so I found that I did not connect to them all that well. Clara, to me, lacked strength. She allowed herself to be pushed around most of the time in the story. I think the story would have been better had Clara found a little more self worth.

Overall the story was ok, but I just expected more. Rating this one 2.5 stars. I have no idea who to recommend this story too. I guess anyone can give it try and form their own opinions..

[Mad · Rating 4 out of 5]

**A big thanks to Zonderkidz-Books and NetGalley for providing me with a digital ARC copy of this novel.**

I went into this book fairly blind. I remember first hearing about it from Sasha (abookutopia) on YouTube and subsequently looked it up to find that it involved DID -- Dissociative Identity Disorder -- previously, and still more commonly, known as Multiple Personality Disorder. And that was it.

What I didn't anticipate was that I'd get a story that is equal parts engrossing and equal parts frustrating, and both are tied into the same issue: the not-quite 'magical realism' portions of the plot, tied with the irrational and dangerous behaviour of the female protagonist. Like, should she really be going off with this Elias kid and doing all the things she does for him? No. No she should not; hell, this goes so far past the realm of Good Samaritan, that it's ridiculous.

And the magical realism elements, while lovely, feel virtually unfocused and un-moored for effectually the entirety of the novel It is not until the last two or so chapters that ANYTHING is revealed, which is maddening of the reader whom is attempting to keep up with the protagonists. HOWEVER< the story is lovely, the characters are lovely, and the ending is still affecting.

I definitely recommend this book for people who are fans of YA contemporaries, especially ones that deal with 'tough stuff' issues and/or mental illness in teens.

[Lela · Rating 2 out of 5]

To be frank, I spent most of this book trying to get it over with.

I didn't enjoy it that much other than a few chapters.

The characters were everywhere and hard to follow.
Clara's mindset changed constantly.
Elias was much like a deer in the headlights.
The dad was mentioned constantly, but barely explained.
And, so on..

I read the entire book and I still can't grasp the meaning behind everything.

I could state multiple things why I didn't like this book. I didn't hate it, but I didn't like it very much either.
2/5 stars.

[Katie Grace · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ehhhh. I feel like it could've been a lot shorter. And I was confused for part of it. (I had the confusion probably with some of his other books.) But the ending was heartbreaking and terrible but... I liked it? It had a certain amount of tragicness and a light of hope and that's how I like my endings. But overall I wasn't too crazy about the book.

[Annalie · Rating 2 out of 5]

When I was about halfway through this book, I didn't think I was going to like it by the end.

The main character in this book is from London, whereas Friesen is an American author. It's obvious that he's looked up British terminology/slang in order to make the book as accurate as possible, however reading this feels like reading a mockery of British language. It feels like Friesen took it one step too far.

I also felt uncomfortable with the plot and the morals which it presented.

The main character, Clara, is running away from a secret in her past and has set up a false blog where she asks for money to fund her trip, but claims the money is going to children in need. This is never resolved. She never has to apologise or return the money for essentially stealing from people.

She is also very selfish and rude to people she meets, something which I gather is meant to be her 'defensive' character created from the dark thing that happened in her past. Whatever the reason, I didn't find her to be relatable. I didn't like her very much at all.

The relationship between Clara and the boy Elias seemed forced. I didn't see or feel the connection between them and I didn't like the way Clara treated him at any point. It really just made me uncomfortable.

At some points in the book, something would happen for no reason at all. A character would say or do something that was out of character, had nothing to do with the plot, and generally just served to confuse me.

When I first finished this book I gave it 3 stars, but have since changed it to 2. I only started liking it a bit more in the second half when the plot picked up and got more exciting, but the ending disappointed me and even when everything was explained I felt dissatisfied.

Maybe it would be better for a younger reader without as many expectations as I had, but then again I wouldn't want a younger reader thinking that the things which happen in this book are okay.

[Jacqueline Ballard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't give books five stars very often, but I just finished Both of Me yesterday, and I'm still in awe. If anything stuck out unequivocally to me, I would have to say that it is the authenticity of the characters. The raw emotions exhibited by both main characters, Elias and Clara/Clarita, were nothing short of moving. As a reader, when one of these two characters were happy or heartbroken, so was I. Have you ever fallen in love with part of someone? That's the lingering question that plagues the reader for a majority of the novel. A chance meeting throws Elias and Clara/Clarita together, and the irony of the title will not be lost on readers. Elias suffers from a personality disorder; there are two Eliases, one who is based in the real world and one based in a fictional world called Salem. The novel depicts the adventure Clara/Clarita sets out on with the later Elias in search of something that can make him whole. Fantasy meets and challenges reality, but love ultimately conquers all. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who wants to read something different for a change.

[Jeff Raymond · Rating 2 out of 5]

So this is the second book from this imprint that I've read recently, and, while this one was marginally better than Summer by Summer, the end result is still the same, with a dull narrative and not much in the way of engaging characters (while, at least this time, leaving the religious stuff mostly off to the side). The story is about a teenage boy who has disassociative identity disorder, which we learn about after his bag is inadvertently switched at an airport and a girl returns it. The story quickly becomes a travel affair as he and his other identity work to solve a bit of a mystery.

It's just weird. As a book about DID, I didn't feel like I got an idea of the actual disorder. As a book about a tragedy, it just doesn't impact until it's too late. As a book about a road trip, it just misses the mark. I wanted it to work so much, and it just doesn't.

Skip it. There's just not enough there to warrant the investment.

[Amanda Faye · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book without having heard of it before. Reading the premise, I thought it sounded exactly like the type of book I would be interested in. So I went with my gut and bought it.

Just before I started reading it, I read the reviews here on it. In spite of the fact that so many of them were negative, I still had a really good feeling about it.

My gut was right and I finished it in three days.

Both of Me is fantastically well written, humorous, heartbreaking, breathtaking, and full of a strange reality that I couldn't get enough of. I felt thoroughly confused through most of the story, but it was in the best way possible. I was constantly interested and never once found myself putting it down without wanting to pick it right back up.

I realize this book won't be everyone's cup of tea, but this exactly the type of book I would implore my friends to at least give a try.

[Pavitra (For The Love of Fictional Worlds) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actual Rating 4.5 Stars

The full review will be up here as well as on ForTheLove of Fictional Worlds as soon as I come to terms with what this book has done to me!

[Dominique]

So...umm...not really sure what to rate this at the moment...that ending :(

[Alexa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too unrealistic for me but maybe that's because it's more of a symbolic story. It doesn't really come together until the end but it was alright.

[AuroraIce]

I opted out of rereading this book since I remember how it ends, if a little vaguely. I can just look up other reviews and detailed summaries for further help.

From what I remember, the main character has been taking care of her siblings and the house since her dad went to jail. She had been helping her mom with her baby sibling on an icy winter when her mom slipped and tried to hand the baby to her, but he fell through her hands and cracked his head and died. She ran off to hide in shame, the dad came over and curled over the baby while the mom hit and blamed him for some reason and went on to never mentally recover, and the dad took the blame to protect the girl from her guilt or something, which I don’t understand because it was an accident. When the police came to pry her dad off while the mom blamed him, he ended up punching one and got sent to jail. The girl remained hiding and has blamed herself for not coming down to tell the truth.

It’s entirely possible I’m mixing this up with another book.

Her dad is getting out of jail, and feeling guilty and certain he’ll blame her, she gets everything prepared for his arrival and then leaves before he returns, heading out to figure things out on her own. During her travels, she ends up sitting next to this cold guy who’s doodling in a sketchpad.

Due to a luggage mixup, she tracks him down to I think a Bed & Breakfast type place his mom runs and they meet again, except he doesn’t know her and is friendly and cheerful. Lots of the people there are friends of his family and look out for him, maybe, or maybe not. Can’t remember.

She soon learns he has split personalities, the one she met on her trip who was closed off and lives in his own fantasy world, and the one who’s friendly. His mom is very protective, so he doesn’t get to travel around like he wants. He possibly draws places he wants to go, and/or hints of some dark memory. I think his mom doesn’t know why his personality split, and his dad’s not around.

She likes the nice one but relies on the grumpy one when she notices his sketches match her life and she wonders how he knows them, but needs to follow his delusions to find out.

Eventually the pair agree to sneak off together and go traveling for answers. His mom trusted him to be safe with her, but the pair leaves to follow the hints in his sketches/memories, secretly intending to find what messed up his head. I don’t know if they intended to cure him, or if his mom actually knew what happened to him.

Anyway, they ultimately went to Maine, somewhere with water and a rocky rising shore and a lighthouse, and he finally recalled that he had been there with his dad and climbing the thing and saw his dad having an affair. He ran off, his dad tried to chase him and explain, but he shoved him away and his dad fell down and hit his head and immediately died, then he ran off and got a ride back with the boat guy who had seen it all but wanted to spare him the guilt. That’s what he’s been sketching.

In finally remembering, he reveals he’s actually looking for the woman his dad cheated with, planning to end this, and that scares the girl who leaves him as he begs her not to abandon him, which I think is a recurring issue. However, when she reads her dad’s diary about his love for her little brother, she goes to check on the boy again only to learn he took a little plane, as they comfort him, and flew to the island, but crashed and crawled the rest of the way to the lighthouse to set out his drawings before he died.

I see how it’s a mirror of the girl’s experience with her sibling and her dad, though I feel like this would add more guilt to her since this wouldn’t have happened if she let the boy’s mom keep protecting him, or if she didn’t ditch him. But I think her being selfish was a recurring theme.

I don’t remember if she sent a message back to his mom, or went back and reported directly, and maybe she was understanding about it, like it was inevitable he would die because of his mental disorder, but I have a real problem with it. Then the girl went home and found that her dad was happy to see her and had been waiting for her and explains that he knew the whole time she had watched what happened and stayed silent but she was young and scared and he chose to protect her. I think they were emailing each other or something and he was trying to urge her to come home that whole time, but she might’ve originally messaged him anonymously and he figured it out.

I don’t remember feeling super negative about this book, and I understand that the events are supposed to reflect each other and be a lesson for the girl somehow I guess (I don’t really get how though; that people fall and it’s no one’s fault?), and it’s not a love story, but I really don’t get the point of the story. I guess award winning books have a different theme and type of enjoyment or lackthereof than typical fiction, so maybe that was the intended direction the author had in mind, to have a moral or a message and some deeper thing and death because death wins awards.

That’s not meant as an insult, just me rambling and trying to sort things out in confusion.

It’s entirely possible I have different details mixed up with other stories and the stuff I do remember is remembered incorrectly. I did end up scanning through the ending since I checked other reviews and saw no mention of his death so I started to doubt myself, but it gave me some details and corrections to add to my review and I was right about him dying, though I had to change the way it happened cuz I had that wrong originally. And apparently they met a ton of people along their journey and I did not want to get back into that.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Side note: I would like to say that I added the mental health category for this one since the main character does suffer from DID (dissociative identity disorder) but it is NOT in the same vein as other books such as Girl in Pieces , so please keep that in mind)

Well, I was not sure what to expect with this one, and at the end, I'm not sure what I got from it. With that being said, I did give it 4 stars, and I'll stand by them. Mainly because I was so intrigued while reading, and because I just had to keep going to find out what happened. Based on the inside cover, I was expecting some sort of love story, which it kind of had. But it was much more in the vein of magical realism than I was initially expecting.

Overall, I'd say give it a try. You'll know within the first 50 pages if you are into the style or not.

[littlemjs4 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Both of Me , written by Jonathan Friesen, is a romance novel that describes the adventure of Clara, a young British girl running from her past, and Elias, a boy from Minnesota who is caught between reality and an imaginary world, Salem. Their growing relationship displays how the strangest of events can connect two completely different people.

Both of Me was written from the perspective of the main character, Clara. Jonathan Friesen uses her thoughts and struggles to create the intimate relationship that grows between Clara and Elias. As Clara travels across the states to uncover Elias’ past, she learns about the deep connections that discreetly connect her and Elias together. It’s their similar life experiences that show the theme of the hidden relationships that can be discovered through shared emotions between strangers.

The book had an amazing story line, however it took awhile to really enjoy it, it moved really slow and the climax of the novel didn’t occur until the end. The writing also wasn’t as fluent as expected, there were times where the pages mixed together making it difficult to fully understand what occurred during the chapter. As I continued reading, I was able to understand the events that took place, making it a bit easier to follow. The book contain an amusing story that was definitely worth the read, though it contained some minor flaws in the flow and structure of the book.

[Luce · Rating 1 out of 5]

Summary pulled me in but the plot did not do it justice. Clara was all over the place and Elias was too especially towards the end. The book does not present an accurate representation of DID. I did not see the ending coming and I do not mean it in a good way. I saw another review that Clara acts like a five year old, especially one scene in particular, and I agree with it completely.

10/10 Clara is horny.

[Carlye Krul · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't completely know what to say about Both of Me. It was a good book, but I didn't like the ending. It sorta stopped at an odd spot and we were left hanging for the rest of our lives because it's a standalone book. But I would recommend to fans of contemporary books.

[Kaysia Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

6.5/10 Lots of mixed feeling about this one. I went through stages of loving it and stage of being very confused. The ending was interesting but I’m not sure if i feel like it was a bit o a cop out? So conflicted :’)

[Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this so much more than I actually did. It was compelling, but unrealistic at times and I really did not like the main character.

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5

the only thing that saved this book from 2 stars was the characters. the story was pretty good but the writing was not that great, not enough was explained and it was so fast paced. I felt like a lot of the characters were just talking heads and not fully developed characters, it got pretty tiring after a while. like I said, the only thing that saved the book were the characters and their chemistry. It was a good quick summer read but nothing i would read again and again.

[Echo · Rating 1 out of 5]

0 stars

This book was a disaster. It has everything that could possibly be wrong in a young adult book about a rare mental disorder, as well as being terribly written. Why do I say it's so bad? Let's get right into it.

First off, the main character Clara is incredibly bad. Not only is she poorly written as a British person (it's written as if the American author just thought, "I know all this British slang, so I'll write a book with a fake-sounding slang-speaking British character". I'm American and even I know she doesn't sound realistically British), but she also is incredibly selfish and she uses people. She leaves behind her siblings who need her in order to go on an adventure around the world — which, by the way, she pays for by lying to people on the internet to get their money. She meets a boy named Elias on a plane (it's also never said why he's on a plane in the first place), and when she learns that he has DID and a magical world (I'll get to that in a moment), she decides to kidnap him and take a trip across the country, using him. She acts like a child, even though she's either eighteen or nineteen (I don't remember which age, only that she didn't act that old, either way). As an example, she sees her bag hanging on the antler of a moose head decoration in the inn she's staying at for free (why it's there is unclear and unrealistic); upon seeing it, she yanks the chair out from under Elias, whom she knows is mentally unstable, and then grabs her bag, tugging the entire decoration down. She then goes back to her seat and believes she did nothing wrong. She never acknowledges that she does anything wrong, and she never apologizes. She frequently treats Elias as if he's an idiot and she also calls the Other One autistic and decides that she's going to cure Elias by making him be the Elias she likes better (not the Other One) as if she can decide which one he is and she can just magically cure him. Y'all, this isn't a fantasy story. It appears that every word she says is meant to be witty and smart, but it comes out between "stupid" and "trying too hard (and still failing)". Finally, Clara is very pushy; she assumes that what she wants is what everyone else wants. Specifically, she tries to push romance on Elias, which is gross because for one, she kisses him and touches him in a sexual way when he is resisting (she says to relax and it's fine) and for two, he acts very young and immature, and because she is eighteen or nineteen, she may as well be much older than him (even if she's also horribly immature herself). The only mistake she thinks about (and, disgustingly, uses as an excuse for being a bad person) is that she killed her little brother by dropping him on his head as a baby, which she has never owned up to; she also talks about the fact that he had Down's, which has nothing to do with the fact that she killed him: He would have died no matter whether he had Down's syndrome. In summary, my first point is that Clara is horrible.

Second, the adults don't act like the responsible adults they should be. For one, everyone allows Clara to rude and actually awful to the boy they're supposedly so protective of. When she selfishly and rudely yanks the moose off the wall, the owner of the inn where she's staying for free says nothing. When she knocked the owner's son off his chair to use it for her bad behavior, Elias's supposedly protective mother doesn't do anything about it; she doesn't even do the simple thing of making Clara pay to continue to stay. When Clara speaks rudely to Elias, no one does a thing. When Clara is a bossy and entitled brat, no one does a thing. I hate that. Actual adults would do something about her behavior. For two, they are selfish. All the adults are using Elias for his "Other One" side. They like Salem and they don't actually get him help because they want him to be better. They want him to continue hurting. Even Clara, who (despite how little she behaves like it) is also an adult and who actually wants him to get better, is only trying to make him better because then she won't have to feel guilty for the mistake she made; she wants him for her selfish desires for him as her boyfriend, so she can keep the "better" side of him. The "real" him. The only person who might actually care about other people is Elias's mother, Guinevere. For three, they are irresponsible. To go on a chronological explanation of how irresponsible they are, here's what happened in the book for me to say that. (1) Clara left behind her siblings to go on a worldwide trip because she hates her father for going to jail (for what she did, if I understood properly). (2) Guinevere, Elias's mother, let him keep the random bag that he accidentally got from the airplane and empty it in his room (why? You're the mother, and you should tell him to bring you the bag to find the person's number and tell them that you accidentally ended up with their bag). (3) Guinevere doesn't know Clara at all but she tells Clara that Clara will have to bring Elias to his therapy (yeah, give your mentally unstable son with a stranger to bring him to therapy). In summary, my second point that the adults are unrealistic, irresponsible, and selfish.

Third, the writing itself is absolutely horrible and I don't know how this mess could ever have been published. I'm not even an adult and I write much better than this. I have already explained to you how the dialogue is unrealistic: Fake British English, stupid or "trying to hard" speech that's meant to be funny, and just generally completely unnatural dialogue. The writing is not descriptive. The descriptions were either poor — very rare and bland — or non-existent. I didn't know where or why anything was happening. The worst thing is that this book has no actual clear line of events. The events aren't in any reasonable order. Clara's on a plane, meets a boy with DID, kidnaps him, and decides to take him on an absurd road trip where she plans to make him no longer have DID. She means to join his personalities. Books don't have to be realistic. Fictional stories are, by definition, not meant to be exactly following real life and telling what really happened. Fiction is meant to be made up. But that doesn't mean they are supposed to completely throw away all logic and reason. This book doesn't make any sense; the flashbacks don't happen in logical places; the characters' decisions make no sense; the situations have no realistic reason; and the plot is completely flawed from the very beginning (see the section below: " Misrepresentation of Mental Disorders "). I couldn't follow what was happening. I could understand if a fantasy story would be as jumbled as this, but not a realistic fiction. If he wanted to get away with this junk, he should have written a fantasy — it would have been better than this. It might even be understandable if the book were from the perspective of a person with DID, due to the shifting of personalities. But this is absolutely not from that perspective. It wasn't even that the story as a whole was confusing. Many sentences were confusing and confused. There were many unrelated sentences in the same paragraphs, or there were run-on sentences that made no sense, or there were sentence fragments that should have been full sentences because they made no sense without the rest of the sentence. The author wrote as if we know all the context… which he is purposely holding back from readers. In summary, my third point is that the writing in this book is poor: confusing and jumbled up all the way through, with no logic or reason for anything.

And finally, we need to get into the biggest problem of all with this book. Because of the size of the issue, it needs an entire section. Let's get into it.

Misrepresentation of Mental Disorders
In Both of Me by Jonathan Friesen
Autism and DID are both incredibly unrepresented in many places. That means that it is extremely important that when we make representation of them it needs to get accurate and not stigmatizing to autistic people and people with DID. That is, the representation should not show people with those disorders as violent or bad, or show them in a way that real people are not. This book didn't do that at all. This book completely misrepresented both autism and DID. It shows a failure to understand either disability.

Autism
I'll start with autism, because it's a bit shorter and it can lead into the explanation of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder. That is, it is a disability that is in the brain from birth. The brain develops with connections that are different from the way that allistic (non-autistic) people's neural connections are. Because the brain is what is autistic — not the mind — it is impossible for one personality of a person with DID to have autism while the other (or another) does not. If the person is autistic, every personality is autistic. It might present differently — for example, they might have different stims or different special interests, as well as a different level of understanding of social cues from observation, but they have the same development of the brain, so their development is the same. The main character of the book does not understand autism at all. The most basic understanding of autism is that it is a neurodevelopmental disability. She clearly doesn't know that, because she says that Elias's "Other One" is autistic while Elias is not autistic. She is not a doctor, thank goddesses (I would not trust her to correctly help any of her patients), so she can't actually diagnose Elias, but it still disgusts me that the author wrote that "the Other One" is autistic and bad as if autism makes the "Other One" a bad person, and then Elias (the nicer side?) is "normal". She uses autism as a synonym for rude and awful, and then normal means nice and letting her get away with very bad behavior. The author clearly uses autism as a word to mean antisocial, rude, and childish. I can't stand it. This is the exact kind of autism "representation" that no one needs. Autism doesn't automatically make someone rude and antisocial. Besides, it gives an excuse for people to say that autism can be cured. If it's how Clara thinks it is, it's only in the mind; therefore, it could be fixed with therapy or some other treatment. Autism is going to affect every single alter in a DID system. If Elias is autistic, every part of him is autistic. It's not just the "Other One". This, in fact, is then misrepresenting DID and autism.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
That brings me to the misrepresentation of DID in this book. It seems that the author, Mr. Friesen, heard of DID one day and decided that Oh, I can come up with a story based on that [completely false and mislead idea of what it is that I came up with in my entirely incorrect head]. According to the author, the following paragraph is what DID is like. A person has DID because of a single traumatic event in their life. In the story, that is the murder of Elias's father by Elias. The person the randomly switches personalities for absolutely no reason. There isn't a trigger of any kind. It simply happens randomly and unexplainably. The second personality lives in a fantasy world that is actually of their own invention and they somehow magically end up with the details of other people's lives, also for no reason whatsoever. After all, that makes sense, doesn't it? The way to cure DID? Go back to the spot of this single trauma and they will snap back together and have a single personality again. Also, there's the small fact that people with DID are rude, creepy, dangerous. I shouldn't have to tell you that this whole understanding of DID is utterly incorrect.

What is DID actually? DID is a dissociative disorder caused by repeated severe traumatic events (usually abuse) in one's developmental years. That is because the child's personality isn't fully developed before about age eight. The child develops to have a personality that is able to deal with the abuse and a personality that is separate, that flits away in one's own mind when one is triggered. One traumatic event is not enough for a child to develop a whole second personality to deal with it. The child can learn to cope with a single traumatic experience, or even two or three. It is when the trauma is repeated and frequent so the child has no choice but to form this alternate self to save all the trauma and protect the host (the original personality, if you will). That isn't up for question; it is in the definition of what DID is. That's the first thing Friesen got wrong.

The second thing Friesen got wrong is this: According to him, Elias just switches personalities without any trigger. That is not how it works. In PTSD (or C-PTSD, which DID is closer to), a person would be triggered and experience flashbacks. That means they feel as though they are in the traumatic situation again. Because DID also comes from trauma, a person with DID can be triggered by things related to the traumas that they experienced. The difference is that with C-PTSD, the person would just have a flashback: They would relive the situation in the personality that they always have. They don't switch personalities. However, when someone with DID is triggered, they switch to the alternate personality that was formed to deal with that situation. Say that someone with C-PTSD is yelled at, a trigger for them — they will have a flashback, and they may have a panic attack. Now think about a person with DID for whom yelling is a trigger. They are yelled at — they will dissociate and their personality will be pushed back to be replaced with an alternative personality that was formed to deal with being yelled at. Perhaps the personality is quiet and just takes it for the host, or perhaps it fights back against the person who is yelling at them. Either way the personality completely switches… because of the trigger. If there is no trigger the person's personality won't change because they don't need that personality to manage the situation. They are in a situation that the host personality is able to deal with, but when there is a trigger another completely different personality that can cope with it will come out instead. Elias changes for no reason at all, so in addition to not even having DID from actual realistic events that would have caused it, he doesn't switch in the way that a person witb DID switches.

The third thing that is wrong with this portrayal of DID is that Elias's "Other One" lives in a fantasy world. Does dissociation sometimes lead to a person having a very not real experience of the world? Sometimes, yes. But I don't believe that the first representation of DID in this book is that the alters live in a weird fantasy universe. I could be wrong — feel free to correct me on this — but I don't think that is a good form of representation when all the other information is clearly false after some simple research.

The fourth thing wrong with this portrayal of DID is that Elias is shown as dangerous. He killed his dad. He wants to go back for some reason, and it comes out that he is actually a murderer. People with mental illnesses are so often shown as dangerous. We don't have compassion. We don't care about other people. We hurt people on purpose. We kill people. It's true that some — many, even — killers are mentally ill but we have plenty of books about mentally ill murderers and criminals. It is something I've seen online frequently that people with DID are inherently dangerous in some way. That isn't fair, and it certainly is not something that should be shown like this in a rare book about someone who (according to the misinformed author) has DID. DID doesn't automatically make you dangerous and it is a stigmatizing thing to write a book that very clearly says that DID is dangerous.

Finally, the author is wrong about how you cure DID, how you bring someone's personalities together and unite them into one self. One personality. He says that the way to cure it is to bring them back to the place where they experienced their trauma. He showed Clara believing that she could magically fix him by bringing him to the scene and then, instead of showing her learning oh, that's 100% false it works. Nope, that is not how it works, Mr. Friesen. The only way that a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder can bring their personalities together is through intense therapy that is meant to help them process the trauma of their young childhood and bring together every part of them to stop dissociating. Bringing them back to the scene of their traumas is most likely to just trigger them and possibly make them dissociate so that they have the personality that is able to cope with it.

Conclusion About Misrepresentation
I am thoroughly disgusted by the way that this book showed autism and DID. We need representation of both of those disabilities, especially DID, which I have never seen in any other book. It is incredibly important that all people are represented, especially people with disabilities, who have been ignored and shut down for so many years. We have to be careful though that the representation that is being published and that is being read is good representation. The best representation is by the people with the disorders, so I thought I would recommend a few autistic authors and a few authors with DID.
Autism
- Ivelisse Housman
- Chloé Hayden
- Mayzie Eddings
- Sienna Castellon

DID
- Sydney Hegele
- Cameron West
- Emma Grove
- Stephanie Russell

Conclusion to Full Review
I do not recommend this book to anyone, and in fact if you have bought you should rip it up and throw it in the trash. Or you can use it to warn people about misrepresentation and also poor grammar in media. Actually the best of all would be to never buy it at all and tell the bookstores in your area about the dangers of books like this. And your libraries should probably know as well. In fact, you can write to the publisher about the problems with this book and they might stop publishing it. Just please don't read it and think anything this book says about any mental disorder is factual because it isn't. Anyways. That's my review. This was poorly written and has misrepresentation galore. We need representation but certainly not like this one.

Good day.

- Echo (they/them) ⚧️

[Kei · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think it would be a good movie, but I didn’t feel the characterization was deep enough for me. It wasn’t bad, and I did like the ending.

[Analie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bizarre. This book is proof that miracles exist because it shouldn't have been scientifically possible for it to get published. Really poor representation of both autism and DID.