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Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders
Here today or here to stay? Insights for singles on three relationship attitudes and what they indicate about a couple's future. Read by author. Unabridged.
- GenresNonfictionSelf Help
258 pages, Audio CD
First published June 28, 2002
7 people are currently reading
30 people want to read
About the author
Willard F. Harley Jr.
23 books109 followersWillard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. is best known as author of the internationally best selling book, His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage. Over three million copies have been purchased, and it is available in twenty-two foreign translations.
Dr. Harley earned a Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975. For the first ten years after earning his degree, he taught psychology at both the graduate and undergraduate levels. During those years, he was also a frustrated part-time marriage counselor with little success in helping couples.
In 1973 he discovered that he was not alone in his failure to save marriages -- almost everyone in the marital therapy profession were also failing. So he spent the next two years designing an entirely new approach (see How Dr. Harley Learned to Save Marriages). When his success rate skyrocketed in 1977, he resigned from his teaching position to counsel full-time. Over the next ten years his solo practice developed into the largest network of mental health clinics in Minnesota (thirty-two locations) with over one hundred psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and chemical dependency counselors working with him to provide a full range of mental health services. He became the exclusive provider of mental health and chemical dependency services in ten counties, and had offices in other counties as well.
One of his responsibilities was to write support materials for the clinical program he directed. He created over one hundred questionnaires and wrote numerous articles that were given to clients as part of their therapy. Among the materials he wrote was His Needs, Her Needs, which was first published in 1986. Although it was written to be a support text for his marriage counseling program, within three years it had become a national best-seller and a basic reference for marriage counselors throughout the nation.
By 1988 he found himself spending almost all of his time administering his clinics, and very little time doing what he enjoyed most -- improving his marital therapy program. So he began turning his clinics over to the counselors who worked with him, and the ownership of his last clinic was transferred in 1993. Since then, he has written 16 more books and hundreds of articles.
Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, are actively involved in the Marriage Builders® Online Program, which introduces couples to his highly successful plan for marital recovery. An online seminar offered by Dr. Harley kicks off a one-year home study program that includes personal accountability. He supervises the progress of those who enroll, and answers their questions on a special Marriage Builders Weekend section of the Forum.
Dr. and Mrs. Harley have been married for 47 years and live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. They have two adult children, who are now working with them as marriage coaches, and four grandchildren.
Dr. Harley earned a Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975. For the first ten years after earning his degree, he taught psychology at both the graduate and undergraduate levels. During those years, he was also a frustrated part-time marriage counselor with little success in helping couples.
In 1973 he discovered that he was not alone in his failure to save marriages -- almost everyone in the marital therapy profession were also failing. So he spent the next two years designing an entirely new approach (see How Dr. Harley Learned to Save Marriages). When his success rate skyrocketed in 1977, he resigned from his teaching position to counsel full-time. Over the next ten years his solo practice developed into the largest network of mental health clinics in Minnesota (thirty-two locations) with over one hundred psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and chemical dependency counselors working with him to provide a full range of mental health services. He became the exclusive provider of mental health and chemical dependency services in ten counties, and had offices in other counties as well.
One of his responsibilities was to write support materials for the clinical program he directed. He created over one hundred questionnaires and wrote numerous articles that were given to clients as part of their therapy. Among the materials he wrote was His Needs, Her Needs, which was first published in 1986. Although it was written to be a support text for his marriage counseling program, within three years it had become a national best-seller and a basic reference for marriage counselors throughout the nation.
By 1988 he found himself spending almost all of his time administering his clinics, and very little time doing what he enjoyed most -- improving his marital therapy program. So he began turning his clinics over to the counselors who worked with him, and the ownership of his last clinic was transferred in 1993. Since then, he has written 16 more books and hundreds of articles.
Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, are actively involved in the Marriage Builders® Online Program, which introduces couples to his highly successful plan for marital recovery. An online seminar offered by Dr. Harley kicks off a one-year home study program that includes personal accountability. He supervises the progress of those who enroll, and answers their questions on a special Marriage Builders Weekend section of the Forum.
Dr. and Mrs. Harley have been married for 47 years and live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. They have two adult children, who are now working with them as marriage coaches, and four grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
May 3, 2019
People want different things out of love. There are the freeloaders - I will be with you as long as its effortless. There are the renters - I don't mind sacrificing as long as you're worth it (so there are plenty of short term fixes when each party feels that they are sacrificing - not a relationship for success). And there are the buyers - we are in this relationship for life, and our decisions must make both of us happy and fulfilled.
He emphasises that buyers operate on a policy of joint agreement - never do anything without enthusiastic agreement between you and your partner and explores the need to discuss and reach that agreement (with long term goals in mind).
This is not a book dedicated to moving past differences, it's about articulating the differences in perspectives and desires in why people date. It's a good book if you're thinking of jumping into dating. I also liked that he talked about why people should break up (e.g. one party is not caring for the other).
It's a short primer. 4/5 stars
He emphasises that buyers operate on a policy of joint agreement - never do anything without enthusiastic agreement between you and your partner and explores the need to discuss and reach that agreement (with long term goals in mind).
This is not a book dedicated to moving past differences, it's about articulating the differences in perspectives and desires in why people date. It's a good book if you're thinking of jumping into dating. I also liked that he talked about why people should break up (e.g. one party is not caring for the other).
It's a short primer. 4/5 stars
April 26, 2010
I found this book quite interesting. I've read His Needs, Her Needs and found it insightful. This book is a little different. It focuses on the way we approach relationships.
Are you a freeloader? Someone who believes in doing what comes naturally, accepting someone for who they are and expecting them to do the same for you, with no changes ever required?
Are you a renter? Someone who is willing to put more time and effort into a romantic relationship but does so in terms of sacrifice. I sacrifice for you and you sacrifice for me.
Or are you a buyer? Someone who is interested in long term solutions vs. short term ones. Someone who is invested in the relationship, who is willing to work with their partner to make the marriage strong and both partners happy.
I like the questionnaires Harley includes at the back of the book. I felt like there was a quite a bit of repetition and that was a little annoying but overall I took away some good points.
Are you a freeloader? Someone who believes in doing what comes naturally, accepting someone for who they are and expecting them to do the same for you, with no changes ever required?
Are you a renter? Someone who is willing to put more time and effort into a romantic relationship but does so in terms of sacrifice. I sacrifice for you and you sacrifice for me.
Or are you a buyer? Someone who is interested in long term solutions vs. short term ones. Someone who is invested in the relationship, who is willing to work with their partner to make the marriage strong and both partners happy.
I like the questionnaires Harley includes at the back of the book. I felt like there was a quite a bit of repetition and that was a little annoying but overall I took away some good points.
August 27, 2015
Best-selling Christian author Harley's work is superficial. The titular metaphor characterizes people in relationships. Freeloaders are "only willing to give and receive care if it comes almost effortlessly." "`Renters' are willing to improve their ability to care--as long as it is in their best interest to do so." "Buyers [are] committed to providing exclusive and permanent care in a romantic relationship." This scheme takes the author (His Needs, Her Needs) only so far; while clever enough for a little while, the book ultimately dehumanizes and oversimplifies complex human relationships. Pass.
Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.
Find reviews of books for men at Books for Dudes, Books for Dudes, the online reader's advisory column for men from Library Journal. Copyright Library Journal.
November 13, 2012
The author did a good job at defining relationships. Overall, it stresses compatibility is key for a long lasting relationshi--its about building a way of life that is comfortable for both partners.
November 8, 2015
Frustrated in love! This book explains some core principals in such a n easy way that I feel pretty stupid for not seeing the light sooner! great book!
August 31, 2014
Excellent book. Simplistic but makes a great deal of sense, very practical and sensible.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews