Speaking Truth In Love

by David A. Powlison

Have you ever wondered how to be a more effective counselor? Have you ever looked for a better way to talk to difficult people? Have you ever wanted to express faith and love more naturally in your relationships as a Christian? Speaking Truth in Love is a blueprint for communication that strengthens community in Jesus Christ. The principles outlined in this pivotal work are specific to counseling, yet extend to marriage, family, friendship, business and the Christian church. Practical in its approach yet comprehensive in its scope, Speaking Truth in Love follows the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF) model and is sure to become required reading for anyone interested in pursuing a career as a counselor, particularly biblical Counseling, or anyone else who longs for ways to redeem relationships.

Genres: Counselling, Christian, Theology, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Psychology, Christianity

208 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2005

About the author

David Powlison, MDiv, PhD, (1949–2019) was a teacher, counselor, and the executive director of the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He wrote many books and minibooks, including Speaking Truth in Love, Seeing with New Eyes, Good and Angry, Making All Things New, God's Grace in Your Suffering, Safe and Sound, and Take Heart. David was also the editor of The Journal of Biblical Counseling.

Reviews

[Bryan Eberl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Phenomenal book. Some of its major themes were to elaborate how theology trumps psychology, and has to be first in counseling. He advises seminary to aid in counseling, and the importance of this role in pastors. As someone that does not aspire to become a pastor these stances weren't specifically useful. All the other guiding aspects and elsewhere quotes were incredibly useful. This book is highly underlined on my side, and I will be using it as reference extensively moving forward.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“We don’t just need a perspective or a strategy. We need a Savior, right here, right now.”
“Learn to love others intelligently rather than demand their affirmation and adoration.”
“By instinct, habit, and enculturation, all of us tend to think of counseling as a human-with-human interaction. But in fact a human-with-Savior interaction must come first. When I as a counselor don’t get that straight, I inevitably offer others some sort of saviorette.”
“The Christian life is a lifelong “race of repentance,” but we want to have arrived already."
“If my counseling does not help others rely upon Another (upon whom I also rely), I will inevitably teach them to rely on themselves—or on me, or other friends, or medications, or techniques, or pablum “truths” (that are in fact empty or even fictional). This cornerstone chapter explores Psalm 119: “If your law had not been my delight, then I would have perished in my affliction.”
“Listen well to people, and you will find stories and metaphors that will help you to speak well into their lives.”

Oh and there is a part where it breaks down prayer into 3 categories, "circumstantial, wisdom, and kingdom prayers," exhibited in the Lord's prayer. This will change the way I pray, and ask for prayer. ie what things am I asking to be fixed or changed, which things am I looking for change inside of myself/ character wise, and what things am I praying for that change and impact the kingdom on a broad scale.

I have many more, but I guess I will stop with 6 lol.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is critical for the church today. The vision of counseling one another in community, seems almost impossible but God loves his people and we must trust that his truth will go forth by the power of his Spirit and accomplish his good purposes.

[Jennykate Mcbride · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love biblical counseling and David Powlison

[Michele · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thought Provoking and Helpful

I found it helpful to learn from a man with so much experience in counseling. It was good to see his emphasis on the Bible and I was challenged by the chapter on prayer. He also spends a lot time explaining the particular approach of the CCEF style of Biblical counseling. And while I appreciate their strong commitment to the Bible and their resistance to falling prey to the lies of pop psychology, I am afraid they go too far in throwing out the baby with the bath water. Just because some strands of pop psychology go to the extreme of blaming all one's problems on a misguided upbringing or conversely on biology, doesn't make it okay to go to the opposite extreme of discounting the heavy influence of those two factors. Even more, the reality is that modern psychology and psychiatry have much to say about bipolar disorder, OCD, the process of grief, just to name a few areas. Although giving a nod to the importance of using these disciplines at times, in other places he strongly opposes their contribution.

Likewise, it seems to me that as much as he tries to emphasize the importance of being loving and gentle, it doesn't seem possible to escape what is a fundamental error in their approach. I think of this quote, "Ministry is always helping people make connections they haven’t been making. It’s always reinterpreting what’s going on, identifying redemptive opportunities in what seem like the same old ruts." This assumes that if someone is having a struggle it is because they have fallen victim to wrong beliefs that need to be pointed out to them. But I would suggest sometimes people just need a listening ear and some validation. Other times what jumps out as their wrong thinking isn't at the heart of what they need to hear. Even other times the changes they need to make have nothing to do with wrong thinking or sin. The emphasis on the book is on counseling being about problem solving related to sin and false belief. He even righly expands the definition of counseling to include much of the interpersonal interaction between believers; and yet if most of our interactions with our fellow Christians focuses on pointing out their wrong thinking and sin we will be repelling more people than we attract. So in summary, I found this book to help some helpful insight into Biblical counseling. I also found it to be an insightful look into the underlying presuppositions of this strand of Biblical counseling. I give it just three stars because I do think the weaknesses I have mentioned hinder the usefulness of the training it seeks to provide.

[Matt Tyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I intend to read several books this year that I hope will grow me in my counseling ability. David Powlison’s Speaking Truth in Love was very helpful in considering certain counseling foundations. I was especially helped by chapter 12 What Will You Ask For?, Chapter 6 Think Globally, Act Locally, and many quotes in various individual chapters.

I have deducted half a star because there doesn’t seem to be a cohesion among the chapters. They are more like separate essays. And I have deducted another half a star for an absolutely terrible book cover.

[Hieu Tran · Rating 5 out of 5]

A solid case for biblical counseling to both the individual and the church.

[A Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t stop recommending this! I hope all my Christian friends pick this up. I will probably be rereading it within the year.

[Lynn Coullard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has deeply impacted me and greatly helped deepen my faith. Something about his writing just resonates deeply that yes, these things I say I believe really impact what I do and what I say and how I love people and God. So good.

[Caleb Batchelor · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 star content. 1 star cover. Felt like I needed to hide the cover so that a passersby wouldn’t think I was reading a twisted romance novel.

[Rick Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I disagree at some points, especially in the last two chapters, this is one of the best books I've read about biblical counseling.

[Josiah DeGraaf · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fairly helpful book to read. While this book is perhaps specifically targeted to biblical counselors, it has a lot of solid advice for the layperson as well, since, honestly, all of us are called to informally counsel another in one way or another. I got more from the first half of the book than I got from the latter half, which may be due to the latter part being less practical, or which may be due to waning interest in the latter half. Nevertheless, I really appreciated Powlison's thoughts on how Psalm 119 is actually a very personal psalm, and also how to counsel someone by relating Scripture one verse at a time to their life. Very helpful thoughts.

Rating: 3.5-4 Stars (Good)

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would give this a 2.5 out of 5, but that's not an available rating! I liked the beginning-middle of this book, but towards the middle/end Powlison really pushed for the Biblical Counseling movement, which I do not agree with. Yes, Biblical Counseling (unlike secular counseling) deals with the problem of sin ("soul healing" as Powlison calls it), but it completely rejects all Psychological advancements. We were given the intelligence to delve into the problems of the human mind and heart, and these advancements are a gift!

[Amanda Ball · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a clinical mental health professional, I felt hurt by this book and some of the almost degrading things said about my profession. All of my thoughts don’t need to be put into a public review, but here are my overall:
- I appreciated the emphasis of Jesus’ healing > any other form; but felt that the means were ranked in a hierarchical way. (Which doesn’t make sense since the means are through human hands but whatever)
- I was upset that it bashed psychology as much as it did. Specifically, there’s a chapter on how to handle the “psychologized counselee”, a chapter on referral (allowing referral to a PROFESSIONAL only for diagnosis and evaluation) and discussions on counselors who believe in Jesus, and diminishing their faith because of their profession.
- As a believing therapist, who does not do biblical counseling, I believe I still enter that space with the Holy Spirit, who is able to move in the same ways. I understand a lot of his points, and agreed with a lot as well, but think he is fairly uneducated in the realm of psychology.
Lastly, I felt that this was targeted for Christians, only. And I think that his methods and counseling and the words in this book will build up and work so well in those settings. But, I think that it felt like those who didn’t believe in Jesus didn’t deserve the same healing, or even just lesser suffering.

[Cliff Dailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powlison writes this book for the reader to understand counseling at work in interpersonal relationships and in institutions. He writes in a practical manner so that readers can begin applying what they learn as soon as they put the book down. His time in Psalm 119 will change how the reader prays, and he portrays a convincing ethos to live the Scripture you learn. Particularly interesting to me, he puts forward a case for a creedal and supervisory need for the church to standardize counseling qualifications for new pastors in their ordination exams. On first take, I agree and want to see this change happen in my lifetime.

Furthermore, his last book had a couple moments where I got lost in his nuances, but this book he must have learned to keep it simple enough.

This book is an excellent tool for anyone wanting to know how to best counsel in their personal lives and ministry.

[Nonya · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought the beginning of this book was great with the first three chapters incredibly insightful and informative. Based off the first three chapters this carried me through the next 100 pages or so with solid points and summarizations I could follow. I really was enjoying the book until the back quarter.

Past page 141 or so this book started to run out of steam and it became a bit of a grind. I personally believe it could have done without the last 3 chapters...with some exceptions.

I would still recommend the book to others as there were many useful points and illustrations. I would just highlight the further you go in the book the more the ideas become more specialized and usefulfor a smaller and smaller audience.

[Joshua · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powlison is one of the best writers to read on biblical counseling, from any perspective.

He writes, “The more I observed, the more I saw the human condition better described in places other than modern psychologies. I saw things in myself and others that I had read in Sophocles, Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, Kierkegaard, and TS Eliot. I found the human condition captured, entered and redeemed, in Jesus Christ of the Bible. Biblically wise counsel is permeated with things not necessarily learned in counseling courses but with the basic faces of human existence. We must know the gravity of our condition as human beings. We tend to defect. We are false lovers. We are traitors compulsively blindly. We want the wrong things.”

[Trent Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some chapters are must reads, particularly chapter 6 “Think Globally, Act Locally”. As Powlison does best, he reassures the counselor that it not only is permissible but encouraged to address one major area of the counselee’s life with one piercing scripture. This clearly is the germ of what would later became his phrase “truth unbalances for the sake of relevance, theology rebalances for the sake of comprehensiveness” (“How Does Sanctification Work?”). I would recommend finding the intriguing chapter titles that were likely re-posted as articles in CCEF’s JBC.

Although I loved some of the must read chapters, “Instruments in the Redeemers Hand” by Tripp is still by go to book to cast a vision for church wide counseling.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

When this book is on, it's really on, but there are some strange wandering sections that are either unsuccessful, unnecessary, or both. The chapter on "Should I go to seminary to learn counseling?" is oddly specific for the broader reach of this book, and probably only relevant to certain readers. Likewise, Powlison spends much of the second half the book defending Biblical counseling without any concrete work to acknowledge or discredit secular wisdom.

His bigger topics -- what is counseling? why should the church do it? etc -- are worth of consideration and are encouraging. His look at Psalm 119 is useful. At the same time, it's an erratic read that's not fully convincing.

[Helen Von seth carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an invaluable guide to assertive communications through a Christian lens. (However, let me reassure you that it is not an “in your face” Christian publication!). I appreciated the Biblical examples as well secular situations which provided real-world application to the skills which were taught. In light of today’s generally accepted behaviors, everyone should read and apply this book. The world would be a better place.

[Junior · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing book! Powlison takes great pains to remain Christ-centered in his approach to biblical counseling. He rightly points out the flaws in secular psychology/counseling and how it ultimately lacks the means of truly healing someone of their ailments without being dismissive. Powlison builds his case clearly and convincingly. If you're interested in biblical counseling this book is a must.

[Des · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful

I agree that the church should be proactive in providing biblical counseling to people. Science alone will not heal nor is it the answer for those who struggle with their emotions. Otherwise, everyone will just rely on living their lives on medication. The Bible addresses human issues. It can heal the mind, the body, and the soul. However, the church must play an important role in the preparation of its counselors or leaders.

[Kirk · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those with an interest in counseling or those interested in playing a leadership role in their church trying develop its ability to be a wise, gracious, speak-truth-in-love community, this book is a must read. I might suggest beginning the book by reading the chapter "Affirmations and Denials", and then start at the beginning.

[Andres Valencia · Rating 5 out of 5]

No es un estudio de casos de consejería, mas bien es un llamado a entender la consejería congregacional, no dedica mucho tiempo a disputas con contrarios, Powlison nos lleva a abrir las Escrituras, abrir nuestros corazones y a examinar con detenidamente la realidad compleja de la vida humana, este libro debería estar en español

[Carey Philley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read! While the style was somewhat confusing to follow at times, the chapter on Affirmations & Denials of counseling is worth the price of the book. When Powlison details narrative, it has a much smoother flow. But most of the substance in the book comes across as standalone sentences. Yet, much of this book (esp. the key assertions) have proven really valuable!

[Chris Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book ought to be mandatory reading certainly for every pastor, elder and deacon. Every spiritually maturing Christian will benefit deeply from this book. It reshapes and sharpens a correct biblical view of how the word of God intersects with every aspect of the human condition. Full of knowledge and challenging practical insights.

[Drew · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent practical and vision oriented book on Biblical counseling

Powlison writes with conviction and skill to address the needs of Gods word to reach a human heart as well as providing a confessional vision for counseling within the church.

[Ryan Jankowski · Rating 3 out of 5]

The chapter on Psalm 119 was spectacular and inspiring. The rest, as is common among this tradition of counseling, was rather shallow (identify presenting problem, address, but it seems never explore why it is a PP in the first place).

[Lynn Lohr · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read

For me this was a must-read and continuing my biblical counseling education. I found everything in this book helpful to realizing that only my needs as a counselor but the needs of the community. I so agree with the premise he set forth about the church.

[Lucas Nosal · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was some good stuff in this book, but I felt it a little scatter brained and hard to follow at times. As I think of it now, I have a hard time remembering what the main point of the book actually was. That being said, Powlison is great and I appreciate his ministry!

[Joel Opificius · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of great wisdom and insight into counseling theory and practice. Powlison helps counselors to think of situations according to a biblical worldview. Immediately applicable with great examples and illustrations.