Will you be spoiled or will you thank me?
This had so much potential but it was all over the place, to the point where it was contradictory and just noisy with “look at me, I’m important!”-isms. It could have been tightened up considerably and been a 4 star read. Seriously.
The one point of illogic that irritated me the most was something that science fiction gives you like A Freaking Gift and that’s distance vs time. Just watch any sci-fi show and you’ll quickly learn about warp speed and wormholes. Hell, even Galaxy Quest travels via a black hole! If a parody can do it, so can fiction. The longest running show on TV, Stargate SG-1 routinely traveled between two galaxies and they lost 2 weeks at most. Just. Make. It. Happen.
But when you have your hero explain to your heroine that he can’t take her back because “already like 10 years have passed and another 10 will pass by the TIME we reach my home galaxy”....really, what’s the point in living?!
Okay, maybe not so dramatic. BUT it makes your hero look like a liar. Because he is SUCH A FAN OF EARTH, that he comes ALL THE TIME! To learn the culture and the languages and see what they’ve gotten up to! Um...okay. So it takes 20 earth years to travel one way...that means - no, don’t help me I’ve got enough fingers and toes...40 years pass between visits? Sure.
When she says “I love you”...he thinks it’s a big deal to her. “He knew this from countless content he’d consumed about their customs.” It falls flat because of the 40 year round trip! Likewise he knows what having the “hots” for someone is.
His return to his own galaxy is prompted by a planet “on the verge of war” so the whole time thing doesn’t work there? Does it really take 20 years to get through a war verge? And how does his father, the emperor, communicate with him over that distance via A DELIVERED BOX?!?
I dunno about you but “all the time” might mean one thing to an alien who lives (COUGHCONVENIENTLYCOUGH) thousands of years, but quite another to Earth cultures. In the last 40 years we’ve gone from no cellphones to wrist computers. So really... how much of a fan of Earth is he? Jump back in enough 40 year increments and we’re quite agrarian with zero transmissions.
It just doesn’t make sense, and his lifespan and ability to read “dream waves” is insulting. Just be sci-fi and discover warp. Or do what most creators do and avoid it entirely.
Sigh.
Then there’s the characterization. The hero is a warrior slash Emperor’s son slash ancient slash demigod slash Sire/prince slash technology nerd slash spiritual believer slash innocent and all these roles just come out as the story goes on. Don’t misunderstand, a character can be all these things, but he is all of these in response to plot points. So the end result is ideally have no clue who he is. Oh, and he gets rescued by the heroine at the end because SHE...
She is an engineer slash loner slash people person slash kind person slash butt whomping pissy bitch slash fat girl slash queen woc slash womb slash lost slash goddess slash hero slash spoiled princess.
And while I could buy the development of this chick from ugly engineer who tries to rescue a failing space station because of her drive and brains into eventually rescuing her man - I can’t make the leap from that chick (who I liked!) into the womb earth goddess creator being spoiled princess.
No.
The world building was as indecisive as the characterization. Because things were explained as they became necessary here as well. And the villain who was too stupid to know Earth technology suddenly is smart enough to send a RESCUE MESSAGE in an ALIEN LANGUAGE by stealthily observing same from hiding places?! Sure.
Editing:
It’s affects, not effects.
It’s worst, not worse.
And my last notes are on the sex scene...
In one paragraph: her entrance, womanhood, inner thighs, throbbing core, his lips near her womanly ones, her lady lips. Next paragraph after he’s had his mouth all over her he stops to examine her - another couple of euphemisms, her folds, her wetness. That’s eight in two paragraphs. #fictionalsexthesaurus
“This was definitely not a gherkin pickle; it was more like a hulk-sized cucumber—wow!”
Omg.
I didn’t care for the addition of so much extraneous wordage throughout. An example is her reaction to finding out the hover bikes have a sidecar but the guy helping her rescue the hero forgot it in his haste. Sentence after sentence on this and it makes her look pissy. Not like the gal in the beginning of the story and not better - worse. “Tomorrow she’d hunt Jalek down and give him a swift kick to the tush if hers was still sore.” Seriously what a snot. We already know her ass is big. If my mate was lost and I was rescuing him, not a spare thought would be made of my ass. J/s.
And lest we forget the kitchen sink, let’s toss in environmentalism...
“Our researchers and healers believe it is because of your planet and what your race has done to reduce it to a weird shadow of itself. You’ve messed with your air and polluted your life force liquid called water, so it now has the power to kill you instead of healing you like our gaiata does for us. Your race is killing itself and weakening your abilities.”
Two points: This is based on 40 year round trips, mind you. And the best part - and what made me laugh out loud, this is while he’s hitting her g-spot. Shmexy! ::eyeroll::
Again, it had so much potential. I wish it’d been written from a plan, an outline, instead of reacting as things went along. One of the ultimate fictional world builders, J.R.R. Tolkien prepared so hard he wrote entire languages and historical lineages. I don’t expect this, naturally, but I do expect consistency. The set up for the next installment is soooo good, but I just can’t because really for this kind of review I should be getting paid lol!