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Wanderer
Since its publication in 1963, Sterling Hayden's autobiography, Wanderer, has been surrounded by controversy. The author was at the peak of his earning power as a movie star when he suddenly quit. He walked out on Hollywood, walked out of a shattered marriage, defied the courts, broke as an outlaw, set sail with his four children in the schooner Wanderer--bound for the South Seas. His attempt to escape launched his autobiography. It is the candid, sometimes painfully revealing confession of a man who scrutinized his every self-defeat and self-betrayal in the unblinking light of conscience.
452 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1963
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1297 people want to read
About the author
Sterling Hayden
10 books31 followersSterling Hayden was an American actor and author. For most of his career as a leading man, he specialized in westerns and film noir, such as Johnny Guitar, The Asphalt Jungle and The Killing. Later on he became noted as a character actor for such roles as Gen. Jack D. Ripper in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964). He also played the Irish-American policeman, Captain McCluskey, in Francis Ford Coppola's The Godfather in 1972, and the novelist Roger Wade in 1973's The Long Goodbye.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews
January 13, 2008
I first read this book in high school and it altered my life for the better in more ways than I can count. No, I never bought a schooner and sailed the South Seas. But I did become a writer, and a self-examining and (I hope) more honest one as a result of reading this book. But beyond that is the magic of a life adventurously lived and splendidly told. I have read Wanderer more times than I can count, and each time I am left in awe at Hayden's brutal and ferocious honesty about himself and at his magnificent way with words. It is my favorite book. I hope to read it again several times.
May 24, 2012
This is an outstanding memoir. True, honest, up front... perfectly salty and a bit rough but that's part of the allure since it gets into the persona of the author. Better yet, here is a story about Mr. Hayden and Wanderer:
Years ago, I was given a short passage (page 24) from this book. It speaks to not going through life saying/feeling "I wish I could..." and not looking back in life with "could have, would have, should have." It starts with, "Little has been said or written about the ways a man may blast himself free."
At that time, I was fixing on going on a sojourn abroad and this passage pretty much pushed me to pursue my idea. So I left. What I thought was going to be six or eight months turned into five years. I went to France. Then to Italy. During the summers I was the chef on a private yacht for an Italian family.
Years after my return, I finally decided to read Wanderer. One night, after one of those "I don't want to do this anymore" work days, I was reading a chapter that's deep into the story... only to learn Mr. Hayden, sixty-five years earlier- was the original captain on the exact yacht I worked on!
If that wasn't a testiment for "glad I did it" with a full-circle conclusion I'd be hard pressed to argue the point.
Read this book.
Years ago, I was given a short passage (page 24) from this book. It speaks to not going through life saying/feeling "I wish I could..." and not looking back in life with "could have, would have, should have." It starts with, "Little has been said or written about the ways a man may blast himself free."
At that time, I was fixing on going on a sojourn abroad and this passage pretty much pushed me to pursue my idea. So I left. What I thought was going to be six or eight months turned into five years. I went to France. Then to Italy. During the summers I was the chef on a private yacht for an Italian family.
Years after my return, I finally decided to read Wanderer. One night, after one of those "I don't want to do this anymore" work days, I was reading a chapter that's deep into the story... only to learn Mr. Hayden, sixty-five years earlier- was the original captain on the exact yacht I worked on!
If that wasn't a testiment for "glad I did it" with a full-circle conclusion I'd be hard pressed to argue the point.
Read this book.
August 28, 2014
I enjoyed this read a while back more than I expected, and the fact that I'm adding my thoughts now is probably testament to its odd haunting power. Actor Sterling Hayden, best known (to me) as Gen. Jack Ripper in Kubrick's classic Dr. Strangelove, put all he had into this memoir of his lifelong wanderings aboard various sea vessels he obtained at any and all cost whenever the world became too much for him.
Hayden never felt comfortable in his skin as a hunky actor, and some of the best passages come when he comments on the fast-paced world of Hollywood and mid-century America in general. Another great section follows his exploits during WW2 as an OSS agent named John Hamilton running guns to Yugoslav partisans, a bold and heroic effort he surprisingly plays down—and I would like to know more about. He doesn't always come off so well. He sold out friends who had dabbled in communist/socialist circles to the House Un-American Activities Committee, and later, defying a court order, basically absconded with his children on a sailing boat in one famously irresponsible incident. But Hayden owns up to all his flaws and to the society that formed him. Some brief passages are downright poetic. For me, this beats On the Road for its criticism of a culture of the sheep and the Man, a troubled cry from the dark side of 1950s America.
Hayden never felt comfortable in his skin as a hunky actor, and some of the best passages come when he comments on the fast-paced world of Hollywood and mid-century America in general. Another great section follows his exploits during WW2 as an OSS agent named John Hamilton running guns to Yugoslav partisans, a bold and heroic effort he surprisingly plays down—and I would like to know more about. He doesn't always come off so well. He sold out friends who had dabbled in communist/socialist circles to the House Un-American Activities Committee, and later, defying a court order, basically absconded with his children on a sailing boat in one famously irresponsible incident. But Hayden owns up to all his flaws and to the society that formed him. Some brief passages are downright poetic. For me, this beats On the Road for its criticism of a culture of the sheep and the Man, a troubled cry from the dark side of 1950s America.
October 21, 2013
“Shortly after midnight she came to the end of the road and, with Venus Point Light bearing due south, three miles distant, we hove her to till dawn. And the ship slept under a blanket of stars and so did most of her crew. But not the one in command. He paced alone, alone and lost in memories of the time…” Wanderer, page 247.
Hayden wrote The Wanderer (1963) and then Voyage (1976). Both books read like Conrad and Melville with Hayden living the life of an adventurer before and after Hollywood. He is both Melville and a character from Melville. Hayden ran away from home at fifteen to sail the Great Banks of Newfoundland: sailed around the world the first time at twenty-one, captained a square-rigger from Gloucester to Tahiti at twenty-two, and he was the navigator for the schooner Gertrude L. Thebaud in the Fisherman’s Cup the following year. News coverage of the race had led to Hollywood calling the sailor west, but he refused initially. He would sail around the world a second time before he reported to Paramount Studios in 1941. He married and seemed to settle down to a staid but secure income and life. Paramount awarded him a seven-year contract starting at $250 a week, which was very good money then. He would break his contract in less than a year. He felt the wind and left the shore. Wanderer.
Hayden was not a man easy to miss in the crowd: at six-five, with rugged good looks that earned him the moniker “The Beautiful Blond Viking God,” he managed to enlist in the U.S. Marine Corps, see action, earn both the Silver Star and Bronze Star and other combat decorations, get on a first-name basis with “Wild Bill” Donovan of the OSS, precursor to the CIA, and run numerous covert gun-running and rescue operations into Yugoslavia before it had become known that he was some two-bit actor from Hollywood. In other words, Hayden had enlisted using a false name. He had dined with FDR as John Hamilton. That’s acting. Hayden’s missions for the nascent CIA were not declassified until 2008.
Hayden was an interesting man. As an author he, like another actor who loved the sea, Humphrey Bogart, knew his Conrad, London, Melville, and Stevenson inside and out. Wanderer, in typical Haydenesque style, began as an open act of defiance. Defying a court order, he took his four children and sailed for the South Seas. He set sail with no radio. Wanderer is not a celebrity rendition of life on the lam with all the posh accoutrements; it is literary fiction drawn from living the hard life at sea with children; and Hayden demonstrates the breadth of his maritime knowledge and the depth of his reading, for the book opens with a pivotal incipit from Walter de la Mare. Substitute Wanderer for ‘Traveler’ and you see Sterling Hayden, the author and man, who loved his children and the sea. He was both Ishmael and Ahab.
Hayden wrote The Wanderer (1963) and then Voyage (1976). Both books read like Conrad and Melville with Hayden living the life of an adventurer before and after Hollywood. He is both Melville and a character from Melville. Hayden ran away from home at fifteen to sail the Great Banks of Newfoundland: sailed around the world the first time at twenty-one, captained a square-rigger from Gloucester to Tahiti at twenty-two, and he was the navigator for the schooner Gertrude L. Thebaud in the Fisherman’s Cup the following year. News coverage of the race had led to Hollywood calling the sailor west, but he refused initially. He would sail around the world a second time before he reported to Paramount Studios in 1941. He married and seemed to settle down to a staid but secure income and life. Paramount awarded him a seven-year contract starting at $250 a week, which was very good money then. He would break his contract in less than a year. He felt the wind and left the shore. Wanderer.
Hayden was not a man easy to miss in the crowd: at six-five, with rugged good looks that earned him the moniker “The Beautiful Blond Viking God,” he managed to enlist in the U.S. Marine Corps, see action, earn both the Silver Star and Bronze Star and other combat decorations, get on a first-name basis with “Wild Bill” Donovan of the OSS, precursor to the CIA, and run numerous covert gun-running and rescue operations into Yugoslavia before it had become known that he was some two-bit actor from Hollywood. In other words, Hayden had enlisted using a false name. He had dined with FDR as John Hamilton. That’s acting. Hayden’s missions for the nascent CIA were not declassified until 2008.
Hayden was an interesting man. As an author he, like another actor who loved the sea, Humphrey Bogart, knew his Conrad, London, Melville, and Stevenson inside and out. Wanderer, in typical Haydenesque style, began as an open act of defiance. Defying a court order, he took his four children and sailed for the South Seas. He set sail with no radio. Wanderer is not a celebrity rendition of life on the lam with all the posh accoutrements; it is literary fiction drawn from living the hard life at sea with children; and Hayden demonstrates the breadth of his maritime knowledge and the depth of his reading, for the book opens with a pivotal incipit from Walter de la Mare. Substitute Wanderer for ‘Traveler’ and you see Sterling Hayden, the author and man, who loved his children and the sea. He was both Ishmael and Ahab.
November 2, 2012
This was a special book for me. I discovered Sterling Hayden from film noir. I loved his movies The Asphalt Jungle, The Killing, Dr. Strangelove & the Godfather. He fascinated me in some way. So I discovered this book he authored in the 60's. Ironically I discovered that his acting career was the least important part of his life as far as he was concerned. It was a means of making a good living and that was about it. He hated Hollywood. Instead his true love was the sea and sailing. I have often felt like he was a long lost uncle. After reading this autobiography of sorts I found a deeper connection with the man. We have a lot in common in terms of our upbringing and associated issues. I'm not sure this book would be for everyone. However, if you like Sterling Hayden or sailing it is a fascinating read. He was apparently more proud of this book than any movie he ever made.
February 20, 2009
I loved this book....what thought, poetry and romance with life & the sea!! Includes the reality of the real world of 1959.
February 19, 2018
I came to Wanderer through Leuchtturm des Chaos (Pharos of Chaos), the two-hour Hayden "documentary" which came twenty years after the autobiography. By the time of the film, Hayden was a rambling alcoholic who would subject the listener to incoherent tirades about his past, peppered with interrogatory grunts and repeated short phrases. And yet, when he would read from his writings, I had the sense that this was a man who had once been a great writer, or at least a man who wrote better than he spoke. The reality of the book, however, was disappointing.
Wanderer reads like it was written in frenzied bursts of activity on sleepless nights or as long as a bottle of booze lasted. I don't mind a disjointed chronology in a narrative, but Hayden is often ambiguous in his descriptions, to where I was routinely at a loss to say even the decade in which events were taking place. Apart from his marriage to Madeleine Carroll, Hayden refers to several other girlfriends, fiancees, and possibly even wives. Engagements are made and later broken off, and names are seldom used. There was Madeleine, a woman in Tahiti, some friend's daughter, and a slew of painfully-remembered sexual failings that reminded me of Joe Buck's hallucinatory flashbacks in Midnight Cowboy.
Hayden regularly switches his point of view from first-person to second- and third-person. At times, he argues with himself, calling himself a coward. Then, by the time of the war, he temporarily changes his name to John Hamilton, whom Hayden writes about as if he were a different person entirely. Hell, perhaps he was, in Hayden's mind. Hayden is certainly a tightly-wound psychological force, always at war with himself. There are more "front-line" stories of the psychological nature than from his time in the Marines and OSS. For more on the latter, I found Hayden's now-declassified personnel file in the National Archives. This file contains a 15-page "narrative," written by Hayden and detailing his military experience in a more clear fashion than in the book, where he is too busy with attacking his own character.
What made the book worth reading, and why I saw it through to the end, were Hayden's descriptions of times and places with which I was unfamiliar: being at sea in the early 1900s, the darker side of Hollywood, his time in the OSS, and his early acting career. His persistence in the face of so much self-doubt makes for an entertaining pathos in the book. I just wish he had been able to communicate his life story a little bit more clearly.
Wanderer reads like it was written in frenzied bursts of activity on sleepless nights or as long as a bottle of booze lasted. I don't mind a disjointed chronology in a narrative, but Hayden is often ambiguous in his descriptions, to where I was routinely at a loss to say even the decade in which events were taking place. Apart from his marriage to Madeleine Carroll, Hayden refers to several other girlfriends, fiancees, and possibly even wives. Engagements are made and later broken off, and names are seldom used. There was Madeleine, a woman in Tahiti, some friend's daughter, and a slew of painfully-remembered sexual failings that reminded me of Joe Buck's hallucinatory flashbacks in Midnight Cowboy.
Hayden regularly switches his point of view from first-person to second- and third-person. At times, he argues with himself, calling himself a coward. Then, by the time of the war, he temporarily changes his name to John Hamilton, whom Hayden writes about as if he were a different person entirely. Hell, perhaps he was, in Hayden's mind. Hayden is certainly a tightly-wound psychological force, always at war with himself. There are more "front-line" stories of the psychological nature than from his time in the Marines and OSS. For more on the latter, I found Hayden's now-declassified personnel file in the National Archives. This file contains a 15-page "narrative," written by Hayden and detailing his military experience in a more clear fashion than in the book, where he is too busy with attacking his own character.
What made the book worth reading, and why I saw it through to the end, were Hayden's descriptions of times and places with which I was unfamiliar: being at sea in the early 1900s, the darker side of Hollywood, his time in the OSS, and his early acting career. His persistence in the face of so much self-doubt makes for an entertaining pathos in the book. I just wish he had been able to communicate his life story a little bit more clearly.
November 8, 2014
'You're homeward bound, and you'll never come back. And if you do, it won't be the same.'
That quote from sea captain, actor, author and lumbering Yankee, Sterling Hayden, pretty much typifies the gritty melancholia that pervades this voluminous autobiography -- a brave and eloquent piece of self reflection. Hayden is one of those fractured hard-guys who really can't find himself -- not even when he's at peace on the open ocean, one in which he traversed at a very young age out of Boston and Gloucester, Massachusetts. He was grizzled and weathered, cut from the oilskin cloth of Melville and Conrad, but blazing through this calloused exterior, he exposes all the insecurities of a man hopelessly trying to find himself.
Hollywood gave him little comfort. The booze did its trick but only weighed him down come sunrise. Communism ruffled his feathers but brought him no justice. His stint with the OSS during WW2 tarnished his patriotism. Intensive psychotherapy only added more dismay to the bubbling cauldron of self-doubt. Wine, women and song - take it or leave it. NYC, Jersey, Boston, Maine, Tahiti, France, Yugoslavia - there are places to go but no place to call home.
We all know Hayden from 'Dr. Strangelove' and 'The Killing' but to witness his performance in Altman's 'Long Goodbye' may have touched upon the real Hayden, who we get to know in this book. This was a sad, rebellious man. And what makes this book so damn good is his honesty to admit it, almost flourish in it with literary license.
This book is for Wanderers, or better yet, those who seek to wander. It is also for those in love with schooners, starlit skies and the hardened men of the ocean. And no mistaking, Hayden can write. His brevity, eloquence and naturalistic skill at painting scenes make his prose sing and cadence into one of the finest books about self the latter half of the 20th century. Don't go into this one expecting him to gossip about the women he slept with and the celebrities with their share of skeletons in the closet. It has to do with so much more than that.
That quote from sea captain, actor, author and lumbering Yankee, Sterling Hayden, pretty much typifies the gritty melancholia that pervades this voluminous autobiography -- a brave and eloquent piece of self reflection. Hayden is one of those fractured hard-guys who really can't find himself -- not even when he's at peace on the open ocean, one in which he traversed at a very young age out of Boston and Gloucester, Massachusetts. He was grizzled and weathered, cut from the oilskin cloth of Melville and Conrad, but blazing through this calloused exterior, he exposes all the insecurities of a man hopelessly trying to find himself.
Hollywood gave him little comfort. The booze did its trick but only weighed him down come sunrise. Communism ruffled his feathers but brought him no justice. His stint with the OSS during WW2 tarnished his patriotism. Intensive psychotherapy only added more dismay to the bubbling cauldron of self-doubt. Wine, women and song - take it or leave it. NYC, Jersey, Boston, Maine, Tahiti, France, Yugoslavia - there are places to go but no place to call home.
We all know Hayden from 'Dr. Strangelove' and 'The Killing' but to witness his performance in Altman's 'Long Goodbye' may have touched upon the real Hayden, who we get to know in this book. This was a sad, rebellious man. And what makes this book so damn good is his honesty to admit it, almost flourish in it with literary license.
This book is for Wanderers, or better yet, those who seek to wander. It is also for those in love with schooners, starlit skies and the hardened men of the ocean. And no mistaking, Hayden can write. His brevity, eloquence and naturalistic skill at painting scenes make his prose sing and cadence into one of the finest books about self the latter half of the 20th century. Don't go into this one expecting him to gossip about the women he slept with and the celebrities with their share of skeletons in the closet. It has to do with so much more than that.
August 3, 2011
As a 20 yr. old I was smitten by Hayden, his book and the sea. I wanted to sail away with him from Sausalito. Later met someone who did. He was fleeing his wife.......
February 9, 2010
Always dug this guy's on-screen presence, and then accidentally saw a review on GoodReads of this book. Had NO idea this back story. Fully inspiring, and surprisingly exciting.
Find this book and read it. But don't ask for mine - it is now one of the select books in my permanent collection.
Find this book and read it. But don't ask for mine - it is now one of the select books in my permanent collection.
December 2, 2009
fan-damn-tastic. one of the most honest self-examinations ever.
August 25, 2012
The pitfall of being a romantic is that's easy to romanticize yourself, not just Nature, Life, etc. But there are worse things.
March 2, 2019
Money is not what matters.
September 18, 2018
Sterling Hayden was a soldier, a sailor, an actor, a writer, a wanderer, a cocksman, and a bit of a blowhard. He was a man's man in the Hemingway tradition. His "go fuck yourself" attitude led him on some crazy adventures, but he navigated with his heart, and earnestly sought truth and authenticity in his exploits. However, his quest for the figurative Grail found him unable to shake free of the attachments of modern bullshit, in his case the phony-baloney Hollywood hokum that both pissed him off and reeled him in with its easy money, beautiful women, booze & drugs, and the siren-song of fame.
It's a good damn read, and if Hayden is full of himself, he might well have the right to be. Inspirational, even if a bit over-the-top.
It's a good damn read, and if Hayden is full of himself, he might well have the right to be. Inspirational, even if a bit over-the-top.
November 3, 2010
Powerful. Revealing.
Maddening. Oft times disheartening.
And finally, Honest!
This is a portrait of Man(the Dreamer) at his most stripped. I dare you to do better. I dare you to look. I expect you to ridicule.
Maddening. Oft times disheartening.
And finally, Honest!
This is a portrait of Man(the Dreamer) at his most stripped. I dare you to do better. I dare you to look. I expect you to ridicule.
January 14, 2009
steer, g-ddamn it, steer
April 26, 2009
a great book. well worth a read for anyone that enjoys a horizon.
April 13, 2012
Best book all time for those dreaming to escape on an around the world sea adventure. True story too.
June 5, 2022
“Why can’t we all be like storybook children?”
November 8, 2021
One of the best books I've read. Compares to The Fountainhead. While it is heavy on nautical terms, it is still very readable. The point is on a man's journey though life. Lots of good stuff. Best autobiography I've read. He doesn't hold back from the negative parts nor does he make excuses. It's written in a 1950's style. Really enjoyed. Lots of lessons against the consumerism of today's society. Relevant to today. Interesting take on the anti-communism hysteria of the fifties. Strongly recommend.
December 30, 2025
Late contender for favorite book of the year. Always nice to remind myself I still got that voice in my head telling me to get the fuck out of dodge. Or maybe my friend Cali is right and I haven’t had enough struggle in my life so I gotta run around finding problems for meself. I need to get meself back on a boat
October 22, 2019
An absorbing adventure story and harsh autobiography, told with seascape sweep of Conrad, with perhaps a dash of Jack London, streaked with the occasional thoughtfulness of Thoreau (all among Hayden's favourite authors). The writing radiates a vigour and colour well beyond much of the current product of people who call themselves writers. Its hallmark is brutal honesty, a rare quality. The book opens as an account of a notorious, law-defying voyage to Tahiti with his four children. It quickly develops into an account of Hayden's troubled voyage through life — the reflections of a man with a basic confidence, an ability to be instantly likable, but also given to restlessness, rebellion and recklessness, and plagued by self-doubt and self-recrimination. It is the voyage of an Odysseus with no Penelope and no island home. The final line seems ambiguous. Is he saying farewell to the person he was during his first 45 years, or finally accepting who he is?
August 11, 2014
Sterling Hayden was a motion picture actor in Hollywood in the 1940's and '50's, but before that he lived a life as full of adventure and wanderlust as you can imagine. At times Wanderer, his autobiography, reads like a Clive Cussler novel. In 1933, in the depths of the Great Depression, Hayden, then sixteen, ran away from boarding school and signed up as cabin boy for the grand sum of $10 a month on the schooner Puritan sailing from New London, Connecticut, to Newport Beach, California. After that he crewed on a fishing boat (this was the tail end of the Windjammer Era, when most working boats were still sailboats) working the Grand Banks of Newfoundland. He ran a charter yacht, and was a fireman on a steamer during eleven trips to Cuba. He skippered a trading schooner in the Caribbean, and in 1937 was the mate during a world cruise on the schooner Yankee. After serving on larger vessels and sailing around the world several times, he got his first command, sailing a square-rigger from Gloucester, Massachusetts, to Tahiti in 1938, at age 22.
Making his first film in Hollywood, Virginia, he met, fell in love with, and married Madeleine Carroll, the British actress who played the first of Alfred Hitchcock's blonde 'ice queens' in The 39 Steps (and gave the director his first success). During the war years, Mr. Hayden joined the Marines and then transferred to Billy Donovan's OSS. He spent most of the war sailing men and supplies from Italy to Yugoslav partisans and parachuting into fascist Croatia. (How could you make this up?) In 1958, after a bitter divorce from his second wife, broke and with a dozen court orders hanging over him, he set sail from San Francisco in the 98-foot schooner Wanderer with his four children and headed for Tahiti. Mr. Hayden was a very conflicted man during most of his life, but this is a great read!
Making his first film in Hollywood, Virginia, he met, fell in love with, and married Madeleine Carroll, the British actress who played the first of Alfred Hitchcock's blonde 'ice queens' in The 39 Steps (and gave the director his first success). During the war years, Mr. Hayden joined the Marines and then transferred to Billy Donovan's OSS. He spent most of the war sailing men and supplies from Italy to Yugoslav partisans and parachuting into fascist Croatia. (How could you make this up?) In 1958, after a bitter divorce from his second wife, broke and with a dozen court orders hanging over him, he set sail from San Francisco in the 98-foot schooner Wanderer with his four children and headed for Tahiti. Mr. Hayden was a very conflicted man during most of his life, but this is a great read!
September 3, 2019
Having watched the Blu-Ray copy of THE ASPHALT JUNGLE a few months back and having watched the documentary attached to the DVD called "Pharos of Chaos" which was done a couple of years before he died if I recall correctly. He was drinking heavily and smoking a lot of hash. He was living on a barge in France with one of his son's who was obviously trying to take care of him. It was tragic, yet there is something so compelling about the man because he had an extraordinary life and yet he seemed so depressed about it. I had to read his book WANDERER to figure out what happened. Having read the book I think this poor man suffered from PTSD and some form of mental illness. The book begins with him breaking the law during his divorce proceedings with his wife by taking his kids to Tahiti on the sailboat which was not equipped with ship to shore communications. No radio, and manned mostly by sailing amateurs besides the 1st mate and his wife. Hayden then proceeds to go back into the journey of his life growing up, a very difficult childhood where he blames himself for the death of his father when he was just a young boy because he had injured a woman by taking a sling shot and shooting a metal staple into her face. His father decided to whip Hayden for this offense and then had a stroke and died while in the process of doing this. Hayden grew up very poor during the depression and his mother married another man who was not a good provider for the family so they ended moving up and down the east coast. The stepfather eventually convinces Hayden to surrender his inheritance he received from his Uncle Mont of $3,000 dollars. Hayden does this to help the family but the stepfather blows it all and then just leaves his mother and Hayden behind forever. Hayden did not perform well in school but he spent numerous hours in the library studying books about ships and sailing. He had a fascination with ships at a young age and could not get enough learning about them. Another interesting facet of his life was the fact that although he did not go to college or have the best grades he was very well read and he was kind of self educated through the use of the local library. I think this is important thing for anyone who reads this book to remember is the fact that the public library can make a difference for any person in a community. You would think a young man as big as he was and so strong would be playing sports etc, but in the book you discover that his love was in the reading of books and also learning to sail ships etc. and that is where he put in his time. He sails around the world a couple of times, works on fishing boats, and also yachts. It was during these yacht races where the article was written that Hollywood would be his destiny and that there were so many women lined up to get a glimpse of this Viking God during the races. So Hayden does go to Hollywood and he meets his first wife on his first film. Her name is Madeliene Carroll, and the war breaks out and not only does Hayden want out of Hollywood but Madeliene wants out as well. They both go to war. She works in a hospital in Italy and he is based in Italy but running guns to the Albanians and the Yugoslavians, and doing rescue missions. He's awarded the Silver Star for his service but he is so down on himself he says he could not figure out why they even gave it to him. He then goes back to Hollywood eventually. He divorces his first wife Madeliene and becomes married again but things are rocky and he ends up divorcing and remarrying his second wife, Betty Ann DeNoon three times. They have four children which are the children with him on the voyage to Tahiti. Hayden talks about his film career. A couple of stories really made me laugh. Hayden was blacklisted for several year due to his membership in the Communist Party and had to appear before the Committee of anti-American activities and renounce his communist party flirtation and also rat out his friends. Hayden referred to this as the "RAPE OF INTEGRITY". He felt so bad but he needed money and had a family to support. He mentions this audition where a movie executive calls him in to see if he would be interested in a film where the hero stood up for the oppressed, for the small forgotten man, for people suffering unjust circumstances, and worked for the greater good. The executive tells Hayden, the character's name is TARZAN. I want to call five more people into my office to witness what you look like naked from the waist up. Hayden nearly busts up laughing and says, "I don't think so" and walk out. I guess that was around the time Johnny Weissmuller was getting to old for the part. Another interesting story was how he was to shy to get to know Marilyn Monroe when they worked together in THE ASPHALT JUNGLE, plus his wife forbade him to talk to her. In an interview Hayden says that on the set of THE ASPHALT JUNGLE as soon as Marilyn showed up the world just stopped. He mentions a brief encounter with actor Errol Flynn, who happened to be a yachting enthusiast himself and the story Hayden tells about their meeting confirms what a slimy person Errol Flynn was. Hayden had an addiction to drinking and also cigarettes, in fact he states in the book, "I choose cancer" which was really sad and self prophetic because that is what he died of. He tried to quit both drinking and smoking, but did not succeed and he did try to get help with a therapist but that did not seem to do good either. His trip to Tahiti with his kids gave him the ability to write the book which is fantastic. Sterling Hayden was a very good actor but I put his writing skills and ability to tell a story up there with any of the great writers in history. This book is a masterpiece. It was over four hundred pages long but I read it very quickly because he has that special talent to take the reader on the journey so you feel like you are with him, seeing what he sees and feeling what he feels. I remember a small sentence in the book where he basically states that everybody has one constant companion: ANXIETY and I couldn't agree more. The book is also great because he does not sugarcoat anything. He shares his life warts and all with the reader. It is a very honest book and it makes me reflect that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and we all need to try and be better people. I highly recommend this book to all. A very interesting story about a very interesting man.
November 17, 2017
I love Sterling Hayden as an actor. Had no idea he was a writer too. He writes with a 19th century love of dense, descriptive sentences, but with a very 1960s attitude. I also had no idea who he was and the life he led. Grew up during the depression, loved ships and the sea since he was a kid, sailed around the world numerous times before he was 22. Fought in WWII with the OSS after making two movies in Hollywood. Everyone said he was so big and strong and handsome he oughtta be in pictures. So he went along with it. Came back to movies post-war, but always hated acting and hated Hollywood, and wasn't afraid to let everyone know it.
Hayden really takes himself apart in this book. It's what makes him such a good actor. He looks like a tough guy, but there's so much pain and yearning and behind those eyes. He struggled to find happiness no matter what he was doing or where he was living.
The book has a sort of wrap-around story in the present of '59 when, after divorcing his wife and getting custory of their four children, he defies a court order and takes the kids (and a crew) on his sailing ship to Tahiti, doesn't come back for a year.
Hayden really takes himself apart in this book. It's what makes him such a good actor. He looks like a tough guy, but there's so much pain and yearning and behind those eyes. He struggled to find happiness no matter what he was doing or where he was living.
The book has a sort of wrap-around story in the present of '59 when, after divorcing his wife and getting custory of their four children, he defies a court order and takes the kids (and a crew) on his sailing ship to Tahiti, doesn't come back for a year.
December 4, 2007
Sterling Hayden was one of the most intriguing figures to emerge from Hollywood. This is his biography. It is not about "how to sail". If you check Hayden on Wikipedia, you'll get a bit of his life but it was actually much more complex. He followed a poor and hard-working path to making movies and only acted to support his family and love of sailing. He was made full Captain of a ship by age 22 and sailed around the world twice. He was the crazy General in Dr. Strangelove.
The only problem I had with my copy of this book was that after 78 chapters and 394 pages, there was no ending (unclear). It started back over at chapter 72 and repeated again to the end of 78. The supposed ending was actually very satisfying but I'll have to find another edition to see if there is any further writing.
The only problem I had with my copy of this book was that after 78 chapters and 394 pages, there was no ending (unclear). It started back over at chapter 72 and repeated again to the end of 78. The supposed ending was actually very satisfying but I'll have to find another edition to see if there is any further writing.
March 4, 2014
If you like the sea--old-style navigating and sailing--and you are searching for a place in this world, then this book if for you. It is a wonderful journey into the sources of our modern anxieties and angst.Hayden makes a great personal argument of how modern civilization uncivilized humanity--a more modern perspective than Rousseau's noble savage. His book definitely stands on the noble shoulders of Melville's Moby Dick and Dana's Before the Mast.
"But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention for the sheer idiocy of the charade. The years thunder by, The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed."
"But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention for the sheer idiocy of the charade. The years thunder by, The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed."
Want to read
October 9, 2009Though I am loathe to do so, I must put this book in the stasis hold until further notice. It's not that's it's bad necessarily, it's just not grabbing my attention enough and thus it's taking me months to finish. It is also due at the library. There are other books I need to read of a more seasonal necessity, other shores to conquer and I cannot be slowed down by dead weight. I think Sterling Hayden would agree with me.
PS: I liked the parts in Woonsocket and Providence involving the queer parties.
PS: I liked the parts in Woonsocket and Providence involving the queer parties.
February 25, 2015
Beware of anyone who refers to himself in the third person while speaking or writing.
They also tend to hide their pride and sense of self importance behind false modesty.
There were parts of Sterling Hayden's auto-biography that were interesting, but at times I sensed that he was more interested in crafting clever sentences than telling what could have been a fascinating story of his life.
By the way - years ago I read his novel Voyage and give it a higher recommendation than this load of crap.
They also tend to hide their pride and sense of self importance behind false modesty.
There were parts of Sterling Hayden's auto-biography that were interesting, but at times I sensed that he was more interested in crafting clever sentences than telling what could have been a fascinating story of his life.
By the way - years ago I read his novel Voyage and give it a higher recommendation than this load of crap.
Want to read
October 16, 2008Sterling Hayden is best-known for playing the corrupt cop Michael Corleone kills in "Godfather." He was a good actor who was in some fine old noir pics ... but hated acting and Hollywood.
He lived an adventurous life, running guns to Yugoslav partisans during World War II.
This is an account of an ocean voyage when his life was not going well.
I've read a few pages -- the guy can write.
I was going to take this along on a cruise I would've taken last year ... but I had to cancel the trip.
He lived an adventurous life, running guns to Yugoslav partisans during World War II.
This is an account of an ocean voyage when his life was not going well.
I've read a few pages -- the guy can write.
I was going to take this along on a cruise I would've taken last year ... but I had to cancel the trip.
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