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If Someone Says You Complete Me, Run!: Whoopi's Big Book of Relationships
From the provocative and hilarious EGOT winner, bestselling author, and host of The View , Whoopi Goldberg, comes the perfect antidote to all those outdated relationship advice books in the world, weighing in on why marriage isn't for everybody and how the life you want shouldn't be the life everyone else expects you to have. Whoopi Goldberg has been an electrifying, envelope-pushing public figure of many acclaimed actor, comedienne, singer, songwriter, author, political activist, and talk show host. Now Whoopi speaks openly about why marriage isn't for everyone, how being alone can be satisfying, and how what's most important is understanding who you are and what makes you happy. Wise, funny, and conversation starting, Whoopi's message is sure to resonate with the millions of people who struggle with relationships every day. Goldberg I get to hear from a lot of different people about relationships, and this got me trying to figure out why the divorce rate is SO high. It occurred to me that as one who has done it badly often, I might have some insight. It's hard to really know the other person's agenda, but if someone says 'you complete me' ... RUN!!!
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Read by the author.
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First published October 13, 2015
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About the author
Whoopi Goldberg
65 books411 followersWhoopi Goldberg is one of an elite group of artists who have won the EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony Awards) and is the bestselling author of the Sugar Plum Ballerina series, Book, and Is It Just Me? While performing in the Bay Area she created the characters that became The Spook Show and evolved into her hit Broadway show, Grammy Award–winning album, and the HBO special that helped launch her career. Spanning decades, Whoopi’s credits include roles in the well-known films The Color Purple, Ghosts of Mississippi, Sister Act, and Ghost. She produced the documentary Whoopi Goldberg Presents Moms Mabley, and she appeared in and was one of the producers of the critically acclaimed 2022 feature film Till. She loves VW Bugs, working casinos, and comfortable clothing; is a passionate supporter of the audio arts and dedicated collector of audiobooks; and heads the Whoopfam Group, makers of Emma & Clyde, Whoopi & Maya, and other recreational and medicinal marijuana products.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 320 reviews
February 16, 2020
Audiobook read by Whoopi Goldberg
Funny, smart, wise....
Ask Whoop....
....about....
....love, sex, money, marriage, partnerships, being single, trust, big and little lies, ( just tell the truth),
communication, identity, manners, kindness, self-esteem, independence, social media, friendships, ( all types), relationships, (all types), red flags, booty calls, adultery, ( the good, bad, and ugly honest truth),
male and female hormones, aging, wishful thinking, fantasies, reality,
Prince charming and Cinderella, ( and why you don’t want to marry either),
creativity, work, hygiene, drinking, drugs, prenups, ( get a f#%king prenup), dating, children, ( small and adult children), being whole and complete, ( nobody needs somebody to complete them), soul mates and what the heck that really means, mistakes, apologizing, moving on, letting go, healthy boundaries, jealousy, books, movies, (cool recommendations), people with the ‘it quality’: (get clear about whether or not you can marry an ‘it’ person), cheaters are usually always cheaters, ( don’t think you can change a person),
good old fashion common sense......
And
MEN: put the toilet seat down!
Straight talk with Whoopi is fun- validating- satisfying- engaging and entertaining.
Tips on life doesn’t get much more fun than listening to “Run”.
Kudos to Whoopi Goldberg!
Funny, smart, wise....
Ask Whoop....
....about....
....love, sex, money, marriage, partnerships, being single, trust, big and little lies, ( just tell the truth),
communication, identity, manners, kindness, self-esteem, independence, social media, friendships, ( all types), relationships, (all types), red flags, booty calls, adultery, ( the good, bad, and ugly honest truth),
male and female hormones, aging, wishful thinking, fantasies, reality,
Prince charming and Cinderella, ( and why you don’t want to marry either),
creativity, work, hygiene, drinking, drugs, prenups, ( get a f#%king prenup), dating, children, ( small and adult children), being whole and complete, ( nobody needs somebody to complete them), soul mates and what the heck that really means, mistakes, apologizing, moving on, letting go, healthy boundaries, jealousy, books, movies, (cool recommendations), people with the ‘it quality’: (get clear about whether or not you can marry an ‘it’ person), cheaters are usually always cheaters, ( don’t think you can change a person),
good old fashion common sense......
And
MEN: put the toilet seat down!
Straight talk with Whoopi is fun- validating- satisfying- engaging and entertaining.
Tips on life doesn’t get much more fun than listening to “Run”.
Kudos to Whoopi Goldberg!
October 29, 2015
It looks like an anti-relationship/anti-marriage book but it's not. It's a "do what's actually right for you, not what you've been told is right for you" book.
If that's keeping relationships and getting married, cool. Get married. But do it for the right reasons and realized everything that's going to come with it. Are you willing to deal with those things?
If you're not, then maybe marriage/relationships aren't for you. Be honest with yourself and the people around you.
If I had to sum up the book in one sentence I'd do it with a quote from the last chapter: "I complete me."
You're not going to find happiness by expecting someone else to plug up the holes in your personality like some emotional little Dutch boy. Figure out how to be happy with yourself and by yourself and then worry about finding someone else. That's too much responsibility to shove off on someone else anyway.
Anywho. It's a good book. It said a lot of things I needed to hear, a lot of things I needed to be reminded of, and a lot of things I wish other people would realize. The writing style feels a tad unpolished - it's a bit stream of consciousness. I'd definitely recommend this in audiobook format if for no other reason than that Whoopi is most certainly a performer. Her reading is very well done; she manages to make the book feel like a conversation. I would love to see a stand-up version of this.
On that note; don't go into this expecting humor. Yes, it's a funny book, but that's not the point. The point is the information. The funny bits are just a bonus. It's not a laugh riot all the way through; it's advice from someone with experiences that you might not have had yet.
This will probably be a repeat listen for when I get too far into my own head. She says a lot of things that I know, but I'm not always that good at keeping in mind.
If that's keeping relationships and getting married, cool. Get married. But do it for the right reasons and realized everything that's going to come with it. Are you willing to deal with those things?
If you're not, then maybe marriage/relationships aren't for you. Be honest with yourself and the people around you.
If I had to sum up the book in one sentence I'd do it with a quote from the last chapter: "I complete me."
You're not going to find happiness by expecting someone else to plug up the holes in your personality like some emotional little Dutch boy. Figure out how to be happy with yourself and by yourself and then worry about finding someone else. That's too much responsibility to shove off on someone else anyway.
Anywho. It's a good book. It said a lot of things I needed to hear, a lot of things I needed to be reminded of, and a lot of things I wish other people would realize. The writing style feels a tad unpolished - it's a bit stream of consciousness. I'd definitely recommend this in audiobook format if for no other reason than that Whoopi is most certainly a performer. Her reading is very well done; she manages to make the book feel like a conversation. I would love to see a stand-up version of this.
On that note; don't go into this expecting humor. Yes, it's a funny book, but that's not the point. The point is the information. The funny bits are just a bonus. It's not a laugh riot all the way through; it's advice from someone with experiences that you might not have had yet.
This will probably be a repeat listen for when I get too far into my own head. She says a lot of things that I know, but I'm not always that good at keeping in mind.
February 6, 2016
It's weird to read a relationship book when you are single and proud.. The whole time I was reading it, I imagined Whoopi talking to me with her voice and mannerism.. That was epic read, for future reference.. I'm taking notes! :p
September 2, 2018
http://www.writingis.fun/%D0%BA%D0%B0...
Преди приблизително седмица приключих книгата и от тогава насам тя живее на рафта ми. Като цяло, мисля, че останах с доста смесени впечатления за нея.
Всеки познава Упи от многобройните филми, в които е участвала. Без съмнение сте гледали поне един, ако не и доста повече от един с нейното участие. Като чуя името й, първата асоциация за филм, която изниква в ума ми е "Систър акт", където тя беше една доста нетипична пееща монахиня.
Преди приблизително седмица приключих книгата и от тогава насам тя живее на рафта ми. Като цяло, мисля, че останах с доста смесени впечатления за нея.
Всеки познава Упи от многобройните филми, в които е участвала. Без съмнение сте гледали поне един, ако не и доста повече от един с нейното участие. Като чуя името й, първата асоциация за филм, която изниква в ума ми е "Систър акт", където тя беше една доста нетипична пееща монахиня.
March 15, 2017
I like this book but it was nothing new to me. I am a huge fan of Whoopi and watch her on the view everyday so I knew a lot of what she had to say in this book. It is her honest view of relationships and I agree with most of it. So for me it was just a freshen up coarse. Love her!
May 6, 2016
This book is not conservative when it comes to having sex but hey that's life. Everybody is responsible for his choices. It has some funny moments but at first Whoopi's voice was off to me; it's a little too informal for my taste but it grew on me at some point. I also understands that she's trying to say it as it is; no sugar-coating. She said one thing in the book that's true. I'll paraphrase it. She said that if you don't like her book, don't tell others not buy it. She's right. If you don't like it, that's your problem. It's no one's place to make that call for every reader. As a fellow author as well, I agree with that.
Anyways, I also love the fact that she stresses communication from the get go from each party; bride, groom, children, parents, etc. You get the gist, any relationships you might have so that everybody is on the same length and there are no surprises.
The main thing that made me iffy about the book besides the voice is the lack of focus of certain chapters. They often got off track in my opinion if I based myself on their titles alone.
Overall, I didn't hate the book and I didn't like it either. I was meh. So 2.5/5
Anyways, I also love the fact that she stresses communication from the get go from each party; bride, groom, children, parents, etc. You get the gist, any relationships you might have so that everybody is on the same length and there are no surprises.
The main thing that made me iffy about the book besides the voice is the lack of focus of certain chapters. They often got off track in my opinion if I based myself on their titles alone.
Overall, I didn't hate the book and I didn't like it either. I was meh. So 2.5/5
October 26, 2015
I guess this could be classified as a self help book; if so, it is not typical of the genre. This is my first book by Whoopi Goldberg and she narrated it herself. I was unaware that Whoopi has written a number of books. The book is about relationships. Whoopi says she hopes that readers won’t make the same mistakes she did or have to learn the hard way why a relationship is not working. She also says people should have a prenup so everyone is on the same page about finances.
The information is common sense but Whoopi is very frank and hilarious. I think she is a great story teller and a fantastic narrator. I hope in the future she does more narration of books, she is a natural. I also learned that Whoopi is a big fan of audiobooks and is a regular listener. This make a great fun book to listen to and I laughed throughout the book. This is a short book at a little over four hours.
The information is common sense but Whoopi is very frank and hilarious. I think she is a great story teller and a fantastic narrator. I hope in the future she does more narration of books, she is a natural. I also learned that Whoopi is a big fan of audiobooks and is a regular listener. This make a great fun book to listen to and I laughed throughout the book. This is a short book at a little over four hours.
October 30, 2015
This book started out slow, & I almost put it down for good. It also has a few grammatical errors, but if you're not a crazed grammar fanatic you should be fine. This definitely won't be the book for everyone, as some of what Whoopi says will be seen as immoral by some. However, she really does give some good advice in this book and if you have ever been in a relationship that didn't work out, you can relate to a lot of it. Her last chapter is titled: "I Complete Me," and that sums up a lot of her advice in this book. The final sentence is: "A romantic relationship is fun and can add a lot to your life, but think of it as the whipped cream on top of the sundae and not the whole sundae. And that's all folks!"
October 23, 2015
I think I would have liked this more if I had done this as an audiobook. As it was it was so scattered like Whoopi just wrote down every thought she had as she had it.
April 24, 2016
Упи Голдбърг е смешна. Тя е остроумна. И тази книга е пълна със здрав разум. Предполагам, че "Каже ли ти някой "Ти ме допълваш", бягай!" може да се класифицира като селф хелп литература, но тя не е типична за жанра. Най-малкото заради факта, че Упи е достатъчно честна да заяви още в началото, че няма претенции да е специалист по взаимоотношенията. Тя разказва за грешките и опита си, има някои страхотни идеи, разграничава секса от любовта, пише интересно, провокира размисли по темата за връзките и изпълва всичко с уникалния си ум и личност. Най-добрият съвет от Упи в тази книга може да се сведе до това, че най-доброто, което може да направите в една връзка е да сте честни със себе си и партньора си...
Целият текст: ТУК
Целият текст: ТУК
March 4, 2016
I would give this a 3.5. This book by Whoopi Goldberg combines an advice on relationships added with her sense of humor. Whoopi will start right out to tell the readers she has been married three times and all ended in divorce. She has learned a lot over the years on the relationships she has had good and bad. each chapter is on a different subject ranging from sex, don't believe the hype you learn in movies. red flags to pick up on. and many other subjects. she is honest about herself and offers the mistakes she has made over the years. This book is written with a good sense of humor. I had some fun reading her book. If you are a fan of hers you may enjoy reading this book.
December 26, 2021
Whew child Relationship
A funny but true take on our relationships of all kinds. How to communicate what you want or don't want when dealing with others. No matter the dynamic of relationship. From marriage to friendships.
A funny but true take on our relationships of all kinds. How to communicate what you want or don't want when dealing with others. No matter the dynamic of relationship. From marriage to friendships.
November 1, 2021
Amazing book full of wisdom, I disagree with some advices yet, as she mentioned, it is her journey in life. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in relationships.
February 25, 2021
This was a very fun, quick read.
May 28, 2019
If Someone Says “You Complete Me” RUN!
I Picked Up This Book Because: 92% the title, 8% Whoopi
The Story:
This book gave me some new thoughts and confirmed a lot of conclusions I had already come to in my own life. Interspersed with humor and a bit of sarcasm this doesn’t really read as a self help book. It is not at all “you should be doing this or that” like. It is very much “hey these are my experiences and learnings from life maybe they can help you”
I love how Whoopi explores being honest with yourself and those around you. Determine the important things in your life then go about them in the way that you want to.
The Random Thoughts:
”Take responsibility for yourself, and don’t expect someone else to do it for you.”
”You have to be a complete person before you can commit to anyone else.”
”We all want to be accepted, to be loved, sometimes so badly that we let things slide. But you let things slide for too long and soon enough you are living a lie.”
”The most important thing is that you have to listen to your truths, desires and wants. And you have to believe you deserve all of it.”
The Score Card:
4 Stars
I Picked Up This Book Because: 92% the title, 8% Whoopi
The Story:
This book gave me some new thoughts and confirmed a lot of conclusions I had already come to in my own life. Interspersed with humor and a bit of sarcasm this doesn’t really read as a self help book. It is not at all “you should be doing this or that” like. It is very much “hey these are my experiences and learnings from life maybe they can help you”
I love how Whoopi explores being honest with yourself and those around you. Determine the important things in your life then go about them in the way that you want to.
The Random Thoughts:
”Take responsibility for yourself, and don’t expect someone else to do it for you.”
”You have to be a complete person before you can commit to anyone else.”
”We all want to be accepted, to be loved, sometimes so badly that we let things slide. But you let things slide for too long and soon enough you are living a lie.”
”The most important thing is that you have to listen to your truths, desires and wants. And you have to believe you deserve all of it.”
The Score Card:
4 Stars
April 1, 2016
I'll be honest here, I don't feel like I am the intended audience for this book. Whoopi's message boils down to do what's right for you, and don't feel like the right way to do it is the way it's portrayed in the movies/books/media in general. Which is an amazing message. But a lot of the way she gets to it is breaking down ideas about marriage, relationships and sex. And this doesn't apply to me. I've already come to terms with what I'm looking for in those regards, and I'm already outside of societies norms.
So this book wasn't for me, but it is going to be for a lot of people. Whoopi Goldberg has a wonderful voice to her writing, and even if the book doesn't apply to much it's enjoyable just to read her writing.
So this book wasn't for me, but it is going to be for a lot of people. Whoopi Goldberg has a wonderful voice to her writing, and even if the book doesn't apply to much it's enjoyable just to read her writing.
December 11, 2018
If Someone Says “You Complete Me," RUN! by Whoopi Goldberg is part memoir and part self help book. Goldberg uses the outline of her adult life to give relationship and self esteem advice.
I admit that I came for the memorable title but I stayed for the straight up, oft-times brutal advice. Basically, the take away is, don't get in a relationship with someone who wants you to be their better or missing half.
http://pussreboots.com/blog/2018/comm...
I admit that I came for the memorable title but I stayed for the straight up, oft-times brutal advice. Basically, the take away is, don't get in a relationship with someone who wants you to be their better or missing half.
http://pussreboots.com/blog/2018/comm...
September 28, 2017
Whoopi has been a star longer than I've been alive. If you've seen her on the view, watched any of her memorable performances, or followed her career...this book is everything you'd expect of her. Check out the rest of my review and a clip of Whoopi talking about her book on The View here.
September 26, 2017
This was a 3.5 for me. I listened to it and loooooved her voice. I could listen to her all day. The advice was like poetry-you pick and choose what speaks to you. So, while I couldn't relate to the book in its entirety, I did take nuggets from it.
December 16, 2015
Every twentysomething should read this book. It's funny AND has a great message. Very relatable. Quick read but the messages she is sending you will stay with you. Good stuff!
January 14, 2019
Whoopi is my spirit person, my tribespeople. I love all things her.
May 16, 2016
I have to say I was surprised to find that this was an actual book of relationship advise (which will teach me to look at the Dewey number on the spine!). But Whoopi knows her stuff and serves it up with a giant dose of humor.
http://nicolewbrown.blogspot.com/2016...
There’s nobody more complicated than a human being. Straight, gay, black, white, or “other”-it doesn’t matter. The position we put ourselves in is incredibly complicated—mostly because we complicate it.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN!: Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships P 6)
Or listen to (“You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman”. Really? There’s someone out there who is going to make you feel like a “natural woman,” as if you were an “unnatural woman” to start with? Or “As Long as He Needs Me,” from the musical Oliver!, where Nancy sings about Bill Sykes, who has pretty much beat the shit out of her, and she is saying, “This is my man, and I’m going to be with him even though he doesn’t do any of the things that he is supposed to do, just because I think that, deep down, he needs me.” What the hell is wrong with this woman?
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p11)
Think about “I say a Little Prayer”: “The moment I wake up/ Before I put on my makeup, / I say a little prayer for you.” Come on. Really? What the fuck? You should be saying a little prayer for yourself, so you can get through the day. If you’re going to take a minute to pray, pray that you get to your job on time without getting hit by a bus or getting mugged, or nothing happens to you on the subway or crossing the street. This idea that you have this love…it’s not really real. It’s kind of wonderful to be in that heightened state, but it’s not real. Maybe I just look at it as a prelude to problems, because at some point you will be sorely disappointed. Which is when you will start saying a little prayer that this person will just go away.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p12)
I blame these songs for messing me up, for setting me up to fail. Don’t get me wrong. They are all great songs. I love these songs. They just send the wrong message: A lot of Stevie Wonder, especially “I Believe (When I Fall in Love, It Will Be Forever.”) The whole album that this song is on, Talking Book, pretty much covers the entire trajectory of a relationship. It is amazing, but you are going to want to break out the scotch when you listen to that one. Any of the love songs from West Side Story, but especially “One Hand, One Heart.” So now we all want to be Siamese twins? “My Girl.” Providing sunshine on a cloudy day and some of these other acts of God the Temptations sing about is a lot of pressure to put on someone. Do you really want to take that on and be that guy’s girl?
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 12-14)
I am a huge movie buff, but that shit can mess you up. In a way, popular culture conditions us to find someone who makes us happy which many of us take to mean “Just find someone, whether they make you happy or not. Just find someone or you won’t be considered normal.” That’s why so many people rush into relationships that make no sense.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p16)
An Officer and a Gentleman. Pretty Woman. Fifty Shades of Grey…Footloose. The Enchanted Cottage. Grease. Twilight. Can’t Buy Me Love. The Notebook. (Or any fucking book or movie by Nicholas Sparks.) Then there’s Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind, Maria and Tony in West Side Story. Really? You’re going to die for love after knowing each other for less than twenty-four hours? I love that movie, but come on! “But its true love!” some will say. But it ain’t real, people. It’s a movie.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 19)
While some of us may think we have a soundtrack to our life, none of us gets our own movie soundtrack. This means that we may have songs that have been important to us at times in our life, our history, but none of us has an actual soundtrack playing in the background. In Manhattan, with Woody Allen and Diane Keaton, you hear Gershwin in the background while they are walking down the street. That’s not happening in real life. No one hears fucking Gershwin when they are out walking. You hear, “Honk, honk, move!” You see dogs pooping. You hear people talking loudly on their cell phones. You’re exposed to all that. In the movies, none of that. That should tell you to be really careful in how movies relate to your real life.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p22)
I’ll just put it to you this way: Girl, you’d better know how to do things yourself. You’d better learn how to protect yourself, and don’t start fights you can’t finish. If you want something hung up on the wall, learn how to handle a hammer. You don’t want to wait for somebody to do it for you. That’s not why you want a relationship. If you want somebody to do stuff for you, get a handyman. It’s cheaper, especially if you’re going to divorce him. Handymen don’t want to get in the bed. He’ll just pee in the bathroom, that’s all, and hopefully in the toilet and not the sink, like some men I have known. The only problem you’ll have with him is he won’t put the toilet seat down. But what man does?
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p31)
If you’re not willing to do the work, which requires a bridge, requires you to give and for the other person to give to you, if you’re not willing to hear why he’s upset, if you’re not willing to hear all the things that you need to hear in a relationship, then maybe it’s not for you. That’s why I’m not in one—because I’m really someone who needs to figure out what the cat wants. I spend a lot of time in the cat box.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 39)
If they complete you, they can deconstruct you as well.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 41)
So I say if you think getting married is the be-all and end-all of your life, then you really need to think about why you feel that way. If you’re going to do this and get married, really understand yourself and what it is you think it’s going to do for you. If you’re doing this because you’re lonely, don’t do it. If you’re doing this to prove a point, don’t do it. If you’re doing this to get back at somebody, don’t do it. If you’re doing this because your mother wants you to, don’t do it. If you’re doing this because you figure, “What the hell,” definitely don’t do it. It takes some strength and energy to go against all the cultural expectations, but it takes even more to live a lie, to get divorced, to fight with someone every day, to be confused or unhappy or untrue to yourself.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 44-5)
Believe me, Prince Charming will turn into Darth Vader once you get him into divorce court.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 167)
http://nicolewbrown.blogspot.com/2016...
There’s nobody more complicated than a human being. Straight, gay, black, white, or “other”-it doesn’t matter. The position we put ourselves in is incredibly complicated—mostly because we complicate it.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN!: Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships P 6)
Or listen to (“You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman”. Really? There’s someone out there who is going to make you feel like a “natural woman,” as if you were an “unnatural woman” to start with? Or “As Long as He Needs Me,” from the musical Oliver!, where Nancy sings about Bill Sykes, who has pretty much beat the shit out of her, and she is saying, “This is my man, and I’m going to be with him even though he doesn’t do any of the things that he is supposed to do, just because I think that, deep down, he needs me.” What the hell is wrong with this woman?
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p11)
Think about “I say a Little Prayer”: “The moment I wake up/ Before I put on my makeup, / I say a little prayer for you.” Come on. Really? What the fuck? You should be saying a little prayer for yourself, so you can get through the day. If you’re going to take a minute to pray, pray that you get to your job on time without getting hit by a bus or getting mugged, or nothing happens to you on the subway or crossing the street. This idea that you have this love…it’s not really real. It’s kind of wonderful to be in that heightened state, but it’s not real. Maybe I just look at it as a prelude to problems, because at some point you will be sorely disappointed. Which is when you will start saying a little prayer that this person will just go away.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p12)
I blame these songs for messing me up, for setting me up to fail. Don’t get me wrong. They are all great songs. I love these songs. They just send the wrong message: A lot of Stevie Wonder, especially “I Believe (When I Fall in Love, It Will Be Forever.”) The whole album that this song is on, Talking Book, pretty much covers the entire trajectory of a relationship. It is amazing, but you are going to want to break out the scotch when you listen to that one. Any of the love songs from West Side Story, but especially “One Hand, One Heart.” So now we all want to be Siamese twins? “My Girl.” Providing sunshine on a cloudy day and some of these other acts of God the Temptations sing about is a lot of pressure to put on someone. Do you really want to take that on and be that guy’s girl?
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 12-14)
I am a huge movie buff, but that shit can mess you up. In a way, popular culture conditions us to find someone who makes us happy which many of us take to mean “Just find someone, whether they make you happy or not. Just find someone or you won’t be considered normal.” That’s why so many people rush into relationships that make no sense.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p16)
An Officer and a Gentleman. Pretty Woman. Fifty Shades of Grey…Footloose. The Enchanted Cottage. Grease. Twilight. Can’t Buy Me Love. The Notebook. (Or any fucking book or movie by Nicholas Sparks.) Then there’s Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind, Maria and Tony in West Side Story. Really? You’re going to die for love after knowing each other for less than twenty-four hours? I love that movie, but come on! “But its true love!” some will say. But it ain’t real, people. It’s a movie.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 19)
While some of us may think we have a soundtrack to our life, none of us gets our own movie soundtrack. This means that we may have songs that have been important to us at times in our life, our history, but none of us has an actual soundtrack playing in the background. In Manhattan, with Woody Allen and Diane Keaton, you hear Gershwin in the background while they are walking down the street. That’s not happening in real life. No one hears fucking Gershwin when they are out walking. You hear, “Honk, honk, move!” You see dogs pooping. You hear people talking loudly on their cell phones. You’re exposed to all that. In the movies, none of that. That should tell you to be really careful in how movies relate to your real life.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p22)
I’ll just put it to you this way: Girl, you’d better know how to do things yourself. You’d better learn how to protect yourself, and don’t start fights you can’t finish. If you want something hung up on the wall, learn how to handle a hammer. You don’t want to wait for somebody to do it for you. That’s not why you want a relationship. If you want somebody to do stuff for you, get a handyman. It’s cheaper, especially if you’re going to divorce him. Handymen don’t want to get in the bed. He’ll just pee in the bathroom, that’s all, and hopefully in the toilet and not the sink, like some men I have known. The only problem you’ll have with him is he won’t put the toilet seat down. But what man does?
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p31)
If you’re not willing to do the work, which requires a bridge, requires you to give and for the other person to give to you, if you’re not willing to hear why he’s upset, if you’re not willing to hear all the things that you need to hear in a relationship, then maybe it’s not for you. That’s why I’m not in one—because I’m really someone who needs to figure out what the cat wants. I spend a lot of time in the cat box.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 39)
If they complete you, they can deconstruct you as well.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 41)
So I say if you think getting married is the be-all and end-all of your life, then you really need to think about why you feel that way. If you’re going to do this and get married, really understand yourself and what it is you think it’s going to do for you. If you’re doing this because you’re lonely, don’t do it. If you’re doing this to prove a point, don’t do it. If you’re doing this to get back at somebody, don’t do it. If you’re doing this because your mother wants you to, don’t do it. If you’re doing this because you figure, “What the hell,” definitely don’t do it. It takes some strength and energy to go against all the cultural expectations, but it takes even more to live a lie, to get divorced, to fight with someone every day, to be confused or unhappy or untrue to yourself.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 44-5)
Believe me, Prince Charming will turn into Darth Vader once you get him into divorce court.
-Whoopi Goldberg (If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” RUN! Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships p 167)
September 26, 2020
First off I want to say that Whoopi isn't just bright and talented, but that if I had to choose the movie moment I find the funniest of all time as defined by it making me laugh just as hard when I watched it for the second time 25 years after seeing it the first time, it's when she was in the phone booth in the movie Jumping Jack Flash. That movie made me want to see others of hers that came out, although I have never seen Ghost, nor have I seen all of her films (But Sister Act and the sequel, of course).
But secondly, I was disappointed with this book. It's not because she doesn't have any good points; there are a number of them. But it is very rambling and often rather redundant, the way you would be in a conversation. As she wrote in the introduction, "The point is, this is what I figured out for me. If it works for you great, and if it doesn't, there is always another book for you somewhere else". She also wrote that she isn't willing to do the things required in a relationship, so if that is what you are like, this book could be for you.
Some of the good points are when she brings up the myth of the perfect relationship and the fact that you should be complete without needing another person to complete you. Her bit about animals who do or don't mate for life wasn't for me simply because a. her bit about lions mating for life was incorrect and b. she didn't put them in the context of how the animal survives in the wild, etc. Also, I side with the biology professors I had who were adamant that you can't extrapolate from animal behaviour to humans (or even from one to another) and whether or not that view has changed, that still makes a great deal of sense to me.
There are some funny parts, of course--this is Whoopi Goldberg, after all--but over all I didn't like it as much as I thought I would.
But secondly, I was disappointed with this book. It's not because she doesn't have any good points; there are a number of them. But it is very rambling and often rather redundant, the way you would be in a conversation. As she wrote in the introduction, "The point is, this is what I figured out for me. If it works for you great, and if it doesn't, there is always another book for you somewhere else". She also wrote that she isn't willing to do the things required in a relationship, so if that is what you are like, this book could be for you.
Some of the good points are when she brings up the myth of the perfect relationship and the fact that you should be complete without needing another person to complete you. Her bit about animals who do or don't mate for life wasn't for me simply because a. her bit about lions mating for life was incorrect and b. she didn't put them in the context of how the animal survives in the wild, etc. Also, I side with the biology professors I had who were adamant that you can't extrapolate from animal behaviour to humans (or even from one to another) and whether or not that view has changed, that still makes a great deal of sense to me.
There are some funny parts, of course--this is Whoopi Goldberg, after all--but over all I didn't like it as much as I thought I would.
November 24, 2021
This book was right up my alley! I laughed, I agreed, I side-eyed, and I chuckled so much in this book, it was great!
Whoopi tells it like it is... as always, but she does it from her own perspective without a single gaze from anyone else. She does not care how anyone feels about her opinions, as she reiterates over and over, that this book is how she runs her life. If you like it, cool. If you don't, cool. She also says in here that she didn't make you buy the book, so... if you didn't like, oh well, it wasn't for you anyways! I love that!
This book is not anti-relationship, or anti-marriage. This book is her thoughts on relationships and marriage, and that you, as a person, should be a whole person before you tie yourself up with another individual. That's it! You can do what you want to, but she feels and strongly believes that no one should 'complete' you. You should complete yourself, and that you should be able to be independent and stand on your own two feet without other people breathing down your neck or dictating what you should or shouldn't do. That's common sense to me.
Whoopi also talks about how important it is to be self-aware of your own deficiencies, faults, quirks, etc. She explains that you absolutely cannot push the responsibility of happiness on someone else. If you are lacking in any way, in any area, it is not someone else's responsibility to fix you or complete those gaping holes. You, as a whole person, should be the responsible party in acknowledging those weak areas and fix them yourself, or go get the therapy you need first before you bring someone else into your shitshow.
I would recommend my daughters to read this book, only to help them understand how important it is to have their own voice about what they want out of life and relationships. Although I can also share my own personal stories, Whoopi does it in such a way that is so relatable, conversational, and humorous that you just have to share this book with a young person to start them off on the right foot. There are some ideas and approaches I would caution with a young adult, but for the most part, she's basically sharing her own personal experiences and letting her readers know that you, as a man or woman, should be self-sufficient and not co-dependent on anyone else to provide you anything. You should be a whole and complete person, knowing how to love yourself and know when situations are not good for you. This is a very practical book that talks about all sorts of issues in a comical, but relatable way, and she doesn't bash you over the head with advice. Whoopi is basically sharing her personal experiences, and what she hears from other people regarding relationships and giving her own take, and that's pretty much it.
Take it for what it's worth. Whenever you get lost in the weeds of a relationship, maybe give this a read/listen to help rebalance you and remember your self-worth. I definitely wish I could've read this as a young adult, it may have saved me some heartache, but you live and you learn, and these lessons are what Whoopi learned over the course of her relationships and the mistakes she made during the times where she was married and divorced 3x.
Just for the record, this book is a bit like a stream of consciousness, and the editing is very loose. There are some grammatical errors in here, that may drive some grammar nazi crazy. Give her a break and just read the damn book for what it is... this is not some academic study on relationships, and she's not a relationship expert. She tells you over and over in this book that the advice she's doling out is what worked for her, and her alone. If you can use anything from the book, great, if you can't fine, pass it on to someone else, but don't go batshit crazy over what she's saying, cause first of all, she ain't make you buy the book or make you read it. This was your idea. Remember that!
Would definitely recommend. 4 stars.
Whoopi tells it like it is... as always, but she does it from her own perspective without a single gaze from anyone else. She does not care how anyone feels about her opinions, as she reiterates over and over, that this book is how she runs her life. If you like it, cool. If you don't, cool. She also says in here that she didn't make you buy the book, so... if you didn't like, oh well, it wasn't for you anyways! I love that!
This book is not anti-relationship, or anti-marriage. This book is her thoughts on relationships and marriage, and that you, as a person, should be a whole person before you tie yourself up with another individual. That's it! You can do what you want to, but she feels and strongly believes that no one should 'complete' you. You should complete yourself, and that you should be able to be independent and stand on your own two feet without other people breathing down your neck or dictating what you should or shouldn't do. That's common sense to me.
Whoopi also talks about how important it is to be self-aware of your own deficiencies, faults, quirks, etc. She explains that you absolutely cannot push the responsibility of happiness on someone else. If you are lacking in any way, in any area, it is not someone else's responsibility to fix you or complete those gaping holes. You, as a whole person, should be the responsible party in acknowledging those weak areas and fix them yourself, or go get the therapy you need first before you bring someone else into your shitshow.
I would recommend my daughters to read this book, only to help them understand how important it is to have their own voice about what they want out of life and relationships. Although I can also share my own personal stories, Whoopi does it in such a way that is so relatable, conversational, and humorous that you just have to share this book with a young person to start them off on the right foot. There are some ideas and approaches I would caution with a young adult, but for the most part, she's basically sharing her own personal experiences and letting her readers know that you, as a man or woman, should be self-sufficient and not co-dependent on anyone else to provide you anything. You should be a whole and complete person, knowing how to love yourself and know when situations are not good for you. This is a very practical book that talks about all sorts of issues in a comical, but relatable way, and she doesn't bash you over the head with advice. Whoopi is basically sharing her personal experiences, and what she hears from other people regarding relationships and giving her own take, and that's pretty much it.
Take it for what it's worth. Whenever you get lost in the weeds of a relationship, maybe give this a read/listen to help rebalance you and remember your self-worth. I definitely wish I could've read this as a young adult, it may have saved me some heartache, but you live and you learn, and these lessons are what Whoopi learned over the course of her relationships and the mistakes she made during the times where she was married and divorced 3x.
Just for the record, this book is a bit like a stream of consciousness, and the editing is very loose. There are some grammatical errors in here, that may drive some grammar nazi crazy. Give her a break and just read the damn book for what it is... this is not some academic study on relationships, and she's not a relationship expert. She tells you over and over in this book that the advice she's doling out is what worked for her, and her alone. If you can use anything from the book, great, if you can't fine, pass it on to someone else, but don't go batshit crazy over what she's saying, cause first of all, she ain't make you buy the book or make you read it. This was your idea. Remember that!
Would definitely recommend. 4 stars.
February 15, 2020
"I complete me" wrote Whoopi Goldberg in this audiobook about relationships, marriage (not right for everyone) and preserving and nurturing your individuality, not expecting your partner to "complete you." I thoroughly enjoyed listening to Whoopi as I battled the snowbanks on the backroads of Vermont. And I don't need to write a review because Phoenix wrote it perfectly. Enjoy!
November 16, 2021
Не знам дали защото обожавам авторката или защото е абсолютно права, но тази книга наистина ми се стори страхотна! 😅 През цялото време имах чувството, че тя седи пред мен и ми разказва, сякаш добронамерен приятел ти дава съвет от опит. Наистина чудесно четиво! 😊
October 5, 2024
If youve talked to me about marriage and fairy tales in the last 5 years you know I could've written this book myself. Still I listened to every word because Whoopi is funnnnnnny.
January 5, 2018
I chose this because I was looking for a fun book. It was pretty fun (for me), but she presents some ideas that are very different than what we’re generally taught to want. The big thing is that she doesn’t think that everyone is meant to be partnered. I think most people are raised to believe that having a partner or spouse is this ideal that we should all be striving for. But Whoopi doesn’t think that’s the case, and uses herself as an example of someone who isn’t meant to be in a relationship. She also presents some reasons to leave relationships, which could come across as a huge downer. When you’re in a bad relationship, I feel like the natural thing is to want to fix it or hope that your partner will change or improve and that you’ll end up with this “happy ever after” that we’re all trained to want, starting when we’re very young. Being told to end the relationship can feel really harsh, even if you know it’s not working.
She focuses a lot on cheating. Like she says over and over that you can’t change another person, and that you need to be upfront with your partner about yourself. I think she assumes a lot more self-awareness than most people actually have. The example she uses a lot is like “I’m a player, so if you’re going to be with me, you have to accept that.” And the other big thing is that the person being told this needs to accept it at face value, and not think “Ok, but I can change them.” I just think people aren’t that honest with themselves! I think that the player wants the security of a partner, so they’re not going to be upfront about being a player. And the other person who wants to be monogs but also really wants to be partnered would be like “well my love can make them be monogamous” and jump in anyway. Maybe I’m being too cynical?
I was hoping for a little bit more about Whoopi’s life, but this book is mostly advice with a few little tidbits about herself thrown in. Like how she thinks it’s good to have some friends who you can go to for a booty call, or as she calls it, a “hit and run.” She uses the term “hit and run” a LOT, lol. She also comes across as a little bit of an old fogey at times, like complaining about how people use their phones so much or how you can’t get to know a person via text, or proclaiming things like “no glove, no love!” I mean, yeah, sure, no glove no love, but it just seems like such a dated phrase. So I thought that was funny, how the book is a combo of radical ideas like “you don’t have to have a partner to have sex” and “damn kids spending so much time on their phones!”
There were definitely funny parts, and it’s a quick read, so I recommend it, but more if you’re looking for validation that not being in a relationship (or that being in a relationship that’s less mainstream) is ok than if you’re looking for a Whoopi Goldberg memoir.
She focuses a lot on cheating. Like she says over and over that you can’t change another person, and that you need to be upfront with your partner about yourself. I think she assumes a lot more self-awareness than most people actually have. The example she uses a lot is like “I’m a player, so if you’re going to be with me, you have to accept that.” And the other big thing is that the person being told this needs to accept it at face value, and not think “Ok, but I can change them.” I just think people aren’t that honest with themselves! I think that the player wants the security of a partner, so they’re not going to be upfront about being a player. And the other person who wants to be monogs but also really wants to be partnered would be like “well my love can make them be monogamous” and jump in anyway. Maybe I’m being too cynical?
I was hoping for a little bit more about Whoopi’s life, but this book is mostly advice with a few little tidbits about herself thrown in. Like how she thinks it’s good to have some friends who you can go to for a booty call, or as she calls it, a “hit and run.” She uses the term “hit and run” a LOT, lol. She also comes across as a little bit of an old fogey at times, like complaining about how people use their phones so much or how you can’t get to know a person via text, or proclaiming things like “no glove, no love!” I mean, yeah, sure, no glove no love, but it just seems like such a dated phrase. So I thought that was funny, how the book is a combo of radical ideas like “you don’t have to have a partner to have sex” and “damn kids spending so much time on their phones!”
There were definitely funny parts, and it’s a quick read, so I recommend it, but more if you’re looking for validation that not being in a relationship (or that being in a relationship that’s less mainstream) is ok than if you’re looking for a Whoopi Goldberg memoir.
January 6, 2020
Цялото ревю: За баба Упи и нейните (анти)любовни постулати
Честно казано, очаквах повече. Очаквах един забавен начин на поднасяне на възгледите на Упи за взаимоотношенията. Очаквах захарен памук, а получих шпек. С който баба Упи налага по главата всички онези безнадеждни романтици, които чакат Принца на бял кон.
С две думи - един практичен реализъм, който донякъде те заземява, но и ламти за независимост. Според Упи едва ли не нямаме нужда от връзки, те само ни затормозяват, камо ли брак. Това си е отживелица.
Разбира се, опитва се да не го казва като ултиматум, но си е доста брутална на моменти. Дори оставам с впечатлението, че отрича любовта. Ама не всичко е цифри, "обади се на приятел, ако толкова искаш секс" и "най-добре си се чувствам сама". От нейната камбанария, като е скачала само от връзка във връзка, може и да ѝ е писнало. Но от моята - аз още си чакам Принца.
Така че много от написаното ми беше като кухо клише, не ми беше забавно, а по-скоро нарицателно и още повече сякаш бе написано от Телец (а всъщност тя е Везни). Изобщо, измъчени 3 звезди за това "конско" на тема отношения.
Честно казано, очаквах повече. Очаквах един забавен начин на поднасяне на възгледите на Упи за взаимоотношенията. Очаквах захарен памук, а получих шпек. С който баба Упи налага по главата всички онези безнадеждни романтици, които чакат Принца на бял кон.
С две думи - един практичен реализъм, който донякъде те заземява, но и ламти за независимост. Според Упи едва ли не нямаме нужда от връзки, те само ни затормозяват, камо ли брак. Това си е отживелица.
Разбира се, опитва се да не го казва като ултиматум, но си е доста брутална на моменти. Дори оставам с впечатлението, че отрича любовта. Ама не всичко е цифри, "обади се на приятел, ако толкова искаш секс" и "най-добре си се чувствам сама". От нейната камбанария, като е скачала само от връзка във връзка, може и да ѝ е писнало. Но от моята - аз още си чакам Принца.
Така че много от написаното ми беше като кухо клише, не ми беше забавно, а по-скоро нарицателно и още повече сякаш бе написано от Телец (а всъщност тя е Везни). Изобщо, измъчени 3 звезди за това "конско" на тема отношения.
June 8, 2016
This book isn't bad--Goldberg actually gives some great advice, some of which others won't say out loud. She says to take lots of time to get to know someone before even thinking about getting serious, to do what's best for you and not to try to meet the image of what's right for others (as well as not trying to get others to conform to what's best for you), and that arguing is sometimes the healthiest you can do in a relationship. These may not seems revolutionary but they are counter-cultural and it's refreshing to hear them from someone of her fame.
However, she says up front that this book isn't going to include stories about her relationships. Bad move. That makes the book just one long rant without context. WHY does she believe these things and what happened in her life to lead her to these conclusions? We'll never know. She also includes too much liberal political correctness, including condemning families on old TV shows when Leave It to Beaver and The Brady Bunch did represent a large portion of society. She also refuses to hold to moral absolutes, which just doesn't work in society. But she overall is much more conservative than she is given credit for.
So it's worth reading but at some point she needs to spill about the relationships that brought her to these conclusions.
However, she says up front that this book isn't going to include stories about her relationships. Bad move. That makes the book just one long rant without context. WHY does she believe these things and what happened in her life to lead her to these conclusions? We'll never know. She also includes too much liberal political correctness, including condemning families on old TV shows when Leave It to Beaver and The Brady Bunch did represent a large portion of society. She also refuses to hold to moral absolutes, which just doesn't work in society. But she overall is much more conservative than she is given credit for.
So it's worth reading but at some point she needs to spill about the relationships that brought her to these conclusions.
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