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Latina/o Sociology
Family Secrets: Stories of Incest and Sexual Violence in Mexico
“My breasts stopped growing when my grandfather touched them,” confides ‘Elisa’, a young woman who recounts the traumatic incest and sexual abuse she experienced in childhood. In Family Secrets, Gloria González-López tells the life stories of 60 men and women in Mexico who, like Elisa, saw their lives irrevocably changed in the wake of childhood and adolescent incest. In Mexico, a patriarchal, religious society where women are expected to make themselves sexually available to men and where same-sex experiences for both men and women bring great shame, incest is easily hidden, seldom discussed, and rarely reported to authorities. Through gripping, emotional narrative, González-López brings the deeply troubling, hidden, and unspoken issues of incest and sexual violence in Mexican families to light.
González-López contends that family and cultural structures in Mexican life enable incest and the culture of silence that surrounds it. She examines the strong bonds of familial obligation between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and elders and youth that, in the case of incest, can morph into sexual obligation; the codes of honor and shame reinforced by tradition and the Church, discouraging openness about sexual violence and trauma; the double standards of morality and stereotypes about sexuality that leave girls and women and gender nonconforming boys and men especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. Together, these cultural factors create a perfect storm for generations upon generations of unspoken incest, a cycle that takes great courage and strength to heal from and overcome. A riveting account, Family Secrets turns a feminist and sociological lens on a disturbing trend that has gone unnoticed for far too long.
González-López contends that family and cultural structures in Mexican life enable incest and the culture of silence that surrounds it. She examines the strong bonds of familial obligation between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and elders and youth that, in the case of incest, can morph into sexual obligation; the codes of honor and shame reinforced by tradition and the Church, discouraging openness about sexual violence and trauma; the double standards of morality and stereotypes about sexuality that leave girls and women and gender nonconforming boys and men especially vulnerable to sexual abuse. Together, these cultural factors create a perfect storm for generations upon generations of unspoken incest, a cycle that takes great courage and strength to heal from and overcome. A riveting account, Family Secrets turns a feminist and sociological lens on a disturbing trend that has gone unnoticed for far too long.
352 pages, Paperback
First published September 11, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
November 26, 2024
A Different Kind Of Plague
I know this will sound incredibly naive, but I always had this belief that incest was largely a U.S. problem and perhaps also an issue in far removed African villages. I mean I did suspect it happened elsewhere but not at all the problem it seems to be in the United States. That is, until I read this book about the issue happening in Mexico where it almost seems as if it's an accepted part of the cultural norm. IF that is the case, the problem of CSA is even worse than I suspected and much more widespread.
I guess I felt that in the U.S. a huge part of the problem is media and society's fascination with sex, the availability of porn since computer access is pretty much everywhere, inadequate punishments for the perpetrators, and the silence that still exists around it. This book explores it from the perspective of another country, a different culture and the laws in that country.
The stories are heartbreaking as one might expect and thankfully, not obscenely detailed but enough to know some of what these kids experienced. I feel the punishment rarely fits the crime in these cases and so often, IF the offenders do time, it isn't enough because they come out and often reoffend. I don't know what the solution is but I know that stigma, silence, blaming the victim or disbelief is not part of it!
While fairly heavy on statistical facts, it indicates in a sense the research the author did and the limitations therein. Sometimes the language can be a barrier with certain words and phrases used but she does do a good job explaining what the words mean so that's helpful.
I know this will sound incredibly naive, but I always had this belief that incest was largely a U.S. problem and perhaps also an issue in far removed African villages. I mean I did suspect it happened elsewhere but not at all the problem it seems to be in the United States. That is, until I read this book about the issue happening in Mexico where it almost seems as if it's an accepted part of the cultural norm. IF that is the case, the problem of CSA is even worse than I suspected and much more widespread.
I guess I felt that in the U.S. a huge part of the problem is media and society's fascination with sex, the availability of porn since computer access is pretty much everywhere, inadequate punishments for the perpetrators, and the silence that still exists around it. This book explores it from the perspective of another country, a different culture and the laws in that country.
The stories are heartbreaking as one might expect and thankfully, not obscenely detailed but enough to know some of what these kids experienced. I feel the punishment rarely fits the crime in these cases and so often, IF the offenders do time, it isn't enough because they come out and often reoffend. I don't know what the solution is but I know that stigma, silence, blaming the victim or disbelief is not part of it!
While fairly heavy on statistical facts, it indicates in a sense the research the author did and the limitations therein. Sometimes the language can be a barrier with certain words and phrases used but she does do a good job explaining what the words mean so that's helpful.
July 2, 2026
I picked up this book because as an asylum lawyer, I have been hearing more and more stories from clients about trauma from childhood sexual abuse and trying to understand the family dynamics around it as well as society's response to it. Gonzalez-Lopez even wonders on the page "could incest and sexual abuse within families be used as grounds for asylum some day?" I think there's a strong argument that the gender dynamics and familial and societal response to victims could meet the definition of persecution. The book was disturbing but sensitively told and illuminating. I came away with many new ideas and also a new understanding about what my clients have been through and I would recommend this book to any other professional working on similar issues.
As a mother of two small children, I also read this with an eye to how to protect them from similar trauma. A few important takeaways were: the importance of being believed especially by a mother (indeed, there were a few stories of girls who suffered terrible violence but were immediately believed and supported by their mothers, and they showed much less long-lasting trauma than others who suffered less violent forms of abuse but were blamed or not believed), the importance of the "democratization of the family" and men's participation as caregivers so that they have the opportunity to develop feelings of "love, concern, and empathy" with children, and the damaging effects of a societal view that "boys will be boys" and that men and boys are entitled to sexual exploration and permissiveness at the expense of others' safety and bodily autonomy.
As a mother of two small children, I also read this with an eye to how to protect them from similar trauma. A few important takeaways were: the importance of being believed especially by a mother (indeed, there were a few stories of girls who suffered terrible violence but were immediately believed and supported by their mothers, and they showed much less long-lasting trauma than others who suffered less violent forms of abuse but were blamed or not believed), the importance of the "democratization of the family" and men's participation as caregivers so that they have the opportunity to develop feelings of "love, concern, and empathy" with children, and the damaging effects of a societal view that "boys will be boys" and that men and boys are entitled to sexual exploration and permissiveness at the expense of others' safety and bodily autonomy.
February 2, 2026
Well. That was a hellish read.
So basically, there is a huge sexual assault and incest problem in Mexico. It may not be the only place though. We know of it, which is better than closed societies that do not report anything. It is derived from patriarchy/the high innate status that people grant men and the desire to have sexual ownership over someone of lower rank than you. It happens with older men and their daughters, nieces, and nephews. Since homophobia is so deeply ingrained in Mexican culture, gay sex is a way of proving that you are not gay and gay sex may come out secretly in the family. Also, there seems to be a repression problem. At one point, a daughter develops bigger boobs than her mom and the dad rapes her and later in life tries to get her to be his sexual partner. In some families, incest is normalized. With “servicing the father” or “you can be sexual with cousins” being casual phrases. Women who manage to escape sometimes suffer massive amounts of harassment, which can be interpreted as sexual terrorism. Sometimes women can heal from this with rapid acknowledgment of the act and quick punishment of the offending party. Unfortunately, this is a rare outcome, as these families tend to save face, protect reputations, and value men more than anything
So basically, there is a huge sexual assault and incest problem in Mexico. It may not be the only place though. We know of it, which is better than closed societies that do not report anything. It is derived from patriarchy/the high innate status that people grant men and the desire to have sexual ownership over someone of lower rank than you. It happens with older men and their daughters, nieces, and nephews. Since homophobia is so deeply ingrained in Mexican culture, gay sex is a way of proving that you are not gay and gay sex may come out secretly in the family. Also, there seems to be a repression problem. At one point, a daughter develops bigger boobs than her mom and the dad rapes her and later in life tries to get her to be his sexual partner. In some families, incest is normalized. With “servicing the father” or “you can be sexual with cousins” being casual phrases. Women who manage to escape sometimes suffer massive amounts of harassment, which can be interpreted as sexual terrorism. Sometimes women can heal from this with rapid acknowledgment of the act and quick punishment of the offending party. Unfortunately, this is a rare outcome, as these families tend to save face, protect reputations, and value men more than anything
April 26, 2021
This was an incredibly difficult read, but there are really valuable contributions in this book, particularly the feminist sociological analysis which contextualizes the family dynamics at play in incestuous families within broader societal structures.
April 24, 2026
big oof
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews