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Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes
“But everyone else has it.” “If you loved me, you’d get it for me!” When you hear these comments from your kids, it can be tough not to cave. You love your children―don’t you want them to be happy and to fit in?
Kristen Welch knows firsthand it’s not that easy. In fact, she’s found out that when you say yes too often, it’s not only hard on your peace of mind and your wallet―it actually puts your kids at long-term risk . In Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World , Kristen shares the ups and downs in her own family’s journey of discovering why it’s healthiest not to give their kids everything. Teaching them the difference between “want” and “need” is the first step in the right direction. With many practical tips and anecdotes, she shares how to say the ultimate yes as a family by bringing up faith-filled kids who will love God, serve others, and grow into hardworking, fulfilled, and successful adults.
It’s never too late to raise grateful kids. Get ready to cultivate a spirit of genuine appreciation and create a Jesus-centered home in which your kids don’t just say―but mean !―“thank you” for everything they have.
Kristen Welch knows firsthand it’s not that easy. In fact, she’s found out that when you say yes too often, it’s not only hard on your peace of mind and your wallet―it actually puts your kids at long-term risk . In Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World , Kristen shares the ups and downs in her own family’s journey of discovering why it’s healthiest not to give their kids everything. Teaching them the difference between “want” and “need” is the first step in the right direction. With many practical tips and anecdotes, she shares how to say the ultimate yes as a family by bringing up faith-filled kids who will love God, serve others, and grow into hardworking, fulfilled, and successful adults.
It’s never too late to raise grateful kids. Get ready to cultivate a spirit of genuine appreciation and create a Jesus-centered home in which your kids don’t just say―but mean !―“thank you” for everything they have.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 12, 2016
1053 people are currently reading
12539 people want to read
About the author
Kristen Welch
12 books85 followersKristen Welch is a mom just like you and me--only funnier. Her blog, “We Are THAT Family” (www.wearethatfamily.com) is read by over 70,000 women a month, who enjoy her often-hilarious, always-honest reflections on motherhood, marriage, and Christian life. In 2010, she went to Kenya as a blogger for Compassion International, and regularly contributes to online magazine Blissfully Domestic and (In)Courage, an inspirational blog for women. She lives in Texas with her husband and three children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 819 reviews
March 9, 2018
Did not finish
I love the idea of this book, but I couldn't get past chapter 2 when she got super judgemental. I'm comfortable reading books with a Christian viewpoint, but not to the extent she is dismissive and judgemental of any information that does not come from her specific religious belief. Yuck.
She actually warned against tolerance??? How about a little gratitude for all our differences?
I love the idea of this book, but I couldn't get past chapter 2 when she got super judgemental. I'm comfortable reading books with a Christian viewpoint, but not to the extent she is dismissive and judgemental of any information that does not come from her specific religious belief. Yuck.
She actually warned against tolerance??? How about a little gratitude for all our differences?
July 17, 2017
I thought this book would be full of practical advice, but instead I found it continually telling me that I should raise my kids to be grateful. Which is like, WHY I picked it up- so why is the author spending so much time trying to convince me?
At the end of each chapter are a few bullet-list ideas of things to do but nothing that's new or overly creative and you had to wade through a LOT of self-righteousness to get there. The author consistently laments over having to raise her kids in a world that doesn't revolve around her beliefs. Talk about an inflated sense of self-importance!
In the end, I finished the book so I could have a complete opinion of it. And my opinion is 1 star.
At the end of each chapter are a few bullet-list ideas of things to do but nothing that's new or overly creative and you had to wade through a LOT of self-righteousness to get there. The author consistently laments over having to raise her kids in a world that doesn't revolve around her beliefs. Talk about an inflated sense of self-importance!
In the end, I finished the book so I could have a complete opinion of it. And my opinion is 1 star.
January 22, 2016
Most every parent wants the best for his or her child. But what happens when this concept is taken too far, and instead of improving their children's lives, parents end up creating entitled tyrants? This is the concept Kristen Welch explores in her new book, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World.
Welch is the writer of the popular blog, We Are THAT Family. In addition to being a good writer, she's honest, funny, approachable and real. Through personal stories, Welch shares her experience of noticing that her children were not appreciative of the material blessings they'd been given in life, and also not learning the value of hard work (typical American kids, right?) Because gratitude is so important to Welch, she is determined that her family will change course. Welch is completely relatable, too. She shares her mistakes and instances where she wishes she could have had a "do-over". In this realm she does not appear "preachy" or like someone who "knows it all". She acknowledges, as we all know, that parenting is the hardest job any of us will love (and sometimes most definitely not love!) to do.
So much of this book resonated with me (other parts did not, which I'll get to in a moment). My kids have opportunities and experiences my husband and I couldn't have dreamed of when we were growing up. We try very hard not to "spoil" them, and it's so important to me that they are grateful for the blessings they have, know the meaning of hard work, and recognize that most people in the world do not live like they do. The book helped me reckon with my own entitlement as well. In addition to stories, Welch includes suggested tips and exercises at the end of each chapter based on a child's age.
I do feel the need to put a disclaimer in this review. Welch is a very conservative Christian. She and her husband have devoted their lives to building a running a women's health care center in Kenya, which shows an amazing generosity of spirit. Christian themes run through this book and it's published by Tyndale, a Christian publisher. Throughout the book, Welch uses several examples of things that are "not all right" -- online pornography, bullying, drug/alcohol use, etc. Most of these are behaviors that parents -- no matter their creed-- would agree with (much like the idea of gratitude and entitlement). However, included with the examples of "not all right" are references to homosexuality. Certainly, many in Welch's core audience will agree with her (however, this is where she and I part company). I fail to see what this even has to do with gratitude and entitlement and think it does nothing but turn people away from it otherwise a great book. I guess this is a sacrifice Welch and Tyndale were willing to make, although I think they would have found a wider audience without the rhetoric.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
Thank you to the author and the publisher for and ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Welch is the writer of the popular blog, We Are THAT Family. In addition to being a good writer, she's honest, funny, approachable and real. Through personal stories, Welch shares her experience of noticing that her children were not appreciative of the material blessings they'd been given in life, and also not learning the value of hard work (typical American kids, right?) Because gratitude is so important to Welch, she is determined that her family will change course. Welch is completely relatable, too. She shares her mistakes and instances where she wishes she could have had a "do-over". In this realm she does not appear "preachy" or like someone who "knows it all". She acknowledges, as we all know, that parenting is the hardest job any of us will love (and sometimes most definitely not love!) to do.
So much of this book resonated with me (other parts did not, which I'll get to in a moment). My kids have opportunities and experiences my husband and I couldn't have dreamed of when we were growing up. We try very hard not to "spoil" them, and it's so important to me that they are grateful for the blessings they have, know the meaning of hard work, and recognize that most people in the world do not live like they do. The book helped me reckon with my own entitlement as well. In addition to stories, Welch includes suggested tips and exercises at the end of each chapter based on a child's age.
I do feel the need to put a disclaimer in this review. Welch is a very conservative Christian. She and her husband have devoted their lives to building a running a women's health care center in Kenya, which shows an amazing generosity of spirit. Christian themes run through this book and it's published by Tyndale, a Christian publisher. Throughout the book, Welch uses several examples of things that are "not all right" -- online pornography, bullying, drug/alcohol use, etc. Most of these are behaviors that parents -- no matter their creed-- would agree with (much like the idea of gratitude and entitlement). However, included with the examples of "not all right" are references to homosexuality. Certainly, many in Welch's core audience will agree with her (however, this is where she and I part company). I fail to see what this even has to do with gratitude and entitlement and think it does nothing but turn people away from it otherwise a great book. I guess this is a sacrifice Welch and Tyndale were willing to make, although I think they would have found a wider audience without the rhetoric.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
Thank you to the author and the publisher for and ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
August 10, 2023
I was out at “it’s hard to find tv shows and books without same sex couples in them these days.” Barf. This author has absolutely no education in psychology or child development. Her book is based on her staunch Christian beliefs and her romanticism of “the good old days” in America. You know- the ones with racism and bigotry? Yeah, those.
If you’d like to read a book on raising well rounded, gracious children, I recommend Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.
If you’d like to read a book on raising well rounded, gracious children, I recommend Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.
September 26, 2017
I can't. The only valuable part of this book was me trying to come up with any examples that agreed with her "absolute truth". She turned grateful children into conservative Christian children.
I am all for religious parenting books. This was just way too much for me.
I am all for religious parenting books. This was just way too much for me.
May 5, 2016
I couldn't really relate to a lot of the content of this book because the authors children attend public school and have surprisingly more struggles with entitlement then my own home educated children, but it definitely got me prayerfully thinking about how to cultivate more of a heart of contentment and thankfulness in my children. It was quick and enjoyable to read.
June 20, 2017
Couldn't finish this book, the author seemed very close minded in her opinions, abortions and transgender, and I only made it through Chapter 2...👎🏻
January 15, 2016
Grateful Parents: Grateful Kids
Finally, about ten years ago, the light began to dawn, and you can’t imagine how disappointed I was. I realized that parenting is not a cause and effect proposition. It’s not a vending machine in which I insert my actions (seizing teachable moments, training in character, consistency in discipline) and then am rewarded by equal and corresponding reactions (obedience, respect, good behavior).
I’m a slow learner, so this was earth-shattering for me, but . . .
Having said that, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch reminds me that if I want my children to appreciate their blessings and to operate out of gratitude rather than entitlement, I had better be modeling the right heart attitude myself.
In the Great Balancing Act called parenting, we are at war against three words: “Is that all?” In ourselves, in our kids, Western culture exacerbates our entrenched selfishness in everything from “ice cream servings to allowances.” “Enough” is never enough.
Kristen is writing from the trenches of raising three kids, and so the tone of Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World is NOT “we have arrived and here’s how your kids can ooze gratitude like our perfect children do.” She comes alongside her readers with humble offerings: “Here’s what we’re doing. Here’s what others have tried, and that’s great, too.” Kristen’s perspective is derived from the knowledge that parents who are willing to fight against the prevailing culture and for an attitude of thankfulness in their children will feel as if they are swimming upstream.
My oldest son talked early — and often — so I can still hear his husky toddler voice saying, “There’s a difference between a need and a want.” To me! Even so, one need that is common to all kids is their parents’ love, and ironically, in our culture of possessions and privileges, it is common to find children who are sadly lacking in that need while every want is speedily fulfilled.
No one sets out with a goal of “spoiling” her children, but little daily choices that arise from incorrect thinking accomplish the task over time. Kristen unmasks some of these:
1. We want our kids to be our friends.
2. We’re afraid to say no because of the fallout (slammed doors, tears, eye rolling, shouting).
3.We feel guilty about our circumstances and try to compensate with permissiveness.
4.We are busy. We eat fast food on the way to one of Junior’s three different soccer league practices, take on an extra job to pay for a Disneyland vacation, and don’t have time for the slow work of eyeball to eyeball interaction in which we pass on our values.
5.We don’t want them to fail, so we make things “easy” for them.
6.We don’t want them to feel left out, so we cave to the “everyone else” argument.
7.We don’t want them to be unhappy.
It is not for nothing, then, that Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World provides an end-of-each-chapter assortment of age-related hints for going against the flow.
For parents:
“Put a plan in place. Decide in advance what you will say ‘yes’ to.”
For toddlers:
“Make cookies together. You may eat one for your effort, and then give the rest away to brighten someone’s day. Teach your children that we don’t have to keep everything for ourselves.”
For elementary age:
“Clean out closets and drawers, and instead of giving away only things that they won’t miss, urge your kids to include something they really love to share with someone else.”
For tweens/teens:
“It may seem to your son or daughter as if she’s the only one in her class or he’s the only one in his grade or on this planet who isn’t fitting in or keeping up. But if we are going to compare ourselves to others, let’s also compare ourselves to kids who live in poverty.”
The award for most practical feature goes to the chapter called “Making Smart Choices about Technology” with its related idea of a cell phone contract.
Central to all this intentionality and hard work is the goal of introducing kids to the freedom of self-discipline; to the security that comes from seeing parents follow through on their principles; and the self-confidence that can only come to kids who have been allowed to “struggle” a bit and then to solve their own problem before a parent comes swooping in to rob them of the privilege. We must love our children enough to make the hard choices that lead to a lifestyle of gratitude.
This book was provided by Tyndale Momentum, an imprint of Tyndale House Publishing, in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Finally, about ten years ago, the light began to dawn, and you can’t imagine how disappointed I was. I realized that parenting is not a cause and effect proposition. It’s not a vending machine in which I insert my actions (seizing teachable moments, training in character, consistency in discipline) and then am rewarded by equal and corresponding reactions (obedience, respect, good behavior).
I’m a slow learner, so this was earth-shattering for me, but . . .
Having said that, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch reminds me that if I want my children to appreciate their blessings and to operate out of gratitude rather than entitlement, I had better be modeling the right heart attitude myself.
In the Great Balancing Act called parenting, we are at war against three words: “Is that all?” In ourselves, in our kids, Western culture exacerbates our entrenched selfishness in everything from “ice cream servings to allowances.” “Enough” is never enough.
Kristen is writing from the trenches of raising three kids, and so the tone of Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World is NOT “we have arrived and here’s how your kids can ooze gratitude like our perfect children do.” She comes alongside her readers with humble offerings: “Here’s what we’re doing. Here’s what others have tried, and that’s great, too.” Kristen’s perspective is derived from the knowledge that parents who are willing to fight against the prevailing culture and for an attitude of thankfulness in their children will feel as if they are swimming upstream.
My oldest son talked early — and often — so I can still hear his husky toddler voice saying, “There’s a difference between a need and a want.” To me! Even so, one need that is common to all kids is their parents’ love, and ironically, in our culture of possessions and privileges, it is common to find children who are sadly lacking in that need while every want is speedily fulfilled.
No one sets out with a goal of “spoiling” her children, but little daily choices that arise from incorrect thinking accomplish the task over time. Kristen unmasks some of these:
1. We want our kids to be our friends.
2. We’re afraid to say no because of the fallout (slammed doors, tears, eye rolling, shouting).
3.We feel guilty about our circumstances and try to compensate with permissiveness.
4.We are busy. We eat fast food on the way to one of Junior’s three different soccer league practices, take on an extra job to pay for a Disneyland vacation, and don’t have time for the slow work of eyeball to eyeball interaction in which we pass on our values.
5.We don’t want them to fail, so we make things “easy” for them.
6.We don’t want them to feel left out, so we cave to the “everyone else” argument.
7.We don’t want them to be unhappy.
It is not for nothing, then, that Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World provides an end-of-each-chapter assortment of age-related hints for going against the flow.
For parents:
“Put a plan in place. Decide in advance what you will say ‘yes’ to.”
For toddlers:
“Make cookies together. You may eat one for your effort, and then give the rest away to brighten someone’s day. Teach your children that we don’t have to keep everything for ourselves.”
For elementary age:
“Clean out closets and drawers, and instead of giving away only things that they won’t miss, urge your kids to include something they really love to share with someone else.”
For tweens/teens:
“It may seem to your son or daughter as if she’s the only one in her class or he’s the only one in his grade or on this planet who isn’t fitting in or keeping up. But if we are going to compare ourselves to others, let’s also compare ourselves to kids who live in poverty.”
The award for most practical feature goes to the chapter called “Making Smart Choices about Technology” with its related idea of a cell phone contract.
Central to all this intentionality and hard work is the goal of introducing kids to the freedom of self-discipline; to the security that comes from seeing parents follow through on their principles; and the self-confidence that can only come to kids who have been allowed to “struggle” a bit and then to solve their own problem before a parent comes swooping in to rob them of the privilege. We must love our children enough to make the hard choices that lead to a lifestyle of gratitude.
This book was provided by Tyndale Momentum, an imprint of Tyndale House Publishing, in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
May 9, 2017
This book was not what I expected. I did not get a lot of information out of it. It was very churchy and I could not relate to their children.
July 19, 2016
I leapfrogged into this book from another book that mentioned it. I was captured by the title.
There were some really helpful practical ideas in this book. Welch includes a section at the end of each chapter where she summarises key ideas for parents, toddlers, young children and teens. In these sections there are nuggets of gold. For instance, as a family, Welch recommends a gratitude journal or box, where family members enter what they are grateful for. These can then be pulled out at a later date and discussed. She suggests limiting gifts and 'gimmes' (for example at Christmas), and making cookies for others rather than for the family so that children learn the joy of giving. Another interesting practical idea is having simple Monday night dinners of rice and beans to help give our families a dose of perspective - a reminder of how much of the world eats every night.
Another highlight for me was her section on the dangers of a child-centred home. Welch demonstrates the dangers of this arrangement. It teaches kids to expect more of others and less of themselves, it reinforces selfishness, narrows a child's perspective and inhibits awareness of others.
As a father of four young children who have not yet entered the world of technology, I found the chapter on making smart choices about technology helpful. Sensible and practical ideas in this section included no devices at the dinner table, a weekly no-media day, no electronic devices in the bedroom after 9:00, parental authority to read any messages children get and no online interaction with people you don't know.
One final area which I found helpful was the importance of teaching the value of money and work. Welch believes that parents should make work part of the family routine. Her teenagers are responsible for doing their own washing, and she connects work done to money or a 'salary' for her children.
I have to go against the trend of 5 star reviews, because while this book contained some really good practical advice, I could not say it was 'amazing'. It wasn't. I found that many of the headings (chapter / section) were misleading in that they didn't accurately capture what the chapter / section was about. It felt at times like the author wanted to fit a story in, and wasn't quite sure where to put it. One example (among a number of others) is chapter 6 which is entitled 'Cultivating Obedience', but which had a lengthy section on working on 'cleanup areas' in parenting which had little or nothing to do with cultivating obedience.
There were some really helpful practical ideas in this book. Welch includes a section at the end of each chapter where she summarises key ideas for parents, toddlers, young children and teens. In these sections there are nuggets of gold. For instance, as a family, Welch recommends a gratitude journal or box, where family members enter what they are grateful for. These can then be pulled out at a later date and discussed. She suggests limiting gifts and 'gimmes' (for example at Christmas), and making cookies for others rather than for the family so that children learn the joy of giving. Another interesting practical idea is having simple Monday night dinners of rice and beans to help give our families a dose of perspective - a reminder of how much of the world eats every night.
Another highlight for me was her section on the dangers of a child-centred home. Welch demonstrates the dangers of this arrangement. It teaches kids to expect more of others and less of themselves, it reinforces selfishness, narrows a child's perspective and inhibits awareness of others.
As a father of four young children who have not yet entered the world of technology, I found the chapter on making smart choices about technology helpful. Sensible and practical ideas in this section included no devices at the dinner table, a weekly no-media day, no electronic devices in the bedroom after 9:00, parental authority to read any messages children get and no online interaction with people you don't know.
One final area which I found helpful was the importance of teaching the value of money and work. Welch believes that parents should make work part of the family routine. Her teenagers are responsible for doing their own washing, and she connects work done to money or a 'salary' for her children.
I have to go against the trend of 5 star reviews, because while this book contained some really good practical advice, I could not say it was 'amazing'. It wasn't. I found that many of the headings (chapter / section) were misleading in that they didn't accurately capture what the chapter / section was about. It felt at times like the author wanted to fit a story in, and wasn't quite sure where to put it. One example (among a number of others) is chapter 6 which is entitled 'Cultivating Obedience', but which had a lengthy section on working on 'cleanup areas' in parenting which had little or nothing to do with cultivating obedience.
October 31, 2016
This is a great book! It applies to kids of all ages and it is backed up with biblical principles.
June 11, 2024
DNF …. I did the audio and I turned it off the second they started saying that being in another country and seeing how they lived was a life lesson to be grateful for what they have in America 🤮
Please learn how to be grateful without comparing yourself to other people.
My friend said it better “It’s the putting the child on a pedestal, and silently ingraining in them that they are “better than.” It’s not teaching true gratitude, it’s teaching “thank god that’s not me””
Please learn how to be grateful without comparing yourself to other people.
My friend said it better “It’s the putting the child on a pedestal, and silently ingraining in them that they are “better than.” It’s not teaching true gratitude, it’s teaching “thank god that’s not me””
September 5, 2024
A must-read for Christian parents in this day and age. Super convicted by this quote - “Entitlement didn’t start with my kids. It started with me. I entitled them because I was entitled.”
June 26, 2019
I almost didn’t finish the book, especially when I got to chapter 2 and pretty much heard that all kids will be doomed if they are not raised as Christians.
This book was awful. It was a long blog post where the author just flat out judged others and basically condemned tolerance and says that taboo topics are now acceptable. Like really? Do you think sex before marriage didn’t happen before?? Or that it only started happening just now that there are reality shows?
The tittle is totally misleading and even though the first few pages caught my attention, I honestly cannot say that the book helped me in any way... well, if chores roulette counts I guess I did get something from it
At some point she talked about how one of her kids volunteered to serve food in a homeless shelter and also volunteered at a daycare for unprivileged families and she came home dirty and tired. WHAT? What does coming home dirty has to do with raising grateful kids? Was she trying to imply homeless people are dirty? Are unprivileged kids dirty?
I do share her views when it comes to cellphone use but I totally disagree when it comes to sheltering kids to the extend she describes. I believe kids need to know people don’t always have the best intentions and to recognize when things are putting them in danger. As parents we need to talk to them, and I feel her philosophy is just out of sight, out of mind when it comes to pornography for example, when in reality kids need to know that what they show on those movies is not real and explain them why is not healthy, why once you search for those terms online you will see things you cannot be unseen but not shame them for feeling things and being curious.
I am not even going to touch on the “we give a lump sum” but we don’t call it allowance...
Very disappointed with this book, It did not live up to its own tittle.
This book was awful. It was a long blog post where the author just flat out judged others and basically condemned tolerance and says that taboo topics are now acceptable. Like really? Do you think sex before marriage didn’t happen before?? Or that it only started happening just now that there are reality shows?
The tittle is totally misleading and even though the first few pages caught my attention, I honestly cannot say that the book helped me in any way... well, if chores roulette counts I guess I did get something from it
At some point she talked about how one of her kids volunteered to serve food in a homeless shelter and also volunteered at a daycare for unprivileged families and she came home dirty and tired. WHAT? What does coming home dirty has to do with raising grateful kids? Was she trying to imply homeless people are dirty? Are unprivileged kids dirty?
I do share her views when it comes to cellphone use but I totally disagree when it comes to sheltering kids to the extend she describes. I believe kids need to know people don’t always have the best intentions and to recognize when things are putting them in danger. As parents we need to talk to them, and I feel her philosophy is just out of sight, out of mind when it comes to pornography for example, when in reality kids need to know that what they show on those movies is not real and explain them why is not healthy, why once you search for those terms online you will see things you cannot be unseen but not shame them for feeling things and being curious.
I am not even going to touch on the “we give a lump sum” but we don’t call it allowance...
Very disappointed with this book, It did not live up to its own tittle.
June 1, 2016
A must-read for today's Christian parent! I knew this book was going to be good from the very first chapter, because it called me to task on things that I needed to change. Me - the parent. Not just my kids! And these are hard things to do because so much of what goes into raising grateful children flies in the face of what our society expects us to do. The tasks aren't easy, but the stakes couldn't be any higher. If you want to start down the path toward raising grateful, empowered, generous and self-sufficient children in a Christ-centered household, do them a favor and pick up this book!
January 20, 2019
Less of a parenting book, and more of an excuse to make anti-abortion, anti-pornography, super christian, super conservative argument. More folksy than fact. Skip.
January 28, 2024
From cover to cover, this book is GOLD. Convicting, encouraging, challenging and practical. Really enjoyed the narrator for the audiobook as well.
March 18, 2023
This is a rehashing of Love and Logic with a conservative Christian agenda. I probably could have stomached the continual God references but being overtly anti-homosexual was a deal breaker. Im not sure how her views on abortion, homosexuality, or transgender even fit into a book about gratitude. Instead of mining for an iota of info here, it’s just easier to read a different book.
Her lecturing is pervasive. Chapter 2 is particularly difficult (she tells us right from wrong) and the obedience chapter is all about fear of God, but the references are throughout every chapter. One example: "Ask God to reveal to you your own entitlement issues." Huh. What about “reflect and identify your own entitlement issues” instead? Talk about not taking ownership.
And this gem of a tip for parents: “The most powerful thing we can do is pray. When you give your burdens to God and ask Him for wisdom, He is faithful to supply it.” I was thinking more practical parenting tips…
Reminds me of that garbage book “Parenting the Strong Willed Child” (by the uber Christian Focus on the Family homophobe) when he says one of the best techniques is Laying On of Hands. Give me a cussing break.
Her lecturing is pervasive. Chapter 2 is particularly difficult (she tells us right from wrong) and the obedience chapter is all about fear of God, but the references are throughout every chapter. One example: "Ask God to reveal to you your own entitlement issues." Huh. What about “reflect and identify your own entitlement issues” instead? Talk about not taking ownership.
And this gem of a tip for parents: “The most powerful thing we can do is pray. When you give your burdens to God and ask Him for wisdom, He is faithful to supply it.” I was thinking more practical parenting tips…
Reminds me of that garbage book “Parenting the Strong Willed Child” (by the uber Christian Focus on the Family homophobe) when he says one of the best techniques is Laying On of Hands. Give me a cussing break.
February 22, 2018
So many red flags. I couldn't get past the first chapter. Her views on same sex couples and transgender so ridiculous. 1) why are these even in a book about raising children? 2) WHO CARES?!
Over the top, closed mind Christian. No thank you.
Over the top, closed mind Christian. No thank you.
December 24, 2017
In the car ride home from Kunming yesterday, our kids started complaining about which movie to watch first. Or a couple weeks ago, our eldest started asking when he was going to get an iPad to play games like all his other friends.
Entitlement is a big issue in nearly every family nowadays. I appreciate the author taking time to explain that she is not perfect, but here are many practical steps she took with her family to turn "entitled" kids into grateful kids.
This book is gold! I'll leave you with a few of my favorite highlights...
-----------------------
Excerpts:
Instead of happiness being a by-product of the life we live, it has become an elusive destination. And our culture is obsessed with pursuing it.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, loc. 130-131
I find myself at the center of this problem as I try, with my wife, to balance the two major tasks of parenting: showing our kids that we love them and raising them with the skills and values they’ll need to be emotionally healthy adults, which often requires that we act in ways that can anger and upset them.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, loc. 138-140
When we try to protect our kids from unhappiness, we make life down the road harder for them. It can be summed up in one word —entitlement.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, loc. 142-143
We often buy things not so much because we need them, but because we feel like we deserve them. We work hard; we owe it to ourselves. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in this way of thinking.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 4, loc. 203-204
Or there’s the definition Terrell heard on the radio years ago that he’s never forgotten: The American Dream is getting all you can. Canning all you can get. Sitting on the can so nobody can get what you can.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 6, loc. 225-227
Entitlement didn’t start with my kids. It began with me. I entitled them because I was entitled.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 10, loc. 274-275
And as uncomfortable as it sounds, parents who want less-entitled kids have to be less entitled themselves, and parents who want to raise more grateful kids need to start by living more grateful lives.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 11, loc. 285-287
Early on, we chose not to allow our kids to interact on social media until they entered high school. Even after they were allowed to open accounts, we didn’t encourage it and monitored their involvement. I think our resistance impacted them, and they are selective about social media.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 14, loc. 331-333
It might sound simplistic, but I believe the cure to our kids wanting more starts with teaching them to be thankful for what they already have.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 18, loc. 378-379
But Terrell cautioned me that while it was uncomfortable to hear our firstborn ask hard questions, they weren’t mine to answer. I knew in my heart we had to let her figure them out for herself. It was tempting to tell her what to think and what to believe just because it’s what her dad and I believe. But I knew if we allowed her to struggle with her questions and gave her freedom to ask them, she would become stronger in her beliefs in the end.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 33, loc. 549-552
Don’t think for a minute that intentional living equals holiness. It really just means we are aiming for
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 33, loc. 561-562
Don’t think for a minute that intentional living equals holiness. It really just means we are aiming for the stars but lucky if we hit a street lamp.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 33, loc. 561-562
Instead, Pratico and Van Pelt come to a startling conclusion. Parents, if you train up your child “according to his way” —in other words, if you quit the hard work of loving discipline and just give in and let your child have his own way —you will reinforce his sinful proclivities to such a degree that, apart from supernatural intervention, “even when is old he will not depart from it.”[19] Profound, isn’t it? This verse, say the authors, is actually warning parents against doing something they should not do: “train up a child in his way.” This was revolutionary and enlightening to me. As I began to process what that meant, I picked up the second article, one from Bibliotheca Sacra, which confirmed what I had just read. “Train a child according to his evil inclinations and he will continue in his evil way throughout his life.” . . . It says, in other words, not “Here’s the good result that you can count on when you give a child proper parental guidance,” but “Here’s the bad result that may happen if you don’t give a child proper parental guidance, but let him do what he wants.”[20] Pratico adds, As desirable as such a promise [offered by the more common interpretation] would be, experience contradicts it far too often to be attributable solely to deficient parenting. Indeed, in spite of the best parenting in the universe, namely God’s own, many of his children departed from the way they should have gone, and they continued in their rebellion to the bitter end (cf. Isaiah 1:2 “I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me”).[21]
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 34, loc. 575-590
Proverbs assures us that our responsibility is to faithfully do our part to explain the truth, and the rest is up to our child. Each person must individually make the choice to follow Jesus. And while it may grieve us deeply when this doesn’t happen, we can hold firmly to the knowledge that we obeyed God and followed through on our responsibilities. And we can find great comfort in knowing that God loves our children even more than we do and He will continue to pursue them.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 36, loc. 596-599
Here’s the truth: Kids often choose the wrong path and learn things the hard way. Sure, they could avoid pain and heartache if they would just listen to us, but this is part of growing up. At some point we have to let them. God often uses mistakes, wayward choices, and brokenness to bring redemption. We have to entrust our children to Him and pray they ultimately choose Him, as Joseph did. My kids love to read,
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 36, loc. 600-603
Sometimes I think we parents are so focused on saying no and following all the rules to raise great kids that we miss the opportunity for an important conversation on why we say no.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 37, loc. 605-607
And I told her that day that I don’t know how my kids are going to turn out. I don’t know if one of them will make really bad choices and lead a life I wouldn’t choose for him or her. I can’t predict what will happen. I know that I am teaching them truth according to God’s Word and loving them the best way I can by thoughtfully guiding and encouraging them, but I also have to let them make their own decisions and pray they find Jesus in their successes or failures. And friends, that’s all we can do.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 39, loc. 629-633
Visiting an orphan-led home in Kenya just weeks before had turned my life upside down. That’s where I met Vincent. I will never forget standing in Vincent’s home, which was the size of my master closet. Water dripped on my head in the dark room as he lit a candle and explained how he walked an hour to school each way and cared for his little brother because his parents were both dead. As he told us about his life, he smiled from ear to ear with joy. “How can you be so happy?” I asked as I looked around at all he didn’t have. “I have Jesus. He is enough,” he answered confidently. His answer was my undoing. Because I had Jesus, too, but He wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more —more money, more stuff, more to fill the emptiness.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 47, loc. 688-694
Sometimes the best way to help our kids is to not help them. They often become resourceful and responsible when we simply let them.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 56, loc. 808-809
Kids’ temporary unhappiness —learning to submit to authority and obedience —is worth it if it produces future adults who love God and others.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 59, loc. 834-836
The concept is that . . . denying yourself the excess that you may ultimately desire may allow you to savor and appreciate the finer things in life. . . . A more extreme but scientifically proven means of increasing the happiness you derive from your money is a bit more radical —not spending it on yourself. It turns out that people who spend money on others rather than themselves are actually happier in the long run. They derive a greater feeling of reward and satisfaction and this helps to enrich their inner feelings of sharing and contentment. So instead of buying that extra watch or TV the next time you have some new found money, consider the alternative: indulging less and offering others the opportunity to share in your wealth.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 60, loc. 855-861
When we give our kids everything they want or bend the rules to make them happy, we are failing to train
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 64, loc. 899-899
When we give our kids everything they want or bend the rules to make them happy, we are failing to train them to face the ups and downs of life.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 64, loc. 899-900
Our children need to be bored. They need to kick their feet and wait outside of bathroom doors, unanswered. They need to be sent outside or to their rooms to play. They need to turn over the bag of tricks and find it empty. Because that’s when they will discover they don’t need stuff to fill their time. They don’t need a plan for entertainment. They can create their own. And when they do, that’s when summer turns magical.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 74, loc. 1025-1028
For many years, our family lived a good, often intentional life inside our four walls. We focused on ourselves —what we needed, what we loved, what we wanted. We spent time together, reading the Bible, playing games, focusing on our little family. I think taking care of your family, dreaming a little, splurging at times is great, but when that’s all we do, we are creating a self-awareness void. The best way to fill that empty place is by serving others. It could be finding a way to serve as a family at a local nonprofit or taking a meal to a new neighbor or passing out blankets to the homeless. Whenever we do something for others, it’s in our nature to see life through a new lens —theirs. It’s hard to walk away from someone in need and be the same person you were before you met.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 81, loc. 1119-1125
When we have everything, we are thankful for nothing. When we have nothing, we are thankful for everything. Sometimes
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 83, loc. 1136-1137
“Honey, years ago, you had to type in bad words to find bad things on the Internet. But that’s changed. Now these bad things —from spam to pornography to child predators —look for you.”
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 96, loc. 1307-1310
Tedd Tripp, the author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart, cuts parents some slack. During times of failure . . . , your teens need positive interaction. You need to keep your eye on the goals you have for your children. They need Mom and Dad to be constructive and creative. You need to have a proper sense of proportion, remembering that your child is worth much more than a car [or something else they have wrecked or ruined]. . . . What I have in view is parental interaction that is full of hope and courage. This interaction is able to turn a fiasco into an opportunity to learn and go forward.[59] There must be a healthy balance in our parenting. We can’t offer too much grace and not enough discipline or vice versa. I love this comment from my parenting poll: “Sometimes I feel bad because the follow-through is difficult, consistency is difficult, and requiring it of myself feels like a sacrifice, but when I do say no (in their best interests), usually the lesson is worth learning. Both for them and for me!”
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 117, loc. 1535-1543
Guest at every meal, the Silent Listener to every conversation.”[68] When Terrell and I were youth pastors, we got a call at nine o’clock one evening from a family in our church. The parents were having a crisis with one of their teens and asked if we would come over. Our two-year-old marriage and Bible school degree didn’t prepare us for what we were about to walk into. I’ll never forget stepping into that tense situation with a sixteen-year-old rebellious daughter standing on the stairs with bags packed. Her parents had told her she would have to
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 132, loc. 1721-1726
Focus on the Family breaks their definition of a Christ-centered home into six parts. Joy is characteristic of a truly Christian home. . . . A Christian home is orderly. As the apostle Paul says, “God is not the author of confusion but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33). . . . A Christ-centered home should be marked by grace [and be] a place of service. A Christ-centered home is a place where the spiritual disciplines are practiced. . . . Finally, a Christian home is based on God’s purposes for every member of the household.[73] I couldn’t agree more! Let’s
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 137, loc. 1780-1786
When our children are small, we can physically control them. We can keep them out of danger with a baby gate and put them in the confines of a crib. As they grow, our physical control lessens and we begin using our authority to teach them obedience by giving consequences and praise. Once kids hit the tween and teen years, our authority should begin to lessen while our influence grows.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 141, loc. 1842-1844
I love how Tedd Tripp identifies the three stages of child development in Shepherding a Child’s Heart: Ages 0 to 5: focus is establishing biblical authority Ages 5 to 12: focus is on the development of godly character Ages 12 and beyond: focus is on internalization of the gospel[78]
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 143, loc. 1863-1866
“Our job as parents is to raise our kids to be responsible adults so they can discern good from evil, beauty from ugliness, and truth from error.”
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 145, loc. 1893-1894
would give anything to go back and change what transpired if I could. But I learned something valuable from it: “Winning” a fight with our kids only makes two losers. We have the opportunity to patiently walk with them through their pain and try to understand the root of their attitude or negative behavior. But we have to take it.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 175, loc. 2225-2227
One of the most impactful tools we’ve learned (when someone is upset or there’s an argument) is to ask the person we are disagreeing with, “What do you need from me right now?” Sometimes it’s the best way to get to the root of the problem. I have discovered over and over, my kids and my husband need something different from what I’m offering. Often they’re not asking for my opinion or for me to fix their problem; they want me to listen or they just need a hug.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 175, loc. 2237-2240
Entitlement is a big issue in nearly every family nowadays. I appreciate the author taking time to explain that she is not perfect, but here are many practical steps she took with her family to turn "entitled" kids into grateful kids.
This book is gold! I'll leave you with a few of my favorite highlights...
-----------------------
Excerpts:
Instead of happiness being a by-product of the life we live, it has become an elusive destination. And our culture is obsessed with pursuing it.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, loc. 130-131
I find myself at the center of this problem as I try, with my wife, to balance the two major tasks of parenting: showing our kids that we love them and raising them with the skills and values they’ll need to be emotionally healthy adults, which often requires that we act in ways that can anger and upset them.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, loc. 138-140
When we try to protect our kids from unhappiness, we make life down the road harder for them. It can be summed up in one word —entitlement.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, loc. 142-143
We often buy things not so much because we need them, but because we feel like we deserve them. We work hard; we owe it to ourselves. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in this way of thinking.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 4, loc. 203-204
Or there’s the definition Terrell heard on the radio years ago that he’s never forgotten: The American Dream is getting all you can. Canning all you can get. Sitting on the can so nobody can get what you can.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 6, loc. 225-227
Entitlement didn’t start with my kids. It began with me. I entitled them because I was entitled.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 10, loc. 274-275
And as uncomfortable as it sounds, parents who want less-entitled kids have to be less entitled themselves, and parents who want to raise more grateful kids need to start by living more grateful lives.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 11, loc. 285-287
Early on, we chose not to allow our kids to interact on social media until they entered high school. Even after they were allowed to open accounts, we didn’t encourage it and monitored their involvement. I think our resistance impacted them, and they are selective about social media.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 14, loc. 331-333
It might sound simplistic, but I believe the cure to our kids wanting more starts with teaching them to be thankful for what they already have.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 18, loc. 378-379
But Terrell cautioned me that while it was uncomfortable to hear our firstborn ask hard questions, they weren’t mine to answer. I knew in my heart we had to let her figure them out for herself. It was tempting to tell her what to think and what to believe just because it’s what her dad and I believe. But I knew if we allowed her to struggle with her questions and gave her freedom to ask them, she would become stronger in her beliefs in the end.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 33, loc. 549-552
Don’t think for a minute that intentional living equals holiness. It really just means we are aiming for
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 33, loc. 561-562
Don’t think for a minute that intentional living equals holiness. It really just means we are aiming for the stars but lucky if we hit a street lamp.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 33, loc. 561-562
Instead, Pratico and Van Pelt come to a startling conclusion. Parents, if you train up your child “according to his way” —in other words, if you quit the hard work of loving discipline and just give in and let your child have his own way —you will reinforce his sinful proclivities to such a degree that, apart from supernatural intervention, “even when is old he will not depart from it.”[19] Profound, isn’t it? This verse, say the authors, is actually warning parents against doing something they should not do: “train up a child in his way.” This was revolutionary and enlightening to me. As I began to process what that meant, I picked up the second article, one from Bibliotheca Sacra, which confirmed what I had just read. “Train a child according to his evil inclinations and he will continue in his evil way throughout his life.” . . . It says, in other words, not “Here’s the good result that you can count on when you give a child proper parental guidance,” but “Here’s the bad result that may happen if you don’t give a child proper parental guidance, but let him do what he wants.”[20] Pratico adds, As desirable as such a promise [offered by the more common interpretation] would be, experience contradicts it far too often to be attributable solely to deficient parenting. Indeed, in spite of the best parenting in the universe, namely God’s own, many of his children departed from the way they should have gone, and they continued in their rebellion to the bitter end (cf. Isaiah 1:2 “I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me”).[21]
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 34, loc. 575-590
Proverbs assures us that our responsibility is to faithfully do our part to explain the truth, and the rest is up to our child. Each person must individually make the choice to follow Jesus. And while it may grieve us deeply when this doesn’t happen, we can hold firmly to the knowledge that we obeyed God and followed through on our responsibilities. And we can find great comfort in knowing that God loves our children even more than we do and He will continue to pursue them.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 36, loc. 596-599
Here’s the truth: Kids often choose the wrong path and learn things the hard way. Sure, they could avoid pain and heartache if they would just listen to us, but this is part of growing up. At some point we have to let them. God often uses mistakes, wayward choices, and brokenness to bring redemption. We have to entrust our children to Him and pray they ultimately choose Him, as Joseph did. My kids love to read,
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 36, loc. 600-603
Sometimes I think we parents are so focused on saying no and following all the rules to raise great kids that we miss the opportunity for an important conversation on why we say no.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 37, loc. 605-607
And I told her that day that I don’t know how my kids are going to turn out. I don’t know if one of them will make really bad choices and lead a life I wouldn’t choose for him or her. I can’t predict what will happen. I know that I am teaching them truth according to God’s Word and loving them the best way I can by thoughtfully guiding and encouraging them, but I also have to let them make their own decisions and pray they find Jesus in their successes or failures. And friends, that’s all we can do.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 39, loc. 629-633
Visiting an orphan-led home in Kenya just weeks before had turned my life upside down. That’s where I met Vincent. I will never forget standing in Vincent’s home, which was the size of my master closet. Water dripped on my head in the dark room as he lit a candle and explained how he walked an hour to school each way and cared for his little brother because his parents were both dead. As he told us about his life, he smiled from ear to ear with joy. “How can you be so happy?” I asked as I looked around at all he didn’t have. “I have Jesus. He is enough,” he answered confidently. His answer was my undoing. Because I had Jesus, too, but He wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more —more money, more stuff, more to fill the emptiness.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 47, loc. 688-694
Sometimes the best way to help our kids is to not help them. They often become resourceful and responsible when we simply let them.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 56, loc. 808-809
Kids’ temporary unhappiness —learning to submit to authority and obedience —is worth it if it produces future adults who love God and others.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 59, loc. 834-836
The concept is that . . . denying yourself the excess that you may ultimately desire may allow you to savor and appreciate the finer things in life. . . . A more extreme but scientifically proven means of increasing the happiness you derive from your money is a bit more radical —not spending it on yourself. It turns out that people who spend money on others rather than themselves are actually happier in the long run. They derive a greater feeling of reward and satisfaction and this helps to enrich their inner feelings of sharing and contentment. So instead of buying that extra watch or TV the next time you have some new found money, consider the alternative: indulging less and offering others the opportunity to share in your wealth.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 60, loc. 855-861
When we give our kids everything they want or bend the rules to make them happy, we are failing to train
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 64, loc. 899-899
When we give our kids everything they want or bend the rules to make them happy, we are failing to train them to face the ups and downs of life.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 64, loc. 899-900
Our children need to be bored. They need to kick their feet and wait outside of bathroom doors, unanswered. They need to be sent outside or to their rooms to play. They need to turn over the bag of tricks and find it empty. Because that’s when they will discover they don’t need stuff to fill their time. They don’t need a plan for entertainment. They can create their own. And when they do, that’s when summer turns magical.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 74, loc. 1025-1028
For many years, our family lived a good, often intentional life inside our four walls. We focused on ourselves —what we needed, what we loved, what we wanted. We spent time together, reading the Bible, playing games, focusing on our little family. I think taking care of your family, dreaming a little, splurging at times is great, but when that’s all we do, we are creating a self-awareness void. The best way to fill that empty place is by serving others. It could be finding a way to serve as a family at a local nonprofit or taking a meal to a new neighbor or passing out blankets to the homeless. Whenever we do something for others, it’s in our nature to see life through a new lens —theirs. It’s hard to walk away from someone in need and be the same person you were before you met.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 81, loc. 1119-1125
When we have everything, we are thankful for nothing. When we have nothing, we are thankful for everything. Sometimes
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 83, loc. 1136-1137
“Honey, years ago, you had to type in bad words to find bad things on the Internet. But that’s changed. Now these bad things —from spam to pornography to child predators —look for you.”
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 96, loc. 1307-1310
Tedd Tripp, the author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart, cuts parents some slack. During times of failure . . . , your teens need positive interaction. You need to keep your eye on the goals you have for your children. They need Mom and Dad to be constructive and creative. You need to have a proper sense of proportion, remembering that your child is worth much more than a car [or something else they have wrecked or ruined]. . . . What I have in view is parental interaction that is full of hope and courage. This interaction is able to turn a fiasco into an opportunity to learn and go forward.[59] There must be a healthy balance in our parenting. We can’t offer too much grace and not enough discipline or vice versa. I love this comment from my parenting poll: “Sometimes I feel bad because the follow-through is difficult, consistency is difficult, and requiring it of myself feels like a sacrifice, but when I do say no (in their best interests), usually the lesson is worth learning. Both for them and for me!”
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 117, loc. 1535-1543
Guest at every meal, the Silent Listener to every conversation.”[68] When Terrell and I were youth pastors, we got a call at nine o’clock one evening from a family in our church. The parents were having a crisis with one of their teens and asked if we would come over. Our two-year-old marriage and Bible school degree didn’t prepare us for what we were about to walk into. I’ll never forget stepping into that tense situation with a sixteen-year-old rebellious daughter standing on the stairs with bags packed. Her parents had told her she would have to
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 132, loc. 1721-1726
Focus on the Family breaks their definition of a Christ-centered home into six parts. Joy is characteristic of a truly Christian home. . . . A Christian home is orderly. As the apostle Paul says, “God is not the author of confusion but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33). . . . A Christ-centered home should be marked by grace [and be] a place of service. A Christ-centered home is a place where the spiritual disciplines are practiced. . . . Finally, a Christian home is based on God’s purposes for every member of the household.[73] I couldn’t agree more! Let’s
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 137, loc. 1780-1786
When our children are small, we can physically control them. We can keep them out of danger with a baby gate and put them in the confines of a crib. As they grow, our physical control lessens and we begin using our authority to teach them obedience by giving consequences and praise. Once kids hit the tween and teen years, our authority should begin to lessen while our influence grows.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 141, loc. 1842-1844
I love how Tedd Tripp identifies the three stages of child development in Shepherding a Child’s Heart: Ages 0 to 5: focus is establishing biblical authority Ages 5 to 12: focus is on the development of godly character Ages 12 and beyond: focus is on internalization of the gospel[78]
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 143, loc. 1863-1866
“Our job as parents is to raise our kids to be responsible adults so they can discern good from evil, beauty from ugliness, and truth from error.”
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 145, loc. 1893-1894
would give anything to go back and change what transpired if I could. But I learned something valuable from it: “Winning” a fight with our kids only makes two losers. We have the opportunity to patiently walk with them through their pain and try to understand the root of their attitude or negative behavior. But we have to take it.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 175, loc. 2225-2227
One of the most impactful tools we’ve learned (when someone is upset or there’s an argument) is to ask the person we are disagreeing with, “What do you need from me right now?” Sometimes it’s the best way to get to the root of the problem. I have discovered over and over, my kids and my husband need something different from what I’m offering. Often they’re not asking for my opinion or for me to fix their problem; they want me to listen or they just need a hug.
Kristen Welch, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life's Biggest Yes, pg. 175, loc. 2237-2240
October 3, 2021
First off: this is a Christian parenting book. The cover and publisher blurb kind of buries that a bit. You have to read almost three paragraphs into the publisher blurb to get to "she shares how to say the ultimate yes as a family by bringing up faith-filled kids who will love God", when it is by far the most important thing about the book.
My relatively low rating isn't just about that, though I do knock off some points for how pervasive the God-talk is. For instance, she makes the very good point that you probably need to look at your own entitlement issues before worrying about your kids. (They learned it from somewhere!) So what's the first step in dealing with your own entitlement issues:
But most of my dissatisfaction with this is really just that this is the kind of parenting book I'm not especially keen on. The author is a blogger and this strikes me as a fairly typical blogger-writes-a-book kind of book. It has tons of personal anecdotes; that quasi-memoir "this is the journey my family went on" thing that I hate but some others love; lots of pages devoted to stuff that feels obvious rather than insightful; and in general just feels like not a great return on investment for reading.
Just as an example: there's an entire chapter devoted to "Why Parents Do What They Know They Shouldn't" in regards to making their children entitled. We want our kids to be our friends; we are afraid to say no because of the fallout; we feel guilty about our circumstances; we are busy; we don't want them to fail; we don't want them to feel left out; we don't want them to be unhappy.
Does any parent really need to read a book to tell that they reason they bought their 8-year old a iPhone 18 Max Pro is because of things like "we are afraid to say no because of the fallout" or "we don't want them to feel left out" when all their friends have one?
I just felt like this book, though chock full of the right intentions, just felt like it had few great insights for me.
My relatively low rating isn't just about that, though I do knock off some points for how pervasive the God-talk is. For instance, she makes the very good point that you probably need to look at your own entitlement issues before worrying about your kids. (They learned it from somewhere!) So what's the first step in dealing with your own entitlement issues:
Ask God to reveal to you your own entitlement issues. It's the best place to start.
But most of my dissatisfaction with this is really just that this is the kind of parenting book I'm not especially keen on. The author is a blogger and this strikes me as a fairly typical blogger-writes-a-book kind of book. It has tons of personal anecdotes; that quasi-memoir "this is the journey my family went on" thing that I hate but some others love; lots of pages devoted to stuff that feels obvious rather than insightful; and in general just feels like not a great return on investment for reading.
Just as an example: there's an entire chapter devoted to "Why Parents Do What They Know They Shouldn't" in regards to making their children entitled. We want our kids to be our friends; we are afraid to say no because of the fallout; we feel guilty about our circumstances; we are busy; we don't want them to fail; we don't want them to feel left out; we don't want them to be unhappy.
Does any parent really need to read a book to tell that they reason they bought their 8-year old a iPhone 18 Max Pro is because of things like "we are afraid to say no because of the fallout" or "we don't want them to feel left out" when all their friends have one?
I just felt like this book, though chock full of the right intentions, just felt like it had few great insights for me.
January 12, 2016
What can I say? I love this book. I love it's cover - how it looks. I love the format and how it feels in my hands. I love the mix of personal stories and practical tips. Most of all, I love the message.
"We live in a culture that is obsessed with the right to have what we want, whether we've earned it or not."
If you believe in the concept of grace, then hopefully you understand that grace is two-fold. Grace is, first of all, getting what you don't deserve, and secondly, grace is not getting what you do deserve. Grace is the opposite of entitlement.
Kristen and her husband, Terrell, recognized the ugliness of entitlement that was rearing its head in their family and decided to call it out and wage war against it. Being grateful is an art that needs to be cultivated and nurtured daily, so that it can be practiced in all areas of our lives. Living gratefully is living counter-culturally, and it's increasingly difficult to practice in our current society.
"Society has shifted truth by bombarding us with an idea until its normalized. "
As I mentioned before, this book is full of personal stories in which Kristen shares what she and her husband have tried with their 3 children. It's also full of practical tips. Each chapter ends with a section called "Going Against the Flow" and includes ideas and suggestions for all ages: parents, toddlers/preschoolers, elementary, tweens/teens.
I've already implemented several ideas into our own family life. If you need encouragement in your own journey to raise grateful kids, or even in your own effort to be more grateful, then this book is for you.
April 28, 2025
A must read parenting book imo. It gave me plenty of challenges for my own personal life besides things to implement with my kids.
December 3, 2016
Although I have no children and, sadly, most likely never will, I found this a valuable look into what entitlement and gratitude means with some good ideas about how to achieve a more grateful life. Welch is strongly Christian and as someone coming from a different branch of Christianity some of her language took a little extra work to understand, so this may not be a great fit for someone from another faith tradition.
July 24, 2019
Very easy to read. Honest account of the efforts and methods her and her husband are using to keep her kids grateful. Lots of things I think I would like to incorporate into my parenting. Written from a Biblical worldview. Managed to be convicted about some areas of my own life that I should work on to be a better model to my son.
February 23, 2021
This book could also be called "how to raise Christian kids." It had good practical ideas for connecting with your kids and showing them how to be grateful. She also touched a lot on how Christians should be different from the rest of the world.
October 26, 2017
I could love or hate this book on any given day....it could inspire or depress, motivate or irritate all depending upon my attitude.
March 5, 2025
Greatly enjoyed this quick read about raising a child who is grateful and content in today’s contradictory “have it all and have it now” society. Our job as parents is not to ensure that our children are happy, it’s to ensure they are deeply loved, and sometimes loving someone means saying no (and therefore making them unhappy). This book is written from a Christian point of view and I appreciated the deep biblical ties. Parenting a little one isn’t easy but it’s so rewarding.
4.5 stars
4.5 stars
July 1, 2025
Did not realize the book was so heavily focused on Christianity. The author openly contradicts herself constantly and fails to see the irony in the religious “truths” she espouses. I tried to put the religious stuff to the side at first and see the lessons at face value but she gets so nauseatingly preachy I could not continue. If anyone who is agnostic or atheist needs a reminder of the hollow, misguided, and contradictory nature of religion you could read a bit of this to reaffirm your beliefs
November 29, 2018
Some great reminders while heading into the holiday season. Also, gave me things to think about as my kids are getting older.
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