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An Unattractive Vampire
"Jim McDoniel's first novel is quirky, wild, and weird, and definitely for those who hate those sexy vampire stereotypes who like their monsters nice and gross." -Geeks of Doom
Jim McDoniel's debut novel, "An Unattractive Vampire," is a darkly comic urban fantasy of ancient horrors in suburban cities. After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile, also known as The Cursed One, The Devil's Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors, awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he's just too ugly. Modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good. Determined to reestablish his bloodstained reign, Yulric sets out to correct this disgusting turn of events or, at the very least, murder the person responsible.
With the help of part vampire-wannabe Amanda; Simon, the eight-year-old reincarnation of his greatest foe; and a cadre of ancient and ugly horrors, Yulric prepares to battle the glamorous undead. But who will win the right to determine, once and for all, what it truly means to be a vampire?
Jim McDoniel's debut novel, "An Unattractive Vampire," is a darkly comic urban fantasy of ancient horrors in suburban cities. After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile, also known as The Cursed One, The Devil's Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors, awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he's just too ugly. Modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good. Determined to reestablish his bloodstained reign, Yulric sets out to correct this disgusting turn of events or, at the very least, murder the person responsible.
With the help of part vampire-wannabe Amanda; Simon, the eight-year-old reincarnation of his greatest foe; and a cadre of ancient and ugly horrors, Yulric prepares to battle the glamorous undead. But who will win the right to determine, once and for all, what it truly means to be a vampire?
309 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 388 reviews
June 15, 2016
I get sent pre-release copies of books quite often. Usually because authors or publishers are looking for promotional blurbs or a little help spreading the word about an upcoming publication.
This was one of those books. I got an ARC ages ago, but I only recently pulled it off the shelf.
Starting to read it, I was pleasantly surprised. Good start. Pulled me right in. Good language. Good, distinct tone. Playful but well-written.
Then I looked at the letter that had been sent along with the book and kicked myself: I was reading it two months *after* the publication date. Far too late to give it a promotional blurb. Too late to give it a push in the early days of the book's release.
This happens fairly often. But I especially regret it this time, as the book is Published by Sword and Laser. A new small press.
This made me feel doubly bad. It's hard to be a new small press. And it was the guy's first book. It's really hard to get attention these days if you're a new author or a new press. I wish I could have helped them out more.
I will say this. I really enjoyed it. It was fun and funny. It kept me up late on a night when I *really* was hoping to get some extra sleep.
And I really wish I'd read it earlier because I *would* have given it a gushy blurb.
If that means anything to you. Maybe consider picking it up?
This was one of those books. I got an ARC ages ago, but I only recently pulled it off the shelf.
Starting to read it, I was pleasantly surprised. Good start. Pulled me right in. Good language. Good, distinct tone. Playful but well-written.
Then I looked at the letter that had been sent along with the book and kicked myself: I was reading it two months *after* the publication date. Far too late to give it a promotional blurb. Too late to give it a push in the early days of the book's release.
This happens fairly often. But I especially regret it this time, as the book is Published by Sword and Laser. A new small press.
This made me feel doubly bad. It's hard to be a new small press. And it was the guy's first book. It's really hard to get attention these days if you're a new author or a new press. I wish I could have helped them out more.
I will say this. I really enjoyed it. It was fun and funny. It kept me up late on a night when I *really* was hoping to get some extra sleep.
And I really wish I'd read it earlier because I *would* have given it a gushy blurb.
If that means anything to you. Maybe consider picking it up?
February 28, 2018
An Unattractive vampire? You may cry "Inconceivable" to that idea, my dear post-twilight audience. How can be a vampire be unattractive in this century? With their perfect cheekbones and irresistible sex-appeal, their swaying hips, half-open shirts, and such hot fangs!
Unfortunately, Yulric Bile is not from this century.
Neither does he the like the modern week-ass candy cane vampires.
Let the games begin!
An unattractive vampire is a fun novel which takes advantage of the popularity of vampires and difference between the current portrayal of vampires and the classic ones. Our vampire Yulric Bile was trapped in his coffin for over 300 years and he is finally set free in the current century. He rises again, expecting to seize his old glory, but finds himself sharing his house with a grumpy young adult girl and her resourceful little brother. As if that is not bad enough for Yulric, he finds the devil box mortals call as television. And in television, he finds vampire TV shows.
Jim McDoniel's writing is hilarious, and his characters are a fun bunch. The tone of the story is somewhere between Dark Shadows and What we do in Shadows, with the usual vampire related tropes.
The problem with An unattractive Vampire is that it failed to grow out of its silliness, which was delightful in the first half but waned towards the last act for me. Nevertheless, the story nails humor as there were a ton of laugh out moments. Yulric Bile and his gang are the sorts of people you can root for, and who could resist a good bloody vampire fight!
*High five*
Oh, Wait! Before you go, check this part of the novel.
That's right, world! Indians, we get the job done ;)
Unfortunately, Yulric Bile is not from this century.
Neither does he the like the modern week-ass candy cane vampires.
Let the games begin!
An unattractive vampire is a fun novel which takes advantage of the popularity of vampires and difference between the current portrayal of vampires and the classic ones. Our vampire Yulric Bile was trapped in his coffin for over 300 years and he is finally set free in the current century. He rises again, expecting to seize his old glory, but finds himself sharing his house with a grumpy young adult girl and her resourceful little brother. As if that is not bad enough for Yulric, he finds the devil box mortals call as television. And in television, he finds vampire TV shows.
“So, this is what we have become.” He cackled, trying to catch his breath . . . or whatever he did instead of breathing. “Millennia of legend and lore, and now we appear to you as mere adolescents at the height of beauty and bloom. Tell me, are all the stories of my kind thus? Are vampyrs always immortal champions with rosy cheeks and marble physiques?”
Jim McDoniel's writing is hilarious, and his characters are a fun bunch. The tone of the story is somewhere between Dark Shadows and What we do in Shadows, with the usual vampire related tropes.
“Because werewolves hate vampires. Everybody knows that.”
This was news to Yulric. He had always gotten on quite well with werewolves. They were good for a laugh, knew the latest drinking songs, and made for very convenient scapegoats.
The problem with An unattractive Vampire is that it failed to grow out of its silliness, which was delightful in the first half but waned towards the last act for me. Nevertheless, the story nails humor as there were a ton of laugh out moments. Yulric Bile and his gang are the sorts of people you can root for, and who could resist a good bloody vampire fight!
*High five*
Oh, Wait! Before you go, check this part of the novel.
Actually, we’ve run into a bit of bad luck lately.” Catherine laughed. Their last two trips had come up empty. Tibet, especially, had been frustrating for their undead companions. At least in India, the Brahmarakshas had been slain proper, like a vampire should be.
That's right, world! Indians, we get the job done ;)
March 10, 2016
I will admit to being a fan of Twilight (well the first three, the fourth was a monstrosity). I am guilty of swooning over GQ worthy vampires full of never-ending wit and sarcasm, and for some reason always with a British accent?
I love the sympathetic villain and can even side with an occasional mopey teen vampire. I am addicted to all things vampire and as such love even their parodies. An unattractive vampire, who's title itself makes me laugh, was a fun and hilarious diatribe of the “modern” vampire.
It follows unattractive vampire Yulric Bile who has just been unearthed after three hundred years and his horrific discovery of Vampires post Twilight. I loved how this book poked fun at how mainstream vampires have become, and how more often then not they are portrayed as the good guys. This book did remind me a bit of the movie Dark Shadows starring Johnny Depp (but actually well written).
I enjoyed all of the characters and Yulric was the perfect grumpy old man/monster. Simon was a cute sidekick as well.
Full of hilarious one liners and chock full of lighthearted quips this book attacks every vampire cliche out there. I would recommend this book to all fans of vampires
Buy, Borrow or Bin Verdict:Buy
Check out more of my reviews here
Note: I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.
April 27, 2016
This was a light and fun read. It was not quite as good as I was hoping it would be, but it was still entertaining and filled with plenty of hilarious moments.
300 years ago evil vampire Yulric Bile was imprisoned. Now he has escaped and is eager to begin a new reign of fear and terror! Yulric is soon horrified to learn that society has changed and that modern vampires are now objects of romantic worship and heroic deeds. He vows to put an end to this atrocity and bring the terror back to the vampire name.
It was all pretty hilarious. Yulric looked like one of those horror story vampires rather than one of the Twilight or Vampire Chronicles style vampires and was suspected of being everything from a zombie to a werewolf by those he encountered rather than an actual vampire. Yulric's reactions to modern technology were also pretty hilarious and his battle against the modern vampires proved entertaining enough.
This was definitely a fun read. A little too silly at times to really suck me into the story, but still an entertaining enough read.
Rating: 3.5 stars.
300 years ago evil vampire Yulric Bile was imprisoned. Now he has escaped and is eager to begin a new reign of fear and terror! Yulric is soon horrified to learn that society has changed and that modern vampires are now objects of romantic worship and heroic deeds. He vows to put an end to this atrocity and bring the terror back to the vampire name.
It was all pretty hilarious. Yulric looked like one of those horror story vampires rather than one of the Twilight or Vampire Chronicles style vampires and was suspected of being everything from a zombie to a werewolf by those he encountered rather than an actual vampire. Yulric's reactions to modern technology were also pretty hilarious and his battle against the modern vampires proved entertaining enough.
This was definitely a fun read. A little too silly at times to really suck me into the story, but still an entertaining enough read.
Rating: 3.5 stars.
November 3, 2018
I love the central premise of this book. Where it goes with that premise is another thing, but the core idea is very cool.
Yulric Bile, a millennia old vampire trapped for four centuries underneath a New England House, awakens in the 21st century to find that vampirism as he knows it has changed.
Yulric has been awoken by twenty-something Amanda Linske and her little brother Simon, who introduce Yulric to 21st Century life and a TV vampire show called The Phantom Vampire Mysteries (which by its description reminded me of True Blood). The show, Amanda's favourite, becomes Yulric’s obsession too when he finds out that the cast and writers of the show are real vampires.
However, these famous bloodsuckers are nothing like Yulric.
For Yulric isn't the most handsome of fellows- it's fair to say he got beat pretty hard with the ugly stick, has a face only a mother would love, is a butterface, etc. He's more nosferatu than baby-I-want-to-do-you and soon discovers that in sharp contrast to his mirror shattering visage modern vampires are all stunningly beautiful, broodingly sexual creatures of the Twilight and Ann Rice model.
Naturally he's disgusted at this state of affairs, and the lowly state that vampirism – once the domain of terrifyingly amoral monsters – has fallen to and he resolves to bring ugliness, violence and downright malevolent evil back to the modern vampire world.
So far so good. The story is set up nicely for a take on the perennial ‘young people don’t respect tradition/aren’t as good as their elders’ grumbling that has been part of human society for millennia, but from the viewpoint of a thousand year old reanimated corpse unhappy at the behaviour of more recently reanimated corpses. You'd also expect a few jabs at Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyer’s ‘sexy undead’ tropes along the way.
However... while the underlying concept of this story is great, the execution is a little haphazard.
Yulric himself is kind of fun. He's a classic man (or in this case, monster) out of his own time, who thinks of bullets as musket balls, is terrified of cars, and is mesmerised by television. This temporal mismatch leads to some quite amusing scenes where Yulric's 17th century sensibilities crash against the 21st century values of those around him.
The story itself rolls along pretty nicely, but it’s a little cheesy at times, and the characters aren't particularly memorable, other than Yulric of course. Things happen, and the plot races along, but it sometimes feels contrived - less the natural results of genuine character motivations than the visibly deliberate plotting of the author.
The conversations between some of the characters also often felt too knowing for me, too... sitcom. This was a bit grating, although after a few chapters the style grew on me, and I found myself enjoying the slightly contrived conversations and appreciating the many jokes McDoniel makes with his characters. The ongoing joke of the characters’ obsession with The Phantom Vampire Mysteries wears a little thin occasionally too, with their fanaticism sometimes leading them to do rather implausible things. This kind of thing is comic, but stretches the credibility of the story a bit.
Overall An Unnattractive Vampire is entertaining, but doesn’t reach the heights I feel it could have, leaving it at best for me as the kind of light, easy reading story that serves to fill a gap between more difficult reads. It’s a fun story, with some genuinely funny moments, but it’s a touch anaemic.
2.5 stars.
Yulric Bile, a millennia old vampire trapped for four centuries underneath a New England House, awakens in the 21st century to find that vampirism as he knows it has changed.
Yulric has been awoken by twenty-something Amanda Linske and her little brother Simon, who introduce Yulric to 21st Century life and a TV vampire show called The Phantom Vampire Mysteries (which by its description reminded me of True Blood). The show, Amanda's favourite, becomes Yulric’s obsession too when he finds out that the cast and writers of the show are real vampires.
However, these famous bloodsuckers are nothing like Yulric.
For Yulric isn't the most handsome of fellows- it's fair to say he got beat pretty hard with the ugly stick, has a face only a mother would love, is a butterface, etc. He's more nosferatu than baby-I-want-to-do-you and soon discovers that in sharp contrast to his mirror shattering visage modern vampires are all stunningly beautiful, broodingly sexual creatures of the Twilight and Ann Rice model.
Naturally he's disgusted at this state of affairs, and the lowly state that vampirism – once the domain of terrifyingly amoral monsters – has fallen to and he resolves to bring ugliness, violence and downright malevolent evil back to the modern vampire world.
So far so good. The story is set up nicely for a take on the perennial ‘young people don’t respect tradition/aren’t as good as their elders’ grumbling that has been part of human society for millennia, but from the viewpoint of a thousand year old reanimated corpse unhappy at the behaviour of more recently reanimated corpses. You'd also expect a few jabs at Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyer’s ‘sexy undead’ tropes along the way.
However... while the underlying concept of this story is great, the execution is a little haphazard.
Yulric himself is kind of fun. He's a classic man (or in this case, monster) out of his own time, who thinks of bullets as musket balls, is terrified of cars, and is mesmerised by television. This temporal mismatch leads to some quite amusing scenes where Yulric's 17th century sensibilities crash against the 21st century values of those around him.
The story itself rolls along pretty nicely, but it’s a little cheesy at times, and the characters aren't particularly memorable, other than Yulric of course. Things happen, and the plot races along, but it sometimes feels contrived - less the natural results of genuine character motivations than the visibly deliberate plotting of the author.
The conversations between some of the characters also often felt too knowing for me, too... sitcom. This was a bit grating, although after a few chapters the style grew on me, and I found myself enjoying the slightly contrived conversations and appreciating the many jokes McDoniel makes with his characters. The ongoing joke of the characters’ obsession with The Phantom Vampire Mysteries wears a little thin occasionally too, with their fanaticism sometimes leading them to do rather implausible things. This kind of thing is comic, but stretches the credibility of the story a bit.
Overall An Unnattractive Vampire is entertaining, but doesn’t reach the heights I feel it could have, leaving it at best for me as the kind of light, easy reading story that serves to fill a gap between more difficult reads. It’s a fun story, with some genuinely funny moments, but it’s a touch anaemic.
2.5 stars.
January 18, 2018
Fun and flowing story, if a bit fragmented (minor plot holes). 3.5 stars rounded up because it's a debut novel and it was an entertaining read paved smooth with nice writing and interesting characters.
The last three warnings were obviously the most recent: in Arabic, May Allah protect against that which is inside and damn any who open it; in English, For the preservation of the Empire, sealed 1910 under orders of his Majesty by his humble servant Sir Henry Calibrey. May God preserve us; and in American, No seriously. Don’t fucking open.
The last three warnings were obviously the most recent: in Arabic, May Allah protect against that which is inside and damn any who open it; in English, For the preservation of the Empire, sealed 1910 under orders of his Majesty by his humble servant Sir Henry Calibrey. May God preserve us; and in American, No seriously. Don’t fucking open.
April 3, 2016
This book is HILARIOUS
Go buy! Go! Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book!
There have been a few books that have poked fun at how the concept of vampirism has changed over the years – especially how the most common portrayals tend to have vampires who are attractive and sexy above all else.
Enter Yulric Bile, an old school vampire who has woken up after an unfortunate period of downtime (damn those puritans. In fact can we have an aside where I just hail the awesomeness that was the depiction of puritans here. It takes a lot of work to make puritans hilarious but my gods they’re excellent) has woken up in the modern world in the basement of Amanda – a woman who has been trained to take on any adversary since being the guardian of her little brother Simon, who always has a hatchet.
Yulric has problems. There is the huge culture shock he faces after centuries away (he is now trying to bottle electricity and hates cars. Really really hates cars). Then there’s the problem of Amanda not putting up with his bullshit and regularly backing him down with a cross and her little brother Simon who is definite evil genius material and keeps experimenting on him.
Then there’s the fact no-one even believes he’s a vampire - because vampires are beautiful and he certainly is not. He is not putting up with this and makes his own nefarious plans to find out who is behind this and remind them exactly what vampirism is.
And it is awesome. Yulric manages to be so ridiculously sinister and powerful, while continually being mocked and thwarted by Amanda who is infinitely more awesome. These characters are so much fun together, her capability along with her slightly sad history and refusal to tolerate any nonsense excellently works with Yulric’s endless evil and her little brother’s twisted genius. I couldn’t have imagined a better dynamic between these three
The whole book made me laugh repeatedly. The interactions, the puritans (including the female cultist following Yulric who was, again, awesome, hilarious and an excellent challenge to misogyny). The characters, the world and the whole war between ancient vampires and young pretty ones in body glitter kept me smiling with every page – and repeatedly laughing out loud.
I laughed at the idea of a teenage Vampire show where all the actors were actually vampires. I laughed harder when a fight between these vampires and Yulric became fraught because Yulric refuses to kill the actors because he’s marathoned the dvd series and NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. I collapsed with laughter when this fight became more fraught because Amanda and Yilric had a side fight with the main writer because he refuses to acknowledge her One True Pairing and insists on redeeming one the villains!
Top it all off with Simon, the extremely ominous little brother actually having the highest death count (while Amanda and Yulric scream at him to stop for the sake of their fandom!) and I just can’t applaud enough
Read More
Go buy! Go! Why are you still reading this review? Go read the book!
There have been a few books that have poked fun at how the concept of vampirism has changed over the years – especially how the most common portrayals tend to have vampires who are attractive and sexy above all else.
Enter Yulric Bile, an old school vampire who has woken up after an unfortunate period of downtime (damn those puritans. In fact can we have an aside where I just hail the awesomeness that was the depiction of puritans here. It takes a lot of work to make puritans hilarious but my gods they’re excellent) has woken up in the modern world in the basement of Amanda – a woman who has been trained to take on any adversary since being the guardian of her little brother Simon, who always has a hatchet.
Yulric has problems. There is the huge culture shock he faces after centuries away (he is now trying to bottle electricity and hates cars. Really really hates cars). Then there’s the problem of Amanda not putting up with his bullshit and regularly backing him down with a cross and her little brother Simon who is definite evil genius material and keeps experimenting on him.
Then there’s the fact no-one even believes he’s a vampire - because vampires are beautiful and he certainly is not. He is not putting up with this and makes his own nefarious plans to find out who is behind this and remind them exactly what vampirism is.
And it is awesome. Yulric manages to be so ridiculously sinister and powerful, while continually being mocked and thwarted by Amanda who is infinitely more awesome. These characters are so much fun together, her capability along with her slightly sad history and refusal to tolerate any nonsense excellently works with Yulric’s endless evil and her little brother’s twisted genius. I couldn’t have imagined a better dynamic between these three
The whole book made me laugh repeatedly. The interactions, the puritans (including the female cultist following Yulric who was, again, awesome, hilarious and an excellent challenge to misogyny). The characters, the world and the whole war between ancient vampires and young pretty ones in body glitter kept me smiling with every page – and repeatedly laughing out loud.
I laughed at the idea of a teenage Vampire show where all the actors were actually vampires. I laughed harder when a fight between these vampires and Yulric became fraught because Yulric refuses to kill the actors because he’s marathoned the dvd series and NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. I collapsed with laughter when this fight became more fraught because Amanda and Yilric had a side fight with the main writer because he refuses to acknowledge her One True Pairing and insists on redeeming one the villains!
Top it all off with Simon, the extremely ominous little brother actually having the highest death count (while Amanda and Yulric scream at him to stop for the sake of their fandom!) and I just can’t applaud enough
Read More
November 2, 2021
This is the anti-Twilight book and is a general satire of the gorgeous, irresistible vampire stories. An old, evil vampire goes into hibernation and emerges 300 years later in modern times. The first woman he meets doesn’t believe he’s a vampire because he’s not stunningly sexy.
One of the best things about the story is how unpredictable it is. It’s so refreshing. On top of that is engaging writing and great characters. Every page has several laughs.
Blurb Beware: The second paragraph of the blurb gives away much of the plot, and the whole thing isn’t quite accurate anyway.
Language: Mild
Sexual Content: Occasional innuendo.
Violence: Many vampires get staked and turn to dust. Mild violence to humans. Some gore in descriptions of monsters.
Harm to Animals:
Harm to Children:
Other (Triggers):
One of the best things about the story is how unpredictable it is. It’s so refreshing. On top of that is engaging writing and great characters. Every page has several laughs.
Blurb Beware: The second paragraph of the blurb gives away much of the plot, and the whole thing isn’t quite accurate anyway.
Language: Mild
Sexual Content: Occasional innuendo.
Violence: Many vampires get staked and turn to dust. Mild violence to humans. Some gore in descriptions of monsters.
Harm to Animals:
Harm to Children:
Other (Triggers):
June 11, 2016
In reality, it's probably a 3 star book. But, I think I'll bump it up to 4 stars for a few reasons:
-- It's the antidote to Twilight. It's time the glittery glamour boy vamps went away. Bring on the old-school vampires!
-- The pairing of an evil, 300-year-old+ vampire with a precocious, cheeky, slightly-evil eight-year-old boy was devilishly delightful.
-- I like the vampire's excuse of not needing to wear a seatbelt: "I have no need for a life saving restraint." You know, since he's immortal anyway. As well as some of the other humor that arises when a guy from over 300 years ago is thrown into today's world.
-- The author brought in some vampires & folklore from around the world in the later chapters.
-- Cool cover art.Final summation -- fiendishly fun. Good beach reading if you have a slightly sadistic & morbid sense of humor.
October 31, 2017
That was funny. Strong tongue-in-cheek type humor, making riotous fun of the paranormal romance craze. I like paranormal fiction, and I couldn't help laughing (with recognition!) at every hilarious caricaturized trope.
Still only $2.51 for Kindle, and if you're in need of a laugh, I'd definitely recommend.
**************
This one has dropped from $6.99 to $2.51 for Kindle, and the premise and reviews are promising. I got mine here.
Still only $2.51 for Kindle, and if you're in need of a laugh, I'd definitely recommend.
**************
This one has dropped from $6.99 to $2.51 for Kindle, and the premise and reviews are promising. I got mine here.
March 13, 2017
This was so damn funny.
February 13, 2019
Quite humerous.
June 13, 2016
I'm still trying to figure out this book. While the writing itself was funny, quirky, witty, and fast-paced with those wonderful asides (of the Pratchett-type, footnote variety) of which I'm particularly fond, the story was... rather baffling. As in, what was the whole point of it again?
Yulric Bile is a thousand-year-old vampire recently unearthed from his resting place by Amanda, a vampire-obsessed blonde, and her precocious eight-year-old brother, Simon (who also happens to be the reincarnation of Bile's greatest foe, which handily explains some of Simon's more peculiar quirks). Bile, what you might call an old-school vampire, pale, emaciated, and, quite frankly, ugly, is unprepared for the reality of what vampires have become, no longer the terrifying monsters of humankind's nightmares, but ideals of eternal youth and haunting beauty. Bile soon finds the source of these new ideals, one Dr. Lord Douglas Talby (who even wrote a helpful pamphlet on Proper Vampirism), who has created a focus for his movement in the form of the hit TV show, "The Phantom Vampire Mysteries." Bile decides the only way to reclaim the true nature (and form) of vampires is to destroy Dr. Lord Talby and the show (even though Bile has become quite the fan), and with the help of Amanda's brother Simon, a supernaturally-awakened coma patient by the name of Catherine, and a troop of historical and mythological vampires gathered from around the world, sets his sights on the source of all this evil: Hollywood, California.
An Unattractive Vampire thoroughly skewers the entire vampire community, from the many blood-sucking-themed shows and movies, to the rise of *sigh* body glitter-enhanced, twinkly-type vampires. It even manages to touch on the older vampire cultural touchstones such as Dark Shadows, Forever Knight, even Kindred: The Embraced and the RPG it was loosely based on, Vampire: The Masquerade. You don't have to be an expert in vampires and vampire culture to enjoy or understand the book, but it sure helps if you went through your own particular blood-sucking phase; in this way, you'll be able to catch all the in-jokes and references dropped by McDoniel.
The book was an immensely entertaining read, and quite fast. And yet. And yet. The story was rather messy and all over the place as it couldn't quite decide what, exactly, it wanted to tell, there are characters introduced who we could actually, probably, do just as well without, and while the end presented a "win" for Bile and company, it was a dubious, nebulous sort of win. It made the whole enterprise feel as though I'd just run a race, but instead of breaking a ribbon to mark a successful end, I simply stopped running at some point and declared, "This is the end of the race." Which is why, again, I left the book asking, what was the point to all this?
Yulric Bile is a thousand-year-old vampire recently unearthed from his resting place by Amanda, a vampire-obsessed blonde, and her precocious eight-year-old brother, Simon (who also happens to be the reincarnation of Bile's greatest foe, which handily explains some of Simon's more peculiar quirks). Bile, what you might call an old-school vampire, pale, emaciated, and, quite frankly, ugly, is unprepared for the reality of what vampires have become, no longer the terrifying monsters of humankind's nightmares, but ideals of eternal youth and haunting beauty. Bile soon finds the source of these new ideals, one Dr. Lord Douglas Talby (who even wrote a helpful pamphlet on Proper Vampirism), who has created a focus for his movement in the form of the hit TV show, "The Phantom Vampire Mysteries." Bile decides the only way to reclaim the true nature (and form) of vampires is to destroy Dr. Lord Talby and the show (even though Bile has become quite the fan), and with the help of Amanda's brother Simon, a supernaturally-awakened coma patient by the name of Catherine, and a troop of historical and mythological vampires gathered from around the world, sets his sights on the source of all this evil: Hollywood, California.
An Unattractive Vampire thoroughly skewers the entire vampire community, from the many blood-sucking-themed shows and movies, to the rise of *sigh* body glitter-enhanced, twinkly-type vampires. It even manages to touch on the older vampire cultural touchstones such as Dark Shadows, Forever Knight, even Kindred: The Embraced and the RPG it was loosely based on, Vampire: The Masquerade. You don't have to be an expert in vampires and vampire culture to enjoy or understand the book, but it sure helps if you went through your own particular blood-sucking phase; in this way, you'll be able to catch all the in-jokes and references dropped by McDoniel.
The book was an immensely entertaining read, and quite fast. And yet. And yet. The story was rather messy and all over the place as it couldn't quite decide what, exactly, it wanted to tell, there are characters introduced who we could actually, probably, do just as well without, and while the end presented a "win" for Bile and company, it was a dubious, nebulous sort of win. It made the whole enterprise feel as though I'd just run a race, but instead of breaking a ribbon to mark a successful end, I simply stopped running at some point and declared, "This is the end of the race." Which is why, again, I left the book asking, what was the point to all this?
March 8, 2017
This one was smart, so much fun to read, and really funny (also meta maybe?) This is not your typical glittery vampire story.
Yulric Bile is a 1000 years old vampire that wakes up in the 21st century. Acquiring his knowledge of the new world from TV, and the two siblings Amanda and Simon, he's looking for answers as to how the vampire reputation became so weak. He's in for trouble.
Yulric Bile is a 1000 years old vampire that wakes up in the 21st century. Acquiring his knowledge of the new world from TV, and the two siblings Amanda and Simon, he's looking for answers as to how the vampire reputation became so weak. He's in for trouble.
April 26, 2017
Fun read! Fast moving, and a little twisted, just the thing for a summer read.
May 22, 2022
I had such high hopes for this book, but just couldn't fall into it. The concept seemed like great fun, but the execution was... just not very interesting.
Audio via Audible. DNF after several attempts.
Audio via Audible. DNF after several attempts.
March 19, 2018
The only thing I wasn't a fan of was all the annotations. But I have a grudge against them after reading House of Leaves *shudder*
January 28, 2025
EXTREMELY silly
March 27, 2016
I received an advanced electronic reading copy in exchange for an honest review.
3.5/5 Stars
If I'm being honest, I have an adoration much greater than I expected for this book. I was very excited when reading the book description poking fun at today's vampire stereotypes - young, attractive, good natured, and sparkly. An Unattractive Vampire is a humorous take on the battle between classic and modern vampires.
Yulric Bile is woken from his three century long slumber to find a much more modern civilization with new technologies and behaviors from those he meets. Namely, they are not scared to learn he is a vampire. In fact, many of them don't believe he truly is a vampire. That's because the existence of vampires isn't that big of a secret these days, and today's vampires are unnaturally good looking with a greater sense of good. This just doesn't fly with Yulric, and he sets out on a mission to destroy this new coven of weak vampires.
This first exchange between Amanda and Yulric is really one of my favorite scenes from the whole story because it really introduces you to Yulric's vision of the new world he has awoken in. The fact that he goes to attack Amanda and she's not even threatened, but instead they get into an argument over whether or not he is truly a vampire. I had my first good chuckle here, and it kept up throughout.
I enjoyed the author's use of footnotes. Generally quite cheeky, they were successful in enforcing the mood that McDoniel was going for. McDoniel has a witty voice, and really brings his characters to life (er, the afterlife?)
This book is perfect for some afternoon reading. Sit down and finish it in one sitting. I promise it will leave you with a smile on your face, especially if these attractive vampire stereotypes generally make your eyes want to roll into the back of your head.
3.5/5 Stars
If I'm being honest, I have an adoration much greater than I expected for this book. I was very excited when reading the book description poking fun at today's vampire stereotypes - young, attractive, good natured, and sparkly. An Unattractive Vampire is a humorous take on the battle between classic and modern vampires.
Yulric Bile is woken from his three century long slumber to find a much more modern civilization with new technologies and behaviors from those he meets. Namely, they are not scared to learn he is a vampire. In fact, many of them don't believe he truly is a vampire. That's because the existence of vampires isn't that big of a secret these days, and today's vampires are unnaturally good looking with a greater sense of good. This just doesn't fly with Yulric, and he sets out on a mission to destroy this new coven of weak vampires.
"'You believe me a werewolf?' Yulric asked.
'Yes,' Amanda answered.
The two of them stare at each other in silence.
'A werewolf?' he said again.
'Yes,' she repeated.
'Me?' he asked incredulously.
'What do you think you are?' Amanda said.
'A vampyr,' Yulric answered.
Amanda giggled. 'I don't think so.'"
This first exchange between Amanda and Yulric is really one of my favorite scenes from the whole story because it really introduces you to Yulric's vision of the new world he has awoken in. The fact that he goes to attack Amanda and she's not even threatened, but instead they get into an argument over whether or not he is truly a vampire. I had my first good chuckle here, and it kept up throughout.
I enjoyed the author's use of footnotes. Generally quite cheeky, they were successful in enforcing the mood that McDoniel was going for. McDoniel has a witty voice, and really brings his characters to life (er, the afterlife?)
This book is perfect for some afternoon reading. Sit down and finish it in one sitting. I promise it will leave you with a smile on your face, especially if these attractive vampire stereotypes generally make your eyes want to roll into the back of your head.
October 10, 2016
Closer to 5 stars just for pure enjoyment.
An ancient vampire arises from reset to find himself in modern times where nobody believes he is a vampire. The ancient one is more of the Nosferatu type and is dismayed by TV vampires that are beautiful and likable.
This book is a humorous response to Twilight vampires - but is much more than just a mocking response.
What I liked the most is that while there is humorous intent it is not primarily a comic romp. It takes the premise seriously and reads like a horror novel with the absurdity providing some of the humor. Although there is truly very funny moment and I found myself highlighting passages I enjoyed.
An ancient vampire arises from reset to find himself in modern times where nobody believes he is a vampire. The ancient one is more of the Nosferatu type and is dismayed by TV vampires that are beautiful and likable.
This book is a humorous response to Twilight vampires - but is much more than just a mocking response.
What I liked the most is that while there is humorous intent it is not primarily a comic romp. It takes the premise seriously and reads like a horror novel with the absurdity providing some of the humor. Although there is truly very funny moment and I found myself highlighting passages I enjoyed.
February 20, 2019
I can't tell you how much I liked this book because anything I say will do it injustice .
The conflict between old and new vampires was hilarious and intriguing and the writing of the books itself was fantastic. I also loved the ending,it was perfect.
The conflict between old and new vampires was hilarious and intriguing and the writing of the books itself was fantastic. I also loved the ending,it was perfect.
January 6, 2023
I loved this book! Hilarious and fun - with a quirky premise! I don't really like vampire books - but I loved this one! I hope there will be a sequel soon!
January 26, 2020
Some seriously funny bits. Good, quick and easy read.
December 31, 2016
For those who are wondering, I wouldn't call this a satire on Twilight, or a parody, or has anything to do with the concept of 'twinkly vampires'. This book and story is independent from all of that.
Yulric Bile wakes in the 21st century to find everything has changed. Even the modern day vampire has changed- actual, real life vampires, not just the concepts of them- and Yulric ends up striking an odd friendship with Amanda, whose basement he was buried in.
I really enjoyed this book. It's weird, it's silly, and it really has some golden moments.
But I think the biggest fault of the book is that there's a LOT of GREAT concepts, but the execution doesn't really go all the way. It feels like it's just setting itself up for a second book, so of all its awesome concepts are restrained.
For example, Amanda wants to be vampire. She doesn't want to be one for all the usual vampire perks. She's afraid of death, afraid she'll die prematurely like her parents and leave her very young brother all alone. It's heartbreaking, it's amazing, it's original, and after this huge character arc is revealed, it's never talked about again. :(
Amanda's younger brother Simon is super smart and talented and we find out he's the reincarnation of Yulric's arch-enemy from centuries ago. That's super cool, but once again, the arc is introduced and then forgotten.
We have a young man who wants to become a vampire, and he does become one, but learns he has to forgo his past, including the girl he's fond with. A LOT of pages are devoted to this arc and it never comes to a satisfying conclusion.
We have a girl in a coma and spends her days creating her own worlds in her head. Yulric wakes her up from her coma to have her help him. He doesn't force her or threaten her, and in the end, the girl ends up having a small crush on Yulric. It's adorably cute.
There are some parts that are both creatively-amusing, and stupidly-absurd in equal parts. For example, there's a scene in which Amanda and Yulric are fighting vampires, who are soap opera actors, and they're trying to kill each other, and while all of this is happening, they're screaming FAN THEORIES at each other, and discussing plot holes and couple pairings from the show. While they're still killing each other.
I don't know if there is a second book, but if there is, I'll read it.
Yulric Bile wakes in the 21st century to find everything has changed. Even the modern day vampire has changed- actual, real life vampires, not just the concepts of them- and Yulric ends up striking an odd friendship with Amanda, whose basement he was buried in.
I really enjoyed this book. It's weird, it's silly, and it really has some golden moments.
But I think the biggest fault of the book is that there's a LOT of GREAT concepts, but the execution doesn't really go all the way. It feels like it's just setting itself up for a second book, so of all its awesome concepts are restrained.
For example, Amanda wants to be vampire. She doesn't want to be one for all the usual vampire perks. She's afraid of death, afraid she'll die prematurely like her parents and leave her very young brother all alone. It's heartbreaking, it's amazing, it's original, and after this huge character arc is revealed, it's never talked about again. :(
Amanda's younger brother Simon is super smart and talented and we find out he's the reincarnation of Yulric's arch-enemy from centuries ago. That's super cool, but once again, the arc is introduced and then forgotten.
We have a young man who wants to become a vampire, and he does become one, but learns he has to forgo his past, including the girl he's fond with. A LOT of pages are devoted to this arc and it never comes to a satisfying conclusion.
We have a girl in a coma and spends her days creating her own worlds in her head. Yulric wakes her up from her coma to have her help him. He doesn't force her or threaten her, and in the end, the girl ends up having a small crush on Yulric. It's adorably cute.
There are some parts that are both creatively-amusing, and stupidly-absurd in equal parts. For example, there's a scene in which Amanda and Yulric are fighting vampires, who are soap opera actors, and they're trying to kill each other, and while all of this is happening, they're screaming FAN THEORIES at each other, and discussing plot holes and couple pairings from the show. While they're still killing each other.
I don't know if there is a second book, but if there is, I'll read it.
June 24, 2017
The rest of this long winded review is at [
Night Mode Reading
]: Yulric Bile is an ancient saxon vampire, a master of survival and deception, a true evil mastermind of the kind that was neither pretty, nor good. The type that does not get “sired” or “created“, but rather is too evil to stay dead. He lived this long thanks to his cunning, and, of course, immortality, so when an angry mob with pitchforks and torches marches towards his home: Yulric doesn’t break a sweat. After all, everything is going according to plan. Right?
Right. Until the witchhunter out there to get him figures this is a far too old, and far too cunning beast he’s dealing with, so he walks an extra mile to imprison Yulric for as long as possible, if not forever. And thus, in our modern times, vampire wakes in a suburban pink house basement, and is greeted by a brand new world. A world where vampires are show stars, attractive, sexy, and bweh – good! A good vampire! Unheard of! He needs to find out who is making these awful creatures, right now! Which just happens to fit okay with the plans of immortality his house inhabitants had themselves, when they were digging him out. Of course, they didn’t expect someone like Yulric: ugly, bony, with jagged sharp teeth and horror for a face. But if he really wants to meet these “vampires“, well, they’re happy to oblige. Especially if it gets him out of their house. Which, apparently, is actually his.
The book is not a parody. It is its own thing, and just happens to mock some other vampiric pop shit we got. I have laughed my butt off reading it, there are so many good jokes, and the fact that Yulric is terrible to behold gives such a wonderful relief of lack of love interest! No love triangles, no sparkly vampires, no overly-handsome… I take that back, there are those, but Yulric made the same face you probably did, when thinking of it. The “ew, what stinks so bad?” face. So anyway, 5 out of 5, goes right to my favs, and I’ll be looking into getting a physical copy. I have to own this. Anyone know the author? I want to thank him.
Right. Until the witchhunter out there to get him figures this is a far too old, and far too cunning beast he’s dealing with, so he walks an extra mile to imprison Yulric for as long as possible, if not forever. And thus, in our modern times, vampire wakes in a suburban pink house basement, and is greeted by a brand new world. A world where vampires are show stars, attractive, sexy, and bweh – good! A good vampire! Unheard of! He needs to find out who is making these awful creatures, right now! Which just happens to fit okay with the plans of immortality his house inhabitants had themselves, when they were digging him out. Of course, they didn’t expect someone like Yulric: ugly, bony, with jagged sharp teeth and horror for a face. But if he really wants to meet these “vampires“, well, they’re happy to oblige. Especially if it gets him out of their house. Which, apparently, is actually his.
The book is not a parody. It is its own thing, and just happens to mock some other vampiric pop shit we got. I have laughed my butt off reading it, there are so many good jokes, and the fact that Yulric is terrible to behold gives such a wonderful relief of lack of love interest! No love triangles, no sparkly vampires, no overly-handsome… I take that back, there are those, but Yulric made the same face you probably did, when thinking of it. The “ew, what stinks so bad?” face. So anyway, 5 out of 5, goes right to my favs, and I’ll be looking into getting a physical copy. I have to own this. Anyone know the author? I want to thank him.
Read
February 11, 2022Die Idee ist naheliegend, aber attraktiv, wenn man eher Fan der blutigen Vampire ist und von Vampirromanzen genervt: Alter Nosferatu erwacht, lernt zu seinem Abscheu, was aus Vampiren geworden ist und zieht in den Kampf, um den bösen Ruf wieder herzustellen. Nach einem sehr, sehr langsamen Start, wo die,Parodie noch zu sehr in ihre Witze verliebt war, wurde es dann doch etwas spannend und es kamen ein paar unerwartete Twists. Wann immer Yulric und die achtjährige Reinkarnation seiner größten Nemesis aufeinander trafen, war das Buch ziemlich witzig und es ist interessant, dass ich einerseits die Bösen Siegen sehen wollte, andererseits die Gegenseite zum Teil verstand. Keine klaren Fronten mag ich.
Aber. Ja, irgendwie ist das Beurteilen von Äußerlichkeiten, Sex und Co mit der Botschaft des Buchs verknüpft - wenn man nur wüsste, welches sie wäre, denn sie wird permanent untergraben. Wahrscheinlich versuche ich sogar mehr Ehre zu geben, als gebührt, denn letztlich war das nur eine Gelegenheit, viele, viele dämliche Witze über das Aussehen von Leuten zu machen. Fat Shaming, Sexualisierung jeder einzelnen Frau, alle nur triebgesteuert, Frauen wie Männer, und dermaßen male gaze ... Selbst die Frauenfiguren (von einem Mann geschrieben) hatten das so verinnerlicht, dass sie sich permanent auf ihre Wirkung auf Männer hin bewerteten und nur im Sinn hatten, ihre Körper als Waffen einzusetzen. Sorry, aber das ist nicht unser Lebensinhalt. Wann immer also ein weibliches Wesen auftauchte, kam unweigerlich etwas über ihren Busen, ihre Hüften, ihre Schenkel und was dazwischen liegt. Keine Ahnung, wer da die Zielgruppe ist, mich hat es nur genervt und meinen Spaß mit dem Buch erheblich geschmälert. Drei Sterne gibt es aufgerundet, weil es TROTZ dessen geschafft hat, mich gerade genug zu interessieren, dass ich bis zum Schluss dran geblieben bin.
Aber. Ja, irgendwie ist das Beurteilen von Äußerlichkeiten, Sex und Co mit der Botschaft des Buchs verknüpft - wenn man nur wüsste, welches sie wäre, denn sie wird permanent untergraben. Wahrscheinlich versuche ich sogar mehr Ehre zu geben, als gebührt, denn letztlich war das nur eine Gelegenheit, viele, viele dämliche Witze über das Aussehen von Leuten zu machen. Fat Shaming, Sexualisierung jeder einzelnen Frau, alle nur triebgesteuert, Frauen wie Männer, und dermaßen male gaze ... Selbst die Frauenfiguren (von einem Mann geschrieben) hatten das so verinnerlicht, dass sie sich permanent auf ihre Wirkung auf Männer hin bewerteten und nur im Sinn hatten, ihre Körper als Waffen einzusetzen. Sorry, aber das ist nicht unser Lebensinhalt. Wann immer also ein weibliches Wesen auftauchte, kam unweigerlich etwas über ihren Busen, ihre Hüften, ihre Schenkel und was dazwischen liegt. Keine Ahnung, wer da die Zielgruppe ist, mich hat es nur genervt und meinen Spaß mit dem Buch erheblich geschmälert. Drei Sterne gibt es aufgerundet, weil es TROTZ dessen geschafft hat, mich gerade genug zu interessieren, dass ich bis zum Schluss dran geblieben bin.
August 13, 2017
Upon reading this book, I didn't dislike it, nor did I love it. It dwells in a realm of fun to read, but ultimately will be forgotten within a month. The reason for this lies within many reasons, many of which I feel I cannot properly articulate. The humor had its moments, moments in which the jokes matched with my own sense of humor. But more times than not, the humor was a hit and a miss. In addition, the thing that bothered me the most (and is pretty nitpick-y) was the repeated mention of how Simon wasn't a "normal" kid. Number one, it was mentioned way to many times, after the author had already clearly stated his abnormalities. Number two, it felt like Simon's abnormal personality was just there to help the plot along (the moment that comes to mind is when he reveals himself to be able to speak many different languages comes to mind). Number three, it was an attempt to make Simon more interesting that for the most part failed, which brings me to my next point. The characters didn't have any depth, and made them hard to be as likable as they could've been. Yulric was a character that could've been developed a bit more to make him more dynamic. Same can be said about all of the other characters as well. That being said, I appreciate the book, and towards the end, I admit, I couldn't put it down.
December 29, 2015
https://koeur.wordpress.com/2015/12/2...
Publisher: Inkshares
Publishing Date: March 2016
ISBN:9781941758649
Genre: Fantasy
Rating: 4.2/5
Publishers Description: After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile—also known as the Curséd One, the Devil’s Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors—awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he’s just too ugly—modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty,
Review: This was a heck of a lot of fun to read. There is so much going on what with the historical referents, funny footnotes and even funnier situational scene development that you have to keep up in order to stay relevant with the storyline. Great character development coupled with exceptional writing makes Koeur a happy boy. GET IT!
Publisher: Inkshares
Publishing Date: March 2016
ISBN:9781941758649
Genre: Fantasy
Rating: 4.2/5
Publishers Description: After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile—also known as the Curséd One, the Devil’s Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors—awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he’s just too ugly—modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty,
Review: This was a heck of a lot of fun to read. There is so much going on what with the historical referents, funny footnotes and even funnier situational scene development that you have to keep up in order to stay relevant with the storyline. Great character development coupled with exceptional writing makes Koeur a happy boy. GET IT!
February 1, 2016
3 out of 5 stars
I thought this book had a great premise, it was very satirically funny. The problem that I had was it jumped around too much and time would pass from one paragraph to another. It did not have a good flow and felt very jumpy.
The characters were pretty good but not great could have done with more development. Loved the whole vampires don’t sparkle, they’re not that attractive and they definitely aren’t good vibe, but then again I liked vampires before Twilight. I appreciate the direction this book in and would definitely read more books from this author.
I thought this book had a great premise, it was very satirically funny. The problem that I had was it jumped around too much and time would pass from one paragraph to another. It did not have a good flow and felt very jumpy.
The characters were pretty good but not great could have done with more development. Loved the whole vampires don’t sparkle, they’re not that attractive and they definitely aren’t good vibe, but then again I liked vampires before Twilight. I appreciate the direction this book in and would definitely read more books from this author.
February 18, 2018
Review also available on my blog The Shameful Narcissist Speaks.
An Unattractive Vampire begins as a cleverly tongue-in-cheek novel with a similar silliness and satire to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, seamlessly steering your sympathies towards an unholy monster and its last remaining followers. A subversion of a subversion, the story takes the new(ish) idea of the beautiful, more modern vampires and makes it absurd with the introduction of the Nosferatu-like Yulric Bile, who's been entombed beneath a garishly pink painted house for 300 years. Of course in looking at the history of vampires, the beautiful types are absurd, as well (from a historical point of view), but when a paradigm exists for a while it becomes the norm, so the idea of an ugly vampire is not only outlandish, but also obscene.
Yulric awakens and attempts to feed off the current renter, a young woman named Amanda, who is not having it. She doesn’t even believe he’s a vampire, because he’s so hideous, which makes even less sense to him when he sees what "vampyrs" have been reduced to in visual media.
Sparkle Boy
One particularly hysterical chapter involves a pamphlet about "Proper Vampirism," and for the most part it's an absolute load. I only agreed with their ideas of consent and their unquestionable support for the LGBTQ+ community. What they had to say about fat vampires tells me I'm going to write a story with one as the main character, since according to the pamphlet vampires can't be obese *eternal eye roll*
What the story comes down to is the eternal struggle between the old and the new, traditional vs. modern. Unfortunately, in this presentation, I can't root for either (though I slightly hate the newer vampires more due to asshole shallowness. At least the old ones aren't hung up on appearance), and therein lies my problem with the book, While I love subversions of subversions, and I enjoyed the tongue-in-check satirical nature of the narrative, I didn't particularly like any of the characters. I'm all for Grey and Gray Morality (I love A Song of Ice and Fire for god's sake), but even in series like Song, the characters have some redeeming qualities even amongst their flaws, which both serve to make them relatable. There are enough characters complex enough to warrant understanding why they’re doing what they're doing. Even if they may be acting upon not so moral things, at least it's psychologically understandable.
With An Unattractive Vampire, it's an amusing read, but there wasn't really any character growth. Yulric remains the same from the beginning to the end, and while I suppose you could say that a centuries old immortal and his even older entourage isn't going to adapt easily, I'm hard pressed to accept that they wouldn't adapt at all. He's obviously a "more on the other edge of evil" protagonist, so I wasn't expecting a total Heel Face Turn, but protagonists are supposed to develop, and I didn't see this with Yulric. His thoughts and feelings towards other characters were the same at the end as they were in the beginning, though I guess it could be argued his tolerance for them increased, but he was already tolerating them before.
All in all, if you're looking for a hilarious read with witty, irreverent humor and subverted vampire tropes, An Unattractive Vampire won't give you any profound revelations, but it still should make you laugh.
An Unattractive Vampire begins as a cleverly tongue-in-cheek novel with a similar silliness and satire to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, seamlessly steering your sympathies towards an unholy monster and its last remaining followers. A subversion of a subversion, the story takes the new(ish) idea of the beautiful, more modern vampires and makes it absurd with the introduction of the Nosferatu-like Yulric Bile, who's been entombed beneath a garishly pink painted house for 300 years. Of course in looking at the history of vampires, the beautiful types are absurd, as well (from a historical point of view), but when a paradigm exists for a while it becomes the norm, so the idea of an ugly vampire is not only outlandish, but also obscene.
Yulric awakens and attempts to feed off the current renter, a young woman named Amanda, who is not having it. She doesn’t even believe he’s a vampire, because he’s so hideous, which makes even less sense to him when he sees what "vampyrs" have been reduced to in visual media.
Sparkle Boy
One particularly hysterical chapter involves a pamphlet about "Proper Vampirism," and for the most part it's an absolute load. I only agreed with their ideas of consent and their unquestionable support for the LGBTQ+ community. What they had to say about fat vampires tells me I'm going to write a story with one as the main character, since according to the pamphlet vampires can't be obese *eternal eye roll*
What the story comes down to is the eternal struggle between the old and the new, traditional vs. modern. Unfortunately, in this presentation, I can't root for either (though I slightly hate the newer vampires more due to asshole shallowness. At least the old ones aren't hung up on appearance), and therein lies my problem with the book, While I love subversions of subversions, and I enjoyed the tongue-in-check satirical nature of the narrative, I didn't particularly like any of the characters. I'm all for Grey and Gray Morality (I love A Song of Ice and Fire for god's sake), but even in series like Song, the characters have some redeeming qualities even amongst their flaws, which both serve to make them relatable. There are enough characters complex enough to warrant understanding why they’re doing what they're doing. Even if they may be acting upon not so moral things, at least it's psychologically understandable.
With An Unattractive Vampire, it's an amusing read, but there wasn't really any character growth. Yulric remains the same from the beginning to the end, and while I suppose you could say that a centuries old immortal and his even older entourage isn't going to adapt easily, I'm hard pressed to accept that they wouldn't adapt at all. He's obviously a "more on the other edge of evil" protagonist, so I wasn't expecting a total Heel Face Turn, but protagonists are supposed to develop, and I didn't see this with Yulric. His thoughts and feelings towards other characters were the same at the end as they were in the beginning, though I guess it could be argued his tolerance for them increased, but he was already tolerating them before.
All in all, if you're looking for a hilarious read with witty, irreverent humor and subverted vampire tropes, An Unattractive Vampire won't give you any profound revelations, but it still should make you laugh.
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