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All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness
Even as a reporter, Sheila Hamilton missed the signs as her husband Michael s mental illness unfolded before her. By the time she had pieced together the puzzle, it was too late. Her once brilliant, intense, and hilarious partner was dead within six weeks of a formal diagnosis of bipolar disorder, leaving his nine-year-old daughter and wife without so much as a note to explain his actions, a plan to help them recover from their profound grief, or a solution for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that they would inherit from him.
"All the Things We Never Knew" takes listeners from Michael and Sheila s romance through the last three months of their life together and into the year after his death. It details their unsettling descent from ordinary life into the world of mental illness and examines the fragile line between reality and madness. Now, a decade after Michael s death, Sheila and her daughter, Sophie, have learned the power of choosing life over retreat, let themselves love and trust again, and understand the importance of forgiveness. Their story will resonate with all those who have loved someone suffering from bipolar disease and mental illness."
"All the Things We Never Knew" takes listeners from Michael and Sheila s romance through the last three months of their life together and into the year after his death. It details their unsettling descent from ordinary life into the world of mental illness and examines the fragile line between reality and madness. Now, a decade after Michael s death, Sheila and her daughter, Sophie, have learned the power of choosing life over retreat, let themselves love and trust again, and understand the importance of forgiveness. Their story will resonate with all those who have loved someone suffering from bipolar disease and mental illness."
1 pages, Audiobook
First published October 13, 2015
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January 1, 2020
Do you ever read the introduction of a book and it spoils it for you? This one just has for me. In order to dramatise her book, the author wrote, "More than half of people with bipolar disorder commit suicide." Really? That would make it one of the most dangerous illnesses in the world with a 50% mortality rate. There are about 5.7 million people in the US with Bi-Polar disorder and about 1 million suicides (from all causes) per year. So I looked up this 50% figure
The sites I looked on said that the rate was about 15% including all depressive illnesses. The actual figure according to several surveys is about 5%. The only figures giving 30-50% are pre-2004 (the book was published in 2015) and using clinical samples, that is people who are going to clinics and then commit suicide. What about the people who see doctors privately or those that don't see anyone or did but aren't any longer?
So by the author saying, 50% I think this book could be totally warped. She has something to say and everything is going to fit that agenda. She's either going to miss out crucial evidence (like only old surveys of clinical patients) or twist (by ignoring recent and more empirical research). So I don't trust the author.
I don't know if I can read this book now...
The sites I looked on said that the rate was about 15% including all depressive illnesses. The actual figure according to several surveys is about 5%. The only figures giving 30-50% are pre-2004 (the book was published in 2015) and using clinical samples, that is people who are going to clinics and then commit suicide. What about the people who see doctors privately or those that don't see anyone or did but aren't any longer?
So by the author saying, 50% I think this book could be totally warped. She has something to say and everything is going to fit that agenda. She's either going to miss out crucial evidence (like only old surveys of clinical patients) or twist (by ignoring recent and more empirical research). So I don't trust the author.
I don't know if I can read this book now...
November 6, 2020
3.5 stars
"Mental illness, unlike breast cancer, isn’t celebrated with big marches or pink ribbons. The stigma is stifling, and it prevents most people from seeking help."
A touching story with some important insights into contemporary society's evolving views on mental illness. It runs a bit long on the author's personal life for my tastes, but those sections are written pretty darn well with a lot of energy and detail that makes them quite readable.
"Mental illness, unlike breast cancer, isn’t celebrated with big marches or pink ribbons. The stigma is stifling, and it prevents most people from seeking help."
A touching story with some important insights into contemporary society's evolving views on mental illness. It runs a bit long on the author's personal life for my tastes, but those sections are written pretty darn well with a lot of energy and detail that makes them quite readable.
October 28, 2015
As a survivor of suicide (someone who's lost a loved one), it often feels like no one understands. Suicide isn't like other deaths - you go through the same process that you would grieving a regular loss, but with the added bonuses of guilt, shame, abandonment... I could go on.
I've never sought a book like this. It seemed pointless - why open that back up? I already know what it feels like. When the opportunity to read an advanced copy appeared, something told me to give it a shot. So, reluctantly, I did.
This book has changed me. Changed the way I view my own loss. In the book, Sheila Hamilton details what it was like to witness mental illness in her husband and his eventual decline to suicide, all the while raising their daughter Sophie. I was Sophie. Sheila was my mom.
Seeing the story parallel ours so closely was shocking. And difficult. But also, healing. Somehow, it made me feel less guilty. Because if mental illness was the common thread in our stories, then maybe it had much more to do with the illness than anything that we could have done to change events.
I also had a realization that my mother, like Sheila, had shielded me from so much. She bore the brunt of the trauma. I hope she and Sheila know what a difficult but amazing gift they have given to their daughters. My dad's suicide has defined me in many ways. But I was able to thrive because of how my mother filtered everything. Reading how Sheila did this for Sophie was revelatory.
Technically, this book is great to read. I studied journalism in college and I'm sensitive to style. I hate flowery prose. Sheila Hamilton's training as a journalist shines through here... the story is heartbreaking enough, and she lets that breathe and stand for itself.
It's hard for me to know how this book would be for someone who is just a curious reader. That's so far from me, but I think it's a very important read. Anyone who has ever thought suicide was just a selfish choice should read this. Anyone who doesn't understand what leads someone to make that choice should read this. And anyone who has considered taking his own life? Please read this. You'll know what it feels like to be left behind by suicide.
I've never sought a book like this. It seemed pointless - why open that back up? I already know what it feels like. When the opportunity to read an advanced copy appeared, something told me to give it a shot. So, reluctantly, I did.
This book has changed me. Changed the way I view my own loss. In the book, Sheila Hamilton details what it was like to witness mental illness in her husband and his eventual decline to suicide, all the while raising their daughter Sophie. I was Sophie. Sheila was my mom.
Seeing the story parallel ours so closely was shocking. And difficult. But also, healing. Somehow, it made me feel less guilty. Because if mental illness was the common thread in our stories, then maybe it had much more to do with the illness than anything that we could have done to change events.
I also had a realization that my mother, like Sheila, had shielded me from so much. She bore the brunt of the trauma. I hope she and Sheila know what a difficult but amazing gift they have given to their daughters. My dad's suicide has defined me in many ways. But I was able to thrive because of how my mother filtered everything. Reading how Sheila did this for Sophie was revelatory.
Technically, this book is great to read. I studied journalism in college and I'm sensitive to style. I hate flowery prose. Sheila Hamilton's training as a journalist shines through here... the story is heartbreaking enough, and she lets that breathe and stand for itself.
It's hard for me to know how this book would be for someone who is just a curious reader. That's so far from me, but I think it's a very important read. Anyone who has ever thought suicide was just a selfish choice should read this. Anyone who doesn't understand what leads someone to make that choice should read this. And anyone who has considered taking his own life? Please read this. You'll know what it feels like to be left behind by suicide.
March 20, 2021
I rarely give up on a book but I got so tired of this authors self-obsessed malignant narcissism and self-absorbed selfishness, that I finally had to part with this book and abandon it. (An old friend asked me if I wanted his copy). I'd thought of listening to the audio-book but have heard from several people that her voice is grating (yes, she reads it herself rather than hire an actress which is standard procedure) and its an even worse experience than actually reading the book in hard cover format or from an electronic device.
Hamilton goes on and on about how she could not recognize the warning signs of her husband's mental illness until it was too late. I believe her. Most readers do as well. She's too into herself to really see anyone else, so that part makes sense. What she does not tell the readership is that shortly before her husband killed himself, he was being bombarded by her Divorce attorney, Jody L. Stahancyk, who specializes in "High Asset Divorce." She is a well-known woman attorney in Portland, Oregon with a reputation as one of the most expensive and ruthless divorce attorneys in the state of Oregon, and a woman who does not particularly like men.
Also absent in this book, from what I have read and from what I have heard echoed by others is any form of honest disclosure about her own faults, or the ways that SHE contributed to the failure of her marriage. All the blame goes onto the head of her hubby, lain as he is at the altar of her idea of what "mental illness" is and how it was "mental illness" that consumed her husband solely and not for example any manner of despair over how he was treated by Hamilton and her voracious female Divorce lawyer, Jody L. Stahancyk.
There are lots of things about this book that portray Hamilton in a less than flattering light. Before Hamilton is even divorced from her husband David, she's out at a loud club with another man she's already been seeing. She spends a bizarre amount of time writing about her new lover and others physical appearances and seems to obsess on how people look, even going into strange details about her daughters "muscular legs" and that her daughter is of course also "physically stunning." When she gets a call from a Clackamas county sheriff, Hamilton writes that after informing her that her husband is in trouble and may have stolen a gun, this officer tells her: "We didn't know how to reach you, said the cop, so we called the radio station. I'm a big fan of yours. I hope you don't mind that they gave me your cell phone number," said this cop, this fan."
Hamilton really seems intent on beating us over the head that this cop is a "fan" wouldn't you say?
This passage is highly problematic. Number one, any police or Sherriff's department has access to any and all phone numbers, all they have to do is punch in your name, this even if you are a local radio personality, and going all the way back to the middle 2000s when all of this occurred. The other aspect of this passage that is questionable and I highly doubt that it ever took place is when Hamilton claims that this person, whoever he/she was said: "I'm a big fan of yours." That's just not how police officers or sheriff's talk in a crisis call of this nature or at all. How do I know? Well, I'm married to a former homicide detective and I've learned a few things as a result. Police officers are rarely that fawning. This is a bit of content I suspect Hamilton just included to make herself seem like a star. I believe it is fiction. I don't believe for one minute that whoever the officer was who called her ever said: "I'm a big fan of yours."
As a result of this passage and what I know of law enforcement, the temperament of police officers and sheriffs and what I know of law enforcement procedure, I believe that Hamilton has played with the truth in her book and that makes me question EVERYTHING else that follows. Is it true? Is it a lie? She has clearly been careless with what she presumes people won't know and that reveals deception on her part.
From what I heard, through the Portland attorney grapevine is that Hamilton's husband David felt overwhelmed by the constant dirty pool of her Divorce attorney, Jody L. Stahancyk, and by his wife's vindictiveness and at some point, after being diagnosed with some form of mental illness, he chose to check out. This other reality is fully left out of the book in an effort to make Hamilton look as sympathetic as possible and portray she and her daughter as victims. She basically drags her dead hubby through the proverbial mud in more ways than one. That he is not around to defend himself seems to be of no concern to her. She is the only voice in this story and it is HER narrative that people hear, and no one else's. My feeling is, David's family/parents probably would have quite a different story to tell, were they given the chance. I know these things because of what I've heard from other attorneys in Portland who knew what was really going on and the fact that they have no reason to lie confirms for me the truthfulness of their stories. I'm also a poet, editor and publisher, so I went into the reading of this book with more than a few 'hats' on so to speak.
From her Amazon page, I found this included: "Tony Morrison said, "If there is a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written, you must write it." When my husband of ten years began showing distinct signs of agitation, depression, paranoia and confusion, I went to Powell's bookstore in Portland, Oregon to find a book written for caregivers of people with mental illness. I found nothing. Many books are written from the perspective of people suffering from mental health disorders. Very few are written for caregivers. I wrote the book I wanted to read."
* Also you don't do full quotation marks within a quote. In that case, you do half quotation marks. Hamilton ought to know this.
The level of arrogance inherent in that statement is mind boggling. No, she didn't just compare herself to Toni Morrison did she? (who happens to be MY favorite woman American writer) and no, she didn't just say she could NOT find a book for caregivers of people with mental illness? Did she? That at Powell's Bookstore, she couldn't find that kind of book? Well, if that is the case, then she wasn't looking hard enough. There are dozens of such books. I have read many of them myself. I could give her a reading list if she is interested. The bottom line is, she wrote this book to satisfy her ego, and for no other reason.
Books that have been out for years include the books that apparently Hamilton could not find...and there are others....
1.) WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE HAS A MENTAL ILLNESS, by Rebecca Woolis, publication date 1992.
2.) LOVING SOMEONE WITH BYPOLAR DISORDER: UNDERSTANDING AND HELPING YOUR PARTNER, by Julie A. Fast, John D. Preston, publication date 2004.
As an author, I often go to book sales, readings and other events. When I was at a book event in 2018, I saw Hamilton's female attorney, Jody L. Stahancyk, as she breezed by my table. She is a VERY tall and imposing woman with a shock of dyed orange frizzy hair. She saw a woman sitting near me, also an author and in her booming cheerful voice she bellowed: "You should put me in yer next book! Sheila Hamilton did!"
I already knew the story about how this attorney had made "David's" life a living hell and I had to swallow my disgust at this woman's apparent joy that she had been included in Hamilton's self-serving "memoir."
I read nearly the whole book, but perused the last couple of chapters, reading snippets here and there, to get an idea of where the book was going, so to say. This book is what I generally term a Trash Bio. In other words there is little inward introspection. There is little truth regarding the human condition and the ways that the writer made mistakes, or hurt those closest to her, in much the way Sheila Hamilton hurt her dead hubby David, or contributed to his despair and isolation. Because of this, it is a poor example of what Memoir ought to be and should really be considered nothing more complex than a Trash Bio.
It was written to serve Hamilton's ego. To put forth an explanation as to why her hubby decided to check out. It had nothing to do with HER you see, it was a result of his "mental illness" instead. I'd believe that if I was a young inexperienced child, rather than a woman who is 55-years-old and has been around the block a few times.
Not recommended.
Hamilton goes on and on about how she could not recognize the warning signs of her husband's mental illness until it was too late. I believe her. Most readers do as well. She's too into herself to really see anyone else, so that part makes sense. What she does not tell the readership is that shortly before her husband killed himself, he was being bombarded by her Divorce attorney, Jody L. Stahancyk, who specializes in "High Asset Divorce." She is a well-known woman attorney in Portland, Oregon with a reputation as one of the most expensive and ruthless divorce attorneys in the state of Oregon, and a woman who does not particularly like men.
Also absent in this book, from what I have read and from what I have heard echoed by others is any form of honest disclosure about her own faults, or the ways that SHE contributed to the failure of her marriage. All the blame goes onto the head of her hubby, lain as he is at the altar of her idea of what "mental illness" is and how it was "mental illness" that consumed her husband solely and not for example any manner of despair over how he was treated by Hamilton and her voracious female Divorce lawyer, Jody L. Stahancyk.
There are lots of things about this book that portray Hamilton in a less than flattering light. Before Hamilton is even divorced from her husband David, she's out at a loud club with another man she's already been seeing. She spends a bizarre amount of time writing about her new lover and others physical appearances and seems to obsess on how people look, even going into strange details about her daughters "muscular legs" and that her daughter is of course also "physically stunning." When she gets a call from a Clackamas county sheriff, Hamilton writes that after informing her that her husband is in trouble and may have stolen a gun, this officer tells her: "We didn't know how to reach you, said the cop, so we called the radio station. I'm a big fan of yours. I hope you don't mind that they gave me your cell phone number," said this cop, this fan."
Hamilton really seems intent on beating us over the head that this cop is a "fan" wouldn't you say?
This passage is highly problematic. Number one, any police or Sherriff's department has access to any and all phone numbers, all they have to do is punch in your name, this even if you are a local radio personality, and going all the way back to the middle 2000s when all of this occurred. The other aspect of this passage that is questionable and I highly doubt that it ever took place is when Hamilton claims that this person, whoever he/she was said: "I'm a big fan of yours." That's just not how police officers or sheriff's talk in a crisis call of this nature or at all. How do I know? Well, I'm married to a former homicide detective and I've learned a few things as a result. Police officers are rarely that fawning. This is a bit of content I suspect Hamilton just included to make herself seem like a star. I believe it is fiction. I don't believe for one minute that whoever the officer was who called her ever said: "I'm a big fan of yours."
As a result of this passage and what I know of law enforcement, the temperament of police officers and sheriffs and what I know of law enforcement procedure, I believe that Hamilton has played with the truth in her book and that makes me question EVERYTHING else that follows. Is it true? Is it a lie? She has clearly been careless with what she presumes people won't know and that reveals deception on her part.
From what I heard, through the Portland attorney grapevine is that Hamilton's husband David felt overwhelmed by the constant dirty pool of her Divorce attorney, Jody L. Stahancyk, and by his wife's vindictiveness and at some point, after being diagnosed with some form of mental illness, he chose to check out. This other reality is fully left out of the book in an effort to make Hamilton look as sympathetic as possible and portray she and her daughter as victims. She basically drags her dead hubby through the proverbial mud in more ways than one. That he is not around to defend himself seems to be of no concern to her. She is the only voice in this story and it is HER narrative that people hear, and no one else's. My feeling is, David's family/parents probably would have quite a different story to tell, were they given the chance. I know these things because of what I've heard from other attorneys in Portland who knew what was really going on and the fact that they have no reason to lie confirms for me the truthfulness of their stories. I'm also a poet, editor and publisher, so I went into the reading of this book with more than a few 'hats' on so to speak.
From her Amazon page, I found this included: "Tony Morrison said, "If there is a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written, you must write it." When my husband of ten years began showing distinct signs of agitation, depression, paranoia and confusion, I went to Powell's bookstore in Portland, Oregon to find a book written for caregivers of people with mental illness. I found nothing. Many books are written from the perspective of people suffering from mental health disorders. Very few are written for caregivers. I wrote the book I wanted to read."
* Also you don't do full quotation marks within a quote. In that case, you do half quotation marks. Hamilton ought to know this.
The level of arrogance inherent in that statement is mind boggling. No, she didn't just compare herself to Toni Morrison did she? (who happens to be MY favorite woman American writer) and no, she didn't just say she could NOT find a book for caregivers of people with mental illness? Did she? That at Powell's Bookstore, she couldn't find that kind of book? Well, if that is the case, then she wasn't looking hard enough. There are dozens of such books. I have read many of them myself. I could give her a reading list if she is interested. The bottom line is, she wrote this book to satisfy her ego, and for no other reason.
Books that have been out for years include the books that apparently Hamilton could not find...and there are others....
1.) WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE HAS A MENTAL ILLNESS, by Rebecca Woolis, publication date 1992.
2.) LOVING SOMEONE WITH BYPOLAR DISORDER: UNDERSTANDING AND HELPING YOUR PARTNER, by Julie A. Fast, John D. Preston, publication date 2004.
As an author, I often go to book sales, readings and other events. When I was at a book event in 2018, I saw Hamilton's female attorney, Jody L. Stahancyk, as she breezed by my table. She is a VERY tall and imposing woman with a shock of dyed orange frizzy hair. She saw a woman sitting near me, also an author and in her booming cheerful voice she bellowed: "You should put me in yer next book! Sheila Hamilton did!"
I already knew the story about how this attorney had made "David's" life a living hell and I had to swallow my disgust at this woman's apparent joy that she had been included in Hamilton's self-serving "memoir."
I read nearly the whole book, but perused the last couple of chapters, reading snippets here and there, to get an idea of where the book was going, so to say. This book is what I generally term a Trash Bio. In other words there is little inward introspection. There is little truth regarding the human condition and the ways that the writer made mistakes, or hurt those closest to her, in much the way Sheila Hamilton hurt her dead hubby David, or contributed to his despair and isolation. Because of this, it is a poor example of what Memoir ought to be and should really be considered nothing more complex than a Trash Bio.
It was written to serve Hamilton's ego. To put forth an explanation as to why her hubby decided to check out. It had nothing to do with HER you see, it was a result of his "mental illness" instead. I'd believe that if I was a young inexperienced child, rather than a woman who is 55-years-old and has been around the block a few times.
Not recommended.
July 13, 2016
I have always read fiction for entertainment, to travel in my mind to places I could not possibly go and sometimes to distract or quiet my sometimes chaotic and unsettled mind. But I began to read memoirs several years ago for a completely different reason. In this world that feels too busy, sometimes fake and often superficial, I have found that memoirs help me make a personal connection for a time to another REAL human being. Life can be incredibly challenging and often difficult and memoirs are a personal acknowledgement of those everyday struggles… something tangible that I can hold in my mind and that inspire me.
Sadly and with regret, this memoir 'All The Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness' by Sheila Hamilton did not provide that feeling of recognition that I often get when reading of a person's struggles. I listened to the audiobook version of the book and it was read by the author, herself. I listened to this book for what felt like 3 VERY long hours and I finally abandoned it. Abandoning books is not something I do often and I confess that I feel guilty.. almost as if I was turning my back on Ms. Hamilton, herself.
Sheila Hamilton wrote this book after her husband, David's death from suicide. David had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder just 6 weeks prior to his death.. but after most of a lifetime of suffering and struggling but refusing to acknowledge his troubles or seek treatment. Ms. Hamilton was left with many unanswered questions, feelings of anger and betrayal and huge financial debt.
From the moment I began listening to this book, I felt on edge. Ms. Hamilton began by talking about the daughter she shared with her deceased husband… commenting that her daughter had just entered her teen years and thus far, has not demonstrated any symptoms of mental illness, bipolar disorder in particular. She proceeded to discuss the genetic component to bipolar disorder and remarked that because of the possible genetic link, her daughter would always have to be conscientious about using alcohol and that she would not be able to 'safely' experiment with drugs.. certainly both statements seem like 'no brainers' to me. Perhaps I misunderstood her meaning , but I'm really not aware of any 'safe' way to experiment with drugs.. regardless of genetic predisposition to mental illness. The comment struck me as odd and it seemed it was a strange thing to focus attention on.
There was one good feature of this book… Sheila Hamilton spoke with a number of mental health professionals and she did provide and suggest resources for the reader who might be facing a similar situation. She spoke to all the appropriate, knowledgeable people and she gave voice to all of the 'correct' things you might expect someone to say. For example, she referenced the fact that her husband's erratic, secretive and often confusing behavior was due to his untreated illness.. and NOT a defect in his character. Of course… but although she spoke those words, it continued to feel as if there was a subtext constantly at play… although she was speaking what would sound appropriate,she actually was struggling to FEEL those emotions.
Of course, Ms. Hamilton's feelings of betrayal anger and disappointment were reasonable and understandable….. I'm not blaming her for feeling the emotions she felt. But in the several hours I listened to her story, she talked of her need to forgive… I was never quite sure if she was referring to forgiving David… or herself. It seems to me that perhaps she should have considered putting more distance and time between David's death and her writing this book.
I suppose my real problem.. or difficulty… with this book was that Ms. Hamilton's anger was so palpable to me that I just couldn't get at what she was trying to say… I couldn't connect with her.Perhaps if I had read a print edition of this book, the tone I perceived in her voice would not have been a difficulty for me. But it was HER voice narrating this book that I ultimately could not connect with.
I will say that the book has received many glowing reviews on Goodreads; so I concede that the problem is most likely my OWN inability to understand her point of view.
Sadly and with regret, this memoir 'All The Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness' by Sheila Hamilton did not provide that feeling of recognition that I often get when reading of a person's struggles. I listened to the audiobook version of the book and it was read by the author, herself. I listened to this book for what felt like 3 VERY long hours and I finally abandoned it. Abandoning books is not something I do often and I confess that I feel guilty.. almost as if I was turning my back on Ms. Hamilton, herself.
Sheila Hamilton wrote this book after her husband, David's death from suicide. David had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder just 6 weeks prior to his death.. but after most of a lifetime of suffering and struggling but refusing to acknowledge his troubles or seek treatment. Ms. Hamilton was left with many unanswered questions, feelings of anger and betrayal and huge financial debt.
From the moment I began listening to this book, I felt on edge. Ms. Hamilton began by talking about the daughter she shared with her deceased husband… commenting that her daughter had just entered her teen years and thus far, has not demonstrated any symptoms of mental illness, bipolar disorder in particular. She proceeded to discuss the genetic component to bipolar disorder and remarked that because of the possible genetic link, her daughter would always have to be conscientious about using alcohol and that she would not be able to 'safely' experiment with drugs.. certainly both statements seem like 'no brainers' to me. Perhaps I misunderstood her meaning , but I'm really not aware of any 'safe' way to experiment with drugs.. regardless of genetic predisposition to mental illness. The comment struck me as odd and it seemed it was a strange thing to focus attention on.
There was one good feature of this book… Sheila Hamilton spoke with a number of mental health professionals and she did provide and suggest resources for the reader who might be facing a similar situation. She spoke to all the appropriate, knowledgeable people and she gave voice to all of the 'correct' things you might expect someone to say. For example, she referenced the fact that her husband's erratic, secretive and often confusing behavior was due to his untreated illness.. and NOT a defect in his character. Of course… but although she spoke those words, it continued to feel as if there was a subtext constantly at play… although she was speaking what would sound appropriate,she actually was struggling to FEEL those emotions.
Of course, Ms. Hamilton's feelings of betrayal anger and disappointment were reasonable and understandable….. I'm not blaming her for feeling the emotions she felt. But in the several hours I listened to her story, she talked of her need to forgive… I was never quite sure if she was referring to forgiving David… or herself. It seems to me that perhaps she should have considered putting more distance and time between David's death and her writing this book.
I suppose my real problem.. or difficulty… with this book was that Ms. Hamilton's anger was so palpable to me that I just couldn't get at what she was trying to say… I couldn't connect with her.Perhaps if I had read a print edition of this book, the tone I perceived in her voice would not have been a difficulty for me. But it was HER voice narrating this book that I ultimately could not connect with.
I will say that the book has received many glowing reviews on Goodreads; so I concede that the problem is most likely my OWN inability to understand her point of view.
May 28, 2018
This is a gorgeously written, thoughtful book on losing a loved one to mental illness. I highly recommend it for anyone dealing with mental illness in the family, suicide losses, or just concerned and wanting to become educated on mental health issues.
February 22, 2016
As a professional who works with people who suffer from mental illness this is a moving read. As a woman who suffers with depression, it's enlightening and kind of fascinating. As the child of a man who has had suicidal ideations, it's horrifying and heartbreaking. Mental illness is REAL, and it is not talked about nearly enough. Break the stigma that is attached to it and let's start talking.
March 5, 2016
A courageous and riveting read, All the Things We Never Knew is about the impact mental health has on individuals and their families, vulnerability, love, loss, and healing. Sheila Hamilton has shared a compelling and bold memoir with everyone who can relate in multiple ways, whether living with mental illness, or knowing someone who is. It is brutally honest, but humbling, and heartfelt. It’s beautifully written, and well composed.
I did take my time reading this memoir, because it is heavy and sensitive subject, and one that I can relate to personally, but it was an effortless read because Sheila Hamilton is a phenomenal writer. Sheila and David’s journey is one that is remarkable, and one that I believe a lot of people should read. At the end of each chapter, there are sections that include print and online resources for those looking to understand and support a loved one through mental illness, which is incredibly helpful and informative for those looking to further understand. I read this book about a week ago, and just now sat down to write the review because it’s a story that has stuck with me. I recommend this book so highly, and have passed it along to a family member to read.
I did take my time reading this memoir, because it is heavy and sensitive subject, and one that I can relate to personally, but it was an effortless read because Sheila Hamilton is a phenomenal writer. Sheila and David’s journey is one that is remarkable, and one that I believe a lot of people should read. At the end of each chapter, there are sections that include print and online resources for those looking to understand and support a loved one through mental illness, which is incredibly helpful and informative for those looking to further understand. I read this book about a week ago, and just now sat down to write the review because it’s a story that has stuck with me. I recommend this book so highly, and have passed it along to a family member to read.
November 16, 2018
A successful TV/radio producer, Sheila Hamilton fell in love with an attractive, outdoorsman. When she met his parents, she sensed a mercurial temperament of his father, and a sense of coldness by his particularly attractive mother.
At the wedding, her sister mentioned that she thought her soon to be husband was very out of it and distant, non interactive on a day when he should have been very happy.
Soon after their marriage, Sheila became pregnant. Throughout the years, it was their daughter that held them together. While non effusive to his wife, David was very much actively involved in his daughter's life and it was obvious that he very much cared about their child.
Throughout ten years, Sheila watch as her husband exhibited supreme erratic behaviours. One minute depressed, the next flying high. It took years for her to discover a label of bipolar. He tried to kill himself, and before she could get to the hospital, he was released. Later placed in the care of a mental health facility, again he was depressed and then off- the -roof energetic.
Soon after their marriage Sheila discovered David's indiscretions. Keeping the marriage together for the child, as David's behaviors became increasingly frightful, she saw a lawyer about divorce. The news of his wife's plans and his father's death coincided to place David on a path of supreme manic chaos. Knowing David had a gun, one that he stole from his girlfriends house, he lied to mental health professionals and all others regarding that he knew where the gun was hidden.
In the end, no one could save him. This is a very frank look at mental illness and the fact that resources are spotty at best. Sadly, while friends would normally rally around someone who had a husband with cancer, it was true that the stigma of mental illness was not treated as a disease of the brain, but rather something David's family knew about before Sheila's marriage to him, they turned the other way and did not talk about it.
Sadly, some of the medications given to David, only made him worse. After his suicide, Sheila was very much present for their nine year old child. Sophie was in deep grief regarding the fact that her father never left a note or said goodbye.
Highly recommended, this is an intense report of the terror of watching someone who is loved, spin out of reality of sanity and who listened to the very real words that he felt talked to him to end his life because he was a failure.
After each chapter, the author reports various journal articles regarding mental illness. The percent of mental illness and suicide is high. Perhaps if we change our way of perceiving this tragic illness, more resources and a positive outcome would be available.
At the wedding, her sister mentioned that she thought her soon to be husband was very out of it and distant, non interactive on a day when he should have been very happy.
Soon after their marriage, Sheila became pregnant. Throughout the years, it was their daughter that held them together. While non effusive to his wife, David was very much actively involved in his daughter's life and it was obvious that he very much cared about their child.
Throughout ten years, Sheila watch as her husband exhibited supreme erratic behaviours. One minute depressed, the next flying high. It took years for her to discover a label of bipolar. He tried to kill himself, and before she could get to the hospital, he was released. Later placed in the care of a mental health facility, again he was depressed and then off- the -roof energetic.
Soon after their marriage Sheila discovered David's indiscretions. Keeping the marriage together for the child, as David's behaviors became increasingly frightful, she saw a lawyer about divorce. The news of his wife's plans and his father's death coincided to place David on a path of supreme manic chaos. Knowing David had a gun, one that he stole from his girlfriends house, he lied to mental health professionals and all others regarding that he knew where the gun was hidden.
In the end, no one could save him. This is a very frank look at mental illness and the fact that resources are spotty at best. Sadly, while friends would normally rally around someone who had a husband with cancer, it was true that the stigma of mental illness was not treated as a disease of the brain, but rather something David's family knew about before Sheila's marriage to him, they turned the other way and did not talk about it.
Sadly, some of the medications given to David, only made him worse. After his suicide, Sheila was very much present for their nine year old child. Sophie was in deep grief regarding the fact that her father never left a note or said goodbye.
Highly recommended, this is an intense report of the terror of watching someone who is loved, spin out of reality of sanity and who listened to the very real words that he felt talked to him to end his life because he was a failure.
After each chapter, the author reports various journal articles regarding mental illness. The percent of mental illness and suicide is high. Perhaps if we change our way of perceiving this tragic illness, more resources and a positive outcome would be available.
October 5, 2022
I'd like to begin this review with a quote from the synopsis:
"A reporter chases the biggest story of her life: her husband's descent into mental illness. (Bold print here) even as a reporter, Sheila Hamilton missed the signs as her husband david's mental illness unfolded before her.
Obviously trigger warnings so think before you read
WHAT THE HELL DOES THE FACT THAT SHEILA IS A REPORTER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE MENTAL ILLNESS???
As I pulled up the various reviews posted for this book I wondered what I would see since I cannot stand the self centred personality of the narrator. This book is rated over 4 stars?? No no way. This book is ridiculous. She blames her Ill husband for no groceries in the house, for his attention paid to their daughter more than to her, her constant accusations, the codependency. I'm not sure I'm going to finish this book. She's ridiculous.
I finished the book, but if I say anything else about the book I’ll have to mark spoilers. I don’t like doing that. What I will say is if a person is a “survivor of suicide “ please do not read this book thinking it will be therapeutic because it is not. I find nothing relatable or inspirational about this story, unless you want to feel sorry for someone other than the members of your own family. Nothing educational about the situation or the illness. It’s all about her to the point that she is already in another serious relationship (praise that guy) while her husband is going to hell in a hand basket. That was the straw for me. I won’t go into detail on that either.
"A reporter chases the biggest story of her life: her husband's descent into mental illness. (Bold print here) even as a reporter, Sheila Hamilton missed the signs as her husband david's mental illness unfolded before her.
Obviously trigger warnings so think before you read
WHAT THE HELL DOES THE FACT THAT SHEILA IS A REPORTER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE MENTAL ILLNESS???
As I pulled up the various reviews posted for this book I wondered what I would see since I cannot stand the self centred personality of the narrator. This book is rated over 4 stars?? No no way. This book is ridiculous. She blames her Ill husband for no groceries in the house, for his attention paid to their daughter more than to her, her constant accusations, the codependency. I'm not sure I'm going to finish this book. She's ridiculous.
I finished the book, but if I say anything else about the book I’ll have to mark spoilers. I don’t like doing that. What I will say is if a person is a “survivor of suicide “ please do not read this book thinking it will be therapeutic because it is not. I find nothing relatable or inspirational about this story, unless you want to feel sorry for someone other than the members of your own family. Nothing educational about the situation or the illness. It’s all about her to the point that she is already in another serious relationship (praise that guy) while her husband is going to hell in a hand basket. That was the straw for me. I won’t go into detail on that either.
February 19, 2018
I missed much of the unfolding of my husband's mental illness. By the time I'd pieced together the puzzle of who David actually was, he was falling apart.
All the Things We Never Knew is the powerful true tale of Sheila Hamilton's struggle to understand and cope with her husband's mental illness and suicide and its effect on her family. With the brutal benefit of hindsight, Hamilton walks you through their tumultuous relationship in its entirety and into the difficult years following David's choice to end his life.
I don't read non-fiction often, and I was bracing myself for clinical terminology when I began. But Hamilton's narrative talent from years as a top reporter truly shines, and her prose transports you right into the moment. The writing is simply beautiful, especially for such a difficult subject matter. I loved how the chapters were snapshots of the past, told from the emotional perspective Hamilton recalls from the time interspersed with the new questions and answers that have arisen from the years of research she has now done into her husband's bipolar disorder. Each chapter concludes with a brief article about topics such as suicide prevalence, "magic bullet" psychiatric drugs, and involuntary hospitalization. It's such a powerful way to drive the facts home - by complementing them with her real life experiences.
This was a difficult and emotional read, but it is an incredibly important one. For someone who has had the fortune to never have lost a loved one to suicide or a serious mental illness, it is impossible to understand the complicated grieving process. Hamilton shares her insight in a beautifully candid and thought-provoking manner. If we ever want to be properly prepared to recognize the signs and symptoms and encourage others to seek treatment, it's crucial that we end the stigma that surrounds mental health issues. I am so grateful for Hamilton's courage to contribute by sharing her story with the world.
"Look to the living, love them, and hold on."
Blog · Instagram
June 27, 2016
A deeply personal account by veteran reporter and on-air TV and radio personality Sheila Hamilton of her husband's struggle with mental illness, his diagnosis of bipolar disorder and his sad demise by suicide. An engaging and vibrant person, David was to all intents and purposes successful, happy and had a wonderful family - Sheila and daughter Sophie. But unbeknownst to anyone, including Sheila early on, and below the surface of his "I've got my act together" facade he suffered terribly from mental illness, the symptoms of which include sadness and negativity, depression, mood swings and sleep disorders. Highs and lows were frequent occurrences - high energy and high emotion - living life to the extreme and then crashing abruptly. As the author tried to hold their lives together for the sake of her daughter, she recounts with anguish and regret how she, of all people, missed the early signs of what was going on in her husband's life. But isn't that generally the case? We oftentimes miss what's in front of us - we're either too close or in the situation itself. With strength and fortitude, Sheila provides an unvarnished account of her and her family's lives, the emotional roller coaster she rides and the practical challenges of getting back on her feet financially -- David having left her with a mountain of debt following his death. Interspersed between the chapters are facts, resources and tips on how to discern the signs of mental illness. A sobering, yet interesting and well-written book with not a whiff of woe is me. Instead, strength, perseverance and sheer guts helped Sheila keep it together, survive and become even stronger - what a class act. A highly recommended read.
April 16, 2016
This book, or rather, its author, aggravated me. Hamilton's complete blindness to the most obvious warning signs of her husband's mental illness made me want to punch her. And I am not an inherently violent person.
That said, I guess that's why she wrote this book-- to reach people who are as blind as she was (and, I will argue, still is). The scientific research and resources she provides are invaluable. But the story itself infuriated me. I did not feel the sense of solidarity I usually do when I encounter a memoir about mental illness. Usually, the authors of such books help me to feel less alone. That was not the case here.
This is because ultimately, Hamilton herself does not suffer from mental illness. I don't doubt that she suffered tremendous grief. But I do doubt that she will ever truly understand. And that scares me. Because if we are ever to remove the stigma of mental illness as a cultural norm, then those on the outside need to understand.
As someone who has suffered from mental illness, I am clearly not the intended audience for this book. I did not like it, but am curious to know how those in Hamilton's position feel about it. And I do hope that it helps them.
That said, I guess that's why she wrote this book-- to reach people who are as blind as she was (and, I will argue, still is). The scientific research and resources she provides are invaluable. But the story itself infuriated me. I did not feel the sense of solidarity I usually do when I encounter a memoir about mental illness. Usually, the authors of such books help me to feel less alone. That was not the case here.
This is because ultimately, Hamilton herself does not suffer from mental illness. I don't doubt that she suffered tremendous grief. But I do doubt that she will ever truly understand. And that scares me. Because if we are ever to remove the stigma of mental illness as a cultural norm, then those on the outside need to understand.
As someone who has suffered from mental illness, I am clearly not the intended audience for this book. I did not like it, but am curious to know how those in Hamilton's position feel about it. And I do hope that it helps them.
November 15, 2015
Overall this a solid and readable book about a heavy subject (mental illness/suicide). The author’s account felt honest and I liked the post scripts that ended each chapter. (The chapters followed the author’s experiences and each chapter concluded with a separate one or two page point relating to mental illness or suicide. Such sections were entitled “Stigma”, “Early Treatment”, “Signs and Symptoms” and so on. These sections augmented the book very well.)
I would like to rate the book higher but being the picky person I am (my wife hates to watch movies with me) I had some problems believing the accuracy of dialogue that predated the book’s publishing by 10 to 15 years. (And there was a lot of this dialogue.) (I had the same problem with the last book I read ; “Working Stiff” by Judy Melinek and T.J. Mitchell.) Also, the author clearly had issues with her in-laws that I wished she had just been more upfront about. Much of what she wrote felt like coded language. If she just said she hated them it would have been much better. Last complaint - There was something about that guy Colin that gave me the willies. His dialogue was supposed to make him seem like a great guy but something about him seemed off to me.
I would like to rate the book higher but being the picky person I am (my wife hates to watch movies with me) I had some problems believing the accuracy of dialogue that predated the book’s publishing by 10 to 15 years. (And there was a lot of this dialogue.) (I had the same problem with the last book I read ; “Working Stiff” by Judy Melinek and T.J. Mitchell.) Also, the author clearly had issues with her in-laws that I wished she had just been more upfront about. Much of what she wrote felt like coded language. If she just said she hated them it would have been much better. Last complaint - There was something about that guy Colin that gave me the willies. His dialogue was supposed to make him seem like a great guy but something about him seemed off to me.
October 26, 2015
When Sheila Hamilton first met David, it felt like love at first sight. She saw David as powerful, adventurous, creative, and extraordinarily sexy and handsome. For the first time in her life, she thought of having children and what it would be like to raise them with this man. David had some quirks but none that truly concerned Sheila. Sheila's sister Diane was wary of David and, even on their wedding day, warned Sheila against marrying him. She told Sheila that there was something wrong with him, that he was not relating to other people and that he was 'checked out'. Sheila was blinded by love and refused to see any of this, nor did she heed the warnings.
Shortly after marrying, Sheila became pregnant and gave birth to Sophie. Sophie was the love of David's life. Though David was able to be stable with Sophie and connect lovingly with her, he became distant with Sheila, growing more irritable and angry, becoming more secretive. It was not long before Sheila discovered that David was having an affair, one that likely had been going on throughout their courtship. There were other signs that things were not right with the marriage but Sheila was in denial and chose to ignore them.
As David became more and more hostage to his bi-polar illness, Sheila began to rationalize and pretend that things were not as they were. She did ask David to see a psychiatrist but he refused. They continued to live in the same house but were more like roommates than a married couple. As David's illness took over, Sheila took refuge in another man whom she met through a friend. She viewed Colin as near perfect from the first time she met him and their relationship became her touchstone.
The book alternates between chapters that are a memoir of Sheila's life with David and informational chapters about mental illness, research and resources. I found the structure of the book interesting and the book as a whole very readable. However, I was not able to understand Sheila's inability to see what was right in front of her - a man drowning in his sickness with evidence at the turn of every corner. It seemed like more than denial. It bordered on Sheila's own delusional-like belief that what she experienced was not real.
I think this book could be helpful to some people, especially those who love someone who is seriously mentally ill. However, I encourage those who read this book NOT to deal with the issues as Sheila did. It is essential to acknowledge symptoms early and take preventative action either by reaching out to friends and family or utilizing community resources for the mentally ill. In some ways, this book is an homage to a man who lived in Sheila's heart but not in reality.
Shortly after marrying, Sheila became pregnant and gave birth to Sophie. Sophie was the love of David's life. Though David was able to be stable with Sophie and connect lovingly with her, he became distant with Sheila, growing more irritable and angry, becoming more secretive. It was not long before Sheila discovered that David was having an affair, one that likely had been going on throughout their courtship. There were other signs that things were not right with the marriage but Sheila was in denial and chose to ignore them.
As David became more and more hostage to his bi-polar illness, Sheila began to rationalize and pretend that things were not as they were. She did ask David to see a psychiatrist but he refused. They continued to live in the same house but were more like roommates than a married couple. As David's illness took over, Sheila took refuge in another man whom she met through a friend. She viewed Colin as near perfect from the first time she met him and their relationship became her touchstone.
The book alternates between chapters that are a memoir of Sheila's life with David and informational chapters about mental illness, research and resources. I found the structure of the book interesting and the book as a whole very readable. However, I was not able to understand Sheila's inability to see what was right in front of her - a man drowning in his sickness with evidence at the turn of every corner. It seemed like more than denial. It bordered on Sheila's own delusional-like belief that what she experienced was not real.
I think this book could be helpful to some people, especially those who love someone who is seriously mentally ill. However, I encourage those who read this book NOT to deal with the issues as Sheila did. It is essential to acknowledge symptoms early and take preventative action either by reaching out to friends and family or utilizing community resources for the mentally ill. In some ways, this book is an homage to a man who lived in Sheila's heart but not in reality.
April 8, 2016
This book relates a fascinating and scary narrative about the author's unusual ten-year marriage to a man with bipolar disorder and his ultimate death by suicide. It is a gripping story, marred only by clinical notes she inserts between each chapter of narrative, which leaves you on a cliff top and then gives you two or three pages of boring clinical description about bipolar disorder, how to spot signs of it, how many men/women get it, how many of them it kills.
I would have given this book five stars if the author had taken out all the interstitial clinical information and put it in the back of the book. The narrative by itself is worth five stars. The author falls desperately in love with a man who strikes her as unconventional and slightly strange. They decide to get married, even though, as in the case of Scott Fitzgerald's courtship of Zelda, friends and family tell her that this guy is off somehow--or perhaps even crazy.
After several years of a peculiar marriage to her husband, she begins to think that he's not touching all the bases every time he goes around. His behavior gets odder and odder. The author knows nothing of bipolar disorder (although she knows that her mother was depressive), and her husband's family live in the Kingdom of Denial, because his mother doesn't believe in psychologists or psychiatrists, and neglects to tell the author that her husband was kicked out of two boarding schools and that his family itself kicked him out of the house when he was 16. She also never acknowledges that her own husband is a raving bipolar I.
The plot thickens and thickens. Even though from the beginning the reader knows that the author's husband kills himself, during the time of their marriage she doesn't know enough to see his behaviors as classically bipolar. Each anecdote is more bizarre than the last. The narrative by itself is very engaging, almost like a fictional murder mystery in which you know about the murder but have to work your way back to the beginning to see how it happened.
The author is a journalist, so her writing is excellent and absorbing. It's a fascinating case study into bipolar disorder. I would recommend it to everyone.
I would have given this book five stars if the author had taken out all the interstitial clinical information and put it in the back of the book. The narrative by itself is worth five stars. The author falls desperately in love with a man who strikes her as unconventional and slightly strange. They decide to get married, even though, as in the case of Scott Fitzgerald's courtship of Zelda, friends and family tell her that this guy is off somehow--or perhaps even crazy.
After several years of a peculiar marriage to her husband, she begins to think that he's not touching all the bases every time he goes around. His behavior gets odder and odder. The author knows nothing of bipolar disorder (although she knows that her mother was depressive), and her husband's family live in the Kingdom of Denial, because his mother doesn't believe in psychologists or psychiatrists, and neglects to tell the author that her husband was kicked out of two boarding schools and that his family itself kicked him out of the house when he was 16. She also never acknowledges that her own husband is a raving bipolar I.
The plot thickens and thickens. Even though from the beginning the reader knows that the author's husband kills himself, during the time of their marriage she doesn't know enough to see his behaviors as classically bipolar. Each anecdote is more bizarre than the last. The narrative by itself is very engaging, almost like a fictional murder mystery in which you know about the murder but have to work your way back to the beginning to see how it happened.
The author is a journalist, so her writing is excellent and absorbing. It's a fascinating case study into bipolar disorder. I would recommend it to everyone.
September 8, 2015
I learned a lot from this book, and that is humbling and a bit scary as my job is to provide primary care to patients with serious mental illness. I work in a community mental health center, and most of my patients do not have the ability that the author's husband did, to function despite their illness. And, as a primary care physician, I have seen almost ubiquitous prescribing of anti-depressants, and considering how it harmed the author's husband, it's a significant wake up call. My patients are given "standard care" at the mental health center, and this book carefully presents how that care may be lacking.
The author writes well and this book reads like a novel. She mentions "anosgnosia"--unawareness of illness and denial, and her husband, his family, co-workers and the author were unaware of his devastating bipolar illness until his rapid and fatal decline. Her willingness to share the details of their life, the impact of his illness and the combination of denial and unawareness create a powerful book. And an important book.
Mental illness is not rare, but far too often we are unaware, and even clinicians like myself may recognize it in patients, but not in family members.
The author also explored the genetic and environmental triggers and how they may impact her daughter.
I feel as though this book should be required reading for medical students, residents and clinicians. We so often don't see or recognize bipolar illness in high functioning and compensating people, and as the author wrote, the treatment has become primarily medications and psychotherapy is absent from psychiatry training.
I've watched my patients struggle and I've seen how "standard care" often doesn't serve them well. Reading this book, I gained a new understanding of bipolar illness, it's impact on families, the impact of suicide and some denial of my own.
And easy read, and very important.
The author writes well and this book reads like a novel. She mentions "anosgnosia"--unawareness of illness and denial, and her husband, his family, co-workers and the author were unaware of his devastating bipolar illness until his rapid and fatal decline. Her willingness to share the details of their life, the impact of his illness and the combination of denial and unawareness create a powerful book. And an important book.
Mental illness is not rare, but far too often we are unaware, and even clinicians like myself may recognize it in patients, but not in family members.
The author also explored the genetic and environmental triggers and how they may impact her daughter.
I feel as though this book should be required reading for medical students, residents and clinicians. We so often don't see or recognize bipolar illness in high functioning and compensating people, and as the author wrote, the treatment has become primarily medications and psychotherapy is absent from psychiatry training.
I've watched my patients struggle and I've seen how "standard care" often doesn't serve them well. Reading this book, I gained a new understanding of bipolar illness, it's impact on families, the impact of suicide and some denial of my own.
And easy read, and very important.
April 18, 2019
I started out really liking this book but I got a little tired of the author going on and on about her child. She just went a little too overboard on the loving mother scenes and they came off as too sappy for my taste. I couldn't make it through the last few chapters. I read up to funeral and had to stop because I just got bored with it.
December 16, 2018
I think the biggest problem I had with this are the sources used for the statistics. Given that this book was only published a few years ago, I don't like that a large number of the sources used are 10-15+ years old. (One is nearly 30 years old!)
I also can't help but feel (particularly given that I don't see the source citing it unless I'm missing it) that the statistic that "more than half of people with bipolar disorder commit suicide" is inaccurate and inappropriate to include.
I also didn't really care for the author but that was the least of the problems I had with this.
I also can't help but feel (particularly given that I don't see the source citing it unless I'm missing it) that the statistic that "more than half of people with bipolar disorder commit suicide" is inaccurate and inappropriate to include.
I also didn't really care for the author but that was the least of the problems I had with this.
October 5, 2015
This is a beautifully written, insightful, sensitive book about mental health's impact on individuals, families and descendants. KINK-FM News Director not only shares the journey her ex-husband went through, but also new information about treating brain disorders. This is a highly sensitive, personal book, written by a journalist (so it's a lovely read also). Highly recommend.
January 31, 2021
Granted that a couple of the statistics shared in this book are not accurate, I still thoroughly enjoyed reading about the author’s journey of losing a loved one to suicide and the grief and profound guilt that comes from not being able to do more to prevent it. My heart ached through many parts of the book and I think other survivors could gain something from reading it. She clearly went back and learned everything humanly possible that she could about the mental illness her husband struggled with and is committed to educating people so that preventable deaths may be prevented. She provides a ton of resources at the end of the book. Worth the read.
May 16, 2023
TW: mental illness, infidelity, suicide
Written in 2015, this memoir explores the author’s attempts to piece together her husband’s tragically rapid decline after his bipolar diagnosis. A particularly poignant listen today as our society’s mental health crisis reaches catastrophic heights.
Bittersweet to hear the research notes from nearly ten years ago and see where we are today. There were moving words about our society’s negative stigma regarding mental health, the burdens and post suicide ripples of blame and guilt placed on survivors, and staggering statistics about suicide. A difficult but heart opening listen.
Written in 2015, this memoir explores the author’s attempts to piece together her husband’s tragically rapid decline after his bipolar diagnosis. A particularly poignant listen today as our society’s mental health crisis reaches catastrophic heights.
Bittersweet to hear the research notes from nearly ten years ago and see where we are today. There were moving words about our society’s negative stigma regarding mental health, the burdens and post suicide ripples of blame and guilt placed on survivors, and staggering statistics about suicide. A difficult but heart opening listen.
February 25, 2022
Brave and eye-opening account about mental illness.
November 2, 2015
This review was originally posted on [www.125pages.com]
4.25 Stars
I received this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
♦ Books about suicide aren't fun reads by any stretch of the imagination.
But they are necessary. Over 41,000 people commit suicide every year. It is a silent epidemic as the families and friends left behind generally feel lost and alone in their grief. All the Things We Never Knew is both a reference book, filled with facts and studies to increase knowledge and a powerful memoir that pulls back the curtain on what a family goes through in the aftermath. Sheila Hamilton's husband David was intense and captivating. He also had bipolar disorder that was not properly treated. His decent into his own mind is captured in a powerful way. The impact on his family was showcased in a way to not garner pity but to help educate. Certain tales stay with you, and All the Things We Never Knew is one of them. More needs to be done to showcase why mental health care is so important and books such as this help do that. Anyone questioning why funding and research is so important needs to read All the Things We Never Knew and see first hand the impact had on everyone surrounding the individual. I applaud Sheila Hamilton for her courage in opening up and discussing a painful and intimate issue.
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF SUICIDOLOGY – Suicide Prevention is Everyone’s Business
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
◊ Favorite lines - "Grief is like an unwelcome stranger, an abductor who comes just at the moment you least expect and puts a black sack over your head, whisking you away to a dark, unknown place. Just when I thought I could cope with the idea of David's absence, I would wake up confused and traumatized all over again. His birthday, Easter, Christmas, and the anniversary of his disappearance all seemed to tear at the scab that had formed over the emotional wound."
4.25 StarsI received this book for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
♦ Books about suicide aren't fun reads by any stretch of the imagination.
But they are necessary. Over 41,000 people commit suicide every year. It is a silent epidemic as the families and friends left behind generally feel lost and alone in their grief. All the Things We Never Knew is both a reference book, filled with facts and studies to increase knowledge and a powerful memoir that pulls back the curtain on what a family goes through in the aftermath. Sheila Hamilton's husband David was intense and captivating. He also had bipolar disorder that was not properly treated. His decent into his own mind is captured in a powerful way. The impact on his family was showcased in a way to not garner pity but to help educate. Certain tales stay with you, and All the Things We Never Knew is one of them. More needs to be done to showcase why mental health care is so important and books such as this help do that. Anyone questioning why funding and research is so important needs to read All the Things We Never Knew and see first hand the impact had on everyone surrounding the individual. I applaud Sheila Hamilton for her courage in opening up and discussing a painful and intimate issue.
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF SUICIDOLOGY – Suicide Prevention is Everyone’s Business
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
◊ Favorite lines - "Grief is like an unwelcome stranger, an abductor who comes just at the moment you least expect and puts a black sack over your head, whisking you away to a dark, unknown place. Just when I thought I could cope with the idea of David's absence, I would wake up confused and traumatized all over again. His birthday, Easter, Christmas, and the anniversary of his disappearance all seemed to tear at the scab that had formed over the emotional wound."
January 13, 2016
I have two distinct reactions to this book: one, the scientific information supported by empirical data is invaluable to people suffering through mental illness and for the people who love, live and work with them; two, there was way too much use of the word "I" in the storytelling.
I get that this is a memoir of sorts but Hamilton is not a sympathetic narrator. She comes across as shallow: "his Italian leather shoes", "his Italian slacks", "his Italian suit", "his Range Rover", "his red Columbia jacket", "her Patagonia liner", "her Uggs", "her St. John suit". Really? Was Hamilton getting paid for product placement. This sort of label dropping along with the huge holes in the storytelling did nothing to endear her to me at all. Neither did the fact that while she is writing about her dead husband's infidelity she casually drops in that she too had an affair during their marriage and indeed started her relationship with her now THIRD husband while still married to her husband who was battling mental illness and stuck in a psych ward. Hamilton's sense of entitlement to these indiscretions was a bit nauseating. If her husband were in the hospital with a failing heart, would she say "Oh well, he is going to die anyway, we haven't been close in years, who's next on my list to start a relationship with?" Insensitive doesn't even begin to cover it. She claims she did everything that she could to help her husband but did she really? I can't answer that question because she doesn't spell out enough of what she actually did to try and help him. This book is largely about her and is more than a bit of a "woe is me" tale.
However, my heart goes out to her daughter. What a devastating loss for such a young girl. I wish her nothing but the best and hope she has peace and joy in her life.
Overall, if you can get past Hamilton's narcissism, this is an easy to read, easy to understand primer on mental illness and the devastation that it can wreck in a person's life. The sections at the end of each chapter with actual factual data regarding mental illness were excellent and thus why I gave this book 4 stars. Without these resources this would have been a 2 star book for me.
I get that this is a memoir of sorts but Hamilton is not a sympathetic narrator. She comes across as shallow: "his Italian leather shoes", "his Italian slacks", "his Italian suit", "his Range Rover", "his red Columbia jacket", "her Patagonia liner", "her Uggs", "her St. John suit". Really? Was Hamilton getting paid for product placement. This sort of label dropping along with the huge holes in the storytelling did nothing to endear her to me at all. Neither did the fact that while she is writing about her dead husband's infidelity she casually drops in that she too had an affair during their marriage and indeed started her relationship with her now THIRD husband while still married to her husband who was battling mental illness and stuck in a psych ward. Hamilton's sense of entitlement to these indiscretions was a bit nauseating. If her husband were in the hospital with a failing heart, would she say "Oh well, he is going to die anyway, we haven't been close in years, who's next on my list to start a relationship with?" Insensitive doesn't even begin to cover it. She claims she did everything that she could to help her husband but did she really? I can't answer that question because she doesn't spell out enough of what she actually did to try and help him. This book is largely about her and is more than a bit of a "woe is me" tale.
However, my heart goes out to her daughter. What a devastating loss for such a young girl. I wish her nothing but the best and hope she has peace and joy in her life.
Overall, if you can get past Hamilton's narcissism, this is an easy to read, easy to understand primer on mental illness and the devastation that it can wreck in a person's life. The sections at the end of each chapter with actual factual data regarding mental illness were excellent and thus why I gave this book 4 stars. Without these resources this would have been a 2 star book for me.
November 30, 2015
I almost never give 5 stars, but this one earned it. I read it cover to cover this afternoon- I couldn't have put it down if I tried. Bipolar disorders runs in my family, and I've seen firsthand what can happen of it is left unchecked; I truly felt like I was in the author's shoes while reading this. The book does an excellent job of educating the reader about mental illness; it is SO important to be able to pick up on the signs that a loved one may be in need of help.
March 5, 2016
A tragic story of mental illness, suicide, and loss, yet Sheila Hamilton is able to build something meaningful from her grief. She tells her story with unflinching honesty and emotion, while also providing valuable information and resources for those struggling, or know someone who struggles, with mental illness. A necessary book to help erase the stigma and enable people to get help and begin healing.
December 10, 2018
The memoirist’s tone (and general persona) was/were deeply unpleasant, even repugnant. Not recommended.
January 30, 2021
I do not know if I can give this book an adequate review. If I could, I would give this book 5.5 stars and make it required reading for everyone. The author Sheila, through her work, is given the opportunity to interview Deepak Chopra, who tells her after the interview, "You're very good at what you do." This book is an amazing example of that. To deal with the death of her husband, the author delves into self-reflection and writes the story of her life with her bipolar husband. Intermixed between each chapter, you can feel the roots of the author's history as a news reporter. These chapter breaks offer insights into the science and history of mental illness and where we are (and are not) as a society today. It also offers hope and resources to those who are struggling. Though not an easy, or in anyway, a light read; this personal journey illuminates the struggle that so many face.
March 13, 2024
I feel this is such a relatable story for so many. it’s not a fantastical story, just a normal American family who’s husband is struggling with undiagnosed mental illness for a long time. a struggling marriage, piles of debt. I just could totally put myself into the story. and because the story wasn’t SUPER DUPER CRAZY look what this person did all the time, the writing had to be spot on to make the story worth listening to. And it was. I really enjoyed this and it kept me company while I anxiety cleaned my house. I also really appreciated the blurbs of facts of mental illness/statistics etc.
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